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Series on Sisterhood Part 3: Jealousy:

Jealousy comes from a person who has already made an evaluation of themselves that they do not measure up, yet the person that they are comparing themselves to does and thus they have chosen to become jealous of that person comparing themselves to her and becoming covetous of her desiring what she has.

I know the Bible says to honor others better than yourselves, but that out of humility and love and not out of jealousy (Romans 12:10). We are supposed to have such an appropriate image of ourselves that we have to humble ourselves in order to view our sisters or brothers higher than ourselves.

The Bible says that Jesus being in the fashion of a man thought it not robbery to be equal with God, but he humbled himself unto the cross. That means that Jesus was full of confidence knowing who he was. He knew that he was God but being found in the form of a man made a conscious choice to humble himself all the way to the cross. End result was that Jesus was exalted you know the rest.

We are to follow the same example having a confident evaluation of who we are so much so that we are not distracted by our sisters, but we have to humble ourselves to place our sisters above ourselves in honor. We should not look at our sister with jealousy and covetousness wishing we had the attention that she has, the beauty that she has, gifts, talents, and wisdom that she has. We need to know that we all are the bomb.com, and with all of our gifts, talents, and beauty working together we are a beautiful air of praise and worship unto a holy God who made us. We are at our best when we are whole and complete realizing our value and worth. It causes us to realize the value and worth of others as well.

Therefore, jealousy is rooted in an inappropriate evaluation of ourselves, and when this happens we need to do a self-love check. So that after we have the appropriate image of ourselves we can like Jesus make a choice out of humility to honor our sisters instead of putting them down through jealousy, covetousness, envy, and strife to make ourselves feel better because of our poor evaluation of ourselves.
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:10

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Series on Sisterhood Part Two: Rejection

Rejection and fear are the roots of a lot of issues that women deal with between one another. These root issues separate us making our relationships weak to non-existent. The end result of the mess that rejection brings about through jealousy, envy, and strife often leads women to an end of isolation. Everyone knows that isolation while at times can be a good thing if it draws us closer to God causing us to depend on him more, can also be a bad thing because people who are isolated in some forms can stunt their own growth. They often aren’t used to dealing with someone else correcting them. They are used to their own opinions with no opposing opinion which can open the door for pride. Isolated people also learn to be guarded people putting up walls taking on a spirit of I can do it all by myself. I don’t need anyone’s help which is not true. We all need one another.

Isolation can cause a person to be easy prey for the enemy as well. That’s why it’s good to bounce off feelings and thoughts on sisters to get a balanced perspective and not to drown in negativity. For some reason, it seems that our thoughts or at least my thoughts lean more toward the negative unless I direct them toward more positive thoughts intentionally.

Rejection is the fear of not being good enough, not being able to measure up, or being able to obtain something that we want. Rejection of one’s self leads to competition with others. Instead of appreciating our own uniqueness, we focus so much on the uniqueness of others that we despise ourselves and begin to emulate others thinking maybe then we will be accepted. All of this is rooted in the wrong perspective of ourselves the perspective of rejection.

My question to the rejected is who told you that you were rejected? Who told you that you were not good enough? We need to stop listening to the wrong opinion of ourselves because this will show up in the relationships that God is trying to give us with other women as sisters and cause us to forfeit those relationships which will cause us to potentially forfeit our growth in walking upstream against the tide of what has become so common with women rejection, competition, pride, envy, and strife.

Rejection and fear go hand in hand. Fear robs us of our peace causing us to be anxious. Fear of being alone. Well, if I am not pretty enough, I will not end up with anyone. Well, if I do not compete I will end up with nothing in the end. God says I have not given you the spirit of fear, but of love, power, and of a sound mind. Fear of rejection shows a lack of trust in God because us obtaining his promises are not contingent on how good we are or how pretty we are, but on how much we believe in God, and when we have faith and believe we will be willing to endure through anything until our promise is fulfilled.

Rejection is something that we all will have to face in our lives. We all have moments when we don’t feel good enough or pretty enough, but we have to have enough of the love of God in our hearts to push pass how we feel walking in love anyway toward ourselves first and then toward others.

There is so much pressure placed on women to be beautiful, to stand out that we do not always balance our image of ourselves well. I remember having a conversation with one of my friends back in college years ago at SSC (South Suburban College). We were having a conversation about how some women are so beautiful that we would not think that they would ever have problems with self-esteem. The young lady told me that she thought that I would be one of those girls who would not have a problem with self-esteem. I thought to myself hmm, don’t know why she would have that idea, I’m just me you know nothing extra special.

