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I Don’t Need A Man to be Whole; I Need A Man Qualified to Walk With Me

We as women have to remember our power of influence.We have the power and authority by God to change the course of a nation, household, life, and whatever we set our sights on. So, why do we set our sights so low regarding ourselves when it comes to getting a man? Just like Eve in the garden of Eden was able to influence the whole direction of man kind by following the poor advice of a snake; we as women have the power to encourage men in positive ways to influence them and generations to come.

One of the major ways that we can influence is through holding up a standard. Whether we know it or not, women set the standard when it comes to relationships. Our power is in the standard that we set. When we set a standard, we have to take ourselves seriously and stick to that standard. If we do not stick to the standard, the men around us will not take us seriously, and will lose respect for us.

We are the prize. The Bible says that a godly wife is from the Lord. That means that she is to be prized as being received and prepared by God to be given to a man who has earned favor from the giver, who is God. There is a standard to be met. God’s standards are set around us to protect us, and to preserve us. Not only do our standards protect us, and preserve us, but they provoke men to reach a higher standard. This is how we as single women help men. We remove ourselves from them when they are not ready to attain to God’s standard.

In the garden of Eden, God did not present Adam with his wife until he was ready for her. He taught Adam the value of walking with God first, being prepared financially through working in the garden, and the value of having someone else through viewing the pairing of animals. Before God bought Eve to Adam, He showed him how all of the animals had someone to compliment them of the opposite sex. The same thing goes for relationships now. Men have to see the value in having us in their lives. They have to lose the ideal of using women selfishly and conveniently for sexual pleasures without taking on the responsibility of performing the rest of the role of having a man in one’s life. Things such as being the spiritual covering over the household, guarding against ungodly influence that seeks to break up the home, and walking together with his lady, not below her or above her. There is so much that I could say on this, but we as women need to stop being so afraid of being alone that we are willing to compromise what God has promised to us just to belong to someone temporarily.

I say temporarily because most times if a man isn’t ready and prepared; the relationship that we establish with them will not last. We start all over again disappointed again, when we could simply hold up a standard, measure, and say this ain’t it I think I’ll continue to wait. It is just that simple. That same man moves on to the next woman who doesn’t know her worth. When we relax our God given standard we enable men not to grow, not to get prepared, not to submit to the Lord. They simply have no motivation to do so. Let’s be used by God as motivator’s for men to get into position and stop lowering our price as if we aren’t worth much. The devil is a liar!!!!

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Jonathan McReynolds on How He Deals with the Girls, Staying Grounded, Inner-City Problems & More:

Recently, I got the chance to sit in on an interview session with recording artist Jonathan McReynolds. He discussed several interesting things regarding himself personally, and his career. He started out talking about how he grew up in the South Shore neighborhood in Chicago. He shared how he was exposed to several different artists across various genres, and one day he made a CD filled with music for his family for Christmas and the CD was heard by a pastor who was working out with another pastor from Chicago. His message quickly began to spread via word of mouth.

After Pastor John Hannah heard the CD, he began to play it on the air, and booked Jonathan to sing at his church. Johnathan was in college at the time, and the night he sung at Pastor John Hannah’s church he sold one thousand cds at $10 making $10,000 in one night. That was enough for him to know that he should pursue singing more seriously. Not long after that Johnathan got a record deal.

This new journey has led to him meeting some amazing people that he never thought that he would meet such as Stevie Wonder, India Arie, and other admired artists. He shared that he stays humble because his family will not allow him to get lifted up in pride. They keep it very real with him. He recently was given a position by Huffington Post as a blogger. He shared how when writing certain posts, he will ask his mom what she thinks about it, and she will say, “ it is good, but make sure you explain to them what sin is.”

Jonathan was asked how he deals with girls who may come at him incorrectly, and he gave a great answer. He shared how most of the young girls that are in their teens are at a stage in life where they will be boy crazy for somebody. While he is not trying to be a gospel heart-throb, he feels that the attention can be used in a good manner to point the young girls to the Lord. He says he would rather the girls give that type of attention to him than a Trey Songz or a Chris Brown because he will share with them how he lives his life. When asked about how he sees urban cities such as Chicago in particular with all of the violence that has ensued, he responded that he felt that many of the problems that we see when it comes to violence is due to a lack of worth, and regard for human life.

