Blog

Growing Our Intimacy With God through Fasting & Prayer – Pt. IV (Need to Seek the Lord)

In his pride the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God. Psalms 10:4
Not Seeking the Lord is a sign of pride and that we have forgotten him
We all can be prone to forgetting the Lord because of the human nature to forget God while things are going well. God talks about how he chose Israel as a child when she was abandoned in her blood. He took care of her, and when she got old enough, he married her making her a queen and dressing her in the finest garments. She began to take it for granted and to lose all of the fear, thankfulness, and reverence that she had for the Lord in the beginning (Ezekiel 16:6-32.)

This is also figurative of the church. We can easily lose our zeal, fear, adoration, and will toward the Lord when we fail to guard our closeness with God through fasting and prayer. Fasting and prayer helps to prepare our hearts in position toward the Lord our God.

In closing, if we want our hearts to be after God, we have to be intentional about placing our value on God. The below scripture tell us what not to place so much value on because God has already taken care of it.
And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it.For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them.  But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. Luke 12:29-31
Finally, verse 34 in the same passage says, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” In other words, what you treasure or place value on is where your heart will be. Where your heart is will eventually show up in your actions.

This is why the Word of God says, “A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him (Matthew 12:35.) What is in our hearts is so important, and coming to God allows for our heart’s desires to be changed to that which pleases God.

Let’s be like Esther and place value on drawing closer to our king through humility, reverence, fasting, and prayer.

Check out the videos below that recaps this whole mini-series as well as provides additional information on ways to go about seeking the Lord.

0

Growing Our Intimacy With God Through Fasting and Prayer – Part III (In Faith)

Seeking the Lord with boldness requires faith and a knowing of how God feels about us:
We have been discussing Queen Esther and her relationship with King Ahaseraus when Esther approached him concerning her people. She took a risk in pursuing or approaching the king, but found favor because she was in covenant with the King as his favored and adored wife. He wanted to be with her as much or more than she wanted to be with him, and he was delighted that she had approached him.

When she entered his courts, the golden scepter was extended welcoming her in. He asked her what he could do for her stating that what she wanted he would do up to half of the kingdom. He was clear on how he felt about her, and his love for her specifically to her and all on lookers.

Similarly, God feels the same about us. God is in covenant with us. We are God’s bride through Christ. Biblically speaking, we the church, are considered the bride of Christ. God longs to be with us and for us to seek him. Finally, God also offers to share his kingdom with us just as King Ahasuerus did with Esther.And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:6

Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Luke 12:32​Thus, coming to God through fasting and prayer requires us to somewhat know our worth to God, and to like Esther step out on faith. Even though Ahasuerus was the king and had the power to show favor or wrath to Esther, he wanted to reassure her and remind her that she was his choice. Thus, he asked queen Esther a second time during the second banquet what her request was and he would do it up to half of his kingdom.

Just like King Ahasuerus desired his wife to boldly approach him in saying what concerned her; God wants us to do the same.

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16​

Just like King Ahasuerus chose Esther as his wife, and desired to reassure her, God also has chosen us.You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you 

so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. John 15:16

0

Growing Our Intimacy With God Through Fasting & Prayer – Part II (Some Fruit of Fasting)

Last week, we began looking at kings in general for similiarities to God’s character and how to approach God. We have been studying in particularly the story of Esther and King Ahasarus, and we left off discussion how kings are expected to rule in righteousness. Below are a few scriptures to support. Next, we discuss some fruits of fasting and prayer, which is a way to reverence our approach to God eliminating distractions from our life.

Ruling in Righteousness

Below are some scriptures regarding the expectation for kings to rule in righteousness

  • Worship the Lord with reverence and rejoice with trembling. – Psalms 2:11
  • Loyalty and truth preserve the king , and he upholds his throne by righteousness. – Proverbs 20:28
  • It is abomination for kings to commit wicked acts; for a throne is established in righteousness. – Proverbs 16:12

Because of the expectation of righteousness that we have toward God and that we should be able to have toward kings or authority; we should be able to fear with a trust  that  both God and the kingdom or authority that we are under is for us. Thus, in the story of King Ahasuerus and Esther, we see Esther preparing herself to go before the king. Like Esther prepared herself to go before the king through the humility of fasting and prayer; we ought also to prepare ourselves to go before God.

