I met Damika Davis at a speaking engagement. We both were speaking to students about their future. Damika is an author who started a foundation that helps single mothers pursue their own businesses. Her book, “Enduring the Single Mother Struggle” empowers single moms to stand firm in their identity, purpose, and right to an awesome future. Some of the nuggets she shares with single moms are below:

Danika acknowledged the temptation to quit
Danika discussed the challenge of facing each day as a single mom and sometimes wanting to just quit. However, quitting isn’t a choice when there are children dependent on their mom. This struggle causes moms to be tempted with looking for ways to get out of single motherhood such as relocating or seeking a new relationship. She shares that single mothers will have to shift their focus from how hard it is. Instead, she shared that the focus of a single mother should be on God and being responsible for taking care of her children. That includes working until God opens up other options.

She quickly moves the reader toward hope
The deed has been done. However, the single mother has become single rather through divorce, out of wedlock pregnancy, or losing a partner to death. The mother will have to embrace who she is as she moves forward in hope toward her future. “Shine like the stars in the universe and use what you have,” says Danika. She again, stresses the importance of the reader knowing who she is by saying, “When we know who we are; our children will not find it hard to discover who they are.”

A strong condemnation for punishing your child for the regret of being with their father
She says women should resist being the bitter woman who keeps the children away from the father in an attempt to punish and control the situation.

The Importance of a Support System as well as Self-care
Do you know who your support system is? If you do not, you need to establish one, Danika shares. These people should be trust-worthy people who will tell you the truth and hold you accountable. They can be friends, family, church members etc.
“Strive for a balance of time with your children, time for exercise to stay healthy, time for rest, and time to build a relationship with somebody other than your children.” All of these things contribute to self-care and a more balanced single mom who often gives of herself in overwhelming ways.

There is still hope for Genuine Love
Probably one of my favorite parts is when she encouraged single moms not to settle because they had kids. She reminded single mothers that they are still worthy of God’s best also. She shares how if a man loves you he will love you with all you come with including your children. She shares great tips on dating and observing the character of a man.

The women who read this book are encouraged to continue to grow and to continue to live. Danika makes it crystal clear that life is not over because one has become a single-mother, but life is just beginning in a new way. She encourages new mothers to be up for the challenge. She even includes words of wisdom and advice from other single mothers in the back of the book. There are self-reflection questions to help assess where one is at in her single mother journey.

Danika has lived through being a single mother and is now engaged to be married. She is an example that single-motherhood can be done well as we’ve seen on many occasions. To be a part of a support group for single parents visit: https://www.singleandparenting.org/startagroup/howitworks

To purchase Dannika’s book visit: https://www.amazon.com/Enduring-Single-Mother-Struggle-Damika/dp/0985590017

No Matter How Great We Are; We Need the Right Relationships With Others to Help Bring it Out

Michelle knew what her passions were. She wanted to help people, but she did not want to do it in the traditional path of being an attorney despite having her law degree. It was through the relationships with the right people that favor came into her life and she was set on a course that would take her far. Through the relationship that her mother had with someone, she was introduced to an employer at a popular school in Chicago, who referred her to someone, who referred her to Valerie Jarrett. This set Michelle up to work for City Hall in Chicago and form a strong relationship with Valerie learning the ins and outs of politics. She became a mentor to Michelle and would later serve as a senior advisor to her husband as President Barack Obama. Let’s pray that the Lord would lead us to the right relationships in our lives.

Learn to Take Opposition in Stride

Michelle talked about how Barack had to choose more than once between family and politics. He had to miss voting on an important bill within congress due to his daughter being sick. The media, as well as many leaders in the Black community, talked about him for days. They accused Barack of not being Black. They separated him from the struggle of African Americans because of his Harvard Degree. They spoke about him as if he did not care. Michelle mentioned that she was more upset about this than Barack. Barack seemed to take it in stride, she said. It was like he’d been built for it. He was determined and focused on helping the same community that rejected and separated him. Had they quit, many would not know of him today. Let’s learn to take it in stride like Barack when others misunderstand our good intentions. Let’s expect not to always be understood, but be at peace with who we are and our good intentions anyway.

