People always try to encourage me about being single, but I don’t have a problem with being single. I have a problem with the quality of men that have been in my path to choose from. Men who aren’t willing to take on the responsibility of how a real man is to deal with a woman. When a woman is in a position where she is only around men who aren’t willing to take on their responsibility as a man; she is almost always tempted to step outside of her bounds as a lady into something that she is not such as a whore.

Men set the tone for a relationship. Rather it will take place or not, if so, how will the relationship go because men are the head, the leaders.

There are women out there who ask themselves the question should I be a whore or continue to be alone? That is an unspoken pressure that many women do not talk about, but often face. Sadly, it’s easy to find a man who is willing to use and take from a woman, than a man who is willing to cover and go the distance with a woman.

I think about  the story of Tamar and Judah. Tamar was a woman in the Bible under the law that had become a widow at a young age, and her dead husband had not given her any children to be raised up in his name.

Under that law, the brother of the dead husband was to take on that wife to raise up seed in her dead husband’s name. Instead of raising up seed in his dead brother’s name, he had sex with Tamar simply for the pleasure of it only using her. Instead of him taking on his responsibility to raise up seed in his dead brother’s name according to the law back then, he spilled the seed after the sex. God saw it and judged him by killing him (Genesis 38).

Tamar continued on her quest to get what was promised to her as a wife under the law who had loss her husband and asked her father-in-law Judah if he had any additional sons. Judah said yes he had another son, who was too young for a woman, but as soon as he comes to full age, he would give him to her to raise up seed in the name of her dead husband. Tamar waited patiently, and when that son was of full age, he still was not given to her. Judah did not keep his word according to the law.

When Tamar realized that no one would take on the responsibility of a man according to the law, she took it upon herself to disguise herself as a whore. She lowered her worth and became something that she wasn’t in order to get what was rightfully promised her because the men in position were not living up to the then expectation of a man in that culture.

At the end of the story, Judah confessed that Tamar was more righteous than he, and that he should have lived up to what was expected of him.

In that situation, Tamar was up against a wall to get what was rightfully hers. She had waited and waited patiently respecting herself, and did not get what was rightfully hers. She gave into the temptation to become something that she was not. Even though she got what she wanted, which were son’s to continue the name and heritage of her dead husband. She had to face unnecessary scrutiny which almost led to her death. If you read the full story under the old testament she was taken to be burned to death, but her life was spared due to having proof that the one who was about to stone her was the one who had gotten her pregnant.

Thankfully, Tamar’s story turned out in a positive way, but when we play with sin and compromise our worth as women, there is no telling how our end will turn out. There are many women who face the question should I become a whore, or should I continue to wait and remain alone for a long period of time?  The truth is it’s better to wait and allow God to reward us than to take things into our own hands becoming something that we are not because we still will not be happy in the end.

If you remember even with Tamar, God looked out for her and defended her by killing the brother who had only taken advantage of the occasion of his brother passing for sex, and not to raise up seed to that brother as he should have done.

Just like God was there for Tamar and defended Tamar, he will be there for us. He may not kill a dude LOL, but he will definitely take men through certain situations to grow them up and to show them how to treat a woman before he gives him to us.

So, don’t be discouraged and feel like you have to lower your standard from a woman of God to a whore just because you are single, waiting patiently, getting older and only see men who are not willing to take their position of responsibility as the spiritual leader, protector, and covering of us as his wife.

In the show being Maryjane, Maryjane has made a similar decision to lower her standards because the men who have pursued her haven’t been together, but she still isn’t happy. If we lower our God-given standards as women we will not be happy either.

God did not die for us to live a compromised life below his standard for us, but to live a life of more abundance (John 10:10 [i]).  Therefore, we should not take on any position that is below the  royal women that God has made us to be. No matter how hard it gets being a whore, side-chick, Jezebel, or anything similar should not ever be an option.

Despite the temptations that women face, God is able to make a way of escape out of them all,[ii] and he is faithful to blow our minds if we let him.[iii] We are not alone in the struggle to maintain our purity and self-respect while waiting on what we rightfully deserve.

I’ve included some tips below for the single women waiting on the Lord and facing the challenges of being alone or being a whore in order to have someone rather than no one at all:

1. Keep your relationship with God tight. This is number one because it is impossible to live a victorious life without being connected to God. His word says that we live not by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God. I’ve been in the crazy places where I honestly felt like I could not go on to live another day, but God spoke a word to me that gave me life, rejuvenation, hope, and courage. If I had not been connected to him. I don’t know how I would have make it this far. So guard your prayer-life. Keep consistency in praying to God, and reading his word. Ask God in prayer what you are to read in his word because his word is deep and it’s life to us. We need it, but we don’t always know how to handle it at least I don’t.
2. Love, Respect, and value yourself. Use your single time to discover and celebrate your gifts, your personality. The things you like, and maybe the things you’ve despised. You have to learn how to love respect, and accept yourself completely. All of you.
3. Treat yourself. Don’t wait around for a man to take you out. Take yourself out. Buy your own box of chocolate or several like I do LOL.
4. Hang out with like-minded girls who have also made a decision to follow Christ. When a guy calls off a date because he has found out that you believe in abstinence until marriage, then your girls should be there to still go out with you and have a good time.  You all will strengthen one another, and plus you all identify with and understand one another because you face the same issues. Learn from one another, sharpen and encourage one another.
5. Keep a godly example of a real-man in your view. This man could be married or single, a relative, friend, or associate. It doesn’t matter. Single women just need to be reminded that godly men do exist in the world. Satan loves to throw out the lie that if a woman is waiting on a godly man she will be waiting forever because godly men do not exist, but that is a lie from the pit of hell. Pray that God would open up your eyes to see the godly men around you to give you hope and boost your confidence in what God has for you.
6. Remain in a circle of godly counsel. The bible says in the multitude of counselors there is safety (Proverbs 11:14[iv]). I was in a situation where I liked this guy, who did not seem to like me back, and I was a little down about it.  I then called up one of my sisters in Christ and began to tell her how I thought about just getting with the mail-man who I knew was interested in me even though I wasn’t interested in him.  She began to encourage me and give me sound wisdom, and toward the end of the conversation she said she wished she had been so open before she made certain choices, and that would have prevented her from going through certain things.   The point is through wisdom and godly counsel, we are able to make sound, well thought out, and better decisions. Rather just acting and re-acting off of how we feel in the moment. So, don’t ever be afraid to ask counsel of someone who has been successful or has some level of maturity. By being made aware of their wisdom along with what we know we have a better chance at being successful ourselves.
7. Guard your spirit from any distractions: anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, unnecessary noise, burdens, worries, and trust in the Lord.