He went on stating how back in the day, most of the violence was equated to gangs such as the Gangsta Disciples, and the Vice Lords, but now it is simple rap beefs that young people have on YouTube. He pointed to his organization, “Elihu.” sharing how his organization is there to help young people and to provide scholarships for them as well. Finally, he shared that his inspiration in getting a Master’s Degree at Moody Bible Institute was to keep himself accountable to reading the word, and disseminating the correct information in his music.

Hear more from Johnathan McReynolds on the below Periscope video found at this link Below:
Urban Praise – Jonathan McReynolds, Christ Rep. at Urban… | Facebook

Also, check out some video from his Album release held in Chicago from last summer:

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The Temptation to Dishonor Men:

It is in no way easy to be a single woman of God in waiting. The pain that we face from disappointing hopefuls or no hopefuls at all; breeds a rejection that is indescribable. Often the above described leads us to want to place the blame on someone. What if more men were in position to take on a bride, and to be more responsible and lead as they should? If this were the case, we as single women would be fine. We would not be tempted at times to hate and dishonor the man.

I’ve been through all of the above and now that I’ve met a mature man of God who actually expresses his love toward me, I am forced to look at my response as a woman to ensure that I keep that man in a position of honor in my life. I thought to myself about how as a single I met a lot of guys who seemed mature and honorable, but when they showed me different I was tempted to dishonor them.

What if my husband who has proven to be a well rounded mature man of God became tired or went through a season where he did not express his love for me in the way that he should? Would I as his wife disrespect him? At some point our response as women to respect our men cannot be based solely on him doing his part. What if all of the temptation and disappointment faced with men as singles prepared us to respect our husbands as married women even when we felt they did not deserve it?
Yes, men do have more responsibility, and many men often fell at that responsibility, but that is more of a reason to hold them up helping them by respecting them and who God called them to be despite their performance.

In the world that we live in, it is so easy to criticize people in positions that we are not in. Many say if I was in this position or that position, I would do differently, but the Bible teaches us to judge others as we would judge ourselves. If we were men, and made similar choices, would we not desire mercy and respect? Yes, we would because we desire the same thing four ourselves.

For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Matthew 7:2 (NIV)

Finally, respect and putting up with foolishness are two different things. As a single, I’ve had zero tolerance for foolishness, and that has saved me from a lot of mess. It may have led me to be single longer, and thus deal with feelings of being alone longer, but at least I’ve had peace of mind.

Allow the Lord to examine your own heart and to expose all bitterness, disrespect, resentment, and un-forgiveness so that you will be prepared  to be a woman who honors men even in the face of dishonor, and God will harvest honor back to you.

Don’t be misled–you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. Galatians 6:7

See blog post “What to do about the man Crisis” on my Holy Neck Swirl Website (Website for book: “The Single Christian Woman’s Guide.”)  See at link: http://www.holyneckswirl.com/?p=349

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Why Beyonce’s Lemonade was on Point

I know I am a bit late, but I finally got around to viewing the Lemonade video. Besides the cursing, and inclusion of same sex couples at the end, I felt that it described very well the journey of many women. One thing about Beyonce’, she has always associated her music with the woman’s struggle and journey for love and acceptance from men.

She cleverly and artistically went through the various seasons that many women find themselves going through within their lives when we face disappointment from men.
Disappointment and the Inability to Control the Actions of Men No Matter How Good We Try to Be:
The beginning showed the disappointment of betrayal from a man cheating. She had started out in the video as a good girl, who was trying to be a good wife that pleased her husband; despite this the man still cheated on her.
She fasted, prayed, wore white, and yet still got the short end of the stick. Like many women who face disappointment while waiting on God, trying to live holy, and yet expectations for an appropriate man have not been met. Things sometimes get so hard, that we begin to question if it will really make a difference to live for the Lord or not because either way we experience terrible pain.
We want to control the situation as women. We want to bring it to something that we feel we can handle. Beyonce’ mentioned that she was not too perfect for her worth to be brought so low. The truth is no matter what we do; some things will be outside of our control.

