Blog

Dating Vs. Waiting Part V: The Lost Art of Friendship between the Sexes

It often seems like everything has become about sex or romance when dealing with the opposite sex. It has become so hard to find a simple friend—someone to listen to you, understand you, and share in the similar experiences of life with no hidden motive or agenda.

These types of experiences make for the best relationships as the common building blocks of friendship are the main ingredients necessary to have a romantic relationship that will last. Those building blocks include communication, trust, unconditional love, commonalities, respect, and commitment.

Satan has done a good job of making it the norm to only identify with someone of the opposite sex in a dating scenario or a romantic scenario. While a date or courtship at some point in time may have its place. This is a highly unhealthy way to view every new person who comes into our lives. I know it’s hard to deal sometimes because some of these rare dudes just be off the chain! Like, where did he come from? And for the fellas—I guess they could be really feeling a sister at times, and that romantic thing is hard to break out of.

However, if the ending is continuously confusion and separation between the sexes in the body of Christ or compromise and sin; then we have to try something different.

Treat younger menas brothers,older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. 1 Timothy 5:1-2

Imagine what it would be like if women did not just have each other, but they also had men of God walking along side them holding up the banner of the gospel of Jesus Christ in word and deed loving one another in purity and in truth. Imagine the body of Christ on one accord as singles, both men and women. Imagine what our marriages will look like after being on one accord in Christ as singles. It would look like strength. It would look like unity. It would look beautiful.

We underestimate the power of unity and walking together. The Bible says that it is a pleasant thing for God’s people to dwell together in unity[i]. It is painful to my heart to see how the body of Christ has become so separate when it comes to single men and women. I can remember seasons of my life where I was separated from godly examples of the opposite sex and how hard that was on my faith in God in being assured that I was not alone as a woman walking with Christ.

So many women and men of God feel isolated. Although, in some cases separation is necessary, such as: If I notice an immature guy trying to get close to me; I will keep him at a reasonable distance because I don’t want to walk in my flesh. I will hang out with him in a group setting though where he cannot focus all of his immaturity in my direction. However, the point is simple. Friendship between the sexes in many cases has become a lost art.

Below I have prepared some pointers to help to get this art back in a manner that will bring us closer to God instead of push us further away from him:

  • Pray about everything: If you feel like you are lacking a godly friendship with the opposite sex, then pray about it asking God to bring someone into your life to be a friend to you. It may take a while, but don’t get discouraged. God will eventually send someone.
  • Realize that most likely whoever God sends into your life as a friend will not be attractive to you initially. Normally, the friends that God sends are viewed as sisters and brothers in Christ only.
  • If feelings do eventually arise and the other person does not feel the same; respect that. Also, be honest and let the person know that you aren’t interested if you aren’t interested in anything further. It’s okay.
  • Try not to focus on a relationship. Just enjoy the company of a believer of the opposite sex in non compromising environments such as groups or a phone conversation here and there not every day and all the time.
  • Have boundaries in place to avoid an inappropriate emotional connection. The more guys and girls talk; the more emotions get stirred. That is why boundaries of space and time are necessary.
  • Boundaries of space and time also help both parties to seek the Lord and hear from him clearly in cases where the friendship does turn into a romantic relationship. Normally, God will give parties peace to proceed or he may simply tell the parties that they are for each other. Acknowledge God in all of your ways and let him direct your path (Proverbs 3:5).
  • Realize that even though we may attempt to befriend a person; that person may not be in a position where they can handle being friends with someone of the opposite sex. Some believers have spent most of their single life sowing to the flesh and thus haven’t yet learned to train their flesh to desire purity. Therefore, their friendship could become a stumbling block and thus that person may withdraw altogether until he works out his purity issue. That’s actually cool and honorable for him to do so.
  • Be honest with yourself whether you can handle a friendship with someone of the opposite sex. If something is becoming a distraction for you, and you start to become fleshly and no longer can maintain a single mind for pleasing the Lord; you may need to cut that friendship off. It may not be a friendship that is ordained by God. God is not the author of confusion.
  • Certain intimate things should not be shared with opposite sex friends: Let the Holy Spirit lead you and use common sense.
  • There is some communication that is only appropriate for a spouse or an accountability partner of the same sex. We don’t call our opposite sex friends to get prayer for lust.
  • I’ve found that a lot of my guy friendships are seasonal: God has bought men into my life for specific seasons to show me that I was not alone in walking with God and then when that season was up, the men and I weren’t as close. I’ve become cool with trusting God in the way that he has me to deal with men. It’s okay not to have a whole lot of guy friends all the time. Right now, I have two. One in Ohio, and another who is local. God has recently answered my prayers in saving some of the men in my family so I can feel a bit more covered now in that sense.
  • I often find myself praying about the men who come into my life. I will ask the Lord why is he here? What do you think of him? How am I to respond to him? Am I supposed to just pray for this person, be a friend, or exit left? God will normally make the men who come into my life expose themselves showing their intentions whether good or bad, warn me, or give me peace about a particular friendship.