The reality is that sometimes we can reject ourselves when other people aren’t even thinking about us in a negative way. Sometimes, God may give our sister the right perspective of us or other people to re-affirm us, but we cannot see it ourselves because of the rejection. We all no matter how beautiful the world may consider us, deal with insecurities and rejection and that is why we need a relationship with God and one another to build each other up.

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Series on Sisterhood Part One:

As a woman who is the only girl of four brothers besides my sister who was still-born, I can appreciate having sisters. Some older and some younger, but there is something unique, special, and comforting about having sisters. We all come in various shapes, sizes, and personalities, but share some core similarities.

Those similarities cause us to understand each other and are a sure reminder that we are not alone. Similarities include the desire to be loved, desired, seen about, and feel pretty, valued and precious to someone. What better bond to build with someone than the bond between sisters with common understanding, desires and goals.

Sisters need one another. I’ve had a few older sisters and some younger who I’ve learned things from such as beauty secrets, appropriate and inappropriate behavior, how to have faith in God for things I did not see nor understand, and just to pick me up when I have moments that I stop believing in myself.

Sisters with the right spirit are confidants, mothers when necessary, iron that sharpens, and encouragers at all times. They love genuinely covering faults without judgement, but instead possess a listening and understanding ear. In a time, where many men are not available to cover women the way that a man should, God often uses the close knit of sisters to fill this gap.

This is why Satan fights godly sisterhood so much because it is a strong weapon against his agenda of destroying women. In this series on sisterhood, we will look at some of Satan’s weapons against sisterhood and how they can be overcome.

In the upcoming weeks we will discuss rejection which is a root to most of the problems between women, jealousy, covetousness, self-love, and contentment. Stay tuned for more interviews and wisdom on the, “Series on Sisterhood.”

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The wise woman is a builder:

Godly men cover and wise women build: It is amazing how God made men and women to compliment each other. It is truly a gift from God. A wise woman when she sees her husband’s insecurities or weaknesses makes a consistent choice to deal with them in a manner that will build her husband up instead of to tear him down.

Sometimes doing so will require a woman to be silent, while other times she may just apply wisdom in how she says something or she may only say something if what she says will validate her man. This can be practiced for the single ladies who one day desire a husband as well through practice on male figures in her life whether a father, brother, teacher, mechanic, pastor, or brother in the Lord.

For example, one day I was driving my parents home from somewhere and as I got to the intersection of the expressway ramp I got in the correct lane to face the direction of where my parents lived. My dad adamantly told me several times I was in the wrong lane. I knew I was in the correct lane. So, the first time I just said this way was the correct way, I take this way all the time.

After several wrong attempts to get me to switch lanes as we waited at the stop light, I just decided to remain silent and when he sees the familiar landmarks after the light changes he’ll know. Finally, the light changed. I continued to make my turn and walla, my dad could see that I was right. Instead of making a big deal, I simply said that’s okay, I used to get confused too while taking this exit. I could tell my dad was embarrassed, but not for long because it ended with the correction.

Not dwelling on mistakes, weaknesses, or faults, but covering, reaffirming and building up instead ought to be our model as women to maintain the respect that men need just as we need to be reaffirmed in knowing that we are loved and worthy of love.

I imagine myself now building up my husband making him feel 9 ft. tall despite his stature or insecurities. I would say something like this G rated version lol:

“You are the best man I have ever met in my whole life.”

Next, I’d tell him why. Okay, this is TMI, but I secretly imagine myself telling someone this that I’ve got my eye on. Blush face…That real man of God stuff has chicks like whoa!

But until my opportunity comes, I make my resolve to be a builder.

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Why both Gay and Straight, Christian and Non-Christians Dishonor Marriage?

Everybody is talking about the Supreme Court decision to make marriage legal between those of the same sex in all states within the United States of America trying to get a reaction from people and see if it will garner more support or resistance. Simply put, there are just some things that are right and some things that are wrong no matter who signs off on it saying that it is okay. A common parallel in this country is the dishonoring of marriage in general.

Quick foundation for the biblical purpose for marriage: The Biblical purpose for marriage is found in Ephesians 5 where marriage is called a mystery that is to reflect the relationship between Jesus Christ and the church (Those of us who follow Christ).

