Some men spend a lot of time and money trying to become the perfect fit of what they feel will attract a woman from shaving, purchasing suits and cologne and doing all the things that scream man, and those things are nice, but may not be the thing that makes the difference when it comes down to snagging the right type of woman.
Most women may not be physically attracted to a guy the first time she meets him so all of the physical preparation goes out the window if that is what a man was banking on to get himself the girl. A woman of God will take the time to get to know the man and she falls in love with his great traits, such as character, and genuine love and affection for her. Normally, after the guy has met the non-physical traits he becomes attractive to that woman in every way and the possibilities become endless. Below are ten of some of the sexiest traits I’ve noticed in men:
A man who follows the instruction of the Lord
This man is very attractive because he carries a certain amount of humility where he realizes he is not in control. He realizes that there is a head over him and therefore he will have fear and respect to treat his woman with because he knows that God is watching. A woman will feel safe to trust his leadership as well knowing that her husband is trusting in the Lord. When this man is wrong, a woman doesn’t have to worry that he will continue in wrong, all she has to do is pray and the Lord will deal with this man and the man will follow the Lord.
The Humble Man
The humble brother is real cool. He carries an aura of peace with him wherever he goes. He isn’t trying to compete with his lady or anyone else, but he is just thankful for who he is and what he has. Humble guys are usually hard-workers who greatly appreciate the big and little things in life. To the humble man his wife is a great jewel and she stays polished with his love bringing honor to her husband wherever she goes[i].
A respectful man
This man considers others in addition to himself. He doesn’t only consider his opinion knowing that he is only human and can be wrong at times. He treats others the way he wants to be treated whether male, female, child, or elder. Because he understands the value of respect, he gives much respect, and receives the utmost respect in return. His lady will have no problem submitting to him because submission is rooted in respect for one another [ii]. This man will be made to feel like a king from his lady and any children that he has especially if his respect is something that he genuinely shows all the time.
A Man of his word
In a world where so many people play games and say they will do something when they actually don’t; the man who actually does what he says he is going to do raises the eyebrows of interest in a woman to be curious about what else could be there. If the man is just genuinely a man of his word; This will be very attractive to a woman. Even if the guy cannot meet an expectation that he has set; he will honor his word enough to call the woman and say, “I wanted to or I tried to, but I just could not do it, let’s do something different” or whatever the case may be.
A man who pursues his God-given vision
This man already listens to God, who has given him vision. He is therefore walking by faith as he takes steps toward his vision. This man is wise. He counts up the cost before he makes a decision. He plans wisely and becomes successful because he is willing to sacrifice according to wisdom for his vision to come to past. His sacrifice includes not doing what he sees other men do as far as wasting time, getting drunk, high, and living the fast life. He knows that he has to be sober to think, plan, and accomplish and that is what he does. He keeps his eyes on his goals, which keeps him out of a lot of unnecessary trouble and makes him a very attractive potential.
A man who is stable
A man who is stable provides security for a woman. He isn’t double-minded one day wanting to live for God and the next wanting to live for the world. The double-minded person is a a person caught in a cycle of instability.[iii]. That person can never get ahead because they have not made up their mind to follow Christ all the way; therefore whatever that person births will be unstable. A woman of God does not want to follow that. A woman needs stability. The stable man who has made it clear that he is submitting himself to God, and when the time comes to one woman, with stable and sustainable income has a few stars in a woman’s eyes. Notice, I did not emphasize income by putting it first when talking about stability. That’s because stable income is not enough to get a woman of God. A man can have income but be unstable in other ways that can hurt the relationship before it even gets started. That’s why it is so important for both men and women to learn themselves and grow as singles before stepping into the responsibility of marriage so that they can handle it better.
A man who listens
This man is not chauvinistic. He doesn’t feel that his opinion is the only one that matters because he is a man and his woman is beneath him, but he understands the value in having a wise woman by his side and therefore listens to her opinion respecting her for the help-meet that she is instead of looking at her like a door-mat or an object to be used and discarded. This man will build his marriage on good communication understanding that communication is not one-sided, but it means listening as well as speaking, not thinking about what he wants to say while the woman is talking to continue to disregard her opinion. The man who listens shows value for his woman, respect, affection, care and love. This man is always to be greatly appreciated.
A man who is handy
I used to talk to a gentlemen who was always multitasking his skills to take care of business and make extra money on the side. He had his regular job, and then when he was off he would remodel people’s bathrooms replacing sinks, towels and such. He also did his own brakes on his car and he was just handy with a few things. I thought to myself wow this dude is so manly Ummm, but the most important things he wasn’t as far as being committed to God and such, so there was no reason for me to continue talking to him. He did have me impressed with his handiness however.
The Manly Man:
While women are credited for many skills such as multitasking, being nurturing, and great care-givers, there are some things that just kind of go along with being a man and they are very attractive. Things such as a man’s communication style offering another perspective that a woman would not have thought of. A man’s willingness to help to solve problems even though he may not always have the clear answer. He will take time with trial and error until he finds a solution. The covering of a man when he naturally protects a woman in a loving way. He may not even know a specific woman, but he may offer to walk her to her car at night, carry her groceries, or hold the door for her. He speaks with strength and authority and enjoys just being a man. His walk is manly. Can you say manly swag? Lol. His talk and manner of dress is manly. He is just an old-fashioned man.
The Mature man
The mature man is a totality of the above mentioned great traits in men. The mature man marks growth, strength, and a readiness for promotion. Maturity shows that a man can handle what he is given. He possesses the very things needed to take on the responsibilities that come his way, and he does it well because he is mature, learned, polished and grown in the ideal of what it means to be a man.
This list is not meant to be a check each one of these off and you will be able to get any woman, but whether to honor and encourage godliness, character, and strength in men. There are still other things involved like God’s will, timing, and whether a woman can see herself committing to a particular guy. Even if a woman isn’t interested in a guy for marriage, if he has some of the above qualities she will definitely pay attention. Thanking God for the men!!!! Hey!!!!!!!! A man and A man!!!!!!!!!! Lol!
i A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12:4
ii Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:25
iii For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. James 1:7-8
Before there was a Lecrae, there was Andrae’’ Crouch:
Andrae’ Crouch was affectionately referred to as the Father of Modern Gospel and he was the leading staple singer, songwriter and arranger of his generation. He crossed the boundary lines of traditional gospel right into the contemporary without losing the message nor the anointing of the gospel. Name any well known extraordinary artist of the last couple generations and you will find a connection with Andrae’ Crouch from Michael Jackson to Elvis. Andrae’ Crouch was an extraordinarily talented man.
Even though I wasn’t born during the peak of Mr. Crouch’s’ career, I definitely recognized his work as something great when my mom exposed me to his music. My mom would always win records from the radio station in the mid 80s and play them all throughout the house.
The peak of Crouch’s’ career was during the 1970s which was one of the coolest eras for African-American people. We were slightly just past some of the toughest Civil Rights struggles of our history in this country. The 1970s is where the Black is beautiful era became prominent and Blacks in this country were starting to gain some pride and self-worth about themselves and music was a big part of that expression.
Unsurprisingly, Black exploitation films also became popular during that era where drugs and the life of a pimp or super-fly street thug was glorified to the young Black youth of that day, but God always has a remnant of someone to represent his name.