That’s my wisdom for healthy friendships between the opposite sex. Hopefully, this has been helpful to you. Feel free to comment, share, and like the post. Also, I am available by email if you click the mail icon in the upper right corner for those who’d like to talk more. Don’t forget to follow me on social media for more great posts!

[i]How good and pleasant it is
    when God’s people live together in unity! Psalms 133:1 (NIV)

0

Dating Vs. Waiting Part IV: Is the Wait Harder for Men or Women?

A bold woman got up during the question and answer session asking the question of what can women do in the waiting process? She continued saying that it seemed that women were expected to just wait while a man could just go find him somebody. She shared how frustrating it could be at times for a woman to just wait, while in short men when tired of waiting could end their waiting just like that. The room was in complete expectation of what the panelists would share on this topic, while the woman caught her breath from her passionate expounding of her question.

The panel was moderated by BJ Thompson of Build A Better Us which is an organization dedicated to discipling marriages in small groups toward maturity and the image of Christ that marriage is to reflect. Find out more about BJ Thompson co-founder of Build a better Us at the website link: http://buildabetterus.com/team/

Others on the panel were Chad Jones, a gospel rap artist, and Pastor Rich Perez who has seen a significant increase in godly marriage in the church he pastors in New York.

Pastor Rich Perez starts out talking about the woman’s freedom to pursue godly friendships with men that can possibly lead into a more committed relationship if it turns out that way.

Chad goes on discussing the ratio of men to women as well as where are the men? He talks about how women in a sense have less power in the situation of waiting on a man. BJ began discussing a healthy culture of family where single men and women learn to be healthy brothers and sisters in Christ, and when we don’t have that as singles we tend to find it in unhealthy places. 

Of course, some of the girls I set with in this workshop wished that at least one of the wives of the all male panel would hop up on the panel and speak, but the men did good. The below video shows what they had to say. Leave your vote below on the survey whether you feel it is hard for men or women during the wait. Let’s just say, I am of the belief that both men and women go through similar situations as singles and need to have grace and love for one another. That always makes the wait a lot easier.

Watch the discussion below and take the polls:

Do you think it’s harder for women or men to wait on the Lord?
I think it’s harder for men.
I think it’s harder for women.
I think it is about the same.
Poll Maker
Do you have healthy friendships with the opposite sex?
Yes
No
Poll Maker
0

Dating Vs. Waiting Part III: Should Men Wait on the Lord too?

I am of the belief that both men and women should wait on the Lord. When I say wait on the Lord, I am not referring to the sky cracking with earthquakes as God says pursue her my son lol. When I speak of waiting on the Lord, I mean developing a personal walk with the Lord as a single where we become sensitive to the voice of the Lord and the leading of the Lord. That coupled with learning who we are what we need and possibly want, and taking a position of readiness and maturity for a godly spouse.

A man will have a little more responsibility in this area because a man is responsible for the pursuing. If a man pursues after the flesh, he will probably get a fleshly result. Whereas, if a brother pursues as led by the Spirit of God, he will get a more peaceable result. There can be more pressure on men to just pursue without taking the carefulness of seeking the Lord because he is a man.

Other men may place pressure on him in ignorance as well as thirsty women. A man may also think that pursuing someone quickly without including the Lord will be an answer to his private hormone issues. I have seen men pursue and marry women immediately without God’s guidance and the next month, they were in divorce court or separated only to divorce shortly there after.

Unfortunately, the church has given men too much power in telling them to just choose or find a wife based on Proverbs 18:22 without preparing men to be responsible and mature enough to know when he is ready to find a wife and seeking God through out the whole process. This has resulted in a lot of confusion and frustration among singles in the body of Christ especially single women. Just as a woman is to mature and grow into a quality woman who is willing to take on the responsibilities of being a wife; so must a man if not more because he is the head or the one who will be held responsible for what goes on in his household.

If a brother wants peace in his home, picking a girl who goes to church and has a big butt is not going to be enough. Like women are taught, men also have to be taught to apply discernment, patience, and the leading of the Lord. Just because a man may be approaching thirty doesn’t mean he is ready. Men should apply as much if not more wisdom, knowledge, and preparation as they too wait on the Lord.

This wisdom does not come from assumption, but from my observation over the years of the many men inside and outside of my life. Please, read the story at the link of a young man who as he grew in the Lord; he then became ready for a relationship and also see the supplemental video below:

http://jscottsamarco.com/2015/10/23/give-her-a-ring-or-move-on/

0

Dating Vs. Waiting Part II: What About This Idea of A Soul Mate?

