God is very well able to exceed our expectations. His word says he is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think (Ephesians 3:20). When we doubt God; we insult God and his ability to go beyond what we could ever want or need in our lives. God is not a genie, but he is the God who is able to exceed our expectations and he is faithful to his word.

I recently learned a thing or two about God. I had a situation where I needed a really good dependable car. I went from dealership to dealership looking for something cute and good-running, but did not really know what I wanted nor what I needed.

I was pressured by salesmen to settle for an expensive car that I wasn’t sure I wanted. If I would have purchased,  I would have been taking a chance on a car that may or may not last with a note that I would be enslaved to with a price far above my price range, and possibly end up in the same position again of needing a car.

So, I decided to wait. I decided to get my transmission fixed on my old car and make other necessary repairs until I found something that fit what I wanted. What I thought I wanted was a newer Chevy Malibu so I would always search online for those cars in my local area.

I had found a Chevy Malibu with a moon-roof and automatic windows  online several months later. I felt it was OK so I did not pursue it heavily. I went to that same dealership with the Malibu. The car of my dreams was waiting on me when I got there. The car that I purchased was a spitting image of the Chevy Cruze, which is a car that I really love how it looks but was outside of the budget that I wanted to spend.

God in his providence and exceeding favor knew that I liked that style of car. He had the dealer purchase a similar looking car from up north and drive it into the dealership the day that I had planned to be there. The car was so new it had not been entered into the internet database yet so other car shoppers could not view it. Why? Because that is the car that God had set aside for me. The price of the car was unbelievable. It actually fit my budget giving me the wiggle room to pay extra on it each month to pay the car off early.

That whole situation ministered to me greatly. It ministered the point that not only is God able to meet our needs, but he is able to exceed just meeting our needs. I wanted a good-running dependable car with a sun-roof and automatic windows. I got a good-running, dependable, great looking car that I really love with my sun-roof and automatic windows. The car is so me. It fits me very well. People always tell me it looks newer than it actually is which it does.

What did I learn from this whole experience? I learned to know what you want, and for the stuff you don’t know trust God and he will give you that and more.

I learned not to settle for the first deal that comes along because the first deal that comes along may not be what God has for me. I learned to wait for the right deal, and that the right deal will certainly be worth the wait like the scripture says, “the blessing of the Lord makes rich and adds no sorrow with it. (Proverbs 10:22)”

Finally, I learned that the right deal which is the one that God has to offer will exceed my expectations. So, be encouraged in this single journey and know that God already has what’s for you ordered up with extra trimmings it’s only a matter of time. He is the God who exceeds our expectations.

Just like God blessed me with the car that mirrors the Chevy Cruze without the Chevy Cruze price. I know that he is able to bless me with my husband in the same way greatly exceeding my expectations showing me that I should never entertain settling.

I Got Rid of My Vices Now What?

Hebrews 13:5 simply says let your conversation be without covetousness and be content with such things as ye have for he hath said, I will never leave thee nor forsake thee.

God wants us to know that he is enough. I’ve been meditating on the above scripture re-acclimating myself with what it means to be content. To be content in the Thayer Definition dictionary means:

1. A perfect condition of life in which no aid or support is needed.

2. Sufficiency of the necessities of life.

3. A mind contented with it’s lot.

4. To be possessed of unfailing strength.

5. To be strong, to suffice, to be enough.

6. To Defend or ward off.

7. To be satisfied or to be contented.

Do we see ourselves as possessing all of those things that contentment makes up? Most of those who read this blog are in their 20s and 30s; therefore, we all have heard a thing or two about contentment. However, because of the pressures placed on us from expectations of others, we at times have gotten out of our place of contentment and tried to meet those expectations for ourselves; instead of waiting on the promises of God.

But God wants us to get back into that place of contentment looking to him because he is enough. Normally, when we give up a vice, there is a void left. There is an in contentment, a feeling of what do I do now?

Some of us attempt to seek God, and if there is no answer right away we like the fool return to our vomit.

“As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly. (Proverbs 26:11)”

Everyone at some point in their lives has played the fool, so don’t feel bad if this is you. Just don’t continue to play the fool. Know your worth. Know that you are worthy of more than vomit and mess.

One night after I had given up a vice, I had those feelings of what next, emptiness, and needing to be replenished. For clarity I will share my vice. My vice was talking to a gentlemen who was not good, nor right for me and I knew it all along, but held on because he met a few emotional needs. Even though my vice was not what most would consider sin, it could have easily led to sin.

I could not wait to seek the Lord the next day after work. I prayed to the Lord and God was silent. I believe in keeping it very real, so I told the Lord this is not the time to be hiding yourself with intentions on upping my Jesus-stalking tendencies LOL.

