Many are leaving the church due to an offense, but our love walks have to grow with the pace or even beyond our interactions with others. An offense can be a catalyst to personal growth and maturity causing us to love in even the hardest of times. If we leave a church, relationship, or situation God has put us in too soon; we may, in turn, stifle our growth. This is why it is so important to be led by the Spirit of God.

Don’t get me wrong. I understand that going to church or being a part of a small group with difficult or unreasonable people can be hard, but we have to still seek the Lord to see how he’d have us to respond to such a situation. I often say that if I was not saved prior to going to church; I would not be saved now by simply going to church. Thankfully, I had an intimate relationship with the Lord before I started going to church, so it was normal for me to seek the Lord about confusing things I’d experience in the church.

Sometimes, people have an unrealistic expectation of people who go to church–placing them on a pedal stool, or expecting perfection when, in reality, people are just people. People aren’t perfect. They do not know every appropriate way to act and react just because they are in the church. People are developing at various maturity levels and yes that includes pastors and leaders.

Sometimes God will send you to another church altogether to heal and other times he may require you to remain at your same church and heal in process of dealing with the offense. We will never know if we do not seek the Lord for ourselves. We will never seek the Lord for ourselves if we do not pursue our relationship with God outside of the church.

I remember the first church I joined at 17. It was a bit of a culture shock because what was experienced at church as far as the rules were so different than what I expected. Of course, the rules were man-made and not of God. I struggled with fitting in and if I was good enough to remain in the church at times.

I remember one night at a prayer conference not going to prayer during my assigned hour to pray because I was so upset that I’d just been accused of trying to get an older woman’s husband. The woman had accused me because she did not like the length of the skirt I had on. I spent the rest of the night asking people if my skirt was too short. I had gotten it from one of the ladies at the church. I thought I was fitting in. Finally, years later when it was my time to leave that church, the Lord started to deal with me about leaving. I ended up getting seen in the grocery store by my pastor wearing earrings. She later rebuked me when I went back to the church, and a couple weeks after that I’d finished the letter God had put on my heart to write to her and I left.

Of course, I was hurt because she was preaching to the congregation that I had backslid because I had the earrings on, but God had already dealt with me about leaving, and he was already leading me to another church to heal. I continued to pray for my former pastor, and of course, I forgave her. Later, the Lord bought reconciliation when I was assigned to manage her web page at a radio station I had interned at. That whole ordeal allowed me to grow in my love walk, forgive when uncomfortable, and give grace for reconciliation.

Without challenges with flawed people; we’d never have an opportunity to grow, or practice some of the primary tenants of our faith; such as forgiveness. Every time we experience something hard and God empowers us with the grace to forgive; it helps us to grow. We see ourselves as more receiving of grace when we see the need for it in others. It should remind us of what Christ did for us and how we need to continue to do that for one another. We need to be so rooted in Christ’s love, character, and his word that we willingly decide to endure and forbear where God calls us for our personal development and the development of others.

People become genuinely convicted when genuine love is shown. We cannot grow in our love walk if our love is never tested. Don’t always expect things to be comfortable with dealing with people. Church people are still people and thus are flawed. Learn to show grace, to forgive, and to love in spite of. Be led by the Spirit on whether you should stay at the church you’re at or leave for another.

​It is going to take humility to endure with patience. One, because patient endurance requires trust in Christ to avenge or resolve any wrongdoing done to us that provoked us. Although, the norm isn’t to be provoked to patience, but to fighting. We want to fight for our reputation when someone gets out of pocket lying or accusing us, but it takes discipline and humility to patiently endure remaining consistent in our character.

This is something the Lord is personally dealing with me on. It’s also something I noted from Michelle Obama’s book when media was painting her as an angry Black woman who was anti-American during her campaigning for her husband prior to the White house win; She was advised that the best way to respond was not to respond at all.

How many of us would be able to humble ourselves not to respond if the Holy Spirit told us not to do so? Not many would be willing if they had not already begun training themselves for humility.

