Maintaining Your Joy While Still Waiting on The Lord:
I was at an ALDI walking up to the door as I noticed two young boys. One was holding on to a huge bottle of Hawaiian Punch, and the other a gallon of milk. They looked like they were struggling a bit to hold up their grocery items. As I approached, I said to them, “Yall so strong. Look at you!” Those little kids perked up with smiles on their faces and held their items with vigor and pride as they waited on their mother, who was removing another baby from the cart and getting her quarter back. They felt like little men. That was the two boys, “You got this moment!”
That little story reminds me of how life can be sometimes waiting on the Lord. We can be struggling with our current circumstance—things like loneliness, tiredness, upset, or impatience. We’ve waited. We’ve endured. We’ve even endured much pain, and sometimes we need just a little jolt from someone walking across our path to remind us that we got this.
This actually happened to me this past week. I received a text from a close friend of mine who is currently pregnant. She was complaining about her headaches and how she felt as though she had a bowling ball in her stomach. Thus, she was not getting much sleep. I texted her back to see if there were any exercises that she could do to alleviate the pain. She shared there was, but she had to stop doing them due to the headaches.
She described a time when having a baby did not seem like such a strenuous deal to her when we were back in college together. She said it could be that now that she has not been around others much and isn’t as busy as she was in college; that the isolation is causing her to focus more on the pain.
I responded with a wow! I shared how I’d recently felt isolated and it was causing me to begin to go through again. I shared with her that she was not the only one, but that there were others of my bros and sis’ in Christ who I’ve talked with that were struggling with isolation and pain. I continued to encourage her sharing that at least she knows that at the end of her pain she will have joy. “At the End of This Pain, You Will Have Joy.” I continued to share the above quote as I encouraged her and thought about how her story would end; I was too encouraged to know that I was not alone and that I’d have joy at the end of my waiting on the Lord and enduring painful isolation or feelings of loneliness at times. “A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come, but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. – John 16:21”
“There is an end time set to your pain.” My friend continued to flip how she felt from complaining and focusing on her pain and discomfort to joy. She shared saying, “You know I do feel joy when the baby kicks.” By the end of the conversation, we both were encouraged and feeling like we could handle what life had been throwing our way.
Isn’t that ironic that out of the blue, my friend would text me on a day where I was feeling down, and all of a sudden, we both were encouraged? That was my “You got this!” moment. All it took was a little shift of encouragement to change my thinking from focusing on the pain and loneliness to the fact that God is preparing me to give birth to something in my life that will bring me joy. What are some of the ways God has used others to encourage you during your moments of feeling down and waiting on the Lord?
You got this! You can go on. You can make it until the end. You will see the promises of God come to pass. You got this!
A few years back, I shared a story on how I met a brother at a unisex hair salon, who was pursuing me really hardcore. He was a really nice guy with some affiliation to church and he knew a few scriptures. As we talked, I sought godly counsel among my mentors, as well as the Lord. I asked God what he thought about the guy.
God responded in a dream as he often does, showing me that the brother was dangerous. More specifically, God showed me that he was dangerous because he walked hard after his flesh playing with lust which produced in him unbridled and un-submitted passions to walk after lust. Furthermore, the lust that was in this man begin to come out in conversation with him. Not only that, but the lust caused an inability to commit to pursuing one woman at a time. Thus, while he was in pursuit of me, he was also in pursuit of others.
One of my brothers in the Lord at the time shared how things would only get worse and not better if I were to allow a brother like that access into my life on a more intimate level such as marriage. He was right. Because I was not physical with the brother, I had enough clarity to pay attention to all of these signs and cut him off. Fast-forward a few years later, and he has had his first child. Children are a blessing from God, but there is a way that I would like to have children and that is with my husband. I do not want to volunteer to be a single mother.
Thankfully, I dodged that bullet. That could have been me as a single mom. I could have had a child with this guy who would have only been content to have sex with me and not to love, cover, and protect, or to encourage me in the Lord and life, and finally marry me. By God’s grace and wisdom, I did not have to bite that bullet. What can we learn from the above story? Good choices in who we choose to associate with can save us lots of heartaches.