I had an expectation of the Lord. I had made a choice to be obedient and give up what did not please God for his presence knowing that God is a watcher of his word to perform it, and that his word says that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek after him, and that if I drew near to him that he would draw near to me (Hebrews 11:6, James 4:8).

When it came time to go to bed, God begin to minister to me. He told me that he was enough as I began to weep in his presence. He bought up Moses again reminding me that he was up on that mountain alone w/the exception of Joshua in the distance, and how sometimes when we are in that place of intimacy with God people don’t understand it, and it can sometimes be a lonely place, but in that place that can sometimes be lonely God is there, and he is enough. He is enough to fulfill us, to make us whole, and complete to the point where we are lacking nothing.

We have to remember that God is on our side. He has given us the Holy Spirit to comfort us. One morning, I woke up and I heard the Lord speaking into my spirit clearly saying that you are whole and complete in Christ. God wants to remind us that we lack nothing in him. Single, married, divorced, or whatever the case may be we have more than we will ever need through Christ. If we could only see the way that God sees (Meditate on that).

God is bursting at the seems to surpass our needs and the things that we ask of him, but our faith has to be there. God patiently waits for us to come up to where he sees us reaching and when we get there it’s like yes their ready for what I have had for them all along. So, don’t be distracted by the things that you think you need right now. Entrust everything that you feel you need to Christ as he leads you to grow in trust and faith towards him even more. He wants to provide for you manna from heaven in your wilderness seasons to reveal to you who he is. God is a real God of intimacy with his people and that is what he desires with us. That is what I believe is part of the reason why God instructed Moses, when he rained manna down from heaven, for the people not to gather too much. God warned that the people who gathered too much manna would have rotten manna the next day, but the people who gathered just enough manna would have more than enough (Exodus 16:4, 16:17-18).

The people who gathered just enough manna we’re the people who trusted God to show up every day meeting their consistent need because God was enough.

For Courses Available Click Here

Last night, I stayed up until 1 o’clock in the morning watching a movie about Esther that I had not seen before. I noticed how in this particular movie she was single for a long period of time, and she even asked the question saying, “At my age doesn’t it seem like I should be married by now?” She went through the same struggles that women go through today.

However, I also noticed that she kept focused on being pure before God. She prayed to God on a regular basis was humble enough to listen to her teachers, and walk all the way into her destiny as the King’s wife fulfilling her purpose to save her people.

Before I got home yesterday, I had gone to the beauty school to get a pedicure, and the lady who serviced me was a born-again believer. She was slightly older than me, but she greatly encouraged me giving me sound advice.

She shared with me how she waited on the Lord until she was 32 when God gave her the husband that he had for her. She was not perfect during her wait nor did she always make the best decisions, but she was willing to share a few things with me such as:

She asked me the question have you been prophesied to about your husband or has God spoken to you about your husband? I shared with her yes, and the specific instances where God dealt with me directly, and also how he used others to encourage and prophesy to me concerning my husband.

• She said to stand on that word. She said not to listen to people who say that there has to be something wrong with you to have to wait on the Lord for so long. He does things in his own timing, and according to his will and his will is what you want.
  
• She said when men come along that God shows you are not the one then leave them alone.

What she shared may not seem like that much to some, but it was enough to encourage me to continue on trusting in the Lord and to know that he is faithful to bring his promises to pass because he bought it to pass in her life.

So many times the devil would tempt single Christians to think that there is no one out there for them unless they lower their standards. That is why it is so important to see examples of women who have waited on God and have been blessed.

When Job was under attack by Satan, he was tempted to believe that it is a vain thing to live for God because here Job was living for God, and his family dies, he loses his riches, his body is full of boils and illness. His friends are prophesying to him that he must have done something wrong or sinned against God in some way. Job is tempted to question God, but yet he has no right to question God who is much greater than him, who formed the earth and so forth.

The sum of the matter was that God had bragged on Job knowing that he had given Job all that he needed to overcome any situation. He also knew that Job was a faithful man who truly loved him and whether Job had a lot or a little bit he would still give God all the praise and glory. Even through all of the heartache that Job went through he was still able to be content in that situation.

One night a couple years ago, I was laying in the bed at night and I asked God why did you do this to me? Meaning, why did you call me to be single for so long? God responded back to me because he could trust me with it. During that time, God had put on my heart to read Job and I did.

Just as Job was a man of God who was faithful, yet had other believers, who we’re his friends telling him he did something wrong to be in the condition he was; Similarly, there are other ignorant brothers and sisters in Christ discouraging singles telling them they must have did something wrong such as worshiping the  idea of marriage instead of God, but with many that is not the case at all. God knew that he could trust certain singles to be single for long periods of time to concentrate wholeheartedly on his will and his work and like Job came out double-blessed so will we.

