Approximately, two weeks ago, some blogging friends and I did a live discussion on contentment. We discussed what contentment is, how to become content and some of the benefits of contentment.

Lisa Gordon shared that contentment is a place of peace and being happy and full of joy with where you are in spite of what you have and what you do not have. It’s also enjoying the moment. She mentioned how sometimes we want something so bad, that we cannot enjoy the moments of what we already have.

I shared how it is a place of rest, and how some think that abiding in a place of rest isn’t doing anything, but that is not true. Abiding in a place of rest is abiding in a place of total trust in God regarding every area of our lives. When we are in that place of rest we do not allow ourselves to be distracted. We do not compare ourselves to others, and if we catch ourselves comparing ourselves to others, we bring ourselves back with the Word of God.

Finally, in that place of rest and contentment, we relinquish the right to control the how and the when marriage and courtship will happen.

Tatianah talked about how contentment is having that peace for where you are at, and being satisfied with that. It means to be satisfied with our portion. Sometimes, we get to comparing ourselves, and we forget what God said. If he said he would provide a spouse, kids etc. Then he will do that for us because he is faithful, and we have to remember that.

Kristen shared a definition of internal satisfaction. Contentment doesn’t mean everything in your life is perfect. She said when you are content, you have an internal satisfaction that does not put demands on your external situations. She mentioned how she had a moment where she just felt really okay with her life. This happened after a ridiculous season of warfare. She no longer felt a need to put a demand on the Lord, for example, she wants to be married by 33. Why? She learned to be content like Apostle Paul in the below scripture:

I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. – Philippians 4:13-14

Another point from Kristen that stood out to me was the fact that whether we are single or married, we are still women. Our singleness does not take away from our womanhood and femininity. This is a very important key to remember because there have been times where being a single woman has been a battle of our worth or worthiness as a woman to be treated like ladies. Rather we are single or married, our worthiness to be treated like ladies and more importantly to carry ourselves like ladies still stands.

Do You Fully Love & Accept Yourself ?

​Singles are often encouraged to lower their standards to prove they are good enough to have somebody. I did this before. I was tired of everywhere I turned having to fight for peace and rest giving explanations to others on why I was still single and not dating. I tried to make it work with a guy who was not on my level, but he was saved.

Of course, I could not be myself all the way. I had to be quiet more about what I saw in his life that was simply out of order for a man who was pursuing a woman of God as not to appear as a nag.

There is no way our relationship would have worked without him coming up on his own. I would have had to operate outside of my role as a woman to be in a relationship with him. I would have had to do both my role and his to a large degree because he did not understand who he was and what his role was and if he did he was operating in rebellion which is another animal.

If you have to modify, change, or lower yourself away from your identity in Christ, it’s not it. If you do not know your identity in Christ, you should not be dating.

Instead, seek the Lord and see what he is saying to you.

I had been seeing myself too low due to the warfare I faced as a single woman over the years and some other things in me that needed to be dealt with.

Instead of seeking to make a relationship work that isn’t for you, seek the Lord and see what he is saying. God may want to do some additional work within you that you aren’t aware of even needing.

Whatever the word of the Lord is over your life, submit to that. God is committed to making us whole before joining us with someone else. It doesn’t mean that you have to be perfect before meeting an appropriate person. It means that you have to be healthy enough to still be who God wants you to be even while being joined to another person.

Maybe, it isn’t time to seek a relationship. Maybe God wants you focused on something else.

When we are married, we will be more vulnerable than we have ever been before, and thus we will be more open to being hurt more than we have ever been before. We all have heard it before, it’s those closest to us who hurt us the most. God wants us to be able to still be good after going through various things with our future spouses.

This is why it is so important to be whole when dating someone. Only when we are whole we will make healthy choices for ourselves without bending who we are to make something work with someone who doesn’t have God’s best interest for us.

If you are experiencing signs that you are doing it on your own; don’t be rebellious. Humble yourself and be willing to let it go. Begin to allow healing to take place until you come to a healthy place and make your relationship choices out of that healthy place.