The scripture teaches us, “bad company corrupts good character.” In other words, we could have been on the right path, but one wrong choice in an association can turn us in a completely different direction. We often teach this to young people, but it applies just as much to adults. Just because we are adults does not mean that we can just do what it is that we want to do. We have to submit to the wisdom of God. Because of my choice to disassociate myself with the brother, I was able to maintain my godly standard. Our intimacy with God is the most important thing that we have.
This is very important because it was my intimate connection with the Lord that revealed things about the brother that I could not yet see. It caused me to be more cautious and for good reason because God said so. I want to interject here that the byproduct of walking in purity is undistracted intimacy with God. That is knowing God on a close level. Thus, I do not practice purity to walk in religious pride and to lord myself above others as if I have it all together.
Nor do I seek to adhere to laws that God has not required to have an appearance of purity like some of my brothers and sisters in Christ do. I’ve experienced brothers and sisters in Christ trying to correct me for complimenting a brother among women on natural things such as attraction or manliness when this is natural affection. Holiness and purity do not require us as women to give up natural affection. It requires us to surrender our affections and passions unto the obedience of Christ. This is a heart posture toward the Lord.
“Who may ascend the mountain of the LORD? Who may stand in his holy place? The one who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not trust in an idol or swear by a false god.“ – Psalms 24:3-4 Keeping our standard up as women of God will be a major battleground to be a successful single woman.
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been attacked by not worldly people, but church folks on maintaining my God-given standard. However, I’ve gotten to the point where I no longer care about those who do not understand my stance. This standard has done what it was supposed to do and that is to keep me from getting involved with the wrong men who do not share my same values and to preserve me for the right man who does share my same values.
I attended a discussion on relationships last night at my church and my pastor shared that the standard that his wife had is what drew him to her. He had never seen that before and he wanted her because of it. In reality, I believe that many sold out Christian men and women want the same thing and that is a place to feel safe, secure, and at rest. When we meet someone who shares our same values it produces that place of security that we have longed for. However, we will not be able to see this within one another unless we maintain our standard.
Godly Counsel is our protection. Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors, there is safety. – Proverbs 11:14 (KJV) Thankfully, I have two older and wiser married women in my life who I can call when I need counsel. As I was developing into a more mature woman, I called one of them quite a bit. However, I appreciate the fact that God gifted me with them to correct me if I am wishy-washy, for example, if I am considering going back to a guy who clearly isn’t good for me because he simply wanted me.
There used to be a time in my life where I was so tired of the rejection that I had to go through as a single woman of God that I’d sometimes consider thoughts of going with whoever pursued me, but of course I could not do that because it was not who I am, and my godly counsel would remind me of that.
The truth is living a life of consecration to the Lord, and desiring to please him in every area of our lives including relationships, can be hard. It can get cold and lonely waiting for someone who shares the same values as us. However, it is all worth it. When we look back and see what God has preserved us from, it should also encourage us to know that he has also preserved us to something as well. That something will be a life-long covenant with someone who has also been set aside by God for His glory. That is what this is all about which is God getting the glory out of our lives. Sometimes, it requires us to go through the bad times, or disappointing times before we reach the good times, but good times are coming.
I had just gotten back from a bomb conference in Atlanta last week where I worshiped God with no limits. I was having a great time. However, before the conference was over I had met two fine brothers. One of them, I had seen before and had small talk with, the other I met for the first time. One of the brothers asked for my number and the other was extra friendly.
The brother who asked for my number was not a participant in the men’s conference, which was going on concurrently with the conference I signed up for. Nor was the brother who asked for my number a vendor at the event. He was at the neighboring hotel where I went for breakfast. Therefore, I shared with him how I felt more comfortable adding him to social media. You know, so I can see what type of stuff he is into from his page and if he is already posting about God before meeting me.
It has been a few days, and the brother has not added me yet on social media, but he does have my card with my information. I could feel myself being tempted to become anxious. You know how it works as a Chi-town girl. I don’t meet very many brothers who are genuinely interested in me, so it is extremely few and far in between when I meet a guy who seems interested.