Natural Reactions to Disappointment:
Anger was the only next natural expression after so much disappointment. She yelled, and cursed as she complained to her crew. She dropped the brother, and hung with her girls putting on a shell of hardness like women do even to the point of acting like a man in ways. Sounds familiar.
Also, like many women she drowned her disappointment in work. There is a song in the video that talks about a woman hustling Friday through Sunday, and crying Monday-Friday. While she was out hustling, drowning herself in her career her house was burning down. This segment was called emptiness. No matter how fulfilled she appeared chasing her dreams and career, she still was empty on the home front.

Forgiveness is the only resolution to be free from Disappointment and Jesus Christ will help us with that:
She had to come to the point of forgiveness. During this revelation, she showed other women who had faced hard things such as the mother of Trayvon Martin, and Michael Brown; who had also faced heavy betrayal’s by the law and the government that even after those hard trials they still had to find within themselves to forgive so that they would not become slaves to their experiences, but that they would be free enough to use those experiences to make lemonade to serve to someone else.
There was so much in the video. Even the point where an excerpt from one of Malcom X’s sermon’s was used to show how Black women lack protection in many ways. Despite the many hard things endured, an emphasis was placed on Jesus Christ to find strength to forgive. She showed herself dying to old ways of thinking and old perceptions, perhaps that of trying to be so hard in a sense to protect her self from men like the one who hurt her.

She became in a sense born again, and her love for her husband was resurrected. Reconciliation had taken place. In the end, her and her love seemed to be happier. She ends the video with a song that talks about rebuilding trust before intimacy is encountered. You know I am feeling that ideal. As a single woman who has experienced disappointment, I am not quick in the lest to allow a guy to be too affectionate with me right away. His love and ability to display trustworthiness knocks down that wall of hardness and guarded-ness that has been built up as a single woman just like in the video.
A beautiful depiction of the woman’s journey. Job well done!
Recommended for you

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A prayer for My Younger Brothers and Sisters in Christ

A prayer for my younger brothers and sisters in Christ is that they would not be afraid to walk through certain things—things such as trials, temptations, and tribulations that are uncomfortable and we don’t know how things will turn out. Why? Because these things make us. They make us into who we ought to be. I feel like sometimes the spirit of fear can disguise itself in over preparation as if the over preparation will cause one to avoid going through anything at all, but Biblically, it is good for us to go through certain things.

 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:
 But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy. 1 Peter 4:12-13

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. James 1:3-4

Going through certain things is how we become made.

We have to know that although we may have to walk through some very low valleys that the Lord is with us and that his rod and staff of provision, direction, and protection will comfort us. We have to know that in the face of attack from our enemies that God will prepare a table for us to be satisfied, whole, and complete. Why? Because God is enough.

Apostle Paul asked the Ephesian church to pray for him that he would be bold in preaching the gospel. In order for Paul to be bold in preaching the gospel, he had to go through some things, which he indeed did. It is through the practice of putting on the whole armour of God in Ephesians 6 that he was able to stand through out the things that he went through. That is what made him into such a bold and passionate preacher and Apostle of God’s word. He had been tested and tried and came out as pure gold or better. (Job 23:10)

We will like Apostle Paul come out better, firm, and assured also when we learn how to go through depending on God and the weaponry that he has given us to fight with. When you miss your bible reading time, pull up the Bible app and plug it into your car to listen while driving to work or school. You will need to get the word of God in you anyway that you can in order to be comforted as you overcome through Jesus Christ.

While there are some things that we can avoid going through because of our obedience to God; There are also some things that God will require us to go through to make us into who he has called us to be. Even Jesus was led of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil.

Surely, we the servants of Christ are not greater than our Lord in this.Recommended for you

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Have You Ever Been Invited to a Meeting With The Lord?

Have You Ever Been Invited to a Meeting With The Lord?
Maybe a more familiar way to put this would be a visitation with the Lord. That’s what I believe the old school called it. This is when God pricks your heart to let you know that he wants to meet with you for whatever reason is on his heart.

Jacob is one of the first examples that comes to mind when I think about meeting with the Lord. God met with Jacob giving him a dream showing him what he was to do with him, and that he was to be with him in the process (Read Genesis 28:10-20.)