[i] The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. John 10:10 (KJV)

[ii]  There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 (KJV)

[iii] Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Ephesians 3:20 (KJV)

[iv] Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety. Proverbs 11:14 (KJV)

Despite the fact that many young adults are getting married at older ages, and the benefits that come with that such as a higher level of maturity which would result in a stronger foundation for a healthy relationship. Not to mention, the fact that older adults may be more established financially, emotionally, and socially, and lastly have had some time to experience life and find themselves outside of a family which would bring more value and worth to a family when one is established. Many singles constantly feel the need to defend themselves against the labels placed on them or the categories they are forced into as if their has to be something wrong with them for choosing to be single while waiting on the person God has for them.

Some of the labels forced on singles include:

Desperate/Thirsty:

He or she has been single for a long time; therefore, by this time she must be desperate. The single who wears this label is expected to look at every new man who walks through the door of her church, place of business, family get together, or single’s group as a potential spouse. She is also labeled so desperate at times that married women and women in relationships feel the need to hide their men around her because she may be so thirsty, she’ll do anything including take your man.

An Idolized Image of Marriage and/or Relationships:

Many ask themselves what is the reason for someone else being single, and the conclusion is often drawn that she must be a person who idolizes marriage and relationships, and God is somehow punishing her by keeping her single until she stops idolizing marriage and relationships and starts to idolize God. Often, the spiritual make this assumption as if they can see into the heart of another man or woman.

Ugly

In the analysis of trying to pinpoint why one is single, whether a person is ugly or not tends to be the first one to be checked off of the list. Once, it’s established that the person is not physically ugly, the analysis goes on to the question of whether the individual is ugly in other ways. Does the single individual know how to treat people? Does the individual have an ugly attitude? An assumption could be made that the individual is just plain ugly and that is why he or she is single.

Unable to Cook:

This one is almost exclusively placed on the ladies. She must not be able to cook. If she was able to cook she would be able to get a man.

He/She doesn’t like sex:

She is one of those who practices abstinence, so she must not want to have sex when she gets married. Surely, she has an imbalanced view of sex and God’s purpose for sex.

An independent woman who doesn’t need a man:

She must be one of those independent women who feels she doesn’t need a man.

Not the Marrying Type:

She is probably loose or he must be a player. She doesn’t know how to submit to a man, and he doesn’t know how to be a husband. She must not want to be married. He just isn’t the marrying type.

She is just too deep:

It’s assumed that Ms’. Too Deep has something against dating because she rarely goes out. It isn’t considered that she hasn’t met anyone worthy of her to go out with or that God could be hiding her for his own purpose at this time, it’s just that she is too deep, and picky. She is waiting patiently for Mr. Perfect. She will be waiting forever. She needs to just settle for what she can get, and stop waiting on Mr. Perfect because Mr. Perfect doesn’t exist.

Singles have all of the time in the world:

If anyone can, a single person can. Because they aren’t bogged down with a spouse and kids surely they are available to serve on every auxiliary. It often isn’t considered that singles often do serve in several ministries, but while doing that singles need to also remember to strengthen the relationships God has already placed in their lives such as parents, friends, family, mentors, mentees, grand-parents, themselves, and their relationship with God. Also, married people can share the responsibilities of a household, but a single person carries all of those responsibilities on her own. She has to pay the bills, take the garbage out, clean the house, cook, and have time for other things.

My thoughts on the above labels:

While I would agree that there are singles out there who would fit into each and every label described. The labels above-mentioned do not necessarily fit every single individual. After a while, singles are almost forced to fit into a stereotype of someone else’s experience with a single whether than being respected for who they are individually. Singles should at least be given the respect to get to be known by someone before they are judged by someone to fit into one of the above categories.

Some of those labels are very harsh, inconsiderate, and should never be repeated.

If a single person is down or discouraged at the moment, and seeks out another brother or sister in the Lord for prayer or encouragement, that single individual doesn’t need a list of what’s wrong with them. Maybe, a list of what’s right with them would be better.

Unfortunately, labels placed on singles cause them to feel worse about themselves whether than to feel better resulting in confusion and in-contentment. In-contentment is one of Satan’s biggest weapons to get believers seeking for things that are outside of God’s will. In-contentment breeds distractions that keep believers walking around the wilderness for 40 years looking to get to a promise that they already have coming to them if they would just trust God.

