When we find ourselves in dishonor, we can be assured that the next step is losing that very thing that we dishonored unless we re-evaluate ourselves and get ourselves in order. We see people losing things through dishonor all the time.

Marriages dissolve because either one party or both parties decide to dishonor their covenant. The dishonor and devaluing of women by men that bring the worth of the woman down to only physical, makes it hard to acquire healthy relationships outside of just the physical alone. The dishonoring of men as the head of the household in a marriage causes a lack of stability and often results in loss of some kind. The dishonoring of paying a car note leads to losing the car and so on.

There is a story found in Matthew 25:14-19 that tells the story of three men who were given talents. The first two men who were given talents honored the fact that they had received the talents and faithfully used them to the point of gaining other talents. However, one of the gentlemen hid his talent dishonoring his Lord who had given it to him and he hid it as he forgot about it altogether. When the time to reckon came, those who we’re faithful in honoring the talents they had, received additional talents. While the one who dishonored his Lord had his one talent taken away and he was judged for dishonoring his Lord.

When someone dishonors something they used something for a purpose other than what it was intended to be used for and they bring that person or thing that they are using down to a value that it was not intended.

For example, someone who misuses God’s grace. When we dishonor God through practicing sin we separate ourselves from God (Isaiah 59:2ii). It causes us to lose a level of fellowship with him. It’s like if somebody who curses you out calling you all types of the B-word and such. Naturally, you are not going to be best friends with that person who talks to you in such a demeaning way until some type of reconciliation takes place. If there is no place for reconciliation then a severing will take place.

As a woman of God, I should honor myself as such. When a man pursues me and isn’t honoring me and has no intentions to do so, then he has to be cut short. I met a young man who I recently started to get to know. I saw several red-flags of dishonor in him. Although he was full of God’s word, he did not honor God nor his laws. He repeated how God’s laws are written on our hearts, but his heart ignored that fact as he said that God turned a blind eye toward sin and no longer judged it.

He did not fear, respect, nor honor God, and therefore I knew that he would not honor me. Not only did he not honor God, but he did not honor himself. He said he’d jump to the opportunity of a woman who would be willing to have sex with him despite the lack of the marriage commitment.

So now, we have the dishonoring of God, God’s grace, and commandments, his own body, which is to be used to worship Christ pointing people to God instead of to fornicate, and women in general as opportunities to get some.

God’s word teaches that people who willfully walk in dishonor to his laws will not inherit the things that should come naturally to those in the kingdom of God.

“Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed. You were sanctified. You were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. (1 Corinthians 6:9-11)”

God goes on to say elsewhere in his word that those who are lukewarm instead of either hot or cold he will spew out of his mouth, and finally his word says a double-minded man (someone who is trying to worship God and their flesh), will not receive anything from God.

If God does not tolerate a certain level of dishonor, why should we as his kids tolerate it. Therefore, my only resolve was to cut the ties with the gentlemen. After three days of talking, I was invited to take a trip to Vegas or California with the gentlemen, which I refused, and after 5 days I was invited twice to meet up and cuddle with the gentlemen, whom I was only trying to get to know we weren’t in a relationship stage yet at all, and the way that things were going we were not going to be.

I genteelly let the brother know that we cannot talk anymore. That I did not want to compromise my position of who God called me to be. He told me that my standard was too high as I thought to myself, his standard was too low for a man of God. If he had of been in the world however, he would have hit the mark just fine.

The whole point is as men and women of God we need to honor ourselves as men and women of God. When we honor ourselves, we will not allow someone else to come and dishonor who God has called us to be. I honor the fact that I am consecrated to the Lord and that all of my decisions revolve around him because he has set me apart to give him glory.

I honor the Lord. I don’t feel like the gentlemen that God has for me will cause me to compromise, but he will honor his position as a man and protect me instead of putting me in harms way. In addition, he will honor his position as a man of God and lead us closer to God instead of further away from God.

It was right for the gentlemen that I spoke with to lose a chance with me because he did not honor me. As a woman, God would not have me to dishonor myself allowing anyone access to my cookie-jar. I am precious to God, and he has reserved a man of honor for me. Therefore, the cookie-jar remains locked on clank clank mode until that man of honor is revealed.

The best part about honor is it’s a two-way street. When you honor others you receive honor yourself, and when you honor God he will honor you. God’s word says in Psalms 18:25 to the faithful, God will show himself faithful (NIV). In other words, when you choose honor you put yourself in a win win situation.

Sometimes, the devil will try to make it seem as if those who have been taking a stand for God honoring him in their decisions have been doing so in vain, but that is a lie. God will show himself faithful to those who show themselves faithful to him. Honor is a key in life that will take you places that you otherwise would not have been able to go.