That is what Andrae’ did in the music industry. His music had a similar sound to the popular music of that time, but it was gospel. It was just as cool, just as talented, and original as the music of that time similar to contemporary artists today such as Lecrae, Kirk Franklin, and others. Crouch was considered worldly and a sell out by some as well just like Christian artists today. Before the contemporary movement of artists that we embrace so well today, there were people like Andrae’ Crouch, Shirley Caesar, and Edwin & Walter Hawkins who paved the way for gospel music to be embraced in the mainstream.
Andrae’ is responsible for some of the most beloved gospel songs such as “The Blood Will Never Lose its Power”, “Soon & Very Soon”, “Take me back”, “Jesus is the Answer”, and the list goes on. My favorite song from him is “I’ll Still love You” from the “Take Me Back” album. Andrae’ has won several awards over the years including 7 Grammys, 6 Dove Awards, and other honors. Yesterday, we lost a legend whose contribution to the world will never be forgotten. May Andrae’ Crouch rest with the Lord.
Enjoy one of my favorites form Andrae’ Crouch below:
So, I just have to address this phrase that is used so rapidly in and out of the church to point out a single in a negative instance of why they are still single as if being single is something negative. Where do people get their data from? Since when is it universally negative among believers that being single is a negative thing. Do Christians know that Jesus was single, John the Baptist was single, and Apostle Paul was single. Why were all of these great biblical figures single? Simply because they were about the will of their father. They knew what their purposes were and they hopped to it.
They were willing to make a sacrifice in order to do what God had called them to do. Whatever calling God calls us to there will be some amount of sacrifice because that is one of the core teaching of being a follower of Christ i.
God’s word says if any man will come after me, let him first deny himself and take up his cross and follow after me. Whether a person is called to be married or single they will sacrifice something as believers. That is why you have some married people who want to be single, and some single people who want to be married during their season of singleness because they no longer want to make a sacrifice.
Singles don’t want to sacrifice their sexual appetite while single, so they seek marriage, and married folk don’t want to sacrifice their selves, personal ambitions and dreams and some seek to be single. The key to contentment however is abiding in the calling that we are currently called to. If we as singles don’t see someone who is appropriate for us in our reach, we may be called to be single for a time. If married folks have made their vow of marriage committing to stick it out with someone, that is probably where they are called.
To everything there is a time and season to every purpose under the sunii. A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. If we know these things than why are so many singles ostracized, made to be outcasted, looked down upon, and made to feel as though there is something wrong with them for being single. Why is it that when a single is content and happy within that status; it is disdained or he or she is made to feel out of pocket, as though they are missing something. A person can be happy, content, fulfilled, and complete despite what others may think as a single individual.
The truth is there is a place of contentment for married people and single people alike and neither class should be looked at as lesser than or greater than just what a person is called to for the time-being.
I am not saying that singles who are content never want to be married, but we are cool with where we are at now until our season changes.
I want to contribute as much as I can to singles as they walk out their calling before I one day become married because singles are often misunderstood, and lack the proper ministry to be confident in their current shoes.
There is a place of contentment in Christ for singles where despite the fact that singles lack the benefits of marriage; it isn’t always noticeable what is lacked due to the blessing that is currently before the single individuals. For example, Adam & Eve were in the Garden of Eden naked. Being naked represents lack in the Bible or not having something. When Adam & Eve hid from God and God asked them why they were hiding; their response was we were naked. God responded saying, Who told you you were naked? In other words they had been so close to God and enamored with God in the Garden among all of their blessings that they did not know that they were naked or lacking something until they ate of the tree. Adam & Eve shifted their focus from what was important for them in that time which was keeping the commandment of God not to eat from the tree of good & evil. When their focus shifted from obedience to God to pursuing their own curiosities outside of God their world was opened up to see what they lacked and any other imperfections in the world.
Don’t allow someone else’s opinion of you and where you should be in life to distract you from where God has called you to for the time-being like the serpent did with Adam & Eve.
God wants us to be so close to him and enamored with the blessing of singleness that we don’t even realize we lack in certain areas such as having a spouse. God will meet the needs of intimacy that we desire as far as community, and having someone to conversate with who actually listens and contributes to us. As far as the hormones are concerned, God will quiet that for us until marriage where it’s really no big deal if we allow him. He will give us the grace as well for areas where we have fallen.
So, single people need to be confident people. It may take some time, but God will train us and hold us up. Therefore, don’t let anyone steal your contentment in Christ by telling you that’s why you are still single in a negative sense. Reject negativity right away especially when it comes from Christians because Christians are more influential to other Christians.
That’s why the word says not to hang with Christians who fornicate because that Christian will influence another Christian to compromise as well. Unfortunately, every Christian is not mature, and does not have the vision of God for your individual life. Just like Peter, one of Jesus’ beloved disciples did not always have the vision for Jesus’ life. He suggested inappropriate things due to his carnal fleshly thinking and Jesus rebuked him saying get thee behind me Sataniii. Peter was still God’s disciple but unlearned in various areas. It’s the same thing with believers nowadays. Know what to accept and to reject in order to continue to be bold, stable, and confident singles until your season changes.
iThen said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. Matthew 16:24
iiTo every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: Ecclesiastes 3:1
iiiBut when he had turned about and looked on his disciples, he rebuked Peter, saying, Get thee behind me, Satan: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but the things that be of men . Mark 8:33, KJV
Being a woman is so much fun! From defining our own styles, to finding our voices, being heard and respected to helping other women and young girls who are coming along on their journey to womanhood. Being a woman can be so rewarding, but on the other hand there can be many distractions from what a woman’s identity should encompass. Below are just some examples of womanhood that I have noticed in popular culture and media where often images and stereotypes are presented to females to choose their identity as such. Are we as women defining who we are by who God says we are or are we just becoming another stereotype?
The Disrespectful Woman: I’ve noticed that the clothes that are coming out for young girls and young women are getting more inappropriate. There are disrespectful messages on the t-shirts that refer to other women as the b-word, and references to women wearing the shirts as boy-toys and other inappropriate prideful and vain messages. The dresses are getting tighter, shorter, and more revealing. The language of women promoted in popular reality television shows is that of women who disrespect others talking down and at people in inappropriate ways.
All of these things speak to how a woman wishes to be treated because the reality is the way that a woman treats herself and treats others is how other people will feel is an appropriate way to treat her. There is nothing worse for a woman than a woman who disrespects herself. If a woman doesn’t know what is appropriate behavior for herself, she will not be able to show others how to treat her in an appropriate manner.
Furthermore, because of many of the negative images in popular culture that reference Black women, some people of other nationalities believe negative behavior is a norm for us. Therefore, when some Asians open up their beauty supply stores, and clothing stores in our communities, the music that is played is disrespectful toward women. I have complained on several occasions regarding this and gotten the music to be changed at places where I shop. It’s time for Black women and women as a whole to defy the stereotypes. No, we do not all call one another the b-word. No, we do not all go to the club and drop it like it is hot. That ain’t nobodies’ business but our husbands.
The Woman Who Follows the Wind or The Woman of Faith: Not very long ago, there was huge media attention centered around the idea that Black women weren’t getting married. I recently had a discussion with a woman who is very well-cultured and she feels that Black women are the lest desirable women to Black men in this country of the U.S.A. largely due to the many negative stereotypes that plague Black women such as the angry Black woman or the loud Black woman. She wanted me to write a blog on this, but I shared with her that I did not agree with that notion of Black women being the lest desirable because all Black women do not fit those stereotypes. I will say that yes, there are issues in our culture where many women do fit negative stereotypes, but all African-American women should not be defined by those women.
