I’m sure lots of girlfriend relationships have been severed over this especially if the guy has shown interest in both of the girls. This could be a test to test the relationship and the love of God that should be operating inside of us. This situation tests what we say we believe, whether our trust is in God. Also, whether our self-love and love for our neighbor is intact.

The best thing to do in this situation now that you have a foundation of self-love, contentment, value and worth, and loving and valuing others is to make your resolve or decision to humble yourself in the situation preferring to honor your sister above yourself, not to compete with her, but to continue to love her, and that is what real sisters do. Even in the face of testing, and trying temptation they will love at all times (Proverbs 17:17).

She will love for real enduring all things with you, not being self-seeking. If she has to give up the idea of being with a brother to preserve the love for her sister or add to the well being of her sister she will do so because she is a woman characterized by love. That is what real sisters do.

They love one another and cover one another even when it is hard. In the time, during testing is when we will either make a choice to walk in our flesh following the wisdom of the world that says girl you better compete, it ain’t hardly no good dudes out here, get yours while you can, or you will walk in the Spirit trusting in God saying I have never seen the righteous forsaken nor his seed begging for bread (what is needed, proper nourishment.) We have to trust in the Lord to take care of our needs. It is a choice to love our sisters and to remain in proper fellowship with them.

There are many devices in a man’s heart; nevertheless the counsel of the Lord, that shall stand. Proverbs 19:21

What wisdom will you follow? What choice will you make?

Watch the supplemental video below regarding liking the same guy:

As godly women who value God-given covenant relationship, we have to be willing to do the hard work in order to maintain those relationships when God exposes what’s in our hearts. We briefly touched on Cain in the Bible who killed his brother Able because of jealousy in the last blog post. Cain’ s problem was that he was not willing to do the work to get pass what God was exposing in his heart.

God used Cain’ s brother Able as sort of a mirror to expose what was in Cain’ s heart, and God does the same thing with us using covenant relationships to sharpen us making us better for his own glory. This was a good thing. A good relationship that would sharpen Cain and make him better, but he was not willing to do the work.

Cain wanted it easy. He just wanted the hard and uncomfortable situation to be over therefore he took things into his own hands continuing in the flesh making matters worse. Cain simply chose pride rather than humility. The Bible says with pride comes shame, but with the lowly there is wisdom (Proverbs 11:2).

In other words, pride says you have exposed me and shown that I am not perfect, I can no longer hide behind my cloak of perfection. I don’t like this. This has to end. I have to cover my shame, but when we seek to cover our shame by continuing in pride and flesh, we end up bringing more shame and ultimately judgement which is what happened in Cain’ s case.

He was judged to walk the earth several years as a wanderer and no one was supposed to kill him. The contrast of the above mentioned scripture is with the lowly there is wisdom. In other words, when we allow ourselves to realize we don’t have it all together to the point of humility, God is willing to give us wisdom to work through our imperfections whether it is jealousy or whatever the case may be with the lowly there is wisdom.

We see this picture being painted for Cain as an offer from God when God says to Cain if you do well Will you not be accepted (Genesis 4:6-7). In other words, if you humble yourself and come to me for help I will help you with what I’ve allowed to be exposed in your heart and you will be accepted. I want to accept your sacrifice Cain let me show you how I can accept it.

If you do not understand the story at this point, you may want to take a look at Genesis 4 to see the story of how Cain became Jealous of his brother.

The conversation between Cain and God there shows a strong characteristic of God which is how he resists the proud, but gives Grace to the humble. The truth is humility is needed and should always be our choice when God exposes sin in us. It shows our need to depend on Christ and what he did on the cross to complete his work of salvation and regeneration in us.

When God exposes sin in us, it is because he has already set aside the grace for us to work through it if we choose humility. This process of humility is so important in maintaining all good relationships whether brother, sister, mother, or father. It will also be needed in the closest covenant relationship that we will have which is the marriage relationship. We cannot just check out in our flesh as it pertains to pride, and murder our spouse’s character or spirit because of jealousy and pride. We have to do the mature thing and choose humility going to the Lord for his wisdom and both us and our spouses will be made better for it.

