Can mutually attractive people of the opposite sex be just friends?​

As women, there are some guys that there is just a natural chemistry or kinship with. Those types of guys are easy to talk to and super friendly. They just make you feel mad comfortable. They are also attractive and they may find us attractive as well. However, due to underdevelopment in key areas such as purity and consecration, we quickly confine a brother to the friend zone.

Could this be a trap waiting to happen by being friends with someone of the opposite sex who is all of that, and yet still struggling to maintain consistency in the area of consecration or even worse, content with the lack of consecration to the Lord?

If it is okay to be friends with this type of a situation, how can boundaries be maintained to ensure the relationship remains as just friends? I am still learning, growing, and being tested in this area myself, but what I do believe is that we can either consciously or unconsciously use a person under the title as a friend to fill voids as singles that only God should be filling at the time.

When we open ourselves up to these sort of experiences; we, in turn, open ourselves up to be distracted. We distract ourselves from things like wholeness, undivided attention toward the Lord, and who we are in Christ, what we are called to do, and those we are called to walk with, in this season of our lives.

We can easily establish an emotional soul-tie with a friend by allowing the friend to fill the void that God would have filled until our husband is sent. Even though, there was never the title of a boyfriend; if a friend acts like, or crosses boundaries like they are a boyfriend, the same sort of a break up required in an actual dating relationship will be required with a friend of the opposite sex.

This is why I believe it is wisdom to keep this sort of a situation-ship posing as a friendship at bay. I believe that the would-be friend needs to be kept at arm’s length. That means there are levels of intimacy that the friend is not allowed to enter into.  If the thought of setting boundaries like a dating relationship comes up; then it is probably a distraction.

On the other hand, if the person is just attractive and he or she isn’t lacking in consecration but has the character and consecration to match one’s own; this person can be a friend, and the friend should already have a decent foundation with appropriate boundaries in that case which would prevent any type of confusion. God is not the author of confusion. Satan is the author of confusion. Our own lusts also author confusion in our lives.

Finally, us not being honest with ourselves about our own lusts and desires produces confusion. This confusion leads to us justifying why we allow our desires to be awakened before the appropriate time with the wrong person(s) and thus sin is produced in our lives again.

Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. – James – 1:15

Next week, I will share part II of this discussion where I was tempted with an old friend who came back into my life.

This is a real and needed post. Being single and walking in sexual purity is a form of sacrifice because it isn’t like our hormones don’t work. We just simply have no release when the fire sets ablaze. Some participate in ungodly things, while others simply endure through the suffering trusting God to one day deliver.

A few things that have helped me are the below:

Prayer

Have you ever heard the term to encourage yourself in the Lord? Well, sometimes I begin to encourage myself reminding myself that I will not always go through this. God said that he would supply my every need. God will supply my need for sexual release with my husband in the near future. I just have to endure where I currently am.

I begin to tell God, “Lord, you know what I need before I even ask. I thank you that you will supply my need in this area. I ask you to give me the grace to endure right now until the appropriate time comes for release in this area.”

I continue praying, “Lord, I thank you that your strength is made perfect in my weakness. I have a weakness in this area because I do not have an appropriate release. Give me your strength to endure until the appropriate time.”

My prayers are really a realization that I cannot obey God in this area without his help. He gave me this awesome desire to “Get Down”, and thus I am expecting him to bring to pass what he has promised. I will remind the Lord of his word. I will say, “Lord, you said in your word in order to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and every woman her own husband. Lord, I want to avoid fornication, thus I am expecting a godly husband. I thank you that you will bring this to pass. Continue to give me the strength to endure while I wait.”

Joking Prayer and simply acknowledging God when things get hot:

Yes, I joke with the Lord often in prayer, and there is nothing wrong with that. It helps me to distract myself from what’s going on plus I bust up laughing. There is an unspoken expectation that in order to approach God we have to always be serious and have a strange protocol to approaching God. I will say that we should always be respectful of God and hold him in high regard, but that doesn’t mean that we cannot be ourselves.

Some of my joking prayers to God about my hormones that actually have helped. “Lord, I’m going to need you to be a fireman right now, put the fire out Jesus!”

“Lord, my hormones are on 10 Jesus.”

“Lord, I want to (insert what you want to do in that moment.)”

“Lord, I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

“Lord, I don’t want to be a hoe. Help me, Jesus!”