What she did share was that every time she traveled outside of the country she was treated like a superstar because of the dark color of her skin. She shared that many men in other nations love and admire the Black woman. Those who were not familiar with the negative stereotypes of Black women in this country were able to see the positive attributes about that beautiful Black woman without judging her by negative stereotypes dismissing her before she even had a chance. The woman who follows the wind of what is popular or what the studies are showing will dismiss herself from God’s blessing before it even reaches her because she has gotten out of faith and into the wind. For every lie spoken there is a truth that dispels it. Do you represent that truth or the stereotype that the lie is based on? This is why Christian websites and blogs that promote positive images of Black marriages and successful relationships are so important because they build our faith beyond what we see and hear.
I Got a Big-Butt/Selfie Culture Woman: This woman is all about the appearance. She bases her worth on how many likes she gets on her Instagram and Facebook pictures that she posts. There isn’t very much emphasis placed on herself outside of her physical beauty. She fits the notion of popular culture that has told young Black girls for years that your worth is derived from how you appear physically especially if you have a big exterior. Many of the most popular female role models in entertainment promote this idea from Nikki Minaj, Kim Kardashian, Jennifer Lopez, and now Iggy Azalea. Looking at these examples of women, it can be easy to believe the lie that this type of a woman is powerful, when in reality a woman who promotes her physical attributes above what is on the inside limits herself and causes others to view her in a demeaning way. A woman may get a man with a big behind, but it will take more than that to keep a man.
If a woman or young girl is not connected to God or more positive examples she can easily confuse her worth with just her outward appearance and how guys respond to that while ignoring all of the other things that make her beautiful.
The Bible talks about how the Lord beautifies those that are his with salvation i. The more we submit ourselves to God, the more we will began to see the other beautiful things God has put into us as women besides just our physical exterior. If a woman’s physical exterior is all that she works on and feels that she is worth, than she will attract a guy who feels that is all she is good for. The Bible tells us women to adorn ourselves in modest apparel with humility and sobriety. In other words, God is not opposed to women being confident and feeling physically attractive, but he doesn’t want us to get stuck on that as if that’s all that matters. He wants us to adore ourselves with humility and work on our inner selves that will in turn point others back to him. Our beauty is not given to us as women just to be there, but God has a purpose in it, and that purpose is to point others to him. That’s why God addresses in scripture how holy women of old adorned themselves in a godly manner (1 Peter 3:5).
Desperate Church-Girl: This is how unfortunately, many church girls are expected to be by some desperately waiting around for a man any man. Looking and watching the new guys who come into the church competing with other girls in the church for his attention. Divisive, Jealous, naive, and ready to do whatever just to have a man. Unfortunately, there are some girls like this who feel their greatest accomplishment in life will be to just get a man. There is nothing wrong with having a natural desire for a man as a woman, but I don’t see God in any of the behavior mentioned above for the desperate church-girl. She seems more like someone who is immature and unlearned in the Lord, who has made an idol out of the idea of having a man. That is a dangerous place to be in as a woman. That woman would seem to be unproductive as it relates to her purpose and goals in life. She needs to get before the Lord and get his vision for her life. She needs to get God’s heart at work in her so that he can mature her into what he has called her to be and use her as an instrument to love her sisters and brothers in Christ instead of competing with them and putting them down. I have seen God bless some of these women with mature godly men to cover them and to help them grow. Other women, have gone through unnecessary circumstances because of their immaturity in this area.
Godly Virtuous Woman: This woman is a woman of vision. She understands that without a vision people perish ii, so she spends regular time in God’s presence praying, fasting, and reading the word to catch the vision that God has for her life. She is a woman of humility. She patiently listens and follows the instruction of those who are older and wiser when appropriate. She has a sense of worth that only comes from God which breeds faith on the inside of her that she cannot allow herself to put up with anything.
She isn’t sitting around desperate for a man, but she is busy with the work that God has placed in her hands right now in this time and season. She isn’t opposed to a man, but she has entrusted that desire to God, and will welcome it in the time that God has ordained. She is very attractive and it is obvious, but she places the greater emphasis on godliness and presenting herself in a manner that is acceptable to God. Like Proverbs she is clothed in strengthiii and in her tongue is the law of kindnessiv. She is a graceful woman, who builds others up instead of tearing them down. Her character causes her to stand out and have favor wherever she goes. Her reputation precedes her and it shows that she is not perfect but humble and willing enough to get things right.
As women, we have so many choices thrown at us on a regular basis telling us who we are, or who we should be, but there is one who made us from the rib of a man with purpose, beauty, honor, strength and all of his backing behind us to be all that he has called us to be and that is God himself. With all of the choices presented to us, I have found God’s way to be the best way.
i For the LORD taketh pleasure in his people: he will beautify the meek with salvation. Psalms 149:4 (KJV)
ii Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he. Proverbs 28:19
iii Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. Proverbs 31:25
iv She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. Proverbs 31:26
Uncharted territory, transitions or huge changes in our lives are common places for fear. This is something that we all will have to deal with. The question is how will we respond when those occurrences happen?
Recently, I was feeling very nervous because of some moves that I am thinking about making in which I have never done before. Of course, the questions come to my mind what if I am not successful at what I am attempting to do? What if I am not as good as I think I am and then I fail?
I was reminded of three scriptures:
The wicked flee when no man pursueth: but the righteous are bold as a lion. (Proverbs 28:1, KJV)
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9, NIV)
Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD. (Psalms 31:24, KJV)
All of the above scriptures encourage us to be bold and of good courage even as a lion is bold. A lion does not need to be picked up or encouraged in who he is. He knows that he is the king of beasts, and when he roars it is a roar of authority and confidence not fear and disbelief. Not too long ago, I had a dream that I was walking with my dad and lions were next to us walking in the same direction that we were. We were on our way somewhere and I was sort of unsure of what was going on in the dream as to where I was going and how exactly to get there. I was reminded of that dream when I last felt nervous.
Now, I believe the understanding of that dream meant that I was on my way somewhere and that God was with me (my dad significant of God my heavenly father), and because he was with me, I could be as bold as a lion. That is how God sees me when I put my trust in him not someone who should be full of fear
At the time that I had the dream, I just kind of prayed like Lord, what does that mean? I don’t know what you are saying, but when I needed the understanding, God gave that to me. It is so refreshing to know that as believers we are not alone when we go through various circumstances. It’s refreshing to know that God is with us there to lead us, comfort us, and to cause us to be bold in the face of uncertainty.
I said to myself, I am going to start speaking God’s word of boldness and courage over myself when I feel nervous instead of saying that I am nervous because nervousness is fear, and fear has a way of becoming overwhelming and crippling. The person who becomes crippled by fear doesn’t even attempt to move forward anymore, and that is not where we want to be as believers. We want to always be moving forward toward the promises of God for our lives.
Therefore, I will make a choice to be bold until it becomes natural to me in the face of fear by meditating on and speaking God’s word concerning boldness and not being afraid. We have to be careful what we say out of our mouths because death and life are in the power of the tongue. If we say we are nervous and afraid, we will be nervous and afraid. If we say we are bold because God is with us, we will be bold realizing that God is with us.
Below are some additional scriptures to meditate on regarding fear.
Psalms 56:3 – When I am afraid, I put my trust in you (NIV).
