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Have You Been Proven?

For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith. Romans 1:17 (KJV)

The righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith. Revealed means to be shown as in to be proven, or placed clearly out into the open. Our character of whether we are walking this Christian thing out by God’s righteousness or our own is revealed through the circumstances that test our faith.

Are we going from faith to faith? When circumstances happen outside of our control that test whether we trust in God or not; are we found trusting in him? Are we growing in faith or faltering in faith. If we are going from faith to faith; we are showing that we have been proven. We are showing that we are truly believers that depend on Christ.

Job was a believer who had been proven. During going through his trial, he remained resolved to continue in faith trusting in God. He made famous the line, “Though he slay me, yet will I trust him. I will defend my cause before God, and this will end in his deliverance for indeed no godless man would be so bold as to plead their cause before God. (Job 13:15-16)”

Job declared with boldness that he was fed up with his friends judging him. He was no longer going to put up with being judged in the courts of men and their limited understanding. He made up his mind that he would plead his cause before God who would judge righteously. He knew that it would turn out that the Lord would deliver him because the Lord is faithful.

Men were judging him according to how things looked. It looked like Job had done something wrong. Why would God allow a man of God to suffer so much? This is often the case in the body of Christ today when believers go through uncommon circumstances that causes them to suffer.

They are often accused of doing something wrong. If we aren’t careful, these accusations can make us want to do wrong. However, Job in the King James Version says in the same scripture that he would maintain his ways before God (Job 13:14). In other words, he has been righteous, and will continue to be righteous, and because of that he isn’t afraid to approach God. He had been proven.

His friends did not note that the Lord was proving Job in the fact that Job was consistent through suffering. You see, when we continue to walk by faith through suffering, it shows that we have been proven. We have been proven that what is inside of us that is causing us to hold on is not of the flesh, but of the Lord. It is the righteousness that springs from God’s work in us himself.

If you are in a proving process or have been in a proving process; don’t be discouraged. Be bold and continue to walk by faith like Job knowing that the end of this thing will result in your deliverance, vindication, and double the blessing of the Lord.

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How to Deal With Those Who Devalue Us:

I thank God that the Bible acknowledges the challenges that women of God face with being valued as women of God. Below are just a couple of scriptures in the Bible referencing a woman’s worth.

Who can find a virtuous woman? Her price is far above rubies. – Proverbs 31:10
Whoso finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the Lord. – Proverbs 18:22

Despite the mantras clearly stated in the Word of God; many women struggle to hold on to the fact that their rarity and wifely characteristics are something to be celebrated when they consistently meet men who do not see them as such.

Similarly, many upstanding men get the brush off from women because they are not the mean hardcore type. What are we to do in such instances? One of the first things that we can do is to expect it. We can expect the fact that not everyone will love us, nor honor us for who we are and that is okay because God has those that will.

We can conclude within ourselves that no matter what obstacles we face, we will keep going without modifying our standard given to us by God. We can leave up to God those who treat us wrongly knowing that he is the righteous judge and he will deal with them while we forgive. Jesus, the Christ who was tempted in all points yet without sin experienced similar devaluing of himself. Some people will never value who we are no matter how good we become. Let’s look at an account of Jesus being devalued in Matthew 11.

Jesus had done many miracles in the towns of Chorazin, Bethsaida, and Capernaum yet many in those towns did not believe in Jesus. Jesus began to correct the people of those towns saying that if he had done the miracles in other towns they would have believed. He shared that on the day of judgment, more mercy will be shown to those who did not see his many miracles and take him for granted as the other towns did.


Jesus was clearly taken for granted. How could they take Jesus for granted? He was the Son of God. He raised people from the dead and healed many that were sick. There were many who heard of the fame of Jesus and would have loved to have had him in their towns up close and personal during that period, but the above towns took Jesus for granted.