This is why it’s so important as a single to know your own worth, and value. It’s important for you to write your own label, and wear it well because the label that you write should be authentically you with or without approval from others.

I encourage you as a single to write your own label. This is one of the greatest times in your life because as a single person, you’ve got the opportunity to get to know who you are for yourself. So many people find their identity in relationships with others and sometimes that can be good if the other person is trust-worthy and genuinely cares about you, but if the person isn’t you’ll be able to recognize what they are saying about you isn’t correct, which should make you act in an according manner.

The labels that we write should be based on what God says about us. Everyone doesn’t understand the sacrifice that’s related to those who are called to be single for a season. People tend to judge inaccurately what they do not understand. Don’t allow other people’s judgments of you as a single to shift your focus off of what God is calling you to right now.

The world views being single as a negative, but God views singleness as a positive. 1 Corinthians 7 says that being single is a gift that has a purpose. That purpose is to spend our time as singles focusing on the business of God without distraction (1 Corinthians 7:35). That is an honorable calling to focus on God’s business and plan for our lives without distraction. That is also a threat to Satan, and that is why he fights singles so hard.

It’s time to take off the labels placed on us by others, and believe, think, and speak what God says about us.

Below you will find the label that I have written for myself and am still currently writing:

I’m a bad chick in a good way. Any man who is blessed to have me as his wife is truly blessed. I embody the virtuous woman and then some. I am beautiful, appropriate, humble, compassionate, diligent, creative, loving, frugal, wise, respectful, funny, very focused and considerate.

I’m not desperate because I’m the daughter of the King, which means I’m royalty, not just anyone can have me. God’s invested too much in me since a young age for me to cast my pearls before swine. Therefore, I’m patient not anxious for a ring or a man. Instead, I find what’s good to do with my hands, and I do it well. I love to cook, read, dance, and enjoy this gift of life that God’s given me. So, don’t feel sorry for me being single because I’m rocking this label and I’m rocking it well until God decides to change it by blessing me with a man who compliments me.

If you we’re to write your own label what would it say? What are some of the labels you feel have been placed on you as a single?

Setting Boundaries in Dating to Honor God and Maintain Purity:

The first boundary that a person needs to have is to be honest with him or herself about whether it is even your time and/or season to date.
As believers our goal in dating is normally meeting a potential spouse that we can marry and share the rest of our lives with, but it honestly may not be your season for that, and that’s OK. It doesn’t mean you’re weird or there is something wrong with you. It just means that it isn’t time. The Bible says that there is a time and a season to every purpose under the sun (Ecclesiastes 3:1).

The flowers that normally come up in the spring aren’t complaining in the winter time about not being able to bloom during winter; They simply wait until it is their time and when their time comes everything happens just the way that it is supposed to. It will be the same way for the believer who is waiting on the appropriate time to date for marriage.

The bible says that the man who delights in God’s word and such will bring forth his fruit in his season (Psalms 1:1-3). That means that whatever is due to that individual will come to pass as long as he continues in God’s way.

One boundary that is good to have is realizing that if you are struggling with lust, masturbation, fantasy lust, and/or can’t sleep without fantasizing about having sex with someone then you are not in your season to date.
Being in a position where your flesh is clearly not under subjection puts you at risk for a relationship that is led by the physical in dating, and that is not how you get to know someone for the purpose of being a potential life partner.
God may need to put you on the shelf for a little while, get you polished up, and fully delivered before he allows possible potentials to come your way.

A second boundary once you meet someone who you’re interested in is to steer clear of conversation that leads one to think about sex:
I will use myself for an example. I met an interesting gentlemen and we exchanged numbers. We had been talking for maybe a week, and the conversation went from work to his penis to a dream that he had about me ripping his shirt off. There is only one place that type of conversation can go, and that is straight to the bedroom. Of course, that was my sign that I immediately needed to cut off the conversation with this gentlemen and set some clear boundaries with him, that if he is going to talk to me he is going to have to respect me by having only respectable conversation.

The same gentlemen also bought up rubbing my feet a couple of times. Remember, we had only been talking for a week. In a week’s time, I haven’t really had a chance to get to know him, and he’s already leaning toward the physical. That can only form a very strong emotional connection with the individual before I find out if he has the character and integrity to sustain our connection beyond the physical. If the character is lacking, but a physical and emotional connection is there it will only provide momentary gratification until the fizz of the relationship fades out because sex, and emotions can only take a relationship so far.

A third boundary is to eliminate or be very cautious of late night conversation:
The previous story took place at 2a.m. in the morning. I just happened to wake up in the middle of the night, and grab my phone and noticed a text message was recently sent, so I responded. However, that was too much of a temptation for the gentlemen that I was talking to. The mood was set. It was late at night. We we’re both probably texting from our beds all comfortable and what not. It is just an easy scenario for temptation.

As a matter of fact, a brother in the Lord had texted me late one night as I was about to go to bed about 12 a.m. I texted him back. He asked me to call him. I did. After talking in general for a while. He gave in to temptation discusses certain things that men should discuss with men, and finally asking if he could come over to my place the next day. I paused in shock because I viewed this dude as a brother in the Lord. I explained to him that I do not allow guys over to my house to be alone with me unless its a relative or something like that.

A forth boundary is to not allow yourself to be secluded with the person of interest:
This doesn’t mean that you and your love-interest can’t ever be alone. It just means that you will not allow yourself to be placed in compromising situations that would make it easy to have sex outside of marriage such as hanging out at each others homes and you all live alone, or checking into a hotel room together. If there is any other scenario that you feel may cause you to compromise then don’t allow it.