Don’t be Focused on Too Many Things At Once

Barack had agreed to a book deal and was given an advance in the amount of approximately $40,000. However, by the time the deadline came for him to produce the book; he only had a couple of chapters done. He was given a demand to pay the advance back. He had been busy with several endeavors at one time, and that is what caused him not to finish the book on time. However, he came up with an awesome plan. He would rent a cabin for a specified amount of time where he would have no distractions from his normal life. He would be able to complete his book. He completed the book, released it, and therefore was able to pay back his first publisher. The lesson is to not focus on so many things at one time that we end up becoming less productive then intended. Sometimes, it’s better to focus on one or two things than 5 or 6 things.

I’m actually still listening to the audio book and learning some awesome lessons from the Obamas lives. I, in particular, like another lesson that she shared about an aha moment she had as it relates to setting boundaries and taking care of herself. There was an incident where she had been staying up late and not eating so she could eat with her husband when he got back from Springfield. After going to counseling, she found that was unhealthy for her and a possible source of her frustration regarding her husband’s job in politics. You’ll have to read the book to get the full insight. This is definitely a book that all should read. There are so many life lessons that Michelle shares so transparently.

If we are determined in our thinking to do something, We will accomplish what we are determined to do:

Her father had  Multiple Sclerosis. He did not allow that to stop him at accomplishing great things in life. He continued to move forward not complaining about the disease that he had, but he was a conqueror in spite of the disease. He was still able to get up and go to work and maintain paying for his children’s college along with his wife. They, together, pushed their children to go farther than they ever have and it paid off.

Don’t despise small beginnings

Briefly, I discussed the family’s small beginnings, and how they were cooped up in a small apartment in Chicago’s South Shore neighborhood. However, they were faithful in the little things. When Michelle complained to her mother that she wasn’t learning in her class; her mother raised hell getting Michelle into a class that would allow her to flourish.

Michelle became friends with Santita Jackson, Jesse Jackson’s daughter. It was through this friendship that Michelle was able to get an inside look at what it meant to be in politics, and what it meant to even run for the presidency. I’m sure at the time, she was not aware that she would one day be the 1st lady. However, God allows small situations in our lives to prepare us for the great future that he has for us.

Ignoring a Problem Can Cause the Problem to Get Worse

Michelle shared the hard lesson she witnessed in her father of his unyieldingness to get the medical help needed to treat his M.S. The family watched it get worse and worse while her father said he’d be okay. He had not trusted doctors like others in her family that she mentioned in the book. This could partially have been in part due to incidents like the Tuskegee institute experimentation done on Blacks where Syphilis was unknowingly injected into Black participants of a medical study. However, the lesson is to seek help anyway when something requires help beyond our scope. By the time, her father had gotten to the hospital by ambulance, things had gotten worse. So, worse that he further began to deteriorate and die by a heart attack. Had he gone to the hospital earlier; any health issue he had may have been monitored and treated saving his life.

The Story of Marriage was written by two of my favorite authors and speakers: John & Lisa Bevere. They are a husband and wife team who have been in ministry for years sharing several nuggets to assist the Body of Christ in coming to maturity.

I loved the book! It started out with the theme of comparing a marriage to a tree. Lisa & John likened a marriage to a tree sharing the below:

“In so many ways, our marriages can be likened to trees of life. Marriages grow at different rates in different seasons and do best when anchored by mature roots. They experience both fruit-bearing and barren years, as well as years of exceptional growth and others when growth is stunted. Each marriage is affected by its native climate, varying seasons, and buffeting storms, yet marriage offers shelter from life’s ever-changing winds.”

The couple makes clear that the idea of marriage is not a trap or something a person should fear getting stuck in. They turn the negative concept of fear into a positive by presenting marriage with the idea of it enlarging us as people. They use the term in the book, “the largeness of marriage.” This is a term that describes the enrichment that will come from marriage including the maturation, safety, humility, patience, and selflessness that is produced.

The book includes worksheets, questions, and guidelines at the end of each chapter that are great for couples to go through together, as well as for singles to look at to become aware of some of the work that marriage takes. Some key points the lesson outlines is a template on how to set a vision for our marriages, so that both the husband and wife will have set expectations and goals that they both have agreed to work toward.

They speak about living with one another as best friends, and not just partners raising kids so that when the kids are gone, the couple will remain strong.

Some quotes that I loved:

​“If we lack joy in God we’ll lack the strength to do marriage well.”

“Joy is a fruit of the Spirit, which means it is received from God and not from circumstances.”

“When we are not continually filled with and stimulated by God’s Spirit, we will look to our spouses to fill needs only God can fill.”