Jesus’ Response
He chucked the experience up for what it was, corrected the people and moved on. Where did Jesus move on to? He moved on to those who would value him. He is found just after this experience saying to anyone who will hear to come to him if they need rest.

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30

I made bold the part about being meek and lowly in the heart because it is a natural temptation to allow life circumstances to allow us to become hardened. After being bluntly disrespected as Jesus was, he could have become hardened and closed himself off from all people. He could have become prideful and very selfish in saving his gifts for only himself, but he instead maintained his humility and invited others in who would value him and what he had to offer.

This is an excellent example of how we are to handle those who dishonor us. Instead of allowing it to cause us to become hardened, locking up who we are, or devaluing ourselves into a woman or man of a lower standard; We learn to move on like Jesus entrusting those who devalue us to the judgment of God.

In doing so, we will keep our hearts soft and pliable toward the Lord, and those that he has assigned to our lives who will value us for who we really are.

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The Sacrifice of Praise:

I am thankful to the Lord for his protection. Many of my followers know my testimony that God has preserved me from going through unnecessary drama in relationships. He has preserved me from having to be a babymama, and given me wisdom and discernment to acquire his best. Something that he offers to everyone who will follow him.

Just recently, I had met a brother online who I’ve followed for years. During, our first conversation his character and lack of preparation to be an appropriate spouse was revealed immediately. In fact, he was the type of guy, who would be abusive, controlling, and domineering to a woman. All of that was exposed immediately through his conversation. That is the goodness of God at work showing me not to enter a relationship with him and that moving forward with this particular individual would be moving in the wrong direction.

God has always protected me when I’ve been interested in men, and men interested in me. God has been there for me tremendously. He healed my daddy issues prior to marriage so that I would not take those negative things into a relationship. All of the hardships that I did have to walk through; God has walked through with me. I was never alone, and I am still here in sound mind and hope for the future only because the Lord has built me up. God built me up with his word and his presence. Truly, he is our everything.

What is the point of all of this? The point is to learn to be thankful when things aren’t going the way that we would like for them to go. There is always something to be thankful for. Sometimes being thankful will be a sacrifice. I absolutely adore Psalms 56:12 that says:
I will fulfill my vows to you, O God, and will offer a sacrifice of thanks for your help. – NLT
David in the midst of going through hardship, people talking about him, and pressure on every side decided not to give up, but to continue his faithfulness toward the Lord, and offer thanksgiving to God even though it was hard.

There will be times where it will get so hard as a believer where everything around us will appear to be going in an unexpected way. However, those times are when we are to offer the sacrifice of praise. Sacrifice meaning: something that isn’t easy to give, and something that really affects us. The sacrifice may even be very painful. That is what makes it a sacrifice, but we decide to offer it to the Lord anyway because the Lord is good.

David not only offered to the Lord the sacrifice of praise, but he thanked the Lord for what he had promised even though it had not been manifested yet.
I praise God for what he has promised; yes, I praise the Lord for what he has promised. Psalms 56:10 (NLT)
his is the character that God wants to bring forth in us his people. This character says no matter what it looks like, I will not deny the Lord. I will continue to offer my sacrifice of praise to the Lord. I will continue to reverence and fear the Lord for who he is. For one, we do not give our lives to God for what he does, but for who he is and what he already has done.

There were times where I’ve felt like I was being a bad example for dedicating my life to the Lord and his will encouraging singles and yet not having any fruit in the form of a godly relationship with a man. However, I have come to the realization that the lessons that I have learned along the way through enduring with God and his plan are far better than the fruit of simply having a man.

As a matter of fact, because of the way that the Lord has done things in my life; my expectation now is far greater than what it used to be. I believe my thinking was too small in believing God to produce the desire that he put in me for a spouse. God will bring his promise of a spouse to me, and so much more.
yes have not seen. Ears have not heard. Neither has it entered into the heart of men what God has prepared for those who love him, but he has revealed it by his Spirit. 1 Corinthians 2:9
What God has in mind for me is far greater, and my character, discernment, and intimacy with him needed to be so developed in order to handle where he is taking me. I write this to encourage those who have been consistent and faithful in walking with the Lord, and still have not yet seen their desire come to pass.

