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Single Ladies, Are You Ready for This Responsibility in Marriage – Part IV (Our Voice)

Trusting in Our Husbands Does not Mean We Lose Our Voice As Women:

This does not mean that Sarah did not say anything about the situation or present an alternate idea. We don’t know that because it isn’t mentioned in scripture. What we do know is that she submitted to him.

My point here is that women do not have to lose their personalities, and not be allowed to speak or share in decision making. It is all about the spirit in which we communicate. Is it out of respect for our husbands? Are we of a quiet and peaceable disposition meaning not combative, demeaning, dismissive or the like?

Are we looking down on a brother thinking to ourselves, “come on man, you should know this.” Finally, if our man does not agree with us, will we submit anyway allowing him to have the final authority as the man, and will we trust God like Sarah to work it out for us, and to protect us, and our families.

This series has taught us the below:

  •  Trust God​
  •  Respect our husbands by trusting them in their ability to make decisions and lead even when it is wrong.
  •  Don’t lose ourselves by not communicating or having anything to contribute. We just need to be mindful of how we contribute, and that should be done out of a peaceable, quiet, and respectful disposition.
  • Respecting our men is often how we cover them.
  • We learn to trust God as singles, and carry that into our marriages as we respect our husbands.
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Single Ladies, Are You Ready for This Responsibility in Marriage? – Part 3 (Our Example Sarah)

Our example Sarah, stayed in subjection to Abraham, covered his insecurity through submission and respect, and the outcome because of her obedience was well.

Abraham and Sarah were traveling through a foreign land. Abraham came up with the idea for Sarah to say that she is his sister because he is afraid the king of the foreign land will kill him and take his wife Sarah to be his wife because Sarah was beautiful to look at (Genesis 20:2-18).

We see that Sarah submitted to her husband’s word to tell Abimelek, the king that she was only his sister, and not his wife. After her submission to him, Abimelek took her into his house because she was fine. He had other plans for her as if she was single. God, the one in whom Sarah trusted to cover both her and her husband, and to correct Abraham her head when he was wrong covered them both.

Note, remember in the last blog post, we read how it takes trust in God to trust our husbands in such a way as to still have a peaceable and quiet spirit especially when they are wrong.

This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do. 1 Peter 3:5-6

We have to continue to maintain our peace, quiet spirit, and respect in the middle of similar situations as what Sarah endured. Note, a quiet spirit is a disposition of trust in the Lord not necessarily avoiding voicing how we feel. Our voices are important and should be articulated with respect and considered with respect and care.

God Goes to Bat for Sarah

God appears to King Abimelek telling him he is a dead man. God told Abimelek that Sarah was married and went as far as to close the wombs of all women in the kingdom because of the situation created by Abraham’s fear or insecurity.

When we submit to our husbands and continue to honor, and respect them like Sarah, even if they are wrong we will still be covered because we are ultimately submitting to and honoring God when we honor our husbands. We are honoring the order, covering, and safe place God has given us as women, and ultimately this lifestyle requires us to still place our trust in Christ to show how trustworthy he is.

God took care of it. Again, I reiterate that trusting our husband’s with a quiet and peaceable spirit requires us to trust God.

Sarah on the contrary could have argued with Abraham putting him down for such a plan, which would have damaged him more. It would have created a weight in their relationship, and driven a wedge between them.
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Even though she would have been right, her actions and how she would have gone about it would have been wrong. The way that she decided to handle it resulted in the best way to handle it. This is proven by the results.

Results of Sarah’s submission and respect for her husband:

  1. Everything worked out.
  2. Abraham was convicted and corrected about his actions by King Abimelek.
  3. All the while, Sarah was protected, and she did not even have to open up her mouth.
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Single Ladies, Are You Ready For This Responsibility in Marriage? – Part 2 (Quiet Spirit)

Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. – 1 Peter 3:3-4 (NLT)

In other words…

​A quiet spirit is a disposition of peace, rest, and confidence in our husband’s ability to lead us. Just like the peace and rest in our ability for Christ to lead us through his Spirit along with his word.

To not trust our husband is to insult his ability and character. Just like to not trust God, and rest in what he says insults the very nature of who God is. This is a huge insult to a man.