Psalms 112:7 – They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD (NIV).
2 Timothy 1:7 – For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind (KJV).
The situations that stirred up so much contention and controversy in Ferguson are bigger than Ferguson. The source of contention and strife have to do with the way that we understand and relate to one another of different backgrounds, the tiredness of consistent injustice, and personal responsibility in dealing with various situations.
One of the most relevant things that the President stated the night that the Ferguson Police Department announced its verdict was when he mentioned the history of racial tension and discrimination in this country of America. I will admit we have come along way. Integration has been around for a little over fifty years with laws in place to protect the rights of all Ethnic groups, religions and such who seek the natural civil liberties that every American requires.
However, although we have made several strides over the years the war against racism and social injustice is far from over. We know that racism is more hidden now and less blatant in many cases as it relates to housing, businesses, and other structural institutions. There is a way of communicating one’s racist beliefs in such a way as to not draw immediate negative attention in order to avoid consequence, but it still exists.
With that understanding, I will not say that every problem stems from racism. Some problems simply come from a lack of understanding of a group of people. For example, when I went to California just a couple of months ago, I figured I’d go to an open mic comedy cafe’. I was sitting at the table and a comedian was on the stage. He was a White guy. He made jokes specifically about Black women. The first joke was okay. It was about a Black woman’s weave.
However, he started talking about how Black women are crazy and how he was afraid to have a Black girlfriend because she would catch him cheating by smelling his private area and he went on about the crazy Black woman. I was the only Black woman in there and I just focused on my food and ate waiting for him to get off the stage.
He was kind of embarrassed because no one was laughing especially me. I just ignored it as comedy that was based on stereotypes and wasn’t really funny. He got off stage and just left afterward. I would assume that the comedian did not have very many Black female friends. He probably watches shows like Jerry Springer, where unfortunately, there actually was a Black woman saying the things that he said during his set. However, in reality there are many other Black women who carry themselves with a since of pride, dignity, and self-respect.
My point is we cannot judge one another of different backgrounds by stereotypes perpetrated in the media or anywhere else. Unfortunately, many of the stereotypes relating to Black men are negative and therefore Black men are looked at as being more violent than other racial groups. Because of the many negative stereotypes that are aimed at Blacks in general, Black people have had to be extra excellent at whatever we have done in order to disprove the negative stereotypes of the mainstream.
Black people are not the only ones who fall victim to stereotypes. There are stereotypes that Blacks have about Whites as well. For example, normally when there is a school shooting, mass shooting, or serial killer, some Black people are surprised if the killer is Black because the norm for mass shooters have largely not been Black in the media. In a sense, every race of people can be guilty of having negative perceptions about one another, but those perceptions should begin to die the more that we begin to see each other as humans deserving of love and respect.
Many have asked why are so many people angry and saddened by what took place when Darren Wilson was not indicted for the death of Michael Brown, as if the Michael Brown incident was an isolated incident. The truth of the matter is that the Michael Brown incident is not an isolated incident, but an incident that the Black community has seen far too much. There is a reason why people are angry. People are fed up and tired. The message to those who are angry should not be to get over it and move on, but rather to channel their anger in a way that will bring about a positive outcome to prevent things of this nature from reoccurring in the future.
There is no sin in being angry. The sin comes about when we make poor choices due to our anger. Scripture reminds us to be angry, but not to sin. When we make poor choices because of our anger, it takes away from the injustice that was done to us, making us appear to be the one in the wrong (Ephesians 4:26).
To add insult to injury, when a case becomes prominent of an unarmed Black male being killed, that male is always made to look like a criminal to justify the shooting. That is extremely hurtful to the families and all involved. We have seen it with the Trayvon Martin case, of which I am still upset that his killer was not brought to justice, the Michael Brown case, and even in the case of Tamir Rice, the 12 year old boy shot by police in Cleveland. There are stories circulating about his father having a history of domestic violence. What does that have to do with justifying a 12-year old boy being shot and killed? I am not condoning any inappropriate behavior, but if we all got shot for all of the mistakes we made as young people, we all would be dead.
Do I believe that all police officers are bad? No. Do I believe that all White police officers are racist? No. Do I believe that all police shootings are motivated by racism? No, but I do believe that some are motivated by an inappropriate perception of someone who has a different racial background than that of the officers. Other cases are motivated by the lack of accountability for police officers to be brought to justice on certain actions. It is common for police departments to protect officers, and I can understand that to a degree because police officers put their lives on the line to protect citizens and sometimes they simply make mistakes and need grace just like any other person.
However, when the same occurrence of unarmed Black males dying at the hands of officers continues to occur, then something needs to be done. I believe in order to see effective change concerning this issue, there has to be a collaborative effort by everyone effected. That includes accountability from those outside of the local state to ensure that citizens have a fair chance and that their rights are not being violated. The cameras are also a good idea because it takes away from the questions of what really happened. In many cases, it has been the livings’ testimony against the dead. Lastly, families teaching their sons and daughters how to deal with the police, and more diverse examples of Black males in media.
More diverse examples of Black males in media would include decreasing the violence in our own communities. Unfortunately, it isn’t good to only see our communities of color come together when there is an offense that has taken place involving a White person, but when African Americans kill one another it is acceptable. I was very upset when I watched a documentary of the L.A. Riots that showed a truce between two popular Black gangs because of the misconduct of White officers, but any other time they would be killing one another. That is unacceptable. We have to do better.
Thankfully, in the day and age of social media, news of injustice can spread quickly and cause a positive movement that effects change that impacts all races and nationalities. I am glad to see many people who are not Black as well as other Blacks marching for Garner, Trayvon Martin, and Michael Brown, so that their lives would not have been taken in vain, but that it would effect positive change for others.
As the media, rides the wave of social injustice, we have to be careful to not just respond in anger, but to respond in prayer also praying for those that are in authority to make the right decisions and praying for everyone as a whole.
I firmly believe that it is God who puts people together and who causes others to be single for a season ordained for that person in order to carry out the specific purpose that God has in mind. I also believe that whatever calling rests upon an individual’s life whether single or married that God will give that individual the grace to do all that God is calling for with his specific assignment for him.
With that said we know that the Bible teaches us that singleness is a gift and marriage is a gift (1 Corinthians 7:7i). The question is what are we doing with are current state of singleness for those of us out there who are single? Are we being good stewards of this gift God has entrusted to us or are we focusing on trying to trade our gift for something else. Below are a few things that I think would help singles to better enjoy their time of singleness, and yes just like any other gift should be enjoyed, the gift of singleness should be enjoyed and maximized as well.
Having a positive outlook of what it means to be single: Unfortunately, singleness is too often looked at as a negative thing or a disadvantage, but singleness has a lot of advantages. We know that the Bible speaks about a single person’s first priority is that of being concerned with the things of God and living a life of holiness in both body and in spirit. It is an honor and a privilege that God would set us apart to be concerned specifically with his purpose. It shows that he respects us and trusts us to be concerned with the things that concern him. This opens up the door for greater intimacy with God which results in greater understanding of him. Unfortunately, a lot of people aren’t privy to this because either they have another calling such as marriage that distracts them from being able to have an intimate relationship with God in such an easy manner or they are seeking after other things.
Prioritizing to live a life of holiness in body and in spirit ii: When we make a priority of living for God in a way that is holy both in body and in spirit, we free ourselves up from the distractions of condemnation that we often have to fight when we are struggling with sin, and we invite God into our lives on a more intimate level. Sin separates us from God and his presence, but the opposite of sin, which is holiness and obedience causes us to welcome the presence of God.
