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When is it Okay to Trust a Man as Single Ladies Wanting a Relationship?

I used to struggle with the idea of whether it was okay or Biblical to trust a man. I would think of scriptures in the Bible on not putting trust in men (Jeremiah 17:5). I observed the fickleness of the men around me, and still came to  a conclusion of confusion that it was not okay nor safe to trust men. However I wondered if there isn’t a place at all to trust men then how do marriages have anything solid that is worth building on. Then one day it clicked in my mind what I believe the appropriate and balanced perception is of the idea of trusting men.

That balance is to trust God in a man. Trusting God in a man means trusting the fact that the man is submitted to and following Christ. It’s almost just the same as trusting God, but we are trusting in God as He operates in our man. Like Paul when he says follow me as I follow Christ (1 Corinthians 11:1) . The moment the man stops following Christ, and we continue to trust in him, that is when we fall.

Unfortunately, that is what many of us women do. We fail at properly guarding our hearts and allowing our trust to be in God in the name of being “open” to love by trusting in a man who doesn’t deserve our trust because we cannot locate Christ in him to trust in. We in turn give credit to a man to whom no credit is due, and we act shocked when that man doesn’t do us right.

Trust in a unfaithful man is like a broken tooth and foot out of joint (Proverbs 25:19). Being open to anyone without properly guarding our hearts isn’t being open to love. It’s being open to get hurt and possibly so hurt that when appropriate love shows up we are so bitter that we cannot receive it. The adverse side to that is holding our trust for someone who deserves it, but becoming discouraged when we have to hold on to that trust for so long without having anyone to present themselves deserving of our trust. We begin to question whether any man is worth trusting and this can also cause us to become bitter.

Just because a man is saved doesn’t mean that he is trustworthy. It doesn’t mean that he is a bad person, but may not be ready yet to lead a woman. Maybe he hasn’t taken the time to cultivate that side of him that would cause him to earn a woman’s trust. I know we want to give the brothers a pass because he may be saved, and we are tired of waiting or feeling lonely, but sometimes it’s best to continue to wait to allow that man to develop.

We should be looking for Christ in him to trust. In other words, his consistent submission to Christ’s leading which in turn means that he can lead us. In doing this, Christ is displayed appropriately in the marriage relationship. The husband is the physical representation of Christ’s love for the wife, and the wife is the physical representation of the respect we have for Christ

In an imperfect world, how can we be sure that we see Christ in a man to trust him?

A false balance is abomination to the LORD: but a just weight is his delight. – Proverbs 11:1
The above scripture speaks of something being weighed or determined. God already knows the truth, so in the process of determining, it would be simply disrespectful to lie to God or to present a false presentation. A false balance is a false presentation or an appearance. It simply does not add up. A just weight represents something that is truthful. It balances out or it checks out as being authentic. We judge a person’s trustworthiness in this way through a balanced display of consistent fruit, as well as the guidance of the Lord through his word and such.

Now is the time as single women to learn real trust by being open to and placing our trust in the one who can never let us down, and that person is Jesus Christ himself. As we meet men whom we can see consistent submission to Jesus in, we can continue to put our trust in Jesus through trusting that man only as he leads by trusting in Christ himself. Isn’t it wonderful how everything important in the life of a believer is interconnected to Christ? As long as our trust is rooted in Christ, we can never fail.

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The Spirit of Witchcraft Among Single Believers:

When people think of witchcraft, they think of people casting spells, doing incantations, and experimenting with the forbidden, and yes that is witchcraft, but that isn’t the only type of witchcraft there is. According to the Bible Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft (1 Samuel 15:23). To rebel means to change the order of a thing in order to manipulate it according to our own selfish way. That in essence is what witchcraft is. There is an appropriate way to do things and an inappropriate way to do things, and when we seek our own way instead of God’s way; it is a spirit of witchcraft. We in essence rebel against God’s order for our own.