In sum, what we honor we retain and grow in those areas, but what we dishonor we lose. If we do not want to lose ourselves we need to honor ourselves, if we do not want to lose close fellowship with God we need to honor our fellowship with God by being obedient to him and we will inherit his promises, if we do not want to lose a chance with a man or woman of interest we ought to honor that man or woman of interest.

For the kingdom of heaven is as a man travelling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods. And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey.

Then he that had received the five talents went and traded with the same, and made them other five talents. And likewise he that had received two, he also gained other two. But he that had received one went and digged in the earth, and hid his lord’s money.

After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them. And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more.

His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. He also that had received two talents came and said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them.

His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strawed:

And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine. His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed: Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury.

Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents. For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath. Matthew 25:14-29 (KJV)

But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear. Isaiah 59:2

Recently, I went on a trip to Las Vegas and some tried to discourage me from going alluding to the idea that Vegas was not a place for me. It was a place only for those who wanted to get drunk, high, and screw. My response was that it depends on the person.

The Bible makes it clear that when men are tempted, they are drawn away by their own lust and enticement (James 1:14). In short, a person cannot be drawn into temptation by something that they do not want. If I don’t want to get drunk, get high, and screw men who aren’t my husband, then I don’t have to worry about being drawn into that temptation. The desires that are in you determine your temptation and what you will respond to.

With that understanding, we have to examine ourselves under the guidance of the Holy Spirit and the word of God. The word of God is our standard for our lives. We have to ask ourselves are we walking in the spirit or in our flesh. The Bible talks about those who walk in the spirit will not fulfill the lust of the flesh. It also says they that belong to Christ have crucified the flesh and the lust thereof (Galatians 5:24).

If currently as a believer, you know that you have not crucified your flesh and the lust that comes naturally to your flesh, then wisdom would say to delay the trip until your flesh is fully submitted to Christ to the point where you don’t desire sin or you may simply decide at that point not to go at all in order to prevent a door from being opened that would cause you to walk in the flesh.

The life of a true believer is not to be in bondage to several different rules or laws needing to be told what to do and not to do, but to get to a place of maturity in Christ where through the word of God, fellowship of the Holy Spirit, and the five-fold ministry, (Apostles, prophets, Pastors, teachers, evangelists, Ephesians 4:11-13[i]), a person would be honest with him or herself to make an appropriate decision where God will be glorified and the flesh will remain in submission to the Word of God.

The conclusion of this blog post is for each person to make an individual and honest examination of where he or she is as it relates to his or her own flesh, to practice wisdom and discernment once that conclusion is drawn, and lastly seek the Lord concerning every decision.

The word of God teaches us to acknowledge God in all of our ways and he will direct our path. When we seek God in prayer about where we go and what we plan to do he will either give us peace or let us know to take another route.

There may be times where God will warn you by placing an unrest in your spirit regarding going somewhere or doing something. Just seek God, and be honest and real regarding all you do. Everything goes back to the foundation of believers which is developing your own personal walk and relationship with Christ through his word, prayer, and the community of sound and mature believers.

What are your desires or the things that grab your attention and draw you in? How is God leading you to deal with those areas?

But each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death (James 1:14-15).

[i] “And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: 13 Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ (Ephesians 4:11-13).”

For One, just because you grew up in a rough or unfair situation doesn’t mean you have to make poor choices for yourself and then blame others.
Each person is responsible for his or her own actions. Before I became a Christian, I had in my mind to do something completely different with my life that was contrary to the Word of God and the way of the Lord. What I was going to do with my life was also contrary to my well being and self respect. I remember as a kid blaming the circumstances around me and such, but the truth is we all go through negative and unfair circumstances. We all have imperfect parents and lack certain things that we need and desire, but everyone doesn’t make the same choice. Some people make healthy choices while others make detrimental choices. The reality is the choice is yours. If God gave you enough grace to get through a situation then he must want you to live through it and on past it. The situation was not allowed to destroy you or to take you out, but to make you strong, to show you what you can overcome and help someone else to overcome. So, don’t be selfish and destroy yourself somebody needs you.

Two, never judge God based on how people who say they know him treat you. Unfortunately, we live in an imperfect world with imperfect people who don’t always know how to act. We tend to learn about God from other people before we establish our own relationship with God. Sometimes that results in truth and other times it results in questions and skewed perceptions of what is acceptable or unacceptable to God. However, rather than be confused, why not open up your own Bible and seek God in prayer for yourself. In sum, if you want to know about ,God go to the source. At the end of the day we are all imperfect people in need of God’s grace. Try not to put people on a pedal stool but allow them grace and room to make mistakes as you would yourself.