As single Christian women, it is important who we listen to. Are we going to listen to what God is saying about our situation or other people who don’t really understand. It is so very important to have examples of women who have gone before, who have waited on the Lord, been strengthened by God, and overcame all the way to their promise of the godly spouse that God has for them.

If more women we’re transparent, their would be less gullible women believing the lies that ungodly men tell them in order to use and abuse them. They would not believe the lie that says that it is impossible to wait on the Lord and to have a godly relationship. They would not believe the lie of the enemy that says following the standards of God’s word is too high, and in order to get a spouse a woman would have to compromise. Women believe these things because these are the only things they see, and know.

There has to be older women to show them different, women who are not afraid to be transparent. Even if an older woman feels that her contribution is small. That small contribution may be the very thing that saves a young woman’s life.

Recently, I was excited to hear that an older woman who has been an example in my life, after waiting years for a godly husband, and spending her time doing the work of the ministry, has been blessed with a godly gentlemen to whom she has become engaged. I am talking about Pastor Kimberly Ray.

She recently wrote a book called Spiritual intervention, and she has a whole chapter dedicated to singles. She shares important points saying:

“Proverbs 31:25 – Strength and honor are her clothing, and she shall rejoice in time to come. Those are the very attributes the enemy wants to steal from single women.”

I thought about it and said she’s right. Those things that keep us strong are the very things that the enemy wants to steal from us. He wants us to faint in well doing, so that in due season we will not reap because we fainted.

Pastor Kim also shared in her book saying, “For those who desire to marry and are wondering when God will bring them a mate, please know this: God loves you, and He made a man of God for you who will not play games with your emotions. He will honor, love, and respect you. Don’t Settle.”

I am very encouraged by her example and God’s faithfulness in her life. If you would like a copy of her book please visit the following link: http://www.pastorkimberlyray.com/

Last but not least, I came across an article written by Essence magazine regarding a 32 year old woman who waited on the Lord for a spouse, and according to the article, God shared with her that she would meet her husband last year. She met him at a Christian function they talked and emailed for a while then they began to date. After approximately 6 months they we’re engaged. To read the full story visit the following link: http://www.essence.com/2014/04/23/just-engaged-have-faith-love

The examples of the four ladies in this blog: Esther, the woman at the beauty school, Pastor Kimberly Ray, and the couple in Essence magazine are all there by God to build our faith.

I pray that all who read this blog are encouraged, and that God would place godly examples before you to build your faith so that you can walk confidently into his will and plan for your life.

Part II

Continuing from our last blog regarding vices and intimacy with God:

5.) Make up your mind to suffer with God’s people. The Bible says that God will not allow us to be tempted above what we are able to bear, but will with the temptation make a way to escape, but we have to make a choice to do some suffering that may be required. As much as we hate to hear as believers, we are still called to deny ourselves, place our flesh under subjection, to suffer with Christ in order to reign with Christ, and yes suffering is a fruit of the spirit that is necessary because of this unsaved flesh that we walk in everyday.

One evening after a rough night of suffering with this flesh, God reminded me of Hebrews 11:25-27 where it says that Moses, by faith chose rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season.

Thayer’s Greek Lexicon dictionary defines “to suffer affliction with” as to be ill treated in company with or to share persecutions or come into a fellowship of ills.

Strong’s Greek Dictionary defines “to suffer affliction with” as to endure persecution together.

Why is this important? It’s important because when people suffer or deny themselves together, they draw strength from one another until deliverance comes. We have the promise of deliverance from God as believers because his word says many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivereth us out of them all (Psalms 34:19). While we are waiting on deliverance, we can grow strong together. Even though we face temptations and urges we gain strength when we see our brother or our sister standing.

A vice has the ability to cause a person to believe they are something that they are not.

Moses for a long time believed he was an Egyptian, which he was not. When Moses realized that being an Egyptian had been able to meet his needs for a season, but it wasn’t who he was nor what God had for him, he had a choice to make. Would he give in to the temptations of Egypt and allow Egypt to become a vice for him meeting his needs temporarily, yet not being what God has for him or would he walk by faith and see what God had purposed for him since the beginning. We see that Moses made the right choice.

One day he found out that he had been set apart for the Lord at birth with a purpose by God to be used as a deliverer to his people, and he made up in his mind to suffer.

He made up in his mind to suffer with the children of God until deliverance came, and deliverance came in a big and sure way.

I want to encourage everyone dealing with a vice to make up in your mind not to define yourself by that vice. That vice is not you. You are not a glutton, alcoholic, drug addict, porn addict, pre-marital sex or adultery addict. You are called by God with a purpose from birth so others can be delivered and set free. So, make up in your mind to suffer with other believers in Christ until deliverance comes.