Look at your current covenant relationships with your sisters as such preparing you with the life skills needed for a healthy marriage one day.

The wrong response to the emotion or spirit of jealousy is to walk in an unsettled and warring spirit that basically breeds strife, contention, pride, division, and confusion. This should not be among the women of God. This is how friends are separated and relationships are severed. The Bible talks about how jealousy is as cruel as the grave.

A person ruled by jealousy will not stop at assaulting a person’s character until they feel like they have killed the other person. This may not be a physical murder although it can in some cases be such as with Cain and Able in the Bible, but figuratively it is a murdering of another person’s spirit where that person becomes bound up like the person who is jealous of them.

Instead of both women being confident and building one another up, the result becomes two women walking in their insecurities, comparing themselves to others, and not being who God called them to be. That is not sexy, lady-like, nor God like. It just becomes an ugly mess and that is not what God wants.
Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Song of Solomon 8:6Love is what overcomes jealousy and love is what will need to be perfected in those who walk in a jealous spirit. As mentioned before love for one’s self that is gained through our relationship and fellowship with God and spills over into love for our sisters.

 A woman who embraces a spirit of jealousy doesn’t have a problem with her sister. She really has a problem with herself, and the emphasis placed on her sister is a distraction from her dealing with her own self-rejection.

The greatest commandment is to love God with all of our hearts, all of our souls, all of our minds and all of our strength and to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.

It is clear based on scripture that the best way to love someone else is to first love ourselves. In order to love ourselves we have to get the appropriate image of ourselves which comes from God. God says that he made us in a manner to be fearfully and wonderfully made. That means that he cut no corners in making us but was very specific about how he made us. We have the beautiful skin that we have intentionally by God and he calls it wonderful. We have the eyes, face, and nose that we have intentionally by God and he calls it wonderful.

We have the voice that we have intentionally by God and he calls it wonderful. We have gifts discovered and non-discovered intentionally by God and he calls it wonderful. We have a God-given purpose specific to us given by God and he calls it wonderful. We each and every last one of us are God’s masterpiece or work of art. We’ve been made in God’s image bearing the reflection of the highest and most honorable that there is and God calls that good and wonderful. We have to know this for ourselves however, and this comes through our intimate relationship with God. The more time we spend with God the more he can make us better and reveal to us who we are causing us to love who he’s made us to be and to love others.

As it pertains to our beauty, the word of God tells us to adorn ourselves. That means we are supposed to look in the mirror at ourselves and say wow! You bad girl! We should adorn ourselves so, that it doesn’t matter if we are in a room with the most beautiful women in the world, we should not shrink back in becoming jealous because we know that we are our best and our best is necessary and intended by God.

Ask God to give you a style that looks radiant on you. Ask God to help you with your hairstyles and makeup and so forth and he will. If we lack any type of wisdom God is able to give us that wisdom that we lack. I pray all the time about styles of clothes, hairstyle ideas, make up etc. Sometimes, we have those moments as women where we can get in a slump from of neglecting to take care of ourselves by taking care of others.

We are natural nurturers you know. In those times, we need a pick me up quick to feel beautiful, whole, and valuable again. Go get your nails done or do your own sometimes, by a new outfit, take a cute selfie here and there, try a new doo. Schedule workout time or plan healthy meals, and take quiet time for yourself to just do you. All of these things will help us as women to be in a position where our self-love will be on full and thus we can pour that love on our sisters instead of jealousy, envy, and strife.

Lastly, God reminds us that we are loved and worthy of love as women whether single or married. Sometimes, he will allow a mentor to take interest in you who may be older or more mature. He may also speak into your spirit reminding you that he loves you and you are beautiful. He also uses family members, friends, and others to re-affirm how he feels about you. Other times, he will use a nice gentleman on the street to speak to you in a respectful manner reminding you that you are beautiful wanting nothing else but to say hello and to compliment you. We need to take all of the good in so that we can pour out good while rejecting the bad.