Because of the lack of guy’s interested, it can easily become a temptation for me to get anxious and nervous when a guy is. It’s almost like I just want something to work out so I won’t have to go through hoping and being let down again. This is where I have to apply the anxiety principal found in the below scripture. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and mind through Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:6-7 Over the last few years, the Lord had been solidifying my trust in him especially as it relates to him supplying the need of a man suitable for me. I have been in a wonderful place of rest and trust in the Lord, and this is where I intend to stay. Anxiety is a thief of rest. Anxiety creeps up on us causing us to make poor choices out of desperation and lack. Anxiety causes us to take our eyes off of Jesus Christ and to place them on our need, lack, emotions or feelings. This is something that we have to be careful of. This is something that we have to continue to give over to God. This is something that we have to combat with prayer. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 (NIV) I can say that by God’s grace, I have not given into anxiety, but through prayer and honesty with God; I remain in a place of rest. Just to recap, the things to do to combat anxiety are:
1.) Give our fears and anxieties over to God in prayer. 2.) Choose not to focus on fear, anxieties, or lack. 3.) Instead, focus on things that are good and that edify. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Philippians 4:8 Everything is in the scriptures right there in Philippians to keep us victorious over anxiety. I flipped those anxious thoughts into positive thoughts really quick thinking to myself that the fact that the gentlemen were interested in me was simply a reminder of how beautiful, desirable, and worthy that I truly am. I am the prize who is worthy of an appropriate suitor’s pursuit, and I rest in the fact that God has the right one for me who will be revealed in due time.
What do you do in times of being tempted to become anxious regarding something God has promised you, yet it has not manifested yet? Please, share in the comments below.
It’s Going to Take Those of A Different Spirit to Go Where Others Aren’t Willing to Allow Themselves to Be Qualified by God to Go Have you ever been in a situation where you had faith to go through some seemingly extra strenuous stuff and others looked at you and said it doesn’t take all of that? Have people tried to dissuade you from going the strait and narrow path that God called you to for an easier path, but you decided to take the seemingly harder way anyway because God was there with you. It truly takes someone of another spirit to push pass the push back and walk strait on into the path and promises of God despite the challenges presented.
Caleb was of a different spirit. Why? Because he was willing to go through the hard things to get to the promise of God. Moses was commanded of the Lord to send out spies to scout the land of Canaan. Canaan was a land that God had promised to his people Israel whom he had just delivered out of the land of Egypt (Numbers 13).
A man from each tribe of Israel was chosen to go out and come back and give a report unto Moses and the people about the land and whether they thought that the Hebrews could possess the land or not. Only one man came back with a positive report stating that they indeed could possess the land. That man’s name was Caleb.
All the others thought it too hard to possess the land God had promised them. They said there are giants in the land. They said the descendants of Esau are in the land. The descendants of Esau were Jacob’s children and Esau and Jacob had beef at one point and time. All of these things mentioned by the eleven spies made it appear impossible to inherit God’s promise of the land of Canaan. This provoked the below response from God. “Surely, they shall not see the land which I swore unto their fathers, neither shall any of them that provoked me see it. But my servant Caleb, because he had another spirit with him, and hath followed me fully, him will I bring into the land where into he went and his seed shall possess it. – Numbers 14:24” Caleb operated out of a spirit of faith. He was settled within himself at what God had done previously and what God could now do. He rested his trust firmly in the Lord. This is what caused him to think differently. While the other Israelites thought on the problem; Caleb thought on his God and his God’s ability. Where is your focus in this moment? Are you someone who is of a different spirit?
There are some who have decided to no longer endure God’s process because it has become too hard in their eyes to trust God despite what the circumstances look like. It was easier to that person to accept a replica of the promise, something that would not present such a challenge as to require faith rather than to go through the pushes and pulls of life that expand our faith and place us at the door of God’s promise.
People who quit the process will tell others it doesn’t take all of that. They will say they don’t need the promised land of milk and honey. A little government cheese will do. They will say like some of the Israelites, let’s go back to Egypt. Let’s go back to bondage. At least then, we knew what to expect.
When those in your life tell you that it doesn’t take all of that; just tell them, you, like Caleb, are of a different spirit. Keep Going!
What seeds are we sowing today that will provide the peace, opportunity, and unity of future generations as it relates to race and ethnicity?