Know that your desire will come to pass. That is the easy part. The hard part is enduring to allow the character God desires to be birthed in us; while experiencing the disappointment of how things appear again and again, and yet still saying that God is good. This is the sacrifice of praise believing God despite what it looks like, and this is how we please God through faith.

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When We Sacrifice to The Lord He Exceeds Our Expectations

For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

One of the major things that God has been doing in me is building my expectation. I had walked into church one morning recently, and the Lord was dealing with me about increasing my expectation. I was reminded of the above scripture as God directed me to keep my eyes on him and not what I see.
Have you ever been in a place where you had made such a big sacrifice, and you did not see a return on what you had sacrificed? It makes you feel like you are sort of at a loss. Well, in Christ when we decide to lose our lives for the sake of Christ and the gospel all we can do is win.

For whosoever will save his life shall lost it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. Matthew 16:25

Both of the above scriptures speak of an expectation that the believer should have who has given himself to the Lord. Those who sacrifice their very lives for the sake of Christ can have a knowing, expectation, sureness, and peace that God intends to make good on his promise. However, before we can receive his promise our expectation must be elevated.
God says in his word that he will not allow himself to be mocked what we sow we will reap. I can remember making a sacrifice during the year 2015. God had put an urgency on my spirit to write and immediately come out with my book, “The Single Christian Women’s Guide.” I wanted to help other women to overcome the things that I have been blessed to overcome as a single woman of God through Christ.
I took my vacation money that I had planned to go to Atlanta with, and used it to get the book out. I had prioritized the cause of the kingdom of God above my own. When we do that God honors it every time. A few months later, in 2016, I was blessed to go to Atlanta for free with all expenses paid including a nice hotel downtown, money for food and spending, and whatever I needed. Why? Because when God repays us for our sacrifice it is beyond what we have sacrificed.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine , according to his power that is at work within us. Ephesians 3:20
God has created other situations to bless me beyond my sacrifice as well. What I have given in total toward the book has all been repaid, and I am in a better position. I am writing this to encourage those who have made sacrifices to the Lord, and have not yet seen a return on them. Satan will often attempt to deceive us into believing that God is not just for allowing us to sacrifice without us having yet seen a return, but some returns will take longer than others because the sacrifice was greater, which means that the reward will be greater. Remember the current suffering cannot be compared to the glory that is to come. Our expectation should always be up toward Christ Jesus and his immovable word.
During, the times where we can easily become discouraged for doing the right thing for long periods of time without getting desired results; we have to continue to build ourselves up on the Word of God.

But ye, beloved, building up yourselves on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Ghost, Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life. – Jude 1:20-21

There are some other sacrifices that I have made that are much bigger than the one that I made to get the book out. The sacrifices were sown in much tears of obedience, and self-denial to my own hurt, pain, endurance, and personal growth. I just have a great expectation that the Lord sees those tears and those sacrifices, and that he is taking so long to answer me concerning them because there is such a big reward that he is preparing for me. God’ answer to my sacrifice will cause me to forget absolutely all of the pain. He gives us beauty for ashes.
And provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. Isaiah 61:3
Despite, what things look like, our God is faithful, and the results of our sacrifices to the Lord will be far greater than the suffering endured in the middle of our sacrifice.

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Refreshing & Affirmation for God’s Single Daughters:

In a time when encouragement for single women who have been taking a stand for Christ is scarce, It was so refreshing for me to hear the below sermon from Pastor Tony Evans. The name of the teaching series this sermon is found in is called Marriage Matters Part I. It’s a 7 part CD series. I’ve only posted one part, and that is the sermon called, “A Lesson on Romance.”

