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Lessons to Note from Own’s “All The Single Ladies.”

Single Ladies
“All The Single Ladies” Have to Take Personal Responsibility

All The Single Ladies is a new Own Network television show. It showcases women of color sharing their dating and relationship stories in documentary-style interviews. I got a chance to catch the first episode and half of the second episode this past Sunday.

Several lessons stuck out to me as the women told their stories. The first one was taking personal responsibility for one’s actions. It’s easy to look at the stories as one-sided when you see what the women went through but even based on the women’s accounts the men weren’t the only ones responsible for the experiences leading to the breakups.

I believe the show tried to be responsible in making clear that the point of the show was not to demonize the man and only share one side. The initial interviews in the first episode start out sharing about the women’s family upbringing. They share how their parents were and how it shaped their views on relationships moving forward in life.

Our Needs Can Lead Us to Ignore Red Flags:

One of the girls shared how her father was not the affectionate type and her mother wasn’t nurturing. Sometimes, what we miss in our homes we seek to get within our relationships without doing the work to make sure the foundation is solid enough to hold that desire that we are seeking. A healthy foundation includes things like stability in all the following areas: mental, physical, financial, emotional, and spiritual. Also, shared values, a complimentary vision, self-discipline, healthy boundaries, mutual respect, and humility.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking a desire within the right context. When we take the responsibility to seek our desires within the right context—it generally lasts longer. Plunging in headfirst without the proper foundation can often lead to us ignoring the red flags.

Red flags don’t just show up in potential partners, but sometimes they show up within us—showing us that we aren’t ready to pursue what we think we want just yet. One common mistake several of the single ladies made was failing to take accountability for choosing men who did not practice self-control when it comes to sex outside of marriage.

Our Lack of Boundaries w/Sex Attracts Men Who Don’t Have Boundaries Themselves

This is because the ladies; themselves, weren’t practicing self-control in waiting for marriage to have sex. The woman who missed out on the nurturing affection coming up could have easily mistaken the closeness of sex for affection.

The rush of the thought of being close to someone could have caused her to miss huge red flags. We have to be careful how we get our voids filled. The dating field isn’t the best place to seek to get our voids filled. It’s best to come to the dating table as full as possible so we aren’t choosing scraps because we’re hungry, but we’re choosing fine dining because we’ve developed an acquired taste based on the healthy character we’ve developed through practice.

Many ignore the importance of temperance and self-control when it comes to sex outside of marriage thinking that marriage or a relationship will fix the lack of self-control. This is not so. Marriage will magnify the lack of self-control in that area. One of the women said it herself, “Marriage doesn’t flip on a switch that says I will now be faithful.” This was a lesson she learned. If a man is unfaithful before marriage; he will be unfaithful after marriage.

Develop the Fruit of the Spirit in Your Single Season & Seek it in Men You Date

I’m reading an awesome book called, “Watch the Red-flags: Discerning Relational Signs in Dating.” This book discusses something important to look for when dating or evaluating a potential partner. He says we should look for someone who already demonstrates the fruit of the Spirit in their lives. Of course, for someone who demonstrates the fruit of the Spirit to be interested in us; we must embody the fruits of the Spirit as well.

This should not be done as a ploy to get a man. The fruit of the Spirit as believers should become our character. If you see fruit opposite of that within yourself; stop dating and ask God to help you to develop the fruit of the Spirit within yourself.

Single Ladies, Don’t Pursue a Man and Respect When a Man Isn’t Interested in You

In another story, a woman shared how her mother was very strong, take charge, and was independent. On the other hand, her dad raised her in the same manner that many men raise boys. He encouraged her not to cry and to chuck up hurt just taking it without expressing her emotions. She carried some of these characteristics into her adulthood–even to the point of pursuing a man she worked with. The man told her he was not interested in her. She continued her pursuit anyway.

The man eventually gave in. The two got a place together going all in. He would never post about her online or share about her with others. He discouraged her from posting as well. One day she finally posted him and the gentleman’s mother called her sharing that she was ruining her son’s marriage. Yes, the gentleman was married. The young lady had been informed they were separated.

This is an important boundary that should not be crossed. Separated is still married. This means the married persons have a responsibility to one another. No one else should come between that. That was the 2nd red-flag this young lady made by allowing herself to be in a relationship with a married man.

The first was to pursue him. Women should not pursue men because men are the natural leaders. It’s their responsibility to pursue. It’s our responsibility as women to position ourselves to be pursued by doing what God calls us to do. When a man shares, he isn’t interested; women should always take him at face value and leave him alone. There is a reason for that. Some men can be worn down and will take advantage of a woman who pursues them for sex while he continues to pursue the woman he really wants.

Ladies, we deserve more. To get more, we have to require more for ourselves by taking personal responsibility to get more. I pray that many women learn from the mistakes of these brave ladies who so vulnerably share their stories.

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Catch me at the Valentine’s Day Event Below Hosting Girl Talk:

Valentine's Day Event

Please, come join me. Register here: Loving Me: Galentine’s Fitness Party Tickets, Mon, Feb 13, 2023 at 7:00 PM | Eventbrite This event is hosted by a friend of my Talayah.

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The Importance of Obedience for Singles Waiting on a Spouse

obedience

As believers in Christ, we should never take lightly obedience to God and his Word. It’s so important. We live within a culture that has invaded the church with ideas of unbelief and cynicism. These things make it difficult for one to remain obedient, especially in the dating world.

Because of the increased norm of unmarried millennials, prolonged waiting, and lack of support for many singles many have lost their faith in doing this single thing God’s way. They’ve adopted a lifestyle of disobedience.

Disobedience can be painful in the dating world as doing things outside of God’s way can easily result in painful cycles. Those cycles can produce even more hardships that one would have been able to avoid by doing things God’s way such as unnecessary heartbreak, single-parenthood, STDs, and more.

It’s better to remain obedient even when difficult. Obeying God continuously without yet seeing the desired result is difficult. This is true especially when others who aren’t being obedient seem to have what we desire—genuine love. Even though those who choose not to obey may seem to have genuine love—this isn’t always the case.

Many couples are facing hardships they aren’t sharing such as abuse by a partner, consistent infidelity, feeling as though the relationship is one-sided although married, and more. Believe me. It’s better to obey God and wait on what’s appropriate than to get into a marriage right away that is destined to fail.