All of the above quotes deal with our personal relationship with God that provides us with the joy, hope, and fulfillment in life that we need. Not only does it fulfill us, but our relationship with God acts as a basis for identifying with every other relationship that we will have in life especially the relationship of marriage.

It’s a worldly mindset that sees preparation for marriage as simply just dating around to use others for selfish purposes such as sex, or almost sex, money, and self-esteem. Because true preparation for marriage is a genuine and submitted relationship to and with God. Our selfish ideas that we practice as singles prepare us for failed marriages because one of the greatest foundations of a marriage is serving the other spouse above ourselves.
The Bevere’s make this point clear when they state that the husband is the lead servant, and the servant shall be the greatest. The husband is the head, thus he has to take on being the lead or example servant, much like Jesus Christ did when he said he came to serve, and he humbled himself washing his disciple’s feet.

The wife is not excluded in serving either. Both spouses must approach the marriage from a non-selfish view of serving one another.

“If you approach marriage from the truly humble position of a servant, you will experience a divine union.”

​“Serving is about both action and attitude. Every time you have occasion to serve your spouse, you can choose one of three responses: to refuse and opt for selfishness, to serve with a begrudging sense of obligation, or to joyfully lay down your life because you delight in supporting your mate.”

They share the below scripture in regarding Jesus’ humility:

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God…he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave. – Philippians 2:5-7

The Story of Marriage by John & Lisa Bevere is definitely worth the read. Messenger International, their publishing company, has a holiday sale going on right now of 50% off of products at their website: Click here for Messenger International

If you have a burden to work against racism pursue it, but don’t leave Christ out:
God gives everyone a burden and a passion to pursue and address in life. If eradicating racism is your passion then go for it. I personally believe that racism will always exist until Jesus comes back because it is a heart issue, and the hearts of men in every generation will need to be changed as their minds are transformed by the renewing of God’s word. However, men need preachers and teachers on every subject that concerns the hearts of man in order to have their minds renewed, and racism is one of those subjects.

Why is dealing with racism important? It is important because it is an issue of justice and cannot be avoided because it is often forced on people. There are several passages of scripture where God talks about how important justice is to him.

Righteousness and justice are the foundation of God’s throne. – Psalms 89:14

He has told you O man, what is good: and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God. – Micah 6:8

Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice. – Proverbs 31:9

Afeni Shakur, mother of the slain rapper Tupac Shakur shared  things she has learned during her fight for justice:

First, she centers on what is most important saying:

“I am a product of the redemption of Christ Jesus.” She continued saying, “I believe the Black Panther party we felled because we took God out. I beg you not to do the same thing. If you take God out precious babies you are not going anywhere except to jail, to be killed, and you are going to stay angry.”

She also gave wisdom sharing that she learned that she could not take on and change every problem, but if everyone focuses on one particular problem, we all together will be able to eradicate problems.

Watch video at the end of this article.

Finally our Identity in Christ Insulates us from the insults of Racism:
God made man in his image and likeness and added additional value to our lives by sending his son Jesus to die for us. This will be our value forever, not what is imposed on us by men especially broken men who do not have a clue of what really matters.

A person choosing to stand against racism will have to be secure in his identity in Christ. It’s only then  that the insults hurled at us don’t matter because we know who we are. Just as God’s word doesn’t change or pass away our worth will never diminish or pass away because our worth is sealed in God’s word.

When we walk out our identity in Jesus Christ, It doesn’t matter what we are faced with. We know that we are fully accepted and fully loved as God’s sons and daughters. This view of ourselves will give us the power we need to continue to love all man-kind no matter the color, and even if a person holds a racist view.

Those who hold racist views do not understand their own worth and value to Christ, they do not understand that their future is not defined by an elite class maintaining control, but by God himself.  Racism is an anti-love trap imposed on people to bring them down to the level of perpetrating the bondage of racism. Do not allow it to bring you down to its level. Do not give in to hate those who hate you, or to become bitter, but stand tall and strong knowing your sure value and worth so much so that you can bear insults and become a witness to those who hate you.

Love isn’t love until it is tested.
Can you past the test of racism? Can you forgive those who have allowed the bug of racism to bite them? Can you allow hints of White supremacy to roll off of you while you walk as if you represent the highest supremacy there is, Jesus Christ.

I so absolutely love the new movie, “Marshall.” It’s a movie about the civil rights attorney, Thurgood Marshall. He had so much confidence and assurance in who he was in the film, that when others hurled insults at him because of his race, he made jokes about it and kept on rolling on with the plan at hand. That’s how we have to be—bold, secure, and unmoved.

