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Avoiding Becoming the Nagging Woman in Your Relationship

Isn’t it ironic how as human beings dependent on the Lord, we have to always wait on something. I’ve talked about waiting on other occasions in my writings, and how waiting makes us stronger because it exposes what’s in us, and causes us to become more attentive of our need for humility and dependence on Christ.
Imagine the woman who has waited on God for years for a godly spouse, and he shows up. He isn’t exactly as she had pictured. In fact, she really did not know altogether what to picture. He is ready enough for her, but there are those areas that need to be smoothed out so that she can feel more secure as a woman.
In that case, what should the woman do? The natural inclination would be for her to say how she feels until she sees change. However, that can get to the point of nagging.

I like Wikipedia’s definition of nagging:

“Nagging, an interpersonal communication that, is repetitious behavior in the form of pestering, hectoring, or otherwise continuously urging an individual to complete previously discussed requests or act on advice.

”Nagging in turn can work against the woman. Even though she may be wise, It can make her appear as a fool. We know what the Bible says about foolish and quarrelsome women.

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 25:24 (NIV)

 Of course there is a time to speak, and it is very important that feelings are shared instead of being held inside especially when they are important. Sharing will require wisdom with timing and place to ensure what is shared is taken in thus not giving opportunity to a need to repeat what was shared.
Women know their husband’s patterns and such where he will be most receptive of what she has to share. That is what a wise woman does. She applies appropriate timing and place to sharing certain things that are important to her, and she learns once she has shared her most effective work will be in her prayer closet.

The idea is not to avoid the temptation of nagging meaning not ever being placed in an uncomfortable situation, but to become sharper in the area of discipline to pray instead of exercising the need to always say. One of the hardest disciplines for a woman is when she sees things out of place or not how she would like, and nothing has been done to address that. That is when the temptation to dishonor a man comes into play. As women, we really have to depend on the Lord to be able to honor our men in the face of disappointment in various areas.

We have to be sensitive enough in the Spirit to know which wars to fight with silence, grace, and love in our speech and demeanor, and yet raising our petitions sincerely to the Lord who hears them, and will answer them. Perhaps an uncomfortable situation for a woman in courtship or as a wife could be a blessing in teaching that woman not to be selfish or prideful only considering herself and her needs, but to deny herself and respond to the needs of her husband. After all, the bride of Christ’s response is for us to be a living sacrifice holy and acceptable unto the Lord which is our reasonable service (Romans 12:1).

Therefore, both the husband and wife have to deny themselves in the relationship at times. The husband denies himself giving up his life for his wife like Christ did the church, and the wife does the same thing in turn learning to deny herself and to sacrifice for the relationship as it is her reasonable response to her loving husband. In this way, both individuals learn and grow to be more like Christ in their relationship, and that is indeed God’s primary purpose for marriage. Remember if we seek God’s purpose first everything else will be taken care of (Matthew 6:33). So, the relationship will begin to develop into what God intended for us, and that is God’s best.

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Good Men Vs. God Dependent Men: Killing the Lie of Condemnation that Binds Men in Sexual Sin

So, last week I was asked a question on a radio show interview of whether I masturbate or not. The host looked at me very intently slightly surprised by my answer. My answer was simply not anymore. I went on to share that it had been several years since I had been delivered from that.  In that short bit of my answer, I dismantled the lie that the enemy loves to hold over our heads as we try to come to Christ which is the lie that says we are not good enough to come to God because of the sin that we struggle with.

The pretense that I was booked for the show in addition to my book was that I am a 33 year old virgin. Immediately, in people’s mind the thought tends to arise that to be a Christian and a virgin means perfection, but the opposite is true. One of the major lies that I love to dismantle is the lie of condemnation that says living in victory over sexual sin is only for certain people. The devil is a liar! Living in victory over sexual sin is for everyone who wants it.

We all fall short in some way. If we aren’t having sex physically, we may be thinking about having sex with someone who we aren’t married to. The Bible makes it clear that to just think upon a person in a lustful way in our hearts is sin (Matthew 5:28). So, it is not about appearing to be good, but about depending on Jesus Christ because we know that we are not good on our own, and that depending on Christ is what makes us godly.

It is godly to realize that we cannot do good on our own. We are not strong enough on our own to do the things that please God. That is why we have to consistently look to God, and his word allowing his word to cleanse us, and his grace to enable us to come to him even past the feelings of condemnation.