In Psalms 35:13, David shares how he humbled his soul—mind, will, and, emotions, with fasting and prayer. In the whole chapter, he complains to the Lord about how these people that he prayed for treated him poorly as if he was an enemy. His response was not to defend himself but to entreat the Lord to defend him with fasting and prayer. Thus, we see that fasting and prayer is one way to protect our spirit and to cause us to walk in humility.

It causes us to hear the instruction of God more clearly, so we will know how to respond to any given situation. Recently, I’d been fasting and praying about somethings. I wanted to know how to settle and resolve a thing in my spirit. I needed to know how to respond to people with religious spirits, who accuse others such as myself without being prideful or responding in pride. ​​Below are some of the scriptures that came up in my spirit:

Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also. And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away. – Matthew 5:38-42

Don’t Respond on the Defense, but Learn to Trust God and Your Character to Defend You:
I’ve made up in my mind to no longer respond to the religious even in my mind. This is in line with the idea of being so humble that I realize I don’t have to defend myself. God will defend me, and my godly character will also provide a defense for me. Not focusing on the negative things said by religious accusers allows me to keep my mind clear to focus on what God is saying. It also allows me to avoid any self-fulfilling prophecies of the negative being said.

I will admit, I am not perfect at this. I’m learning and becoming disciplined in this area. The scriptures above speak about a level of humility that is rarely seen–allowing someone to mistreat us while trusting God to provide justice for us. I was reminded on this week, how our boy, “David” was tempted again to get back at someone who disrespected him. This time, it was a guy named Nabal. When David was on his way to recompense Nabal for what he did to him. God allowed Abigail, Nabal’s wife to intercede for her household preventing bloodshed. Later, that night, God killed Nabal and Nabal’s wife was given over to David. God ended up recompensing him. God will do the same with us if we do not allow ourselves to get out of the character of trusting in God.

When Teaching, Only Share What God Gives Me to Share. Don’t Respond to Accusers During Teachings:

But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law. – Galatians 5:18

There is a freedom that I can expect when being led by the Spirit instead of being drawn into the flesh through a fight with a religious person. It’s simply a distraction. I have to guard my mind, will, and emotions from distractions that would cause me to be in bondage to the laws of man. Every man has his own interpretation of the law and how things should go, but the Spirit of God is the one who gives the proper interpretation of his own Word. He wrote it.

 ​“Having too much respect for man’s opinion can lead to fear of man instead of fear for God which is a form of bondage.

There’s more than I’ve written in my journal regarding this, but this is enough information to get the drift that humility is required to navigate those who come against us in any way with negativity. The enemy could very well be using them to distract us, but if we are walking in the Spirit, we can dodge the distraction through patience and endurance.

I am still learning about this, and thus, God will probably send more tests my way to perfect this inside of me. This is why we should be thankful for tests not always wishing they would go away. They are here to refine us. Refine me Lord to the place of humility that you desire. Teach me how to be wise as a serpent, but harmless as a dove.

To be wise means we see what’s going on clearly. To be harmless as a dove means we’ve made a conscious choice not to respond in a way that provokes war, distraction, and disturbance in our spirit. We maintain our balance of peace through patience, humility, and trusting in God to exonerate us.

How well do you protect your spirit? Recently, on my social media, I wrote about the importance of a quiet spirit. A quiet spirit is a spirit that lacks distraction and unnecessary noise. It’s a disposition of peace that allows us to hear God clearly, and to be more self-aware realizing what is going on within us. It also allows us to continuously move forward as we follow God’s leading. Without it, we have the potential to get stuck, delayed, or to lose control emotionally. Loss of emotional control can lead to poor decision making.

Did you know that patience is something that helps us to have a quiet and well-controlled spirit? I will discuss this a bit later in this post. Read the below scripture to see the danger of not having a well protected and controlled spirit.

He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. – Proverbs 25:28

Lack of self-control over our spirit produces a danger for us making us more vulnerable to being overcome. When referencing our spirit in this article, I am talking about the invisible part of us which is our soul. Our mind, will, and emotions make up our soul.