We have to be real with God if we want his help. The humility of simply coming to him shows dependence on him, and actually empowers us with the grace that we need to continue to walk in purity, and if we fall we need to own our identity in Christ that covers our sin so that we can stand again.

​“A righteous man falls several times, but seven times gets back up again.”- Proverbs 24:16

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

However, when we depend on God’s strength we do not have to fall. We have to come out of the thinking that it is impossible to live holy for God as an unmarried person, and at some point, we will have to fall. That is not true. We do not have to fall into sexual sin.

Distracting Myself

If I am taking a brief nap. I get up sooner than I planned because sometimes lying in the bed brings on those feelings. I may listen to unrelated music that would definitely not have you in the mood. I may do a few squats hoping that will shake the feeling away–just anything to take my mind off of how I feel.

Becoming more guarded with what I watch for entertainment

I am very careful about what I watch on TV when I watch TV. There has been a couple of shows I have stopped watching because they have added just way too much sex. I don’t care if the show identifies with me to some degree as a single woman. My sexual purity is more important. I try not to get caught up in watching any series that will show consistent sex. My hormones just can’t take it. I discussed this in more detail in my book, “The Single Christian Woman’s Guide.” I talked about how the Bible gives us permission to be extreme when something is causing us to sin. It says if your eye offends you, meaning causes you to sin, pluck it out. I do a lot of plucking, and that helps too.

I was visiting my cousin who is not a devout believer in the well-known sense. He was telling me how good some movie was, and I asked the question, “Does it have a lot of sex in it?” He was like you crazy cuz. I said no, I’m serious. I can’t watch stuff with a lot of sex in it.

I did not even watch the Strait outta Compton movie because I heard the movie had a threesome in it. I had already watched a documentary about the group and how their music spoke of the social inequalities of the time. That was all I needed to know.

Let me be clear. I am not perfect and have not always done things right. I used to have a crutch of fantasy lust that I would run to when my hormones would be off the chain, but of course, God delivered me. Now, I run to God for grace.

What are some of the things that you do as a single when your hormones get hot? Please, share. Don’t be shy. We all grown lol!

Communication is such a huge issue. Without it; there is no way for humans to have relationships. This is why it is so important to continue communication through times of conflict. Conflict in relationships either draws us closer through careful and intentional communication or it drives a wedge between a couple creating a coldness. It all depends on how we handle conflict.

There are some who use the silent treatment in situations of disagreement; instead of taking advantage of the opportunity to talk it out. When we talk out our differences in relationships; it shows that we really care about the other person because we are willing to listen to him and consider his point of view. We then come to a resolution and are made stronger for it.

The silent treatment can be offensive during conflict because it infers manipulation. The silent treatment in this type of a situation also infers punishment toward the other person involved. It infers that the other person is only important when they are in line with what the angry party wants, and that their thoughts and points of view are not important.

This is not how Christ treats his bride nor how the church should respond to her head. Christ values our input by giving us free will; although he wants to persuade us to his will. He does so by love. The scripture says through love and kindness he has drawn us.

Just like our relationship with Christ carries a mutual respect, so must the relationship between a man and a woman. It cannot be one sided. Not only is mutual respect important in maintaining healthy communication, but humility also.

The silent treatment in conflict is a sure sign of pride. Operating out of pride and manipulation is a very selfish way to deal with conflict. However, the attitude of seeking to communicate and work things out is a team attitude that keeps the couple together as a unit. The other tears at the unit until it is completely torn apart.

The manipulative silent treatment is such a destructive pattern. It is a form of witchcraft that seeks to control another. We should not have to control our spouses into our way. Control is rooted in fear and insecurity. We should do things out of a root of love instead. Don’t get me wrong. It is okay to cool down and take a breath for a moment, but the silent treatment should not continue as a punishment.

If we choose to continue in the silent treatment, the coldness created in the relationship can cause the couple to begin to wonder what the other is thinking and even make assumptions that aren’t true due to the lack of communication. The awkwardness in the relationship gets stronger to the point where both the man and woman may give up on the relationship altogether without even knowing why.
Others, at this point focus more on the physical intimacy to attempt to draw the relationship closer ignoring the real issue which is the lack of communication. This is backwards. The physical intimacy experienced is only a reduced level of intimacy because intimacy does not start with the physical, but with connecting through communication.