The scriptures plainly say that a man is to love his wife as Christ loves the church and gave himself for it, and the woman is to respect and submit to her husband as the church is to submit to Christ. Ephesians 5:25-32

Non-Christians who are straight will not have this understanding nor seek to reflect this in their pursuit of marriage. Just like gay people will not understand nor seek to reflect this either with man and man and woman and woman.

Simply put man and woman together were made in God’s image. Genesis 5:1-2

Therefore, there is no need for debate, convincing, questioning or any such thing. It is plainly laid out in scripture and in nature. Homosexuality goes a bit further because it goes against the very course of nature. A person doesn’t have to be a theologian to know that there is something wrong with homosexual relationships.

Straight people or Christians dishonor marriage when we walk in our selfish lusts practicing fornication or seeking marriage only to satisfy our selfish lusts and not seeking to honor God with our covenant. Also, when we get married and trade in our spouses for the next hot thing because our wives or husbands just don’t do it for us anymore. Or the man who is married to a woman, but beats the daylights out of her or the woman married to a man, but emasculates her husband.

All of these things dishonor marriage which represents covenant and love. God represents covenant and love. The Bible says that God is love and greater love has no man than this than that a man would lay down his life for his friends (John 15:13).

Although, we separate ourselves from God with sin, God calls us his friends. The story is told in the Bible of the woman who was caught in the very act of her sin. She was dishonoring marriage through adultery. The scribes and pharisees bought the woman to Jesus to accuse her, and Jesus’ response goes like this:

He that is without sin, let him cast the first stone. The scripture says that everyone left one by one putting down their stones. It was only Jesus and the woman left together and Jesus asked the woman where are your accusers. She said they are all gone. He said neither do I accuse you either, go and sin no more.

Jesus’ response declared all men under sin and in need of forgiveness. No one had the power to accuse the other. We are all alike at the very mercy of God. The whole point of this blog post is that we all fall short. We all do things that are not right even if it’s just an inappropriate thought. Jesus revealed himself not to accuse the world, but for those that would believe in him and come to him, they would have life and that more abundantly.

There is nothing too hard, or too big for God not to be able to handle. I am currently reading in the book of Isaiah and the below scriptures stand out to me:

Come now, let us settle the matter, says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the good things of the land; but if you resist and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword.” For the mouth of the Lord has spoken it. Isaiah 1:18-20

In this particular chapter of Isaiah, God was upset because his people kept offering him sacrifices. Similar to what we do in America by praising God with the Hallelujahs, Thank you Jesus’, and glory to Gods. God was saying he doesn’t want that. He has more than enough of that. What he wants is to settle the matters in our lives that we are looking past as if they are okay. God doesn’t want to hear a thank you Jesus and we are in bed with the same sex, or a married man slapping his wife around and praising the Lord as if it is okay. God is saying no bump all that. Let’s settle this not with the Supreme court, not with the preacher or the Christian brother or sister that we look to in order to justify our sins, but with God himself the one who made us.

He is the one who has the power to forgive sins and to cause us to sin no more when we come to him in a manner of being willing to be obedient. He makes up for the rest of what we lack. That’s what grace is and that’s what real love is. It’s Jesus Christ and we all need him. Amen!

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Sometimes you have to go down before you can go up:

Let the brother of low degree rejoice in that he is exalted:But the rich, in that he is made low: because as the flower of the grass he shall pass away. James 1:9-10

There are times when we as believers will have to go down before going up. The above scriptures talk about various circumstances as believers where one brother is in a humbling circumstance and how that person ought to rejoice because the next step will be for him to be exalted.

The other brother is rich and he should also rejoice because he will be made low. In this world that we live in, the humbling experience is often despised, while the season of richness and fulness is celebrated, but in the kingdom of God we ought to celebrate both circumstances because both circumstances are necessary. The humbling experience is necessary to produce the humility that we will need in our season of fullness. The richness is necessary to give us faith for something to look forward to while in our seasons of humbling circumstance. Both of these seasons are necessary as believers and produce the fruit of depending on and acknowledging God in every season whether up or down abounding or in abasement. Apostle Paul said that he learned how to live in both seasons and that is how through the process of humility and exaltation. Whatever season that we may be in our process in life, we can be sure that God is faithful to provide the strength and grace for us to go on to the next season.

I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:12
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

We have to become as children as Jesus tells his disciples in Matthew 18 when they are debating among themselves who will be the greatest in the kingdom of God. Basically, Jesus interrupts their train of thought causing them not to focus on being the greatest as they understand, but being like a child who knows that he must depend on his parents for everything just as we must depend on the Lord the author and finisher of our faith. When we get lifted up in pride, and decide to go after vain-glory, and our perspectives shifts to that of the world and this carnal nature, that is when we can begin to rejoice knowing that God will allow humbling circumstances to come and shift our perspective to that of a child who looks up to his God who made him as children look to their parents who made them and are greater than them.