For example, When I was much younger and less wise, I used to work with a gentlemen that I dated at South Suburban College. He and I would close up the tutoring center together on Saturdays, and we’d be the only ones there after closing. Some Saturdays we’d stay late together by ourselves because we kind of liked each other. I remember one Saturday sitting in the dark close to each other listening to Jon B. play on the radio. He asked me if I wanted to kiss him to which I responded no because I wasn’t feeling him like that although he was cool. Had that been Taye Diggs or another gentlemen whom I was attracted to; that scenario could have gone a lot different.

A fifth boundary is to take it slow getting to know one another. If you have decided to initially be friends to get to know one another, then act like friends initially and not boyfriend and girlfriend until later on when an appropriate foundation has been established:
The way that friends react toward one another is a lot different than how boyfriends and girlfriends react toward one another. For example, normally a friend isn’t going to call or text every single day; while a boyfriend/girlfriend would. A friend is not going to offer to rub your feet, rip clothes off, or any of that physical stuff. 

Acting like a couple first before getting to know one another opens the door for an attachment to someone that you are not even sure if they can sustain a healthy relationship. If you find out they are lacking in character and what you need; it will be hard to break away from them, and your heart would endure more pain as a result. Not to mention if sin comes in because of this; your relationship with God will suffer.

Be clear what the motives are for the relationship and if the motive or goal of the relationship isn’t right for both parties then be ready to sever the tie. You don’t want to waste your time trying to make something into what it was never meant to be.

The most important boundary of all is to seek God regarding the individual that you are interested in:
My relationship with God in some ways remind me of a relationship of a husband and a wife. I always check with God through prayer about certain big decisions in my life even some small decisions, which is similar to how a wife may check with her hubby about certain decisions to make sure they agree,  and the cool thing is God usually answers me. I tell all church groups of young people that I speak with to seek God in prayer about an individual they may be interested in.

Recently, I sought the Lord concerning a gentlemen who was pursuing me hard to the point where I had to slow him down because I did not want to move very fast. I kept asking God why is this guy in my life? Expose anything to me that I need to see? Let me know if I would be wasting my time to talk to him?

I had a dream after praying for a couple of nights, and in the dream there was an animal in a dog house with danger signs around it. I came walking along focused and about my business the way I am in real-life, and the animal came out of the dog-house attempting to play with me. The animal was a baby cougar. The baby cougar used his paw to reach out to me playing, and my expression and thought in the dream was this type of animal is not something to play with. This is not appropriate.

In short, the interpretation of what God was showing me is the relationship with the gentlemen was not appropriate, but dangerous.  It is dangerous because the gentlemen is comfortable with being wild and playing with sin. When you get around someone who is OK with walking in lust and sin,  it becomes a risk that you may eventually partake in the same activities if you continue forming a strong fellowship with that individual (1Corithians 15:33). 

This is the same gentlemen that in the beginning continued to test me to see how far I was willing to go with him sexually by sharing with me a dream of me ripping his shirt off, and talking about his penis.

I used to think I was weird for having dreams about the guys that I am interested in until recently in the Single’s Ministry at my church the teacher of the class discussed how God always warned her in dreams about men in her life. She used the scriptures below to provide a biblical basis for God using dreams to communicate to us his people:

In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings upon the bed; Then he openeth the ears of men, and sealeth their instruction. Job 33:15

And being warned of God in a dream that they should not return to Herod, they departed into their own country another way. Matthew 2:12

It’s important to note with boundaries–they are personal. This means everyone will not have the same boundaries. Also, you may learn further about yourself that you need to adjust your boundaries either increasing or decreasing. Boundaries help you to meet your end goal. Your end-goal is based on your values. Do you want to honor God? Set boundaries that would make it easier to do so.

Do you want to protect your peace? Add boundaries that make it easier to do so.

That’s all I have for now on boundaries. What are some of the boundaries that you set in your dating relationships? And if you are already married, what we’re some of the boundaries that you set when you we’re dating? Please, leave your comments below?

There is a place of intimacy and rest where single believers and all believers alike should get to with God.  That place of rest is a place of trusting in God, not worrying or caring about what other people think about you. For example, why you are single or why you don’t have a man or woman. When a person is at rest; they aren’t worried about what’s going to happen, how it’s going to happen, they simply rest in the one in whom their trust lies knowing that he will bring to pass everything that has been promised.

Similar to  the child in the picture who rests in her dad’s arms knowing that he’s got her and whatever she isn’t able to do for herself her father is able to go above and beyond. Just like that father has his daughter; God has us singles as well, and we should utilize our time as singles to bond with God resting in him and establishing a close and intimate relationship with him.

Recently, I’ve been meditating on Genesis Chapters 1 and 2 where it talks about how God had a purpose for Adam as he created him. Genesis 2:5 talks about how God created several plants, and vegetation and fountains of water to come up from the ground to water the plants, because there was not yet a man created to do so.

Man, was God’s prize creation, God had created him in his image and his likeness. God had planned out what he was to do before he was created, and Adam was the creature of choice for God to fellowship with. We see Adam and God becoming close as God created man in vs. 7 and 8 and placed man right in the middle of his purpose to take care of the ground.

God was all Adam knew. Adam was God’s creator. Adam did not buck against God and argue with God about what he wanted or what he lacked. To Adam his relationship with God was enough. Fulfilling his purpose in God’s plan was enough. There is a place where we can get to in God where being in fellowship with him is enough and we don’t even realize what we are lacking because it isn’t our season for those specific things that we may lack just yet.