It is through the commonalities found in communication that a greater passion between a couple is produced. This passion produces an emotional intimacy that will lead to the best and highest form of intimacy at the appropriate time after marriage. As believers, God promises us the best.
I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10
I don’t know about everyone else, but I don’t want any cheap intimacy. I want the best form of intimacy there is. In desiring, the best form of intimacy there is, I’ve made it my business to use the premarital stage of my life to practice building in every area expedient especially communication. Also, I am very disciplined in not depending on arousing the physical to create a false sense of intimacy to make up for a lack of communication.

Great communication between a couple proves that the two can get along and actually enjoy it and on top of great communication everything else is built in a relationship. Let’s begin to practice our communication skills now on our family and friends, and if we notice any unhealthy patterns, such as manipulation, let’s nip it in the bud now as singles in preparation of experiencing our best relationships.

I used to struggle with the idea of whether it was okay or Biblical to trust a man. I would think of scriptures in the Bible on not putting trust in men (Jeremiah 17:5). I observed the fickleness of the men around me, and still came to  a conclusion of confusion that it was not okay nor safe to trust men. However I wondered if there isn’t a place at all to trust men then how do marriages have anything solid that is worth building on. Then one day it clicked in my mind what I believe the appropriate and balanced perception is of the idea of trusting men.

That balance is to trust God in a man. Trusting God in a man means trusting the fact that the man is submitted to and following Christ. It’s almost just the same as trusting God, but we are trusting in God as He operates in our man. Like Paul when he says follow me as I follow Christ (1 Corinthians 11:1) . The moment the man stops following Christ, and we continue to trust in him, that is when we fall.

Unfortunately, that is what many of us women do. We fail at properly guarding our hearts and allowing our trust to be in God in the name of being “open” to love by trusting in a man who doesn’t deserve our trust because we cannot locate Christ in him to trust in. We in turn give credit to a man to whom no credit is due, and we act shocked when that man doesn’t do us right.

Trust in a unfaithful man is like a broken tooth and foot out of joint (Proverbs 25:19). Being open to anyone without properly guarding our hearts isn’t being open to love. It’s being open to get hurt and possibly so hurt that when appropriate love shows up we are so bitter that we cannot receive it. The adverse side to that is holding our trust for someone who deserves it, but becoming discouraged when we have to hold on to that trust for so long without having anyone to present themselves deserving of our trust. We begin to question whether any man is worth trusting and this can also cause us to become bitter.

Just because a man is saved doesn’t mean that he is trustworthy. It doesn’t mean that he is a bad person, but may not be ready yet to lead a woman. Maybe he hasn’t taken the time to cultivate that side of him that would cause him to earn a woman’s trust. I know we want to give the brothers a pass because he may be saved, and we are tired of waiting or feeling lonely, but sometimes it’s best to continue to wait to allow that man to develop.

We should be looking for Christ in him to trust. In other words, his consistent submission to Christ’s leading which in turn means that he can lead us. In doing this, Christ is displayed appropriately in the marriage relationship. The husband is the physical representation of Christ’s love for the wife, and the wife is the physical representation of the respect we have for Christ

In an imperfect world, how can we be sure that we see Christ in a man to trust him?

A false balance is abomination to the LORD: but a just weight is his delight. – Proverbs 11:1
The above scripture speaks of something being weighed or determined. God already knows the truth, so in the process of determining, it would be simply disrespectful to lie to God or to present a false presentation. A false balance is a false presentation or an appearance. It simply does not add up. A just weight represents something that is truthful. It balances out or it checks out as being authentic. We judge a person’s trustworthiness in this way through a balanced display of consistent fruit, as well as the guidance of the Lord through his word and such.

Now is the time as single women to learn real trust by being open to and placing our trust in the one who can never let us down, and that person is Jesus Christ himself. As we meet men whom we can see consistent submission to Jesus in, we can continue to put our trust in Jesus through trusting that man only as he leads by trusting in Christ himself. Isn’t it wonderful how everything important in the life of a believer is interconnected to Christ? As long as our trust is rooted in Christ, we can never fail.