Even Jesus the head of the body of Christ humbled himself as a man finding himself in the fashion of a man although he was God in the flesh. Afterward, he was highly exalted above all that at the name of Jesus every knee must bow and every month confess that he is Lord (Philippians 2:5-9).

If you are in a humbling circumstance right now, get happy because God will next begin to exalt you. Sometimes, when God exalts us, it’s hard to remember the pain of the humbling experience that we had to go through to get there because God has done such a great work.

That’s how the Lord does. He gives us beauty for ashes and restores the joy of those who place their trust in him. So, be encouraged as you ride the waves of life going up and also going down.

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It’s easier said than done to refrain from our way of doing things trusting God, but the result is so worth it:

Giving up our way of doing things is easier said than done. We try over and over again to bring things to pass on our own ignoring the need to rest in God allowing his promises to simply come to pass. When we are do things according to our own understanding, we try, work, toil, and do various different things on our own to bring things to pass that are already given to us and promised to us.

When we choose to put our trust in the Lord though it doesn’t make any sense to us, God always comes through and provides.

Recently, I’ve been meditating on the story of Issac and Abraham when Abraham was asked to sacrifice his son. It took faith and a putting off of his own understanding to get his son of promise. We all know that Abraham was old approximately 99 when he had his child Issac. His natural situation along with his wife’s was pretty much dead. There would be no producing of a child without the supernatural intervention of God.

Similar to many of our situations: Some of our situations are dead. We have tried all types of things to produce God’s promise in our lives on our own to no avail. When we get tired of doing things our way and decide to rest in God’s covenant and just obey him even when it doesn’t make good sense, we can expect God to move on our behalf.

Abraham is a man in the Bible marked by faith. The Bible says when God first told Abraham about a child of promise, he believed. Abraham’s faith and trust grew more in the Lord and he was finally granted his son. Now that he had gotten that thing that he had so patiently waited on. It was time for a test. Abraham, “Do you still love me more than anything? Are you still willing to obey me more than anything now that you have gotten your promise?”

God tests Abraham asking him to sacrifice his son. Abraham again responds in faith knowing God’s character he trusts the Lord all the way saying that God will provide a sacrifice and my son and I will come back (Genesis 22:5). He gets everything ready to sacrifice his son and an angel from heaven yells stop, do not harm the boy. God says, “Now I know you still fear me (reverence me, hold me in high esteem) because you have not held back your son your only son.

That thing that was most precious to Abraham that he had believed God for, God wanted Abraham to not get so caught up in it that he would forget and no longer reverence the Lord. After God was able to see that Abraham was still willing to honor and obey God despite the promise he provided Abraham with more.

The whole ordeal ends with Abraham saying that God will provide. The reality is God will provide everything that he has promised us. That is his character and who he is. He keeps his word, but he wants more importantly to fellowship with us which can only be done when we reverence him. He wanted to make sure he still had Abraham’s heart after the gift had been given, and it was so.

When we are willing to let go from our way of doing things and rest in God following and trusting closely in him, we too will experience seeing God’s fulfilling of his promises in our lives and that along with a deeper intimacy and faith toward the Lord like Abraham.

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The Scarcity of Godly Men and Women and how it Hurts the Ability for Healthy Relationships:

There is a perceived scarcity of godly men and women due to many men and women of God being separated, but despite the perceived scarcity the providence and ability of God is much greater than any perceived scarcity.

My friend and I were talking this weekend about why guys sometimes operate the way that they do. I proposed the lack of teaching, guidance, and direction in the church for how a man is to pursue a woman as well as the perceived scarcity of mature Christian men and women. She agreed. She said that guys will pick girls like flowers and put them in a basket as he peeps the field for the best flowers. Either he finds a flower that he thinks is better or if not he goes back to his basket and picks one from there.

My response was that’s cool as long as he isn’t leading on every girl in his basket because the ones that aren’t chosen will have to deal with rejection, and fear of not being good enough or pretty enough. These are all distractions from being the confident woman that God desires for us to be.

This is just my take and I am not an expert just a young woman learning and growing. I feel that there has been within some circles a since of scarcity for mature Christian men and women of God. Therefore, when a guy who may be somewhat mature sees a beautiful mature woman of God, he feels he’s got to jump right on her locking her down before the next dude gets to her, but the problem with this is once the guy gets her interest and realizes he isn’t ready for such a big commitment, he freezes up and falls back.