Many may have noticed the increase of racially charged news on all forms of media including social media. Some of the stories floating on social media aren’t true; however, it’s clear that a real problem exists. If the problem that exists is not dealt with; what will it mean for our future generations in this country of America?
For a good while, it seemed that we stood on a somewhat plane of unity based on the work of the many civil rights activists who came before us. These activists were Black and White working together toward a common goal. That goal was freedom and justice for all people. It seemed that after several laws were passed such as the “Civil Rights Act”, “Fair Housing Act”, and “Brown Vs. Board of Education” there was an attempt to live together in unity and understand one another even though all did not personally agree with integration.
Now, with the settling of social media as a norm, and the election of a president who is not ashamed to hold views that cause him to appear racist, there has been an emboldening of racial division. People feel disenfranchised and powerless toward the police, and the melting-pot of racial divide continues to simmer.
What will that simmering bring about? If we aren’t careful to be intentional of the seeds that we so today as it relates to our thinking about race and ethnic relations, it could easily produce something that we aren’t proud of as a nation and a people. The former thinkers and activists always acted intentionally when racial injustice peered it’s ugly head, and the former activists who have had the most impact have always used their faith as a spearhead to guide them through the uncomfortable fields of social activism.
Some examples of those social activists are not as well known as Martin Luther King. Examples include Fannie Lou Hamer, and John Perkins. Mrs. Hamer started out being tricked into sharecropping at 6 years old. After attending an event that shared the importance of voting, she quickly signed up to vote, and because of it was fired from her job. She then faced much domestic terrorism and intimidation as she continued to rally others to vote. She was beaten and thrown in jail, yet she held true to her Christian beliefs that she would not allow the hatred of others to cause her to hate.
John Perkins is still with us today. In 1970 he was ambushed by several police officers, tortured, and threatened, but he also chose not to hate them. Instead, he continued his work in the community spear-headed by his faith. He came up with a 3- R program to deal with rebuilding the community and providing racial reconciliation. His 3 – R program is summed up in Relocation, Reconciliation, and Redistribution. More can be found on his program, and the work that he has done at (https://jvmpf.org/our-history/). The work of social reconciliation and equality is uncomfortable and many choose not to deal with it. Many choose to remain silent altogether, and pretend that it doesn’t exist. That’s like boiling a pot of soup and watching it boil over, and expecting the mess made to clean itself up.
We all have a responsibility in this. Even if it’s as simple as making someone feel welcome of another culture by inviting them into your life and your world. Or it could be as simple as reminding someone of another culture that God loves them. So, I encourage you to find a common ground with someone different than yourself. Talk with them, and understand their stories, and the way that they think. Share your stories, and refuse to be defensive. Keep faith in God’s word practicing forgiveness, love, and wisdom toward all men like the examples in this post. These things can be small steps that lead to bigger ones to appropriately sow seeds that would help to design and create a better future for our children, and those to come. “This blog post is a part of Design Blogger Competition organized by CGTrader”Contest Link: Design Blogger Competition
When a single woman is considering submitting to a man, she should be well acquainted with submission and who is worthy of submission from her relationship with God and other appropriate men in her life.Single women can practice submission through their submission to God. This will show us what to expect in a man based on how Christ treats us. He willingly sacrificed himself to gain us because he loved us. He consistently forbears with us, corrects us and publicly heralds us as his own bride.
We also acknowledge similar traits in men around us. This teaches us as women who to respond to with our submission or not. Remember as single women, our primary role is not to submit to a man as if we are already married, but to be discerning about whether a brother is fit for our future.
Picking up where we left off on last week; below are some additional values we can look for as single women courting, dating, and waiting, for marriage:
Complimentary Purpose: This would note that you have an idea of your purpose and are either operating in it to some degree or working toward operating in it. Purposes should not clash. His purpose does not have to be the exact same, but should not stand in the way of you operating fully in who you are, and fully in your purpose. If a woman has to deny being herself; then most likely it isn’t an appropriate relationship that the woman should include in her future.