We, like Thurgood, have to keep the vision at hand of what we are here for and focus on that instead.
Representing Jesus and his love for us is what it is all about. Let’s not be distracted by racism, but overcome it by wisdom, work, forgiveness, and love.

Don’t allow hate to pull you down to its level. Instead, allow it to refine you as a person.

I see racism as an anti-love trap. It not only affects the victim targeted by it but probably more potently, it victimizes the one who perpetrates it.  Don’t allow racism to become your problem turning you into a bitter and hate-filled person. You have a choice as to how you will respond. If we become like those who practice hate then Satan has won and accomplished his goal.

Racism, like all opposition, can be a tool utilized to refine those who are its targets. It can make us more patient, kind, sharp, and enduring. If we stand in wisdom, discipline, wise movement, and love then Satan’s plan becomes defeated and the fool who perpetrates racism has the opportunity to see another view and possibly become humbled to the point of change.

“As you press on for justice, be sure to move with dignity and discipline, using only the weapon of love. Let no man pull you so low as to hate him. Always avoid violence. If you succumb to the temptation of using violence in your struggle, unborn generations will be the recipients of a long and desolate night of bitterness, and your chief legacy to the future will be an endless reign of meaningless chaos.” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (1956)

“Hate begets hate; violence begets violence; toughness begets a greater toughness. We must meet the forces of hate with the power of love.” – Dr. Martin Luther Kingd, Jr. (1958)

Realize where racism comes from

Of course, it comes from greed, but it also comes from fear. There would be no need to be so strategic to overthrow a person or group of people if the ruling party was secure within themselves. There is an insecurity felt by those who practice racism that is covered by a spirit of pride and false superiority. If African-Americans were not seen as a threat; there would be no racism against us.

Thus, racism has nothing to do with Blacks being inferior, but with those who aren’t secure enough within themselves to just live, love, and support everyone. With this understanding, we do not have to take racism personally, but we can pray for those who are bound by racism.

We can not only pray but join movements that strategically put things into practice that would dismantle racist systems such as mass incarceration. Some movements to look into can be found at this link: http://newjimcrow.com/take-action

The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Color Blindness

Michelle Alexander is the brave author who so carefully authored this work. I believe she had in mind as her audience all Americans despite their ethnic affiliation to prove that many of the things we’ve heard for years relating to institutional racism targeted at African-Americans are not just hearsay, but true and needs to be addressed.

She specifically addresses what she calls a new caste system, yet it is an underclass. The underclass that she speaks of legally discriminates against its caste members in the areas of housing, voting, career choice, and job security. These are all of the basic things needed to survive as a naturally productive citizen. Those who abide in this caste system find it challenging to break the negative cycles when not given other opportunities.

The parameters set around those who live in “The New Jim Crow” system are very similar to those set during the Jim Crow period in America. The caste system disproportionately affects African-American Men. Alexander goes into detail on how the “War on Drugs” was specifically set up to fill prisons with African-American males and thus assign them to the new caste system for the rest of their lives.

“Drug offenses alone account for two-thirds of the rise in the federal inmate population and more than half a million people are in prison or jail for a drug offense today, compared to an estimated 41,100 in 1980–an increase of 1,100 percent (Pg 60.)”

“Nothing has contributed more to the systematic mass incarceration of people of color in the United States than the War on Drugs.”

This would not be such a problem if Afro-Americans were just bad people who did drugs all of the time. However, the studies show that Blacks are not more likely to do drugs than Whites and that Whites and Blacks often do drugs at similar rates. So, why have Afro-Americans been affected so sharply by the “War on Drugs?”

The answer is that the laws have been written and enforced to be harsher when targeted to Afro-Americans. According to the book, more Whites use cocaine while more Blacks use crack due to the price. Those carrying 5 grams of crack were given a 5-year minimum sentence. While those carrying the same amount of cocaine, the same drug in a powder form, were given no minimum sentences.

The use of color-blindness or not making obvious that the laws are geared toward a specific ethnic group are what give the laws the power to continue to operate and to enslave Black males in the judicial system without suspect. This is what we define as institutional racism–Racism that is targeted to a group of people based on race without being easily suspect.

This is just one example of institutional racism in the criminal justice system. There have been many systems in this country that have implored and still do use institutional racism to oppress one group of people and uplift another. One of the most current examples would be the new requirements that Trump set out for immigrants to get a Visa. They have to take a test scoring a particular amount in I believe 3-4 different areas.