This could be a good thing if the brother realized that he was moving on his own accord and not by the leading of God. In that sense, he has prevented some heartache, and yet caused some as well. However, with the grace and love of God, mutual respect and understanding communication this can be overcome.

This is why my take would be to just be friends as much as possible checking one another out, but keeping it to ourselves until we are serious and sure that we want to pursue a relationship that pleases and honors God. In this way the girls emotions are protected because the gentleman and woman together have set appropriate expectations. Also, it isn’t fair to just get with somebody because we feel they are the only man or woman of God out there. In that case, we may find ourselves settling for someone God doesn’t have for us, or ignoring serious issues to have someone.

This is why I love the below scripture that implies that there is a need to be full of good things to make a good decision instead of making a decision out of famine:

One who is full loathes honey from the comb, but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet. Proverbs 27:7

The person who makes the choice for a relationship out of famine or lack, may not make the best choice.

This is why I believe God is bringing me into more fellowship with appropriate and godly men as well as women to balance out the skewed perceptions that we so easily get by seeing negative men or women on a consistent basis. This also helps us to be more laid back and relaxed about God’s will concerning the spouse that he may have promised some of us because our faith becomes strengthened seeing that it is possible to have appropriate interactions with the opposite sex.

I pray that single believers including myself would become so full off of the love of God, healthy, pure, and non compromising relationships with the opposite sex preferably in group settings that a mate choice is not made out of desperation or famine, but the wisdom, providence, and divine leading of the Lord. This will prevent some of the emotional roller coasters and help us to protect our hearts while we wait for God’s best and despite what you have been through, you are worthy of God’s best. God made each one of us the answer to someone’s prayers and worthy to receive love.

Instead of viewing godly persons of the opposite sex as a scarcity, we should view them as a rarity meaning uncommon, highly-prized, and rare. Scarcity implies nearly non-existent or not enough, when rarity implies existence that is hidden due to it’s high value. That’s who we are.

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Are you willing to lose your life for God’s Best?

Are you willing to lose your life for God’s Best

For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. Luke 9:24

What if we could hinder our own blessings by trying to do things our own way? What if singles could delay God’s best for them by trying to fabricate God’s best for them on their own? Worrying, not trusting God, but trusting only what we see. All of these things can be a hindrance to the working of the miraculous in our lives.

Recently, I’ve been reading about Esther, one of my favorite persons from the Bible. I was passionately moved as I meditated on Chapter 5 when her uncle Mordecai shared the plot of Haman to destroy all of the Jewish people. She responded with the obvious at first saying, “Well if I go before the king unannounced everyone knows that it is the law for that person to be killed unless the King’s scepture is raised.”

Mordecai shared how she would not escape the sword just because she was the queen, and if necessary God would raise up deliverance from elsewhere to save his people, but she would perish. He shared what if God called you to the kingdom for such a time as this?

Her final response was for Mordecai to instruct the Jews to fast for 3 days and afterward she would approach the king and my favorite part, “If I Perish, I Perish.”

How lovely that at that point the queen Esther was willing to give up all that she had inherited the lavish life, the notoriety of the kingdom, and her very life if necessary. When she decided to give up her very life and the way that she was used to doing things for the sake of the kingdom of God and her fellow Jewish brothers and sisters, that is when she saw the hand of the miraculous.

She acknowledged God through fasting and prayer, went and approached the king in faith and God not only gave her favor with the King granting her request, but he exceeded her expectations. She was offered whatever she wanted up to half of the kingdom, she had Haman and his 10 sons hanged. A new bill was written for the Jews to defend themselves reversing what had happened. Instead of the Jews being in fear of everyone else, everyone became in fear of the Jews.

The point is there is a crisis in the land just as it was with Esther. Our crisis just looks different in this day and time. She was positioned by God specifically to bring remedy to that crisis. When she decided to consider more than herself being willing to give up her life if necessary, she got her life back and much more. If we are willing to do the same thing in our lives being faithful to where God has positioned us, we will see God’s best as well.

29 And Jesus answered and said, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel’s,

30 But he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life. Mark 10:29-30

What you sow is what you will reap. God sees our sacrifices for his kingdom and will reward us. There is no one who seeks God’s way of doing things diligently that God does not reward. Continue to put God first and his way of doing things and prepare to see God’s best in your life.

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:6

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