Watch the supplemental video below:

Jealousy comes from a person who has already made an evaluation of themselves that they do not measure up, yet the person that they are comparing themselves to does and thus they have chosen to become jealous of that person comparing themselves to her and becoming covetous of her desiring what she has.

I know the Bible says to honor others better than yourselves, but that out of humility and love and not out of jealousy (Romans 12:10). We are supposed to have such an appropriate image of ourselves that we have to humble ourselves in order to view our sisters or brothers higher than ourselves.

The Bible says that Jesus being in the fashion of a man thought it not robbery to be equal with God, but he humbled himself unto the cross. That means that Jesus was full of confidence knowing who he was. He knew that he was God but being found in the form of a man made a conscious choice to humble himself all the way to the cross. End result was that Jesus was exalted you know the rest.

We are to follow the same example having a confident evaluation of who we are so much so that we are not distracted by our sisters, but we have to humble ourselves to place our sisters above ourselves in honor. We should not look at our sister with jealousy and covetousness wishing we had the attention that she has, the beauty that she has, gifts, talents, and wisdom that she has. We need to know that we all are the bomb.com, and with all of our gifts, talents, and beauty working together we are a beautiful air of praise and worship unto a holy God who made us. We are at our best when we are whole and complete realizing our value and worth. It causes us to realize the value and worth of others as well.

Therefore, jealousy is rooted in an inappropriate evaluation of ourselves, and when this happens we need to do a self-love check. So that after we have the appropriate image of ourselves we can like Jesus make a choice out of humility to honor our sisters instead of putting them down through jealousy, covetousness, envy, and strife to make ourselves feel better because of our poor evaluation of ourselves.
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:10

View supplemental video below:

Rejection and fear are the roots of a lot of issues that women deal with between one another. These root issues separate us making our relationships weak to non-existent. The end result of the mess that rejection brings about through jealousy, envy, and strife often leads women to an end of isolation. Everyone knows that isolation while at times can be a good thing if it draws us closer to God causing us to depend on him more, can also be a bad thing because people who are isolated in some forms can stunt their own growth. They often aren’t used to dealing with someone else correcting them. They are used to their own opinions with no opposing opinion which can open the door for pride. Isolated people also learn to be guarded people putting up walls taking on a spirit of I can do it all by myself. I don’t need anyone’s help which is not true. We all need one another.

Isolation can cause a person to be easy prey for the enemy as well. That’s why it’s good to bounce off feelings and thoughts on sisters to get a balanced perspective and not to drown in negativity. For some reason, it seems that our thoughts or at least my thoughts lean more toward the negative unless I direct them toward more positive thoughts intentionally.

Rejection is the fear of not being good enough, not being able to measure up, or being able to obtain something that we want. Rejection of one’s self leads to competition with others. Instead of appreciating our own uniqueness, we focus so much on the uniqueness of others that we despise ourselves and begin to emulate others thinking maybe then we will be accepted. All of this is rooted in the wrong perspective of ourselves the perspective of rejection.

My question to the rejected is who told you that you were rejected? Who told you that you were not good enough? We need to stop listening to the wrong opinion of ourselves because this will show up in the relationships that God is trying to give us with other women as sisters and cause us to forfeit those relationships which will cause us to potentially forfeit our growth in walking upstream against the tide of what has become so common with women rejection, competition, pride, envy, and strife.

Rejection and fear go hand in hand. Fear robs us of our peace causing us to be anxious. Fear of being alone. Well, if I am not pretty enough, I will not end up with anyone. Well, if I do not compete I will end up with nothing in the end. God says I have not given you the spirit of fear, but of love, power, and of a sound mind. Fear of rejection shows a lack of trust in God because us obtaining his promises are not contingent on how good we are or how pretty we are, but on how much we believe in God, and when we have faith and believe we will be willing to endure through anything until our promise is fulfilled.

Rejection is something that we all will have to face in our lives. We all have moments when we don’t feel good enough or pretty enough, but we have to have enough of the love of God in our hearts to push pass how we feel walking in love anyway toward ourselves first and then toward others.