The lesson looks at the Song of Solomon and it affirms women who have been taking a stand for Christ. It reminds us that it is okay to expect God’s best. There is something that brings freedom and removes the tension, confusion, and shame often associated with being single for a long period of time, when a man of God not only echoes our deep-seated desires for a godly mate, but says with great strength, surety, and authority that yes this is what we should expect and stand on as women of God.

Some key points made were the man God is sending will affirm the woman’s value in how she sees herself, women should not descend in character or identity to accommodate getting a man, women should cause a man instead to ascend to her God-given standard—This is done by her maintaining her standard, no matter how hard it gets for a woman of character she should still continue to maintain her character through the hard times, and a woman who is of noble character still needs protecting.

The woman Should Not Descend in Character
A common question that a woman who has been set apart by God has is whether she has to lower herself or not to get a man. In some cases, women are looked at as being Jezebaals for taking a stand on the standard that God has given her. She is looked at as too rigid, pompous, or imbalanced when within herself she just wants to be loved in the correct way. She is gracious about her stance, but firm and sure.

Pastor Evans says that a woman should not descend in character to get a man. He sets this woman at ease as he explains that a woman should require a man to respect her and to ascend to the standard God has given her to hold on to.

Continue to Maintain Character During Hard Times
Pastor Evans uses the story of the woman from the Song of Solomon, who had been through some hard things, and yet she has resolved to maintain her integrity throughout the midst of it. Likewise, Pastor Evans encourages single women to continue to maintain their integrity in spite of the hard times. All of us who have been standing as singles know just how hard the times can get, but God has taken this into account when he gave us his word, and his word will help us to stand in the hard times. Continue to be resilient and resolved to stand during hard times.

The Right Man Will Affirm who We Are in Christ
Again, single women are comforted to know that it is okay not to just choose the current man available, yet unqualified. We should be looking for specific qualities such as a man affirming who we are in Christ. If how he is treating us or what he is calling us isn’t lining up with what God is calling us, and how Christ treats us, he isn’t the one. Move on.

A Woman who Stands for Christ Still Needs Protecting
There is a scripture that Pastor Evans brings out that talks about how to deal with a woman who is a door and one who is a wall:
“If she is a wall, we will build towers of silver on her. If she is a door, we will enclose her with panels of cedar. Song of Solomon 8:9”
The way that Pastor Evans explained it is the woman who is the wall (Not easy, not giving it up) is to be celebrated and built up so that she will continue in doing so. He explained the scripture in such a way where it does not take for granted that because the woman has stood for a long time that she is cool, and will automatically continue to stand. Her brothers, who understand the value of what she is doing stand with her because they value her as their sister.

The other side of the scripture is explained in such a way as to protect the girl who does not understand her worth nor the value of holding out until marriage. She is the door letting any visitor come on in. She obviously needs to be protected, hidden, and on lock down until she can get it together.
I thought it was awesome that the scripture explained to protect both girls and to remind both girls of their worth, and not just the girl who was a door. The sermon made me feel like as a woman that it is okay for me to desire to be protected, covered, and loved the way that God said I should be–like Christ loves the church. If standing through all of the pain and disappointment ensued is the way to get there; then I will continue to stand empowered that I do not have to stand alone. God is backing us along with his word and other godly men and women like Pastor Tony Evans.

To order the full series from Pastor Tony Evans, Click the following link: Click here!
Listen to the complete sermon below, and also order the full teaching series at his website:

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Book Review – Love Your Status: A Quick Guide for the Single Woman by KJ Hansel

This book does just what it says it will do which is to persuade or remind us as single women to love our status. It pin-points some very important and enjoyable facts that are unique to the single woman’s experience such as the ability to enjoy the initial pursuit of an appropriate suitor.

In discerning, the suitor according to his actions and not by what he says, we also enjoy the ability to demand to be treated like ladies. She boldly reminds us that being concrete on our God-given standards and some additional preferences that we are willing to embody ourselves will ensure us that we get just what we are worthy of and that is God’s best.