Fasting is a way to humble ourselves

Esther chose to consecrate herself to the Lord through fasting and prayer before approaching the king. She also asked her people to do the same. Esther knew that she could not approach the king just any kind of a way. It had to be done in reverence. Therefore, she humbled herself. Fasting is a willing way for us to humble ourselves. We willingly make ourselves weak through fasting, and find our strength through intentionally leaning on, and seeking the presence of our King, Our God.

When I fast and pray, I look forward to God’s presence because it literally gives me strength. God’s presence is needed. God himself is needed. Fasting gives proper perspective to our need for God.

Fasting produces clarity

There is a chapter of scripture in Isaiah 58 that deals with fasting. It talks about the purpose in the type of a fast that God calls to humble ourselves, and such. One of the things that the scripture mentions that will happen is that clarity will come.

Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
    and your healing will quickly appear; Isaiah 58:8

Light breaking forth is significant of clarity. At first Esther did not know what she was going to do when approached by her Uncle Mordecai to intercede for the Jewish people who’s lives were being threatened. In the beginning, she seemed a bit resolved about whether she could or even should do something about the situation until Mordecai told her if she did not do something, God would raise up deliverance from elsewhere. It was after she fasted she gained clarity on what to do. Now, she had a full plan in place. Her plan was to approach the king, and invite him to a banquet. She was careful in how she bought the very serious matter of her people to the king. She did not just spring it on him.

0

Why Do the Rebellious Get Blessed While The Faithful Suffer? – Prodigal Part 2

Last week, I covered from a Biblical perspective the human nature in how we question ourselves, and question God for blessing someone who was rebellious right away after they turn from their rebellion, and allowing the other son to continue to suffer.

You will need to go back and read part one of this to understand what I believe is God’s heart on this matter. I want to cover bitterness, and competition in this portion. One of my mentors shared with me her testimony through which she was placed in a lot of bad situations through bad choices and simply not knowing any better.

When she got older and saved, she also shared how God began to deal with her about her husband. Long story short; she ended up engaged and married. Some of the sisters that she was waiting with got very angry with her because of bitterness and competition. She told me about one woman in particular who called her accusing God saying, “I don’t see how I’ve been waiting so long and I don’t have a husband, and God blesses you not long after you decide to live for him. I hate you.”

Clearly, the above woman fell into the trap of competition. Competition is the natural fleshly reaction when a situation arises similar to that of the prodigal son. When the thought of competition goes unchecked by God’s word; the competition takes us off of track of what we are supposed to be doing and what we are supposed to focus on. Competition leads to frustration, anger, and bitterness because God never made us to be like anyone else. He made us to be ourselves.
“For we are not bold to number or compare ourselves with some of those who commend themselves. But they themselves, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves with themselves, are without understanding.” 2 Corinthians 10:12
Again, the above scripture points to the person who compares themselves with others is lacking of a particular understanding. The lack of this understanding is what keeps that person in bondage.

What are some things that need to be understood to avoid giving in to competition:

  • It is not wise.
  • It leads to bondage.
  • It takes away from our unique identity, which diminishes who we are as a person. This is not God’s will.
  • We want to fulfill God’s will for our own lives; and not mimic the life of another due to feeling rejected like the faithful son.
  • It Prevents us from being thankful for what we already have.

We need to get an understanding, and that understanding should be God’s understanding on the matter.
“Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.” Proverbs 4:7
The bitterness that is produced will keep us from being in a position to receive what God does have for us. Remember that I said in part one that God told the faithful son that whatever he had also belonged to the faithful son. We will not be able to see that what we are believing God for is already ours when we allow bitterness, anger, and frustration to be our guide.

0

Why Do the Rebellious Get Blessed While The Faithful Suffer? – Prodigal Part 1

Have you ever been in a scenario where you have noticed once, twice, three times or more that an individual who was wildin doing whatever she wanted got blessed the moment she decided to get serious with God. While on the other hand, those that have been faithful continue to suffer.

I know I am not the only one who has asked this question before. I believe that many have asked this question, and allowed things to come into their hearts that should not have. Things like bitterness, competition, stagnation, and simply giving up, but this is not God’s will for his people.  I am going to correlate this question to singles as I attempt to answer it from the word of God primarily using the story of the prodigal son.