Everyone has their own cross to bear. When you find out what your cross is, you have to pick that cross up and start bearing it. It’s not going to be easy, and that’s OK. When it gets hard we have to look at Jesus Christ and how he beared his cross to the point of blood (Hebrews 12:2). I’m sure it was hard for Jesus to be beat, spit on, talked about, and have his flesh ripped through, but no matter what happened he went right back to that cross because he had his mind made up to suffer for our freedom.

6.) Trust in the Lord as you let go of the vice. I would imagine that Moses had to trust God in that choice. At least as an Egyptian, he knew where his needs would come from. He knew he had a roof over his head, the finest clothes, plenty of food, and his choice of nearly any woman as a son of the Pharoah, but he gave it all up. That takes trust and faith to give up what you can see for what you cannot see. When he trusted God, it all turned out well for him. He found a wife, had children, had food raiment, and a new family to enjoy. He completed his purpose in God and was a great example to many generations. All that he knew all of his life as an Egyptian, and thought he needed all of his life, he did not really need at all. When he let go of his vice he found a much more fulfilling life. Don’t be afraid to let go of anything or any relationship that God is telling you to let go of. You can trust God to take care of you and all that you need. He is trustworthy. We can put our trust in God and know that He’s got us.

7.) Lastly, Strengthen your intimacy with God. What did Moses do when he found out that he was not an Egyptian? He strengthened his intimacy with God. Often times, intimacy or close fellowship with God is emphasized more so among women, but Moses was a man who began to have an intimate relationship with God. If you read back in the old testament, it shows how Moses met with God on a regular basis on that mountain. He talked with God all the time, and asked to see more of God. He was a person who had close fellowship with God. (Hint to the brothers. It’s ok to go crazy over God as a man. It’s not feminine nor does it take away from your masculinity, but it is necessary.)

People who do not maintain a close relationship with God get caught up in sin and vices more often than those who do maintain a close relationship with God. That’s why when Moses was up on the mountain after the children of Israel had come out of Egypt into the wilderness the people began to sin and worship idols partaking in all sorts of displeasing things because they should have been up on that mountain worshiping and getting to know God also, but they left it up to the pastor or leader. It’s not just for pastors and leaders to have an intimate relationship with God. It’s for everyone to have an intimate relationship with God.

We have to be careful that we don’t get so busy or so distracted that we prioritize everything else over our intimate relationship with God because it opens the door to so many things that can be avoided. Let’s not ignore the vices that have come into our lives, but deal with them starting with drawing closer to God.

For courses available click here

Part I

Vices are temporary pleasures that people hold on to in order to fill a void. Normally, vices lead to bondage or cause individuals to form unhealthy habits or addictions.

Examples of vices include:

• Gluttony
• Pornography
• Alcoholism
• Unhealthy Relationships
• Drugs
• Masturbation

As Christians we are not exempt from dealing with vices. Often vices are based around legitimate needs that are being fulfilled in an illegitimate manner if we look at our vices through the lens of God’s Word.

For example: It’s OK to eat food because you are hungry and need food to live, but to abuse your body and gorge on food because food has become a vice in your life is not good.

The question is how does a person who realizes that he has become addicted to a vice become free, and stay free?

I will share a few things that I have learned as it relates to dealing with vices.

1.) Deliverance from a vice may happen right away for some people, and it may be a process for others. Whatever the case may be to get free from the vice, you have to be determined to stick it out doing whatever is necessary to be delivered. Until a person gets to the point of being willing to do whatever it takes to be free, they will not be free. It isn’t going to be easy, but it will be worth it.

2.) Depending on how drastic the vice is, it may require drastic measures to be free from it such as fasting and prayer. (Matthew 17:21i) There is a spirit attached to every vice, and sometimes God will lead you to go on a specific fast in order for you to be in a place of preparation for God to come in and break the yoke. (Isaiah 58:6ii)

When you fast you are denying yourself and putting your body back under subjection where it belongs (1 Corinthians 9:27iii). You are also growing your desire for intimacy toward God placing yourself in a position to receive from him. God promises through his word that those that hunger and thirst after righteousness shall be filled. You have to prepare yourself to desire God and his way of doing things, it doesn’t come naturally to our flesh because our flesh is against God (Romans 8). God will then come in and give you strength. You may need to complete several fasts before you get free. The flesh is a beast, and it doesn’t do you any good to get instantly free from your vice when you haven’t prepared yourself to want to stay free. You have to want closeness with God more than you want that vice, and often fasting and consistent prayer is how you get that.