Three, I had to learn to love myself and to realize that I cannot allow a person too much power over me.
I remember as a very young woman having a dialogue with someone I thought I loved, who insulted me because of who I was and how I carried myself. They said things like you are too opinionated, you have too much Jesus in you and insult after insult came diminishing who I was to the point where I began to believe it. I planned on getting some sleeping peels and taking them all, but the Holy Spirit led me to calm down and call one of my friends and I cried on the phone as I told her how tired I was of myself. I just wanted to die. My friend encouraged me and prayed and that’s when the lesson of loving myself before others first stood out to me. I was so busy trying to love someone else and find acceptance among that person, but I had not really learned to love and accept myself which caused me to give him too much power over me to the point of rejecting myself.

What are some of the lessons you have learned in life?

Are Christians erasing the line in the sand that separates the broad path from the strait and narrow path?

Those who read the Bible are familiar with the scripture that says broad is the way that leads to destruction and many there be that travel that path, but strait and narrow is the way that leads to eternal life and few take that path. (Matthew 7:14)

It is not hard to notice that the world has been borrowing religious terminology and using it in their songs. I don’t even have to name names. There are several prominent rappers who have songs referring to church, the devil being a liar, Amen, Jesus piece, and more recently a rap song called Holy Ghost by Young Jeezy and Kendrick Lamar. I believe that to someone who does not read their Bible nor have a solid relationship with God already, it would be hard to tell what is right from what is wrong or what is God from what is simply a religious appearance.

The song, “Holy Ghost”, intros with a sound bite from one of T.D. Jakes’ sermons without his permission. I believe that having T.D. Jakes on the song adds creditability to what the rappers are saying whether it is wrong or right.

That is why I am so proud of T.D. Jakes for taking a stand sharing on his social media sites that he has not given permission for the use of his sermon on the song and he is also taking legal action to remedy the situation. Many Christians would say that he should not sue or that he is only suing for the attention or the money, but I would argue that he is suing to maintain that he is not in agreement with taking the Holy Ghost, who is the third person of the God-head, in vain as something common when the Holy Ghost is God himself.

It is a scary and fearful thing to take the Holy Spirit for granted and to take God’s name in vain. The Bible shares that those who blaspheme the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, so it is very important to hold him in high regard (Mark 5:29).

Pastor Jakes had a choice to make. He could have just accepted the notoriety that came along from being on a prominent song, but he chose different. He chose to draw the line.

The question of whether Christians are erasing the line in the sand between what is God’s way or the broad way can also be asked of some of the participants on the popular television show, “Preachers of L.A.” The alluding to or lack of clarity thereof when it comes to sex outside of marriage seems to be a big question-mark on the show.

For example, the defensiveness that came about regarding Bishop Gibson’s questioning Bishop Jones and Loretta’s relationship, and the drama that surrounded the question of shacking up and pregnancy before marriage.

Where there is lack of clarity when dealing with sin, there is always room for compromise. The Bible teaches us to avoid the very appearance of evil. If the number one thing for a minister to do is to please God, then I do not believe their should be room for question when it comes to dealing with sin because someone is going to be misled.

Keeping the lines drawn as believers does not call for perfection. It calls for realness, sincerity, and honesty between one-self’s and God. No one is out to condemn. The Bible already doesn’t condemn us, but gives us an advocate through Christ that we can cover ourselves in. This blog-post is not to condemn, but to bring attention to our intentions and how they are being used to either help someone come closer to God or end up further away from God.

Let’s not take for granted that we are already saved and forget about everyone else. We are called to be living sacrifices. That means that sometimes we have to deny ourselves, what we want, and how we will be benefited for the cause of Christ.

There was a person in the Bible who was pursued for his influence of God’s people. His name was Balaam. The king of Moab named Balak wanted to defeat God’s people Israel.

After seeking God about how to proceed, Balaam still pondered in his heart the compensation that he would receive if he only entertained Balak’s agenda instead of God’s agenda.

Later on in the Bible, it came out that Balaam had counseled Balak to entice Israel to commit fornication because it was only then that Israel could be defeated by other armies (Numbers 31:16). Later, we see the children of Israel committing sin and the judgment of God falling upon them (Numbers 25).

Let’s not be double-minded like Balaam causing a stumbling-block for others to sin through ungodly counsel, but let’s be like Bishop Jakes who has made it clear where he stands.

When I speak to a group of young people and share my testimony, I always incorporate Psalms 18:29-32. When I was 17-18 years old. I used to run a prayer group at the community college that I attended, and sometimes it would just be one, two, or three of us in their praying. Well, I remember one time I was in their praying, and God gave me Psalms 18:29 that says by my God have I run through a troop and by his strength have I leaped over walls. I looked it up and noticed what it meant.