I am reminded of the guy in the Bible who asked Jesus what was required to enter into the kingdom of heaven. Jesus mentioned to him about the keeping of the commandments and so forth. The brother confident in his resume shared that he has kept all of the commandments since he was a child. He called Jesus good master. Jesus used that as an opportunity to teach asking why he would call him good. He went on saying there is none good, but the father.

If you want to enter into the kingdom of heaven, you will need to sell all that you have, and give it to the poor and then come and follow me, Jesus said. That was a hard saying for the man to swallow and he turned and walked away. The man was dependent on his good record to get him into the kingdom. I think he may have wanted Jesus to say: Awe, you good bro! We got your clean sleigh in heaven.

But the truth is God doesn’t want us to trust in our works alone, but to trust in him alone. When we trust in him alone, good works will automatically come because that is when God begins to change our nature (natural way of doing things) to that of his. This is why we bring forth good fruit from dwelling in Christ (John 15).  Our good works our produced out of fellowship with God whether than prideful piety that can save and deliver no man.

This is also why God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness. When we realize our inabilities, we open ourselves up to see God’s ability. So, for those who choose to look at me as if I am some sort of good or perfect woman who is seeking a good or perfect man. That is untrue. I am a woman who has learned to rely on Christ, and the man that I choose to marry will be a man who is imperfect, but has chosen to rely on Christ as well. Our deeds alone are not enough, but God is.

Please, don’t choose to believe the lie of condemnation that says that we are not good enough to come to Christ because of our weaknesses or struggles. Don’t choose to believe the lie that says we should separate ourselves from God, his people or his house until we overcome in areas of weakness in the flesh. Our weaknesses should be more of a reason to come to Christ, and when we do we will then learn to become godly men and women.

Sidenote: The old school tried to shame people into doing what was right, but God’s word says that it is his goodness that draws and leads us to repentance.

Check out my book: The Single Christian Woman’s Guide for more on overcoming sexual sin. I have a whole chapter on that called, “All About the Hormones.

“Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance? Romans 2:4 (NIV)

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

For more on God’s Grace Read the article, “The Misinterpretation of God’s Grace“

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Cheers to the Guys who Make Us Smile

In a time where the disappointment for many women is so real, and we often wonder are there any good godly brothers. Just when we want to close up our hearts, and give up on all hope; then a brother comes along and makes us smile reminding us of why we had the dream for real love in the first place. When many women forget their worth for relying on unreliable men instead of looking to God for our worth, It certainly doesn’t hurt to run into some encouragement from some valuable men who aren’t afraid to be men.

With no hidden motive just love and grace. What is this? I didn’t know it exists. It makes a sister want to be all poetic and what not when I see men of God taking their place.

These men don’t take it as asking too much to do the things that men are expected to do. Instead they rise to the challenge because inside they know that God made them a man. When a man is a gentlemen protecting a woman, communicating with her, and reminding her of her worth, it allows a woman to feel safe.

In the company of a God fearing and respectable man, a woman has the freedom to be herself soft, gentle, covered, celebrated, and cherished. It just makes a woman smile. Even if she isn’t interested in a brother; she will still hold this type of a man in high respect. Maybe, even change her tune to consider him for her future.

This type of man realizes that he isn’t perfect, yet still puts his best foot forward to attempt to please God and the women in his life. Whether the women in his life are sisters at church, work, friends, or his love interest. The woman who walks beside this man always feels safe and secure.

She knows that he is there to communicate words of wisdom, with no ill or selfish intention. He listens to her and considers her opinion valuable. He prays for her and does not call her out of her name. He sets aside his physical needs for sex as a single man to respect the value of getting to know his love interest in other ways beside the physical. He sets specific boundaries for friendship or relationship so that purity would be priority and God would be pleased.

He knows how to pray. He smiles, and does simple things like carry things for her, pumps her gas, even though he does not have to. He does it because he wants to. He is a real man who is not afraid to defy the popular culture of a man. He doesn’t toy with a woman’s emotions, but holds her heart in high esteem as he does all that is in his power to respect her heart and guard it.

This type of a man is not intimidated by a woman being her best because he knows that when she is her best she makes him look good.

Women were made to be soft, and yet strong, but often women have been forced to be strong in areas that we were not made to be strong such as being the sole provider of the home, spiritual leader, and her very own security and protection. This has caused many women to become hard and build up resentment toward men, but the right type of a man loves that resentment all away, and forces a woman to come to grips that there are actually really good men out here in this world.