I had not thought on this question however in some time. I do remember asking God about this in a previous season of my life, but I feel that I had too much going on in my life and heart to hear God clearly on the matter at that time. Recently, I was in the restroom getting ready for work, and the thought below came to my mind regarding the topic:
“It’s already Yours. You just have to change your thinking.”
Immediately, I was reminded of the prodigal son, and my mind went to the father and his son sitting down outside of the party for the prodigal brother, who had just come home. I picture the faithful brother of the prodigal determined not to go into the party to celebrate his brother as he sits outside alone and angry. Upset at the ideal that his father, who is God in the story, is being unjust and unfair to throw a party and celebrate his rebellious brother blessing him. While the faithful brother continues to go through and suffer or so that is what the faithful brother thought.

Competition was the faithful brother’s first reaction when he said:
 “‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’.” Luke 15:29-30 (NIV)
His father’s response. “All that I have is already yours.” The faithful son just needed to be reminded that what he thought he was missing out on by being faithful to his father was already his. He simply needed his father to change his thinking. He had access to all of the fattened cows and everything that belonged to his father. However, him taking his eyes off of his father and the business of his father’s house and placing them on his brother caused him to loathe what he had as if he was missing out on something. That attitude of loathing what we have in Christ for feeling as though we are missing out on something can easily cause us to miss out. Why? Because it is all a mindset, and our mindset affects our faith which in turn affects what we can receive as believers.

When the faithful son was at rest maintaining his position in his father’s house without the distraction of his brother’s rebellion; he was fine, but when he took his eyes off of his assignment in his father’s house, he became discouraged. He allowed rejection to enter in, and saw himself as diminished in his father’s eyes, and beneath his celebrated brother when that was not the case.

How many of us singles have felt this way? We have obeyed God all we know how to the point of much suffering to have to seemingly continue to suffer while our brother who was so rebellious immediately gets blessed shortly after his change of heart.

How many of us have felt rejected by God in this as if our obedience has been in vain? Or how many of us have felt as though God was holding out on us while blessing the disobedient.

Two things the father said in the scenario to console the faithful son and change his thinking:

The father said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. Luke 15:31 (AMP)

In other words, what the son was complaining about regarding receiving a cow or goat to celebrate was already his, and everything else that belonged to his father. He just needed to shift his perspective.

The other thing that the father said was that it was necessary to celebrate the other son (Luke 15:32). (Jubilee Bible 2000)

And it was necessary. Why? Because the prodigal son’s experience produced an identity crisis which could only lead him to more poor choices if he was not quickly reminded of just who he was. Too many poor choices would have ultimately destroyed him, and this is not God’s will. Hence, God’s urgency in presenting a different perspective to correct his son’s flawed image of himself.
“Quick, bring out the best robe and put it on him; and give him a ring for his hand, and sandals for his feet (Luke 15:22).” (NIV)The above situation did not only produce an identity crisis in the prodigal son, but also in the faithful son. It was the humanity of the faithful son to question his identity, worth, and love from the father after all of his faithfulness. This I believe is a natural question that will come up, and it is okay for the question to come up as long as we get God’s perspective on the matter.

The way that we get God’s perspective on the matter is to go to God. The prodigal son humbled himself and went to God to get his perspective of himself, and God went and left the party to meet his faithful son to share his heart with him. As long as we get to God, and are humble enough to hear him, we will not be moved because of these types of scenarios.

God showed himself as a compassionate father to both sons dealing with them according to their specific needs. Not according to partiality toward one or the other, but according to the unique needs that each of his sons had. Because God loves all of his sons and daughters.  He loves those who obey and those who need to fall harder to begin to obey later.

It is Satan’s objective to convince both the faithful son and the unfaithful son out of his inheritance. The faithful by believing God is unjust and his obedience has been in vain, and the unfaithful simply through impatience, carnality, and rebellion. Many of God’s people fall into this trap, but we need to begin to recognize it as just that a trap.

What God has promised us is already ours. In God’s mind, it already belongs to us. God is at total rest and peace concerning what he has promised us. It is us who become discouraged and allow things to come in and distract us. If we hold on, at the appointed time, we will see the fruit of our obedience and steadfastness.

I will also add that both sons in this story are both necessary so that God can get his full glory as not only a sustainer of those who obey him, but also a redeemer of those who disobey him. Both testimonies are necessary to point back to God and his redeeming power, so that all will know that they have a place in Christ if they humble themselves in coming to him. Let’s not get distracted by how someone gets to the revelation of their need for God, but let’s be thankful that they got there.

Be sure to read part two next week as I talk about competition, anger, and bitterness regarding this topic.

0

5 Habits of the Maturing:

As believers, we are to be maturing which means we aren’t to stay in the same place, but to grow instead. Everyone may not be at the same level of maturity, but we are all maturing in some aspects. Below are some signs to notice when you may be maturing.