Troops represent war and people or things positioned against you to defeat you, and walls represent obstacles. There are several obstacles set up against young people and people in general to take them away from God, destroy their witness, fellowship with the Lord, and peace of mind in general, but through God David said in Psalms 18 that he has overcome those things. Psalms 18 went on to say as for God his way is perfect. He is a shield and buckler for those that put their trust in him.

This scripture brings us to our first way to avoid pitfalls in our youth and that is through embracing the commandments of the Lord, and trusting in God’s way.
When we trust in God and his perfect way, our path is then made secure. We can hide in God and he will indeed cover us. There is no stumbling or falling at all in the way of the Lord because it is perfect, we only stumble and fall when we get in our flesh because of the weak nature of our flesh.

That is why God’s word tells us to walk in the Spirit and we will not fulfill the lust of the flesh (Gal 5:16). It also says for us to abide in Christ and we will bring forth good fruit. When we get into our flesh and start making various mistakes, we need to focus on taking hold of God’s hand of grace and his grace brings us back to that place in God where we need to be. We are secure doing things his way.

The second way to avoid pitfalls as a young person is to humble yourself.
The word of God is clear that pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall (Proverbs 16:18). Don’t be so quick to think that you know better. Even in your adulthood, humility needs to be practiced. Don’t lean to your own understanding, experiences, and way of thinking.

Always consult God on every matter in prayer. Always be willing to ask an older/wiser person. God will give you discernment whether certain advice is appropriate or not. It’s better to learn certain things through listening and someone else’s example whether than repeating the same mistakes because of hardheadedness.

Make God more important then anything in life.
The Bible says that if you love me you will keep my commandments. When we love someone we consider them and what they mean to us before we make certain decisions. That love for God can keep us out of a lot of trouble. Focus on developing your relationship with God. Learn how to seek him diligently. Learn how to hear his voice and follow him.

Know who you are in Christ.
This is a learning process. You have to understand that you are not like everyone else. You have your own specific calling in life, and that is what you need to stick to. It doesn’t matter if people reject you, do not understand you, or attempt to pressure you into being something that you are not. If you know who you are in Christ, you will stick to that and it will take you places that other people cannot go.

You will be covered from certain things that you see your friends go through because it wasn’t meant for you. I think about the mother of King Lemuel in Proverbs 31. His mother told him not to give his youthful strength and vigor to women or to strong drink because those things destroy kings.

She instilled in him who he was saying that he was a king. He was called to a higher calling. She told him his task was not to drink and to forget the laws of God, but that he would be used to plead the law for the needy and those who are less fortunate than him. Finally, she went on to tell him the type of woman that he should choose which is a virtuous woman.

How do you not know that your calling in Christ will not help many people? How do you not know if someone is watching and waiting for you to embrace who you are so that they can be encouraged and delivered out of their dilemma? Stand firm in who Christ has called you to be.

Began to develop an ear for the truth. Learn how to love wisdom and instruction. Be attentive to it every time you hear it. The Bible talks about how wisdom will guide you and protect you and give you honor and grace through out your life with many days:

“6 Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you. 7 Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. 8 Esteem her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you. 9 She will set a garland of grace on your head and present you with a crown of splendor.” 10 Listen, my son, accept what I say, and the years of your life will be many.” Proverbs 4:6-16 (NIV)

When I first got saved at the age of 12, I did not have anyone to pour directly into my life. My family was not as close together so I did not have a close relationship with grandparents, aunts, or uncles to pour into me. My parents did the best they could, but I learned a lot about the Lord through television and radio. We did not go to church consistently as a young person therefore media about God was my main outlet for learning until I began to read God’s word for myself. I began to develop an ear for the truth listening to the likes of Lisa Bevere, Out of Eden, John Echardt, Angie Ray, and so many others via media. It wasn’t until I was 17 that I started going to church consistently.

I will throw in an extra one in here and that is to keep in community of like-minded believers. When a person hangs around mature people they will become more mature, however the Bible says that the companion of fools will be destroyed (Proverbs 13:20, KJV) .

Due to the lack of maturity and seriousness when it comes to covering our brother or sister’s heart, many have been left wounded, bitter, and angry with their opinion of a gender defined by the many negative experiences that have occurred.

Hence, the sayings: All men are dogs, and other unflattering references to women. King Solomon, in the Bible had a similar generalization:

His words regarding women:

“I find more bitter than death
the woman who is a snare,
whose heart is a trap
and whose hands are chains.
The man who pleases God will escape her,
but the sinner she will ensnare (Ecclesiastics 7:26).”