With this understanding, I am more thankful for the many trials and tribulations that the Lord has allowed me to go through to increase my trust in him. Truly, enduring through the trials of life is also a huge part of preparation for marriage for the single woman of God. Walking through the trials of life with God teach her how to trust him on another level.
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This is the type of a woman that when her husband loses his job; she will tell him it will be okay, and she still trusts in him. This is the type of a woman that a real man of God needs by his side.
This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do. – 1 Peter 3:5-6
It is interesting that the above scripture used Sarah and Abraham as examples because of the next part of this blog series. It is important for us as women to respect, and submit to our husbands in peace or a quiet spirit because they are imperfect.

They will be leading and making mistakes at times because they are imperfect, and those are the main times when we will need to respect them because those will be their most vulnerable times, and it will take trust in God in order to do this. If you read the above scripture over again, you will see this specifically. Don’t miss it. It says, “They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands.” We can remain at peace following our husband’s leadership only when we trust in Christ.
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Our next blog, will show an example of Sarah practicing trusting her husband Abraham when he is wrong, and how it turned out in both Sarah and Abraham’s favor due to the intervention of God. When the order of God is correct, it leaves room for God to intervene. Only wise women practice the things taught in this series.

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Single Ladies: Are You Ready For This Responsibility in Marriage? – Part 1 of 5

As women, it’s easy to concentrate on the glitz and glamour of romance in a God-fulfilling relationship with a man, but the presentation of a godly relationship presents more than the lovely opportunity to love and be loved. It presents an opportunity for the man and woman to put into operation the picture of Christ and the church through the beauty of submission. While both the man and the woman are to submit to one another.

The woman has the responsibility of allowing the man’s decision to be the final decision as he is the head and leader of the home. This can be hard when a woman is in disagreement with that man’s decision however this series will show how to handle that.

As women, it is very important that we cover our husbands in trusting their ability to lead us. This is especially important when our husbands display their insecurities or the fact that they just don’t have it all together because those are the moments when they are the most vulnerable.

Just like we as women have insecurities and desire for our husbands to cover us with their love reminding us that we are beautiful when we feel un-pretty, or that they chose us because they wanted us when we feel like we aren’t enough for them. In the same way, we have to cover them when their insecurities show up that they just don’t have it altogether. Who does have it altogether? That’s why we need each other.

In this five part series, we will cover the importance in trusting in our husbands, submitting to them when they show their insecurities, the need to trust Christ to do so, and the result of doing things in this way through viewing an example with Sarah and Abraham.
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Some of my girls, and I were riding to the movies a few weeks ago discussing what most men want in a wife. My friend mentioned that Michelle McKinney Hammond had done a survey of several men asking them what was most important to them when seeking a woman to settle down with. All of the men, that she interviewed mentioned trust as the one thing that they had to have from their woman.

Of course, we know that trust is earned, but if a man has earned our trust enough to gain our hand in marriage; He ought to have our trust enough to lead us.
As single women, we should only expect to give our hand to a brother in marriage if he is submitted to God. In other words, the man is displaying on a consistent basis consistent submission to God’s word.
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
Being in subjection is a form of trust and respect for that man and his ability.
While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. 1 Peter 3:1-2
Fear means a reverence and respect. There is a consistency of respect that the woman of God must embody toward her husband that shows trust, reverence, submission, and a willingness to follow his lead.
Stay tuned to read more on trusting our husband’s and following their lead in a quiet (peaceable) spirit on next week.

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Single Believers, God Wants You to Enjoy Life Without Distractions:

And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction. – 1 Corinthians 7:35There are so many great things that come with the single life. One of the greatest of all is to live a life in undivided devotion to the Lord. In this place, our minds are clear of worry, we are sure of our purpose, and are actively pursuing it. We are the most hopeful in this place, and there is lots of joy.

Satan’s main goal for the single believer is to distract us from this place of total devotion and attention toward the Lord. I looked up the phrase attend upon the Lord without distraction in the Greek.

It’s definition mentions, “without distraction, without solicitude, anxiety, or care.”

Solicitude: “a:  the state of being concerned and anxious b:  attentive care and protectiveness; also:  an attitude of earnest concern or attention (Merriam Webster Online Dictionary.)

Have you ever experienced anxiety as a single believer? Have you ever experienced a very distracting concern that seemed to overshadow your joy, peace, and hope?

Satan desires to put us in a position where we take our eyes off of Jesus and replace them with circumstances. One of the common ways that he does this is through offence.

You see, there are certain benefits that come with undivided attention upon God. Things like: Affirmation of our identity, vision, the direction and revelation of the Lord in a manner of clarity. It makes us sharper, better, and whole.

Offense on the other hand causes us to stumble and fall.