Mature people do not fight every battle
People are often easily jealous of mature individuals because of their maturity. Some insecure individuals see the promotion that comes with walking in maturity or godly wisdom without seeing the trials and tests that propelled the mature individual to maturity. Immediately the insecure individuals may compare themselves to the mature individual, and not feeling as though she measures up; she immediately looks for the worse in the mature person to put him down.

A mature believer will not fight this battle with an insecure person, but instead secretly pray that the insecure person would get a revelation of who she is in Christ. In doing so, the mature individual maintains honor.

A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense. Proverbs 19:11 (NIV)

Mature people make hard choices when they know it is right even when they are afraid
Mature people will not allow fear to stop them. There may be something that is required to be done such as to confront a person in a biblical manner for the purpose of forgiveness or clarity. Even though these things are uncomfortable, a mature person will do what is necessary because he understands the benefit of doing what is right even when it is hard or uncomfortable. The mature person will value the result which will be clarity and forgiveness which allows for wholeness and soundness of mind rather than crouching in fear. Overcoming uncomfortable situations such as unforgiveness and fear allows us to operate at our best, and that is God’s will for us. Confrontation can be scary, but necessary. The mature will know when it is necessary.

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:23-24 (NIV)

Mature People Practice Discipline. They don’t always do what they want to do.
Mature people practice discipline meaning they know how to delay what they want right now; for a more appropriate time. They don’t overdue it. They don’t watch too much television, or spend too much time on social media. Instead, they remain focused to the task at hand, and once completed; they are rewarded because of their diligence. They don’t just think about today, but they also consider tomorrow.

Diligent hands will rule, but laziness ends in forced labor.  Proverbs 12:24 (NIV)

Mature people are humble enough to understand that they don’t know everything
They learn at every chance and every opportunity that they get. They are not offended from learning from someone who is younger than them they will learn from anyone or any situation where they can draw something from. They understand the value of growth the value of learning the value of getting better. Mature people understand the value of other people. They understand that they cannot do things alone, and that they need others for help. They are willing to do what is necessary to be in right and healthy relationship with others.

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem the other better than himself. Philippians 2:3 (KJV)

Mature people acknowledge the Lord in all of their ways
It’s a habit to mention to the Lord plans, thoughts, interests, and ideas. Doing so, is what makes our plans so successful. Either God will allow us to see that our ideal isn’t what he has in mind for us, or he will began to give us wisdom to walk out our plans and ideas in a manner that pleases him.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

0

Why I Pay People No Mind When They Say I Am Too Picky:

Reason number one
To be too picky would mean that I have had ample choices of potential mates that are reputable to what I want and what God has promised me. This has not been the case, and when that has not been the case, the only reasonable thing to do would be to wait until God brings that person along.

Reason number two
I know what it is  that I want and what it is that I need. Why? Because as a single individual, God has allowed me to go through specific seasons, things, and circumstances that has shaped me and developed me into a more sure woman knowing just what I want, and still yet submitting the ideal of what I want to God’s perfect will.

Many wise people share that in a relationship, we don’t necessarily get what we want, but we get who we are. I believe this is true. As a person who has sown personal development, discipline, and many other things in my season of singleness, I can expect to have someone who has done the same to some extent. The man that I choose will have consistent fruit of the same in his life. I am not trying to downgrade in a marriage partner, but find someone similarly minded who is willing to build together.

Reason number three
As a woman who knows who I am. I am fully aware that as a woman, I am the weaker vessel meaning I am in a weaker position to initiate and sustain a relationship. This because God has designed the structure of the male and female relationship that the woman would be in submission to the man. Thus, I need to choose wisely as a woman of God who knows my identity.

I cannot choose a man who does not know his identity in Christ, or even a man who knows his identity in Christ and refuses to walk in it. I’d be putting myself at risk to not be myself, to have to change or lower who I am. When God bought Adam to Eve, it was not so that she could lower who she was, but that she could help him, and walk with him in submission to his authority as the final say in Christ. Note, I said in Christ only. Ephesians – Submit to one another in the fear of the Lord. A brother has got to be fearing Christ for real and walking out submission to Christ in every area of his life especially the ones that will affect me and his family to come. Anything else being offered this chick right here ain’t going.

Reason number four
Oh, you are scared for me that my standards are too high, and that I will be single until forty. Well, that is too bad because I ain’t scared. I believe that if God had the wherewithal to give me boundaries to protect, preserve me, and teach me what to expect as a woman of God, and daughter of the king, then he can fully provide for me a man that has been made by him. I ain’t scared. You are on your own with your fear.