Demonstrated Vision for His Life: Where no vision is the people perish. Getting with a brother who has absolutely no vision for his life is like taking a huge risk on an investment known to be unstable. 9 times out of 10 the relationship will not fulfill it’s purpose. It will probably only be based on more trivial things such as attraction and that’s it. Attraction is not enough to keep a relationship together. There has got to be more, and vision for our future isn’t a bad place to start. Clear Understanding of His Role As a Man of God: A husband’s role is clearly spelled out in the book of Ephesians. A man is to love his wife as Christ loves the church. He is supposed to make his wife better by helping to shape her and prune her like Christ does the church. (See, Eph 5:27, and John 15:2). There are additional things such as providing and such, but these are some of the core things that we should be looking for.
A woman should already be secure in walking out her role as a woman in Christ. This is how she will be recognized. Notice Jesus pruned the vine that was already bringing forth fruit. A real man of God is looking for a woman of God who is already operating in her identity in Christ.
Willingness to Work Together: He may have some flaws. Like we as women have flaws such as selfishness, and pride. Is he willing to work on his selfishness? Are you willing to work on your overspending. If the two of you are willing to work at your flaws while showing grace toward one another; there is a strong chance that the relationship can go further.
When we meet a man who exhibits these above traits; we know that eventually when we do get married we will be submitting to this man of God. Let us focus as single women right now more on the fruit then the idea of practicing being a wife and submitting to a man. We will have plenty of time for that later on if we do well with where we are right now.
The question sort of lingers in the back of a single woman’s mind, “Should I as a single woman submit myself to a man?”
A wise woman that I follow on social media named Emily McKnight shared that a single woman should not submit herself to a man in dating because the man is not her husband, and I can understand why.
Many people look at submission through different lenses. You have the men that feel that submission is a woman who does whatever he says to do or who allows herself to be controlled by a man, and there are women who believe the same.
A woman who gets into agreement with the above, and allows a man to control her every move without thinking, discerning, or following the wisdom of God shows a lack of identity.
A woman who lacks identity should not be dating at all. She should be establishing her relationship with God, and identity in God’s word.
For those of us who are ready for a spouse we can ask ourselves the below question.
“Is this man worthy of my submission?”
As single women who may be courting, dating, or waiting for someone appropriate to date, our mindsets should be geared toward the future. We should be asking ourselves if a brother is the type of a brother who we could have a peaceful future with in Christ.
In asking these questions for ourselves, we become fruit inspectors. The Bible says that we will know them by the fruit that they bear. This is the consistent behavior of the men pursuing us. Some of the main things we should be looking at are shared values, similar or complimentary purpose, demonstrated vision for life, and the understanding of a man’s role. With that said, we should be firm in each of the topics listed that we should be looking for in a potential mate.
Shared Values: Shared values are standard beliefs that will not change because they are based off of the word of God, such as a relationship with God, the definition of love, and demonstrated obedience to God.
Having a relationship with God is a given, and obedience to God’s word should be a given, but unfortunately it doesn’t always come with the package for those who identify as believers.
When it comes to the value of real love, many don’t understand the difference of real love from what they view on television. Many think love is an ouh-awe feeling, and when that ouh-awe feeling isn’t felt; many relinquish the ideal that love can be love.
When it comes down to it love is a choice. Love is something that a person has to be intentional at. A person has to make an intentional choice to love truly, and then the ouh-awe feelings will be sparked out of that. What is loving truly? Loving truly is loving patiently, loving without keeping a record of wrong, loving consistently. See 1 Corinthians 13 for what real love is. A person needs to be mature enough to see the value of love as this so that she does not settle for anything less or pass up on this because love was not what she expected.
Be careful with a man who desires to create the ouh-awe feeling through being physical, instead of being sacrificial. Being physical produces a short-lived emotional connection, but loving truly produces a life-long mental, spiritual, and emotional connection. Make sure that the way that you value love and the way that he values love is the same thing.
The couple needs to agree on these very important values and more.
What are some of the values that you have for the man who comes into your life, and brothers what are some of the values that you have for the women that come into your life? Please, share in the comments below.
Stay tuned for next week as we continue to look at majors to be considered when determining if a guy is someone we can one day submit to as future wives in this two part series “The Single Woman & Submission.”
