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Series on Sisterhood Finale: Contentment

Contentment is the key to overcoming covetousness. Jealousy and covetousness go hand in hand. Jealousy causes a person to be discontent with what she has and covetousness causes her to want what her sister has.

I was reading the below scripture and it just stood out to me that contentment is the key to overcoming covetousness:


Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as you have; for he hath said, I will never leave you, nor forsake you. Hebrews 13:25

If we can become content where we are, we can overcome covetousness, which is a very strong desire for something that God has not said belongs to us. Usually, we began becoming covetous through comparing ourselves with what someone else has, but we have to be content with the path that God has given us to walk. Covetousness can lead to being possessive and controlling over something that the Lord has not given us. James says it best.

You lust and desire to have. You kill and covet yet you do not have because you ask not and when you do ask it is only to consume your lusts. You adulterous or idolatrous people (James 4:1-3).

We cannot make idols out of our desires seeking only to gratify them. We have to seek God sincerely even when it means denying ourselves and saying no to the things that we want. Let’s allow our focus to be on being content where we are. Where we know God has called us instead of acquiring what we think we want

To sum up what we have learned and gone over in this series on sisterhood, the key points have been:

  • The importance of sisterhood
  • Understanding rejection as a root to jealousy, competition, and spite that often separates women
  • Self-love as a foundation to prevent such things starting with learning our worth and acceptance from God first
  • Applying that love and worth toward ourselves and projecting that love onto others including our sisters
  • Recognizing jealousy, and an inappropriate response to the emotion of jealousy versus humility that requires work.
  • Loving our sisters through hard times such as when liking the same guy
  • Contentment with ourselves appreciating the unique things about us that make us who we are

 All of these things applied will help us to stand together as women of strength, love and dignity representing our God and maximizing our fullest potential as women. I hope everyone enjoyed this Series on Sisterhood as much as I did.Enjoy the finale video below:

A friend loves at all times, and a brother (sister) is born for a time of adversity. Proverbs 17:17

Why Being a Virgin is no Joke: Thoughts on Born Again Virgin Show and Media’s Portrayal of Virgins

TV One has a new show out that highlights the hot topic of virginity. Everyone seems to be jumping on the band wagon, but everyone’s contribution to the topic is not necessarily beneficial to those of us who are seeking to maintain our virginity until marriage.

Some positives about the show is that it is starting a conversation on a serious topic that affects the well-being and health of a woman mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and socially. It also gives a lot of Black actors a job that we have not seen work in a long time, and the show is written by an all female writing team.

However, in my opinion not everything is positive about the show, but it’s a comedy and meant to entertain not to promote the ideal of doing things God’s way. Comedy is cool and fine to draw viewers and keep them drawn in, something I believe the show has done well, but rather suggestively and if you are a serious virgin like me, it may not be your show of choice if you want to continue down the path of purity.

I ain’t ashamed to say what my flesh cannot handle right now as a single woman because my flesh ain’t saved. It is just under subjection and just like it is under subjection it can get from under subjection if I allow it. So, I personally choose not to fan the flame.

Just like I take my sexuality seriously in small things such as guarding my thoughts from inappropriate innuendos on television; a person who wishes to practice abstinence rather a born again virgin or regular virgin will need to take it seriously as well. That will mean not dating just anybody and everybody who is not on the same page, setting realistic boundaries such as not kicking it in a man’s apartment that we aren’t married to, possibly no kissing, and simply following the leading of the Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit leads us and guides us into pathways of truth only. Living abstinent for me is not something that I could do on my own. If I am honest, which I am, I would share that my ability to practice abstinence has been contingent upon the fact that God himself has been my covering giving me wisdom, and guidance on who to keep around and who to let go of and how to be free from my own lust. We cannot continue to practice abstinence if we continue to flirt with sin and sexually compromising situations as the lead character in the show continues to place herself in.

If you take fire into your bosom, you are sure to get burnt. You cannot play with sin especially sexual sin. If I am getting to know a brother and notice a spirit of seduction on him coming at me, I cut him off. I ain’t got time for games. God gives us discernment for a reason. We have to use it. I remember talking to this one guy who thought he had a full-proof get the drawers plan, and it would have worked on me had I not cut him off.