I was encouraged by a couple of examples in scripture of obedience during a hard long wait. The result of the wait in both examples led to God’s promise and increased blessing. The long hard wait was the correction and preparation of the heart to handle the promise.

The first example is Abraham in Genesis 22. Abraham exampled peculiar obedience. Meaning, he was able to trust God in a unique way that others may not have been able to. God had promised Abraham a son. He gave him that son—Isaac. However, God asked Abraham in Genesis 22 to offer his son Isaac as a sacrifice to the Lord. Abraham went right along with God’s request standing in strong belief.

Remember, it takes strong belief or faith to continue to obey God through a long, hard, and difficult wait. When the child—Isaac asked, why don’t we have a lamb to sacrifice—Abraham responded by saying, “God will provide.” It was so. God warned him not to harm the child and provided a lamb to sacrifice. Of course, this signified Christ—the lamb of God that was to be slain for our sins.

It also was a test for Abraham to humble him and to show him what was in his heart. It showed Abraham that he was indeed ready to steward the child the Lord had promised him. He not only got the blessing, but he got the blessing with God’s backing. This is how we want to be blessed as single believers.

We want the relationship that our heavenly father is willing to bless. The second example of obedience was found in Deuteronomy 8. Deuteronomy is all about possessing the land or possessing God’s promises. For singles, this could be walking into the new normal of a healthy relationship that leads to marriage. There is a path to getting there. That path is obedience. Deuteronomy starts out stressing the importance of obedience and how it will result in said promised land. However, first, there must be a test.

During the test period, God places us in a position where we experience hunger that only he can fulfill. He exampled this in scripture by providing manna from heaven vs. 3. This is special revelation that comes from God and strengthens us to go on continuing in obedience. The revelation from God addresses whatever it is that we are needing at the time. Manna in vs. 3 means what is it? This means God can address whatever we need and we can trust him.

Finally, vs. 16 of Deuteronomy 8 reinforces God’s purpose in allowing the difficult process of the wait. It is to humble us and prove us to do good toward us in the end. When we are in a difficult part of our journey in waiting on the Lord for a spouse; we can be confident that God is only proving to us whether we are ready or not. Our obedience through the process is a heavy indicator that like Abraham we are ready. We are ready for our next stage in life—marriage and a healthy God-honoring relationship. Let this article encourage you to remain obedient as you will reap if you faint not.

I don’t know if you all have noticed, but many of God’s singles who have been waiting and believing God for a long time are becoming engaged and married. When the time is right—you will too. Stay in faith! Stay in obedience.

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5 Good Things About Being Down & Out

Down & Out

The thing about being down and out is it’s normal. It’s something that each human being has to experience. We may not share these details on social media, so when it happens people feel like it’s just them. But it’s not just you. Life happens to us all. It’s not the end. You may feel like you are just here. Just out there. The truth is you are not.

Scripture tells us to count our blessings when our faith is tried (James 1:2-3.) When we’re in it, counting our blessings can feel impossible to do, but it helps because this is where God begins to answer those questions of our hearts in real time. This is when God shows us he’s still with us and he is supporting us while sending others to do the same until we ride our storms out to our rainbows. Below are five blessings that we can hope to experience when we are down and out.

When Down & Out You find out who is really on your side

When we are experiencing depression and thoughts of giving up, this isn’t the time to try to impress others with an image of perfection. You are human and it’s okay. This is the time to be vulnerable letting those who are trustworthy in. This is a time to lean into those who may be stronger than you as you go through your process of trusting in God to take you through safely and to bring you out better. Those who have been through their own experiences and made it out will stand firm with you.

Don’t hide how you are feeling from those who genuinely care. Join the life group, meet the girls for dinner/lunch, or hit the gym even if you don’t feel like it. Get involved in community. You’ll find out that you aren’t the only one going through something difficult.

Seeing others stand through their hardships will help you to stand. Others may even check on you which reminds you that you aren’t alone in this. You have help. God has given you this help through the safety of a healthy community. Your community has its own way of helping you to forget about the struggle for a while providing strength when you are fighting through your challenges on your own.

Your community also reminds you that you are worthy to live the best life when it feels like you aren’t. You get to see who genuinely cares for you when down and out and that should make you feel good.

You learn to depend on God.

We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 2 Corinthians 1:8-9

Apostle Paul, in scripture, describes going through a type of trouble that felt like death itself. It had gotten to the point where living became what felt like a disparaging and hopeless thing. However, Paul did not stop there in his description. He realized that the pain he’d been through was allowed to cause him to not depend on himself, or the good times of life, but on Christ.

Now and then, life will send us one troubling experience after another. It feels like heavy pressure. Sometimes, in these moments, we don’t know how to move forward. However, these times have a purpose to cause us to rely on God. We can very easily depend on other things during this journey of life without even realizing it.

It’s often when we are reduced to nothing but God that we realize he is genuinely all we need above all of the other things we cling to. Because God can be silent during these periods, we may find it difficult to believe God is with us, but he is. Faith is not a feeling, but proof of what we cannot, feel, touch, or see just yet. If we hold on long enough standing firm on God’s word, we will be able to see God working in the middle of our circumstances.

I remember, during my most recent season of being down and out, I could not go to sleep for hours. I was so anxious about my future and things remaining the same as they had been. I did not know if I could survive without a change. I thought of the scripture be anxious for nothing but in all things with prayer and supplication let your request be made known unto the Lord.

I said, “Lord you said not to be anxious, but to pray. Can you help me with this?” I immediately began to hear a song playing in my spirit. It was “Do It Again” by Elevation worship. I pulled up the song on YouTube and listened to it. I cried as it felt as if God was speaking directly to me through the lyrics of the song. I immediately went to sleep after the song went off. That is a permanent reminder in my history now that God is with me. He sees and he acts. He is dependable.

You realize how resilient you can be

After a while, you’ll begin to get stronger. The things you did not have the energy to do before you’ll have the energy to do as you continue to move forward in faith. You’ll begin to reestablish hope for the future as your strength increases not only realizing by faith that this isn’t the end but experiencing it with your senses. You will have taken the blow and overcome it. We are overcomers in Christ. This is what differentiates us from the world. In Christ, we always have hope because God causes us to triumph in all things (2 Corinthians 2:14.) To triumph in all things, we have to go through some things to triumph over and through.

An ability to correct as you heal.