The Bible doesn’t show how much time went between God and Adam before God presented Adam’s wife Eve to him, but it was in God’s plan, and when the appropriate time came that is when God presented Eve to Adam.

During that time we see God begin to prepare Adam. He says it is not good for man to be alone I will make him a helpmeet for him.  (Genesis2:18).

Next, the scripture goes to the below verse:

“And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.  And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. (Genesis 2:19-20)”

I used to wonder why would the Bible say it’s not good for man to be alone; I’ll create a helpmeet for him, and then shift to talking about creating animals, but now that I am older, I believe that was to show Adam what he was preparing to do for him.

The animals when they were bought to Adam to be named; I would imagine we’re in pairs of male and female, so that the animals could be fruitful and multiply after their own kind like God had commanded them to do.

This had to bring up a question in Adam’s mind. Why do all of these animals have a male and female pair someone who looks like them and they can identify with, feel understand, and have companionship, but I don’t have a male and female pair.  At that time it was still just Adam.

However, after God used that experience to show Adam what he was going to do he caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep where he took out the rib and created the compliment to Adam, which was Eve. Adam, then responded with gladness, “bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She will be called woman because she was taken from the man.” Adam had finally gotten his compliment in which it had always been God’s will for him to have, but he had to continue to walk in trust and intimacy with God as God worked on his behalf to bring it to pass. He had to rest in the fact that what God promised he would surely bring to pass.

Adam and Eve continued to have close fellowship with God. Chapter two closes out stating that both Adam and Eve we’re naked, yet they we’re unashamed. I remember a few years back. God dealt with me concerning this scripture that says and they we’re both naked and unashamed.

Naked means uncovered or lacking a covering or something that is needed. Even though they did not have any clothes on; they did not feel any shame because God was covering them. God’s perfection, fullness, and completeness being I am that I am, all that we need causes us to lack nothing in his presence.

The bible also says that in God’s presence is the fullness of joy and at his right hand are treasures forever more. In other words, God has the authority to give you everything that you need and in fact its in his plan, but we have to learn to walk with God to the point where he is enough. Where the things that we lack aren’t even on notice because what we have in our relationship with God is so much more.

God’s word says that he that seeks the Lord shall not want any good thing, and that God knows the plans that he has for us plans to give us a hope and a future. Oftentimes, when it concerns the blessing of a spouse, there are so many voices giving us advice telling us to be open, you may have missed out on your spouse because you don’t talk to just anybody, your standards are too high, you’re not approachable, you are too deep and the list goes on. However, when we rest in that secret place of close intimacy with the Lord like Adam he will begin to prepare us for our spouses by showing us the need that we have for them like he did with Adam. Finally, he will present our spouses to us, and we will not miss a beat.

It’s important that as a single individual that you guard that place of intimacy between you and God. Because it’s in that place of intimacy with God that your faith and trust in God grows for what God has already planned for you in your life. It’s important that you don’t allow other people’s opinion of you, even if the opinion is coming from another believer, to cause you to make decisions outside of God’s will for your life and alter your destiny altogether.

Ultimately, it is unbelief that Satan uses to try to get you out of that place of intimacy with God. That place of intimacy is a place of rest, and a place of trust. It’s a place of assurance and confidence that what God said he will bring to pass. Hebrews 3:18-19 makes it clear that unbelief prevented the children of Israel, who we’re God’s people in the old testament from entering into the land of promise and also into God’s rest. The old testament is our example as new testament believers. Therefore, we see that it is unbelief that keeps us from entering into God’s rest. We also see that their is a rest to the people of God through having faith in God, and that faith is nurtured in a close or intimate relationship with God.

Hopefully, this blog has encouraged someone to grow closer to God, and to put their trust in him who never disappoints.

We have to be careful not to fall into the same trap of unbelief as we wait for the promise of our mate. We have to realize that the closer we get to our mate, the harder it will become for us to believe God for them because Satan will throw everything at us that he has. We will need to continue to hold on to our confidence in the Lord for that season.

Happy New Year’s.  A new year brings new hope along with the feelings of a fresh start, a clean slate. Hopefully, everyone has patched up some things in 2013, so that we all can move forward to what God has for us in 2014. I am overjoyed at how God, the very one who created the world honors my prayers. At the end of 2013, I prayed to God about something that had bothered me that year saying that I did not want to take it into 2014. The very first day of 2014, I was bothered by that thing again, and I guess that was God’s way of letting me know that he was getting ready to deal with it for me at the beginning of the year.

Anywho, an opportunity soon came up for me to share with someone how they we’re offensive to me, and the person responded very well, and I was able to drop that completely right at the beginning of 2014.

What are your focuses for the new year? How can you stay focused? Do you have accountability partners for sins that you struggled with in 2013 that you do not want to struggle with in 2014?

Have you dealt with anger, offenses, bad habits, and lack of discipline in various areas of your life in 2013 that you do not plan to deal with in 2014?

My focus for 2014 came down to three things:

1.) Seeking to please God above myself. Not being selfish, and remembering the dreaded fruit of the spirit long-suffering.  Sometimes, when things get uncomfortable for me as a believer I can become selfish and want relief for myself; instead of seeing what God is trying to do in the situation and if he is trying to use the uncomfortable situation to help me or someone else. I have to be reminded that God said that those that follow after him will have to bare their cross. (Matthew 16:24)

2.) Seeking God’s wisdom first in my dealings with guys: This is pretty easy for me. I’ve always sought God about guys. I think this should maybe be to follow God’s wisdom, and receive what he shows me about the men in my life a lot sooner to avoid emotional damage and being distracted by what isn’t for me.