King Solomon appears to be bitter and imbalanced in his statement above like many women and men who have been hurt by failed relationships. You remember how you felt when that man or woman dogged you out and then you got on the phone with a sister/brother who went through the same thing. You had your amen corner while you became eaten up with anger, bitterness, and distrust.

You allowed that situation or those situations to shape your outlook of men/women and instead of you healing, the anger began to grow. The good news is a person in that situation does not have to stay there. King Solomon did not stay there. He began to examine himself and realize that women are not all bad. It is just the choice of women that he had chosen to entertain.

King Solomon had 1,000 wives. Of course, he is going to have some grievances with women. Solomon went against the commandment of God and took wives who worshiped other gods. Therefore, what was important to Solomon was not important to them because they had their own gods to please. He had set himself up.

The prevalent selfishness, instant gratification, and unwillingness to work at a healthy relationship nowadays has caused many to set themselves up in relationships that are destined to fell in the beginning and causes a cycle of constant hurt over and over again just with different people. People allow this cycle to take place in their lives over and again simply for the sake of being in a relationship. A period of healing is not an opportunity to get caught up again. It’s an opportunity to reflect and make a better choice next time.

We have to learn to get past the hurt, the bitterness, and negative. God has healing for us and when we are healed we are in a place to receive God’s best. Solomon had gotten to the point where he said out of a thousand women he could not find one upright woman, but out of a thousand men he could at least find one upright man (Ecclesiastics 7:27-28). Again, the imbalance is eluded to because of his situation. He believes there aren’t any upright women, but then one day he comes to the conclusion of what God says and he states that God has made both man and woman upright, but they have sought out their own inventions (Ecclesiastics 7:29).

In other words, God has made both men and women with the capacity to make the right decisions, but they have chosen to search out their own way, and that is why we see the chaos between men and women that we see today.

God wants to heal that anger, bitterness and pain. He wants to give us the hope that is found only in him. What we see today is a direct result of the neglect of God’s way of doing things. It is all too prevalent throughout the scriptures that when God’s people did things God’s way, the results were surpassing in greatness, but when they rebelled and went their own way, chaos and all types of bondage ensued.

The whole conclusion of the matter is this to Fear God and to keep his commandments (Ecclesiastics 12:1). When we put God first in our dealings with the opposite sex and every other area of our life, we cannot help but to prosper. We have to work on getting our minds renewed according to God’s word.

God’s word says that we would prosper and be in health as our soul prospers1. Our soul is our mind, will, emotions, and intellect. As we align those areas of our lives with God’s word, our world will begin to change, and our perception like King Solomon will begin to change as healing and preparation for God’s best ensues.

1Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. 3 John 1:2

I was emailed an article by one of my close friends. My friend’s message read, “This article makes me so mad.” I knew I was in for something then. I read the article at the following link: http://www.xojane.com/sex/true-love-waits-pledge?utm_source=yourtango&utm_medium=mainlink&utm_medium=syndication

The next day,  I noticed the same article in my Facebook news feed on a blog that I enjoy following.  That is when I knew I had to write a response to the article.

The first thing that I noticed wrong with the article is that the author is allowing other people to think for her instead of thinking for herself. It’s OK when you are a child to be controlled in a sense to be guided by the hand into a certain direction. However, when a person grows into maturity that person needs to become solid in his own belief system for himself. That is a part of maturity. If at ten years old, a girl is taught that only girls should save sex for marriage and not boys she isn’t expected to question it, but as an older adult, that same girl should pick up the Bible and read for herself what it says about being sexually pure until marriage. If she would have done that she would have found that the Bible is not bias toward women only teaching for women to be abstinent until marriage, but it also teaches the same for men.

The Bible clearly says:

But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband (1 Corinthians 7:2, NIV).

I first found out about waiting until marriage to have sex at approximately 5 years of age myself. I remember my parents had a black board writing down the various things that we should stay away from i.e. oudji boards, pre-marital sex, necromancy and such of which I knew nothing about. At the time my demeanor was whatever I want to go to sleep Lol.

When I became older I opened up the Bible for myself and found that waiting until marriage to have sex wasn’t just something that the preacher said. It was something that God wanted us to do (1 Thessalonians 4:3[i], 1 Corinthians 6:18[ii]).

What the writer is leaving out is the fact that she waited until marriage and was spared from some of the heartache that she could have experienced from giving her body completely away to someone who may not have had good intentions toward her.

Now she is in a safe and secure marriage commitment where her husband honors her, nourishes her, cares for her and seeks for her safety. That is clear from the blog that she wrote. Many people wish they had that, but many are not able to attain that because our culture today has become more sex crazed than love and commitment crazed and that is a great benefit that she has gotten through waiting until marriage.