3.) Feed your Hunger for God: You have already begun feeding your hunger for God through fasting and prayer. As previously stated, the Bible says that those that hunger and thirst after righteousness will be filled. (Matthew 5:6) You want to be filled with good things. Things that please God. It is essential to replace negative habits with good habits. There are specific passages of scripture that address what happens to a person who has been delivered from demonic oppression. The sum of the scriptures basically states that when an unclean spirit leaves a man, it goes through dry places seeking rest and finds none. So, it comes back to the same person finding that person void, or empty. It then brings seven more spirits worse than itself and the last state of that man is worse than the first. (Luke 11:24-26)

There are spirits attached to every vice that make it harder for a person to become free from a particular vice. Once a person seeks to become free from a vice, he has to fill himself up on the things of God. Things that build his faith in God and not toward the vice for example, the Word of God, Prayer, Sound teaching, and worship. If a person walks around empty as if they don’t need to get into the Word of God, fellowship with other believers, or prayer, it will be easy for that person to become overtaken with the vice again in a much worse way.

When I am tempted to give into a vice. I remind myself that the reward for walking in holiness and obedience is intimacy or close fellowship with God.

Psalms 15 talks about who gets the privilege of hanging out with the Lord by saying:

“Lord, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in thy holy hill? He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart…”(Psalms 15:1-2).

In sum the scripture goes on to say that those who practice walking in holiness and righteousness are those that get to hang out with God. They are the ones that get to see God at work operating and actually notice it because they have learned to be sensitive to the Spirit of God and not to grieve the Spirit of God. Psalms 24:3-5 continues in the same vein:

“Who shall ascend into the hill of the Lord? or who shall stand in his holy place? He that hath clean hands, and a pure heart; who hath not lifted up his soul unto vanity, nor sworn deceitfully. He shall receive the blessing from the Lord, and righteousness from the God of his salvation.” Psalms 24:3-5

Finally, Isaiah talks about how sin separates us from God.  But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear. (Isaiah 59:2)

4.) Realize that God’s desire is to help you to remain free, but you have to exercise your will toward integrity:

There is a story in Genesis 20 that tells how Abraham lied to a king named Ambimelech about Sarah, his wife, saying that she was his sister. The Bible says that he did so because he was afraid that King Ambimelech would kill him and take his wife as his own due to her being so beautiful.

King Ambimelech, then took Sarah into his house as to make her a concubine, but before Ambimelech could touch Sarah, God gave him a dream. In the dream, God warned King Ambimelech that if he touched Sarah he would be a dead man as well as others connected to him because Sarah is a married woman.

Ambimelech’s response to God in the dream was, “would you slay a righteous nation?” He went on to say how he was deceived by Abraham and Sarah and how he bought Sarah into his home based on the “integrity of his heart and the innocency of his hands.”

God responded to Ambimelech saying, “Yea, I know that thou didst this in the integrity of thy heart; for I also withheld thee from sinning against me: therefore suffered I thee not to touch her. (Genesis 20:6, KJV)

As we can see from the above story, God says specifically that he kept the king from sinning. The king’s heart was already toward the Lord to do right. The king did right all he knew, and God made up for what he did not know.

God is always looking out to help us to obey him. He is a good God who understands that we are just men and women (Psalms 103:14iv). God delivered King Ambimelech out of a temptation that he did not even realize he was in. God promises to make a way for us out of temptation. He is on our side and committed to our success to be free from anything that would attempt to interrupt our relationship with him.

There are 3 more important points to share on the topic of vices coming up in part II of this very same blog. Stay tuned for part II very soon!

i But this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting. Matthew 17:21 (NIV)

ii Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke? Isaiah 58:6 (KJV)

iii But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway. 1 Corinthians 9:27 (KJV)

iv For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust. Psalms 103:14 (KJV)

For courses available click here

How do you respond to God’s call to a higher standard and how does that call affect the mate that you choose to have? Can you tell the difference between a good man/woman and a godly man/woman?

The Bible says that many are called, but those that are chosen are few. One of my teachers once said that everyone is called of God, but everyone is not chosen of God because everyone does not answer that call. How do you respond to God’s call to a higher standard and how does that call affect the mate that you choose to have?

It’s crazy the time that we are living in where people treat God’s standards as if they are a thing of the past even some Christians. People see it as more important to fit in and be like everyone else instead of responding properly to the call of God on their lives.

I’ve heard Christians say such things as it relates to being holy and pure in their singleness: Some people just have that gift to live for God in their singleness. However, the person who viewed living in obedient life to God as a single as a gift alone was off in his understanding.

Living obedient to God in singleness or marriage is a choice. It is a choice that starts with denying one’s-self. An appropriate response to God’s command to maintain holiness and purity in singleness as the Word of God admonishes is Romans 12:1:

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”Romans 12:1-2 (KJV)

As believer’s our job is not to live for ourselves or to fit in with the world or even other believers who practice disobedience to God. Our job is to respond to the call of God properly on our lives with obedience.

Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men. Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God. 1 Corinthians 7:23-24

God’s standard and way of doing things is higher than ours. Honestly, I’m so glad that I’ve learned to do things according to God’s standard because things are easier this way. That doesn’t mean it will always be easy obeying God, but it will be easier than going through unnecessary changes to get back to that duh moment of I should have done things God’s way to begin with.

The Bible says that as believers we are a peculiar people, a holy nation set apart to show forth the praises of God who has called us out of darkness into his marvelous light. 1 Peter 2:9 (KJV).

Don’t be afraid to be peculiar, not to fit in all the time, not to be popular with the people. It is more important to please God and to be popular in the eyes of God than man. I did something that was peculiar for my 28th birthday. First, I met Mary Mary for the first time and told them how much I loved them, I went to a nice restaurant and got my free dinner, but what was peculiar was I went to the Sybaris all by myself.

The Sybaris is normally a romantic getaway for couples. I had gone to a dinner in relation to my job and won a gift certificate to the Sybaris. Originally, I thought to myself should I give this away to a couple or believe God for a husband before this expires, or lastly should I take my single butt and go by myself anyway. I was really stressed at work at the time working 2-3 different positions. I was living with my family and needed some time away from everything just to have some peace and some quiet time with the Lord.

Sidenote: Don’t be afraid as a single to do things on your own or with a person who isn’t a significant other such as a friend or cousin. You don’t know when God will send the right one and you don’t want to set yourself up to be anxious if the wrong one comes along. So, purpose to enjoy your life where you are at now as a single person. I had people to tell me I was awkward and weird for going to the Sybaris without a man, but I went anyway.

I bought my Bible with me, swim-suit, and some relaxing jazz music. There was a bottle of sparkling apple cider waiting on me in the room, a jacuzzi, sauna, electronic massage chair, and a pretty fireplace.

I got there and took lots of pictures, played my jazz music, got a massage, read a book in the jacuzzi, and had some quiet time with the Lord. During my quiet time, God took me to the story of Saul, who was a King in the Bible (1 Samuel 15).

Saul was called to be King of Israel, but Saul was a king who displeased God because Saul’s response to the call of God that was on his life was to be disobedient to God. The Bible says that Saul made the choice to disobey God because he wanted to please the people. He wanted to fit in with the people that God had called him to serve.

God ended up saying that he wish he had never made Saul King. God removed him as king and replaced him with a man who was after his own heart. Saul went from being chosen to being called but not responding properly to the call of God that was on his life.

We have to be careful as believers what people we choose to listen to because if we listen to the wrong ones, we could end up all the way out of our position and calling that God has designated for our lives just like Saul. Saul should have listened to the prophet Samuel, who was ordained to be a voice of wisdom from God in his life. Too often we as humans we go with our nature and popular thinking and refuse the wisdom of God that has been placed in our lives.

How many leaders are out there reading this blog,  who despise what God has called them to in order to fit in? How many people have changed who God called them to be in order to be in a relationship?

How does our response to God’s calling to a higher standard affect the spouse that we decide to choose for ourselves? Can we as believers discern between a good man/woman vs. a godly man/woman? If the relationship that you are pursuing forces you to be something other than what God has called you to be then the relationship is not for you, and if you choose the relationship it will hinder where you are supposed to go.

I recently went out with a good man according to the standards of the world. He told me he was in the process of getting himself together, which is respectable and I applaud that 110%, but I was still able to realize that even though the brother is a good man, he isn’t a man who is ready for a woman like me yet. In the future, possibly he will be ready but that is between him and God. I have made my resolve a long time ago that I cannot change a man, neither will I try.

So, the gentlemen and I we’re out at dinner talking, and the brother said:

“I am looking for a wife who can get with me on not just a physical level, but a mental level. Now, I may get her pregnant before we get married, but my intentions are to marry her. Also, I know about God, I know about Jesus, but that is not my thing. I try to stay away from that because of an experience I had in the past. I’ll go to church though.”

Was the brother a good brother? Yes, he was. He worked a job responsibly. He was a gentlemen who opened doors, walked me to the car afterward, paid for the meal, and did not disrespect me. He was a good dude, but was he a godly dude? I would have to say not yet.

I talked to another gentlemen who grew up in the church. His parents are ministers, but the brother likes to play around pursuing several different women at one time and seeing how far he can go sexually with them. Is he a good dude? Yes, he works a job responsibly, has an education, says a few scriptures here and there, even prays, takes care of his body, opens doors, initiates pursuing a woman, handy around the house and with vehicles and such. Is he a godly dude? Not yet.