The areas required for them to score high in, make it nearly impossible for them to pass the test. This way the U.S. Does not have to say, “we don’t want you here because you are Hispanic or Arab.” They can simply say, “You just did not pass the test. You just did not meet the qualifications.” No one would suspect racism because of this, but it is another example of institutional racism. Also, out of the war on drugs, came more racial profiling and even grants given to municipal police departments for meeting drug arrest quotas, which were once again targeted at African Americans.

The book also addressed the awkward tightrope that Black leaders of influence have to walk. It was stated that Black leaders of influence have a lot at stake because they have to please the system that put them there and attempt to please their people in such a way that would not offend the already established system and get them totally booted out. I guess the below example would be a clear reflection of that argument.

In 2010, President Obama made the ratio for crack and cocaine 18:1. In other words, a person found carrying cocaine could now be sentenced for having 18% as much cocaine as someone found carrying crack instead of 100% as much. Even though the new ratio is better, it is still disproportionate.

White People and Black People should pay the same restitution for the same crimes. Grace should not only be shown to Whites but Blacks as well. The argument is waged that if White males filled the prisons due to drug laws the way that Black males have; the prison system would have been reformed.

Mass incarceration in this country, as well as some of the drug laws, re-enforce negative stereotypes about people of color namely Afro-American males. The color-blindness comes in because none of the laws address a particular Ethnic group per se, but the laws are specifically targeted to a specific ethnic group.

The book although, it gives a lot of information about the War on Drugs; covers a history of indentured slavery, chattel slavery, and the loss of manufacturing jobs that affected the stability of both Blacks and Whites. The use of racism is stated in the book as a tool to divide the working poor, so that poor Whites would see an advantage over poor Blacks through the idea of White superiority. The book is a compassionate look at our criminal justice system, stereotypes about African-American males, and various arguments.

Next week, we will address how to respond to racism, and what can be done to address mass incarceration and other racially motivated unjust systems.

Journey to 30 is a book written by a brave young lady, Tatianah Green, who has been growing by leaps and bounds. Instead of holding to the negative stereotypes that plague women as we approach the age of thirty; She has chosen to shift perspectives from worldly expectations that only lead to frustration to God’s expectations that lead to security in Christ and fulfillment in God’s timing, purpose, and plan for our lives.

The book covers some of her personal journey up to the age of 30, and it also includes the interviews of 10 women in the book with one of the interviews including myself. My section discusses our relationship with God which is the foundation of who we are. I even share a story in the book about how thoughtful God is of us.

One day when I was going through in my mind and emotions wondering and asking God if I was doing something wrong because of the pain and trials I was experiencing as a single woman; my mentor called me right in the middle of the questioning, and without me mentioning what was going on she said to me, “ no, you are not doing anything wrong.” She encouraged me to stand firm in what God had given me even though things did not manifest for me yet.

Standing firm, bold, and unapologetically is just what  the book encourages single women to do. It encourages us not to be swayed by our personal clocks and timelines, but to trust in the Lord. It shares advice and testimony of women who have been sexually active, and decided to obey God and begin waiting, and what that looks like.

It even shares wisdom on taking care of ourselves physically, emotionally, and financially. The part that stood out to me the most was the interview with Felicia Houston. Felicia Houston is the owner of Anointed Wives Ministry. She shared how she was waiting into her thirties for her spouse. She spoke of the pressure that she felt from others questioning why no one courted or asked to marry her yet. She said she had to question where is this pressure coming from and why is it important.

She continued to stay focused, and wait on God and at age 34 she was blessed with a spouse. She shared wisdom of having proper expectations of marriage, and to hang around some married people to know what to expect. She had even taken a marriage prep class while she was super single so she would know what to expect. It made her more patient to wait for the right one. She realized that she was still selfish and unready for marriage.

I feel this book is a perfect answer to our generation as things are expected to happen so fast. Things that we expect right away such as the career, spouse, perfect business, house, or bank account. We often avoid the process and the nuggets of wisdom that we learn in the process. This book will help to settle that fast-paced impatient spirit that so often disappoints heavily when dreams aren’t realized in the expected time. This book will help to appreciate every part of the journey to 30 and beyond. It’s a journey to be enjoyed, not a race to be over and won or lost. Find out more about the Journey to 30 at Amazon. You can also follow Tatianah Green’s Blog BLISS (Black Love & Inspiration For Saved Singles)