There isn’t enough money in the world to buy me:
If all of the nations of the world put together all of the money in the world to buy me it still would not be enough because I don’t want to fall in love with the money a man makes. I want to fall in love with the man himself. While I appreciate a man valuing me enough to spend money on me taking me to nice restaurants.  That is not the main or final indicator to me that I should stop waiting and settle on a gentleman. A man being able to provide is the bare minimum of a requirement for a man who wants a family. That’s why the Bible says a man who does not provide is worst than an infidel because providing is expected. Meaning, there isn’t even a need of a revelation from God to do that nor a requirement to have a relationship with God to do that. It’s naturally wired in a man’s nature. A woman of higher character, quality, and standard is going to be checking for more then that. The Bible says that her price is far above rubies. That’s more than what money can buy.

When we see a man who leans more heavily on his money and notoriety from wealth instead of his own personal development and ability to authentically show himself and be himself, it points to a greater insecurity: When I see a man over compensating with his pocketbook, being flashy, or creating what they feel is a highly sought after image; I can’t help, but to think it is due to some form of insecurity. We all have our various insecurities in life, but if we become vulnerable enough to deal with them even if that means exposing them to trustworthy people; we can overcome them. It is better to deal with the insecurity rather than to cover it up and pretend like it isn’t there because it will come out at sometime or another.

Also, affects of the insecurity can come out in the relationship, and because the insecurity is hidden, there will be a big question mark as to what is really going on in the relationship causing distrust. Things like this cause couples to break up and they don’t even know why. When God sends us someone it will be someone who has the grace and love to deal with our insecurities. The right woman will be secretly praying for you regarding this instead of putting you down. Remember perfect love casts out all fear. You should not fear showing the right woman your insecurities. You should be checking her out to ensure she is mature and trustworthy just like she should you.

When I hold Up a Standard and Walk in My God Given Identity, It is Not Because I Am a Controlling, Manipulative, Jezebaal:

When a man finds a wife, he finds someone who is good, and favor awaits this man. However, some men mistake what is good for something bad because the woman does not immediately shift to what that man wants in that moment. Have you as a man ever considered that God has placed specific boundaries around a woman to keep her ready and to see her develop for the man, life, destiny, and calling that he has for her. Why should a woman put down the boundaries that have kept her safe, and sound all this time because she meets a new gentlemen who seems different from the rest?

It is through being consistent in maintaining her identity that she has become the woman that has gained your interest. Now, you ask that she throws that away because you are different. That is a bit much to ask. If a man leaves a woman because of her God given standard; I am convinced he really did not want her in the first place. It is built within a mature woman of God to desire to submit to a man, but single women have to be discerning about what they are submitting to.

If a man is operating out of a spirit of confusion and instability communicating mixed messages such as: One week he wants us the next he doesn’t. Has no clarity, provides vague instruction; or operates strictly out of the flesh, and not the Spirit of God, our standard or boundary may tell us to take a step back so we are protected from confusion and lack of peace. Women are responders when it comes to submission to a man and letting a man lead. If the man is confused; we will be confused. Thus, we have to take a step back in that moment as we pray for the man to work that out with God and his leadership that he is submitted to. Yeah, brothers you gotta be submitted to other godly men. It will be hard for a high quality godly woman to trust a prideful stubborn man who insists on walking alone. We have to protect ourselves.

Because I do not want to get physical right away, meaning to kiss, doesn’t mean that I am asexual:
 A real woman of God who is whole and knows who she is; is soft, feminine, and desires to unleash all of her love and affection on one man, but this has to be done in a place of security. A woman longs for two main things to be loved and to be secure. A real woman of God knows the difference between a man saying he loves her and showing that he loves her. Until a man is willing to give a woman these two things by meeting the qualifications God has set up for the particular woman consistently; she cannot accept a ring to unleash her wild beast on a brother. It takes time to build these things. It takes openness and vulnerability on both the man and woman’s part, and most of all it takes both individuals willfully, and intentionally submitting to Christ as the center and foundation of the relationship.

We as women have to remember our power of influence.We have the power and authority by God to change the course of a nation, household, life, and whatever we set our sights on. So, why do we set our sights so low regarding ourselves when it comes to getting a man? Just like Eve in the garden of Eden was able to influence the whole direction of man kind by following the poor advice of a snake; we as women have the power to encourage men in positive ways to influence them and generations to come.