I love some  of the helpful tips that KJ, the author,  includes to keep us stable while checking out a brother or even waiting and not talking to anyone at all. Tips include having a thankful journal, questions for each phase of dating, and not taking things past a first date when certain red-flags are in view.

The thankful journal is where she jots down big and small things that she is thankful for. The  thankful journal helps to have the right perspective in our season of waiting. Some of her key advice for the first date is not to ask too serious questions, but allow the questions to be broad enough to allow us to see if we’d like to continue to a second date.

One question we should ask initially:

If you were not a ________________ (current job title) what would you do? She shared how this question will reveal his passions.

One question that we should ask  later on:

Share your thoughts on ____________. (The blank could be filled with any moral issue of importance to you.) She shared this is a good way to see if you all are compatible on controversial issues that may be of importance to you.

She tackles the selfish attitude that many singles can acquire, and ways to combat selfishness. She answers the question of rather a soul-mate is actually a thing, suggests helpful relationship resources, and encourages women to live in the present.

Of course, my favorite parts are those that give women that extra empowerment boost that we need.

​See quote below:
“Insist he earn your investment on the grounds that you are a woman of high value. I’m not saying you should play emotional games. What I am suggesting is that I know many women who delve headfirst into a relationship as soon as a feller shows even a hint of interest. This generally scares guys, and by giving him your full investment up front, there’s no work he has to put in to win your heart.”Love this! Her book is available on Amazon and and her blog is kjhansel.com​​

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Cece Winans Returns with New Music After Nearly 9 Years Since her Last Album:

Cece Winans is one of those artists where you already know that she will be coming strong. She is gospel royalty not only because she can sing, and comes from the Winans family, but because of her sincerity in her relationship with God.

Cece recently, stopped by Urban Praise Radio sharing how despite the much success that she has garnered throughout the years; it’s easy for her to stay humble. She sees staying humble as the most important thing.
She discussed how all of us have an anointing by God, and the importance of walking out our own individual anointing in which God has given us. She continued saying, “When we go before God in judgment, he will not ask us how many awards we’ve won, but he will say do we have his heart?”
Her latest record was produced by her son Alvin Jr. III. She had reservations with his ideas for the album, but finally submitted to it. She is proud at the depth displayed in the lyrics written by her son:

“Like the three Hebrew boys that day
Ooh, forced to take their fate to flames
I, too, have had the choice to break
And serve the world instead
But I stood on the Word and did not bow
Endured the steps the Lord allowed
I came out stronger shouting “WOW…
God’s never failed me yet!”

Above are lyrics written by her son from the song, “He’s Never Felled Me Yet.”

When asked about balancing life with family, she discussed how at one point she home-schooled her kids on the road bringing in a teacher. This went on for a few years prior to allowing the children to go back to school.

She closed out by stating that our relationship with God is the most important thing. The industry changes going up and down with popularity and acceptance, and if we get our acceptance from God we will be okay.

Her album is currently the number one gospel album, and in the top 20 urban right now. It is called, “Let Them Fall In Love” and was released February 3rd of this year.

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Bouncing Back From Brokenness – Part II

Continuing from last week’s two keys to bounce back from brokenness. Below are three more important keys that we will need to have.

Have a Close Unit of Godly Friends:

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down,one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (KJV)

The above scripture is often applied to married people, but it is just as applicable to single individuals as well. God often puts together godly ties with other believers to protect his children. Contrary to what some may believe as a single man or woman, you do not have to walk alone. Learn to be thankful for those relationships that God has put in your life such as friends, cousins, brothers, sisters, fathers, and mothers. Utilize these relationships to help you to stand with support knowing that you aren’t in this alone. You are stronger together. These relationships often bring about healing that we don’t even realize.