Practicing patience is one of the key ways to rule over our own spirits. Patience meaning: “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. (Google Dictionary),” or “the ability to remain calm when dealing with a difficult or annoying situation, task, or person.” Could smart remarks from others or uncomfortable situations be producing patience within us if we discipline ourselves to respond with patience? Below are three scriptures that discuss the power that God placed within us for self-control and patience.

Luke 21:14 – Settle it therefore in your hearts, not to meditate before what you shall answer.

This speaks of our ability to practice self-control in what we meditate on. We can control how we respond to various situations. It also speaks to a leaning on God to show us how to respond. God instructs his disciples in the above scripture not to worry about what they will say in a nerve-wracking situation, but to look to him who will give them what to say. How often do we acknowledge God when confronted with words, or situations that make us uncomfortable or anxious concerning our response?

Luke 21:19 – In your patience possess your souls.

Jesus is speaking with his disciples about how it will be before Jesus comes back. He had warned about how it would be so bad that men’s hearts would fell them because of fear. In spite of a hard time, Jesus shared a clue on how his disciples could keep their minds, will, and emotions intact and that is through patience.

Remember patience is a way of practicing endurance without losing our cool. Endurance is a form of waiting through a thing that is difficult. It’s a way to forbear with the situation at hand and still maintain sobriety and self-control. This, of course, is going to require God’s grace to do so, but it can be done. We will talk about this more next week when we discuss protecting our spirit through humility.

I was leaving the house of one of my mentors when she shared that I had a fear of men. She explained how the fear of men is a trap because it holds a person back from their full potential. She used the example of a class of students and a child in the class avoids raising his hand to answer a question because he doesn’t want to be looked at as the smarty pants in the group. I had complained to her briefly about some of the harsh judgments in the body of Christ relating to single Christian women. I wanted to know if she’d been through it because her testimony is very similar to mine except that she is now married.

Her response was that I need to get to the point where I did not care. She suggested going deeper into God and seeking him on what I needed to do to be free from that. I had not realized that before her insight. In my mind, I had previously interpreted my response to what other believers said about me being a Christian single as trying to do things humility. I thought it was wise to consider the point of view of other believers just in case I was in need of correction. 

However, it was clear to my mentor that I needed not to consider the point of view of the Christians who made me second guess myself, my intentions, or my worthiness as a single believer. It was obvious to her that I have a unique calling and way of expressing myself that pleases God; therefore, I needed not to worry about pleasing man.

​Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety. – Proverbs 29:25

I had this conversation with my mentor on last year in 2018. Since that conversation, I’ve challenged myself as well as prayed about not allowing myself to succumb to the expectation of what some expect me to be as a single Christian woman.

Instead, I’ve challenged myself to be authentically myself no matter what it costs. Where it costs rejection of some; there will be acceptance among others. God promises to supply my needs, so I don’t have to bargain any part of my identity to be accepted among men not even Christian/churchmen and women.

I’m currently listening to Michelle Obama’s book “Becoming” where she shares about overcoming other people’s expectation of her. She shared how she met with an advisor who was to help her get into her desired school–Princeton. The advisor shared that she did not think that Michelle was Princeton material. This stuck with Michelle so much so that she decided to no longer meet with that advisor. She decided to ask someone else who knew her better to write a letter of recommendation to help her to get to her desired goal.

She was successful simply by shifting who she allowed into her personal dream. She invited someone in who would value her and what she had to offer instead of pre-judging her to only be capable of a faulty expectation that would prove not good enough. Michelle provides a valuable key to overcoming the fear of man. That is to continue to pursue anyway what you know you are worthy of. Block out the voices of those that are negative and clueless. People will always judge others based on how they appear instead of what the truth of a person’s heart and actions prove. Move forward with the encouragement of those who are genuinely for you.

I’ve left the fear of men in 2018. I plan to continue to only entertain perspectives that are in line with what God is speaking over me. I plan to receive from others who genuinely care about me closing the door to those who speak and judge by appearance and presumption.