Jacob made a memorial to the Lord, and his confidence in God was strengthened. Often God uses a dream at night to speak with or visit his people when we are really busy, and unbeknownst to his voice.
Indeed God speaks once,
         Or twice, yet no one notices it. “In a dream, a vision of the night,
         When sound sleep falls on men,
         While they slumber in their beds,

Then He opens the ears of men,
         And seals their instruction,
That He may turn man aside from his conduct,
         And keep man from pride; Job 33:14
There are other times where God will speak with us while we are wide awake. There are many in the Bible who met with the Lord: Moses, David, Esther, and Abraham. Seeking the Lord and walking with the Lord seemed to be something that was passed down throughout the generations. It is also something that needs to continually be passed down throughout the body of Christ.

It is not hard, but a matter of cultivating a heart toward the Lord. The more time that we spend around the Lord intentionally seeking him, the more we will be able to recognize his voice, and patterns of doing things. Similar to the family and friends that we hang around the most, we learn to recognize their voices more and patterns for doing things.

Those that are used to walking close with the Lord may have recently noticed a shift. The shift feels like it is not as easy for the presence of the Lord and Spirit of God to take up in our prayers as we go before the Lord.

This is an indicator for us to set ourselves to seek the Lord. In seeking the Lord we will be prepared to go higher and deeper in him.
Our hunger and thirst for intimacy with God will not allow us to be satisfied with just checking off a box that says I prayed, and read my word today. We will only be satisfied when we encounter the Lord intimately.
Psalms 27:8-9 When You said, “Seek My face,”
My heart said to You, “Your face, Lord, I will seek.”
Do not hide Your face from me;
Do not turn Your servant away in anger;
You have been my help;
Do not leave me nor forsake me,
O God of my salvation.
Being face to face with a person is significant of intimacy with that person. Normally, we aren’t staring into the eyes of a stranger, but someone that we know intimately. David in the above chapter took God’s hiding of his face as an invitation to set himself to seek the Lord, and as believers we should do the same. It was also David’s heart to seek the Lord as exclaimed in verse 4:
One thing I have desired of the Lord,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord,
And to inquire in His temple. Psalms 27:4

How does one set themselves to seek the Lord?
The best way that I can describe it is a clearing of the table. Meaning the first and highest priority is the Lord. Therefore we clear our schedules. We clear our heart of clutter asking God to cleanse our heart and direct it toward him. We Pray in the Spirit. Those that pray in an unknown tongue pray unto God (1 Corinthians 14:2). Be ready to memorialize what God shows us like Jacob did. Jacob built an altar. As believers we write things down to remember it. Get your journal out and write what God gives you.

We bring our mind and focus completely into Christ allowing God to place whatever he wants on the table whether passion for a new thing, wisdom and direction concerning something on his heart that he wants us to carry out. Whatever it is, we have to clear our table to eat, drink, and fellowship with the Lord.

Fasting is a part of clearing the table to meet with the Lord. Don’t be surprised when God calls you to meet with him, and all of a sudden, you are contacted by several others inviting you into other meetings and events. We should recognize the other invitations as distractions, and deal with them accordingly so that we can get all that Christ has for us.

Recently, I had felt the tug to set myself aside to meet with the Lord. I did not know what it was about, but I had a one track mind that a particular couple of days of last week were to be set aside to meet with the Lord. I re-arranged my schedule so that my blogging stuff was done, and my morning, lunch, and evening time was spent in prayer. I prayed in the Spirit, and got quiet as God began to deal with me about some things concerning my heart. I wrote them down and pondered everything. The point is God still has a desire to meet with us his people, and if we will willingly cultivate our hearts toward the Lord as we walk with him; we will be able to recognize it and meet with the Lord.

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The Need for Intentionality in our Relationship with God and our Spouse

The Need for Intentionality in our Relationship with God and Our Spouse
We cannot live on the intentionality of yesterday in our relationship with our spouse or with God. Just like we planted specific seed to get to where we are today; we are going to have to plant specific seed to not only move to where we are to go for tomorrow, but to maintain our footing of where we are currently avoiding backtracking.

We go from glory to glory in our relationship with God. Even though there are rough patches at times along the way we end up treading on higher ground. Well, sometimes we avoid our responsibility in the process and expect things to happen naturally. This isn’t the case.