The door to operate in a spirit of  witchcraft through manipulating the natural order of a thing is often opened through a spirit of fear. Fear in not trusting God and doing things his way. Often, in waiting for God’s way of things to be done, we see no immediate results. This can easily produce a spirit of fear rather than trust in God. That spirit of fear tempts us to act on our own instead of waiting for God to reveal his plan to us.  In our fear to not trust God as we should; we begin to manipulate people, situations, and positions to make things work out in our favor. A spirit of witchcraft is birthed out of a spirit of unbelief, and mistrust in God, which produces fear and the fear produces witchcraft.

Witchcraft in single men: Witchcraft in single men is often shown in continuing to walk in the same patterns walked in when the gentleman were in the world. Most women who have talked with a worldly man, is familiar with the “break a woman down” tactic that men use to get women to gain interest in them who otherwise would not be interested. That way is often manipulation. A man gets into a woman’s head, and simply put, plays with her emotions to shift them in his favor.

Building a woman up to tear her down is often how this is done. A guy continues to compliment a girl, and show interest in her, and then he ignores her or pretends he isn’t interested in her. The girl is left confused, and her self-esteem is shot. She now only wants for the man who once built her up to affirm her letting her know that she is worthy of him.
This is just worldly game a.k.a. manipulation. I never thought we would have to deal with this mess in the church, but it is in the body of Christ. Girls, we have to be aware, and allow the Holy Spirit to give us discernment.

Witchcraft in single women: This is mainly seen in seduction and women relinquishing their role as women. Women doing things to manipulate men into getting their own way. Jezebel in the Bible is the poster chick for witchcraft in women. She used her looks, words, and influence in order to change the order of the household. Although, she was not the queen, she used the King’s seal as if she were the king. She manipulated her husband Ahab into doing whatever she wished. It got to the point where instead of her husband acting in the position of the head; she took on that responsibility while he took on a more passive role.Women who control, and manipulate their way into things and position do not know their worth nor trust in God.

Single women, often without realizing, fall into the trap of relinquishing their role as a woman to be sought after, pursued, and captured the right way. Instead of backing up and focusing our trust in the Lord to build the man that he has for us, we attempt to build our men ourselves. We move ahead of sound wisdom and discernment and attempt to shape a man into the man of God that he is called to be. That is not our job ladies. It is witchcraft. It is us operating outside of our God-ordained role. We place ourselves in harm’s way to be hurt, misused, disappointed, and abused all because we did not trust God to make the man. It is not a woman’s responsibility to make a man. It is the job of God along with other mature men. Once the man is made or ready; then the Lord presents us to him. Any other way is normally just a distraction. An unready man is a danger sign. Keep away. Guard your heart.

Witchcraft in the Bible: Sarah and Abraham got tired of waiting on God’s promise.  What did they do? They decided to help the Lord out. Instead of waiting on God to manifest his promise–the natural order of things. They decided to bring the promise to pass on their own. God allowed this to happen for them to learn that it is better to trust God. God actually exercises some faith in us by trusting us to eventually get it; instead of controlling us into doing things his way. Those who operate out of a spirit of fear and witchcraft have forgotten who they are and they’ve forgotten who God is. When God does something; he often exceeds our expectations defying natural odds.
Finally, operating out of a spirit of witchcraft becomes a very selfish, and self-centered act:  It is all about I, and then some more I. We see the selfishness of Sarah and Abraham, who after dragging Hagar into their decision. They kicked Hagar out of the house with her baby leaving her to fair on her own. Why? Because of the confusion that resulted from their choice to manipulate the situation. The spirit of witchcraft or manipulation among singles almost always causes a spirit of confusion.

The all about I spirit is the same spirit that overtook Satan in his attempt to overthrow the order of heaven causing confusion among God’s angels in heaven. That is when he was kicked out of heaven. So, there you have it. The spirit of witchcraft ultimately leads to demotion. It is far better to trust God than to manipulate things according to what we think we want or need especially at the expense of hurting others. If you have found yourself being excessively selfish not caring how your actions affect others as long as you reach your bottom line or main goal; You could be operating out of a spirit of selfishness, witchcraft, fear, and unbelief.

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You Are Not Being Punished You Are Being Promoted Part IV

Finally Here comes the Promotion

God had me to read Daniel in my space of transitioning and suffering. There were three specific examples back to back where Daniel had gone through suffering, having his identity attacked, and life threatened, yet he stood on who he was passing the test and each time being promoted for it.