The reward for holiness is the presence of God. God’s word teaches that the man that follows holiness and walks in peace toward men will see Godiii. I believe that is significant of a greater intimacy with God. Lately, I’ve been in a season where I’ve been waking up and going to sleep feeling the presence of God. That in it’s own way is my fuel to say, as I go into this next year no matter what I have to face, I will fight to be obedient even when it is hard because I remember God’s presence. I remember what it is like to feel his love and to love him in return, and that is what I want to do. The Bible says that if we love God we keep his commandments. Let God’s love for you and the idea of focusing on his love for you be the fuel that makes you willing to fight your flesh or any sinful threat that would seek to separate you from the presence of the Lord.
Not allowing yourself to be distracted: When you have made up in your mind to prioritize living a life of holiness to God, don’t be surprised if all of a sudden distractions pop-up out of no where. During those times, that distractions show their face, we have to be intentional in making a choice not to entertain the things that God has not ordained. Whether it is a man or a woman who is not a God-send in your life, or if it is an idol that is causing you to waste your precious time. Idols could be anything that you have chosen to give the greater attention to rather than what God has called you to for this season of your life. An idol could be a friendship that God no longer has ordained for you, or fantasying about sex where you have lifted up the idea of sex so much to the point where you can no longer focus on the fact that you are supposed to be single right now i.e. not getting any. God has called us to live a life of peace in whatever state that we are in. Normally, when we do not have peace in our current situation, we may have either outgrown that situation or we may have shifted our focus to something that it is not yet time for thus creating frustration for where God has currently called us.
Being productive: I know we have heard all of these things before, but it doesn’t hurt to be reminded that the time of being single is a great time to realize those gifts and talents that God has placed within us. Being productive requires keeping our attention on the things that will bring forth good fruit in our lives and hopefully spill over into the lives of others not backbiting, gossiping, or being jealous of one another, but being mature. Being productive allows us to take leaps of faith that we may feel more reserved to take later when we have a family to support. Getting started with being productive can be as simple as using what you already have in your hands. If you have a job, you can use some of the income from your job as seed money to do whatever it is God is calling you to do. Every one doesn’t have to get behind your plan to make it work. You get behind your vision and other people will see you behind your vision and they will begin to support you as well.
I remember when God told me to put my website up. I was very reserved in doing so telling the Lord I would need confirmation before I followed through on putting up my website. I immediately got a text message after praying that prayer saying that God hasn’t lite a candle for it to be hiddeniv. It was so cool how that happened. One of my mentors who texted me didn’t even know I had just prayed that prayer.
It wasn’t my idea to be somewhat in front of people blogging and such, it was God’s idea. I never would have known what God wanted for my life without prioritizing him and seeking him for myself in prayer and reading of his word. Whenever we prioritize God we will find ourselves ending up exactly where we are supposed to be, and we’ll be the most productive than we can ever be.
Being Thankful: Being thankful helps us to enjoy the right now, to be thankful for what has been, and to have a hope for what will be. When we are thankful for what we already have, we don’t have time to wish we had more. Thankful people maximize what they already have.
Sowing into the lives of others: Sowing and reaping is one of the greatest principles that God has set up in the earth. God looks at the idea of a person not reaping what he has sown as mockery toward himself. It just doesn’t happen. God does not allow himself to be mocked in that way. Whatever a person sows, he will reap (Galatians 6:7). That’s God’s word and his word is bond. Therefore, as singles we should not be lacking in anything as long as we have some seed to sow, and God gives seed to those who have a heart to sowv. So, if we need love, we should find someone to sow love into for example, a church mother, widow, elder person, family member, or a child that we are mentoring. The point is if we sow love we will get love in return. If we sow our listening ear, we will get a listening ear. Sowing and reaping isn’t just about money although it can be used in that manner. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to look back after we are ready to settle down and get married and see all of the fruit of our labor as singles and say to ourselves wow that was really something.
Unfortunately, a lot of people who are married now did not have such fortunate single lives as some of us have been afforded the opportunity to have. Some people, who are now married, wasted their singleness trying to fit in doing any and everything under the sun that they should not have been doing and have nothing to show for it.
Others married before they really realized who they were, or what they wanted out of life. Some married people leave their marriages to find themselves. While others wait until they are finished raising their kids to pursue their dreams. If God has given you an opportunity now as a single to be productive as you enjoy your life and change the lives of others in a positive way than maximize that gift until he decides to say you’ve done well with that gift now here is another gift. Remember, that is what God did with the stewards over the talents in Matthew 25. Those, who were productive received more, but those who weren’t productive, what they had got taken away. Be sure to honor the current gift of singleness.
Finally, Not forgetting to do something for yourself: This is the one that I had been the weakest at,but I must say that I’ve gotten much better at being purposeful to do something for myself. Unfortunately, as singles sometimes we can do so much for others that we forget about ourselves and maybe some of the things that we would like to do. If you’ve always loved to dance, now is the time to take your dancing class, if you love to travel, than budget your money and get your travel on. Make some time for yourself to do things that you enjoy.
iFor I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. 1 Corinthians 7:7 (KJV)
God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others. 1 Corinthians 7:7 (Message Bible)
ii The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 1 Corinthians 7:34
iiiFollow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: Hebrews 12:14
iv Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Matthew 5:14-15
v Now he that ministereth seed to the sower both minister bread for your food, and multiply your seed sown, and increase the fruits of your righteousness; 2 Corinthians 9:10
The best part about approaching the new year is the sensitivity that comes about that draws us to seek the Lord. The Lord is describes in the book of Isaiah and the book of Revelations as the one who holds the key of David to shut doors that no one can open and open doors that no one can shut. He is the one with the authority, the kingship and the grace to do just that on our behalf. Often the new year is a time of reflection where we review what has happened the previous year and what we can improve on for the next year.
Going where God is calling us in the new year is just as simple as submitting ourselves to the authority of Jesus Christ who personally deals with us his children in closing doors in our lives that would hinder us from him and what he has for us, and he opens doors of opportunity for us to grow closer to him and to carry out his will.
I pray for sensitivity to God’s leading and a willingness to submit to him in this new year that he is allowing us to enter into. I also pray for a heart of worship for myself and God’s people as a whole. We know that the true worship that God calls us to is rooted in obedience. When we obey someone it shows fear, reverence, and respect for them.
I am currently reading in the book of Jeremiah which is a great book for believers to read when they are struggling with a sin that is happening over and over again in their lives. We know that the word of God is powerful and able to correct us, discern the intentions of our hearts, and re-direct us to the right path i.
The book of Jeremiah deals with the sin of idolatry. Idolatry is anything that we obey or place more importance on over the Lord. Jeremiah talks about how God’s people Israel were idolatrous toward God, but God still let his people know that he loved them and if they turned their hearts to him he would take them back.
Sometimes idolatrous sin can cause a person to lose a sense of what is right and wrong, and what God is saying altogether. It isn’t a good place to be in. Therefore, God being the good loving God that he is will use some form of judgement to shake us up causing us to sober up to what God is trying to show us.
That is what happened in the book of Jeremiah. God warned his people that he was about to send judgement after they had been idolatrous against him. He already had planned for another nation to take his people and subject them to the rule of that other nation. He tells them how to react when this happens saying for them to repent and to prepare their hearts toward the Lord.