3.) Matthew 11:12 – And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence and the violent take it by force. This one is basically doing whatever it takes to maintain my deliverance or freedom in certain areas that I’ve struggled with in 2013. Just because we minister the gospel and receive revelation from God doesn’t mean that we are perfect and automatically walk in deliverance over sin. We have to make a conscious effort to obey God in the mist of the pressures of life, the flesh, and temptation.

Four Lessons that Maryjane Needs to Learn

This past Tuesday, being Maryjane premiered on BET. Most women can identify with her character in some way. Maryjane is the typical Black woman going through life with the basic needs that all humans share. The need to be loved, desired, have companionship, sexual fulfillment, and all. There is nothing wrong with all of those desires, but the way that she is going about it is the wrong way.  She is a woman who gives a lot and covers others like so many of us women do.  We are natural nurturers.   Sometimes, after that nurturing we hope for someone to love, cover, and nurture us. Maryjane gives of herself to her niece,  a brother who depends on her financially, another brother of hers, and her parents making sure they are OK.  She is a single independent, and successful woman who at this point in her life has to work like so many of us single women. Below are four lessons Maryjane should learn in her journey of life and single-hood:

1.) The men that do not respect you come across your path to teach you what you don’t want, as well as help you to appreciate what you really do want which is a man who truly respects you enough to be exclusively yours, a man who will consider your needs as much as his own if not more, a man who will give her real love. This is what Maryjane really wants because if she did not want more she would not have been so upset when her arrangement with do not answer #2, David, did not turn out the way she desired. So, many women settle for the wrong guys because those wrong guys are the only guys that cross their path. However, just because many wrong guys cross our paths doesn’t mean that’s all that we are worth having. Never agree to have a relationship with someone simply because that is what’s available for that moment when you know that isn’t what you really want. Never agree to have a relationship with a person when you sticking with them, is based on whether they will change or not. The individual has to be ready to change for themselves. Maryjane agreed to have a booty-call agreement with David, or do not answer # 2, but as the relationship went on she became upset with him and tried to alter their agreement which blew up in her face. She had a man periodically, but she did not get what she really wanted and it left her frustrated.

2.) Boundaries are set up to protect us. Boundaries are limits or standards that we set for ourselves to keep us safe or to protect us from harm.
God’s word is a boundary in our life teaching us how to navigate  this fallen world where everyone doesn’t have the do-right in them to treat us the way that we deserve. Maryjane seems to identify with religion in some way like most people. In the first episode, she played Detrick Haddon and Darwin Hobbs  “He’s Able” in the car while she was riding her niece somewhere. When her niece wanted her to turn the song off she mentioned that she thought that it would be inspirational.

God’s word is more than inspirational. His commandments give life, and protect our lives. The bible says to abstain from sex outside of the boundary of marriage. Something that Maryjane is not practicing at all. She identifies with God to the degree of religion, but not to the degree of obedience. Now, she finds herself soul-tied to a married man, and another man who doesn’t really want her, but is only using her for his convenience. She takes a back-seat to who she really is, a woman worthy of real-love, to the side-piece, and booty-call chick for the moment. Her heart is wide-open for all of the emotional hurt that we watched her experience over and over again. When will she learn?

For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous. 1 John 5:3
Correction is grievous unto him that forsaketh the way: and he that hateth reproof shall die. Proverbs 15:10

God shares in his word that his commandments are not grievous; however the person who views God’s commandments as grievous and chooses to turn away from them will experience some form of loss.
Grievous as defined by dictionary.com means:
1.) causing grief or great sorrow
2.) flagrant; outrageous; atrocious
3.) full of or expressing grief; sorrowful
4.) burdensome or oppressive.
5.) causing great pain or suffering

3.) You have a choice. Take responsibility for how you want your life to turn out.  Just because something is being sold doesn’t mean we have to buy it. If Maryjane had realized the guys she’s allowed in her life weren’t right for her; and stuck to a sound decision of choosing someone who is better suited for what she wants and needs, she could have avoided a lot of her own heartache, but because she doesn’t believe there is anything better out there, she’s made the decision to settle for the scraps. It’s OK to learn and go through heartache in relationships seeing different people’s character and so forth, but when the same thing happens over and over again just with different guys, then you have to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself why am I allowing this perhaps I need to make some different choices.

4.) Learn your worth. Love yourself first. When you learn to love yourself certain things you just will not put up with. Take your own self out instead of getting so excited that a guy wants to take you out that  you have to masturbate as Maryjane’s character did. Hang out more around those who love and appreciate you; it will only remind you of your own worth. Instead of her pushing her mother away; She should take her mom out to lunch. Utilize the relationships that God has given you now in this moment that build you up instead of tear you down.

A couple days ago I awakened to a message saying that I had received a nomination for an award to my blog. I thought for-real, I hadn’t even been blogging very long, but I guess my work hasn’t gone without notice. It was May of 2013 that I uploaded my first blog, but I’ve been writing, and observing things to write about since I was 5 years old. Today, with great joy , I accept the Sunshine blogger Award.

The Sunshine Blogger Award is an award given among fellow bloggers to recognize one another for spreading rays of sunshine and motivation. My nomination came by way of Brandi Williams, a wonderful young lady I met one day I was out and about promoting my radio program. You can visit her blog at the following link: http://lipsforjesus.blogspot.com

Rules to accept the Award include:

1.) Reference and link to the person who nominated you!

2.) List the 11 things you just learned about me.

3.) Share 11 things I don’t know about you, or use the same questions that I answered.