We know that at some point dating will be necessary in the season of dating to gather necessary data on whether one is suitable for a spouse or not, but if this season has not arrived for us, it’s best to wait in faith not anxiously trying to put ourselves out there to date every Tom, Tim, and Harry in hopes of one of these gentleman being the one. Dating around will not bring us our boo any faster if it is not time for him to come.

Dating versus waiting is easier to grasp onto because of the tangible quality of a date. We can see, touch, and feel a person on a date. Whereas, with waiting there must be faith. With that faith, there is nothing tangible to assure us in our season of waiting of what awaits on the other side. We cannot see, feel, or touch the promise in waiting, but through resting in faith we know that it is there somewhere.

The problem with being led by what we can see, touch, and feel with our emotions is that those things can easily become a mirage deceiving us into thinking we have what God promised instead of something we built up and worked for on our own.

This brings us to the question of whether there is a soul mate. Many people bring this question up to disprove being led by the Spirit in waiting for who God has for us. They say there are a billion men; we just need to pick one because there is not just one person that God has for you.

The whole idea of the soul mate should really be summed up in two questions:

What do you want? Do you want God’s permissive will for your life, or do you want God’s perfect will for your life? Perfect meaning complete and lacking nothing.

God makes a difference between the two. The book of Romans talks about how there were two sons from Abraham. Abraham was promised by God to have a son in his old age. One son named Isaac, who represented the son of promise—God’s perfect will, and what God was responsible for producing. The other son Ishmael represented the son of the flesh or the work and will of man. Both sons received a blessing and provision from God one by permission, and the other by promise.

Therefore, when considering the question of a soul-mate, if God has promised you someone then there is only that one someone set aside for you by God. However, we have a choice in the matter. We can choose God’s permissive will and produce for ourselves an Ishmael or we can wait patiently for our Isaac to manifest.

An unfounded argument that is made concerning the idea of a soul mate is what if a spouse dies, and a person re-marries? How can there be a soul mate if that scenario plays out? The answer is clear if God desires for a person to be remarried after certain circumstances, then he will make provision for that. Let’s not forget who God is. God is the I Am God meaning whatever we need; God makes provision for, but we have a choice to choose what we really want.

The story of Isaac and Ishmael is not the only story that shows the dueling will’s of man and God. There is another example in 1 Samuel 8 where the children of Israel ask for a king. God is not in agreement with this. The scripture says that God saw this request as him being rejected by Israel. God instructed his servant Samuel to let the children of Israel know that they’d be taken as servants by the king, and their fields would be taken and given to the king’s servants among other things. The children of Israel’s response was they still wanted a king in order to be like all of the other nations around them.

In other words, God was letting the children of Israel know that if he gave them what they wanted, they would go through some additional things. The children of Israel agreed to it because they wanted to be like everyone else around them. How many of us have been called apart by God not to date and do relationships like everyone else, but we do it any way just to fit in as normal. In this, we settle for all of the disappointment that comes with our decision to do things in our own way instead of to obey God.

Despite God’s warning through his prophet Samuel, the children of Israel chose God’s permissive will over God’s perfect will meaning God’s pre-ordained plans for us. God in essence let them know that they’d go through more by choosing his permissive will and when they called on him for deliverance, he would not hear them because that was the choice that they had made.

God allows us to have a choice, and if that choice does not line up with God’s will; God does not have to take responsibility for making that choice work. We can choose to believe there is no one that God has specifically in mind for us and just date frivolously like the world trying marriage out with just anybody, but like God warned the children of Israel, this choice will yield results that will be harder to deal with.

In short, the person who chooses God’s permissive will above God’s perfect will, will end up going through more all for the sake of being like everyone else around them. Not only is this Biblical knowledge, but I have seen this first hand. I’ve seen a woman in particular suffer for over 30 years because of the choice to become unequally yoked with someone. The Lord has been merciful to the woman and given her much strength to overcome the hard years that she signed up for.

The church does not want to be peculiar anymore. We want to fit in at the expense of our own peace and fulfillment in God’s will, and God says okay remaining patient with us until we grow to the maturity of desiring God’s perfect will above his permissive will.

Therefore, the answer to the soul mate question really is a question of what type of a person are we characterized by? Are we the type of people who at our very core of a person, we desire to seek God’s will and what he wants for us, or what God may allow for us in our frustration and distrust during the process of waiting? The process of waiting is what will produce God’s perfect will for us. When that right person comes around; we eventually will know because we are already familiar with how God deals with us.