“For thus says the Lord to the men of Judah and Jerusalem, Break up your fallow ground, and do not sow among thorns. Jeremiah 4:3
Circumcise yourselves to the Lord, and take away the foreskins of your heart, you men of Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem; lest my fury come forth like fire, and burn that non can quench it, because of the evil of your doings. Jeremiah 4:4
Declare in Judah, and publish in Jerusalem: and say, Blow the trumpet in the land; cry gather together, and say Assemble yourselves, and let us go into the defenced cities. Jeremiah 4:5” (KJV)
The above scriptures bring balance to how we view the Lord showing him as a God of love and a God of correction, judgement, and fury. The world is imbalanced in their view of God limiting him as just a God of love and that is it, but the Bible paints the appropriate picture.
These scriptures bring an appropriate fear for God that we should maintain as his children knowing that Gods character will not allow him to look past sin, but if we obey him we can overcome sin.
The above scriptures starting with verse 3 talk about a heart that needs to be cultivated toward God. Fallow ground is unfruitful ground not worthy of planting seeds because nothing will be able to be produced from fallow ground. In the new testament Jesus gave the parable about the seed and good ground and how good ground produced much fruit some 30, 60, or 100 percent. Verse 3 also warns against planting among thorns which the Bible talks about the seeds that were sown among thorns choked whatever attempted to grow from the seed that was planted.(Matthew 13:7).
Verse 4 specifically talks about setting our hearts upon the Lord almost like a re-dedication unto him, and verse 5 where it talks about blowing the trumpet is the wake up call where God is warning his people of the upcoming judgement.
God wants our hearts to be in a place where we are ready to receive from him. Where we are ready to worship him in sincerity and in truth. If we are so bound by our sin or distracted by life he will send a wake up call.
As we approach the new year, let’s examine the ground of our hearts, and pray that our hearts would be in position to receive from God and to worship him like maybe we haven’t done in a long time. Let’s pray for an increased hunger for God instead of what he can give us knowing that what we need is already taken care of by him because his word is bond.
Let’s be grateful and thankful that we made it another year still belonging to the Lord, in our right mind, full of the vision and the Spirit of God. These are things to truly be thankful for as we approach the new year.
Let’s allow our focus to be that of true worship where we give ourselves to the Lord without distraction and in obedience. Let’s pray that every door of distraction, sin, doubt, unbelief, or anything that would hinder us from truly worshiping God to be closed, and every door that will cause us to bring forth fruit in our lives to be opened doors of discipline, consecration, obedience, vision and such which will lead to so much more. A person who has committed their way to the Lord is limitless in what God has called him or her to do ii.
i For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Hebrews 4:12
ii Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. Proverbs 16:3
Common Misconceptions Single Men and Women Have About One Another
A while back we did a radio show on some of the common misconceptions that single Christian men have about women, and women have about men. In case you missed that episode, I’ve posted a snippet of the male-perspective below and also me closing out the topic for that evening. Please, feel free to share your thoughts on the comment thread. Open and honest dialogue is always encouraged here on Intercession For A Generation’s blog:
Personal Responsibility and A Balanced View on Ferguson: 12/8/20141 Comment Picture The situations that stirred up so much contention and controversy in Ferguson are bigger than Ferguson. The source of contention and strife have to do with the way that we understand and relate to one another of different backgrounds, the tiredness of consistent injustice, and personal responsibility in dealing with various situations.
One of the most relevant things that the President stated the night that the Ferguson Police Department announced its verdict was when he mentioned the history of racial tension and discrimination in this country of America. I will admit we have come along way. Integration has been around for a little over fifty years with laws in place to protect the rights of all Ethnic groups, religions and such who seek the natural civil liberties that every American requires.
However, although we have made several strides over the years the war against racism and social injustice is far from over. We know that racism is more hidden now and less blatant in many cases as it relates to housing, businesses, and other structural institutions. There is a way of communicating one’s racist beliefs in such a way as to not draw immediate negative attention in order to avoid consequence, but it still exists.
With that understanding, I will not say that every problem stems from racism. Some problems simply come from a lack of understanding of a group of people. For example, when I went to California just a couple of months ago, I figured I’d go to an open mic comedy cafe’. I was sitting at the table and a comedian was on the stage. He was a White guy. He made jokes specifically about Black women. The first joke was okay. It was about a Black woman’s weave.
However, he started talking about how Black women are crazy and how he was afraid to have a Black girlfriend because she would catch him cheating by smelling his private area and he went on about the crazy Black woman. I was the only Black woman in there and I just focused on my food and ate waiting for him to get off the stage.
He was kind of embarrassed because no one was laughing especially me. I just ignored it as comedy that was based on stereotypes and wasn’t really funny. He got off stage and just left afterward. I would assume that the comedian did not have very many Black female friends. He probably watches shows like Jerry Springer, where unfortunately, there actually was a Black woman saying the things that he said during his set. However, in reality there are many other Black women who carry themselves with a since of pride, dignity, and self-respect.
My point is we cannot judge one another of different backgrounds by stereotypes perpetrated in the media or anywhere else. Unfortunately, many of the stereotypes relating to Black men are negative and therefore Black men are looked at as being more violent than other racial groups. Because of the many negative stereotypes that are aimed at Blacks in general, Black people have had to be extra excellent at whatever we have done in order to disprove the negative stereotypes of the mainstream.
Black people are not the only ones who fall victim to stereotypes. There are stereotypes that Blacks have about Whites as well. For example, normally when there is a school shooting, mass shooting, or serial killer, some Black people are surprised if the killer is Black because the norm for mass shooters have largely not been Black in the media. In a sense, every race of people can be guilty of having negative perceptions about one another, but those perceptions should begin to die the more that we begin to see each other as humans deserving of love and respect.
Many have asked why are so many people angry and saddened by what took place when Darren Wilson was not indicted for the death of Michael Brown, as if the Michael Brown incident was an isolated incident. The truth of the matter is that the Michael Brown incident is not an isolated incident, but an incident that the Black community has seen far too much. There is a reason why people are angry. People are fed up and tired. The message to those who are angry should not be to get over it and move on, but rather to channel their anger in a way that will bring about a positive outcome to prevent things of this nature from reoccurring in the future.
There is no sin in being angry. The sin comes about when we make poor choices due to our anger. Scripture reminds us to be angry, but not to sin. When we make poor choices because of our anger, it takes away from the injustice that was done to us, making us appear to be the one in the wrong (Ephesians 4:26).
To add insult to injury, when a case becomes prominent of an unarmed Black male being killed, that male is always made to look like a criminal to justify the shooting. That is extremely hurtful to the families and all involved. We have seen it with the Trayvon Martin case, of which I am still upset that his killer was not brought to justice, the Michael Brown case, and even in the case of Tamir Rice, the 12 year old boy shot by police in Cleveland. There are stories circulating about his father having a history of domestic violence. What does that have to do with justifying a 12-year old boy being shot and killed? I am not condoning any inappropriate behavior, but if we all got shot for all of the mistakes we made as young people, we all would be dead.
Do I believe that all police officers are bad? No. Do I believe that all White police officers are racist? No. Do I believe that all police shootings are motivated by racism? No, but I do believe that some are motivated by an inappropriate perception of someone who has a different racial background than that of the officers. Other cases are motivated by the lack of accountability for police officers to be brought to justice on certain actions. It is common for police departments to protect officers, and I can understand that to a degree because police officers put their lives on the line to protect citizens and sometimes they simply make mistakes and need grace just like any other person.