This is an opportunity for you to press pause on over commitments and things that may be distracting you from hearing Christ. As you re-shift your focus on seeking the Lord, you will notice his healing from the pain and hurt of the season. God often does surgery on our hearts during hardship and it hurts. However, needful corrections are made within us and the healing process begins. We are then better prepared for everything God intends to use the harmful season to bring about in our lives.

God doesn’t waste anything. He doesn’t cause the harmful season, but he promises to use it for our good as he uses all things to work for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose. Many harmful seasons are just the natural patterns of life that will happen to us all. God uses these things to make us strong. If we have begun to see things incorrectly in any area, God will correct us.

You eventually find clarity and greater direction

Now, here’s the really good part. Your vision gets clearer. It’s not so hard to get through each day. It’s clear and easy to see the work that’s been done inside. The healing has taken place, our passions begin to return with the strength to pursue them. Hopefully, in this clarity, we experience God’s direction that leads us to a new place in him. We can go on to strengthen others as the scripture says we are to do when we overcome. No matter what part of this process you are in when experiencing the hardness of life—know that you will eventually get to this part where things are much better and you make it out of the fog of depression and the hardness of life.

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God Wants Us to Remain Sober When in Pain

Pain

God Wants Us to Remain Sober When in Pain

Be alert and of a sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of suffering. – 1 Peter 5:8-9

Have you ever been in such a painful place that you felt almost desperate to be out of that place? Sometimes pain, in and of itself, can make us think un-sobering thoughts. Thoughts, that we’d never think of if in a better place. That’s when we have to remember that our pain is momentary. It will not last forever. However, if we aren’t careful, we can make a decision that has lasting consequences.

This is why in the above scripture; God warns us to be sober and alert. Satan, our adversary is looking for an opportunity to devour us which means to destroy us. We should not aid Satan in his quest to destroy us. Instead, we should resist him.

Pain is necessary because it is a form of weakness. God already promises us that weakness is where we are guaranteed to see God’s power show up (2 Corinthians 12:9.) This means God’s got our back in pain. We will be tempted to return to vices during painful moments because of the immediate relief. We sometimes judge God not to be there with us because God often gives us the strength to endure rather than taking us out of our pain immediately. Enduring through the pain with God allows us to see his power at work sustaining us.

When tempted to return to vices for relief; we do not have to give in because God will help us through the pain. Instead of turning to a vice; turn to God and ask him to give you grace and strength to overcome regardless of the pain. God’s grace is his supernatural strength to overcome. It’s an empowerment of God’s Holy Spirit much like salvation. Salvation isn’t accomplished by our strength but by the power of God—so is overcoming sin.

So, he said to me, “This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: ‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty. – Zechariah 4:6

God allows us to be stretched by our pain. It isn’t a bad thing. Our endurance increases allowing us to persevere. It also allows us to see our humanity and need to rest refreshing ourselves with stillness. We become even more humble in the process. Our humility precedes God’s favor (1 Peter 5:5-6.) This process of painful discomfort often occurs before God’s shift so we cannot give up. We will need to go through submitting to God’s process to experience the shift God has for us.

When we disobey God in the process of seeking out sin to numb our pain; we can delay the destination God has for us. King David was resting from war when he fell into a vice of his with a woman named Bathsheba.

King David was a man of war. So much so, that the temple he wanted to build for God in his heart was delayed for his son to build instead. He’d had too much blood on his hands from constant war. When we read of David’s indiscretion with Bathsheba—this took place during a time of rest.

He’d decided to rest from warring, which was his right. You may have heard people say that David fell into sin because he should have been at war. I beg to defer. David fell into sin because he chose to sin.

Sometimes, God calls us to rest. Especially when we’ve been overwhelmed with life. However, our flesh will cause us to say to ourselves—we deserve sin or something as a reward because we’ve done so much work. Instead of waiting for God to bring us out and promote us, we attempt to promote ourselves with whatever opportunity appears to present itself.

David sinned by sleeping with a married woman―Bathsheba. He went on to murder her husband and have a child with her. This sin set David up for future consequences that he had to endure. If we aren’t willing to endure the discomfort of waiting on the Lord’s deliverance in pain or discomfort now—we will later have to endure waiting on the Lord’s deliverance from pain and discomfort later while enduring the consequences of our actions.

Judgment was pronounced on King David as he was corrected by the prophet Nathan. Later in life, David is in the thick of things again as he lived out the consequences of his actions (2 Samuel 12:11.) This is where he learned to submit to the process of trusting God during discomfort and pain.

We see his willingness to endure the discomfort of a man cursing him while he has been forced from his kingdom by his son Absalom to run and hide for safety. He learned that it is important to rely on the Lord and endure seeing what the end will be. He also learned not to be selfish considering his son above himself—even though his son was against him.

Then Abishai son of Zeruiah said to the king, “Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me go over and cut off his head.”

But the king said, “What does this have to do with you, you sons of Zeruiah? If he is cursing because the Lord said to him, ‘Curse David,’ who can ask, ‘Why do you do this?’”

David then said to Abishai and all his officials, “My son, my own flesh and blood, is trying to kill me. How much more, then, this Benjamite! Leave him alone; let him curse, for the Lord has told him to. It may be that the Lord will look upon my misery and restore to me his covenant blessing instead of his curse today.”

So, David and his men continued along the road while Shimei was going along the hillside opposite him, cursing as he went and throwing stones at him and showering him with dirt. – 2 Samuel 16:9-13

Of course, in the end, God delivered him, and his kingdom was restored in peace. God will do the same for us if we remain sober while in pain and discomfort. Remember we do not have to choose sin or vices as an immediate escape from the pain. We can simply depend on the Lord asking him for his grace and supernatural strength to overcome the urge to sin as an escape.

There is a time and season to every purpose under the son including a time of discomfort and pain to produce God’s greater purpose within us. We should, like David, learn to submit to it waiting for the Lord to deliver. During, the wait, God’s given us tools we can use. Tools like prayer, godly community, his Word, rest, and counselors or therapists.

Sometimes we just need to walk alongside someone else to receive strength. If it requires rest and lightening up our plate—we should do those things instead of yielding to sin. We should follow the wisdom of the wise and God’s word to lighten our weight. See Ephesians 6 for a reminder of what to do when under pressure or a spiritual, mental, or emotional attack. We are called to be strong in the Lord—depending on the Lord and the power of his might.