A person has to know himself and have his own identity rooted in Christ before he enters the season of courtship. I am of the characterization where at my core, I have a longing and desire to seek God’s will for me knowing his will is the very best. Therefore, my behavior as I wait for God’s promise has to be that of trust and humility following God’s leading instead of taking the promise into my own hands. I’d never have peace taking the promise of my spouse into my own hands with the character that I have come to develop over the years. I leave myself with no choice, but to trust in God.

This is why waiting is so necessary because in the wait we learn so much. We learn who we are, we learn how to walk with and follow God—that is what waiting is it is following God. It is learning how to be sensitive to his Spirit as he prepares us and walks us right into his best. It will be hard and challenging at times, but he has promised never to leave us. So, he’s always there for comfort or wisdom for whatever it is that we need.

0

Standing in Agreement With our Brothers

This week Lamar Odom was found unconscious according to news reports in a brothel (more at link). According to a pastor that I follow on you tube, Lamar had visited his church at one point in time. Thankfully, Lamar Odom is back conscious and seems to be okay. However, one thing I don’t like is when men try to get to God and do the right thing, and the next thing you know they end up under attack from the enemy.

Lamar’s situation points to the behavior and struggle of so many brothers in the body of Christ, who find themselves struggling with secret sin. Sin that is hard to get out of—pornography, masturbation, whoredom, anger, drunkenness.

The reaction that Satan would love for women of God to have toward these men is to heck with them, but God does not write them off. The reality is that we all struggle or have struggled with something, and we have had those times where we needed someone to stand with us and say you can make it. You can overcome your sin. You can overcome your struggle.

The power of God is enough to break the power of any sin in one’s life. We as women of God have the authority to stand with these men in the spirit and declare the word of God over them.

Ironically, two weeks ago. I received similar news regarding a male family member in my life. He was also found unconscious, and ended up in the hospital. This was not the first time this had happened. Thankfully, this person is okay and his life is back to normal, but it is a clear sign of a struggle that is going on and needs to be remedied.

A scripture that God has given me to pray over my relative:

Psalms 18:34 – He teaches my hands to war, so that a bow of steel is broken by my arms.

In other words, the Lord is the one who teaches us how to overcome sin. The above scripture describes a bow of steel which steel is something hard to break, overcome, and deal with similar to secret sin that some men and women of God deal with. Bow means to come under and to bring under submission to.

It is not God’s will for us to be under submission or in bondage to hard sins, addictions, drunkenness, masturbation, fornication, or any sin for that matter. Jesus Christ came to break the power of sin, and if we hold on to God long enough we can see the power of God manifest in our lives to break those hard things.

We have to allow our confession to line up with the will of God for our lives until we see deliverance manifest. There must also be a breaking of the will where the desire to be free is stronger than the desire to enjoy the pleasure of sin.

Two things about King David who wrote the above scripture:

1.) King David is characterized as being a man after God’s own heart.

This means that even though King David was not perfect, he had it in him to love God and to seek to please God above all else even sin. That means that when God came to him to expose sin, he determined himself to humble himself enough to get it right.

2.) King David was characterized as a great fighter or warrior. There has to be a willingness and a determination in the one who is battling a secret sin or a hard sin to be willing to fight for your inheritance in Christ and the things that he has promised. God has promised us that we should no longer be in subjection to sin, but to Christ.

Lastly, Once God breaks us free we have to be determined not to go back. Putting up boundaries to avoid the temptations of sin are good aids in not going back to sin once free.

Satan would love to destroy the men of God and to keep them out of their position of authority and submission to Christ. Satan knows that if both men and women get together on one accord under Christ then it’s over. Therefore, he fights the men of God tremendously. Women of God have been so distracted with our pain, bitterness, selfishness, and hurt, that we have not been able to see the bigger picture. We are not in a war with men, but with Satan. Both men and women’s ally is the Lord. It is time out for allowing ourselves to be distracted. We need to get in the Spirit and pray.

As a woman of God who is surrounded by mostly men in my family, and who has watched the men in my life go through various instances where God has given me what to pray for and bought what I prayed for to pass before my eyes; I am a witness of what God can do when the women of God stand with the men around them and pray for strongholds to be broken and to come down.

We should not flirt with men outside of their God-ordained position, but keep the proper distance and pray. Nobody else may even know what we are praying for, but the word says what we pray in secret, the Lord will reward us openly. Let’s stand not in compromise with men, but in prayer as women of God submitted to Christ and declaring God’s word until yolks are destroyed and broken in the lives of our men.

Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its lusts, and do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness; but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace. Romans 6:12-14

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

Please, be encouraged by this throwback song from Json & This’l entitled, “Fight”. This song is about fighting your flesh and learning to walk in the Spirit:

0

Dating Vs. Waiting Part I: Dishonesty in Dating

Have you ever dated a guy while deep inside knowing he wasn’t the one for you. I think back to when I was in my twenties. I remember dating a guy who I labeled as my friend at the time. We were on our way back from downtown on the train from watching The Matrix Reloaded. As we rode the train, my date held me in his arms. It was a really nice experience, but I remember thinking this cannot go on because deep inside I knew he wasn’t who God had for me yet the feeling that I got from being close to him only pulled me closer. I was young and gaining my experience to later learn the lesson of dating in dishonesty.

While I labeled our relationship as just friends, it was clear that the gentleman wanted more and the more that he wanted, I was not willing to give him because for one, we were unequally yoked. I had a relationship with God and he did not. We were together often because we were co-workers and therefore our bond grew stronger. I enjoyed his attention, but all along inside I knew I would have to give it up. Not only did I know, but God begin to warn me. I had two dreams from God warning me about the young man. Plus, a friend and mentor God had placed into my life warned me too.

After, still flirting with what God did not want for me, finally God did what good fathers do who cover their children. He removed him out of my life. All of a sudden, the guy’s family ended up moving to somewhere I had never heard of and we lost touch. The situation was not in vain, but taught me just how interested God is in my success.

God will do what is necessary to get us to the relationship that he has for us. While I was dishonest and avoiding the signs, God was covering me. Thank you Jesus! How many of us hold on to a dating relationship just because we feel like dating is what we are supposed to do knowing deep down inside that the gentleman that we are dating isn’t the one for us? What if God was asking you to wait instead of date?

I remember talking to one of my buddies in college. She shared with me that she was prophesied to that she is not supposed to date like other people, but to wait. At the time we were having this conversation, I had not heard anyone talk like that before. I was still in my stage of wondering why certain women had to wait so long. I just kind of noted it in my mind as interesting and that was it.

Now that I am older, I can of course see the benefit of not just dating around, but instead enjoying life with friends and family as I walk with God knowing that he will reveal my husband just as he does with the men he doesn’t want me to waste my time with. Lesson learned don’t be dishonest. Don’t ignore what God is speaking to you inside. Don’t date someone selfishly for your own personal needs knowing God will not allow you to give more.

It was okay for me back then to learn that lesson, but as an adult who is 32 years old, I should not have to re-learn that lesson as if it has never been taught. So, I very rarely date. That doesn’t mean that men are completely non-existent from my life. I have a couple of guy friends that I can talk to here and there as simply brothers in the Lord. I will continue in this vein until God leads me to something different  because I choose to no longer date dishonestly. Instead, I’ll just wait.

In this series of dating versus waiting we will look at the Dishonesty in dating, This idea of a soulmate, should men wait too, is it easier for men than women to wait, wisdom for opposite sex friendships,  maintaining holiness in the season of courtship, dating versus courting, and the result of waiting. Stay tuned to this blog series for great insight, fun conversation, and of course God’s word.

Watch the supplemental intro video to, “Dating Vs. Waiting”, the series below:

0

Are you resting in God’s love?

God has a history of going to great lengths to make clear to man just how much he loves us. Lately, I’ve been meditating on the love of God as I’ve been feeling his love on me literally. I woke up the other morning and felt engulfed in the love of God and began to just read up on some scriptures that contain the word love. Here are a few things that I noted about the love of God.

God’s love is not contingent upon how good we are. The love of God is unconditional. He stays committed to us even despite our imperfections.

God first laid out his commitment to man by demonstrating his love for us in the fact that he gave up his life for us. Similar to marriage, those who know the word of God know that marriage is a direct depiction and demonstration of God’s love for man with God being so committed to us that he has tied himself to us for life through the covenant that we have with him because of the death and resurrection of his son. Unbreakable is the bond of love that God has for us. It will never allow him to give up on us.

He further demonstrates his commitment by asking one of his servants who was a prophet Hosea to marry a woman who would be unfaithful to him. This woman was a whore. God’s purpose in asking Hosea this was to demonstrate his love for us, man-kind, by this example which shows that even though the whorish woman was imperfect she was still worthy enough to become Hosea’s wife simply because of a decision that was made. God made a simple decision a long time ago to love us his people and that will never change.

Hosea 3:1 – Then said the Lord unto me, Go yet, love a woman beloved of her friend, yet an adulteress, according to the love of the Lord toward the children of Israel, who look to other gods, and love flagons.KJV

Love endures all. It does not leave nor quit. That’s God’s love. He is love. He does not run when things get hard, but shows himself to be of the utmost present. His word says that he is a very present help in the time of trouble (Psalms 46:1).