Guard Yourself from Toxic People:
Tamar, in the story discussed in part one did well to isolate herself from Amnon. Now knowing his character, he isn’t one to hang around. It can only be wise to guard ourselves from being too close from those who do not value us. The danger in allowing ourselves to be close to those who do not value us is that it will eventually cause us not to value ourselves, and that can get us stuck. It isn’t God’s will for us to be stuck, but for us to always be moving forward in the identity and purpose that God has pre-ordained for us. Thus, we gotta cut some people sometimes and that is okay.

Do something Cool, Nice, New, or Fun for Yourself:
What do you like to do for fun? What do you like to do to remind yourself that you are worth it? Worth what? Worth love, affection, and experiencing the best that life has to offer. Some things that I do for myself include  taking myself out to eat almost every week while I read a book as I am waiting on my food. If I am in a new neighborhood for something, I may explore the neighborhood looking at unfamiliar restaurants, and stores. Recently, I had to go to a new neighborhood for a television interview, and I explored a restaurant that had some amazing Jambalaya.

Prepping for my video blogs allows me to try different makeup looks which I love to do. It is so much fun being a woman. We can try different hairstyles, fashion, and makeup looks all the time. It is so exciting. I even recently perfected applying false lashes lol. It took me some time to get this child!

Scripture admonishes women to adorn ourselves. There is a reason why it is important for us to adorn ourselves. We need to see ourselves as the beautiful women that God has made us to be. We are just to do this in a manner that doesn’t bring inappropriate attention. Many focus on the part of scripture that says to dress modestly, but not on the command to adorn ourselves which means to dress up, celebrate, or decorate ourselves.

This is so important. Another thing that I love to do for myself is to get dressed up and go to a concert of one of my favorite artists and take pics of course. It’s all appropriate self-love and self-care. We will need to carry this habit into our marriages when the Lord does bless us one day, so that we do not lose who we are in the responsibilities of marriage, children, and family life. These things should be a blessing to us and not a burden.
When marriage and family become a burden; It may be time for appropriate self-care.

We cannot wait for someone else to come into our lives and remind us that we are worth it. We have to be willing to do this for ourselves. We have to capture every negative thought as 2 Corinthians 10:5 says and get on with living.
There is complete healing and restoration that can take place after brokenness if we follow these guidelines and choose not to give up. Things will get better, and after a while the hurt that we once felt from the brokenness will seem oh so far away. Let’s enjoy this journey of life, and enjoy being made whole in Christ

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Bouncing Back From Brokenness Part I

Recently, I did an interview regarding accepting God’s no which feels like brokenness and confusion while we are experiencing it. Sometimes it is hard to get back to life as we’ve known it before the brokenness because we’ve learned to function from a different position. A position of lowliness, and often the wrong perspective because of our circumstance. I think about Job and all of the various emotions, questioning, and conversations he had during his ordeal.

If we maintain the wrong perspective, we could begin to function from a place lower than who we are, and certainly lower than what God intended. So, what do we do to restore that wholeness, that pep in our step, that ease of living in a way? 

​Below are some things that can help us bounce back from brokenness.

Intimacy with Jesus Check:
First things first. We want to make sure our intentionality in seeking the Lord is on ten. There can be a resistance in drawing near to the Lord after a hard time of brokenness because we sometimes feel that God could have prevented us from going through it, but he did not. We may question if he is really good. Despite, the questioning, we still need to pursue him, and as we do, he will change our perspective to showing us the reason he has allowed us to go through to make us stronger and strengthen our faith. This intimacy with God will condition us to be able to withstand all else that life has to offer.

For example, the woman who washed Jesus’ feet with her tears and dried them with her hair performed a very intimate act of worship in front of naysayers in a man named Simon’s house. She had become a spectacle to her community. Everyone knew her faults and what she had been through, but she was able to endure the negative energy from others almost blocking it out completely because of her intimacy with God.

Intimacy with God produces endurance. God uses the trials of life to temper us to be able to handle the many challenges that will come with living for his glory. Remember if God’s glory is to be revealed in us we have to be able to endure suffering for Christ. Intimacy with God has a way of healing us right in the midst of the suffering, and causing us to be able to endure until the end.