And if your eye offend you, pluck it out, and cast it from you: it is better for you to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.. – Matthew 18:9

Offend in the Greek means “to put a stumbling block or impediment in the way, upon which another may trip and fall, metaphorically to offend. To entice to sin. To cause a person to begin to distrust and desert one whom he ought to trust and obey. To cause to fall away. To be offended in one etc. (Strong’s Lite Dictionary)”

Offence often works in those closest to us. The seeds are planted, and if we do not deal with them; they can lead us to doubt, viewing ourselves the wrong way, viewing God the wrong way, and disobedience.
Jesus in scripture opened up to those close to him—his disciples. He shared with them some of the things that he would have to suffer. Peter, then rebuked Jesus sharply exclaiming that he did not have to go through. At that moment, Jesus chose to deal with it telling Peter to get behind him and referencing Peter’s words as those coming from Satan. He told Peter that he cared for the things of man, and not the plan of God (Matthew 16:21-24).

Like Jesus’ experience with those close to him; we at times can experience those close to us such as friends, and family, who do not understand the higher calling on our lives to be joyful singles who are whole in Christ.

They view our singleness as suffering alone and state that we do not have to go through it. If only we lowered our standards a bit, we’d be delivered out of our poor state. Like Jesus, we may have to deal with this plainly stating how hurtful this can be in hopes of eliminating this as a distraction from our complete devotion to the Lord.

Recently, I had to address this in my own family. In doing so, I have been able to close the door to any wondering about things spoken against me that would cause me to stumble. Often, our families mean well, but do not understand that they may be being used by the enemy to cause us to stumble. Ask God to give you wisdom concerning any and all distractions that would keep you from focusing totally on him as the leader of your life.

Finally, for balance sake, make sure that what you are standing on is truly God. We will know this by his word. God’s standard for our lives is found in his word.

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5 Key Points Women Should Know About Men:

I just finished reading an awesome book from Cornelius Lindsey called, “Decoding The Silent Man’s Language: What Men Are Saying When They Are Not Saying Anything.” In it, Lindsey shares key elements as to how women can foster an environment that makes men feel comfortable opening up.

He offers advice for women when they have done everything they know to create that environment, and the man still does not open up. Finally, he shares stories that provide great insight to the vulnerabilities and insecurities of men that they often attempt to hide from women. I’ve taken 5 key things from the book to share with readers and encourage them to read the book for themselves.

Be Intentional about Focusing on the Positives that Your Man Does
Often when women are bothered by the behavior of our men, we focus on that poor behavior until it changes, and completely lose sight of the good things that made us interested in our man in the first place. Lindsey shares a story of a man who grew silent with his wife after hearing constantly about what he did wrong. He felt as though he had lost the glimmer of respect and appreciation from his wife. He felt as though he could only do wrong in her eyes, and he completely shut down.

In counseling, his wife was asked what she loved about her husband, and she went on and on about the things she loved about him. The husband began to cry. Why? Because he never heard her speak so well of him. Cornelius called this the 99% to 1% ratio. Where many married individuals focus on the 1% of their marriage they do not like and lose sight of the 99% that they do like. He warns that this behavior can lead to divorce and the loss of a good man.

Instead of Focusing on The Negative Use Words of Affirmation to Highlight the Positives
Cornelius shares how building a man up with words of affirmation would produce a desire in him to begin to deal with the things that the woman may see as a negative in their relationship. He shares that for many men their nourishment is encouragement and this encouragement will cause them to grow in areas where they are weak.

Cover Your Man With Respect
The book talks about how a gentleman was hurt that his wife divulged negative information about him to others. He felt that it was a reflection of her disrespect for him and he grew silent. Another woman in the book insulted her husband over the dinner table eating out with friends.
She chided him for not allowing her to order first as she is the woman asking why he would do such a thing. She essentially belittled him as a child. If she did not have enough respect for him to protect him in front of others in speaking well of him; it points to a greater problem that needs to be addressed. Please, don’t ever follow this woman’s example.

Some Men Avoid Confrontation
Cornelius shared how there are some men who grow silent due to avoiding confrontation. “Many men, we think in a linear sequence: problem-process-solution. We hear the problem and want to find the process that will bring about a solution. Many men become silent when they do not know the solution or when the process confuses them.” Whereas, women want to discuss the solution. His silence in short communicates frustration with the process.

A Man Can Use his Relationship With His Woman to Avoid Dealing With Deeper Issues
Cornelius, in the book, had gotten together with several men who were married, unmarried, and of various ages. One of the unmarried men had picked up a girlfriend on the rebound to fill his void of loneliness. He was now ready to break up with her as he did not sincerely want  to be with her, but he felt she was emotionally unstable and could not handle it.