For those of us in a relationship, in the beginning we were very intentional to answer the phone every time our boo called, made time to spend with him or her. We set aside time where we would not be distracted from listening to and communing with our loves to really understand and see where they were coming from. But after a while, we felt like we had them. We took them for granted. We made doing the things that we did before a chore or fell back altogether.

We made coming to God a chore. We come to God in prayer and are content without tapping into the Spirit or hearing what God has to say. We have no real connection, and have forgotten how to pour out our souls to the Lord, and receive an answer. We have allowed our satisfaction to come from things that God has provided instead of from fellowship with him.

When our relationship with God feels like the above, it is a sign that we need to be more intentional with God. Just like we fasted and prayed early on, we will need to continue to fast and pray. Just like we set aside un-distracted time in the past to seek God’s heart, we will have to continue to become even more intentional in doing so in moments like the above.

During that un-distracted time we can write in our journals and reflect if our heart is toward the Lord, has anything come into place to remove God from being first in our hearts. We can ask God to examine our hearts, and to remove anything and everything that is not like him.

During this quiet time, we will become refreshed, and our relationship with God will be rejuvenated, and we will find it easier to commune with God in prayer. Even if we don’t see results right away, we must be encouraged to still pursue intentionality in our seeking God, and he will reward us (Hebrews 11:6).

What about when we experience a disconnect in our personal relationships with our spouses?
Well, because our relationship with our spouse is to mirror that of the relationship of Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:30-32). We should become more intentional with our spouses when experiencing a disconnect. I don’t know how many old people that I’ve heard say this phrase, “Remember the reasons why you fell in love with your spouse, and go back to those things.”
In other words, If it floated your spouse’s boat to call regularly or shoot a regular text saying how you miss them or how beautiful that she is; don’t just stop doing that altogether. Go back to those things that drew you all to one another and be intentional about making those things work.
Many marriage ministries use as a guide the book, “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. That book describes learning what relates best to one’s spouse that he or she is loved. Once, this language is found out, the partners respond to each other based on their love language. The book shares what the five love languages specifically are.
When experiencing a disconnect with the hubby or the wife, don’t run to the divorce court, but one to one another. Set apart some time where the both of you are refreshed, relaxed, and rested to discuss where the relationship is, and concerns of the heart. Discuss the goals of the relationship, and set realistic expectations on how to attain those goals.

Some starter questions to evaluate the relationship and facilitate discussion and connection are below:

  • Am I serving you well?
  • Are you satisfied with where our relationship is?
  • How can we make our relationship stronger?
  • If there is a specific issue affecting connection, be sure to address that specific issue in the time that is set apart.

Just like our relationships with our spouses are holy; our relationship with God is holy. To be holy means to be set apart. We have to set apart time to adjust to the tending of these relationships to ensure strength in these covenants. It is in no way easy to maintain a relationship with God nor with a marriage partner without intentionality.

We have to love on purpose, and when it doesn’t feel right have those discussions and take steps to make sure our relationships are strong and solid. Remember the relationship of marriage is to reflect the relationship with God and his bride (the church.) Just like we have to set ourselves aside to keep that relationship strong; we have to do the same thing in our marriages.

A good spouse to Christ makes a good spouse to another. Let’s not be lazy in just expecting our relationship with God and our spouse to work on it’s own, but let’s be intentional in being as diligent as we were on yesterday.

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Why Do the Rebellious Get Blessed While The Faithful Suffer? – Prodigal Part 3

Shifting Our Perspectives

Below are some additional things that will assist in shifting our perspective when situations occur that tempt us to compare ourselves to our sisters and brothers who become blessed before us, and they previously lived a ratchet life.

Have a realistic evaluation of your own righteousness – Our righteousness comes from God.
Just because we may have practiced abstinence for a long time or gone without romantic love for a long time to continue in our pursuit of Christ above being in a relationship doesn’t mean that we are entitled to control when, or how God decides to bless us. It also does not place us above our neighbors. If we have a realistic evaluation of our own righteousness, we will be humble enough to know that it has been the grace of God that has produced the righteousness that we walk in—in our lives. Thus, it should produce a spirit of thankfulness within us instead of anger, and bitterness. This will enable us to receive what God has for us when he is ready to reward us for our obedience.
But godliness with contentment is great gain. 1 Timothy 6:6
Don’t allow the enemy to deceive you out of your inheritance by being lifted up in pride and raising yourself above someone else that you’ve compared yourself to. Don’t fall into the trap. Don’t allow yourself to be distracted. Keep your mind set on God’s perspective.
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5
Thus, having a reasonable evaluation of myself and my own righteousness, I do not expect God’s promise to me to be based off of my own righteousness because my righteousness alone is not enough. I expect God’s promise to me to be based off of God’s character in keeping his word.