I recently read an article about a popular comedian, Leslie Jones, who tweeted that she does not feel optimistic about finding a marriage partner for the future because men aren’t noticing that she is working out.

She made the comment that because of that she just may die alone. Her statement reveals a broader issue of how she feels about herself. It appears she isn’t in a healthy enough state about how she perceives herself to date at the present time.

She needs to fall in love with herself to the point where she doesn’t care if any men are noticing her because she notices herself. At that point, she will be whole enough to be noticed by someone who shares the same value for her that she holds for herself. It doesn’t matter what age we are whether 50 or 30. Age is not a requirement for readiness for courtship and marriage. Wholeness is a requirement. Wholeness includes seeing ourselves the right way.

​Proverbs 10:22 – The Blessing of the Lord makes rich and adds no sorrow with it.

This means there will be a particular grace that provides an ease of abiding within the blessing that comes from the Lord. That doesn’t mean it will be easy all of the time, and there will be no opposition. It simply means, you will be empowered to overcome those things with a particular grace that comes from God.

When we attempt to operate outside of God’s grace; we do relationships in our own strength. If we commit to doing relationships in our own strength, we become responsible to hold it together ourselves without God’s help. In essence, we do not give God any room to work.

We cannot even live a Christian life without God’s grace. Because relationships are a metaphorical picture of Christ and the church; when we look at our relationship with God; we can see that it was impossible for men to live a life pleasing to God without the grace that came from Jesus Christ.

Is God’s Grace Over The Relationship?
 
Many times relationships fell because we move outside of God’s grace. His supernatural ability that allows an ease in doing a thing because God has ordained it.

What does that mean? Should we not talk to a person if everything is not easy. Not at all. You should walk by faith.

By all means if you believe a person may be worth investing in, do all of the stuff that we should do such as seeking God, talking to a person and discerning their purpose and direction in life and whether it is complementary to who you are or not along with the guidance of godly counsel and accountability.

Do You Have God’s Peace in your dealings with the suitor?

If you do not have God’s total peace about a situation, it more than likely isn’t God. Obey God quickly. Don’t wait until you get attached because you are lying to yourself and/or making excuses why you should be with someone anyway. God sees what we do not see, and he is often protecting us from what we don’t know.

Don’t try to make something work that you know is not God. That is when we begin to operate outside of God’s grace. Again, when we operate outside of God’s grace, we become responsible to try to make things work on our own and we end up in shipwreck.

Many of us have tried to make things work on our own instead of submitting to what God has for us in a particular season. When we try to force a relationship outside of God’s grace and timing, it is often due to insecurities within us.

Next week we will close this out with the 3rd way you will know if you’ve met the one as we discuss how you see yourself.

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Have you ever heard the story of the boy who cried wolf? He was a shepherd boy who cried out warning of the arrival of a wolf at least 3-4 times. His neighbors, each time came out to help him, and he laughed at them each time because there really was no wolf.

However, the 5th time the boy cried out, there really was a wolf. Because the boy had not told the truth the previous times, everyone assumed he was also not telling the truth this time, and his whole flock of sheep was devoured by the wolf.

The above story is a classic example of complacency. The neighbors of the boy had grown complacent with his cry due to the disappointment of his previous cries. They, in essence, learned not to believe him nor take him seriously. This complacency cost them all of their sheep.

This is how many have become in response to what God has said he would do because of the wait and the disappointments along the way. Many have become complacent in response to what God said he would do.

I’ve been reading in Ezra regarding the rebuilding of God’s temple. In short, the children of Israel had been in exile 70 years, and God moved the heart of King Cyrus to fund the rebuilding of the Jewish temple.

The Israelites had faced opposition and disappointment on three occasions. The last occasion a new king became ruler of the province of Persia instead of Cyrus and this new king ordered a decree to stop the building of the temple. After 70 years of exile, it looked like the Jews were going to enter their promised land only to be stopped and disappointed. It would be 16 years after this disappointment that the Jews would begin to rebuild again.