The reality is when a person chooses to obey God or to fear God, whether they understand why or not that person will be preserved from certain things, and that person will reap certain benefits.

On the contrary, when a person chooses to knowingly disobey God and not to fear God, which means to place what he says above all else that person will have to endure some hard things and the sad thing is sometimes people never escape from those hard things (Isaiah 1:19-20[iii]).

When I first made the choice to wait until marriage to have sex. I did not have a big support system behind me. As a matter of fact, when I was older my dad had my brothers and I watch a special that promoted using a condom if sex was a choice before marriage, and my mom did not know what to tell me. My dad did eventually bring up what he called the 3F club meaning to Find her, Freak her, and to Forget her. At that time, my self-esteem was so low, I did not care about a 3F club. I was more concerned with being wanted by a guy. I wasn’t going to church because I wasn’t raised in the church. What I did have was the fear of the Lord and a personal relationship with God himself. I looked into God’s word for myself and found out what his will was even though I did not understand why, I chose to be obedient.

It wasn’t until I was older, that I noticed the benefits of my decision. I am one of the most focused people that I know. I have learned to find my identity for myself and not based on how guys see me or if they want sex from me. I don’t have to worry about any STDs because I ain’t giving it up, nor do I have to focus on being a single mother because I haven’t made any babies.

The bible tells us that when we allow ourselves to play with sexual immorality that we are doing ourselves a disservice. It clearly states when you practice sexually immorality you sin against yourself. Hence, intense and unnecessary heartbreak, and STDs among other things.

Through depending on other people and their opinions of what God’s word teaches us about sex, the author has left the facts out about what God’s word teaches as it relates to sex and she has done the very same thing that she accuses church people of and that is to teach personal opinion as the Word of God.

God’s word teaches that sex is a good thing. It was actually created by God who created our bodies in such a detailed and thoughtful manner. It is the Bible that says that a man should allow his wife’s breast to satisfy him and to rejoice with the wife of his youth.

“A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love..” (Proverbs 5:19, NIV)

It is the Bible that encourages sex to overflow only between the husband and wife not to be shared with anyone else. In other words, sex between a married couple should be like a well that never ends and always satisfies. It should not be shared with anyone else.

“Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.” (Proverbs 5:15-18, NIV)

The bible doesn’t only teach that a woman should get with her husband, but it also teaches that a man should get down with his wife. The both of them should be satisfied in God’s eyes. (1 Corinthians 7:3[iv])

It is ignorant people who make married people feel ashamed to have sex, not God nor the church as a whole. God’s word says that there is nothing dirty or unclean about the marriage bed. (Hebrews 13:4[v]) The author should have been having sex to enjoy her husband all along.

The woman who wrote this article sounds very imbalanced and somewhat bitter toward those who probably had her best interest at heart. So what! They may not have communicated it in the best way. That is why as an adult you study God’s word for yourself. I’m sure the woman who authored this article isn’t perfect either.

Instead of being bitter and angry toward those who attempted to teach her she, should be thankful that an interest was taken in her and that she has a healthy marriage at this point. The dissatisfaction and confusion the author experienced cannot be blamed on the fact that she waited to have sex, but the confusion and lack of understanding that she endured.

Another important point about the article is when the author makes a statement diminishing the judgment of God toward the sins of pre-marital sex and adultery implying that one cannot go to hell for such things. The author has no authority to speak on whether a person will go to hell for such things or not because she is not God and doesn’t have the authority to judge.

God has the authority to judge and his judgments are clearly written in his word. I would not dare take a chance on what she says versus what God says.

On the questions for how far is too far to go while dating, when a person develops a relationship with God, the Holy Spirit will lead and guide us into all truth. A believer does not have to ask when she is dating if a man should touch her breast among other things. She would have a relationship with the Spirit of the Lord who will lead her.

Other people should not be blamed for a failed responsibility to learn and grow in God for one’s-self. The flesh is written all over this article and it can be taken as very offensive. My last thoughts for anyone facing a similar situation is to learn, grow, and to mature in Christ.

The one thing that I can agree with the author on is that it is a personal decision whether to obey God’s word in waiting until marriage or not, and God even though he is God, does not force us to obey him. He gives us a choice, but with that choice comes either benefits or consequences, and whatever choice we make we have to be willing to live with them.