Place yourself in the other person’s position, and thank God for them coming to the realization of who God is.
The prodigal son story starts out speaking of how the younger brother is the one who took his inheritance prematurely, which means that he was not yet mature. He was lacking in some way. Often, when a person is immature and refuses to humble themselves and listen to the correct way of doing things, that person has to go through some changes. That person often has to hit rock bottom in order to come to a realization of who God is. If you were at rock bottom, would you want someone to pick you up and offer you a chance at life? Yes, I think so. We ought to do the same for our brothers and sisters. We ought to place ourselves in their position to have compassion as the father did. God’s got us. If we truly believe that God is faithful as he is, we ought to be able to take the attention off of ourselves enough to celebrate and love our brothers and sisters.

Finally, if God has entrusted you to be mature, and to be an example among your peers and others; it is an honor for you. It means that God thinks highly of you in that he trusts you to do so. Man your station in which God has given you in life.Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called. 2 Corinthians 7:20
There are those who have been called to endure certain situations simply so that God would get the glory not because they have done something wrong.
As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. John 9:1-3
So, no. You don’t have to follow in the prodigals footsteps to be blessed. Abide in your calling, and allow God to use you to display what he can do. The blind man was blind from birth. That was all that he was known as which was a blind man for years, but God in an instant changed his situation for his glory. That is what God will do for those of us who remain faithful to God and steadfast not allowing bitterness, anger, or competition to rob us of what God has for us.

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Avoiding Becoming the Nagging Woman in Your Relationship

Isn’t it ironic how as human beings dependent on the Lord, we have to always wait on something. I’ve talked about waiting on other occasions in my writings, and how waiting makes us stronger because it exposes what’s in us, and causes us to become more attentive of our need for humility and dependence on Christ.
Imagine the woman who has waited on God for years for a godly spouse, and he shows up. He isn’t exactly as she had pictured. In fact, she really did not know altogether what to picture. He is ready enough for her, but there are those areas that need to be smoothed out so that she can feel more secure as a woman.
In that case, what should the woman do? The natural inclination would be for her to say how she feels until she sees change. However, that can get to the point of nagging.

I like Wikipedia’s definition of nagging:

“Nagging, an interpersonal communication that, is repetitious behavior in the form of pestering, hectoring, or otherwise continuously urging an individual to complete previously discussed requests or act on advice.

”Nagging in turn can work against the woman. Even though she may be wise, It can make her appear as a fool. We know what the Bible says about foolish and quarrelsome women.

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 25:24 (NIV)

 Of course there is a time to speak, and it is very important that feelings are shared instead of being held inside especially when they are important. Sharing will require wisdom with timing and place to ensure what is shared is taken in thus not giving opportunity to a need to repeat what was shared.
Women know their husband’s patterns and such where he will be most receptive of what she has to share. That is what a wise woman does. She applies appropriate timing and place to sharing certain things that are important to her, and she learns once she has shared her most effective work will be in her prayer closet.

The idea is not to avoid the temptation of nagging meaning not ever being placed in an uncomfortable situation, but to become sharper in the area of discipline to pray instead of exercising the need to always say. One of the hardest disciplines for a woman is when she sees things out of place or not how she would like, and nothing has been done to address that. That is when the temptation to dishonor a man comes into play. As women, we really have to depend on the Lord to be able to honor our men in the face of disappointment in various areas.

We have to be sensitive enough in the Spirit to know which wars to fight with silence, grace, and love in our speech and demeanor, and yet raising our petitions sincerely to the Lord who hears them, and will answer them. Perhaps an uncomfortable situation for a woman in courtship or as a wife could be a blessing in teaching that woman not to be selfish or prideful only considering herself and her needs, but to deny herself and respond to the needs of her husband. After all, the bride of Christ’s response is for us to be a living sacrifice holy and acceptable unto the Lord which is our reasonable service (Romans 12:1).