The last gentleman even though well entrenched in things pertaining to God has not made the choice nor learned the value in denying himself out of obedience to Christ which is only reasonable. If I chose either gentlemen based on the standard of the world for good men. I would be placing myself in a situation of conflict. There would always be an un-meeting of the minds until finally one party gives in and changes their stance by either lowering my standard or one of the gentlemen coming up to my standard. However, it’s always easier to lower your standard than to come up to someone else’s standard.

If I chose the second gentlemen, I would always be fighting for purity or exclusivity in our marriage. The Bible says the marriage bed is holy and undefiled. That is something that must be guarded. To be pure or undefiled means just that pure, exclusive, one flowing stream of love between the husband and wife who are one. Not multiple streams of love between several different people in a marriage.

A person needs to get that strait before marriage. A person needs to guard his purity between himself and God before marriage, and he will be more likely to attempt to guard the purity between himself and his wife after marriage. Just a good man is not good enough for me. I have to have a godly man. I don’t just want someone who will attend a church, I want someone who is the church. Someone who responds to the standard that God has on his life in an appropriate manner. That is the man who will be chosen for me.

I encourage you to examine yourself and ask yourself, “Are you responding to God’s call on your life properly through obedience and humility allowing God to grow you and mature you in him, or are you hiding who you are as a believer in the efforts of fitting in with the world and those around you?

The sum of the question is that we all have a choice as believers to obey or to disobey? Even if a person who is called runs from his calling he may still be used of God one way or the other. The question is how will he decide to be used of God in a way that honors himself and God or in a way that dishonors himself, yet honors God. God can use our mistakes and hard-headed disobedience to teach others that his way is better. However, this is not the best way to be used of God because it will be harder than standing for God’s way that he called us to in the first place.

20 But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and of silver, but also of wood and of earth; and some to honor, and some to dishonor. 2 Timothy 2:20

Saul was still used of God but not in the way that God had originally planned. His decisions of self-will and disobedience got him rejected as king, yet those of us who read about him take a lesson from his story and thus God is glorified even in that. However, if Saul had it to do all over again he may have made a different choice.

What choices are you making as a person who has been called of God? Are you making choices based off of God’s word or the opinions of others?

We know that All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness. 2 Timothy 3:16. Also, we know that as believers we are washed and cleansed through the Word of God. (Ephesians 5:26) Lastly, we make our way prosperous and are guaranteed to have good success even in the keeping of the commandments of the Lord through his word. (Joshua 1:8)

So here are some additional scriptures to meditate on: 1 Corinthians 6:13-20, Proverbs 5:15-20

I hope the below song encourages you to be provoked to give God your all:

Why women will never get what they want if they follow Beyonce’s example in Partition:

The last blog, I wrote about called, “To Be a Whore or To Be Alone?”, addressed the struggle between single men and women where women feel like they have no other choice but to be a whore or to be alone. The pressure for singles is real and many women struggle with that because they do not want to be alone, while the quality of men that approach them is to disrobe, dishonor, and use them and toss them to the side. The final result of that blog was to trust in the Lord who covers us, and not to compromise our worth as women in order to have a man.

Beyonce’s message in partition is OK for married women adapting to the needs and wants of her spouse within the boundary of marriage. The bible says that the marriage bed is undefiled (Hebrews 13:4i), which means that it is holy, and appropriate to let loose within the covenant of marriage, but all the single ladies who interpret the song’s lyrics, “I just want to be the girl you like, the kind of girl you like is right here with me”, as appropriate for them in their singleness are setting themselves up for a high-risk relationship that may not last.

The video of Partition starts out at a table where a man is reading a newspaper ignoring Beyonce’, while she ponders how to get his attention. She begins to disrobe, and the scene is set for her compromise. The man doesn’t pay her attention until she disrobes and becomes what he wants.

What if the many single women and young girls who look up to Beyonce’ took her song and video Partition as a clue to compromise their own worth in order to get a man.

What if women said to themselves: I cannot get a man the right way through waiting on the Lord for someone who is worthy of me. Someone who respects, loves, and wants all of me, and not just my body. So, therefore, I am going to change who I am as a woman of honor, class, and integrity, and lower my standards to just have a man.

There are so many young women out there who interpret their worth to a man based solely on their bodies and that’s it. As women we bring much more to the table than our bodies. Our bodies are the icing on the cake the extra. We should bank on bringing more to the table to form a healthy relationship with a man than just our bodies.

What if women interpreted the partition to be the boundaries that are set in place to protect women: The word of God, accountability, not placing one’s-self in compromising situations as to give way to sin.