The Jews had gotten comfortable with being in exile. God had to use two prophets to prepare them for what he was about to do. God spoke through the prophet Zechariah saying that he was jealous for Israel, and angry at the nations around Israel because they felt too secure.

​”Proclaim this word: This is what the LORD Almighty says: ‘I am very jealous for Jerusalem and Zion, and I am very angry with the nations that feel secure. Zechariah 1:15-16

In short, I believe what God was saying is that he feels for Israel because they have lived in a place of obscurity for so long that the nations around them had begun to take them for granted. Israel used to be that nation where no one could stand before them because their God was backing them up.

However, it appeared that God was no longer with them. Because of Israel’s disobedience, God had to chastise them for 70 years. Thus, other nations looked at them as if they weren’t a threat. They blended in with everyone else. They no longer were set apart as a nation not to be reckoned with. God wanted to change this. God wanted to bring his people back into their promised land starting with worship.

How many of us for whatever reason have gotten into a place of obscurity? How many of us have at some point or another lived in a place of numbness and complacency to the hope of change and the hope of God’s promise coming to pass in our personal lives?

Perhaps this article is an encouragement from God to stir your spirit and to prepare you for what God is about to do in your individual life. I pray that your heart and spirit is stirred as you read to position yourself and your faith-filled expectation to receive whatever it is God has planned for you in 2018.

Approaching God in Fear & Reverence

In this blog, we will look at the relationship of a king, and compare it with the relationship to the King of Kings who is Jesus Christ. In doing so, we will learn more about some of the characteristics of God, and what it takes to draw near to him. Being near or close to God characterizes an intimate relationship with him.
For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse. Romans 1:20
Intimacy With God Begins with Fear and Reverence
Be not rash with your mouth and let not your heart be hasty to utter anything before God: For God is in heaven, and you upon the earth; therefore let your words be few. Ecclesiastes 5:2
The above scripture reminds us of the necessary caution that must be taken with approaching God. There is a requirement of fear, respect, reverence, and humility in approaching God knowing who he is, and that he is King of Kings, Lord of Lords, The Supreme and All Wise Ruler.

In this we know that God has the ability to deal with us according to his favor or wrath, and we should respect him enough not to tempt his wrath. Like God has the ultimate authority; kings, presidents, or rulers on earth have an ultimate power as well. Studying how a king relates to others can easily show us some things in common of how God relates to us as well.

Some key scriptures showing the wrath or fear of a king:

• A  King’s wrath is a messenger of death, but the wise will appease it. – Proverbs 16:14
• A king’s wrath strikes terror like the roar of a lion; those who anger him forfeit their lives. – Proverbs 20:2
• A King’s rage is like the roar of a lion, but his favor is like dew on the grass. – Proverbs 19:12

In the book of Esther, King Ahasuerus had a well known law that anyone who came into his courts without being invited would be killed unless he extended his golden scepter. This law was a clear indicator that his kingship, and presence as the king should be greatly revered, and respected. King’s like God have ultimate power to do good or enact judgment, but they are trusted to rule in righteousness.

We are not to be forgetful that kings or those in authority do not bare the sword in vain (Romans 13:14). There is definitely a time where they must act in judgment and for that they should be feared and revered especially if they are righteous like God.

Everyone in this world has to experience something outside of their control that can leave us feeling in shock, pain, grief, or simply a panic. It could be the loss of a loved one, extended singleness, loss of a job or an unexpected tragedy. Satan often takes advantage of these situations to leave us feeling hopeless. God does not want us to become hopeless in those circumstances.

Often, God will allow such circumstances for his greater purpose. One of the greatest purposes in allowing painful situations is to reveal himself to us in a unique way. This builds our faith as well as the faith of those that are around us. In the below video, I discuss the pain, infirmity, or weakness that we can feel in the in between time. The in between time is when we are waiting for God to respond to a crisis or experience that we are facing.