Therefore, both the husband and wife have to deny themselves in the relationship at times. The husband denies himself giving up his life for his wife like Christ did the church, and the wife does the same thing in turn learning to deny herself and to sacrifice for the relationship as it is her reasonable response to her loving husband. In this way, both individuals learn and grow to be more like Christ in their relationship, and that is indeed God’s primary purpose for marriage. Remember if we seek God’s purpose first everything else will be taken care of (Matthew 6:33). So, the relationship will begin to develop into what God intended for us, and that is God’s best.

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Good Men Vs. God Dependent Men: Killing the Lie of Condemnation that Binds Men in Sexual Sin

So, last week I was asked a question on a radio show interview of whether I masturbate or not. The host looked at me very intently slightly surprised by my answer. My answer was simply not anymore. I went on to share that it had been several years since I had been delivered from that.  In that short bit of my answer, I dismantled the lie that the enemy loves to hold over our heads as we try to come to Christ which is the lie that says we are not good enough to come to God because of the sin that we struggle with.

The pretense that I was booked for the show in addition to my book was that I am a 33 year old virgin. Immediately, in people’s mind the thought tends to arise that to be a Christian and a virgin means perfection, but the opposite is true. One of the major lies that I love to dismantle is the lie of condemnation that says living in victory over sexual sin is only for certain people. The devil is a liar! Living in victory over sexual sin is for everyone who wants it.

We all fall short in some way. If we aren’t having sex physically, we may be thinking about having sex with someone who we aren’t married to. The Bible makes it clear that to just think upon a person in a lustful way in our hearts is sin (Matthew 5:28). So, it is not about appearing to be good, but about depending on Jesus Christ because we know that we are not good on our own, and that depending on Christ is what makes us godly.

It is godly to realize that we cannot do good on our own. We are not strong enough on our own to do the things that please God. That is why we have to consistently look to God, and his word allowing his word to cleanse us, and his grace to enable us to come to him even past the feelings of condemnation.

I am reminded of the guy in the Bible who asked Jesus what was required to enter into the kingdom of heaven. Jesus mentioned to him about the keeping of the commandments and so forth. The brother confident in his resume shared that he has kept all of the commandments since he was a child. He called Jesus good master. Jesus used that as an opportunity to teach asking why he would call him good. He went on saying there is none good, but the father.

If you want to enter into the kingdom of heaven, you will need to sell all that you have, and give it to the poor and then come and follow me, Jesus said. That was a hard saying for the man to swallow and he turned and walked away. The man was dependent on his good record to get him into the kingdom. I think he may have wanted Jesus to say: Awe, you good bro! We got your clean sleigh in heaven.

But the truth is God doesn’t want us to trust in our works alone, but to trust in him alone. When we trust in him alone, good works will automatically come because that is when God begins to change our nature (natural way of doing things) to that of his. This is why we bring forth good fruit from dwelling in Christ (John 15).  Our good works our produced out of fellowship with God whether than prideful piety that can save and deliver no man.

This is also why God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness. When we realize our inabilities, we open ourselves up to see God’s ability. So, for those who choose to look at me as if I am some sort of good or perfect woman who is seeking a good or perfect man. That is untrue. I am a woman who has learned to rely on Christ, and the man that I choose to marry will be a man who is imperfect, but has chosen to rely on Christ as well. Our deeds alone are not enough, but God is.

Please, don’t choose to believe the lie of condemnation that says that we are not good enough to come to Christ because of our weaknesses or struggles. Don’t choose to believe the lie that says we should separate ourselves from God, his people or his house until we overcome in areas of weakness in the flesh. Our weaknesses should be more of a reason to come to Christ, and when we do we will then learn to become godly men and women.

Sidenote: The old school tried to shame people into doing what was right, but God’s word says that it is his goodness that draws and leads us to repentance.

Check out my book: The Single Christian Woman’s Guide for more on overcoming sexual sin. I have a whole chapter on that called, “All About the Hormones.

“Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance? Romans 2:4 (NIV)

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

For more on God’s Grace Read the article, “The Misinterpretation of God’s Grace“

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