Welcome to 2019! Prayer is one of the ways that we build our faith. I want to challenge you to listen for the Lord as you seek him in prayer to give you something specifically for you to believe for in this year. If what God gives you is attached to a scripture, rehearse that scripture and that word over and over again in your mind. This will help you should you meet challenges that look like things will not pan out.

I challenge you to believe and act toward your decree in faith. A decree is a word that comes out from an authority. This means it has power and expectation behind it. Setting our expectation for the new year can and will keep us moving in faith.

My personal decree for myself is below:

I believe this is my year of exceeding blessings. With every corner, turn, and shift of this year, I will see exceeding blessings on my behalf. Back in 2015, I had begun entering into a season of trial and tribulation that prepared me for this year. I had asked the Lord that year why were so many things happening at one time–one right after the other. This year I will see a response to that prayer in that I will see layers of good things happening one after the other. This is my decree. Just as God gave Job double for what he endured. I am expecting double.

Whatever I put my hands to will prosper. In addition to my decree, I’ve been taking some steps of faith working on things behind the scenes. This word propels me to continue to move forward. You see faith without works is dead. We have to also move by faith because we believe. I will be sharing my testimonies on social media as the year goes on.

​I’ve been made ready for this year!

Final encouragement: Don’t despise small beginnings. If the steps you are taking are small or people cannot see them; That’s okay. All of the most successful people in life started out doing something small consistently and that is what allowed them the capacity to handle the big things. Keep going!

Learned how to Receive
I have been thankful all year round. This year has been a reminder of my personal worth. Sometimes, in life, we can get so busy running from one thing to the next serving others, taking care of business, and such that we lose sight of what’s really important. We are really important–each and every last one of us. We have to be willing to take some intentional time and appreciate that.
 
Self Care
I set boundaries this year and did not feel bad about it. If I was not immediately available, I let others know when I would be available. I asked for prayer when needed. I asked for help when needed from friends like when I needed some pictures taken for a magazine feature and my friend was able to assist in that area.
 
Victory with my Hormones
 I’ve always had crazy battles with my hormones as a single woman, but I can honestly say that this year has not been that bad. Thank the Lord! It’s like God has given me a new grace to wait. Everything has been more settled and stable on this year.
 
Placed within Godly Community
It’s hard when a person is serious about God and somewhat mature to find community because many pre-judge that person to not need community, to be stuck up, a know-it-all, or prude. However, this year I was able to meet and re-unite with some people who had faced similar challenges and we’ve been a support to one another. No matter how much someone loves God or has a measure of wisdom; we all need community. We all need to be accepted and feel loved among others. This has helped to settle some struggles and battles within me.
 
Maintained Proper Perspectives More Easily
I’ve omitted a lot of unnecessary information from blogs, and accounts on social media that focus on a perspective that does not edify me. Some blogs are Christian, but accusatory in nature. I simply omitted that and willfully focused on what God says about me. This along with the self-care has helped me to enjoy the right perspective about who I am and how God sees me.
 
Overcame Fear
I decided to live this year. Not just get by, but to step out and do somethings for myself. I went on a few trips doing things that interest me. I met one of my favorite authors, rode a camel for my first time. Took plenty of Snapchat pics with cute filters, and was committed to not entertaining anyone not ready for me. As a matter of fact, I’ve been single all year not dating anyone and I did not feel bad about that in the least. I’ve face my fears with faith in expectation of a bright future.

God created us in his image
This is a very common question that many men bring up, and it has been answered in the word of God. God gave this responsibility over to man. God gave every man free will. In addition to a free will, God gave man dominion over everything concerning the earth. That’s every living creature, vegetation, skies, seas, everything within the earth realm has been given over to the dominion of man.

The Bible is also clear that we were made in God’s image and likeness. That means that we are to reflect God in the earth. If we aren’t clear on how to do that; we have an example of that in Jesus Christ, yet not only Jesus Christ, but others in the scripture who have understood this mantle and taken it on well.