Reason number five
There has to be some type of a physical attraction. If I see a man as my brother, and that has been the case for several years, then that is not going to change. Normally, when an attraction is grown between a man and a woman that did not exist before, it naturally develops over a period of time. If physical attraction does not naturally develop; I will not force it. I deserve more. One night I could not sleep, and I was up reading blogs on my cell phone. I came across a thread of a married woman asking the question if she should divorce her husband because she was not physically attracted to him. She said she married him because he was nice, and her family liked him, but she never felt an attraction. She was now a few years in, and dreading having sex with her husband. She did it out of duty only.

A problem with many people who say that others are too picky is that they are willing to settle, and they love to cast a negative vibe to those who refuse to settle. All this settling for what we don’t need or want, and lack of clarity on what we do want is what produces a lot of relationships based solely on availability, and not on purpose and intentionality. Hence, many divorces inside and outside of the church. It’s okay to be willing to wait for God’s best. Anyone, who knows God to some respect knows that faith gets God’s attention. Who will stand up in faith and be willing to wait for God’s promise instead of settling for what is before us on today.

Be bold in waiting on the Lord. He who has promised is faithful. He will bring his promise to pass. Amen.

0

Why We Should Have an Expectation When God Says No Pt. 2

What am I saying? I am saying that God will use a no which is a disappointment to cause us to stay on course, but he doesn’t want us to stop at the no. He wants us to submit to his no, and then expect his yes. What has God said? What has God promised you? This is what we should expect after God’s no. God promised men that they would rule the earth. After the tower of babel incident, we hear stories of men becoming mighty hunters, kings, and all types of things ruling on the earth.

The same night that David accepted God’s no in not allowing the baby that was conceived in adultery to live; Bathsheba conceived again a little boy named Solomon. Solomon was a son of promise. Nathan, the prophet had already prophesied regarding Solomon being born to reign on the throne of David and build the house of the Lord. Solomon was God’s yes to David. In the birth of Solomon, yet another desire of David’s heart was fulfilled, and that was the desire to have a temple built for the Lord.

When we get into agreement with God’s no, and accept it as his will worshiping him in obedience, and submission to his will, we can have an expectation that God will move. When God does move, he will move on the thing that he has purposed a yes in according to his will.

The Bible says in Revelation 3:8 – He is the one who holds the key of David, (This, I believe, means a heart after God. That is the key of David. Someone who is willing to get into submission to God’s will even when God’s will requires us to give something up that we feel we truly need.  That’s called sacrifice. It sounds hard, but sometimes, we have to be willing to sacrifice. When we sacrifice for God’s purpose, we have to trust God to provide what it is we truly need. Just like when Abraham was to sacrifice his son Issac. God provided for Abraham another sacrifice because of his obedience. The scripture goes on to say that God will open doors no man can shut, and close doors that no man can open.
This means that God has some yes’ for us, and he has some no’s for us. We have to be willing to accept them. He promises us his best. So, yes! We can have an expectation from the Lord even in the face of no. Some of us have been so knocked down, and disappointed that we have almost lost our expectation,  joy, and hope. I read a scripture the other day that tells us to be joyful in hope. God expects us to have an expectation, a joyful expectation despite what we have been through. I pray that this word has built the faith of those reading to have a joyful expectation and continue to live the abundant life in Christ after God’s no.

Watch the video below:

0

Why We Should Have an Expectation When God Says No – Part I

Last week I briefly discussed II Samuel 12:13-24 where David was judged by God for sinning with Bathsheba. God said No to the birth of David’s first child with Bathsheba despite David fasting, praying, mourning, and protesting to God. Afterward David worshiped meaning to submit to God.
When God says no, we are to submit to God’s will getting in agreement with God which is worship. I thought about it some more on this morning about how the Bible views agreement between believers. How much more when we get in agreement with God? When the people in Genesis began to build the tower of Babel, which was a tower up to heaven, God strategically separated them by giving them different languages to speak (Genesis 11:7).

This, he did saying; “They will be able to accomplish anything.” This describes the power of unity or agreement. The people building the tower of Babel would have built it all the way up to heaven and we would not have lived down here completing what God had given us to do. The Bible says when two or more come in agreement asking anything in his name, it will be done unto them (Matthew 18:19). How much more when we get into agreement with God?