1. Daniel and his three friends were assimilating into the kingdom of Babylon during exile as much as they could while maintaining their identity as Jews. The King Nebuchadnezzar had a dream in which no one could interpret. All wise men were to be killed including Daniel, and his three friends. This was suffering producing fear, and threatening who Daniel and his friends were as wise men. Daniel sought the Lord was given dream plus interpretation. What happened next? Daniel was promoted.

2. Daniel and his three friends again were targeted due to not bowing down and worshiping another God at King Nebuchadnezzar’s command. Their lives and identities in Christ were again threatened as their fate was to be thrown into the fiery furnace. We know how the story ends. God preserved them in the furnace going into the furnace with them, and they came out un-singed by the heat and once again were promoted.
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3. This time, Daniel was under King Darius’ rule and the decree went out from the king not to pray or petition any Gods, but to petition only the King or else the punishment would be the lion’s den. Of course, Daniel prayed three times a day. He was taken and thrown into the lion’s den. God closed the mouth of the lion, and once again Daniel was promoted. What do we gather from this? Despite how hard the pressure gets God will preserve us. When we maintain our God given identity in Christ, it preps us for another level.

Things to do during suffering:

1. Speak and meditate on the Word of God. Allow the Holy Spirit to bring to your remembrance the word of God or to tell you what to meditate on from the word of God. The Holy Spirit is our helper, and he is very active with us in suffering if we listen to him.

2. Fast and pray – This provides clarity (Isaiah 58:8 – Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear) Light like the dawning is significant of clarity.

3. 1 Peter 4:13 – Don’t speak any evil out of your mouth. Only speak God’s word. Practic discipline with the tongue. It’s okay to be quiet; instead of speaking negative. While being quite, meditate on the Word of God.

4. Realize you are going from one level of glory to the next, but God’s process for sharing in his glory is to first share in his suffering. Romans 8:17

5. The joy from understanding what is going on and experiencing the five benefits mentioned earlier should assist you in enduring. For the joy set before him; Jesus endured the cross despising it’s shame. – Hebrews 12:2

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You Are Not Being Punished You Are Being Promoted Part III

The Lies We Fight in Suffering

Below are some of the lies that we have to fight against while going through seasons of suffering that attempt to shift our perspective into something other than the truth. These lies tempt us into making poor choices, and having a cold heart toward the Lord. However, when we face the lies with the truth of God’s word; they cannot stand.

The Lie that It is a vain thing to live for God.
This is one of the biggest lies of confusion that we have to fight during a test, trial, or place of suffering in the kingdom of God. The enemy says that we will suffer and go through crazy pain anyway being obedient to God, so we may as well do what we want and get some relief from the suffering, but the devil is a liar.

God says: It is better to suffer for doing what is right than doing what is wrong (1 Peter 3:17). God says in suffering for righteousness that he expects us to commit ourselves to our faithful Creator. I believe the scripture reminds us in suffering in this passage that God, our creator is faithful, because the other big thing that Satan comes against us with in suffering is that God is not good, yet God reminds us that he is faithful.
So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good. 1 Peter 4:19 (NIV)
God reminds us of his character in suffering, so that we can remain confident that he will bring us to an expected end as he has promised. We only need to continue to do good and to place our trust in him. There are many who fall away from God because of suffering. Many forget that long suffering is a fruit of the Spirit of God. As mentioned earlier without the suffering we would lack the benefits that suffering brings. We need to remain steadfast in knowing that God is making us whole in suffering, and taking us to the next level in him.

The lie that God is not Good due to allowing us to suffer.
We need to be intentional about viewing God correctly in suffering. We need to be intentional about believing that God is good. I had been fasting and praying during my last place of suffering and transition. I was anxious to get home because I had been out all day at work and had a hair appointment. I did not get home until around 11 p.m. When I walked in the door immediately God put a song in my spirit. The lyrics are, “I will remain confident in this I will see the goodness of the Lord.” The song begins by addressing a spirit of fear which we often feel in transition because we may not know what is next. It says, “The Lord is my light and salvation. Whom shall I fear? Of whom shall I be afraid? I will run to you. I will run to you. I will remain confident in this. I will see the goodness of the Lord.”