We are commanded to use the tools in Ephesians 6:10-18 to stand when we cannot do anything else. With God’s tools, we can stand. God will lighten our load and provide clarity to us on how to proceed forward within his timing. We simply have to hold his promises close to our hearts remaining sober. God has a way out of the pain we face.

Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. – Matthew 11:28-29

 

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Must a Church Girl Drop it Like a Thotty to Be Loved?

church girl

Queen B just released a song that centers around an important conversation that needs to be had. It’s called, “Church Girl.” This song appears to be the anthem of the church girls or Christian girls who no longer believe. Thus, they resign themselves to a lifestyle of those who do not believe and have become self-serving doing the best they can at an attempt for love by dropping it in the club and entertaining men, not for genuine love, but the exchange only of money for attention and potentially sex.

Interestingly, the song starts by sharing how the church girl has made so many strides moving mountains without a man. I interpret this to mean she’s been able to accomplish a lot within her life except for her desire for a God-honoring mutually respectful relationship. The church girl has been up and down in her emotions and in life. She has cried enough tears to have a river and she has become tired.

Tired of believing, hoping, and seeking a healthy relationship. She still goes to church and perhaps volunteers, but the negative mindset of unbelief for a healthy and God-honoring relationship for her has caused her to resign herself to the lifestyle of seeking only what is easily accessible—attention from men in the club based on the superficial only.

Beyonce confirms that this church girl ain’t trying to hurt nobody—she’s only doing the best that she can. My question is who told you that dropping it like a thotty and entertaining ungodly men is the best that you can do? Was it your experiences of being passed over by men of God? Is it because the worldly culture in many senses has gotten into the church where many men of God are looking for a girl who appears to be looser with her standards for a guaranteed fun sex life after marriage?

church girl
Photo by ali Shot80: https://www.pexels.com/photo/stylish-girl-dressed-13179014/

Single ladies, I’ve been single for many years too, and have seen and experienced the rejection that has become a norm toward church girls or women desiring to please God. The initial song by Twinkie Clark discusses the idea of wanting to be in the center of God’s will, but in Church Girl, all of that goes right out the window. Why is that? I believe it’s due to unbelief.

The unbelief festers within women of God causing them to come out of God’s will and who God has shaped them to be. But women of God do not have to stay there.

I’m not here to judge but to hopefully provide some relief to share that there is another way for the church girl to get the love she desires. We do not have to drop it like a thotty to be loved. I am a prime example of that. I have desired to do things God’s way and come up short for many years as it relates to love.

However, I abide in the hope which allows me to explore healthy relationships because my healthy boundaries or standards are clearly in place. Thus, my heart and body are protected when I explore love. Men know what type of a girl I am when they speak with me.

This prevents me from going through some crazy stuff. In a sense, I’ve remained covered and protected with a hopeful heart for love. When we do not believe we uncover ourselves as women.

The covered woman not only remains covered but she attracts a man of God who will mutually cover and protect her because he sees that she believes she is worth it. A woman who believes she is worth it will allow a man to cover her while one who doesn’t will uncover herself.

This is the road that following the church girl song will lead you down. You will become uncovered, used, disrespected, broken, and cold. It could lead to not even being able to recognize healthy love at some point because self-abuse has gone too far.

I think about Hagar in the Bible who was a maid servant to Sarah. She was within Sarah and Abraham’s house to complete a job. Her position was abused. She was used to bring Sarah and Abraham a child. This is a form of abuse or misuse.

The turmoil experienced in Hagar’s house caused her to run from the place of provision that she was initially there for. She set out pregnant with her baby in the wilderness wandering off to a place she did not know.

The Bible says that God sent an angel to speak with her asking her where she is going. She shared she did not know. She was simply running away from her employer Sarah. It had gotten too uncomfortable for Hagar as the tension between her and her employer Sarah grew.

God told her to go back to her employer’s house and submit to her. This would require Hagar to work through the abuse. God said I have seen your misery. God noted that it has been uncomfortable for her. He gave her a safe place to exhale and be seen, heard, and valued within her experience.

He gave her direction on naming her child and sharing a bit of what his personality would be like. This provided direction and prevented her from wandering in the desert as a pregnant woman with no provision on her own. In continuing to do so, she would have been uncovered, unprovided for with a baby to protect. It was not wise nor God’s best for her.

Scripture goes on to say that Hagar gave God a name, “ El Roi.” This means the God who sees me. She was no longer invisible. Someone saw her pain, the strides she attempted to make serving her master, and becoming broken in the process.

Like Hagar, many single women who have desired to please God have felt unseen, unnoticed, and looked over. Likewise, the church girl has only desired to be seen, touched, loved, and treated as a human. It’s become uncomfortable at times as a single woman, but not so much that we cannot work through it with God’s help and wisdom from others.

God sees us too! And we do not have to go the route of belittling ourselves to be seen by men who value us. God will provide us tools to establish healthy relationships with men and to enjoy the process of conversating with men who respect our standard to treat ourselves with respect. Likewise, the man who sees us respecting ourselves will also respect us and feel safe with us because we value ourselves so highly. In this, he will know that while he is at work taking care of the business, his wife will not be out wilding in the streets. Real mature men are attracted to women who respect themselves (See Proverbs 31:10-11.)

I’m not here to judge what is being shown on the exterior—the twerking, more revealing dress and the like. I’m here, like Christ, to provide open arms of love saying to come back to who you are. A woman who seeks to be within the center of Christ’s will.

Instead of giving up on having a healthy love within God’s will—consider tools that will assist you in having that type of love. Tools like putting yourself out there in healthy ways and maintaining your boundaries that make you healthy and whole within the process.

These are the types of things I teach in my writing and my new coaching program for single Christian women. I have not released the program yet as I have not had the capacity within my schedule and life in general, but one day it will be released.

In the meantime, consider getting a Christian dating coach who can provide the wisdom and direction needed to gain your heart’s desire without compromising who you are at the core. Or add yourself to my newsletter to receive my blogs when released and information about my books, courses, and coaching. When we compromise who we are at the core, we have to continue to do so to make any relationship birthed out of that compromise work.

Finally, there is a time and place for everything under the sun. If you desire to dance for your husband later after you get the ring—have at it! It’s honorable to share all of you with someone who truly values you. That’s the gentleman who deserves it—not a random in the club.