One of the major ways that we can influence is through holding up a standard. Whether we know it or not, women set the standard when it comes to relationships. Our power is in the standard that we set. When we set a standard, we have to take ourselves seriously and stick to that standard. If we do not stick to the standard, the men around us will not take us seriously, and will lose respect for us.

We are the prize. The Bible says that a godly wife is from the Lord. That means that she is to be prized as being received and prepared by God to be given to a man who has earned favor from the giver, who is God. There is a standard to be met. God’s standards are set around us to protect us, and to preserve us. Not only do our standards protect us, and preserve us, but they provoke men to reach a higher standard. This is how we as single women help men. We remove ourselves from them when they are not ready to attain to God’s standard.

In the garden of Eden, God did not present Adam with his wife until he was ready for her. He taught Adam the value of walking with God first, being prepared financially through working in the garden, and the value of having someone else through viewing the pairing of animals. Before God bought Eve to Adam, He showed him how all of the animals had someone to compliment them of the opposite sex. The same thing goes for relationships now. Men have to see the value in having us in their lives. They have to lose the ideal of using women selfishly and conveniently for sexual pleasures without taking on the responsibility of performing the rest of the role of having a man in one’s life. Things such as being the spiritual covering over the household, guarding against ungodly influence that seeks to break up the home, and walking together with his lady, not below her or above her. There is so much that I could say on this, but we as women need to stop being so afraid of being alone that we are willing to compromise what God has promised to us just to belong to someone temporarily.

I say temporarily because most times if a man isn’t ready and prepared; the relationship that we establish with them will not last. We start all over again disappointed again, when we could simply hold up a standard, measure, and say this ain’t it I think I’ll continue to wait. It is just that simple. That same man moves on to the next woman who doesn’t know her worth. When we relax our God given standard we enable men not to grow, not to get prepared, not to submit to the Lord. They simply have no motivation to do so. Let’s be used by God as motivator’s for men to get into position and stop lowering our price as if we aren’t worth much. The devil is a liar!!!!

The Need for Intentionality in our Relationship with God and Our Spouse
We cannot live on the intentionality of yesterday in our relationship with our spouse or with God. Just like we planted specific seed to get to where we are today; we are going to have to plant specific seed to not only move to where we are to go for tomorrow, but to maintain our footing of where we are currently avoiding backtracking.

We go from glory to glory in our relationship with God. Even though there are rough patches at times along the way we end up treading on higher ground. Well, sometimes we avoid our responsibility in the process and expect things to happen naturally. This isn’t the case.

For those of us in a relationship, in the beginning we were very intentional to answer the phone every time our boo called, made time to spend with him or her. We set aside time where we would not be distracted from listening to and communing with our loves to really understand and see where they were coming from. But after a while, we felt like we had them. We took them for granted. We made doing the things that we did before a chore or fell back altogether.

We made coming to God a chore. We come to God in prayer and are content without tapping into the Spirit or hearing what God has to say. We have no real connection, and have forgotten how to pour out our souls to the Lord, and receive an answer. We have allowed our satisfaction to come from things that God has provided instead of from fellowship with him.

When our relationship with God feels like the above, it is a sign that we need to be more intentional with God. Just like we fasted and prayed early on, we will need to continue to fast and pray. Just like we set aside un-distracted time in the past to seek God’s heart, we will have to continue to become even more intentional in doing so in moments like the above.

During that un-distracted time we can write in our journals and reflect if our heart is toward the Lord, has anything come into place to remove God from being first in our hearts. We can ask God to examine our hearts, and to remove anything and everything that is not like him.

During this quiet time, we will become refreshed, and our relationship with God will be rejuvenated, and we will find it easier to commune with God in prayer. Even if we don’t see results right away, we must be encouraged to still pursue intentionality in our seeking God, and he will reward us (Hebrews 11:6).

What about when we experience a disconnect in our personal relationships with our spouses?
Well, because our relationship with our spouse is to mirror that of the relationship of Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:30-32). We should become more intentional with our spouses when experiencing a disconnect. I don’t know how many old people that I’ve heard say this phrase, “Remember the reasons why you fell in love with your spouse, and go back to those things.”
In other words, If it floated your spouse’s boat to call regularly or shoot a regular text saying how you miss them or how beautiful that she is; don’t just stop doing that altogether. Go back to those things that drew you all to one another and be intentional about making those things work.
Many marriage ministries use as a guide the book, “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. That book describes learning what relates best to one’s spouse that he or she is loved. Once, this language is found out, the partners respond to each other based on their love language. The book shares what the five love languages specifically are.
When experiencing a disconnect with the hubby or the wife, don’t run to the divorce court, but one to one another. Set apart some time where the both of you are refreshed, relaxed, and rested to discuss where the relationship is, and concerns of the heart. Discuss the goals of the relationship, and set realistic expectations on how to attain those goals.