There is so much pressure placed on women to be beautiful, to stand out that we do not always balance our image of ourselves well. I remember having a conversation with one of my friends back in college years ago at SSC (South Suburban College). We were having a conversation about how some women are so beautiful that we would not think that they would ever have problems with self-esteem. The young lady told me that she thought that I would be one of those girls who would not have a problem with self-esteem. I thought to myself hmm, don’t know why she would have that idea, I’m just me you know nothing extra special.

The reality is that sometimes we can reject ourselves when other people aren’t even thinking about us in a negative way. Sometimes, God may give our sister the right perspective of us or other people to re-affirm us, but we cannot see it ourselves because of the rejection. We all no matter how beautiful the world may consider us, deal with insecurities and rejection and that is why we need a relationship with God and one another to build each other up.

As a woman who is the only girl of four brothers besides my sister who was still-born, I can appreciate having sisters. Some older and some younger, but there is something unique, special, and comforting about having sisters. We all come in various shapes, sizes, and personalities, but share some core similarities.

Those similarities cause us to understand each other and are a sure reminder that we are not alone. Similarities include the desire to be loved, desired, seen about, and feel pretty, valued and precious to someone. What better bond to build with someone than the bond between sisters with common understanding, desires and goals.

Sisters need one another. I’ve had a few older sisters and some younger who I’ve learned things from such as beauty secrets, appropriate and inappropriate behavior, how to have faith in God for things I did not see nor understand, and just to pick me up when I have moments that I stop believing in myself.

Sisters with the right spirit are confidants, mothers when necessary, iron that sharpens, and encouragers at all times. They love genuinely covering faults without judgement, but instead possess a listening and understanding ear. In a time, where many men are not available to cover women the way that a man should, God often uses the close knit of sisters to fill this gap.

This is why Satan fights godly sisterhood so much because it is a strong weapon against his agenda of destroying women. In this series on sisterhood, we will look at some of Satan’s weapons against sisterhood and how they can be overcome.

In the upcoming weeks we will discuss rejection which is a root to most of the problems between women, jealousy, covetousness, self-love, and contentment. Stay tuned for more interviews and wisdom on the, “Series on Sisterhood.”

Godly men cover and wise women build: It is amazing how God made men and women to compliment each other. It is truly a gift from God. A wise woman when she sees her husband’s insecurities or weaknesses makes a consistent choice to deal with them in a manner that will build her husband up instead of to tear him down.

Sometimes doing so will require a woman to be silent, while other times she may just apply wisdom in how she says something or she may only say something if what she says will validate her man. This can be practiced for the single ladies who one day desire a husband as well through practice on male figures in her life whether a father, brother, teacher, mechanic, pastor, or brother in the Lord.

For example, one day I was driving my parents home from somewhere and as I got to the intersection of the expressway ramp I got in the correct lane to face the direction of where my parents lived. My dad adamantly told me several times I was in the wrong lane. I knew I was in the correct lane. So, the first time I just said this way was the correct way, I take this way all the time.

After several wrong attempts to get me to switch lanes as we waited at the stop light, I just decided to remain silent and when he sees the familiar landmarks after the light changes he’ll know. Finally, the light changed. I continued to make my turn and walla, my dad could see that I was right. Instead of making a big deal, I simply said that’s okay, I used to get confused too while taking this exit. I could tell my dad was embarrassed, but not for long because it ended with the correction.

Not dwelling on mistakes, weaknesses, or faults, but covering, reaffirming and building up instead ought to be our model as women to maintain the respect that men need just as we need to be reaffirmed in knowing that we are loved and worthy of love.

I imagine myself now building up my husband making him feel 9 ft. tall despite his stature or insecurities. I would say something like this G rated version lol:

“You are the best man I have ever met in my whole life.”

Next, I’d tell him why. Okay, this is TMI, but I secretly imagine myself telling someone this that I’ve got my eye on. Blush face…That real man of God stuff has chicks like whoa!

But until my opportunity comes, I make my resolve to be a builder.