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Getting Still in an Age of Hustle & Grind

getting still

What up Y’all! I know it’s been a while since I dropped a blog article. I’ve been practicing what I’m about to preach—getting still. Getting still can be a hard thing to do. There is always something to do. So much so, that if we aren’t intentional about getting still—we run the risk of going and going on empty—until we run out.

Even God—the one in whom we are created to reflect his image—modeled rest for us. When intentionally getting still, we aren’t just going to bed early to sleep. Instead, we remove some things from our plate creating the margin for us to refresh—mentally, spiritually, emotionally, socially, and physically.

Getting still refreshes the whole person. We have time to think, see, or perceive things without the stress of always being on a deadline. Sometimes it’s nice to not always have to run to the next thing. We are better able to enjoy life experiences at a steadier pace.

Getting still also better enables us to hear from God preparing us for our next season. Finally, getting more still creates the margin in our lives to have the capacity to handle life challenges. In April of this year, I felt a pulling away from the work of social media and blogging.

This pulling away, allowed me to feel what it feels like to just be. Not to always do, but to be. There is a difference. Doing all of the time can have us in the mindset of always working and never stopping to enjoy the fruit of our labor. That fruit may not always look like money. Perhaps, it’s diligence or an area being exposed that we need to be built up in such as waning belief because we are laboring but not seeing expected fruit. Expected fruit can be a shift or promise from God being fulfilled.

Getting Still

When God does things; however, he doesn’t do them on our timetable, rhythm, or expectation. He does things according to his process. He prizes our inner man to be at a place of quietness, rest, peace, and total surrender to him. Sometimes, constantly working when God is saying to rest is a sign that our trust is in ourselves and our work more than God to fulfill his promise.

God is a jealous God and he will not have any other God before him—not even something that appears good like work, hustle, or grind. These are things held high within our culture without necessarily acknowledging God within the work. The door becomes open for pride if we are successful without acknowledging God and unbelief toward God if we work and do not find the expected success. The Bible makes it clear that those who labor are laboring in vain unless God is within the building of the house (Ps 127:1.)

Even when God called for the rebuilding of the temple of God after the Babylonian exile of Israel, God was in the rebuilding of the temple. He touched the hearts of several different people involved in the process adding favor to see it to completion. It was a process, but it got done with God’s help. In this example, God touched the heart of King Cyrus causing him to give favor to Israel funding the rebuilding. He touched Zerubbabel and others.

This allows us to see that work is not a bad thing unless we are seeking to bring something to pass God has promised without his help—his favor, and his leading. Someone said anything built outside of God will have to be sustained outside of God. This is why those who place the value on hustling and grinding to accomplish success without God’s leading, may find that they are more willing to compromise their character to sustain the success that ensued. God doesn’t want us to build his promises outside of him.

He doesn’t want us worn out and tired from constantly doing and never experiencing the joy of being. So, he calls us to rest. It takes trust and faith in God to do this–to remove our hands from our work and still see it prosper. God knows what he is doing. The margin created during my obedience to God in coming away resting and seeking God has given me the capacity to handle a more stressful time at work, the loss of a close loved one, and a minor surgery. I did not know I would need the additional margin, but God knew.

Getting Still

You see God values us outside of the work we believe he’s given us to do. He values us as his precious sons and daughters. He wants us to rest and enjoy this life he’s given us. This also allows us to enjoy him—God himself. In the slowing down and resting—we notice the promises of God he has fulfilled. We become more patient, thankful, and less stressed. We also become more open to God bringing to pass the things he’s promised—instead of us trying to produce them ourselves.

I would love to encourage you all to stir up your prayer life even more during a time of slowing down to rest. God will put his word in your mouth in prayer so you can prophesy over yourself, your situation, and your family. Write down what God shows you. Allow God to use this time to build you because you matter beyond the hustle and the grind. When it is time for you to return to your work—you’ll have God’s grace and strength to go with you.

A book I am listening to now via audiobook is “God Where Are You?” by John Bevere. It shares about God’s process before he shifts us to our next. This is where I am right now and many of us are within the body of Christ. We can build ourselves up by listening to the Word of God in this book.

 

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Was Will Smith’s Response to Chris Rock’s Joke Protection of Black Women?

Will Smith

There has been a lot of chatter about the whole Will Smith slapping Chris Rock all week at the Oscar. One consistent theme is viewing Will Smith’s response to that of protecting Black women. I disagree with this interpretation and here is why.
In real life, a man resulting to violence to protect a woman over something that was only said in jest isn’t enough reason to result in violence. Further, violence always escalates a situation. Many times, that escalation ends in death. Homicide is the fourth leading cause of death in Black men according to the CDC.

Many instances of homicide between Black men due to altercations leading to death can be avoided by practicing self-control, good judgment, and humility. These are the characteristics we saw displayed in Chris Rock, who did not further escalate the ordeal. Instead, he continued doing his job and decided not to press charges against Will Smith. Between the two men, if this had been on the street, Chris’ actions would have been more reflective of protecting Black women as he would have ended up staying alive.

Protecting Black women is staying alive enough to love and support us. It’s also staying out of jail enough to love and support us. It’s being present and valuing the family God’s given you. I remember years ago. I’d come home to see a new person in my neighbor’s yard. I mentioned it to my dad, who went outside to greet the gentleman saying hello and introducing himself.
The neighbor wasn’t very friendly, and my dad felt his response was disrespectful to him.

He stormed into the house going upstairs and I heard him unlocking a box. I believe he may have had his gun in that box. He rushed toward the door saying the gentleman had been disrespectful toward him. I ran out in front of him putting all locks on the door and blocking the door with my body. I would not let my dad outside. My dad said, “Get out the way.” I said no, it’s not worth it. He ran to the other door. I blocked that door doing the same thing. At the same time, I yelled to my mom and brother to call the police.

They called the police. They said what do we tell them? I said to tell them we need their help to resolve a neighborly dispute. The police came. I knew this would de-escalate the situation as no one is foolish enough to do something crazy in front of the police. They talked to the gentleman and my dad and it was resolved. Later, my dad said I was right. It was not worth it.

Our men, like my dad and Will Smith, are strong, smart, courageous, caring, loving, and protective. However, through one decision, all of that can be thrown away. Once, someone is dead, there is no coming back from that. That’s why God created women to be present with men as our very essence helps them.

