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Bouncing Back From Brokenness Part I

Recently, I did an interview regarding accepting God’s no which feels like brokenness and confusion while we are experiencing it. Sometimes it is hard to get back to life as we’ve known it before the brokenness because we’ve learned to function from a different position. A position of lowliness, and often the wrong perspective because of our circumstance. I think about Job and all of the various emotions, questioning, and conversations he had during his ordeal.

If we maintain the wrong perspective, we could begin to function from a place lower than who we are, and certainly lower than what God intended. So, what do we do to restore that wholeness, that pep in our step, that ease of living in a way? 

​Below are some things that can help us bounce back from brokenness.

Intimacy with Jesus Check:
First things first. We want to make sure our intentionality in seeking the Lord is on ten. There can be a resistance in drawing near to the Lord after a hard time of brokenness because we sometimes feel that God could have prevented us from going through it, but he did not. We may question if he is really good. Despite, the questioning, we still need to pursue him, and as we do, he will change our perspective to showing us the reason he has allowed us to go through to make us stronger and strengthen our faith. This intimacy with God will condition us to be able to withstand all else that life has to offer.

For example, the woman who washed Jesus’ feet with her tears and dried them with her hair performed a very intimate act of worship in front of naysayers in a man named Simon’s house. She had become a spectacle to her community. Everyone knew her faults and what she had been through, but she was able to endure the negative energy from others almost blocking it out completely because of her intimacy with God.

Intimacy with God produces endurance. God uses the trials of life to temper us to be able to handle the many challenges that will come with living for his glory. Remember if God’s glory is to be revealed in us we have to be able to endure suffering for Christ. Intimacy with God has a way of healing us right in the midst of the suffering, and causing us to be able to endure until the end.

Make Sure You Have Forgiven others:
This forgiveness enables you to get on living your life. There was a woman in the Bible named Tamar, who had a terrible thing happen to her that was not her fault at all, but because of what happened to her she made the choice to live in her brother’s house for the rest of her life as a desolate woman. Meaning she isolated herself from the possibility of having something more, something different all because of what happened to her.

She had been raped by her half brother Amnon. Her brother Absalom protected her afterward allowing her to live with him. He avenged her rape with the murder of his half brother Amon. However, I don’t want to focus on Absalom, but Tamar. She had a choice to get on living her life. It was her who made the choice to live in isolation from the possibilities of experiencing anything better than what had already befallen her.

Negative experiences in our lives can sometimes cause us to see life through a negative lense where we avoid the possibilities of something better, something positive, and something new. It may even blind us to the good things around us that are happening. In a sense, Absalom, protecting his sister and allowing her to live with him was a positive thing that should have affirmed her worth, and ability to be loved, but she did not see it that way. She saw her life as a sentence of isolation.

Yes, there was a stigma for girls back then who were no longer virgins, but she was not a woman of the night. She was a daughter of the king. It is almost as if she had forgotten who she was and decided to live as though she did not know her worth.

As a daughter of the king, do you know how many men would have been happy to marry into her royal family? How many men good men, who could have loved Tamar were avoided through her choice to isolate herself?

The Bible says that she was beautiful. She was so beautiful, that unfortunately, her brother chose not to control himself. He looked at her so highly when he was in his lust, and despised her so adamantly after satisfying his lust.

Tamar, the beautiful virgin who at one point wore the veil of many colors signifying her virginity, and availability to be wifed as a virgin gave up that dream after her self-worth was taken from her through rape. However, her value did not change.

She was still the king’s daughter, and the king could have covered her in the event that a man would have taken her as his bride (See Deuteronomy 22:17). The point is Tamar, even after experiencing her hardship, had a choice to live, and she chose not to due to unforgiveness and the wrong perspectives that not dealing with the hurt, and pain caused produced in her life.

We have a choice. A choice to forgive, to deal with the pain ensued, get God’s perspective, and move on with our lives choosing to live in spite of what we’ve loss. When God decides to bring retribution, he always pays us back more than what we’ve lost. We have to trust God with our wounds and forgive.