My answers to the questions:

1.   What is the first thing you do as soon as you wake up in the morning? I turn        my alarm off if it’s a work day. Then I acknowledge God, and grab my                     phone.

2.  What is your greatest fear?  Honestly, I don’t spend time focusing on my              fears because that seems counter-productive. Fears that I have had in the          past; I’ve overcome such as: Fear of the dark, fear of doing things on my               own, fear of speaking in front of people, fear of trying certain things.

3.  Do you have a new year’s resolution for 2014?  I have a New Year’s focus of       seeking to please God before I seek to please myself. I am a very giving           person, and because of that I’ve been imbalanced in the past where God            has dealt with me about doing more things for myself; however, I don’t want        to go overboard as we can sometimes do when we’ve been extreme in one        area.

4.     What is your favorite song at the moment?  Anthony Hamilton “Best of Me”

5.     What is your favorite childhood memory? Hmmm, I’m gonna say having              dance contests with my brothers while we watched Soul-Train on                          Saturday mornings. Also, whipping them on Street-fighter and Mortal                  Kombat lol.

6.       Facebook or Twitter? Facebook

7.      What did the last text message you received say? Sure, you got a chess               board. (Meeting someone to play chess.)

8.       What bugs you the most? It really bugs me when I see potential in                       someone to be amazing, but that person is content with being foolish. It              also, bugs me when people don’t listen, and I have to tell them the same            thing over and over again.

9.       What do you consider to be the most important appliance in your house?           The Stove. A girl’s got to cook.

10.    If you could have one song that would play whenever you entered a room,           what would it be? “That Girl” by R-Swift – Here’s a link to the                                  songhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHFaK-ZjAGI . I’m that chick!                     LOL.

11.   What’s your favorite movie quote?  At the current moment my favorite                 movie quote is from the movie Baggage Claim that says, “The magic is             not in getting married, but in staying married.”

Thanks for Reading!

Below are the answers to the questions from Ms. Brandi who nominated me as well as those that I am nominating:

1.       What is the first thing you do as soon as you wake up in the morning? Hit            snooze!  When I wake up for real I check my phone because as I’ve                    mentioned, I sleep with my phone on silent.

2.       What is your greatest fear?  Not being who I was created to be.

3.       Do you have a new year’s resolution for 2014?  I don’t have a “resolution”           per say but my goal is to speak and teach with more frequency.

4.       What is your favorite song at the moment?  “Only One” by PJ Morton

5.       What is your favorite childhood memory? Time with my grandaddy.

6.       Facebook or Twitter? Facebook.

7.       What did the last text message you received say? “But they didn’t have               eggs, bananas, strawberries, or milk.”  That would be describing the                    state of most stores here in the Chicago area due to incliment weather.            Lol.

8.       What bugs you the most? People who talk too much and don’t catch                    social cues.

9.       What do you consider to be the most important appliance in your house?            The coffee maker!

10.    If you could have one song that would play whenever you entered a room,          what would it be?  Proooobably Usher’s Bad Girl! LOL!                                           #whatyallknowaboutasupermodel

11.    What’s your favorite movie quote? Real simple:  “What-eva-you-like.”                  (Coming to America)

I would like to nominate the below bloggers:

http://www.kimontheweb.com/category/blog Kim Brooks

http://myrelationshiplessons.blogspot.com/ Delvin Randle of Relationship Lessons

I heard a story on a radio program that I sometimes listen to on my lunch-break. The story was from a gentlemen who called in and shared how he met his wife. He was in the army and saw a woman standing on the corner that he could not get to in time. She had already left. He asked his friend who was standing near if he knew her. To which the friend responded yes and provided the gentleman with the woman’s address. The gentleman wrote her a telegram stating, “I saw you on the corner and you we’re the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I am in the army, badge number such and such, and I was wondering if you would write me sometime.” Now, forty years later that woman is the mother of his three children and his wife of 35 years.

Of course, when I heard that story, I thought about how beautiful it was to hear how a man was so enamored with a woman that he was willing to do whatever it took to get her attention to possibly be his wife.

It seems nowadays that things are the other way around. If you do not have a solid foundation or support system around you, as a woman, it’s easy to forget that we are still the prize just as much today as we were yesterday.

Prize: A reward for victory or superiority, as in a contest or competition.  Something that is won in a lottery or the like. Anything striven for, worth striving for, or much valued

– Dictionary.com

The Bible says, “Who can find a virtuous woman, for her price is far above rubies. (Proverbs 31:10) The definition of price according to dictionary.com is, “That which must be given, done or, undergone to obtain a thing.” This woman in Proverbs 31 is the type of woman that I am referring to in this blog. The world tries to make it seem like if you live for God, and if you live as a virtuous woman it is in vain, and you will only end up alone, but that is not the truth. The reality is you are a woman of high worth, and high price, and not just anyone can have you, it takes a certain type of man to handle you, and that man will be crafted in the hands of God himself.

The man who recognizes and realizes the woman as a prize or as worth striving for, meaning to do whatever is required to win her, is the man that we want. Sometimes us girls are so love-starved that we forget that we have a choice and accept the first man that looks somewhat reasonable, but really isn’t willing to step up to the plate and earn our love. It may sound mean, but some of these guys just don’t deserve us. It doesn’t make sense to take something very valuable and give it to someone who will not value it. That situation can only demote a woman’s worth and bring her down.

“Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.”

– Matthew 7:6

If a man doesn’t honor you enough now to do what’s required to get you, if you do catch his attention and snag him into a relationship with you, he may not be willing to do what it takes to keep you. He may even despise you and go after the woman he really wants.