We cover them by de-escalating situations through the wisdom of God. My favorite author Lisa Bevere shares in the video below how women have been given the charge of protecting the heart:


This is also reflective of the fact that women were taken from Adam’s rib and made. The ribcage’s job is to protect vital organs that are essential to life such as the heart.
This is why the Bible says a prudent wife comes from the Lord. Further, when men are married being connected to a wise rib stats share that they live longer. Our role as women isn’t to sacrifice our men to bravado or to parade their ego for us on behalf of our honor. It’s to help them to think sober and come to themselves when moments of bravado come over them.
In those moments, we remind them of their value and worth as men to us. Their value and their worth as men are worth more than the moment of bravado. Many men get the wrong image from society that acting immediately out of emotions fighting or shooting is manhood. It is not.

Manhood is not proven in fighting or shooting another person. It’s shown in maturity and taking on responsibilities that not only protect himself, but his wife, sisters, brothers, fathers, and sons.

If you ask me who protected Black women on that Oscar stage, I’d have to say, Chris Rock. It takes a unique strength, humility, and grace to take a hit and not punch back. It also speaks volumes of love and value toward his brother in humanity Will Smith.

It says, hey, I see you and I value you. I’m going to give you the space to heal and do what you have to do. This is how God calls us to respond to our brothers and sisters who offend us. Not only would Chris return to his family in real life after such an altercation, but Will would too due to his brother’s grace. This is what we need more of—grace for one another when we slip up in our humanity.

We aren’t throwing Will Smith away because of his response either. He’s still precious and still valuable as a man. We still love him and pray for him. I believe we should pray for him even more as there will be consequences. His decision has him in a position of humility while Chris is being promoted.

His ticket sales are increasing after this incident. This is how things work in the kingdom of God. Humility precedes promotion. Chris had a low moment of being slapped on a national stage and not responding violently. He is now being promoted. Will is in a moment of humility now as the world discusses his decision and the academy is reviewing ideas of corrective action.
Let’s pray that God will get everything he desires out of this experience to produce his will in the future for Will and his entire family. Let’s pray that the more positive and balanced voices of the chatter would be louder than the foolish ones so that others will learn and more lives of our precious men and women would be preserved. Let’s also pray for Chris’ strength as he processes the entire situation.

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5 Tips I’ve Learned to Avoid Jezebels (Guest Post)

Jezebels are women who depend on their looks to get a man of stature and manipulate him according to what she wants. In my years, I’ve learned some things about women. I’ve learned how they think on various matters, how they act and interact with men. It’s truly been a learning experience. I don’t claim to be a professor. Nor do I claim to be someone who knows it all as it relates to relationships or the opposite sex.

In transparency, it had been a week from the age of 23 that I lost my virginity. In a world that’s so sexualized, I’d given in willingly being led astray by my own lusts and enticements. I did not know how it would later scar me. The world teaches if it feels good do it.

These are lies from the pit of hell and characteristics of Jezebel. We are taught as men to see women as a quick cheap thrill or piece of meat. This thinking treats women like they have no value outside of lust and sex. If Satan can convince us to believe a lie, then he’s got us. It’s one thing for a lie to be presented, but another for us to believe the lie. When we believe a lie; that’s when we give it power.

Jezebels cannot operate as jezebels alone. They have to have men who are in agreement with their line of thinking. These types of men are referred to as Ahab–from the Biblical story of Jezebel and Ahab. When men take a stand in their rightful place Jezebels have no place to operate from.

Having a past of operating in lies and in the flesh; I feel I can share things for us men to look out for to avoid succumbing to Jezebels:

First, women are aware of how to get a man’s attention. 9 times out of 10 if she’s too loud and too provocative in how she dresses like Future said, “she is for the streets.” It may not be true for every woman, but most of the time it should be an obvious sign to a man that woman is in a broken place on the inside. It’s wisdom to leave her presence fast.

Second, some women who have learned to use their sexuality to manipulate men will be fine with manipulating you. It’s a way of life they’ve established. I can be compassionate toward a woman who has lost her way due to a lack of a father in her life modeling how a man is to treat a woman, but I cannot compromise my integrity as a man with a woman who only sees her worth in her sexuality alone. Boys may be okay with that behavior, but as a man, I’ve learned to value a woman for more.

Third, Bitter women who appear to want to help broken women may exhibit Jezebel-like behaviors. This is the case if they are broken themselves. They provide critical relationship advice and always find themselves in someone else’s drama. Look out for this type of woman. A woman must heal first just as a man needs to heal first to avoid bringing unnecessary drama into a new relationship.

Four, A woman drawing her strength from other things more than God such as nature or secular humanism is a woman who isn’t grounded in the Lord. Women have been known to be more emotional and thus more in touch with the soul. If not careful, a woman being led by only her emotions and past hurt can choose to control a man operating out of witchcraft. These women seek to boot men out of their rightful place of leadership. If you discern these things remove yourself from this type of woman.

Five, many women are easily drawn to the anointing on a man’s life. I’ve fallen for this type of woman several times. God’s word discusses wolves in sheep’s clothing. It warns not to go down the path of a whorish woman. Finally, it shares that Satan can appear as an angel of light. If we aren’t discerning enough as men, we may think just because a woman’s social media appears godly and she looks good we should pursue. This could very well be an appearance only. The woman could inwardly be of the character of Jezebel. Just because a woman appears holy doesn’t mean it’s so. Also, just because a woman is in church doesn’t mean she is a good fit. Use discernment when seeking a spouse.

I could go on, but those are my 5 tips to share as it relates to dealing with women who exhibit characteristics of Jezebel. It’s more beneficial for us men to walk in the Spirit so we can avoid the pitfalls of the flesh. The relationships God has for us will set us up to prosper. They will bring glory to his name.
However, when we go about things our own way, we remove ourselves from God’s hedge of protection. This causes everything that could go wrong in the natural to go wrong. Always remember it like this: First Spiritual, then natural. When we reserve sex for the confines of marriage we automatically open ourselves up to blessings and more favor in the natural. We as men, cannot afford to give our goods to Jezebels. It will only turn into spoils.

By Solomon Williams

jezebels

Solomon a.k.a. Mr. G. Reality is a national recording artist. Mr G Reality is no stranger to the Hip Hop rap community a seasoned veteran in the Game Since 1999 & now embarking upon his 7th studio Album entitled “THE BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS” coming soon.