I had to find the song on YouTube. I pulled it up, and the presence of the Lord came in my room like Whoa! I worshiped the Lord for hours just singing to him from my spirit laying on the floor.

God’s goodness was displayed in his willingness to meet with me, and to allow me to draw strength from being in his presence. During suffering, we have to be more intentional about counting our blessings, and being thankful for those things that God allows us to experience that represent his goodness. In doing so, it helps us to maintain our respect for the Lord and an appropriate image of who he is in our life.
I remain confident of this:
   I will see the goodness of the Lord
   in the land of the living. Psalms 27:13 (NIV)
I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Psalms 27:13 (KJV)The Lie that we must be doing something wrong.
The suffering has to be going on because we are either doing something wrong or have done something wrong. This makes us defensive, and gets us caught up in trying to prove ourselves to others instead of placing our trust in the Lord. This is a distraction that causes us to take our focus off of what God is calling us to and places it on something else. Jesus was also tempted with this when Satan questioned if he was the Son of God to prove it by turning stones into bread.

The second part of that lie says, Christians aren’t ever supposed to be depressed unless they are doing something wrong. Both of these statements are false. Sometimes Christians will get depressed, confused, and go through suffering without having done anything wrong. To tell someone they are never supposed to be depressed breeds shame that produces isolation. Isolation is produced because if this isn’t ever supposed to happen; people may not attempt to get the help needed to get through it for the shame and embarrassment that is going on. Instead of Christians telling other Christians that they should never be depressed; we should tell believers that they do not have to stay depressed. It should be shared that we all go through depressing circumstances, but we do not have to stay there. Deliverance belongs to the believer, and this is something that we can be sure of when depressing circumstance occur in our lives (Matthew 15:26).

The Lie that says we are not good enough.
This is the additional attack on our identity in which I believe happens before we go to the next level of promotion so we can relinquish what God has for us. Jesus went through this before his next level when led of Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil. Afterward he was ministered to and confirmed as God’s son on the mountain of transfiguration. Where a greater revealing of who he was was shown to some of his closest disciples. I believe that prior to the next level of revelation, God seals how we have seen ourselves on the last level to reveal greater parts of our identity on the next level to us and to others.

While going through the transition and suffering, it is vitally important to depend on God and what he shows us in his word. This will cause us to have a clear understanding of what is going on instead of believing the negative picture painted by our circumstance. (Learning to depend on God.)

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You Are Not Being Punished You are Being Promoted – Part II

Shows us what’s in our hearts:

All the commandments which I command thee this day shall ye observe to do, that ye may live, and multiply, and go in and possess the land which the Lord sware unto your fathers.
And thou shalt remember all the way which the Lord thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart, whether thou wouldest keep his commandments, or no. Deuteronomy 8:1-2 (KJV)

Just in case we were confused and did not know what was in our hearts, the Lord is going to show it to us during suffering. Remember that the Bible says in the book of Romans that the old testament is given to us believers to  teach us and to be our examples. These very things that happened in the old testament are figurative examples of various cycles and circumstance that we go through in our individual lives. In the above passage of scripture, God’s people were in transition going from one place to the next. However, before they went into the land, they were led of the Lord to be tested and tried in the wilderness, so that God’s people could know what was in their hearts, and remember to obey the Lord. God was teaching his people to remember to obey all of his commands and to depend on him. If they could do this during suffering; they could do it when they entered into the land where God was taking them. Many people think in suffering that they need the promise land, but what we need is to have our hearts corrected toward the Lord. This is the time for correction and confirmation. Correction for what we have been doing wrong, and confirmation for what we have been doing right. In this time, if there is anything that we need to surrender to God we should do it now. Also, God’s love is confirmed in this because God only corrects those whom he loves, and has adopted as sons (Hebrews 12:5-11).