However, when the same occurrence of unarmed Black males dying at the hands of officers continues to occur, then something needs to be done. I believe in order to see effective change concerning this issue, there has to be a collaborative effort by everyone effected. That includes accountability from those outside of the local state to ensure that citizens have a fair chance and that their rights are not being violated. The cameras are also a good idea because it takes away from the questions of what really happened. In many cases, it has been the livings’ testimony against the dead. Lastly, families teaching their sons and daughters how to deal with the police, and more diverse examples of Black males in media.
More diverse examples of Black males in media would include decreasing the violence in our own communities. Unfortunately, it isn’t good to only see our communities of color come together when there is an offense that has taken place involving a White person, but when African Americans kill one another it is acceptable. I was very upset when I watched a documentary of the L.A. Riots that showed a truce between two popular Black gangs because of the misconduct of White officers, but any other time they would be killing one another. That is unacceptable. We have to do better.
Thankfully, in the day and age of social media, news of injustice can spread quickly and cause a positive movement that effects change that impacts all races and nationalities. I am glad to see many people who are not Black as well as other Blacks marching for Garner, Trayvon Martin, and Michael Brown, so that their lives would not have been taken in vain, but that it would effect positive change for others.
As the media, rides the wave of social injustice, we have to be careful to not just respond in anger, but to respond in prayer also praying for those that are in authority to make the right decisions and praying for everyone as a whole.
1 Comment Are You Being A Good Steward Over Your Gift of Singleness? 12/3/20143 Comments Picture Picture I firmly believe that it is God who puts people together and who causes others to be single for a season ordained for that person in order to carry out the specific purpose that God has in mind. I also believe that whatever calling rests upon an individual’s life whether single or married that God will give that individual the grace to do all that God is calling for with his specific assignment for him.
With that said we know that the Bible teaches us that singleness is a gift and marriage is a gift (1 Corinthians 7:7i). The question is what are we doing with are current state of singleness for those of us out there who are single? Are we being good stewards of this gift God has entrusted to us or are we focusing on trying to trade our gift for something else. Below are a few things that I think would help singles to better enjoy their time of singleness, and yes just like any other gift should be enjoyed, the gift of singleness should be enjoyed and maximized as well.
Having a positive outlook of what it means to be single: Unfortunately, singleness is too often looked at as a negative thing or a disadvantage, but singleness has a lot of advantages. We know that the Bible speaks about a single person’s first priority is that of being concerned with the things of God and living a life of holiness in both body and in spirit. It is an honor and a privilege that God would set us apart to be concerned specifically with his purpose. It shows that he respects us and trusts us to be concerned with the things that concern him. This opens up the door for greater intimacy with God which results in greater understanding of him. Unfortunately, a lot of people aren’t privy to this because either they have another calling such as marriage that distracts them from being able to have an intimate relationship with God in such an easy manner or they are seeking after other things.
Prioritizing to live a life of holiness in body and in spirit ii: When we make a priority of living for God in a way that is holy both in body and in spirit, we free ourselves up from the distractions of condemnation that we often have to fight when we are struggling with sin, and we invite God into our lives on a more intimate level. Sin separates us from God and his presence, but the opposite of sin, which is holiness and obedience causes us to welcome the presence of God.
The reward for holiness is the presence of God. God’s word teaches that the man that follows holiness and walks in peace toward men will see Godiii. I believe that is significant of a greater intimacy with God. Lately, I’ve been in a season where I’ve been waking up and going to sleep feeling the presence of God. That in it’s own way is my fuel to say, as I go into this next year no matter what I have to face, I will fight to be obedient even when it is hard because I remember God’s presence. I remember what it is like to feel his love and to love him in return, and that is what I want to do. The Bible says that if we love God we keep his commandments. Let God’s love for you and the idea of focusing on his love for you be the fuel that makes you willing to fight your flesh or any sinful threat that would seek to separate you from the presence of the Lord.
Not allowing yourself to be distracted: When you have made up in your mind to prioritize living a life of holiness to God, don’t be surprised if all of a sudden distractions pop-up out of no where. During those times, that distractions show their face, we have to be intentional in making a choice not to entertain the things that God has not ordained. Whether it is a man or a woman who is not a God-send in your life, or if it is an idol that is causing you to waste your precious time. Idols could be anything that you have chosen to give the greater attention to rather than what God has called you to for this season of your life. An idol could be a friendship that God no longer has ordained for you, or fantasying about sex where you have lifted up the idea of sex so much to the point where you can no longer focus on the fact that you are supposed to be single right now i.e. not getting any. God has called us to live a life of peace in whatever state that we are in. Normally, when we do not have peace in our current situation, we may have either outgrown that situation or we may have shifted our focus to something that it is not yet time for thus creating frustration for where God has currently called us.
Being productive: I know we have heard all of these things before, but it doesn’t hurt to be reminded that the time of being single is a great time to realize those gifts and talents that God has placed within us. Being productive requires keeping our attention on the things that will bring forth good fruit in our lives and hopefully spill over into the lives of others not backbiting, gossiping, or being jealous of one another, but being mature. Being productive allows us to take leaps of faith that we may feel more reserved to take later when we have a family to support. Getting started with being productive can be as simple as using what you already have in your hands. If you have a job, you can use some of the income from your job as seed money to do whatever it is God is calling you to do. Every one doesn’t have to get behind your plan to make it work. You get behind your vision and other people will see you behind your vision and they will begin to support you as well.
I remember when God told me to put my website up. I was very reserved in doing so telling the Lord I would need confirmation before I followed through on putting up my website. I immediately got a text message after praying that prayer saying that God hasn’t lite a candle for it to be hiddeniv. It was so cool how that happened. One of my mentors who texted me didn’t even know I had just prayed that prayer.
It wasn’t my idea to be somewhat in front of people blogging and such, it was God’s idea. I never would have known what God wanted for my life without prioritizing him and seeking him for myself in prayer and reading of his word. Whenever we prioritize God we will find ourselves ending up exactly where we are supposed to be, and we’ll be the most productive than we can ever be.
Being Thankful: Being thankful helps us to enjoy the right now, to be thankful for what has been, and to have a hope for what will be. When we are thankful for what we already have, we don’t have time to wish we had more. Thankful people maximize what they already have.
Sowing into the lives of others: Sowing and reaping is one of the greatest principles that God has set up in the earth. God looks at the idea of a person not reaping what he has sown as mockery toward himself. It just doesn’t happen. God does not allow himself to be mocked in that way. Whatever a person sows, he will reap (Galatians 6:7). That’s God’s word and his word is bond. Therefore, as singles we should not be lacking in anything as long as we have some seed to sow, and God gives seed to those who have a heart to sowv. So, if we need love, we should find someone to sow love into for example, a church mother, widow, elder person, family member, or a child that we are mentoring. The point is if we sow love we will get love in return. If we sow our listening ear, we will get a listening ear. Sowing and reaping isn’t just about money although it can be used in that manner. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to look back after we are ready to settle down and get married and see all of the fruit of our labor as singles and say to ourselves wow that was really something.
Unfortunately, a lot of people who are married now did not have such fortunate single lives as some of us have been afforded the opportunity to have. Some people, who are now married, wasted their singleness trying to fit in doing any and everything under the sun that they should not have been doing and have nothing to show for it.