I use the story of Lazarus, Mary and Martha, to show how Jesus waited until the situation appeared hopeless before he responded because he had a greater purpose that he wanted to reveal. What if God is allowing a situation in your life to reveal a greater purpose to you, his followers, and general on lookers. What if you knew that the end of the trial would work in your favor just in a more massive way or greater scale? Knowing God’s plan and purpose in a hardship allows the endurance to continue to trust God all the way up until the end. This is why we need to seek the Lord to see what his word is for our situation.

It is also comforting to know that there is grace reserved for us that seek God for it to help us in our time of need. Like Christ empathized with Mary, he also empathizes with us understanding as a good father that it isn’t easy for us to go through it, but it can be done when we lean on him.
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.  Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:15-16 (NIV)
It’s okay to acknowledge that circumstances get hard; just don’t allow the circumstances to make you hard or become stuck in a spiral of self destructive behavior such as leaning on vices for relief instead of Christ. Instead seek the Lord for his grace, and wait with assurance for the breakthrough that God has in mind. It will be better than anything that you can imagine.

Finally, trusting God through it all will lead us to rest. Jesus shared with Mary after raising her brother from the dead saying, “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?” To believe is to rest according to Hebrews. We enter into God’s rest through believing (Hebrews 4:3).

We enter into God’s rest through believing in God’s word. What was God’s word to Mary, Martha, and his disciples? It was that this sickness isn’t unto death, but for the glory or revealing of God. If you believe you will see this glory revealed (John11:40.) Indeed, Mary, Martha, Lazarus, the town’s people and the disciples all saw the glory of God. While there was much pain, sorrow, and grief in between waiting; they were not disappointed, and if we can rest in believing the word of God given to us, we will not be disappointed either.

Anytime, we are facing a crisis, a moment unexpected, outside of our control, that causes us to wait on God; Within the in between time when we are tempted to doubt, panic, and become negative, we need to remind ourselves to get a word from the Lord. This requires intentional seeking of the Lord more than the usual. It may also include fasting and praying to quiet our spirits to hear God. That word from God will bring grace, strength, produce faith, that will cause God’s rest until the greater purpose of God becomes manifest in our situation.

I’ve had a few people ask me this question this past summer. I even had one brother go as far as to say that he will be bumping Trip Lee on his honeymoon lol! That was too funny! Of course, I discouraged bumping Trip Lee on the honeymoon, but everyone has their preference.

As for me, I believe that the Word of God should be the authority in every area of our lives. While the Word of God doesn’t specifically say listen to “secular music” or not. It does provide general guidelines for our lives such as the below scripture:

For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come – Philippians 4:8

The above scripture provides a guideline of how to assess our interaction with things that only pertain to profiting the body, natural man, or the flesh. Secular music is something that primarily appeals to our natural man and there is nothing wrong with that unless the secular music is awakening sin in us and that is a different issue altogether.

There are many things that deal with our natural man that are totally appropriate and beneficial such as the example mentioned earlier that was associated with marriage. On a honeymoon type of experience, I would not play any rap. If I did choose to play music it would definitely be R&B or Jazz. The Bible has no problem with this, it has a benefit. However, it does not have the same benefit of things that awaken or quicken our spiritual man and spiritual appetites.

I believe that we should be aware of what appetites are being awakened inside of us. If a person is single, and listening to a bunch of freaky get down music such as Jodeci Freakin You and the like; that will awaken the appetite to get freaky, and it clearly isn’t time for that yet because the person listening to the song is unmarried.

That is another clue of whether a song would be appropriate or not is what is being aroused in you? Only you can really answer that question. What may arouse one person with a song may mean nothing at all for another. For example, I was counseling a young lady who was coming out of an unhealthy relationship, and I had to pick her up for Bible study. Although, I can listen to my love songs with no big deal, I knew that may arouse memories of the guy she was trying to separate from, and that could cause her to stumble, so I only played my gospel playlist in the car on the way to Bible study.