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Ladies Always Resist a Relationship that Requires You to Relinquish Your Femineity

relinquish your femineity

Can you recognize when you are being asked to relinquish your femineity? We live in a world where roles are confused within relationships. Back in the day, men could be trusted to lead, protect, and provide. Women were expected to help with the things that men could not do such as taking care of the home—cooking the meals, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, and doing other errands. The goal was for the couple to help one another to provide a stable home filled with peace and security.

Of course, peace and security were not always the result, but the willingness to work together not leaving everything to one partner is a pattern that helped marriages to last. Many relationships are so selfish; they cannot help but result in a one-sided relationship where one party takes on all of the responsibility for the home and the relationship. If the responsible party is a woman doing both the role of the man and the woman; she will grow to resent the man. Why? Because she has relinquished her femineity.

In relinquishing her femineity, she relinquishes the right to feel protected and becomes a protector. She relinquishes her right to feel secure and becomes security for the man. She gives up her right to receive as a woman and only gives until she is depleted and cold. This is not God’s will for women in a relationship. Both parties need to be committed to the goal of doing what is necessary to make the relationship work however that looks for each couple.

A Biblical example of a woman stepping out of her role as a woman to act like a man is found in 1 Kings. Jezebel went against her natural and God-given desire to be protected, secure, and loved fully by a man. Instead, she objectified herself by gaining a position solely off of her beauty. This beauty landed her the role of a queen to King Ahab.

relinquish your femineity

Ahab was a passive man, who was double-minded in his thinking. He was disobedient to the Lord and felled to carry out the things he was to do. As a King, instead of seeing how he could legally gain a field he wanted—he whimpered and complained to his wife. She then took things into her own hands using his authority as king to gain the field he wanted.

Women are typically socialized to be passive, but Ahab was passive. I don’t agree that passivity is healthy for men or women, but socially women are normally in a position of submission to a man because his manly integrity demands it. Ahab did not have that in him. He was not leading Jezebel. He was being led by Jezebel and she was leading in the wrong direction.
He did not stand up to lead spiritually following the Lord—although he was an Israelite. His passivity and lust caused him to seek out a woman who believed contrary to him. He ended up handing his kingdom over to this woman. She used the authority of the kingdom to pursue God’s prophets threatening to kill them.

A man who doesn’t care about what direction his life heads as long as he gets the booty is not in a position to walk like a King. He is also not in a position to lead a household in a healthy direction. That responsibility will simply fall on the woman and she will resent him for this if she marries him.

Don’t get me wrong. Some manipulative women willfully seek men out who operate out of a spirit of Ahab—relinquishing their responsibility as a man. Men will need to watch out for women who place their value and worth only in their ability to manipulate things by their looks.
A man should lead in three areas—spiritually, provision, and protection. If a man isn’t doing this for himself, with his family—sisters, brothers, parents, and friends; why would he do this with his wife and his household? Learn to look for fruit that the man you decide to commit to is willing to take on his responsibility.

Finally, this article is not to limit a man to a particular role all of the time or women. There are times in a marriage when a partner is stronger or weaker in an area and the other has to hold up the family and the spouse. For example, in sickness, this is the case. There are other examples of couples helping each other out to support a dream or a marriage business. These things are absolutely fine.

The issue is laziness, lack of responsibility, and a lack of fire to seek out the development necessary to become a man doing what a man is expected to do. No woman wants to feel as though she is in a relationship alone. If a man isn’t ready to take on the responsibility of manhood for himself and his future family; let him be.

Prayerfully, he will get it right at some point but do not lower yourself by doing for him what he isn’t willing to do for himself as a single man. Pay attention to see if he is following God well as a single man. Is he protecting the women in his life—his sisters, mother, friends? Does he respect women in general? Is he responsible in running his household—keeping up his bills, saving, and making wise decisions? If not, and he refuses to take the necessary steps of growth and responsibility, you may find yourself doing both his role in a relationship and yours too. You will only resent him becoming bitter and cold.

As a woman, you have a right to be feminine, feel protected, valued, and loved by the man you choose. You have a right to know the man you choose is really in it with you for the long haul. As a single woman, you have a choice to treat yourself with the love, protection, value, and worth you desire from a man. Remain under the covering of the Lord and those he’s provided in your life to remind you of your value and keep it moving when you cross paths with a man who simply isn’t ready yet in the ways we’ve mentioned in this article.

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How to Hold on to Jesus When Others are Letting Go

What’s up IFG Tribe (Intercession for a Generation.) If you’ve been rocking with me since I started the blog, you probably know the tagline: To teach a generation the heart of God and the way of the Lord. This is still foundational to the blog even though I write on a host of issues that affect the lives of believers. I want to share some key points in how to hold on to Jesus when others are letting him go.

We are in the world and not of the world. Thus, we have to have both spiritual and practical wisdom to live in a way that honors God in this life. With that said, I have to buckle down and share some of what I’ve been seeing and praying about. We had a brother from one of the most Iconic groups in Christian Hip-hop remove himself from the faith last month.

There is another woman who considers herself a Christian who has written a book that creates her own rules for wrong and right aside from what the Bible teaches. On an almost regular basis, we are hearing of people becoming popular in the Christian hip-hop world or church arenas that are turning aside to homosexuality, lesbianism, and secular humanism to worship themselves instead of Christ.

These things are not okay. How does one hold on to Jesus when influencers and former musicians are turning away from the faith or preaching a compromised gospel? Below are some tips to help us to avoid falling away like the many that we see.

Remain Humble

Humility will protect us from so much. Humility says: I am aware of who I am and what I possess, but I cannot judge God. My wisdom and knowledge is limited. I can always be corrected and be open to the right perspective. Phanatik, our dear former brother in the Lord recently lost his faith. As a Bible college professor, He stumbled over not being able to understand some things he’d discovered when studying apologetics to teach his students.

His response could have been Lord, I don’t understand, but I still believe. However, he expressed how he went on a search with some of the leading theologians and Christian mentors who were not able to provide satisfactory answers. Due to this, he has stepped back in considering himself a believer in Christ. He chose not to hold on to Jesus.

I do not know Phanatik personally; although, I’ve met him a few times. I don’t know if he is prideful or not, but humility will protect us when we don’t understand something about God. God will give us the grace to continue to believe even though we don’t understand something.