I remember going to one of the pastors at my church asking him to pray for me because I was not getting the response I wanted from a gentleman that I was interested in befriending. and also I had never had a boyfriend before and how weird I felt about being so old having not had a real relationship with a gentlemen. The pastor shared with me that God was probably just hiding me. He shared that sometimes God will hide his singles for his purpose and in order to preserve us for the right one. He said that I should count it a blessing to not have gone through some of the things that others have gone through in relationships.
I felt so much better after praying with the pastor. In our society today, it is awkward how one’s worth can be tied to being in a relationship where if you are in a relationship you are seen as valuable and able to get with someone, and when you are single for long periods of time you are seen as rejected and not able to get with someone.
That type of thinking should not be adopted in the church because God sets people aside for his purpose and God sees those people as hidden treasure. He sees them as a good thing. A thing to be cherished and protected. That is how God sees the women that he has taken the time to mold into godly wise women.
“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD (NIV). – Proverbs 18:22″
This particular scripture is addressed to men. Men are the ones who find wives not women, and they are the ones who will get favor if they decide to look at the woman who has developed into wife-material as a good thing the way that God sees her, and not someone to be used the way that the world sees her.
I agree that it is in a man’s nature to hunt or to pursue a woman and that they feel a sense of pride and self-assurance when they are able to successfully capture that woman, but the question is once that woman is captured what is that man’s intentions with the woman. Is he capturing her to treat her like a whore and go on to the next sexual pursuit or does he intend to treat her like the treasure or good thing that she is.
Treasure is hidden because it is very valuable. Everyone does not know how to treat treasure. Many people see the beauty, glitz and glam of treasure without understanding the work that was put into it. Therefore the treasure has to be hidden until the worth of the treasure is understood, because until then the treasure will be mistreated and squandered as if it is common when it is not. Hence, the scripture “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces (Matthew 7:6, NIV).
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Take the lesson from the story of the prodigal son. The prodigal son was immature or under-developed in the understanding of his inheritance. He begged his father for something that he was not yet ready for. He did not understand the hard work his father put into earning that money and putting it aside so that when his son was mature he could put the inheritance to good use. Instead of putting the inheritance to good use, the prodigal son squandered the money because he did not understand the value of it. Instead of favor he got to himself shame and poverty.
What God is saying to men in Proverbs 18:22 is not to treat his good things as common, but to treat them as the treasure that they are and favor will be obtained by God in the process. God has invested a lot of time training women up to be wise prudent women and he is protective of us and reassures us of our worth again and again in scripture.
Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD (Proverbs 19:14, NIV).
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies (Proverbs 31:1, NIV).
A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands (Proverbs 14:1, N.L.T.)
How does it look for a man to treat a woman like the good thing that she is. If we take a look at Ruth we see the perfect example. First, Boaz was able to recognize her as a good thing. When he recognized her as a good thing, he immediately took steps to marry her. There was someone else before him, who had rights to marry her according to the tradition in that culture, and Boaz went to see if he would, when he said no then Boaz jumped right on it. He realized that he may not see another woman like this in his life-time; therefore, he took the necessary steps to pursue the woman all the way to marriage. He was careful not to place her in a compromising position, telling her to let it not be known that she spent the night with him on the threshing floor. The Bible makes it clear that they did not have sex that night on the threshing floor.
I feel that this Proverbs 18:22 has been unnecessarily taken out of context. Because of the interpretation taught in the church many women feel like their worth comes from a man pursuing them for marriage and if a man isn’t pursing her for marriage her worth is little to nothing at all. That is not true. A woman is a good thing before the man finds her because that woman is made good by God. Her worth is the same before and after marriage.
Many women fall into temptation and get caught up because the men who are pursuing them are only pursing them for sex, and they figure if they can’t get wifed the right way they will try something different, but that is not how it should be.
Women should not be taught to just wait around for a man to approach them to be wifed, but to grow in discernment, wisdom, grace, beauty, character and godliness looking to God to provide the right gentlemen for them who will honor them and treat them like the treasure that they are. That way when they do come into contact with men they will know how to choose wisely.
I am hidden treasure because I am wise. I know how to go in and out, when to speak and when to shut my mouth.