Others, in the room who were married warned the young man not to marry her as he did not really want to be with her. The other men in the group also felt miserable in their situations. While they bought women into their issues to make themselves feel better and realized that these women could not fix them; they were ready to drop the women or blame the women when in actuality the women were being used to distract from the deeper issues.
Cornelius pointed out two main issues that the brothers had:
Each brother had a broken relationship with God. “They had abandoned, God, their first love, to find satisfaction and fulfillment in other people and things.”
“Unfortunately, they were using a “love” relationship to fill a void so they would not have to deal with the issues of their heart.”

I would encourage you to read more of this interesting and eye-opening book. It is available at Amazon.

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Ten Scriptures Showing God’s Trustworthiness:

The scripture talks about how the truth makes us free. Just before this was mentioned in scripture, Jesus said if we abide in his word; we will be his disciples. What does this tell us? God’s word and abiding, meditating on, and believing it is the truth that makes us free.

Because there are many lies that believers often face, it is essential to ready ourselves to abide in freedom through abiding in God’s word. Below are 10 scriptures that will help us to continue to trust in the Lord during times where our situations would appear to present a different picture.
So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” – John 8:31-32 (ESV)Ten Scriptures showing God’s trustworthiness through his promises

1.   As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him. – Psalms 18:30

2.    With the faithful, God shows himself faithful. – Psalms 18:25

3.    He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all–how will he not also, along with him,        graciously give us all things? – Romans 8:32

4.    And he said unto his servant: quick get me my robe and place it on him. This showing inheritance despite our goodness. We inherit the goodness of God; we do not earn it. – Luke 15:22

5.    He enlargeth our feet under us so that our feet do not slip. We don’t have to worry about falling because he holds us up. – Psalms 18:36

6.   Syrophoenician woman: Woman, I have not seen such great faith in Israel. God does not limit his goodness to his people but spreads it abroad to all. He is faithful and trustworthy to respond to our faith. If he did it for someone who did not have an inheritance with him through covenant, how much more will he do it for someone who is in covenant with him through birth into the kingdom of Christ through his son Jesus. – Mark 7:24-29

7.  Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act. – Psalms 37:5 (ESV)

8.  Trust in the Lord and he will strengthen your heart. God understands that it gets hard to trust in him sometimes. That is why he has strength specially reserved for his children who trust him. – Psalms 31:24

9.  Trust in the Lord and do good. – Psalms 37:3 God understands that sometimes it appears that those who do good get the rough end of the stick; while those who choose to do evil get a break, but God still requires us to trust him. He is so confident in his faithfulness, trustworthiness, and also what he has invested in us that he expects us to still do good in the face of opposition. Besides, if we fall, he has already prepared a way for us to stand back up. Trust him.

10. Trust in the Lord with all of your heart. Lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path. God is so confident in his faithfulness and trustworthiness that he wants us to give up all of our trust to him, and not just some of it. – Proverbs 3:5-6

11.  Bonus: None that place their hope in the Lord will be made ashamed. This means that the end result will be one that shows in victory and in our favor. Amen. – Psalms 25:3

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When You Cannot See Me Just Walk by Faith:

We all grow up looking up to our parents. As we get older, they prepare us to be more mature than we were before by saying things like, “I’m not going to be with you always, and you are going to have to know how to handle yourself.” They taught us. They trained us because they loved us.

Just like our parents train us and wean us off of depending on their every move, so does the Lord train us, but the difference is that the Lord never leaves. He is always present just at times silent. He patiently waits for us to make the choice that we’ve been taught so that we can go on to the next level of maturity, learning, growing, and advancing in the kingdom of God.

As a child, it can seem scary, when our parents share that they won’t always be around, yet they are preparing us. However, our parents have such confidence in what has been taught that they proceed despite the hesitance of the child. Our heavenly father does the same with us.

It feels scary when God is silent as if he is distant, yet he is right there encouraging us like the parents who encourage their child to come on along to maturity. One of the best things that a parent can give their child is exposure to who Jesus is.

Although, my parents aren’t perfect in any form, I am so thankful for the inheritance that they gave me to know who Jesus is. As a child, we were made to watch Christian television. In particularly, my brothers and I were made to watch Frederick K.C. Price. Price is a faith teacher who at the end of every show had a theme song that he sang just after he said, “and we walk by faith not by sight.”