Humility is being aware of our limitations by trusting in a God who we have come to know as limitless. We watch and see God’s strength made perfect in our weakness of not being able to understand everything. Honestly, some things relating to God are too wonderful for our current understanding. We will have to wait for God to reveal certain things within his time.

Have you ever had a question about something relating to God or scripture and the Lord revealed it in a later season? I have. There are some things that will not be revealed until Jesus returns. We have to be okay with that. The most important thing that we are to understand as men and women is Jesus Christ and him crucified and risen again.

For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. – 1 Corinthians 2:2

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. – 2 Corinthians 12:9

Listen to The Ambassador and The Tonic encourage the body of Christ after news about The Phanatik in the below videos:

 
Realize You Do Not Have to Know or Understand Everything to Hold on to Jesus

I don’t know about you, but I’ve read things in the Bible or relating to God that I did not understand. I do understand that I am not required to understand everything. I’m not God. My lack of understanding of certain arguments about the faith doesn’t take away from what I do understand. That is that Jesus died on the cross for my sins so that if I trust and believe in him, I’d be saved.

Some things God has been specifically silent on in the Bible because it’s none of our business. I genuinely trust that what we need to know; God will reveal to us through his word. There is a danger in journeying into certain literature outside of the Word of God that seeks to refute Christ and the gospel. The same doubts that rest on the person writing the literature against the gospel now become the battle of the reader to fight. This type of literature makes it that much more difficult to hold on to Jesus. The Bible warns against participating in certain arguments as they only produce strife, doubts, and questions that cannot be answered.

hold on to Jesus

Have you ever felt like you hurt your brain by asking yourself questions that you had no answer for like: Where did God come from? So, God just exists? How does the trinity work and yet be monotheistic? Of course, you have. But what advantage does understanding things God has not revealed have on our salvation? If God wrote the Bible from Genesis through Revelation to reveal Christ and God’s character to us with his plan of salvation; shouldn’t we focus on that and be thankful? I believe we should.

We don’t want to simply get to know God after knowledge, but an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. This means when we do have doubts and questions which we all will; we have to be humble enough to bring them to God. God says to cast our care on him because he cares for us. God has given me peace and settled my spirit about various things I’ve not understood. He’s reassured me on what’s most important which is getting to know him.

Don’t have anything to do with foolish arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. – 2 Timothy 2:23

Be Aware of a Root of Bitterness

Hebrews 12 warns us to be aware lest a root of bitterness springs up and defiles many. Candyce Benbow, a Millennial Christian theologian, author, and blogger recently released her book, “Red Lipstick.” It discusses the challenges she’s faced growing up in a single-parent household. She goes on to discuss the loss of her mom, challenges she’s faced with church folk, and finally the perspectives her experience has created going forward.

There is a quote in the video below that discusses her book where Candyce shared something about the Biblical quote that says all things work together for our good. She feels her mom was dealt a bad hand and things did not work together for her good. Here we can easily see the doubt and the bitterness based on one negative heart-wrenching experience after the other. The bitterness is what caused Candyce to write the book. Her conclusions that pre-marital sex is okay and homosexuality is okay are a result of the root of bitterness she did not properly deal with.

 
As a theologian and someone who identifies as a Christian, she has a responsibility to speak the truth not to muddy the truth. It seems that she’s gone to the other end of the spectrum by okaying sin and self-pleasure or self-worship as an antidote to the trauma she’s faced in the past.

Newsflash, practicing sin is not a solvent for trauma. Healing, forgiveness, and truth are. Practicing sin to cover trauma is a temporary Band-Aid. I call this a vice in my first book, “The Single Christian Woman’s Guide.” A vice is an illegitimate way to meet a legitimate need.

Candyce’s qualms with her father leaving, her mom suffering and dying, church folk being mean and talking about her instead of supporting her are all legitimate. It’s almost as if Candyce has been fighting on her own to keep her head above water through all of her trials. Others, instead of helping, hurt her even more. However, she doesn’t have to fight alone. God was still with her in every experience to provide for her a beautiful ending. God is with the broken-hearted. We all go through having church folks judge us and talk about us. We all lose loved ones such as our parents. Some two-parent households experienced abuse growing up from the father or mother and greater tension is created. But through all things we endure, we overcome through Christ. We should not allow our hearts to become cold toward the Lord because others do us wrong in God’s name.

God promises to give us a heart of flesh for a stony heart. We all walk through back-to-back valleys, but we trust God through them. We have a choice. I discuss this in more detail in my book, “The Wholeness Action Plan.”

Forgive Immediately

Forgiveness is necessary when an offense comes. Forgiveness is a choice. God gives us the power to forgive when we ask him after choosing to forgive. It will be a process, but we have to be humble enough to walk through the process. No one is above suffering. It doesn’t matter how good you are. You are not above experiencing suffering. The Bible says all those that will live a godly life in Christ will suffer some form of persecution.

The key is to deal with the offense immediately, so it doesn’t fester in our mind producing lies, jealousy, or evil thoughts. Recently, I’d been offended by a sister in Christ, and I spoke with her about it. As we talked, peace came over me. I was resolving the offense leaving it in the past to move forward in full strength toward my future. This is how God wants us to live in freedom from offense with full strength toward our future.

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” – Matthew 5:23-24

Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 3:13-14Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that 

Be Intentional About Seeking the Lord & Placing Yourself Within the Community of Those Who Seek the Lord

Bitterness is one of the tools Satan uses to isolate believers. It fosters distrust with the rest of the brethren in the Lord. This is why it’s so important to put our offenses on the table to resolve them so that we can move forward together as one. We draw strength from one another as we seek the Lord together. When one is weak the other can hold up the weak one. Be intentional about seeking out meaningful groups where you can share your heart with others and be poured into. If you are only pouring out as a believer—you will end up empty and lacking in strength. Don’t think that you cannot be deceived because you’ve been strong at some point. We are all human, get weak, and need support.

Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls, one can help the other up. – Ecc 4:9-10

Be Willing to Die to Yourself, Opinions, Perspectives, and Entitlement

We all have opinions and deal with thoughts while journeying through hard circumstances. We have to always be willing to exalt the Word of God above our own opinions. This can be uncomfortable but be willing to be uncomfortable for your own freedom.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. – 2 Corinthians 10:5

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