In counseling, his wife was asked what she loved about her husband, and she went on and on about the things she loved about him. The husband began to cry. Why? Because he never heard her speak so well of him. Cornelius called this the 99% to 1% ratio. Where many married individuals focus on the 1% of their marriage they do not like and lose sight of the 99% that they do like. He warns that this behavior can lead to divorce and the loss of a good man.

Instead of Focusing on The Negative Use Words of Affirmation to Highlight the Positives
Cornelius shares how building a man up with words of affirmation would produce a desire in him to begin to deal with the things that the woman may see as a negative in their relationship. He shares that for many men their nourishment is encouragement and this encouragement will cause them to grow in areas where they are weak.

Cover Your Man With Respect
The book talks about how a gentleman was hurt that his wife divulged negative information about him to others. He felt that it was a reflection of her disrespect for him and he grew silent. Another woman in the book insulted her husband over the dinner table eating out with friends.
She chided him for not allowing her to order first as she is the woman asking why he would do such a thing. She essentially belittled him as a child. If she did not have enough respect for him to protect him in front of others in speaking well of him; it points to a greater problem that needs to be addressed. Please, don’t ever follow this woman’s example.

Some Men Avoid Confrontation
Cornelius shared how there are some men who grow silent due to avoiding confrontation. “Many men, we think in a linear sequence: problem-process-solution. We hear the problem and want to find the process that will bring about a solution. Many men become silent when they do not know the solution or when the process confuses them.” Whereas, women want to discuss the solution. His silence in short communicates frustration with the process.

A Man Can Use his Relationship With His Woman to Avoid Dealing With Deeper Issues
Cornelius, in the book, had gotten together with several men who were married, unmarried, and of various ages. One of the unmarried men had picked up a girlfriend on the rebound to fill his void of loneliness. He was now ready to break up with her as he did not sincerely want  to be with her, but he felt she was emotionally unstable and could not handle it.

Others, in the room who were married warned the young man not to marry her as he did not really want to be with her. The other men in the group also felt miserable in their situations. While they bought women into their issues to make themselves feel better and realized that these women could not fix them; they were ready to drop the women or blame the women when in actuality the women were being used to distract from the deeper issues.
Cornelius pointed out two main issues that the brothers had:
Each brother had a broken relationship with God. “They had abandoned, God, their first love, to find satisfaction and fulfillment in other people and things.”
“Unfortunately, they were using a “love” relationship to fill a void so they would not have to deal with the issues of their heart.”

I would encourage you to read more of this interesting and eye-opening book. It is available at Amazon.

This book does just what it says it will do which is to persuade or remind us as single women to love our status. It pin-points some very important and enjoyable facts that are unique to the single woman’s experience such as the ability to enjoy the initial pursuit of an appropriate suitor.

In discerning, the suitor according to his actions and not by what he says, we also enjoy the ability to demand to be treated like ladies. She boldly reminds us that being concrete on our God-given standards and some additional preferences that we are willing to embody ourselves will ensure us that we get just what we are worthy of and that is God’s best.

I love some  of the helpful tips that KJ, the author,  includes to keep us stable while checking out a brother or even waiting and not talking to anyone at all. Tips include having a thankful journal, questions for each phase of dating, and not taking things past a first date when certain red-flags are in view.

The thankful journal is where she jots down big and small things that she is thankful for. The  thankful journal helps to have the right perspective in our season of waiting. Some of her key advice for the first date is not to ask too serious questions, but allow the questions to be broad enough to allow us to see if we’d like to continue to a second date.

One question we should ask initially:

If you were not a ________________ (current job title) what would you do? She shared how this question will reveal his passions.

One question that we should ask  later on:

Share your thoughts on ____________. (The blank could be filled with any moral issue of importance to you.) She shared this is a good way to see if you all are compatible on controversial issues that may be of importance to you.

She tackles the selfish attitude that many singles can acquire, and ways to combat selfishness. She answers the question of rather a soul-mate is actually a thing, suggests helpful relationship resources, and encourages women to live in the present.

Of course, my favorite parts are those that give women that extra empowerment boost that we need.

​See quote below:
“Insist he earn your investment on the grounds that you are a woman of high value. I’m not saying you should play emotional games. What I am suggesting is that I know many women who delve headfirst into a relationship as soon as a feller shows even a hint of interest. This generally scares guys, and by giving him your full investment up front, there’s no work he has to put in to win your heart.”Love this! Her book is available on Amazon and and her blog is kjhansel.com​​