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3 Lessons to Take Away From Fences Pt. 3: Celebrating and Honoring Our Fathers…

Celebrating and Honoring Our Fathers is Necessary:

After making up our minds to forgive our fathers of their shortcomings and deciding to honor them, it becomes easier to honor them when we look for the good in them. There was definitely good in Troy as there is good in most all men.
Troy tried to teach both his sons, Cory and Lyons the importance of hard work. He encouraged Cory to prioritize money based on needs versus wants first. He encouraged the importance of accepting the responsibility to take care of one’s family to Cory. He loved him in the best way that he knew how. He felt that he prepared him for the world in the best way that he knew how.

He encouraged his other son Lyons not to just focus on the passion of music, but to work also, so he would not have to borrow and beg while pursuing music. He was looked at as being harsh to Lyons for being reluctant to loan him money, but that is what fathers do. Fathers give hard lessons to attempt to make their sons men. These were all good qualities that Troy had. When we focus on our father’s good qualities like those of Troy, it makes it easier to celebrate and honor our fathers.

If for nothing else, we should honor them for the fact that they stayed in our lives to do what it is that they knew to do. In most cases, what many men have known to do is to provide. If nothing else, a man often always knows about that responsibility, and there are many men out there who do it well.
Instead of dishonoring our fathers, we should be sure to cherish them, talk with them, build relationship whenever possible even through times of hurtful forgiveness. Because like Troy, one day he isn’t going to be there, and we will wish we had of honored him while we had the chance. Our fathers our needed, and worthy of love and respect even through their imperfections.

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3 Lessons to Take Away From Fences Pt.2: Our Father’s Imperfections…

OUR FATHER’S IMPERFECTIONS DO NOT GIVE US LEISURE TO DISHONOR HIM:

So, Troy made some poor choices. He had an affair, and a child outside of his marriage. He held his son back from a possibly great opportunity. He was a bit stubborn not realizing that the world around him was changing, and he needed not be so closed minded.

Who doesn’t know a Black father like that to some degree. Those actions still do not qualify us as children to dishonor our fathers. The Bible is clear that we are to honor both our fathers and mothers so our days will be long on the earth (Exodus 20:12). Scripture does not tell us to honor our parents if they are perfect. It doesn’t say if your parents do no wrong honor them. It simply says to honor them.
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Honoring our parents is important as children because we are going to be the ones to see the majority of their mistakes due to the close proximity of living space. God knew this. He knew that seeing our parents especially our father’s faults would tempt us to look at him in a lesser or demeaning way, and God says not so.

It is God’s will that we are so whole in Christ that we began to learn through our relationships with our imperfect parents how to forgive and love Biblically like Christ. Christ sees our imperfections and still makes the choice to love us. Our homes our actually our first, and best training grounds to being true and successful believers. If we can get through our homes, we can get through anything. Seeing our parents imperfections and still deciding to love and forgive them not only ministers to our parents, but it in turn ministers to us.

On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:20-21


I am speaking from experience in dealing with my father who is a good man just imperfect like everyone else. When my brothers and I, choose to continue to honor him in the face of dishonor or faults and frailties exposed, we are actually making a positive impact on him while freeing ourselves from the bondage of un-forgiveness, anger, bitterness, and rage.

This has proved to bring conviction in my father’s heart encouraging him to change and reconsider some of his stubborn ways just like the scripture says above. We will bring coals over his head. I believe the metaphor, “to heap burning coals on his head”, means to temper a situation that could be out of control. Similar to how a fire can get out of control, but coals are something that are used to temper fire, electricity, and things that can cause an explosion outside of one’s control turning out bad.

On the contrary, when we choose to honor our parents, we take an otherwise combustible situation and turn it around so that God can use it for his good. You never know if God will use your obedience in honoring your father to minister to your father. We have to remember that they have issues from their childhood also. Much like Troy, who in the film was on his own since the young age of 14 years old.