Popular media often looks at virginity as just a sensational thing to try to tempt or disprove virgins as strange, weird, naive’ or imbalanced. It only focuses on the natural mocking or ignoring the spiritual. I have seen some strange reality shows on virgins looking straight foolish that has turned me off. If the media wants to tackle the issue of virginity in a balanced manner then they will need to seek out balanced virgins. We are not weird, freaky, creepy, naive’ and disconnected individuals. We are strong individuals who have made a clear choice to seek to honor God with our bodies and God grants us the ability to do so by his grace.

Being a virgin is not just a physical situation for popularity or sport. It’s not something you try on like a glove, but a choice that reflects a transformation from the inside out. A virgin has to renew her mind. She has to be pure in both body and spirit making a series of smaller choices that lead up to the big choice of no sex until marriage.

It is possible to be a virgin and still be impure in one’s thoughts. This is why we need the Lord and his word to help us to renew our minds and to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. We cannot walk around in our flesh trying to accomplish God’s will on our own.

While it is great that TV One has decided to tackle the topic of abstinence and virginity because of the conversation that surrounds the topic; it is not clear where the main character of the show will be going or how serious she really is about her choice to practice abstinence. Unless she takes things seriously and makes some serious changes, she will end up in a brother’s bed, and I will not be tuning in to watch

Series on Sisterhood Part 7: The Ultimate Jealousy Test – Liking the same Guy

I’m sure lots of girlfriend relationships have been severed over this especially if the guy has shown interest in both of the girls. This could be a test to test the relationship and the love of God that should be operating inside of us. This situation tests what we say we believe, whether our trust is in God. Also, whether our self-love and love for our neighbor is intact.

The best thing to do in this situation now that you have a foundation of self-love, contentment, value and worth, and loving and valuing others is to make your resolve or decision to humble yourself in the situation preferring to honor your sister above yourself, not to compete with her, but to continue to love her, and that is what real sisters do. Even in the face of testing, and trying temptation they will love at all times (Proverbs 17:17).

She will love for real enduring all things with you, not being self-seeking. If she has to give up the idea of being with a brother to preserve the love for her sister or add to the well being of her sister she will do so because she is a woman characterized by love. That is what real sisters do.

They love one another and cover one another even when it is hard. In the time, during testing is when we will either make a choice to walk in our flesh following the wisdom of the world that says girl you better compete, it ain’t hardly no good dudes out here, get yours while you can, or you will walk in the Spirit trusting in God saying I have never seen the righteous forsaken nor his seed begging for bread (what is needed, proper nourishment.) We have to trust in the Lord to take care of our needs. It is a choice to love our sisters and to remain in proper fellowship with them.

There are many devices in a man’s heart; nevertheless the counsel of the Lord, that shall stand. Proverbs 19:21

What wisdom will you follow? What choice will you make?

Watch the supplemental video below regarding liking the same guy:

Series on Sisterhood Part 6: Be Willing to do the Hard Work.

As godly women who value God-given covenant relationship, we have to be willing to do the hard work in order to maintain those relationships when God exposes what’s in our hearts. We briefly touched on Cain in the Bible who killed his brother Able because of jealousy in the last blog post. Cain’ s problem was that he was not willing to do the work to get pass what God was exposing in his heart.

God used Cain’ s brother Able as sort of a mirror to expose what was in Cain’ s heart, and God does the same thing with us using covenant relationships to sharpen us making us better for his own glory. This was a good thing. A good relationship that would sharpen Cain and make him better, but he was not willing to do the work.

Cain wanted it easy. He just wanted the hard and uncomfortable situation to be over therefore he took things into his own hands continuing in the flesh making matters worse. Cain simply chose pride rather than humility. The Bible says with pride comes shame, but with the lowly there is wisdom (Proverbs 11:2).

In other words, pride says you have exposed me and shown that I am not perfect, I can no longer hide behind my cloak of perfection. I don’t like this. This has to end. I have to cover my shame, but when we seek to cover our shame by continuing in pride and flesh, we end up bringing more shame and ultimately judgement which is what happened in Cain’ s case.

He was judged to walk the earth several years as a wanderer and no one was supposed to kill him. The contrast of the above mentioned scripture is with the lowly there is wisdom. In other words, when we allow ourselves to realize we don’t have it all together to the point of humility, God is willing to give us wisdom to work through our imperfections whether it is jealousy or whatever the case may be with the lowly there is wisdom.