A man has the power to soften a woman allowing her natural womanly abilities to flow and he also has the power to harden a woman leading her to produce a shell that protects her from men like him.

Toasts up to the men using their power wisely.

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What is an Intercessor?

An intercessor is a watchman who stands in between God and man praying on behalf of what he sees, and what God lays on his heart. Jesus Christ was the number one intercessor. He stood between God and man making intercession on man’s behalf.
The foundation of intercession is found in the book of Ezekiel where God looks for an intercessor before certain circumstances would have been allowed.

I looked for someone among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found no one.
Ezekiel 22:30

In short, intercessor’s are God’s partner’s on earth that stand in agreement with the will of God that has been set in heaven. God’s intercessor’s pray that will based on God’s word, and insight from the Lord. God gave men dominion in this earth, and so when God gets ready to do something on the earth, he uses his people. In many cases, those people are used as intercessor’s.
I first learned about intercession listening to a radio broadcast from Apostle John Echardt. It was shortly after Tupac and Biggie were murdered. Echardt taught on how their murders could have been prevented had there been an intercessor standing in the gap on their behalf. I thought that was pretty cool. At that point, I decided I wanted to be an intercessor, and I asked God to make me one. God honored that prayer.
Intercessors may at times get a burden to pray regarding certain things:
Intercessor’s are very observant, and sensitive to certain things. God will often give an intercessor a burden on something close to his heart and allow the intercessor to pray regarding that thing to see God’s will done in a situation instead of what the normal circumstances would have ensued.
In some cases, intercessor’s have to have enough discernment to know when a burden is too heavy for them to carry alone. Some burdens are given to us by God to pray only, and others to take additional action along with prayer. The last burden that God gave me to carry had gotten so heavy on me that I lost sleep, and could hardly pray anymore. That is when I knew, I had to seek counsel from others to take proper action while praying concurrently about the situation that was going on.
Prophetic Intercession:
Prophetic Intercession comes about when something is revealed to a person by God to pray concerning because it will happen in the future. Sometimes, prophetic intercession can be us prophesying and decreeing in prayer by faith what God has shown us until it manifests, or it can be praying against something that will happen prior to for a different outcome to occur.
For example, one day I was eating while waiting for one of my friends to come over to my house to pick me up to go somewhere. I got an unction to pray, but did not know what to pray about. I put the food down and begin to pray in the spirit. When I felt a release as if the mission was accomplished in prayer, the Lord showed me what I had been praying about. He let me know that something would happen to the car when we were out, but everything would be okay. My friend picked me up and we had a blow-out on the expressway. We were able to ride to the nearest exit and could not change the tire because the lug-nut would not come off. It had to have a special machine to take off the lug-nut.
We ended up at a gas station where a man getting gas had a special machine on the outside of his truck that was able to remove the lug-nut. The man had been through a lot of hard things in life, and had given up on God and the church. We witnessed to him, and he helped us with our tire. All was well, and God’s will was done.

Another example of prophetic intercession is in a similar experience, I was led of God to pray. I prayed in the spirit again, and this time I ended up calling my co-worker’s name out before the Lord and binding up the spirit of death, and pre-mature death, and pleading the blood of Jesus all over him. At the end of this prayer as I got a release in my spirit, God showed me the young man standing outside of his car that had been totaled with his title in his hand. I got to work a couple weeks later, and my co-worker had been late. He apologized to the boss sharing how he had been involved in an accident sharing he has nothing left of the car, but his title in hand.
I shared this with my prayer-partner who is a prophet, and she shared how God used me to spare the young man’s life, and he was supposed to die that night.

Assignments of Intercessors:
As an intercessor, I have gotten various assignments from God to pray for a person, or leaders, and even some public figures as well. I believe in all families, God has set aside an intercessor(s) for himself to further his purpose, will, and plan for the family members and also to preserve life. I have been an intercessor for a long time in my family.

Often intercessors are praying for other people, and their prayers are prayed in secret as they see the manifestation of God’s answer in public. Intercessors are normally not self-seeking, but seeking God’s will.

But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. Matthew 6:6

Intercessors are natural teachers:
Due to the fact that intercessor’s hang out in God’s presence a lot in prayer, they get a lot of wisdom, knowledge, and insight that otherwise they would not have. This retaining of wisdom and revelation from God causes us to be natural teachers.
Attacks on Intercessor’s:
Intercessor’s take a lot of hits as far as spiritual attacks from the enemy. They can be misunderstood because of the revelation that they receive, but are refreshed greatly in the presence of the Lord. God is no respecter of persons and is in need of intercessors. Accept the challenge from God to pray and go to God on behalf of others.