Allows another Portion of Our Identity to be Revealed Confirming Who We Are to Ourselves and to Others:

When Jesus was led of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil. He was tested in his identity. Often the very thing that we are tested in is the very thing that God seeks to promote us in, and to reveal to us, and others just who we are, and what he has put inside of us.

Jesus’ identity never changed. He was the Son of God and the lamb that was slain before the foundation of the world, but the circumstances did not look that way because Jesus was weak and tired in the wilderness. Despite what things looked like or felt like; Jesus had to hold fast to what he knew. Right after the test, Jesus was strengthened by angels, and the next passage of scripture shows Jesus identity being confirmed on the mountain of transfiguration. On the mountain of transfiguration, Jesus stands with James and John next to Elijah and Moses. God, the Father says from heaven: “This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased.”

During those moments of testing when we are suffering for Christ, and people don’t understand why we stand the way that we do or take on the identity that we take on; Remember, that God will not leave us in that place of people questioning, jesting, or looking at us as if we are crazy. God will confirm who we are to us, and to other onlookers because one of the greatest results of suffering in Christ is for the purpose of God’s glory being revealed. We are Christ’s inheritance according to Ephesians 1. If God leaves us out there looking crazy, then he looks crazy also, and that isn’t what God is about. Continue to endure and wait for God to confirm and reveal you. We don’t even have to defend ourselves; we just have to speak the word as Jesus did, and keep on living.

Now if we are children, then we are heirs–heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. Romans 8:17
Provides discipline sharpening us and making us better.
This was covered briefly in part I where we discussed intimacy with God. Enduring temptation makes us whole, and complete. We lack nothing after enduring suffering. We are made stronger for it. Read James 1:1-4,
And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. Romans 5:3-5Provides an example for other Christians who will suffer.

If She Can Do It, I Can Do It. If She Can Get Through it; Than so Can I.
We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. 2 Corinthians 1:8 (NIV)I was shocked when I first read this in the Bible. I guess I had never noticed it before, but it sounds like either Paul and his people had it so bad that they thought they would die, or that they could have possibly considered suicide. There are times in our lives as believers where things get so bad where we are tempted to despair of all hope and even consider suicide, but Paul’s next statement should be taken as an indicator of why these moments happen, and what we should do.Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 2 Corinthians 1:9 (NIV)
Isn’t it nice to know that we aren’t alone. To know that the apostles in the Bible faced challenges that made them feel in a way similar to how we feel today. It is to say the least comforting. Prior to Paul describing how discomforted he felt; He expressed a very important benefit in him having gone through. He got through the suffering and discomfort from relying on Christ. Relying on Christ not only comforted Paul and the other apostles, but it comforted the whole Corinthian church that he was writing to. Finally, God still uses believers to work in the same way today. When we go through and overcome through Christ; it provides an example to others that they too can do the same. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 2 Corinthians 1:5
“The above scripture points to why looking to Christ in suffering is so important. He is our only comfort and hope.”

If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 2 Corinthians 1:6
Have u ever been through a situation that was so bad you thought you would die? Don’t despair of all hope; instead get your comfort by looking to Christ, and fellow-shipping with Christ. You are being made better in the process, and God is using your example for someone else who is going through. You are not alone!

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You Are Not Being Punished You Are Being Promoted: Part I

Have you ever been in a situation where it felt as though the ground was completely taken from underneath you? Yet, you still somehow we’re expected to walk. That is how most of us feel in the midst of suffering.  The Bible describes it like this:Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy. 1 Peter 4:12-13The Bible mentions joy on more than one occasion as it relates to suffering. How can we joy in suffering? One way is to realize some of the benefits that come from suffering and also to realize that God doesn’t allow it to punish us or destroy us, but to promote us and to strengthen us to be able to handle what he has for us.During suffering, it is of the utmost importance that we remember who we are. This means that we have to get a clear perspective no matter what things look like.
 
During suffering, Satan’s main goal is to cause us to focus on everything, but who we are in Christ.
It is often assumed that those who suffer in Christ have done something wrong, but in Ephesians, Paul writes specifically to a faithful church, and he makes a great point saying that he prays that believers would get a revelation having their hearts enlightened to the hope that God has called us to. In suffering, we are never to lose our hope. We are to keep a clear perspective by keeping our perspective rooted in Christ and his word.