[i] It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; (1 Thessalonians 4:3, KJV)

[ii] Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. (1 Corinthians 6:18, NIV)

[iii] If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the good things of the land: 20 but if you resist and rebel,
   you will be devoured by the sword.” For the mouth of the Lord has spoken. ( Isaiah 1:19-20, NIV)

[iv]  The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:3, NIV)

[v] Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. (Hebrews 13:4, KJV)

Fasting and prayer is one of the most important parts of a believer’s life, but it often is not talked about or emphasized. There are so many benefits that come with fasting and prayer that are both natural and spiritual (see 5 reasons to fast and pray). Some of those benefits include clearer skin, cleansing of the body from toxins and unnecessary waste, healing, a clarity of thought, weight-loss, and a closer walk with the Lord. Although I am not an expert, I will share some tips that I have learned during the course of fasting through the years.

Don’t try to fast like someone else.
Fast like God gives you the grace to fast. The Bible talks about how every man has been given a level of grace (Romans 12:6). Many people want a pattern when they fast and therefore they look up Daniel’s fast or they try to fast like the Pastor when that may not be your calling. Fasting is personal between you and God. It’s not to impress other people, and other people should not lord over you their ability to fast forcing you to fast like them.

As long as you walk in the Spirit acknowledging God about your fast there is no condemnation to you (Romans 8:1.) You should never feel condemned for not being able to fast like someone else.

It is common to become under spiritual attack when you decide to fast. Jesus was attacked by Satan on his fast being led into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil (Matthew 4:1-11).

Daniel was attacked on his fast with not getting an answer right away (Daniel 10:11-13), and we will be attacked as well. Some of the strangest thoughts come to my mind during a fast, but you have to press pass the attack and continue to set yourself apart to seek the Lord and deny your flesh.

Ask God for wisdom on how to fast.
It is amazing how much easier everything in life becomes when we acknowledge God concerning those things. Proverbs 3:5-6 says for us not to lean to our own understanding, but it tells us to acknowledge God in all of our ways and he will direct our path. It is not uncommon for people to only acknowledge God in certain segments of their lives while leaving many important segments up to their own discretion.

The danger in not humbling yourself enough to seek God in certain areas is leaving those areas to be handled on our own accord in our own strength without God’s grace. The Bible clearly says that he resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble (1Peter 5:5). It is a proud thing not to acknowledge God. It is equivalent to saying I got this Lord, I don’t need you for this.

That is why many people fell in not only fasting, but in various areas of their lives. Finally, I want to share Jeremiah 33:3 which says “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”

We should have an expectation when we approach God and ask him for wisdom knowing that he will answer us. Also read James 1:5[i].

Ask other trusted people who have successfully fasted for tips.
Other people can be a wealth of information and aid in helping you during your fast. This is a good way for new people to get started as well as children under the supervision of an older trusted adult.

Don’t fast like the hypocrites.
“Moreover when ye fast, be not, as the hypocrites, of a sad countenance: for they disfigure their faces, that they may appear unto men to fast. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward (Matthew 6:16).” Fasting to show off or to appear deep is just like the equivalent of not fasting at all. God is not pleased with that neither will he honor that sort of fast.

Fast with someone.
A person can go on a corporate fast fasting with churches or friends. This is a way to make it fun and to provide some support for strength as you complete your fast.

Make a list or journal what you are fasting for or what your prayer focus will be. Also ask God for the spirit of consecration which means to set yourself apart for him.

Below are some general types of fasts:

3-Day liquid fast: A person normally drinks water, or some sort of juice that will not bloat them. I had to learn that I could not drink a lot of apple juice on a fast because my stomach at one time had become so bloated, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Fresh tea can be brewed as a liquid and fresh fruit can be juiced instead of store bought juice to eliminate unnecessary sugars while fasting. A friend of mine gave me the tip about brewing my own tea, and juicing my own fruit because I would buy bottled green tea, vitamin water, or V8 juice and drink those along with water.

7 – Day Liquid Fast: See Above

Fruit, Veggies, and whole grain for 21- days: This is one of my favorites. The last time I did this fast I found a recipe for avocado salad and had that with beans, and cornbread. That’s what I mean by prepare a meal. I have several ideas for meals for this type of fast. pre-planning what you will eat and or drink keeps you faithful to your fast.

1 – Day liquid fast: See Above.

Really a person can do various variations of fasts. At my old church when a fruit and veggie fast was done fish would be eaten on the weekend. Just stick with whatever the plan was in the beginning. A person should know their own bodies and what they can handle. It may be necessary for some people on certain medications to check with their doctors regarding fasting.

Pray, pray, and then pray some more. Listen to the word of God or godly preaching in your car on the way to work. Read your Bible. Limit or eliminate watching television, social media, talking on the phone in order to focus in on God.

I hope these tips helped anyone wanting to learn a little more about fasting. What are some of your tips for fasting and prayer? Do you have any meal plans or suggestions for fasting? What has been your experience in attempting to fast and pray?