And he spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint – Luke 18:1
Pray without ceasing. 1 Thessalonians 5:17
I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people. – 1 Timothy 2:1

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Ladies: Four Ways to tell if a Man Loves You

He Invests in himself
The Bible makes it clear that we cannot love others unless we first love ourselves. This is a principal that is true despite religious affiliation. It will work for whoever works it. A good sign that a guy is a good catch is that he loves himself, and that is clearly seen through him investing in himself. This man will invest in himself by submitting to authority, being humble enough to know that he doesn’t have it all together, and ultimately submitting to God.

Trust me, if he isn’t willing to invest in himself, he will not be willing to invest in you nor your relationship together. He may instead be selfish enough to invest only enough in the relationship to get what he wants and continue in his own world. I’ve experienced in the past the man who would not invest in himself. He hinted to leaning heavily on me for basic things that he should have had together already before even pursuing a woman such as submission to God, spiritual leadership, and having his own identity.

A man without the proper identity of himself will compare himself to his lady and even become jealous of her. These are all unhealthy when seeking to build a healthy relationship. When we find a man who is willing to invest in himself, we should know that we may be heading in the right direction. It just may be the direction of love.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. Ephesians 5:29

He protects
I’ve been in awe of this man who has recently been pursuing me. From our first conversation in making plans to get to know each other, he showed me his natural instinct as a man to protect a woman. How sexy?

We had discussed going out on a particular day, but to our surprise it began to snow pretty bad here in Chicago. My new friend shared how he would feel so bad if something happened to me while trying to meet up with him in the snow. Because of the snow, we both decided to re-schedule our outing for the next day.

He is selfless and respectful
The second instance of my friend attempting to protect me was when he asked me what I’d feel comfortable with physically as we got to know one another. He shared how in a previous relationship a kiss to his then interest took her to a place that she did not feel comfortable going.

I thought it was very thoughtful for him to bring that up and make sure that I felt comfortable with any physical action before just giving it a try. Not only is that a sign of protection, but a sign of respect and selflessness. Men love to be physical. That is one of the ways that they love to express their love, but because I am not comfortable with any physical action at the moment besides what I’d do with a friend such as a hug or something, my friend has agreed to not move further in the physical arena unless we both agree. We know that sex of course is not an option until marriage.

Right now, we are both just focusing on getting to know each other in general without the distraction of kissing, rubbing, or any such thing at the moment. If indeed the gentlemen is the one for me, there will be plenty of time for that later. We will continue to proceed with caution, the fear, and wisdom of the Lord in this area.

He Loves Me. He Loves Me Not.

He is patient
As a single woman of God who has been waiting on a mature man of God for a long time, it’s easy to develop a form of being guarded from men that are obviously inappropriate for us.

That was the case with me. Not only do I proceed cautiously regarding guys who do not appear appropriate, but also with guys who may appear appropriate for me as well. We all have been fooled a time or two by a love interest’s presentation. Thus, I am not very quick to commit right after meeting someone to an all in relationship.

There was a phone call that my friend and I had where I thanked him for being a good friend. His response was, “I am not trying to just be your friend.” I had discussed with him previously that I wanted to take things slow and did not want to just jump into things right away. I wanted to see his character, and for him to see mine, and for us to decide if we really agreed to move further after having more of a foundation on each other.


Men can tend to become very excited when they see what they want, especially if they get a response too! Oh, it is on! Look at Adam, who knew his wife at first glance speaking to who she is.

The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” Genesis 2:23

Sometimes, guys just simply know what they want. Whereas, me on the other hand, I know what I want, but am not immediately sure if a particular guy is what I want off hand. My friend despite my reservation, chose to stick around because he says he is patient, and that he is.

Love scripture: Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Even with all of the good traits displayed, we should continue to look for consistency over the course of time. Time will ultimately tell you if someone is right for you. Holding fast to your standards, boundaries, and values will protect you during the time of getting to know your potential spouse. This was the case for me in this dating scenario. While the gentleman was a really good guy: he ultimately ended up not being the guy for me and that’s okay. Every dating relationship will not turn out to marriage. Everyone isn’t for us. It’s better to know this prior to marriage as it will be less hurtful than moving forward to marriage and having to divorce later.