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3 Lessons to Take Away From Fences Pt. 1: We Have a Choice…

We Have a Choice in How We Turn Out Despite How Our Fathers Are:

I love the film Fences because it just makes us appreciate our fathers even more despite imperfections they may have. Father’s are held to a higher standard of accountability, and face more crucial scrutiny than others because of the responsibility that comes with the role.
 
The role of a  Father’s impact is undeniable in the home as clearly seen in Troy’s character. His decisions affected the temperament of the whole household and in a way served as a roadmap as to where his children would end up.
 
Troy, in the film, was like many father’s who sought to control the outcome of his son’s life. He attempted to protect Cory from the racial discrimination he felt he had experienced in his days of playing ball by preventing his son from an opportunity to be observed by a sports recruiter, and encouraging his son only to work. This along with the infidelity embittered his son Cory. The first lesson that we should take away from this is that despite the negative things that our father’s may have done in our eyes; we still have a choice as children as to how we will allow it to affect our futures.

We do not have to settle under the lie that bad choices have to be continued, and thus undermine the future of a child due to poor choices of a father. One great thing about Troy is that he was there, and he offered what he felt was his best. There are worst situations between fathers and their sons and daughters. Some situations are the lack of a father’s presence, verbal and physical abuse, and inability to affirm his love toward his children.

Despite what negative or positive influences we receive or do not receive from our fathers we have a choice as to where we will end up. I say this all the time and will not stop. Our parents give us what they can, and what they cannot, God stands in and takes responsibility for. God makes sure that we all have a chance at a positive future
When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up. – Psalms 27:10

I am a personal witness to the above scripture. Areas where my parents did not have the wherewithal to develop or protect me in, God has placed others in my life intentionally to show me that there is another way, and no I don’t have to be stuck with what I am familiar with. I have a choice. Not only did God send examples to represent him, but he also showed himself as a father in my life personally. This does not undermine our natural father or his role, but it serves in the child getting a more balanced and fair chance due to exposure to something more than what the natural father could bring.

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An Invitation to Wholeness Through Submission to Christ:

Is God requiring you to submit a particular area of your life over to him? Last week, I was reminded of the familiar story of when Jacob wrestled with God. I had always been curious about this story and how it could apply to my life. Well, last week is when the Lord would give me revelation on this story that directly applies to my personal life.

Just before Jacob settles into a place where he wrestles with God; he is confronted with his past. This past of his brings about anxieties within him that cause him to fear for his very life. In his past, he had tricked his brother, Essau, out of his birthright. The last encounter that he had with his brother was that of an angry Essau, who desired to kill his brother.

Years had gone by since Jacob and Essau had talked. Seeing how he did not leave his brother on peaceful terms, his lack of knowing what to expect from this meeting with his brother only produced much fear and anxiety. He devised ways to keep the situation under control by sending his servants to the front of his entourage to offer gifts, and splitting his entourage into two companies saying if one is attacked perhaps the other can get away. After, Jacob did everything within his power to pacify his brother in preparation to meet him, he prayed to the Lord.

Full of anxiety, he began to remind the Lord of his promise mentioning what God had promised to his father Abraham that he would make his seed as the sands of the earth. Later, that night, he began to wrestle with the Lord. The Bible says that when God knew he was not going to prevail against him; he grabbed his hip and caused it to be out of place. From then on, Jacob walked with a limp.

This has always intrigued me. Why would God not be able to overcome a mere man in a wrestling match? I believe that the wrestling was symbolic of not a physical wrestling match, but a wrestling match of wills and a wrestling match of trust in God. Jacob was so upset about the fear of meeting with his brother that I believe it was hard for him to completely entrust the ordeal completely over to God, How many of us have wrestled with something that we tried to figure out, control, and cope with on our own only to find that our answer is just as simple as submitting that area over to God, and letting him have it.