Because I am a person who desires to have my heart after God, I intentionally limit how much secular music I listen to even though what I am listening to isn’t bad. I do this because I want my affections to be stirred up toward the things of God more. So, I will play a little Babyface, Toni Braxton etc., but also I will listen to more Tripp Lee, Lecrae, Karyn Hawthrowne and such. Why? Because it is more profitable for me in this life, and in the life to come.

I am also choosy with what I listen to. I do not listen to music that I believe is out of line with the Word of God. If the song is promoting adultery, fornication, murder, or anything not in line, I simply don’t entertain it.

God does not necessarily tell us everything to do or not to do, but he gives us wisdom in his word so that we can respond appropriately no matter what questions we are faced with. So, when you decide to listen to a song that is considered a secular song, consider whether it is something that awakens sin in you or something that is simply okay. Consider if it is wise to listen to a particular song in a particular season and if the song is causing you to think contrary to the word of God.

God doesn’t want to load us down with rules that only place us in bondage and prevent us from enjoying this life that God gave us to enjoy, but he does give us wisdom so that our freedom in Christ Jesus does not place us in bondage.

You say, “I am allowed to do anything”–but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. – 1 Corinthians 6:12

I’m noticing some of my younger sisters in Christ walking on dangerous territory in the name of trying to be loved. Some of my younger sisters in Christ are experimenting sexually and trying to learn to become good at sex acts in the name of attracting and keeping a man.

Women who value their worth simply based on what they can offer physically do not love themselves, know themselves, nor trust God enough to provide a man for them who will treat them like they are worth more. A woman who does this shows that she isn’t whole enough to even pursue a relationship.

She has skipped some of the first foundational things that ensure a healthy relationship. Those things are first a healthy relationship with God, ones-self, and with other people. This is foundational. A woman who has these three things will know that she has more to offer a man than what’s in between her legs.

She will then be able to discern properly who is appropriate for her and who is not. She will be saved boatloads of heartache, and have enough energy to pursue her dreams and healthy friendships on top of her foundation. A woman who leads with her body has no foundation and is headed for hard times.

I understand that many women have been rejected or had improper things planted during the upbringing years, but that is no excuse. We all have had hard challenges to deal with, but God is a healer. We have a choice to make. Will we do things according to the standard of the world and make things worse, or will we submit to God and allow him to heal us?

Not only do women place their hearts at risk for brokenness and hardness from allowing themselves to be used for sex, but their very quality of life as women is placed at risk as well. If a woman thinks she has experienced rejection, imagine experiencing the rejection of knowing that you have an STD that makes no one want to be intimate with you again. These are the things that occur at greater risk to anyone who opens themselves up to sexual exploits outside of the safe place of marriage.

You have to recognize your sexual exploits for what they are a coping tool to cover and heal yourself when only God can heal you. If you get an incurable STD, you will lose your coping mechanism and only be left with God to heal you.

Why not choose God’s way now? I know God’s way is not easy nor glamorous, but it is worth it, and you are worth it. You don’t have to try to figure out how to be the best at oral sex, and various positions. When you do that you only diminish your worth, and value plus you only arouse more sin within yourself. Sin’s only payment is death. You cannot get life out of an arrangement of death. There will be death to any healthy view of yourself you had as your worth becomes contingent on a man wanting you physically.

When you do that you only diminish your worth, and value plus you only arouse more sin within yourself.

Sin’s only payment is death. You cannot get life out of an arrangement of death. There will be death to any healthy view of yourself you had as your worth becomes contingent on a man wanting you physically.

There will be death to your dreams as you are forced to shift focus on surviving in the cold world of lust and selfishness that you have opened yourself up to. Some women go on anti-depressants because of the emotional damage alone, not to mention the STD factor or pregnancy factor. Think about what you are doing now while you are young, and have a chance to work toward a better future for yourself.

Get together with some other women who have chosen differently, and learn to walk with them so that you all can encourage one another. If you want a better future, you gotta start preparing for it right now. Don’t leave your future up to chance.

My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. – James 1:2-4

The above scripture reminds us to count our blessings when going through not one, or two temptations, but many temptations, tests, and tribulations. Have you ever been in a season of many temptations?