We see this picture being painted for Cain as an offer from God when God says to Cain if you do well Will you not be accepted (Genesis 4:6-7). In other words, if you humble yourself and come to me for help I will help you with what I’ve allowed to be exposed in your heart and you will be accepted. I want to accept your sacrifice Cain let me show you how I can accept it.

If you do not understand the story at this point, you may want to take a look at Genesis 4 to see the story of how Cain became Jealous of his brother.

The conversation between Cain and God there shows a strong characteristic of God which is how he resists the proud, but gives Grace to the humble. The truth is humility is needed and should always be our choice when God exposes sin in us. It shows our need to depend on Christ and what he did on the cross to complete his work of salvation and regeneration in us.

When God exposes sin in us, it is because he has already set aside the grace for us to work through it if we choose humility. This process of humility is so important in maintaining all good relationships whether brother, sister, mother, or father. It will also be needed in the closest covenant relationship that we will have which is the marriage relationship. We cannot just check out in our flesh as it pertains to pride, and murder our spouse’s character or spirit because of jealousy and pride. We have to do the mature thing and choose humility going to the Lord for his wisdom and both us and our spouses will be made better for it.

Look at your current covenant relationships with your sisters as such preparing you with the life skills needed for a healthy marriage one day.

Series on Sisterhood Part 5: The Wrong Response to Jealousy.

The wrong response to the emotion or spirit of jealousy is to walk in an unsettled and warring spirit that basically breeds strife, contention, pride, division, and confusion. This should not be among the women of God. This is how friends are separated and relationships are severed. The Bible talks about how jealousy is as cruel as the grave.

A person ruled by jealousy will not stop at assaulting a person’s character until they feel like they have killed the other person. This may not be a physical murder although it can in some cases be such as with Cain and Able in the Bible, but figuratively it is a murdering of another person’s spirit where that person becomes bound up like the person who is jealous of them.

Instead of both women being confident and building one another up, the result becomes two women walking in their insecurities, comparing themselves to others, and not being who God called them to be. That is not sexy, lady-like, nor God like. It just becomes an ugly mess and that is not what God wants.
Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Song of Solomon 8:6Love is what overcomes jealousy and love is what will need to be perfected in those who walk in a jealous spirit. As mentioned before love for one’s self that is gained through our relationship and fellowship with God and spills over into love for our sisters.

Lecrae on connecting with other cultures, overcoming self-hate, and anger and heart-break felt amid young people’s response to racism and violence:

Lecrae on connecting with other cultures, how he overcame self-hate, and the anger and heart-break felt amid young people’s response to racism and violence

This past week I attended the Legacy Disciple Making Conference where a panel discussion was held on racism in lieu of all of the various events that have taken place in our country as it pertains to race relations.

The event was kicked off with the question where does racism come from. As the panel moved along, more in depth issues were covered such as diversity in leadership in the church, genuinely connecting with other cultures, how racism is not an American problem but a worldwide problem, and looking at people from a perspective from outside of one’s own.

Lecrae is quoted as saying, “We have to do away with the idea…, “Aren’t we all Christians or Aren’t we all Americans…?” What I think a lot of people do not take into account is your perspective of what Christian culture is or American culture is fueled by your own ethnicity and in your own personal culture. So when you say well aren’t we all Christians you’re saying aren’t we all like what I think Christians are or what I think Americans are. And we are saying why does it have to be about race?”

The above statement was the basis for which Lecrae declared the need to develop deep and meaningful relationships with people of different backgrounds from outside of one’s own culture. He also discussed how at one point he learned what were new and conservative perspectives regarding race and Christianity that caused him to hate his own culture at one point and time.

The most notable portion of the discussion was when Lecrae described young people in his area of Atlanta after the Michael Brown shooting. He noted how angry and heart-broken they felt and how they just wanted someone to grieve with them and allow them to grieve without reprimanding them as if it is no big deal.

Panel contributors were Joe Thorn, Elicia Horton, Lecrae, and Soong-Chan Rah. The panel was moderated by poet Joseph Solomon of Chase God TV.

See the video clips below:

Series on Sisterhood Part 4: Self-Love

 A woman who embraces a spirit of jealousy doesn’t have a problem with her sister. She really has a problem with herself, and the emphasis placed on her sister is a distraction from her dealing with her own self-rejection.

The greatest commandment is to love God with all of our hearts, all of our souls, all of our minds and all of our strength and to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.