Make Sure You Have Forgiven others:
This forgiveness enables you to get on living your life. There was a woman in the Bible named Tamar, who had a terrible thing happen to her that was not her fault at all, but because of what happened to her she made the choice to live in her brother’s house for the rest of her life as a desolate woman. Meaning she isolated herself from the possibility of having something more, something different all because of what happened to her.

She had been raped by her half brother Amnon. Her brother Absalom protected her afterward allowing her to live with him. He avenged her rape with the murder of his half brother Amon. However, I don’t want to focus on Absalom, but Tamar. She had a choice to get on living her life. It was her who made the choice to live in isolation from the possibilities of experiencing anything better than what had already befallen her.

Negative experiences in our lives can sometimes cause us to see life through a negative lense where we avoid the possibilities of something better, something positive, and something new. It may even blind us to the good things around us that are happening. In a sense, Absalom, protecting his sister and allowing her to live with him was a positive thing that should have affirmed her worth, and ability to be loved, but she did not see it that way. She saw her life as a sentence of isolation.

Yes, there was a stigma for girls back then who were no longer virgins, but she was not a woman of the night. She was a daughter of the king. It is almost as if she had forgotten who she was and decided to live as though she did not know her worth.

As a daughter of the king, do you know how many men would have been happy to marry into her royal family? How many men good men, who could have loved Tamar were avoided through her choice to isolate herself?

The Bible says that she was beautiful. She was so beautiful, that unfortunately, her brother chose not to control himself. He looked at her so highly when he was in his lust, and despised her so adamantly after satisfying his lust.

Tamar, the beautiful virgin who at one point wore the veil of many colors signifying her virginity, and availability to be wifed as a virgin gave up that dream after her self-worth was taken from her through rape. However, her value did not change.

She was still the king’s daughter, and the king could have covered her in the event that a man would have taken her as his bride (See Deuteronomy 22:17). The point is Tamar, even after experiencing her hardship, had a choice to live, and she chose not to due to unforgiveness and the wrong perspectives that not dealing with the hurt, and pain caused produced in her life.

We have a choice. A choice to forgive, to deal with the pain ensued, get God’s perspective, and move on with our lives choosing to live in spite of what we’ve loss. When God decides to bring retribution, he always pays us back more than what we’ve lost. We have to trust God with our wounds and forgive.

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3 Lessons to Take Away From Fences Pt. 3: Celebrating and Honoring Our Fathers…

Celebrating and Honoring Our Fathers is Necessary:

After making up our minds to forgive our fathers of their shortcomings and deciding to honor them, it becomes easier to honor them when we look for the good in them. There was definitely good in Troy as there is good in most all men.
Troy tried to teach both his sons, Cory and Lyons the importance of hard work. He encouraged Cory to prioritize money based on needs versus wants first. He encouraged the importance of accepting the responsibility to take care of one’s family to Cory. He loved him in the best way that he knew how. He felt that he prepared him for the world in the best way that he knew how.

He encouraged his other son Lyons not to just focus on the passion of music, but to work also, so he would not have to borrow and beg while pursuing music. He was looked at as being harsh to Lyons for being reluctant to loan him money, but that is what fathers do. Fathers give hard lessons to attempt to make their sons men. These were all good qualities that Troy had. When we focus on our father’s good qualities like those of Troy, it makes it easier to celebrate and honor our fathers.

If for nothing else, we should honor them for the fact that they stayed in our lives to do what it is that they knew to do. In most cases, what many men have known to do is to provide. If nothing else, a man often always knows about that responsibility, and there are many men out there who do it well.
Instead of dishonoring our fathers, we should be sure to cherish them, talk with them, build relationship whenever possible even through times of hurtful forgiveness. Because like Troy, one day he isn’t going to be there, and we will wish we had of honored him while we had the chance. Our fathers our needed, and worthy of love and respect even through their imperfections.

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