I am hidden treasure because I am a builder. I build others up around me instead of tear them down. I use my time wisely working well with what is in my possession to do. I am intuitive finding out new things that will benefit others around me as well as things that will benefit my future family such as healthy eating recipes, money-saving tips, and all sorts of things. I am an encourager meaning that no one around me will feel that they cannot make it because I will be there to build them up when it is in my power to do so. With God I can do anything; therefore, I will encourage others to believe the same about themselves.
I am hidden treasure because my husband will be able to have a place of peace and comfort where he can find pleasure, love, wisdom and respect without having to worry about me sleeping with other men or giving him an STD.
I am hidden treasure because I know who I am in Christ, and I belong to God. Women should be learning how to be wise women, learning how to be builders, how to use their time wisely looking to God who protects us and not to men. Women should be encouraged to use discernment when talking to these men that approach them knowing their worth and that they are not to entertain every man who comes their way. The Bible says to “Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge” (Proverbs 14:7, KJV).
Lastly, Proverbs 18:22 is not meant to place women in bondage saying that we cannot show interest in a man, or converse with a man. It all depends on the wisdom for each specific situation. Some situations may require that you say nothing or do nothing, while others may require that you make your interest known. We have to know how to move in every situation. We see that Ruth showed interest in Boaz after getting wisdom from someone who knew better.
Many people will argue that Boaz showed interest in Ruth first, but according to the scriptures, I see a close relative of Ruth’s mother-in-law being nice to his relatives’ relative and also being a professional business man. Ruth was a new face gleaning in his field. He wanted to make sure she was protected from any men who may try to take advantage of her. He didn’t want a sexual harassment case. He invited her to lunch with other workers, it wasn’t just him and Ruth alone, and the Bible says that she set with the other reapers in the field when they went to lunch. This treatment is not clear that Boaz was interested in Ruth for marriage. It is clear that he is a nice gentlemen who fears God. Women have to be careful not to read too much into men becoming presumptuous about their actions.
Ruth chose to show interest in Boaz for marriage in an unassuming way and that is the correct way to deal with a man if interest must be shown. What I mean by unassuming is that is that Boaz could not take away from her approach that she was a silly woman only looking for a get-down time, a Jezebel woman looking to coerce her way into a marriage with him, but a wise woman looking to be valued as a wife.
The way that Ruth showed interest in Boaz was common in that culture for a woman to show interest in a man by uncovering his feet and lying down (Archaeological study Bible, Pg. 387). When dealing with men, women just need to have wisdom. I have four brothers, my dad and two male cousins that I am close with. So, I know a thing or two about men. Men do not like to feel or appear to be belittled. It’s a part of their nature, and the Bible says for a woman not to usurp authority over a man (1 Timothy 2:12). That basically means that a woman should be able to deal with a man in such a way as not to strip him of the authority given to him by God as the head.
After a woman shows interest or as she interacts with a man, the man still needs to be able to take the lead as the head. If he isn’t able to, then either the woman is out of place taking on that role herself or the man doesn’t know who he is and should be left alone until he grows and matures. However, there is no hard evidence in the Bible that says a woman should not show interest in a man. That is my take on Proverbs 18:22 along with the fact that the take away for women should be that we are treasures or good things and men need to see us as such in order to be our husbands.
What are the character traits about you that make you hidden treasure? Are there things that you need to work on? What is your take on Proverbs 18:22?
The Importance of Marrying in Christ and the Additional Death If We Do Not Marry In Christ:
IT WAS NEVER GOD’S WILL FOR US TO MARRY INTO BONDAGE, BUT TO MARRY INTO THE ADVANCEMENT OF HIS KINGDOM.
We began this series speaking about the importance of trusting in our husbands while submitting to their lead even in times where they do not express surety in how they are leading. Well, that isn’t such a bad situation for the woman who marries a man who is already following Christ because a man who is already following Christ can be corrected by God when he is wrong.