There is a scripture that says remove not the old landmark, and enter not into the fields of the fatherless (Proverbs 23:10). A landmark is a boundary or a dividing line. The purpose of the landmark is to protect the ownership of property.

Fathers represent protection, structure, purpose, security, and order which when in proper place, they bring about safety, security, and peace in a home. In other words this scripture is saying not to remove those boundaries that we’re set up of old to protect the structure of the family or whatever needs to be protected. Without the proper boundaries, the result will be chaos, lack of order, and the complete opposite of what fathers are supposed to bring.

This is what we currently see as it pertains to relationships and the structure of the home.

There is chaos in not being able to form healthy relationships with one another, but only relationships where women are being used. Men trained to be sex animals, but not to be men and to take on the responsibility of manhood protecting, covering, godly leaders, and providers.

The chaos doesn’t stop at not being able to form healthy relationships with men. It continues into the rest of the home with disorder, lack of fear for authority, violence, young men growing up wild not knowing how to harness their emotions. Young girls growing up seeking for what she should have gotten in her father in men who use her.

Lastly, instead of children coming into the world with a jump on things financially and stability-wise, they are forced to grow up in homes where poverty is a common theme.

Contrary to popular culture that always seeks to push or remove the boundaries set up to protect us. Boundaries are very important because they show us that there is a right way to do things and a wrong way to do things and the results will be more favorable when we hold up the boundaries that God has set in place for us. If anyone knows how to protect us it’s God who made us and who knows all things.

What if women began to remove those boundaries and let the men in who are so easily available. Would she be happy in the end? The man would get what he wants, but what about the woman? The woman would in turn become what the man wants and lose her own-self in return. I don’t think that is a fair exchange.

We would do better just simply waiting for someone who is willing to step up to the plate and work together with us to protect us, to hold up the boundaries we’ve set in place, and in turn when the time is right after a foundation has been built on real love, commitment, selflessness, and God’s covenant of marriage can the partition go up and the cabaret show can then begin.

As women, our responsibility is to help the men (Genesis 2:18). Women help men when women hold up a standard to these men. When a woman holds up a standard it forces men to have to make a decision. Either he will fall-off from pursuing her out of respect because he sees her intentions don’t match his or he will become challenged by her standard and come up to her standard. Either way she will have been respected and remains in position to receive God’s best for her.

Men cannot help the fact that they are visually stimulated, but women can help men in dealing with that by carrying ourselves in an attractive, yet appropriate manner not un-classy, and not sexually stimulating unless it is in the privacy of marriage between a husband and wife.

Women have to be careful not to become confused as to what the image of a powerful woman looks like. In the world, when women do not get their way, they find ways to manipulate men mainly with their bodies. However, our power does not come from us being able to control or manipulate men with our bodies. Real-men are attracted to more than a woman’s body.

Real-men are attracted to her mind, her sass or wit, self-respect, confidence, fear for God, willingness to learn, skills, gifts, ability to nurture, and more. If your body is the best asset that you have to offer a man, than don’t be surprised if a man treats you in that manner.

Women in the kingdom of God, when they don’t get their way continue to play the position that God has given them to play. She knows her role well. She knows that her role is to help the man, to be a builder, to build up with her tongue, holding her tongue when she is tempted to speak out of bitterness, or rage.

Instead of holding bitterness in her heart towards men putting them down, she guards her heart and prays for the men that she sees out of position. She doesn’t encourage ungodly behavior in men, but carries herself to demand respect and accepts nothing less. She embraces her sexuality with wisdom and the fear of the Lord holding out until the appropriate time. She knows her purpose and focuses on that instead of wasting time with riotous activity.

If she is married to a husband she doesn’t withhold sex, she continues to submit to her husband which is another discussion. She continues to respect him, not talking down to him in any way. After a while, the man will notice these things and began to change or fall off.

The bible says that a woman who continues to honor her husband has a greater chance at winning her husband over (1 Peter 3:1ii). Basically, this scripture expresses the power of a woman’s influence when she plays the position that God has given her to play.

Single women can take a lesson from 1 Peter 3:1 and continue to maintain the position God has given us by continuing to honor and respect ourselves. When women are in their appropriate position, it forces men to take notice, and either to line up or ship out, and that is what we need as virtuous women of God who are waiting on God.

We need to know who we are and to continue to play our role holding up a standard to help men to hold up their standard of man-hood, to encourage men in that, to crown the one’s who walk out that standard of a man well with honor and respect, and then in God’s plan and order we will get what we want as women.

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives. – 1 Peter 3:1 (KJV)

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews 13:4 (KJV)

Disclaimer: You may want to watch the Partition video by Beyonce’ in order to fully understand the blog, but please be warned it is explicit. If you are a male you will not have your mind on Jesus once the video is over. Watch at your own risk or not.