Some starter questions to evaluate the relationship and facilitate discussion and connection are below:

• Am I serving you well?
• Are you satisfied with where our relationship is?
• How can we make our relationship stronger?
• If there is a specific issue affecting connection, be sure to address that specific issue in the time that is set apart.

Just like our relationships with our spouses are holy; our relationship with God is holy. To be holy means to be set apart. We have to set apart time to adjust to the tending of these relationships to ensure strength in these covenants. It is in no way easy to maintain a relationship with God nor with a marriage partner without intentionality.

We have to love on purpose, and when it doesn’t feel right have those discussions and take steps to make sure our relationships are strong and solid. Remember the relationship of marriage is to reflect the relationship with God and his bride (the church.) Just like we have to set ourselves aside to keep that relationship strong; we have to do the same thing in our marriages.

A good spouse to Christ makes a good spouse to another. Let’s not be lazy in just expecting our relationship with God and our spouse to work on it’s own, but let’s be intentional in being as diligent as we were on yesterday.

Isn’t it ironic how as human beings dependent on the Lord, we have to always wait on something. I’ve talked about waiting on other occasions in my writings, and how waiting makes us stronger because it exposes what’s in us, and causes us to become more attentive of our need for humility and dependence on Christ.
Imagine the woman who has waited on God for years for a godly spouse, and he shows up. He isn’t exactly as she had pictured. In fact, she really did not know altogether what to picture. He is ready enough for her, but there are those areas that need to be smoothed out so that she can feel more secure as a woman.
In that case, what should the woman do? The natural inclination would be for her to say how she feels until she sees change. However, that can get to the point of nagging.

I like Wikipedia’s definition of nagging:

“Nagging, an interpersonal communication that, is repetitious behavior in the form of pestering, hectoring, or otherwise continuously urging an individual to complete previously discussed requests or act on advice.

”Nagging in turn can work against the woman. Even though she may be wise, It can make her appear as a fool. We know what the Bible says about foolish and quarrelsome women.

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 25:24 (NIV)

 Of course there is a time to speak, and it is very important that feelings are shared instead of being held inside especially when they are important. Sharing will require wisdom with timing and place to ensure what is shared is taken in thus not giving opportunity to a need to repeat what was shared.
Women know their husband’s patterns and such where he will be most receptive of what she has to share. That is what a wise woman does. She applies appropriate timing and place to sharing certain things that are important to her, and she learns once she has shared her most effective work will be in her prayer closet.

The idea is not to avoid the temptation of nagging meaning not ever being placed in an uncomfortable situation, but to become sharper in the area of discipline to pray instead of exercising the need to always say. One of the hardest disciplines for a woman is when she sees things out of place or not how she would like, and nothing has been done to address that. That is when the temptation to dishonor a man comes into play. As women, we really have to depend on the Lord to be able to honor our men in the face of disappointment in various areas.

We have to be sensitive enough in the Spirit to know which wars to fight with silence, grace, and love in our speech and demeanor, and yet raising our petitions sincerely to the Lord who hears them, and will answer them. Perhaps an uncomfortable situation for a woman in courtship or as a wife could be a blessing in teaching that woman not to be selfish or prideful only considering herself and her needs, but to deny herself and respond to the needs of her husband. After all, the bride of Christ’s response is for us to be a living sacrifice holy and acceptable unto the Lord which is our reasonable service (Romans 12:1).

Therefore, both the husband and wife have to deny themselves in the relationship at times. The husband denies himself giving up his life for his wife like Christ did the church, and the wife does the same thing in turn learning to deny herself and to sacrifice for the relationship as it is her reasonable response to her loving husband. In this way, both individuals learn and grow to be more like Christ in their relationship, and that is indeed God’s primary purpose for marriage. Remember if we seek God’s purpose first everything else will be taken care of (Matthew 6:33). So, the relationship will begin to develop into what God intended for us, and that is God’s best.