I believe God wrestling with Jacob was symbolic of God asking him to submit this fear and anxiety to him–To submit his trust in the Lord in this particular area. When God saw that Jacob was bent more on the fear than trusting in him; God had to allow him to be broken to make him dependent on him. I believe that God will allow brokenness in our lives to re-center us back to submitting our trust to him in the area where we are most broken. I believe God wrestling with him was sharing with him that he wanted that broken place not for Jacob to remain broken, but through Christ that God could use brokenness to make him whole.

Wholeness in some areas of our lives will only be realized when we learn to depend on God in those areas. We see that Jacob was preparing to run from the confrontation with his brother. He had separated his entourage into two companies saying to himself, “If Essau attacks one company, the other will have a chance to run and get away.” He was still strategizing on his own to fix the situation that had already been fixed. God had already changed Essau’s heart causing him to desire to reconcile with his brother in forgiveness.

What areas of our lives are we still striving to overcome in? Areas that Jesus has already invited us to walk in freedom in if we only submit those areas over to him. Submitting the areas that we struggle with over to God result in trust in God. When we aren’t so willing to do this, and when we continue to wrestle with God on these issues, he will sometimes cause brokenness or allow brokenness in order to cause us to depend on him.

The sacrifices of God are a broken and contrite spirit and those who give God this offering will see that it isn’t despised (Psalms 51:17). In the place of being broken, we find that God is near to us (Psalms 34:18). This is why brokenness is so important. There are times when all of us as believers must be broken to be whole.

The end result of Jacob’s encounter with God was that his name was changed to Israel. Israel was the name of the nation that was promised to Abraham. God’s response was not only to confirm his promise, but to better upgrade Jacob’s identity into one who had become ready for the promise. He reconciled with his brother. They both fell on one another’s neck and kissed one another. What was once a question of fear, anxiety, and possible death in the end began a story of triumph, restoration, and trust in God. This is what God desires to do in us when we give him our broken places.

Let’s invite God into the personal broken places in our lives. The ugly ones, as well as those that aren’t so ugly and see what he does with it.

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A Time to Fight & A Time to Stand:

There is a time to Fight and there is a time to Stand Resting in God’s Promises

Don’t forget, after having done all to stand, just stand (Ephesians 6:13-14). Many of us have been in a battle for some time that has intensified to the point of almost being unbearable within the last two years. Of which, we have used all of the Word of God inside of us to fight and to stand. However, when we are so used to fighting such an intense battle, it can be easy for us not to discern when it is time for us to rest from such intense fighting, and to simply stand in that which we believe. Sidenote: We enter into God’s rest through believing (Hebrews 4:3).

I was reminded of this when reading a story about King David in the Bible. David was older and he had fought much of his life to remain in position to obtain the promises of God including taking the throne of Israel. He had gone out to war with his men, and the Bible says that he was exhausted. His exhaustion had placed him in a vulnerable position where he was about to be killed. A young man named Abishai saved his life. After this encounter, David’s men scolded him saying how they forbade him to go out to war with them again so that the light of Israel would not be put out. Light of Israel statement showed David’s value to the men. He was highly respected, regarded, and valued just like we are, but may fail to realize due to the distraction of the fight.

Resting helps us to take into account what we have really done, and accomplished. It helps us to see that life although, it is made up of challenges, is not all about overcoming challenges, and fighting. It is also about enjoying the fruit of the labor that has already been given. This can only be truly taken into account through seasons of rest.

There is a time where it is necessary to fight, and there is also a time where it is necessary to just stand. What are we standing on? We are simply standing on the promises of God. We are standing on the fact that we are loved by God with an everlasting love. We are standing on the fact that God’s love is unfailing. We are standing on the fact that we are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. We are standing on the fact that God’s word will not come back void, so everything that he has spoken out of his mouth will come to pass.

It is not God’s will for us to spend our whole lives exhausted fighting a war that has already been won. When we simply stand; We allow ourselves to take a rest. While taking a rest, God will send reinforcements like he did with David. One of the younger men actually saved his life, and gave him wisdom to remain preserved.

T.D. Jakes said something very wise. He said that a person who is tired cannot handle harvest because harvest is work. It is actually wisdom to rest between the season of fighting and the season of reaping the harvest. Let’s be bold in Christ as we rest in him standing on his promises.