If you have then you know it’s easy to have a wrong mindset. It’s way too easy to compare ourselves to others with a woe is me attitude instead of an attitude of gratefulness or thankfulness. Well, I am glad that the Word of God gives us one of the greatest tips that cause us to maintain the right perspective. That tip is to count our blessings. It’s to maintain a spirit and a mouth full of thankfulness.

Focusing on the goodness of God in our lives, and thanking God for what he has already done helps us to focus on God and to take our eyes off of our problems, tribulations, and temptations. Below, I list a few things that I am so thoroughly thankful for:

I’m thankful that I have more support to walk with me in seeking to honor God in my singleness!

This girl has been single for a long time. All during that time, I’ve had to be intentional about allowing into my inner circle those who were pursuing the Lord and the things of the Lord.

There have been seasons where it’s been harder than others to have someone encourage me to stay the course God has called me to. Now, I seem to have more people in my life encouraging me in that and it’s awesome. It has taken some of the stress away from feeling awkward and alone. I got a whole awkward crew to ride with because living for Jesus is awkward to some. We are a peculiar people.

I’m thankful that my mindset is not the same as it used to be!

I will admit that I’ve been that girl who has struggled with wrong thinking at times. More specifically because I had gone long periods of time without having a boyfriend or anyone I felt was worth going out with; I used to struggle hardcore with believing that I was worth being sought after, courted, and pursued. God allowed me to see that I am worth it, not just by faith, but by action. However, even then the one I thought was worthy of me and allowed to pursue me just wasn’t ready. It confirmed what I knew to be true, and that is I had been single all of this time because God was protecting me. He was not holding something back from me because I did not deserve it or because I am not good enough for it. I am thankful to have the right mindset.

I’m thankful I am not in the same place!

I am thankful that I am not in the same place as far as my thinking. Now that I have gotten several of my wrong perspectives corrected, I walk from a new and more solidified position of boldness in Christ Jesus. I am thankful that God used the trials of this life to correct my thinking and to make me stronger. There are so many women who stay in cycles of wrong thinking and because of that operate from a low-level of self-image. The low level of self-image causes these women to make the same poor choices over and over again, but the Lord has preserved me, and I am truly thankful.

I am thankful for rest!

Sometimes, we fell to realize that while God is doing great work in us through the trials and tribulations of life that there is a season of rest that takes place afterward. Just like in the natural when we go for a surgery or procedure. There is a season of rest for healing to fully take place. This is a place that God desires for us to reside in, and it is a place that I can say that I enjoy.

It doesn’t mean that life circumstances will not come up against me. It just means those circumstances cannot have my peace, nor my Biblical and sound perspective. I am thankful that I abide in a place of rest, and thus I can make healthy decisions from a place of rest.

I am thankful to still have a healthy expectation in the Lord after all I have been through!

Many give up on the Lord after not seeing things take place that they have wanted or expected within a certain time-frame. However, I’ve been blessed to desire the Lord above what he can give me. As a matter of fact, the things that I desire from him are a by-product of my intimate relationship with him. It was not my idea to desire to be married, but his:

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. – Psalms 37:4

I was just a regular girl with regular desires. I wanted a boyfriend when I was younger just for fun like others. I had no desire to live a consecrated life to the Lord for his glory. Neither would I have signed up for this on my own knowing the attacks that I would face, but God placed the desire within me as a result of seeking the Lord and delighting in him.

God chose to save me, and he sowed seeds of the Word of God into my heart. These seeds caused me to desire to seek him. As I sought him he began to place a desire in me more and more for his will. Because the Lord started this good work in me; I trust him to finish it (Philippians 1:6). Therefore I rest my expectation in the Lord. I am thoroughly impressed with what the Lord has done thus far and have an expectation for what he will continue to accomplish. I’m counting my blessings!

What are some of the things that God has done in your life? What are some blessings that you can begin to thank God for that will re-position your focus on the Goodness of The Lord rather than life circumstances? Please, feel free to share.