God’s love is relentless toward us:

Man’s heart has a tendency to stray from the Lord in the pride of doing our own thing and leaning to our own understanding. If we read Psalms 107, it repeatedly talks about God’s unfailing love toward us in that when we turn away from him and get lifted up in pride how God allows us to go through changes to the point of us getting to our lowest wits end. At that point, the scripture says that we cry to the Lord and he hears us and delivers us out of all of our troubles. It of course is speaking about the children of Israel when they were in the wilderness, but that was an example for us and our experience with God on this earth.Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind, for he breaks down gates of bronze and cuts through bars of iron (Psalms 107:15).

.God’s love moves him to respond to our needs:

Now Jesus loved Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus. John 11:5 Later, in verse 35 it says that Jesus wept. Jesus had to allow the process of his beloved friend Lazarus to die and his family to grieve for a number of days in order for God to be glorified and for man to know that Jesus could raise from the dead, but this process hurt Jesus to the point where he wept for his beloved friends because he had to watch the pain of them going through even though it was for their good. That’s what a good father or mother does. They allow their children to go through various circumstances for their learning and their good. If Lazarus had not of died, how would we know that Jesus is the resurrection.

And God so loved the world that he was moved to give up his son on behalf of those in the world. That would be us.

God’s love corrects and confirms us as his own:

Raise your hand if you ever got a whipping and afterward your parent said come here and give me a hug you know I only whipped you because I love you. Yep, that’s how God is. He corrects and chastises those whom he loves. Those who he has made an investment in through the death and resurrection of his son. God’s correction in our lives is a sign that we belong to him. If God whips you just say to yourself I am his. Somebody loves you baby! 🙂

My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor detest His correction; For whom the Lord loves He corrects, Just as a father the son in whom he delights. Proverbs 3:11-12

Have you been convinced yet that God loves you, and that God’s love is enough for you no matter where you are at in life. He will go through great lengths to reach you, to keep you, deliver you, and to confirm you again and again as his own because he loves you.

So many out there run from God’s love and run to and fro looking for love among things, people, and relationships when God wants us to yes, enjoy godly relationships and connections, but he doesn’t want us to forget about the most important love, and that love is his love.

I am so very thankful for how God has been overshadowing me in his love and presence for this season of my life. I kind of feel like it is an answer to my prayers. I believe that God is preparing my husband for me soon, and before he comes, God wants me to know that his love was enough for me. He wants me to remember how he kept me as a single, and spoke words of affirmation over me. He wants me to remember how I felt safe in his embrace so that when my blessing from the Lord comes I will not idolize him.

God will blow our minds if we let him. If  we come to him and run to him instead of the world and the world’s way of doing things, we will see the miraculous and experience God’s love in undeniable ways. I pray that readers will began to notice things that the Lord does to show his love for us and the fact that he thinks about us. God has had man-kind on his mind way before he even created us, and that is why his son was slain before the foundation of the world. God’s love is real, consistent, and true, and we can rest in it. Amen.

0

3 Things Single women need to unlearn if we plan on one day being in an appropriate relationship

As single women, we have to deal with a whole lot. Therefore, there are certain character traits that we learn to hone either consciously or unconsciously as a coping mechanism for the way that things are out here. Three of those coping mechanisms are summed up in: Pride, Negative speaking, and Isolation.
Many women naturally desire a covering. For many of us, we have not had the covering that we have desired. There are the women who have never known a covering in the form of a father, women who may know their father, but the father isn’t in a place to cover the woman spiritually or even to make her feel loved. Others have experienced abuse or witnessed consistent abuse between their natural father and mother’s relationship.

Looking to other tangible examples of men, to fill that void often results in disappointment causing a woman to build up a wall of pride to become her own covering. Even though she may have a relationship with the Lord and view the Lord as her covering, she still desires something tangible and that tangible thing becomes her pride.

Pride:

Her pride throws off an invisible magnetic field to those around that they are not getting into her inner circle. This woman is afraid of being disappointed again, and again, and again as has been the consistent pattern in her life perhaps from childhood well into adulthood. Her pride protects her and although it in some senses isolates her, she feels safe there. The whole independent woman thing is a situation of safety for her. It is some sense of stability and rest that she has not been able to find in dealing with the men in her life.

The reality is that at some point in time vulnerability is going to be necessary in order to let the appropriate person in. That appropriate person is not just going to be anybody, but someone whom the Lord our true covering has checked out and hand-picked as worthy to be trusted with his daughter who is loved by the Lord greatly. Although, she isn’t perfect and has her issues, her worth is not diminished in the Lord’s sight. As a matter of fact, God is in particularly sensitive to her needs, and will deal with her pride on his time gently removing every fear, healing every disappointment, and assuring her when it is safe to proceed with being vulnerable.

If this is you, you will have to entrust yourself to God submitting to his will. As the Spirit of God leads, you will have to be willing to follow him.