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Heart Check

I love to do something called a heart check periodically. A heart check is a check of how tuned in my heart’s affections are toward the things of God. Most importantly, how in tuned my heart’s affections are toward the greatest commandment:

He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'” – Luke 10:27 (NIV)

Why a heart check? Because our hearts are naturally prone to sin. Yep, that’s right. It doesn’t matter how holy we think we are. We’ve all felt that sensationalism toward sin, whether, gossip, watching something inappropriate, or just thinking a wrong thought. It happens naturally.
What does not happen naturally is our intention toward loving God, and loving God’s way. That is something that we have to train ourselves in. Something that we have to make a conscience decision everyday to practice discipline regarding.
We have to practice discipline in not only seeking God, but having a desire to seek him and to hear what he has to say on any and all matters that concern us. We can drown out the voice of God by being too much in tune with things, messages, and distractions that do not concern God nor his way.

Psalms 97:10 – Let those who love the Lord hate evil. He preserves the lives of his saints; he delivers them from the hand of the wicked.

Periodically, the question what has your affections comes up in my spirit and that is when I do my heart check praying things like:  Lord, allow my heart to be after the things that concern your heart. Lord, help me to guard my heart according to your will.
King David realized the need for a clean heart praying to God to create in him a clean heart and to renew the right spirit within him. The truth is when we get all out of the way of where God is calling us to be, it doesn’t start just with our action, it actually starts in the heart way before we commit any act. When we allow our affection to take another turn outside of where God called us that is when we began to falter.
Our hearts could easily become concentrated on the wrong thing by opening doors of watching the wrong things on television that feed our hunger for sensationalism, lust, and passion.
Let’s remember the parable of the man with the great investment who saved it and stored it up on earth saying to himself look at what I have accomplished. His affections were all on the wrong thing–his wealth. He did not know that what really mattered was a rich life toward God. He had placed too much attention on what really did not matter allowing what did to slip away. (Luke 12:16-21)
Let’s make sure that our heartbeat is beating toward the things that God designed it for, and that is himself, and his direction for our lives. Heart check time.

 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. – Colossians 3:2-3

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Remember your Priority as the Lord Elevates You

Beware of unnecessary distractions as the Lord promotes. I have to remind myself as I have just recently released a book not to take my focus off of God’s assignment for me. Over-busy schedules, and unfounded judgments from others are two of the major things that Satan uses to distract us from what we are to focus on as God promotes us.

I learned from an older woman early on not to just take on every engagement offered to me, but to let a person know that I will get back to them and let them know after I have prayed and thought about it. Why? Because every engagement may not be conducive for what God is doing in that moment of my life. This does not mean that God will give me a yay and nay for every engagement. It just means that I will consider some things first.

For example, Is my schedule already flowing at a healthy pace where I have ample time to seek the Lord, remain faithful to my assignments, and still get enough rest to maintain who I am. If that is a no, then I know not to take on anymore engagements until the priority of my personal health and wholeness in Christ and my own personal life is secure.

God is not calling us to over do it, but to remain balanced in him as we go up higher. It is easy for people being promoted into their destinies to become overwhelmed seeking the favor of people instead of counting up the cost, and seeking to remain in tune with God’s specific assignment over their lives.

The more that we are promoted, the more responsibility that we have to give an account for, and it would be wise to count the cost in order to complete the assignment that God has given us. Sometimes, that will mean saying no to the agendas of others around us, and that is okay.

28 “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? 29 For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, 30 saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’

Another way that Satan distracts our focus from Christ is to place our focus on people in a manner where we feel as though we have to defend ourselves. The reality is that some people will always have something negative to say. Everything great will have opposition, we have to simply realize that and keep our focus set.

We have to be mature enough in those situations to continue to walk in love and be led by the Spirit. The below scriptures are helpful in situations where we may be tempted to defend ourselves:

A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. 2 Timothy 2:24 (NLT)”

Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good? 14 But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, 15 but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, 16 having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. 17 For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God’s will, than for doing evil. 1 Peter 3:8-17 (ESV)”

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What Now that I have No Reason to Say No Part II