Peter says that we all will suffer for something. Yet, it is better to suffer for doing what is right than what is wrong. It even goes on to say that if we are suffering for doing what is right, we are blessed, and that we should continue to do what is right. It is the person who continues choosing not to faint in well doing that reaps the reward when the due time comes.

There are two out of five benefits I’d like to point out  to participating in suffering in Christ in this first part of this series:

Identifying with Christ, Our Example:
Hebrews 12 reminds us when we are suffering to fix our eyes on Jesus Christ who is the author and finisher of our faith. He experienced everything we did, but he went through it willingly giving up his will for his father God’s will. We are to do the same. When we suffer for Christ we have a greater appreciation for what Christ went through for us. We recount that it did not feel good to Jesus in the moment. In fact, it felt so bad that Christ asked for the cup of suffering to pass from him, but in the end, he relented to the father’s will. This reminds us that it is okay to feel bad, faint, or discouraged in suffering, but it is not okay to remain there to the point of being stuck. We have to grow through it. Yes, it is making us stronger, and producing endurance in us when we grow through it instead of allowing it to disable us. In the end, God’s mission will be accomplished in us, and we will have great joy.

Invitation into intimacy with God:
This is probably one of my favorite parts of suffering in Christ. This is when we begin to know God in a new and more intimate way. It is almost like an invitation. In this place, we begin to see God move in ways, we had not before, such as sustaining us with a broken spirit, truly being near to us in the time of trouble. This is where God’s word becomes more than his word to us. It becomes how we know God. Think about Job and the conversations and revelations that he got of God concerning things that happened before mankind even existed. All of this from being in such a place of intimacy and dependence on God.
I want to know Christ–yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death. – Philippians 3:10 (NIV)Apostle Paul knew the value in suffering with Christ. This is where Christ’s power in our lives is most individually displayed. In this stage, God often calls us to reset our focus on him calling us to totally depend on him. This is often a place where through the intimacy with God and him revealing himself in new ways, that we grow our trust in the Lord. Do you remember when God did this with his people while bringing them out of Egypt. They had to depend on God for the very food that they ate to the shoes on their feet, but God displayed that he was able to take care of them being all that they needed. Suffering with Christ, as we see on the second part of the scripture, kills the wrong things in us, such as pride, deception, self-will, and such. It produces godly character. In suffering in Christ; we die to our sinful nature, and become more sensitive to the nature and character of God. This should cause us to renew our minds with God’s word.

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Conversations with the Old School: Racism & Self-Hate Pt. 1

I have a friend who is in his late 80s. He is an African-American man. He is old enough to have grown up through the Jim Crow laws and the “separate, but equal days.” He made a statement regarding my best friend and I. My best friend is light-skinned and I am darker skinned. He compared the two stating that one was better than the other.

He shared how he used to feel bad about his complexion. He is brown skinned. He asked the question if we could be White, my friend and I, would we. We both told him no. We felt bad for him because he had been indoctrinated with the ideal that he was less than because of the texture of his hair, skin color, and size of his lips and nose.

I shared how I loved my skin, and how at one point in my life as a child I wanted to be darker. It was when I was really young. I remembered watching a Ms. Universe pageant where they had a really beautiful girl who was very dark-skinned much darker than me. She was so beautiful to me that I wanted to look like her.

At that point, I shared how the self-hate that my friend had adopted is a learned behavior to compare one color to the next and put one or the other down. That isn’t the way it is unless we believe it. When we believe it we add power to it. He sort of paused at that and took it in.

It was fascinating to him the unity that I and my best friend had before him. This is a common strand of self hate and inferiority that has been through out African American culture for decades and sadly still causes shame and hurt among many who are ignorant of their own worth as well as the worth of their brothers and sisters.

It is a person who is amazingly insecure who can ascribe her own worth off of being light skinned and a person who is insecure who can ascribe her lack of worth off of being dark skinned alone. Surely we have more to offer as a people besides our skin tone which is beautiful I must say. The dark, the light, the brown, and all of the in betweens.