Rachel was the one that Jacob really wanted. The Bible says that Jacob loved Rachel. He did what was required by Rachel’s father Laban working 14 years for her hand in marriage. Leah was the one that Jacob despised and hated because Leah was not the woman of choice, but she was forced on him by Laban (Genesis 29:30-32). Leah, even though married to Jacob, had to deal with rejection from him, and she also found herself fighting for his approval.

The competition between Rachel and Leah fighting for Jacob’s love and approval had gotten so bad that both Rachel and Leah offered their maid-servants to have sex with their husband in order to gain approval from him. (Genesis 30:4-13) When a woman is placed in a situation where her worth is compromised, it causes her to compromise herself and, it causes her to do things that she normally would not do. Women in this type of situation end up getting the short end of the stick. Jacob got to have sex with four different women all because of the insecurities the women faced.

Ladies, this is not the type of scenario that we want to find ourselves in stuck with a man who doesn’t really want us, fighting for his approval trying to convince him that we are worth having.

It’s interesting that the Bible doesn’t share how Leah felt about the whole idea of being given away to Jacob in the first place. It only shares that it went against tradition to give the younger daughter away before the eldest daughter, and that is why she was given to this man who clearly did not want her. Leah faced the issues of what others thought of her, her family, and society at the time. It was probably a general consensus that it would be hard for her to find a man who really wanted her for her because of her eye problem. The Bible says she was tender-eyed (Genesis 29:17.)

However, that doesn’t mean that her worth was any less than Rachel’s. Her eyes we’re just one part of her. She could have had the body of Tyra Banks, and the beauty of Beyonce, with tender-eyes. She could have had a beautiful spirit, and several skills that would bring value to any household. Like Leah, women today face similar challenges. We have pressure from society, family, and friends asking the question why are you still single as if there is something wrong with us for being single.

Leah did not have much choice because of the times that she lived in, but as women today we do have a choice. Despite the pressures we face, what really matters is how we view ourselves. Do we see ourselves as being a prize, who is worthy of real-love, and being swept off of our feet with a surprise letter like the girl in the beginning of this blog.

If we view ourselves the right way realizing that we are who God says we are: A royal priesthood, prized far above rubies, a crown to our husbands, meaning we will bring honor and a good name to the man who wins us, realizing our merchandise is good and we will not allow our candles to go out by night, meaning what we have as virtuous women, we understand that men just can’t find that anywhere, and when the times get hard and it doesn’t look like things will go our way, we will still remain virtuous because being virtuous is not just what we do, but who we are. (1 Peter 2:9, Proverbs 31:10, Proverbs 12:4, 31:18).

If we believe all of what I just mentioned that the Bible says about us virtuous women, then we will be willing to wait for the man who treats us as such. In order for a man to treat us as such, he has to be able to compliment us in the same way or more. So, raise the standard ladies because you are still the prize.

If you liked this article, also read Women are the prize & Men are the Heroes.

I was reading in the book of Jonah the other day in the last chapter of Jonah about how angry Jonah was. God is so sweet he doesn’t leave us when we get all emotion and want to go our own way. You all know the story how Jonah was upset because God wanted to send him to preach to a group of people that Jonah wanted destroyed.

Jonah, ran away, but through circumstance, God brought him right back to the place he told him to go in the first place. So, Jonah went to the town and gave the people the warning God had told him to give which went something like if you don’t repent within such and such a time, God will destroy your city.

Jonah was so angry that he camped outside of the city to see what would happen to it. He was hoping to see the judgment of God on the people. God was merciful to Jonah in his anger and caused some type of a plant to grow above Jonah’s head to provide him with shade from the sun, and Jonah enjoyed that.

However, God caused that plant to wither and die, and Jonah in anger says to God, “I’m so angry, I could die.” To which God responds, do you have a right to be angry over the plant that I caused to spring up and to die overnight, yet you are not concerned at all about these people who don’t know there left hand from their right hand? (Jonah 4:9-11)”

God was attempting to change Jonah’s perspective. Of course, he had a right to be angry because of the evil things that the people of that city had done, but he did not have a right to stay angry to the point of wishing upon them God’s judgment when God had been seeking for mercy.

Ultimately, the people repented and the city was spared. How many of us have been angry at people who have hurt us, and it seemed as if they just got away with it. We carried the anger so to the point of wanting to see God’s judgment or some type of retribution toward that person.

We can be angry for a season, but we should not sin. When that anger leads to bitterness, unforgiveness, and wrong thinking; then it becomes sin.

I know a young lady who dated a few guys, and the few guys that she dated we’re never right. They we’re never up to standard. She dated men who we’re unsaved who weren’t up to standard. She then dated a man who was saved, and he was not up to standard. She began to harbor anger within herself saying screw all these guys none of them are any good.

Her anger moved from being angry, to bitterness, to unbelief. She went from hoping to one day meet a godly man who would compliment her to, believing that their aren’t any good men out there, which is a position of failure. That is where Satan wants to take us to a position of failure where we will forfeit our own blessings in Christ because of our anger, but we can  like Jonah get together with God and be real with God telling him, “I’m so angry I could just die,” God will then assist us in the things that we need to do to renew our minds and to get rid of the anger through changing our perspective of things. The young lady who was very angry began to be reminded by God of Philippians 4:8 which says:

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

The young lady has made a decision not to entertain any negative thought dealing with men or relationships. She instead has decided to entertain what God’s word says instead. She is no longer angry, and has set herself up to receive the blessing of God.