It is clear based on scripture that the best way to love someone else is to first love ourselves. In order to love ourselves we have to get the appropriate image of ourselves which comes from God. God says that he made us in a manner to be fearfully and wonderfully made. That means that he cut no corners in making us but was very specific about how he made us. We have the beautiful skin that we have intentionally by God and he calls it wonderful. We have the eyes, face, and nose that we have intentionally by God and he calls it wonderful.

We have the voice that we have intentionally by God and he calls it wonderful. We have gifts discovered and non-discovered intentionally by God and he calls it wonderful. We have a God-given purpose specific to us given by God and he calls it wonderful. We each and every last one of us are God’s masterpiece or work of art. We’ve been made in God’s image bearing the reflection of the highest and most honorable that there is and God calls that good and wonderful. We have to know this for ourselves however, and this comes through our intimate relationship with God. The more time we spend with God the more he can make us better and reveal to us who we are causing us to love who he’s made us to be and to love others.

As it pertains to our beauty, the word of God tells us to adorn ourselves. That means we are supposed to look in the mirror at ourselves and say wow! You bad girl! We should adorn ourselves so, that it doesn’t matter if we are in a room with the most beautiful women in the world, we should not shrink back in becoming jealous because we know that we are our best and our best is necessary and intended by God.

Ask God to give you a style that looks radiant on you. Ask God to help you with your hairstyles and makeup and so forth and he will. If we lack any type of wisdom God is able to give us that wisdom that we lack. I pray all the time about styles of clothes, hairstyle ideas, make up etc. Sometimes, we have those moments as women where we can get in a slump from of neglecting to take care of ourselves by taking care of others.

We are natural nurturers you know. In those times, we need a pick me up quick to feel beautiful, whole, and valuable again. Go get your nails done or do your own sometimes, by a new outfit, take a cute selfie here and there, try a new doo. Schedule workout time or plan healthy meals, and take quiet time for yourself to just do you. All of these things will help us as women to be in a position where our self-love will be on full and thus we can pour that love on our sisters instead of jealousy, envy, and strife.

Lastly, God reminds us that we are loved and worthy of love as women whether single or married. Sometimes, he will allow a mentor to take interest in you who may be older or more mature. He may also speak into your spirit reminding you that he loves you and you are beautiful. He also uses family members, friends, and others to re-affirm how he feels about you. Other times, he will use a nice gentleman on the street to speak to you in a respectful manner reminding you that you are beautiful wanting nothing else but to say hello and to compliment you. We need to take all of the good in so that we can pour out good while rejecting the bad.

Watch the supplemental video below:

Series on Sisterhood Part 3: Jealousy:

Jealousy comes from a person who has already made an evaluation of themselves that they do not measure up, yet the person that they are comparing themselves to does and thus they have chosen to become jealous of that person comparing themselves to her and becoming covetous of her desiring what she has.

I know the Bible says to honor others better than yourselves, but that out of humility and love and not out of jealousy (Romans 12:10). We are supposed to have such an appropriate image of ourselves that we have to humble ourselves in order to view our sisters or brothers higher than ourselves.

The Bible says that Jesus being in the fashion of a man thought it not robbery to be equal with God, but he humbled himself unto the cross. That means that Jesus was full of confidence knowing who he was. He knew that he was God but being found in the form of a man made a conscious choice to humble himself all the way to the cross. End result was that Jesus was exalted you know the rest.

We are to follow the same example having a confident evaluation of who we are so much so that we are not distracted by our sisters, but we have to humble ourselves to place our sisters above ourselves in honor. We should not look at our sister with jealousy and covetousness wishing we had the attention that she has, the beauty that she has, gifts, talents, and wisdom that she has. We need to know that we all are the bomb.com, and with all of our gifts, talents, and beauty working together we are a beautiful air of praise and worship unto a holy God who made us. We are at our best when we are whole and complete realizing our value and worth. It causes us to realize the value and worth of others as well.

Therefore, jealousy is rooted in an inappropriate evaluation of ourselves, and when this happens we need to do a self-love check. So that after we have the appropriate image of ourselves we can like Jesus make a choice out of humility to honor our sisters instead of putting them down through jealousy, covetousness, envy, and strife to make ourselves feel better because of our poor evaluation of ourselves.
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:10

View supplemental video below:

Series on Sisterhood Part Two: Rejection

Rejection and fear are the roots of a lot of issues that women deal with between one another. These root issues separate us making our relationships weak to non-existent. The end result of the mess that rejection brings about through jealousy, envy, and strife often leads women to an end of isolation. Everyone knows that isolation while at times can be a good thing if it draws us closer to God causing us to depend on him more, can also be a bad thing because people who are isolated in some forms can stunt their own growth. They often aren’t used to dealing with someone else correcting them. They are used to their own opinions with no opposing opinion which can open the door for pride. Isolated people also learn to be guarded people putting up walls taking on a spirit of I can do it all by myself. I don’t need anyone’s help which is not true. We all need one another.