Negative Speaking:

For the woman who has built up a wall of pride, because of her negative experiences, or the lack of positive ones, negative speaking can become a norm for. She may say negative things without even noticing it. She may make blanket statements, for example: “you men”, “All men”, “Black men”, “Young men”. Her therapy in some cases may be to discuss negative men with her girlfriends as they wallow in a hopeless rant that breeds more hopelessness. Her faith for better becomes bleaker and she becomes more isolated from the ideal of an appropriate man because negative is all she sees and all that she speaks.

Because many of us spend years of being single and dealing with these cycles of emotion, these traits that we have picked up can become a part of our character where we continue to practice them unknowingly even after God begins to put his finger on it to began the deliverance process.

Negative speaking as a woman or even as a man is not something that we want to take into the marriage that God gives us. It will only cause wars, strife, and tension between a couple. It results in a man and woman warring against each other instead of building while walking with each other. Satan has been very successful in getting women to think negatively about men and to speak that out of our mouths instead of using our mouths to pray for the men out there who are really trying to live right and struggling. Sometimes, as women, I think we give too much negative attention to negative men, and thus we speak negative. If we focused more on the positive ones, then maybe the negative men will get jealous and get it strait. Nevertheless, what happens with negative men, God will judge them, and we as women need to guard our peace so that we can be in a position to build with our tongues. In practicing this as singles, we will be able to more easily practice this in our marriages.

Lastly, for the negative speakers, I don’t want you to get me wrong in communicating that there isn’t a problem with our men. I know there is a problem out there with lots of our men, and there is nothing worse than someone trying to calm someone down who is angry as if they do not have a right to be angry. I know the anger is legitimate, but what are you going to do about it besides being angry? It would make more sense to focus on your strength which are the godly men instead of the ungodly ones building them up and speaking life over them.

Isolation:

Isolation is a natural response toward people who are angry and prideful. Who wants to be around someone who is just angry and prideful? No one. That means that once God begins to put his finger on this, we have to be willing to let God work on us.

Now, it is extremely legitimate and appropriate for a woman to have to dismiss herself from most men who attempt to talk to her when a lot of these men aren’t in a position to cover a wife nor take on the responsibility of a wife. Nobody needs an additional problem while they are waiting on the Lord for someone appropriate. So yes, many of us single women have to not even consider most men who come to us.

We find ourselves running when we see the red-flags which is wisdom. But again, an appropriate habit for a single woman in waiting, may not be appropriate for a woman who is sure of an appropriate man of God in her world as a suitor or even her husband.

Because of this need to run from ungodly men, many of us women have built up feelings of strong rejection. We withdraw from even appropriate men when things don’t seem to go our way dismissing any hope that things could grow into something beautiful due to the fear of rejection.

We have interpreted God’s protection from the ungodly men as rejection and not being good enough for a relationship. It becomes easier for us to revert back into those feelings of not being good enough, and things will not work out, and it’s easier to just do the me, myself, and I thing rather than to toughen up and work through a relationship whether friendship or leading to romantic with a guy.

Recently, I had an experience like this where I wanted to just withdraw from someone that I was attempting to befriend because I did not like his lack of communication. I remember starting to resort back to thinking negative thoughts and feeling as though isolating myself would be the answer, but the Lord quickened me to pray.

I began to pray. During prayer, I prayed for the young man that I wanted to withdraw from I prayed regarding any fears, concerns, or anxieties that he has that prevent him from communicating in the way that he wants. I prayed against my own selfishness for not even considering how he felt or why he may have not responded. I prayed for men of God in general who are trying to live right. I prayed for those men who have to fight the stigmas of what the world considers to be a man. I prayed against all shame and embarrassment for doing things God’s way. I prayed for stability, consistency, and open communication in their personal relationships with the Lord. It is ironic, that after I prayed, I felt a release in my spirit, and finally the gentlemen contacted me communicating the total opposite of what I was thinking.

The truth is as single women, when we learn to trust God, and his ability to put us together in healthy relationships with men whether it is restoring an ungodly father, brother, friend, or potential spouse, a weight will be lifted and we can more easily follow God’s instruction resulting in humility, positive speaking, and godly fellowship with men.

The last thing that I learned from my ordeal with the friend mentioned above is that humility gives God the opportunity to provide his grace in the situation. God’s grace is his special supernatural ability to do something or go through something victoriously. Satan’s plan that has been enacted seemingly on every generation has been to get the man and the woman at odds with each other in pride, negativity, and isolation resulting in brokenness.

When two people in a situation are full of pride toward one another, there is no room for God to move. Someone has to humble themselves in order to allow God’s grace in the situation. This is also an important lesson to be taken into our marriages. Humility and prayer over pride and negative reactions.

God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble (James 4:6).

0

What is the hardest part of being single, and also the greatest part?