Thus, the whole family is covered because both the wife and the husband are committed to the Lord. However, when only the wife is saved this will be a greater challenge. It becomes a gut wrenching difficulty to submit to a man who is not a man of God. We do not have to allow ourselves to go through that additional pain if we choose well. This is why it is so important as single women of God to develop our relationships with God allowing him to mature us and to lead us in our decisions by his word. You see, the Bible does not say for a woman to submit to her husband only if her husband is saved and submitted to the Lord. It says that she should simply submit to her husband, and the couple that is married with one spouse being unsaved; the saved partner covers the unsaved partner.
For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is , they are holy. 1 Corinthians 7:13-14 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. 1 Peter 3:1-2
The above scripture implies that the wife’s job will be to humble herself being an example of Christ to her husband when she is saved and the husband is not. Depending on how far her husband is away from the knowledge of God; this can be very difficult. Marriage already has a way of humbling two people, but being married to someone who is not in Christ or perhaps only walking by a religious spirit; will be all the more difficult. It’s almost like dying an additional death to yourself each day. Your ministry becomes being a light to your partner so that he can be convicted and drawn to Christ. Whereas, if this same woman in this scripture would have waited for a man who was already saved and submitted to God; her ministry would be based around advancing the kingdom of God along with her husband who is like-minded.
PURPOSES SHIFT WHEN WE MARRY OUTSIDE OF CHRIST.
And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 1 Corinthians 7:13
Just because the situation is difficult doesn’t mean that the wife should divorce her husband. This is why single ladies must count up the cost. Are you willing to humble yourself and endure your husband not operating as one submitted to the Lord? Are you willing to submit to the way that he operates out of fear for God.
Are you willing to take the disappointment that may come from this and forgive again and again, and submit again and again. We have to count up the cost, and realize that if we are spiritually mature in Christ, it would be idea, easier, and more appropriate to marry a man who is spiritually mature in Christ. If we do so, we’d be able to move more as a unit fulfilling and advancing in the purpose that Christ has put us together for.
However, if two people are together that do not agree; they will have to do a lot of work to bring up the unlearned person before the plan of God can be considered. God’s plan in that situation is for them to get their house in order. Ladies, you make the choice. In either situation, it is a big responsibility to trust in our husbands and submit to their lead when we do not want to; but it is easier done when we marry a man who is already in Christ and submitted to godly authority. This man will not be perfect, but he will be submitted to the Lord and that makes all the difference. Perhaps, if you are a woman considering marrying an unsaved man or a man who isn’t submitted to authority; you should talk with another older woman who has done so. I have been blessed with a first class seat on what married life is like being married to a man not submitted to God and godly authority. It is a heavy emotional roller coaster. It is one that can be avoided through practicing patience, wisdom, and trust in God.
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14
SUBMISSION DONE GOD’S WAY IS A PLACE OF SAFETY. SUBMISSION DONE ACCORDING TO THE WORLD IS BONDAGE.
A Modern Day Example of a Test of Submission in a Marriage Relationship: Let’s take the below scenario as an example of how a woman can apply this principle in marriage. Remember we want a husband who is submitted to the Lord already and this will minimize disagreements. However, let’s say a woman’s husband picks up a gambling habit during the marriage.
He has been spending a few hundred at the boat, and has gotten somewhat addicted. Now, he plans to take the family’s next paycheck and gamble the whole check away to win the money back that he lost. What should the wife do according to the principle discussed in this series? What would you do? a.) Budget the money, and suggest that he takes the extra $300 left over to gamble with.
b.) The husband refuses to use the extra left over money, and insists on using the whole check. Therefore, you submit to him in this, and go to your prayer closet and pray that God changes his heart.
c.) Worry, and pull your hair out. Try nagging, and belittling him because he is a man and should take care of his family. Trusting in God to take care of the family while trusting the husband in this case would be extremely difficult. I believe to choose (a) is wisdom, and if the man resists the woman has no choice, but to choose (b). If her husband is truly a man of God who is submitted to God; he will be corrected through the conviction of the Holy Ghost or God will send someone else to correct him. If he is not a true man of God who is submitted to the Lord; The wife will have problems. She is basically on her own, and will be forced to cover the mortgage herself. This is the reason why the Bible teaches us not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers because we will always be going in different directions.
What would you do in this situation? Which path would you choose? Answer in the poll below.
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