I had awakened one morning years ago while going through something; I heard the theme song and afterward the saying, “and we walk by faith and not by sight.” Afterward, I heard the Lord say when you don’t see me or feel me; walk by faith in those moments.

That bought about so much peace. God was in that moment training me with something that I would need to remember for the rest of my life.

In those moments where I don’t see God, feel God, or know how he is moving, I will need to walk by faith. Interesting that God used a fond memory Pastor Price’s broadcast to forever in grain that into me. It reminds me of my parents, and how they would make sure we paid attention while watching Price and other preachers. If we fell asleep while the teaching was on; we had to stand up until the broadcast was over.

Of course that was uncomfortable at the time, but it was much needed training for what I would face later. God is so good in that he doesn’t allow us to get too comfortable and remain in the same place, but he prepares us for our next level of maturity so that we can conquer everything that he has to set before us. Let’s continue to boldly walk by faith when we don’t see how, when, what, or feel how God will move knowing that we are in preparation by God for our next level of glory and maturity. Through faith in him; we pass every test.

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A New Level of Consecration For A New Season:

There are some things that are not wrong, nor sinful, but they can be a distraction from setting our focus on the Lord. There are some promises that come with setting our focus on the Lord such as peace.
Isaiah 26:3 says that those who keep their minds stayed on the Lord will be kept in perfect peace.I am a firm believer in protecting my peace. Peace is a free gift that Jesus has given to those who have believed on him
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. – John 14:27There are many things that will act as distractions in our lives robbing us of our peace and causing us to take our eyes off of Jesus Christ. This can be very dangerous because if we have no peace, and we allow ourselves to be distracted; we can open the door to confusion, anxiety, and simply walking after the flesh. Thus, there is a need to be cautious about when God calls us to a new level of consecration during walking into a new season in our lives.

We don’t altogether know what that season will hold, but God does and he promises to supply our needs. Supplying our needs also include preparation for what’s ahead.  Some things I’ve done to increase my consecration in this season is limiting the time on social media. Of course, I just completed a social media fast. Now, that I am back on social media I have set boundaries on how often I will go on. I simply do not want to lose the peace and sensitivity gained during the fast.

I am also going a period of time without listening to any secular music, and finally I’ve dedicated one day per week to fasting from food 6 a.m. – 6 p.m. All of these things will help me to intentionally look at the Lord. This will in turn cause me to become more sensitive to the Lord and help me to maintain my peace as well. When we maintain our peace; we can hear God a lot more easily and clearly. These are all small steps that will lead to a big outcome.
Feel free to join me in this new level of consecration for a new season of my life. I don’t altogether know what this new season holds, but I am excited that God would inspire me to began preparing for it in seeking him more.

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Why Dating a Person With a Religious Spirit is Just as Bad as Dating a Worldy Person

The religious person has the appearance of being in Christ. However, instead of abiding in Christ which means to be so submitted to Christ that a person commits to the process of being a true believer. This process includes a willingness to be led by the Spirit of God and the word of God.

Also, it means allowing refinement and growth to take place through submitting to the word of God continually. The religious person still operates according to the standards of the world. He picks and chooses what he will submit to in God’s word making his own standard of righteousness. Here is the worst part. This man is so prideful in his religious spirit that he sees no need to change.

Consequently, the person who operates in the above manner is not fit for marriage because marriage is all about growth for both the man and woman. Humility is also very much so required for the married couple to grow. Without it, the marriage will become stunted and die.

The person who chooses to walk in a religious spirit instead of allowing God’s process of sanctification, preparation, refinement, and freedom through submission to Christ has also stunted his own growth. He thinks he is the bomb, but he is really spiritually dead and nothing will be able to properly grow from him even a healthy and stable marriage until he truly hooks himself into the giver of life—Jesus Christ. Anything outside of the true vine dies.I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.
If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned. John 15:5-6The person who builds from a religious spirit becomes responsible for the success of what he builds, but the thing is, a religious person is not equipped to bring success to a marriage, relationship or any such thing.

The foundation cannot be stable because the foundation should always be Jesus Christ and nothing else. We build upon the foundation that Christ has already laid in his word. Any other structure has to come down.Unless the LORD builds a house, its builders labor over it in vain; unless the LORD watches over a city, the watchman stays alert in vain. – Psalms 127:1​This religious person is like the one in the below scripture. 

Having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. – 2 Tim 3:5Run from him. Cut him off. Cut him loose. Flee into another direction. For your own sake, leave him alone.

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