Isolation can cause a person to be easy prey for the enemy as well. That’s why it’s good to bounce off feelings and thoughts on sisters to get a balanced perspective and not to drown in negativity. For some reason, it seems that our thoughts or at least my thoughts lean more toward the negative unless I direct them toward more positive thoughts intentionally.

Rejection is the fear of not being good enough, not being able to measure up, or being able to obtain something that we want. Rejection of one’s self leads to competition with others. Instead of appreciating our own uniqueness, we focus so much on the uniqueness of others that we despise ourselves and begin to emulate others thinking maybe then we will be accepted. All of this is rooted in the wrong perspective of ourselves the perspective of rejection.

My question to the rejected is who told you that you were rejected? Who told you that you were not good enough? We need to stop listening to the wrong opinion of ourselves because this will show up in the relationships that God is trying to give us with other women as sisters and cause us to forfeit those relationships which will cause us to potentially forfeit our growth in walking upstream against the tide of what has become so common with women rejection, competition, pride, envy, and strife.

Rejection and fear go hand in hand. Fear robs us of our peace causing us to be anxious. Fear of being alone. Well, if I am not pretty enough, I will not end up with anyone. Well, if I do not compete I will end up with nothing in the end. God says I have not given you the spirit of fear, but of love, power, and of a sound mind. Fear of rejection shows a lack of trust in God because us obtaining his promises are not contingent on how good we are or how pretty we are, but on how much we believe in God, and when we have faith and believe we will be willing to endure through anything until our promise is fulfilled.

Rejection is something that we all will have to face in our lives. We all have moments when we don’t feel good enough or pretty enough, but we have to have enough of the love of God in our hearts to push pass how we feel walking in love anyway toward ourselves first and then toward others.

There is so much pressure placed on women to be beautiful, to stand out that we do not always balance our image of ourselves well. I remember having a conversation with one of my friends back in college years ago at SSC (South Suburban College). We were having a conversation about how some women are so beautiful that we would not think that they would ever have problems with self-esteem. The young lady told me that she thought that I would be one of those girls who would not have a problem with self-esteem. I thought to myself hmm, don’t know why she would have that idea, I’m just me you know nothing extra special.

The reality is that sometimes we can reject ourselves when other people aren’t even thinking about us in a negative way. Sometimes, God may give our sister the right perspective of us or other people to re-affirm us, but we cannot see it ourselves because of the rejection. We all no matter how beautiful the world may consider us, deal with insecurities and rejection and that is why we need a relationship with God and one another to build each other up.

Series on Sisterhood Part One:

As a woman who is the only girl of four brothers besides my sister who was still-born, I can appreciate having sisters. Some older and some younger, but there is something unique, special, and comforting about having sisters. We all come in various shapes, sizes, and personalities, but share some core similarities.

Those similarities cause us to understand each other and are a sure reminder that we are not alone. Similarities include the desire to be loved, desired, seen about, and feel pretty, valued and precious to someone. What better bond to build with someone than the bond between sisters with common understanding, desires and goals.

Sisters need one another. I’ve had a few older sisters and some younger who I’ve learned things from such as beauty secrets, appropriate and inappropriate behavior, how to have faith in God for things I did not see nor understand, and just to pick me up when I have moments that I stop believing in myself.

Sisters with the right spirit are confidants, mothers when necessary, iron that sharpens, and encouragers at all times. They love genuinely covering faults without judgement, but instead possess a listening and understanding ear. In a time, where many men are not available to cover women the way that a man should, God often uses the close knit of sisters to fill this gap.

This is why Satan fights godly sisterhood so much because it is a strong weapon against his agenda of destroying women. In this series on sisterhood, we will look at some of Satan’s weapons against sisterhood and how they can be overcome.

In the upcoming weeks we will discuss rejection which is a root to most of the problems between women, jealousy, covetousness, self-love, and contentment. Stay tuned for more interviews and wisdom on the, “Series on Sisterhood.”