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Growing Our Intimacy With God through Fasting & Prayer – Pt. IV (Need to Seek the Lord)

In his pride the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God. Psalms 10:4
Not Seeking the Lord is a sign of pride and that we have forgotten him
We all can be prone to forgetting the Lord because of the human nature to forget God while things are going well. God talks about how he chose Israel as a child when she was abandoned in her blood. He took care of her, and when she got old enough, he married her making her a queen and dressing her in the finest garments. She began to take it for granted and to lose all of the fear, thankfulness, and reverence that she had for the Lord in the beginning (Ezekiel 16:6-32.)

This is also figurative of the church. We can easily lose our zeal, fear, adoration, and will toward the Lord when we fail to guard our closeness with God through fasting and prayer. Fasting and prayer helps to prepare our hearts in position toward the Lord our God.

In closing, if we want our hearts to be after God, we have to be intentional about placing our value on God. The below scripture tell us what not to place so much value on because God has already taken care of it.
And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it.For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them.  But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. Luke 12:29-31
Finally, verse 34 in the same passage says, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” In other words, what you treasure or place value on is where your heart will be. Where your heart is will eventually show up in your actions.

This is why the Word of God says, “A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him (Matthew 12:35.) What is in our hearts is so important, and coming to God allows for our heart’s desires to be changed to that which pleases God.

Let’s be like Esther and place value on drawing closer to our king through humility, reverence, fasting, and prayer.

Check out the videos below that recaps this whole mini-series as well as provides additional information on ways to go about seeking the Lord.

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Growing Our Intimacy With God Through Fasting and Prayer – Part III (In Faith)

Seeking the Lord with boldness requires faith and a knowing of how God feels about us:
We have been discussing Queen Esther and her relationship with King Ahaseraus when Esther approached him concerning her people. She took a risk in pursuing or approaching the king, but found favor because she was in covenant with the King as his favored and adored wife. He wanted to be with her as much or more than she wanted to be with him, and he was delighted that she had approached him.

When she entered his courts, the golden scepter was extended welcoming her in. He asked her what he could do for her stating that what she wanted he would do up to half of the kingdom. He was clear on how he felt about her, and his love for her specifically to her and all on lookers.

Similarly, God feels the same about us. God is in covenant with us. We are God’s bride through Christ. Biblically speaking, we the church, are considered the bride of Christ. God longs to be with us and for us to seek him. Finally, God also offers to share his kingdom with us just as King Ahasuerus did with Esther.And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:6

Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Luke 12:32​Thus, coming to God through fasting and prayer requires us to somewhat know our worth to God, and to like Esther step out on faith. Even though Ahasuerus was the king and had the power to show favor or wrath to Esther, he wanted to reassure her and remind her that she was his choice. Thus, he asked queen Esther a second time during the second banquet what her request was and he would do it up to half of his kingdom.

Just like King Ahasuerus desired his wife to boldly approach him in saying what concerned her; God wants us to do the same.

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16​

Just like King Ahasuerus chose Esther as his wife, and desired to reassure her, God also has chosen us.You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you 

so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. John 15:16

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Growing Our Intimacy With God Through Fasting & Prayer – Part II (Some Fruit of Fasting)

Last week, we began looking at kings in general for similiarities to God’s character and how to approach God. We have been studying in particularly the story of Esther and King Ahasarus, and we left off discussion how kings are expected to rule in righteousness. Below are a few scriptures to support. Next, we discuss some fruits of fasting and prayer, which is a way to reverence our approach to God eliminating distractions from our life.

Ruling in Righteousness

Below are some scriptures regarding the expectation for kings to rule in righteousness

  • Worship the Lord with reverence and rejoice with trembling. – Psalms 2:11
  • Loyalty and truth preserve the king , and he upholds his throne by righteousness. – Proverbs 20:28
  • It is abomination for kings to commit wicked acts; for a throne is established in righteousness. – Proverbs 16:12

Because of the expectation of righteousness that we have toward God and that we should be able to have toward kings or authority; we should be able to fear with a trust  that  both God and the kingdom or authority that we are under is for us. Thus, in the story of King Ahasuerus and Esther, we see Esther preparing herself to go before the king. Like Esther prepared herself to go before the king through the humility of fasting and prayer; we ought also to prepare ourselves to go before God.

