He who separates himself seeks his own desire, He quarrels against all sound wisdom. Proverbs 18:1
Normally, when a believer separates himself from friends or a community that would hold him accountable it is for the purpose to do his own thing or to sin. This is a very dangerous position for a believer to be in because doing one’s own thing leads to pride, and it also leads to foolishness.
According to the Bible, it is the fool who has said in his heart that there is no God. In other words, the fool believes in his heart that he can do whatever it is that he wants to do without God holding him accountable for it. He has no earthly reminders of accountability because he has separated himself. The person who allows themselves to become a fool will have a rude awakening to God’s judgment. It is foolish to allow ourselves to get to that point.
This is why I so value the ideal of community, and in times where my circle of accountable believers became minimal due to natural life circumstances such as people moving, starting families and having less time for friendship and such, I have remained intentional about involving myself in a community of believers.
Now, in a community of believers there will be a mixture of mature and immature. That is why we have to have discernment of who we can tell certain things to and who we cannot. One of Satan’s major tricks is to cause offense in communities namely churches in order to separate the offended from the body of the community.
Men typically fall for this quicker than women because men tend to attach certain offenses to their pride as a man. In many cases, men feel as though to look over a fault is somehow a demotion in their man-hood when it is the very opposite.
A man’s discretion makes him slow to anger,
And it is his glory to overlook a transgression. Proverbs 19:11 (NASB)
The person who allows himself to be dismissed from an appropriate community becomes stagnant in growth. He can only go so far on his own. Because of the lack of humility in dealing with offense, this brother often cuts many off and has to figure out how to do life on his own. When this man’s strength wanes, he may become bitter and blame others for his place in life. However the reality is that it was his choice to separate himself from everyone who he found offense with. Instead, it is best to practice humility in community and to follow the leading of the Lord.
The Bible makes it clear on how the body of Christ is to deal with offense. We are to forgive, forbear, with, and love one another. It is interesting that each of these three things that believers ought to do in order to remedy offense all point back to ourselves. For example, love your neighbor as you love yourself, and forgive as your heavenly father has forgiven you.
A simple nugget to help strengthen the community relationships and prevent offense is to understand God’s grace and the need that we personally have for it in order to show that same grace, love, and forgiveness to others.
Unfortunately, the old school church was not taught very much in grace, but taught harshly in the law alone. Therefore, many older people struggle with the ideal of God’s grace for themselves and then to others. God’s grace is what we don’t deserve, but what we need to overcome, and to walk in victory. It is that very same grace that we should show to others.
Lastly, another way that the Bible mentions to avoid remaining in offense is to go to the brother that did the offending and have a conversation. If that brother does not hear, then scripture says to get another brother as an intermediary. The point is not to cut off those who can truly hold us accountable in a Biblically sound and reasonable manner because of offense alone. It is important for every believer to have accountability because it sharpens us, refines us, and builds us up in ways that walking alone cannot do.
Accountability is so important that even God of the highest character and integrity made himself accountable to his very own word saying:
The LORD told me, “You have observed well, because I’m watching over my message, to make sure it comes about.” Jeremiah 1:12
will worship toward your holy temple, and praise your name for your lovingkindness and for your truth: for you have magnified your word above all your name. Psalms 138:12
We as human beings need someone to submit to because we are prone to sin because of our flesh, but submission to appropriate accountability and community helps to curb the weaknesses of our flesh.
Those that are intentional about accountability and maintaining a strong community will be less likely to walk in such an overt spirit of rebellion, self-will, pride, and foolishness because the community has helped to check a lot of that behavior through the transparency and sharpening that comes with appropriate community. Let’s be intentional about community, accountability, and not compromising with sin as we grow closer toward the Lord.