[i] If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5

For discipline:
Discipline is extremely important in the life of believers. Sometimes the value of discipline can be lost because many Christians focus on the fact that Jesus Christ brings liberty to believers not to be under laws and rules that bring about no profit. However, just because we are not in bondage to certain laws does not mean that we should forsake all discipline and boundaries that keep us from flirting with sin. Some boundaries are necessary in order for us not to be mastered or overcome by sin or any unhealthy habit through taking our freedom in Christ for granted.

Apostle Paul makes this statement in 1 Corinthians 6:12 which I will include several versions for emphasis on what he is saying:

“I have the right to do anything, but not everything is beneficial. I have the right to do anything, but I will not be mastered by anything.” (NIV)

I am allowed to do anything, but not everything is good for me. And even though , I am allowed to do anything, I must not become a slave to anything. (NLT)

“All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be dominated by anything.” (ESV)

Apostle Paul understood that even though we are free in Christ from various laws, discipline and the practice of obedience is still necessary. He mentions this in a similar passage found in Romans 6:12

“Let not Sin therefore reign as king in your mortal bodies, causing you to be in subjection to their cravings.” (New Testament in Modern Speech, Weymouth)

In short, the practice of discipline, prevents us from being in bondage to things. Some of those things may even be good things that can turn into bad things for us if we allow ourselves to be controlled by it.

For Balance :
Balance is similar to discipline. Balance becomes the result of practicing discipline. It’s so easy to get off in our balance concerning several areas of our lives including eating the wrong foods, not exercising our bodies, not reading our bibles, becoming too busy to pray as we should, or wrong-thinking. These types of imbalances can cause serious harm to our lives spiritually, physically, and emotionally in the future.

Imbalance doesn’t always seem dangerous immediately. It is often pleasurable to eat anything you want, not work out when you don’t want to, watch TV or go hang out instead of read your Bible and pray, but that is a very unhealthy way to live all of the time, and it’s often a sign that fasting and prayer is necessary.

When you fast and pray it forces you to have to make time to read your bible and to pray because you can’t do everything like you used to when you weren’t fasting because you are denying yourself to get close to the Lord. After the fast, you should have trained yourself to become more balanced as well as increased your desire to read the Word and pray, and finally have a healthier eating life which will benefit you in the present as well as in the future.

For Focus:
It is so easy to forget God especially in America where pleasures and instant gratification often takes priority in addition to the busyness of life such as working, volunteering, going to church paying bills, and socializing.

The Bible warns of a falling away in the last days (1 Timothy 4:1). It also says that in the last days people will be lovers of pleasure more than they are lovers of God. It goes on to talk about those having their conscience seared with a hot iron, which means to become callous to the point of just going through the motions until you do not care anymore.

These scriptures are directed at Christians or believers warning us not to fall away or to become hardened toward the things of God or the truth. We have to pray for God to give us a clean heart and to renew the right spirit in us. We have to cry out to God for humility causing us to seek him and to acknowledge and obey him in all of our ways.

One of the ways that we do not allow ourselves to be overcome with these types of distractions is to renew our minds according to God’s word. When we fast and pray we should be meditating on God’s word allowing ourselves to be cleansed by the word and re-directed from all of the distractions that come with life back to the heart and the mind of God.

Romans 8:7-8 talks about how the carnal mine is against God and those that walk according to the carnal mind cannot please God. We walk in the spirit through meditating upon God’s word. We are cleansed through God’s word (John 17:17). When we fast and pray and read God’s word, we shift our focus back unto the things of God instead of the normal circumstances of life.

We have to make a deliberate effort to remember the Lord and to focus in on him and what he did for us. Hence the need or the focus of taking communion to remember the Lord (1 Corithians 11:24.)

Because God Said So :
Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke (Isaiah 58:6)? God will call a fast forseeing things that we do not see as he did in the above scripture. I had this happen to me one time. I had planned to go out of town with my University when I was in college and a very attractive gentlemen would be sitting right next to me on the bus that we would leave on as well as rooming right new to me in the hotel. God already knowing my type, knew it would be a distraction so he prepared me by telling me to go on a fast. I did not know why I was fasting, but I just obeyed God. After everything took place on that trip and the temptation that ensued. I realized why God had put me on that fast. He wanted me to hear his voice clearly through the temptation in order to be strong enough to make the right decision.

To hear from God or Receive Instruction From God:
As shown in the previous example, fasting makes it easier to hear the voice of the Lord and/or to receive his check in your spirit. Fasting is very necessary to every believer today.

Stay Tuned for tips on fasting in my next blog.