Fasting is a way to humble ourselves

Esther chose to consecrate herself to the Lord through fasting and prayer before approaching the king. She also asked her people to do the same. Esther knew that she could not approach the king just any kind of a way. It had to be done in reverence. Therefore, she humbled herself. Fasting is a willing way for us to humble ourselves. We willingly make ourselves weak through fasting, and find our strength through intentionally leaning on, and seeking the presence of our King, Our God.

When I fast and pray, I look forward to God’s presence because it literally gives me strength. God’s presence is needed. God himself is needed. Fasting gives proper perspective to our need for God.

Fasting produces clarity

There is a chapter of scripture in Isaiah 58 that deals with fasting. It talks about the purpose in the type of a fast that God calls to humble ourselves, and such. One of the things that the scripture mentions that will happen is that clarity will come.

Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
    and your healing will quickly appear; Isaiah 58:8

Light breaking forth is significant of clarity. At first Esther did not know what she was going to do when approached by her Uncle Mordecai to intercede for the Jewish people who’s lives were being threatened. In the beginning, she seemed a bit resolved about whether she could or even should do something about the situation until Mordecai told her if she did not do something, God would raise up deliverance from elsewhere. It was after she fasted she gained clarity on what to do. Now, she had a full plan in place. Her plan was to approach the king, and invite him to a banquet. She was careful in how she bought the very serious matter of her people to the king. She did not just spring it on him.

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Why Do the Rebellious Get Blessed While The Faithful Suffer? – Prodigal Part 2

Last week, I covered from a Biblical perspective the human nature in how we question ourselves, and question God for blessing someone who was rebellious right away after they turn from their rebellion, and allowing the other son to continue to suffer.

You will need to go back and read part one of this to understand what I believe is God’s heart on this matter. I want to cover bitterness, and competition in this portion. One of my mentors shared with me her testimony through which she was placed in a lot of bad situations through bad choices and simply not knowing any better.

When she got older and saved, she also shared how God began to deal with her about her husband. Long story short; she ended up engaged and married. Some of the sisters that she was waiting with got very angry with her because of bitterness and competition. She told me about one woman in particular who called her accusing God saying, “I don’t see how I’ve been waiting so long and I don’t have a husband, and God blesses you not long after you decide to live for him. I hate you.”

Clearly, the above woman fell into the trap of competition. Competition is the natural fleshly reaction when a situation arises similar to that of the prodigal son. When the thought of competition goes unchecked by God’s word; the competition takes us off of track of what we are supposed to be doing and what we are supposed to focus on. Competition leads to frustration, anger, and bitterness because God never made us to be like anyone else. He made us to be ourselves.
“For we are not bold to number or compare ourselves with some of those who commend themselves. But they themselves, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves with themselves, are without understanding.” 2 Corinthians 10:12
Again, the above scripture points to the person who compares themselves with others is lacking of a particular understanding. The lack of this understanding is what keeps that person in bondage.

What are some things that need to be understood to avoid giving in to competition:

  • It is not wise.
  • It leads to bondage.
  • It takes away from our unique identity, which diminishes who we are as a person. This is not God’s will.
  • We want to fulfill God’s will for our own lives; and not mimic the life of another due to feeling rejected like the faithful son.
  • It Prevents us from being thankful for what we already have.

We need to get an understanding, and that understanding should be God’s understanding on the matter.
“Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.” Proverbs 4:7
The bitterness that is produced will keep us from being in a position to receive what God does have for us. Remember that I said in part one that God told the faithful son that whatever he had also belonged to the faithful son. We will not be able to see that what we are believing God for is already ours when we allow bitterness, anger, and frustration to be our guide.

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