Finally, a husband and wife are required to dwell in unity submitting to one another in the fear of the Lord. When this is not done between the couple, the Bible says that their prayers will be hindered (1 Peter 3:7). Once again, how much more when we get into agreement with God?

I have experienced quite a few of God’s knows at this point in my life. At first, when I experienced a no, I’d be disappointed and discouraged. I would take God’s no as a rejection, but now I see that God’s no’s actually protects my purpose that is hid in God’s will for my life.

When I first graduated from college, I applied for various media jobs, but thank God I did not get any of those jobs because they don’t pay enough to live off of, and they require a lot of time outside of normal work hours. I would have been so distracted trying to make a living; I would have never done the blog, book, or anything else. God clearly knew what he was doing. The job that God did give me allows me the time that I need outside of work to write, study, and enjoy my life. This is God’s purpose for me right now.

God has said no concerning men I have been interested in, and later I said thank God that he did not give me the guy that I wanted. Once again, my purpose with the wrong guy would have been gravely affected. Just like the men in Genesis building the tower of babel. Men were not made to live in heaven, we were made to live here on earth, and subdue the earth. That was our purpose given to us by God in the beginning. Is there a time when we will go to heaven? Yes, when we die or when Jesus comes back, but there is an appointed time for that. Trusting God’s no’s also means trusting his appointed times where he has said yes.

0

Why an Unwillingness to Communicate May be Preventing Intimacy in Your Relationships:

Communication is such a huge issue. Without it; there is no way for humans to have relationships. This is why it is so important to continue communication through times of conflict. Conflict in relationships either draws us closer through careful and intentional communication or it drives a wedge between a couple creating a coldness. It all depends on how we handle conflict.

There are some who use the silent treatment in situations of disagreement; instead of taking advantage of the opportunity to talk it out. When we talk out our differences in relationships; it shows that we really care about the other person because we are willing to listen to him and consider his point of view. We then come to a resolution and are made stronger for it.

The silent treatment can be offensive during conflict because it infers manipulation. The silent treatment in this type of a situation also infers punishment toward the other person involved. It infers that the other person is only important when they are in line with what the angry party wants, and that their thoughts and points of view are not important.

This is not how Christ treats his bride nor how the church should respond to her head. Christ values our input by giving us free will; although he wants to persuade us to his will. He does so by love. The scripture says through love and kindness he has drawn us.

Just like our relationship with Christ carries a mutual respect, so must the relationship between a man and a woman. It cannot be one sided. Not only is mutual respect important in maintaining healthy communication, but humility also.

The silent treatment in conflict is a sure sign of pride. Operating out of pride and manipulation is a very selfish way to deal with conflict. However, the attitude of seeking to communicate and work things out is a team attitude that keeps the couple together as a unit. The other tears at the unit until it is completely torn apart.

The manipulative silent treatment is such a destructive pattern. It is a form of witchcraft that seeks to control another. We should not have to control our spouses into our way. Control is rooted in fear and insecurity. We should do things out of a root of love instead. Don’t get me wrong. It is okay to cool down and take a breath for a moment, but the silent treatment should not continue as a punishment.

If we choose to continue in the silent treatment, the coldness created in the relationship can cause the couple to begin to wonder what the other is thinking and even make assumptions that aren’t true due to the lack of communication. The awkwardness in the relationship gets stronger to the point where both the man and woman may give up on the relationship altogether without even knowing why.
Others, at this point focus more on the physical intimacy to attempt to draw the relationship closer ignoring the real issue which is the lack of communication. This is backwards. The physical intimacy experienced is only a reduced level of intimacy because intimacy does not start with the physical, but with connecting through communication.

It is through the commonalities found in communication that a greater passion between a couple is produced. This passion produces an emotional intimacy that will lead to the best and highest form of intimacy at the appropriate time after marriage. As believers, God promises us the best.
I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10
I don’t know about everyone else, but I don’t want any cheap intimacy. I want the best form of intimacy there is. In desiring, the best form of intimacy there is, I’ve made it my business to use the premarital stage of my life to practice building in every area expedient especially communication. Also, I am very disciplined in not depending on arousing the physical to create a false sense of intimacy to make up for a lack of communication.

Great communication between a couple proves that the two can get along and actually enjoy it and on top of great communication everything else is built in a relationship. Let’s begin to practice our communication skills now on our family and friends, and if we notice any unhealthy patterns, such as manipulation, let’s nip it in the bud now as singles in preparation of experiencing our best relationships.

0