The job that I work with does contract work at times for an outside agency which requires me to work downtown at times with others from different agencies. One morning, I had gotten to work and one of my sisters in Christ from one of the other agencies was just on the clouds. I wondered what the deal was, and little did I know she had the same issue that I had.
She met someone who met appropriate qualifications as well on a trip to Cuba. They’d been talking for some time now, and she had been pretty content like me. She shared some tidbits of wisdom that she had implored. The first was her accountability tactics. For one, most of her accountability partners are married as she shared that they give her a more realistic picture of how to get to her goal of marriage.
She is like me also in that she is not really giddy when it comes to men. She is more open and laid back as far as getting to know a gentleman as trustworthy and mature enough to maintain a relationship with her more so than the emotions of romance. Not that emotions and romance are bad, but without the appropriate foundation romance and emotions are fleeting.
Thus, she initiated a conversation about guarding one another’s heart. How can they guard one another’s heart and what boundaries can they set in place to do so. These were the questions she asked. In part, because she was not sure where she wanted to go. If they’d just be friends, potential marriage partners, or seasonal associates.

Sometimes we just don’t know what a person is to be in our lives, but we have God’s peace that he is to be there. In those cases, it is highly important to guard one another’s heart. I planned on having a similar conversation with my friend and to set some boundaries to make sure that our relationship is heading into the right direction.
When I first bought up the ideal of guarding one another’s hearts, my friend somewhat took it as a rejection, and I had to expound that it was not a rejection, but whether laying a foundation of simply getting to know each other over the emotional and physical aspects that a romantic relationship can bring to the table. Besides a guy who can be a girl’s friend first has a better chance with a girl, than a guy who just pops up and expects a girl to just immediately be all into a full blown relationship. It’s like, “I don’t even know you fam!”
My new friend was already doing a pretty good job of guarding my heart prior to the conversation; however, it’s a good ideal to still have these types of conversations so that we are not caught off guard by becoming too intimate too soon. When I say too intimate, I am not just talking about sex, but too intimate in conversation speaking to one another as if we are already in a full blown relationship or as if we are sure things are heading that way when we really have made a decision yet.

One of my accountability partners cautioned me regarding this. Her take was that saying things like I miss you too soon or I love you too soon could escalate the relationship before an appropriate foundation is layed in getting to know one another. While this can be wisdom, we want to naturally be ourselves as well. Part of my personality is to tell someone that I miss them when I have not spoken with them for a while, so I could only hold out so long on that one. The Holy Spirit is the best leader and director of what should or should not be said. The best advice that I received on what to do is to be led by the Spirit in this process.
While we did not leave the conversation with any specific rules of what can be said and what cannot be said, at least it is out there that we are taking our time right now to simply get to know one another to see if we’d be good fits for marriage. This provides a more realistic aspect of where we are and reduces pressure that can come from unexpressed expectations.

As I’ve shared with my students in times past the only way you will be able to tell if someone is for you is through the process of time. Time will tell. During that time, proper boundaries and the fear of the Lord protects us as we make our decisions on how to proceed forward.
So far, I’ve already learned some interesting things about him such as what his passions are and whether he is sure of his purpose or not. I think the most interesting discussion that we have had so far is about the Holy Spirit. How cool to have someone that I can talk with about both natural and spiritual things without being looked at like huh. Praise God! It’s nice to have someone in our lives where we don’t have to be afraid of being ourselves. Well, this is a new experience for me that I hope every single woman of God who is desiring and believing God for someone gets to experience.

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What now that I have no reason to say no

Up until now, I haven’t had a reason to entertain a guy for a reasonable length of time. Either the brothers were immature, in their flesh, or I just did not see them as a possible romantic interest or neither did they see me as the same.

However, recently I’ve found myself in a position that came straight out of the blue.  I met a godly and mature young brother over the Valentine’s Day weekend. How ironic. Ironic because, I live my life pretty content as a single. I had just written a blog on being thankful for the love that we have even in the absence of romantic love.

Now that I have the interest of a handsome, saved, mature, and considerate gentleman who is clear about his interest (not playing games) plus intentions toward me of seeking a wife; I kind of don’t know what to do. I had gotten so used to dismissing the wrong guys; that I was completely caught off guard when the right type of guy appeared.

Questions that I never really had to delve into as much before now come to surface, such as how should I now implore accountability, how do I continue to be consistently faithful to God as a single now dating, am I supposed to feel lovey dovey all of a sudden or does it take time.

All of these questions come to mind now because more than a desire for a godly spouse filled with intimate companionship and love, I want to please God. Instead of trying to figure everything out, I will enjoy the journey of getting to know the gentleman in a non romantic way. I don’t want to force anything, but want things to happen naturally.