I am a little partial as I should be in the vein of loving myself toward my color of skin seeing how dark is the skin that I am in. I love my skin. I love how it changes colors in different light. It looks amazing to me, but I also can appreciate the beauty in all colors. I love the richness of the darkest darks, and the beautiful tents of lighter also. We as a people are a rainbow of beauty who’s culture is emulated by many.

What do you love about our culture?

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Our Way Our Results God’s Way God’s Results

There is a type of love that goes far beyond what we may be used to. This type of love simply loves for no reason.  I came across a prayer in the journal that I keep to pray for my husband and various love interests. In the journal, I had prayed that my husband and I’s hearts would be knit together like Jonathan and David’s.
And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. 1 Samuel 18:1 (KJV)
I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women. 2 Samuel 1:26 (NIV)This love was a God ordained love. It met the specific need for the specific time and season David was in for his life. It was a godly soul-tie or union between two individuals.

David was in a new place that was unfamiliar.  He had been living in the King’s house as one of his sons.   However the King quickly became an enemy becoming jealous of David and seeking to kill him. I am quite sure that made David uncomfortable, but David had gained a brother and friendly companion in Jonathan. The friendship of Jonathan assisted in saving David’s life. Without that God ordained soul-tie. David may have died early never experiencing his full potential.

This type of love and connection comes only from God. I believe that the only reason why David and Jonathan’s love was more wonderful than that of the love of women is because God put them together. Other than God putting them together, what explanation could be given for two brothers immediately having a connection as though they were raised in the same house? There was no reason to justify such loyalty out of the blue.

If God could provide what David needed in the form of a non-romantic friendly relationship; how much more could God do the same for those who desire a romantic relationship? Often when we seek out a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, it isn’t because God has orchestrated it.

The romantic relationship is often the one that we leave God out of as if we don’t trust him with this part of us. It’s as if we think that God could not meet the need properly in this area. However, when we give up our way, to trust in God; we will find that what God provides is far better than what we are used to or even expected.

Let’s take note what God appointed relationships look like again through Jonathan and David’s friendship. God’s love comes at just the right time when we need it most. God’s love loves us for no reason at all or just because. Meaning, we don’t have to work for it. It is loyal, dedicated, and committed even beyond what may appear normal. For example, Jonathan loved David so that, it appeared as though he betrayed his father for helping David. He was loyal beyond what appeared normal.

God’s love is a healthy soul tie or bond that will bring encouragement and joy instead of pain, grief, and heartache. We all have had that friend like Jonathan and David that showed up at just the right time like a brother or a sister. If God can provide for us in the area of godly friendships than; Let’s trust God to also provide for us godly spouses.

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Why You Should Go See Ben Hur!

If you are like me, maybe you remember your parents watching Charleton Heston in the original depiction of Ben Hur, and perhaps you did not understand what it was. I remember during the 80s watching Ben Hur with the parents not having any idea. It was written off in my mind as just another Jesus film. That’s what we called the religious pictures that depicted the life of Jesus. Of course, now that I am older, I realize that Ben Hur is so much more.

The newest release of Ben Hur came out in theaters on Friday, August 19th. The film is an adaptation of a book written by a man named Lewis Wallace. Sources state that Wallace began to study about Christ with an indifferent attitude toward the understanding of Christ’s divinity. In an attempt to disprove Christ, Wallace studied about him, and became more and more convinced that Christ was and is who he says he is.

He was stirred to write the story Ben Hur. Ben Hur was later produced into a major motion picture starring Charlton Heston in 1959. Today, the movie makes a comeback with a very powerful message that tells the story of two brothers. One of the brothers is a Jew, and the other a Roman soldier. Both brothers struggle to a degree to find their places in the Roman empire. One of the brothers is falsely accused and taken to be a slave. He wonders what has become of his wife, sister, and mother that were left behind.

Without giving the whole movie away. The movie covers themes in the Christian life such as suffering even while having done nothing wrong, the power of forgiveness and reconciliation. The movie is set during the time of Christ. Thus, pictures of the suffering of Christ are shown in the film paralleling just how needful the work of Christ is in our own personal walks with the Lord. There is even a love story interwoven between the film. The film offers so much that it is too much to tell. It would be better to just watch the film. When this film comes out on video, I will definitely be purchasing it. It is not your average religious film. You will have to just see it for yourself!