Others married before they really realized who they were, or what they wanted out of life. Some married people leave their marriages to find themselves. While others wait until they are finished raising their kids to pursue their dreams. If God has given you an opportunity now as a single to be productive as you enjoy your life and change the lives of others in a positive way than maximize that gift until he decides to say you’ve done well with that gift now here is another gift. Remember, that is what God did with the stewards over the talents in Matthew 25. Those, who were productive received more, but those who weren’t productive, what they had got taken away. Be sure to honor the current gift of singleness.
Finally, Not forgetting to do something for yourself: This is the one that I had been the weakest at,but I must say that I’ve gotten much better at being purposeful to do something for myself. Unfortunately, as singles sometimes we can do so much for others that we forget about ourselves and maybe some of the things that we would like to do. If you’ve always loved to dance, now is the time to take your dancing class, if you love to travel, than budget your money and get your travel on. Make some time for yourself to do things that you enjoy.
iFor I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. 1 Corinthians 7:7 (KJV)
God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others. 1 Corinthians 7:7 (Message Bible)
ii The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 1 Corinthians 7:34
iiiFollow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: Hebrews 12:14
iv Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Matthew 5:14-15
v Now he that ministereth seed to the sower both minister bread for your food, and multiply your seed sown, and increase the fruits of your righteousness; 2 Corinthians 9:10
3 Comments Common Misconceptions Single Men and Women Have About One Another: 11/28/20140 Comments Picture Common Misconceptions Single Men and Women Have About One Another
A while back we did a radio show on some of the common misconceptions that single Christian men have about women, and women have about men. In case you missed that episode, I’ve posted a snippet of the male-perspective below and also me closing out the topic for that evening. Please, feel free to share your thoughts on the comment thread. Open and honest dialogue is always encouraged here on Intercession For A Generation’s blog:
What do you think of the questions:
1.) A Christian woman who doesn’t appear desperate for a man must not want a man?
2.) A Christian woman who is serious about practicing abstinence before marriage will not want to have sex after marriage?
My take on the above is that hopefully as a Christian single we are not desperate for a spouse whether we are a man or a woman because when a person is desperate that is when a person begins to settle.
God hasn’t called anyone of us to settle. He has called us to his best. If we are honest, we don’t want someone to be with us because they are settling for us, but we want them to be all in to the point where they don’t want anyone but us if they had the choice to choose someone else. We want someone who is willing to commit to us to make it work in the good, bad, happy, and sad times not someone who said I’m just tired of being single.
Desperate should never be our demeanor as single women or men. Forget about a biological clock. We serve the God who split the red sea. He is able to exceed our expectations.
As far as men being afraid that women won’t want to engage in appropriate marital affections, men need to entrust this to God that the wife that God sends them will be appropriate for them. Being abstinent until marriage doesn’t make me want to refrain from sex after marriage, but to me it increases a curiosity and intensity of the sexual experience at the appropriate time.
Sometimes, I feel like the devil throws lies at singles in order to get them to believe that God’s way is not the best way. I often get kids asking me what if my spouse doesn’t have sex right or know how to kiss. I tell them to go to a sex therapist and work it out. There is just simply no excuse not to do things God’s way.
Before marriage, pre-marriage counseling needs to take place that discusses the sexual expectations and so forth of the partners. Every woman is unique. It’s often portrayed that men think about sex more than women and women don’t like sex, but I beg to differ with those portrayals.
Most women when treated right with the love and affection that she needs from a man is turned on by that and ready to go. There are both men and women who love sex that are saved Christians, but women’s physical response is fueled in a different way than a man’s is. If the husband takes a wife and treats her right, I just don’t believe he will have anything to worry about. What are your thoughts on these questions? Are there any other common misconceptions you would like to discuss?
Sometimes we need to be reminded to remain thankful especially when we go through challenges that would tempt us to complain and murmur about our situations. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 reminds us to give thanks in every circumstance stating that it’s God’s will or bidding for us to do so. Being thankful also comes with certain benefits.
We began to get closer to God when we thank him: Psalms 22:3 says that God inhabits or dwells in the praises of his people. God’s word tells us that we can enter into the courts of the Lord through praise and thanksgiving (Psalms 16:11). Isn’t it nice that we as believers can have our own peaceful little sanctuary of praise wherever we are at and no matter what is going on around us just by tapping into God’s presence with praise and thanksgiving. Abiding in God has benefits of it’s own. John 15 states that when we abide in God, we bring forth fruit. In other words, we end up doing what we should do as believers just by abiding in God, and depending on him and his word.
I think abiding in God increases our appreciation for him because we are reminded of how good he is, and we are provoked by what he did for us in sending his son and his word, that we are able to do the things that we naturally would not do in order to live for him and bring forth good fruit.
Thankfulness fills a person up with joy: Because thanksgiving is a way to enter into God’s presence, once we get there our joy can become full because in God’s presence is the fullness of joy (Psalms 16:11). When we go back to John 15 it states that God shared the things in that particular chapter of John so that our joy would be full. Things such as abiding in Christ Jesus, bringing forth fruit, and asking what we will if we are asking according to his word, and it will be done for us[i].
It’s easier to be happy when we are thankful, not complaining or murmuring about our situations, than when we are complaining and murmuring. Ever noticed how unhappy we feel after we complain? Complaining and murmuring do not solve our issues, but being thankful does, and it helps us to get through negative situations much easier with joy and gladness instead of with discontent and anger. We need to be careful when we start getting into our flesh over circumstance. What helps me in those situations is to pray and ask God to re-focus my attention on what he is saying in the moment.
The Lord knows how to work things out in our favor. Recently, I had to pray to God to re-focus me on what he was saying due to a situation I had with a professional associate of mine who I felt was acting against me. I was reminded that when God is pleased with us his word says he will make our enemies to be at peace with us[ii]. This scripture has been the case in the situation, and I am at peace with the individual despite the wrong done.
Focusing on God first, and abiding in his word is really the pattern to which we as believers should live our lives. It’s always a good thing to re-focus on this at the end of the year to begin the new year on the right foot.
Finally, when we are thankful, we make room for more: Godliness with contentment is great gain (1 Timothy 6:6). Being thankful makes us content with the things we have instead of complaining about what we do not have which makes room for God to bless us with even more. Years ago when I was still in college, I used to work at Fuddruckers’ restaurant. One time it was the end of the night and we were just about to close when several congressmen came into the restaurant, Jesse Jackson Jr., David Miller, Rev. James T. Meeks and a whole entourage of congressmen, their wives, and children came in at the last minute. I told Jesse Jackson Jr., “I’m sorry we are supposed to be closed. I will have to check with my manager to see if we can take more customers.” He responded, “yes please.” I went and talked to the manager who had us stay a little later to make sure that they were served.
After making sure they had everything they needed, I was tipped $5 by the Rev. Meeks so I threw my hands up and said thank you Jesus. He then pulled out $5 more, and said since you are praising God, I will give you five more dollars. I was happy at the end of the night because I wasn’t expecting to get ten extra dollars. I normally did not get a tip at all from working at Fuddruckers unless I filled in for the busboy for the night. Back then ten extra dollars was a lot of money as a college student. There’s just something about being thankful that makes a person want to do more to go above and beyond.
[i] If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.. John 15:7 (KJV)
[ii] When aman’swaysplease the Lord, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him. Proverbs 16:7 (KJV)
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