Finally, I will continue to seek the Lord regarding everything while being thankful. Thankful, for being able to witness for myself that all of the lies that I have had to fight up until this point remain untrue. Lies that say: There are no good godly men, men don’t want women set apart by God, compromise is a must to have a relationship. The devil is a liar!

We as women don’t have to compromise who we are to get a man. It is our willingness to embrace who we are that sets us apart making us attractive to the right man. The right man will praise us for our virtue instead of seeking to entice us to lower our standards to meet selfish desires.

Proverbs 31:28 -30 – Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all” (He sets  her apart from the rest). Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Again, this type of a woman is set apart from the rest as a cut above. Ladies, we have to know who we are and be bold in who we are, and the real men of God will recognize that. It is similar also with men of God. True women of God will recognize that, and hold those men in high esteem.

Stay tuned for part II as I learn what to do now that I have no reason to say no.

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How We Wait Determines Our Outcome

Everyone has to wait for something in life. As believers that is part of our development in learning how to trust in the Lord. In my new book, “The Single Christian Woman’s Guide.” I discuss how I have been blessed as a single to see both sides of the spectrum. Meaning, I have been blessed to see both singles and married couples waiting on the Lord for something.
Waiting on the Lord does not stop when we get married. It is something that we will experience for the rest of our lives. When God fulfills one promise, we will wait for him to fulfill the next. I have married friends who are waiting to have a baby, others who are waiting for their children to grow old enough to work on fulfilling their dreams. Waiting is a process that helps us to increase our intimacy with God. It causes us to be in situations outside of our control whereby we have no choice, but to trust God.
God reveals himself, and our faith is made stronger. The children of Israel had to wait until God raised up the deliverer Moses. Had the children of Israel not been in bondage for 400 years, how would they have known that the Lord could deliver. Waiting on God produces intimacy with God. It also solidifies our relationship with God to know that he is a keeper of all of his promises.
How we wait on God also determines the outcome of our waiting on the Lord. I have been meditating on Matthew 25 where there is a parable given about 10 virgins. 5 virgins were wise, and the other 5 virgins were foolish. The wise virgins kept their lamps filled with oil, while the foolish virgins took for granted their need for oil and ran out. They ended up missing the bridegroom when he came because they had to go back and prepare at the last minute instead of remaining in a position of readiness like the other 5 wise virgins.

We know that this parable is in regards to Jesus Christ coming back for the church, which is figurative for the bride of Christ, and those that were unprepared will miss Christ’s coming and be shut out of the marriage ceremony to take place between Christ and the church. However, the principal is still the same regardless if we are relating the story to Christ and the church or singles waiting for the spouse that God has promised.
There is something that we have to do on our parts. We have to remain faithful as we wait. If we read the story of the 10 virgins, we see that they all became drowsy, restless and fell asleep. In other words, they all faced the same temptations, hardships, and pulls from other things to neglect what was necessary in staying ready for their promise. However, some remained faithful and ready while some did not.

We have a choice as singles how we will respond to this waiting process. We do not have to give in to compromise and things of the world that would rob us of our position of readiness. We can remain faithful knowing at the appointed time, God’s promise will show up suddenly like the bridegroom in the story and we will not have time to re-prepare.

At that point, if we aren’t in position to receive, we may have to take a pass on what God had for us in that moment and prepare for another opportunity. Thankfully, by God’s grace he does provide us with other opportunities.

This is what I believe is going on right now in the body of Christ. Those that have been faithful (not perfect, but faithful) waiting on the Lord, being obedient all that they know how, trusting the Lord all that they know how, and looking crazy in their obedience; God is getting ready to suddenly bless those people with what they have been waiting on.

Singles that have waiting on the Lord for a spouse and were faithful in their singleness are about to get blessed. There are many relationships that God is getting ready to build this year in the kingdom of God for his glory.

Those that have been unfaithful, and have walked after the spirit of the world, even putting their mouths on some of those who remained faithful are going to see the Lord bless those that have been faithful, and they will be provoked to prepare and to begin to wait like the 5 foolish virgins who had to return again to get their oil and prepare for what was coming.

Those that were unfaithful are going to willingly take a pass because they know within themselves they are not ready. They will began to prepare, and wait for another opportunity when they are indeed ready, and God will get all of the glory.

It is not a vain thing to wait on the Lord! We can remain faithful in our waiting with full assurance that God will bring his word to pass that he has promised! God is good!

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