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Don’t Allow Anyone to Cause you to Lessen the Way that You See Yourself:

Don’t allow anyone to cause you to lessen the way that you see yourself bringing you down to an image that you are not:
It is God’s will that we will have a healthy self esteem about ourselves. We are made in God’s image and likeness (Genesis 1:27) . Therefore we learn from God how to view ourselves.

Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world (We take our cues for our self-esteem and image from the Lord). 1 John 4:17
God does not reward nor allow a lowered image of himself. All throughout scripture. God warns his people not to worship other gods or to bring him down to an image that is not who he is. In Isaiah, the Lord reminds his people who he is. “I am the Lord your God, the first and last, and besides me there is no god. (Isaiah 44:6)” God is bold in proclaiming who he is, and he settles for nothing less than being respected, feared, and reverenced for who he is.

How much more should we take on a similar attitude not allowing how we see ourselves to be bought down or lessened in any way from who we are in Christ. In this world as believers, we are often provided with opportunities to step down into a lower image than who we are. For example: I am a housing counselor at my job which requires me to be in private areas such as offices, or conferences rooms with clients collecting, disseminating, and discussing private information regarding housing matters, budgets of clients, and such.

In some cases where my client has been a male; there have been inappropriate invitations for me to reduce myself to something lower then who I am. In those cases, I’ve had to be very clear in maintaining how I am to be perceived by the client as a professional contact only and nothing more.

In rare cases, when a client is overtly inappropriate, the client can be re-assigned to other counselors, or provided with  a dismissal letter to no longer work with the client. Why? Because a standard of who I am as a housing counselor toward the client must be upheld in order for us to peacefully work together. If appropriate boundary lines are crossed; there must be an adjustment in how we deal with those people.

It is the same way in our personal lives. When we come across someone who absolutely refuses to respect us for who we are, and who seeks to bring us down to an image other than who we are, we need to first have a conversation with them if possible. When a conversation does not work, and their behavior toward us is still inappropriate, we have no choice, but to cut them loose.

The individual then misses out on who we really are. In the above example the client has to then go somewhere else to get the service he really needs. In the same manner, those who treat us inappropriately taking us for granted and looking at us in a manner lower than who we are miss out on what we could have provided to them had they respected us. We should do ourselves a favor, and allow them to miss out on us. They should have made another choice to respect us and to honor us for who we really were. Sidenote: This is not an excuse for unforgiveness. We should always forgive, but that does not mean that we have to still entertain someone.

The above is an obvious example. There are some less obvious examples that single women tend to put up with for not knowing who they are or having unresolved issues. I believe God cares about our unresolved issues and questions of our own worth and he addresses them with his word.

Not so obvious examples:

When a man seeks to pursue, but doesn’t give any time to the woman he is pursuing
This is a lowered image. He is communicating to the woman that she isn’t that important to him. Definitely not important enough for him to re structure his schedule and make time for what he says he values. That woman is his convenient relationship and not his priority. This is a lesser image. The man misses out on all that she has to offer due to treating her in that way.

The man who isn’t that busy and just plays games with a woman’s heart leading her on but offering no commitment nor communicating clearly his intentions: The enemy will use this to make us feel like we aren’t worth it especially if the man doing this is a true believer. It’s easy to question our worth at this point. It doesn’t matter if they are a believer or not, we don’t have to put up with it. If after we have talked and sought to resolve it, the person is consistent with their devalued treatment of us, it is okay not to reward them with our presence. This keeps us in a clear frame of mind of who we are, and what we are worth.

Our image of ourselves should always line up with who God says we are, not how people treat us or the image that they invite us into to lower ourselves. When men sought to lower God down to an image of wood, or things made with hands; God did not respond to those things nor reward those people with his presence. Instead God judged those acts so that it would be clear that that particular behavior toward God is completely unacceptable. God doesn’t answer to a lowered image of himself, and neither should we God’s precious children made in his image.

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