For me it has been my desire for intimacy, and yet the greatest part has been getting to know God in a more intimate manner. Intimacy is a closeness with someone exclusively. Those involved in an intimate relationship show each other parts of themselves that not everyone else gets to see.

So, last night I had an episode where I was feeling my need to be intimate with someone. I am 110% woman which means I don’t just want to be told I am loved. I want to be shown that. I want to be held, touched and so forth. So, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling alone. I needed to be held, but of course as a single there isn’t anyone there.

I got up went to the rest room and got back in the bed all wrapped up good in my blanket, and God placed a song in my heart. I begun to hum it to him as a prayer and the words went: I will rest in your love oh Lord, You are enough for me. I will rest in your love oh Lord. You are enough for me. I stopped humming and started singing the words. I am never alone, never alone. Lord, You are enough for me.

My desires had been quieted and fulfilled at the same time. I needed to feel like I wasn’t alone even though I already know that by faith. As a woman, it’s in my DNA to want to feel at times and to have a connection. I felt the warmth of God’s love and went right back to sleep. For the past few days I’ve been meditating on a scripture regarding God’s love to remind myself of how God loves me. I also asked God with expectation for a tangible reminder of his love and he gave me a song in the night.

In the morning, I Googled for scriptures on songs in the night and found the three below:
But no one says, “Where is my God my Maker, who gives songs in the night. Job 35:10, (NIV)

But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me, and through each night, I sing his songs, praying to God who gives me life. Psalms 42:8, (NLT)

Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance. Selah. Psalms 32:7 (KJV)


God is truly enough for us in every season of life. He is enough for the singles as well as the married. A lot of people don’t experience God in an intimate way because they don’t turn to him, but instead turn to things and vices. See more on vices at the link (click for vices blog posts). God wants us to turn to him so that he can show us sides of him that maybe every one else isn’t willing to turn to him to see. God is enough.

If you are struggling with a portion of your singleness or any area of life. Consider reaching out to God concerning it whatever it may be. I guarantee God will give you the grace and strength to endure until your season is to change.

I am very excited about the season that I am in, because I am constantly being reminded that God is enough. All I have to do is look to him. Before God delivers us from one season to the next, I believe that God wants us to know and to be sure that he is enough for us. Similar to how the Lord gave the children of Israel all types of precious gold, and jewelry when he delivered them out of the land of Egypt. It was almost as if, God wanted the children of Israel to have a reminder that he did this. He was their deliver and not anything else.

However, just as soon as the children of Israel had been delivered from bondage and slavery. They went into the wilderness and made an idol by way of a golden calf. If we are not careful as believers, we will allow God to deliver us where we get a little relief and run right back to an idol instead of God when things seem just a little hard.

The children of Israel thought it hard that Moses had been up on the mountain for so long getting instruction from God. They felt as though they had no leader, so they made an idol. However, in actuality, the children of Israel should have been up on that mountain with Moses or at least worshiping the Lord in spirit and in truth to the point where God had to come down and see what the praise and worship was about himself.

We cannot depend on someone else to lead us to God, or to solve our inner problems as believers. We have to have enough faith and trust in God to be willing to go to him for ourselves allowing him to show us that he is enough.

What is the hardest part for you as a single? Please, pray to God for his wisdom and strategic instruction on how to deal with that hard thing turning it into a great thing that brings you closer to him.

0

The Confident woman

The Confident woman!

A woman should have some healthy pride about herself. A healthy pride is a

godly confidence that comes from a woman knowing who she is in Christ. She

knows that she is loved, covered, valuable, and has purpose. All of these

things the godly woman learns and grows into despite the difficulties of her

background. The confident woman finds a place of rest, and peace under the

shadow of the Almighty God. She is covered. She knows that God’s very

shadow is enough. Enough to ward off any person with wrong intentions

covering and protecting her with strong and careful discernment. Her beauty is

carefully crafted by the best, coupled with her spirit of gracefulness just

glorious. Her beauty is used for God’s glory as God brags that’s my daughter.

Yep, I made her. Isn’t she beautiful both inside and out, and her graceful and

kind spirit points others back to me. I’m proud of my creation and in her I am

well pleased. That’s why I got her covered on every side because she is

committed to me. It’s easy for me to show myself strong in her life and,

although certain times in her life gets shaky, she still keeps her trust in me

. She knows it is impossible for me to disappoint her, and so she rests in who

I am, my protection, acceptance, and confirmation. She rests in confidence

because she knows I’ve got her. The secret chamber of her love is reserved for

someone strong who mirrors her God’s love. She isn’t taking just any man’s

hand, but only the man, God her heavenly  father has approved. She has a

healthy pride

and godly confidence. If you are a woman with a healthy pride and godly

confidence, purchase a t-shirt . Click the picture to visit the

t-shirt website.

0