One of the way’s God expresses his image is to preserve life
Noah is one of the early people who understood that mantle well to reflect the image and dominion of God in the earth as a man. We see that through the story of the flood, Noah allowed himself to be used as an instrument to preserve life. Not only was he used to preserve the lives of his wife, sons, and their wives, but all living creatures on the earth. The earth was subjected to destruction because of the evil of man. The innocent animals were subjected to destruction because of the evil of man, but God found one man willing to be used as an instrument to preserve life, and thus a pair of every living thing that man had been given dominion over was preserved through one man’s obedience.

Your obedience is attached to preserving someone else’s life
The scripture talks about how the earth was subjected to decay by the will of the one who subjected it in the hope that the sons of God would come into the revelation of who they are and experience God’s intended glory (See Romans 8:19-21).

What are the scriptures saying? They are saying that mankind has the authority to stop the earthquakes, mass shootings, drive-by shootings, and all of the ill things that we experience. How? By coming into the revelation of who we are and what we are to do here. Jesus Christ is referenced in scripture as the last Adam. Adam, meaning man (See 1 Corinthians 15:22). After the first Adam, in the Garden of Eden, gave away the authority he’d been given to the serpent through deception; God had to send himself as a man to gain that authority back as a man—exampling to man how we ought to walk out our authority.

We ought to obey God when it is hard, tough, and sometimes doesn’t make any sense, and in doing so, someone else’s life will be saved. With Jesus, all men have a chance at salvation. With Noah, the human race was preserved through the judgment of God on sin and evil. What will be your story? In what ways is God challenging you to obey him, so that someone else’s life will be preserved? Let’s walk worthy of the calling of God in Christ Jesus.

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. – Ephesians 4:1

In some aspects, social media does bring us closer together by allowing us to keep up with our high school and college friends that we would not have otherwise been able to keep up with, and connecting us with new people through groups and mutual friends. However, in some ways, social media can also cause us to take each other for granted.

So, recently I’ve been on this 21-day social media fast where I have not gotten on social media except through Hootsuite to post to my blog. Thus, I’ve missed all of my real friends’ and families’ highlights online. Not seeing the highlights of my friends and family on a regular makes me legitimately miss them.

I’ve found myself texting and calling my friends and siblings more since I was no longer keeping up with them on social media. It’s as if seeing the highlights regularly create the illusion that I’ve kept in contact with that friend because I know what’s going on via social media, but social media is so limited and only shows the highlights.

It doesn’t necessarily show the deep things of the heart such as how a person is really feeling or doing. That could be why extremely genuine appearing posts normally garner the most likes because genuineness is not something we’re used to getting from social media. Did we really participate in checking up on and supporting our friends and relatives by simply giving them a like?

I actually have a brief blog series coming up about how our generation longs for and faces the challenge of vulnerability—meaning a safe place to let our hair down and just simply be us. Stay tuned for the upcoming series with some pointers on how to get that vulnerability and genuine intimacy that we need in the weeks to come.

Other things I’ve noticed since being off social media: There is no pull to compete with anyone or to get something done on a particular timeline such as being married or reaching a height within a career. Not focusing so much on others allows us to appropriately focus on ourselves and focus on others in a more intimate and easy to connect fashion.

When building a relationship in real life as opposed to social media; it isn’t just to connect around similar interests, but to connect with the actual person for who he or she is. Social media has gotten really big with business networking and sometimes you cannot tell whether a person is really with you or just networking around business purposes.

I’ve enjoyed my social media fast so much so that it is almost tempting to continue until the end of the year, but if I did that I’d miss out on some of the really good things social media has to offer such as various local events that I otherwise would not have heard of. You know a girl has to go out and have some fun every now and then.

The goal isn’t to get off of social media, but to utilize it in such a way to build stronger valuable connections. This may simply require more boundaries when signing back on such as un-following distracting accounts, and limiting scrolling time to a particular specified time. This will allow for more specificity in how social media is used.

It may also allow us to miss some of the highlights of friends and family causing us to want to check in with them more in person rather than following the illusion that their good because we’ve seen them on social media.

Have you ever done a social media fast? How did it make you feel? Did you feel more connected to people in real life? Share your thoughts below in the comments: