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She Was A Virgin & He Was Not:

When a Man Loves A Woman, He is Willing to Do Whatever is Necessary to Win Her:

Sometimes, men are presented with a challenge when they are used to doing dating and relationships in a familiar way that has seemed to work in the past, but suddenly it does not work anymore.

The man who has met a match in the form of a woman that he is really interested in, yet feels unready to lead that woman properly in a way that she would respect, but most of all God would respect, will do what is necessary to meet that standard if he really wants to be with that woman. He will allow himself to go through the process necessary to ready himself to go get that girl. That’s exactly what the below gentleman did.

I’m speaking of a couple who appeared on the new Own series, “Black Love.” Edwina Findley Dickerson, and Kelvin Dickerson. They share a very awesome and interesting story in episode 3 of the beginning of their courtship they broke off and mended prior to marriage.

Edwina was in prayer, and God spoke to her sharing that Kelvin is praying about pursuing her. Not long after her encounter, Kelvin came to her sharing that he prayed about dating her, but God said no.

They continued as friends until Kelvin shared that he felt she deserved more. He was at a point in his life where he was not sure if he could wait to have sex until marriage. Edwina held strong beliefs of celibacy and would not budge. After the communication waned for some time, Edwina prepared to move to Los Angeles from New York.

During this time, her friends threw her a surprise going away party and invited Kelvin. They reconnected and became a couple again. A few years after their re-acquaintance, they got married.

Kelvin shared some pointers stating that as a man who has grown and matured, he has learned that he can control his desires, and if he can control his sexual desires as a single man; he can also control them as a married man.

He overcame the fear of not being enough for her by allowing himself the time and space to grow with God. God showed him that he had more power than he thought he had within him. He is walking in his identity as a king with a beautiful queen.

This story encouraged me to continue to trust God. Even if things don’t appear to be working out initially, God knows how to work situations in our favor. He knows how to prepare us to bring us to what he has for us.

Finally, Edwina shared an awesome thought stating that when you are whole and complete enjoying your life as a single; you will do the same thing as a married person. Despite the waiting and seeming disappointment; she held her head and continued on to live her life, and she was blessed during the process as well as in the end.

We do not have to become discouraged as single women of God, and if we do, we do not have to stay there. We can continue to hide in Christ and enjoy our lives. To the men of God who do not feel ready, who may not have been serious about obeying God in saving sex for marriage.

It is not impossible. You do not have to be afraid to pursue a woman who has a godly standard. Just allow yourself to be perfected in that area like Kelvin so you will be readied to handle that responsibility and much more.

Singleness is largely a preparation ground for marriage for those who choose to be married. How are you currently spending your singleness? Are you a serial dater going from person to person or are you someone who is spending ample enough time with God alone to allow him to make and mold you for the desire of marriage he has placed in your heart?

Watch a clip from the series below and check out the full episodes on the Own Network:

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How to Respond to Racism and The New Jim Crow – Part II

Don’t allow hate to pull you down to its level. Instead, allow it to refine you as a person.

I see racism as an anti-love trap. It not only affects the victim targeted by it but probably more potently, it victimizes the one who perpetrates it.  Don’t allow racism to become your problem turning you into a bitter and hate-filled person. You have a choice as to how you will respond. If we become like those who practice hate then Satan has won and accomplished his goal.

Racism, like all opposition, can be a tool utilized to refine those who are its targets. It can make us more patient, kind, sharp, and enduring. If we stand in wisdom, discipline, wise movement, and love then Satan’s plan becomes defeated and the fool who perpetrates racism has the opportunity to see another view and possibly become humbled to the point of change.

“As you press on for justice, be sure to move with dignity and discipline, using only the weapon of love. Let no man pull you so low as to hate him. Always avoid violence. If you succumb to the temptation of using violence in your struggle, unborn generations will be the recipients of a long and desolate night of bitterness, and your chief legacy to the future will be an endless reign of meaningless chaos.” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (1956)

“Hate begets hate; violence begets violence; toughness begets a greater toughness. We must meet the forces of hate with the power of love.” – Dr. Martin Luther Kingd, Jr. (1958)

Realize where racism comes from

Of course, it comes from greed, but it also comes from fear. There would be no need to be so strategic to overthrow a person or group of people if the ruling party was secure within themselves. There is an insecurity felt by those who practice racism that is covered by a spirit of pride and false superiority. If African-Americans were not seen as a threat; there would be no racism against us.

Thus, racism has nothing to do with Blacks being inferior, but with those who aren’t secure enough within themselves to just live, love, and support everyone. With this understanding, we do not have to take racism personally, but we can pray for those who are bound by racism.

We can not only pray but join movements that strategically put things into practice that would dismantle racist systems such as mass incarceration. Some movements to look into can be found at this link: http://newjimcrow.com/take-action

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The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Color Blindness (Book Review)

The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Color Blindness

Michelle Alexander is the brave author who so carefully authored this work. I believe she had in mind as her audience all Americans despite their ethnic affiliation to prove that many of the things we’ve heard for years relating to institutional racism targeted at African-Americans are not just hearsay, but true and needs to be addressed.

She specifically addresses what she calls a new caste system, yet it is an underclass. The underclass that she speaks of legally discriminates against its caste members in the areas of housing, voting, career choice, and job security. These are all of the basic things needed to survive as a naturally productive citizen. Those who abide in this caste system find it challenging to break the negative cycles when not given other opportunities.

The parameters set around those who live in “The New Jim Crow” system are very similar to those set during the Jim Crow period in America. The caste system disproportionately affects African-American Men. Alexander goes into detail on how the “War on Drugs” was specifically set up to fill prisons with African-American males and thus assign them to the new caste system for the rest of their lives.

“Drug offenses alone account for two-thirds of the rise in the federal inmate population and more than half a million people are in prison or jail for a drug offense today, compared to an estimated 41,100 in 1980–an increase of 1,100 percent (Pg 60.)”

“Nothing has contributed more to the systematic mass incarceration of people of color in the United States than the War on Drugs.”

This would not be such a problem if Afro-Americans were just bad people who did drugs all of the time. However, the studies show that Blacks are not more likely to do drugs than Whites and that Whites and Blacks often do drugs at similar rates. So, why have Afro-Americans been affected so sharply by the “War on Drugs?”

The answer is that the laws have been written and enforced to be harsher when targeted to Afro-Americans. According to the book, more Whites use cocaine while more Blacks use crack due to the price. Those carrying 5 grams of crack were given a 5-year minimum sentence. While those carrying the same amount of cocaine, the same drug in a powder form, were given no minimum sentences.

The use of color-blindness or not making obvious that the laws are geared toward a specific ethnic group are what give the laws the power to continue to operate and to enslave Black males in the judicial system without suspect. This is what we define as institutional racism–Racism that is targeted to a group of people based on race without being easily suspect.

This is just one example of institutional racism in the criminal justice system. There have been many systems in this country that have implored and still do use institutional racism to oppress one group of people and uplift another. One of the most current examples would be the new requirements that Trump set out for immigrants to get a Visa. They have to take a test scoring a particular amount in I believe 3-4 different areas.

The areas required for them to score high in, make it nearly impossible for them to pass the test. This way the U.S. Does not have to say, “we don’t want you here because you are Hispanic or Arab.” They can simply say, “You just did not pass the test. You just did not meet the qualifications.” No one would suspect racism because of this, but it is another example of institutional racism. Also, out of the war on drugs, came more racial profiling and even grants given to municipal police departments for meeting drug arrest quotas, which were once again targeted at African Americans.

The book also addressed the awkward tightrope that Black leaders of influence have to walk. It was stated that Black leaders of influence have a lot at stake because they have to please the system that put them there and attempt to please their people in such a way that would not offend the already established system and get them totally booted out. I guess the below example would be a clear reflection of that argument.

In 2010, President Obama made the ratio for crack and cocaine 18:1. In other words, a person found carrying cocaine could now be sentenced for having 18% as much cocaine as someone found carrying crack instead of 100% as much. Even though the new ratio is better, it is still disproportionate.

White People and Black People should pay the same restitution for the same crimes. Grace should not only be shown to Whites but Blacks as well. The argument is waged that if White males filled the prisons due to drug laws the way that Black males have; the prison system would have been reformed.

Mass incarceration in this country, as well as some of the drug laws, re-enforce negative stereotypes about people of color namely Afro-American males. The color-blindness comes in because none of the laws address a particular Ethnic group per se, but the laws are specifically targeted to a specific ethnic group.

The book although, it gives a lot of information about the War on Drugs; covers a history of indentured slavery, chattel slavery, and the loss of manufacturing jobs that affected the stability of both Blacks and Whites. The use of racism is stated in the book as a tool to divide the working poor, so that poor Whites would see an advantage over poor Blacks through the idea of White superiority. The book is a compassionate look at our criminal justice system, stereotypes about African-American males, and various arguments.

Next week, we will address how to respond to racism, and what can be done to address mass incarceration and other racially motivated unjust systems.

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Journey to 30: A Single Woman’s Guide to Living Unapologetically… (Book Review)

Journey to 30 is a book written by a brave young lady, Tatianah Green, who has been growing by leaps and bounds. Instead of holding to the negative stereotypes that plague women as we approach the age of thirty; She has chosen to shift perspectives from worldly expectations that only lead to frustration to God’s expectations that lead to security in Christ and fulfillment in God’s timing, purpose, and plan for our lives.

The book covers some of her personal journey up to the age of 30, and it also includes the interviews of 10 women in the book with one of the interviews including myself. My section discusses our relationship with God which is the foundation of who we are. I even share a story in the book about how thoughtful God is of us.

One day when I was going through in my mind and emotions wondering and asking God if I was doing something wrong because of the pain and trials I was experiencing as a single woman; my mentor called me right in the middle of the questioning, and without me mentioning what was going on she said to me, “ no, you are not doing anything wrong.” She encouraged me to stand firm in what God had given me even though things did not manifest for me yet.

Standing firm, bold, and unapologetically is just what  the book encourages single women to do. It encourages us not to be swayed by our personal clocks and timelines, but to trust in the Lord. It shares advice and testimony of women who have been sexually active, and decided to obey God and begin waiting, and what that looks like.

It even shares wisdom on taking care of ourselves physically, emotionally, and financially. The part that stood out to me the most was the interview with Felicia Houston. Felicia Houston is the owner of Anointed Wives Ministry. She shared how she was waiting into her thirties for her spouse. She spoke of the pressure that she felt from others questioning why no one courted or asked to marry her yet. She said she had to question where is this pressure coming from and why is it important.

She continued to stay focused, and wait on God and at age 34 she was blessed with a spouse. She shared wisdom of having proper expectations of marriage, and to hang around some married people to know what to expect. She had even taken a marriage prep class while she was super single so she would know what to expect. It made her more patient to wait for the right one. She realized that she was still selfish and unready for marriage.

I feel this book is a perfect answer to our generation as things are expected to happen so fast. Things that we expect right away such as the career, spouse, perfect business, house, or bank account. We often avoid the process and the nuggets of wisdom that we learn in the process. This book will help to settle that fast-paced impatient spirit that so often disappoints heavily when dreams aren’t realized in the expected time. This book will help to appreciate every part of the journey to 30 and beyond. It’s a journey to be enjoyed, not a race to be over and won or lost. Find out more about the Journey to 30 at Amazon. You can also follow Tatianah Green’s Blog BLISS (Black Love & Inspiration For Saved Singles)

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Maintaining Humility & Thankfulness For Salvation:

Truths to Combat the Religious Spirit of Pride as it Relates to Salvation:

If anyone knows me, they know that I love to have a good conversation with others who share similar interests. Over the weekend, I was blessed to hang with some of my sisters in Christ. We attended a conference and went to lunch afterward. We sparked up a conversation about God’s grace which put me in the mind of some of the below tenants of the gospel that we must know if we are to be firmly rooted in Jesus Christ.

The nature of man-kind outside of Christ is sin:
In the beginning, God made the different creatures in creation with the command that every living thing was to produce after its own kind. That means that birds produce birds, cats produce cats, fish produce fish, and man-kind produces man-kind. We cannot deviate from the nature of our own kind.

However, because of the sin of Adam; the nature of man-kind has been subjected to sin. Thus, those born in the blood-line of Adam must die. Die to what? We are required to die to our sinful nature from the bloodline of Adam, and take on a new nature in Christ Jesus, who is called the last Adam.

Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord. – Romans 6:11

This reckoning is a mindset or way of thinking. It is no longer depending on the old way of doing things which is the natural sinful way, but on Jesus Christ whom we have been awakened unto. Again, coinciding with the sinful nature of man is the carnal mind which the Bible says is not subject to the laws of God neither can it be (Romans 8:7 ).

Other scriptures speak of the wickedness of the heart of man:

For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what defile a person, but eating with unwashed hands does not defile them. – Matthew 15:19-20

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? – Jeremiah 17:9

We cannot escape the above sin nature outside of Christ. We cannot wholly according to the standard of God do good works outside of Christ. All of this is done in Christ. We renew our minds in Christ by the washing of the water of God’s word (Ephesians 5:26).

The spirit of religion seeks to eliminate the need for Christ:
The only way to avoid fulfilling the works of the flesh is for us to walk in the Spirit of Christ, also known as the Holy Spirit. This is a daily process. It’s a process of consistent surrender to Christ and his word. We have to daily die to old ways of thinking to live unto Christ and to manifest the life of Christ to others. We do this again by renewing our minds with the Word of God in music, preaching, teaching, personal reading and study of God’s word.

For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. – 2 Corinthians 4:11

So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. – Galatians 5:16

However, the spirit of religion which is rooted in pride and self-righteousness does not acknowledge Christ in that way. The spirit of religion seeks to eliminate the need for Christ. This is what the Pharisees and Sadducees did when Jesus walked the earth with them. They accused Jesus and his authority because they felt that their good works made them more qualified. They felt that they did not need Christ.

We know that we are being tempted to walk in a spirit of religion when we focus more on our works and our track record than Jesus Christ and his word.

This spirit of religion often operates in a spirit of pride and self-righteousness
It is easy to walk in pride after we have been saved for a while. We can easily forget that our righteousness is not of ourselves, but of Christ. At that point, we can begin to dishonor God’s grace.

We can dishonor God’s grace by rejecting it as our keeping power as if we keep ourselves from sin or we can choose to dishonor God’s grace by practicing sin expecting God to simply turn a blind eye toward our sin.

As Christians, we do have to make a choice to follow and obey God, but the opportunity to do so along with the empowerment to do so does not come aside from Jesus Christ.

God’s word says, “But as many as received him, to them gave he the power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name. – John 1:12

Jesus extends his grace to us so that we can believe in him. Once, we believe he empowers us to become his sons. This son-ship is a position from which we see ourselves as his. We no longer walk in fear of having to be perfect or of making honest mistakes, but we trust God’s word when it says if we sin we have an advocate with the father and he is faithful and just to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 2:1).  We trust that God is for us and we submit our wills to him in obedience knowing that he will empower us to do what we naturally cannot do.

This follows the same pattern that Ephesians speaks of when it says that salvation is through faith by grace so that no one would be able to boast. Because of this, there should be no boasting regarding salvation outside of giving glory to God. This salvation thing is through no goodness of our own. If we look at the Jews in the old testament, they got this part wrong after a while too. Many Jewish people thought that God chose them because they were somehow better than others, but the Bible clearly states that God chose Israel because they were small and needed to depend on him. In doing so, God would use the Jews to reveal himself to all man-kind. He also chose them because he loved them. 

This is much like how God saved us because he loves us. You know John 3:16. Whenever we forget that we are saved because of God’s goodness and grace; God is faithful enough to remind us by allowing circumstances that humble us and bring us to dependence on Christ. God uses everything to work together for our good.
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We as believers are faced with the challenge of holding the right perspective and heart posture regarding this: The correct heart posture, I believe, would be the posture of thankfulness and humility knowing that without Jesus Christ we are nothing. To God be the glory!

[1] For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive. 1 Corinthians 15:22
[1] Because the mind of the flesh is hostile to God: It does not submit to God’s Law, nor can it do so. – Romans 8:7
[1] The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” – Romans 8:15
[1] The Lord did not love you and choose you because you were greater in number than any of the other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples. 8 But because the Lord loves you and is keeping the oath which He swore to your fathers, the Lord has brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed (bought) you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt. – Deuteronomy 7:7-8

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The Idea of Becoming Good Enough to Obtain a Spouse:

Aren’t you tired of all of the singles advice that tells women what is wrong with them instead of what is right with them? It’s almost fostered an attitude within several single women to make their goal perfection in order to be good enough to obtain a spouse.

I’ve noticed some of my sisters in Christ chasing one idea after the next to try to become good enough, whole enough, and perfect enough to have a husband. I genuinely do not believe this is the will of God. I believe this fosters a spirit of control and lack of trust in God.

Those who are viewed as experts are imperfect themselves. We are all actually imperfect, but we live for a God who loves us perfectly. Thus, his grace enables us to have what sometimes we feel we aren’t worthy to attain. God does require maturity of us to handle various things he has promised to us.

The maturity required will naturally come through abiding in Christ. When we abide in Christ, we do not seek him for what he can give us, but for who he is. Abiding in Christ requires seeking him through reading his word consistently, praying, fasting, and becoming sensitive to his voice.
His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 2 Peter 1:3
I want to deflate the false idea in which I believe is a clear distraction from the enemy to make us feel as if we aren’t good enough, and once we become good enough then we can have a husband. No one receives a husband because they are good enough. All that we receive is by God’s grace through faith. This means that we cannot work for it.

We can, however, be positioned for our spouses. We are positioned for our spouses along with all of the promises of God through viewing ourselves the way God views us, responding to how God views us with love and genuine worship for him and remaining in him.

Viewing Ourselves The Way God Views Us:
We cannot work for the right to be loved. If that were the case, the love would not be genuine, but a contractual agreement. God’s word affirms that we are fully accepted and fully loved in Christ. God’s word affirms that we are worthy of the ultimate love which was manifest through Jesus Christ who loved us so much that he gave his life for us (John 3:16).
To the praise of the glory of His grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved. – Ephesians 1:6 (KJV)
Similarly, we should not have to work for our husbands to love us. Our husbands should follow along the same lines of how Christ loves us, and that is unconditionally with our imperfections and all. Keeping this view before our eyes should dissolve every fear that says we aren’t worthy of love. As a matter of fact, God loved us while we were yet sinners, imperfect, and not having everything together.

Responding to God’s View of Us With Genuine Worship
We should have a genuine relationship with God, not based off of what we can get from him, such as a husband. Instead, we should live a life of genuine worship and intimacy with God in response to his love for us.
In view of God’s great mercy, I urge you, brothers and sisters, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Romans 12:1 (NIV)
Growing in the Grace & Knowledge of Jesus Christ Makes Us Mature & Able to Handle More:
Some stuff we can learn in a book, from a person, and so on, but other things we are going to have to go through and learn through remaining in Christ and allowing him to prune us. We don’t get pruned because we read the latest book, or went to the latest seminar.

We get pruned simply through abiding in Christ. Abiding in Christ is not trying to be perfect, it’s not trying to get it right every time, or trying to pattern our lives after the last girl who got her husband because she did steps 1, 2, and 3.

It’s simply abiding in him. It’s seeking him for no reason. It’s being careful to fear him, and to please him because we’ve learned to love him not for what he could give us, but simply because we’ve tasted and seen that he is good.

The idea of running after becoming some perfect woman to meet a perfect man has become an idol in the body of Christ. It has robbed many women of their rest in Christ. We can only receive the promises of God when we are resting our faith in God.

Let’s focus on running after God, and when we run after him we will become what we ought to be not just for marriage, but for every area of our lives. God’s glory should be made manifest in every area of our lives as singles and one day as married people.

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Let’s Count Our Blessings!

My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. – James 1:2-4

The above scripture reminds us to count our blessings when going through not one, or two temptations, but many temptations, tests, and tribulations. Have you ever been in a season of many temptations?

If you have then you know it’s easy to have a wrong mindset. It’s way too easy to compare ourselves to others with a woe is me attitude instead of an attitude of gratefulness or thankfulness. Well, I am glad that the Word of God gives us one of the greatest tips that cause us to maintain the right perspective. That tip is to count our blessings. It’s to maintain a spirit and a mouth full of thankfulness.

Focusing on the goodness of God in our lives, and thanking God for what he has already done helps us to focus on God and to take our eyes off of our problems, tribulations, and temptations. Below, I list a few things that I am so thoroughly thankful for:

I’m thankful that I have more support to walk with me in seeking to honor God in my singleness!

This girl has been single for a long time. All during that time, I’ve had to be intentional about allowing into my inner circle those who were pursuing the Lord and the things of the Lord.

There have been seasons where it’s been harder than others to have someone encourage me to stay the course God has called me to. Now, I seem to have more people in my life encouraging me in that and it’s awesome. It has taken some of the stress away from feeling awkward and alone. I got a whole awkward crew to ride with because living for Jesus is awkward to some. We are a peculiar people.

I’m thankful that my mindset is not the same as it used to be!

I will admit that I’ve been that girl who has struggled with wrong thinking at times. More specifically because I had gone long periods of time without having a boyfriend or anyone I felt was worth going out with; I used to struggle hardcore with believing that I was worth being sought after, courted, and pursued. God allowed me to see that I am worth it, not just by faith, but by action. However, even then the one I thought was worthy of me and allowed to pursue me just wasn’t ready. It confirmed what I knew to be true, and that is I had been single all of this time because God was protecting me. He was not holding something back from me because I did not deserve it or because I am not good enough for it. I am thankful to have the right mindset.

I’m thankful I am not in the same place!

I am thankful that I am not in the same place as far as my thinking. Now that I have gotten several of my wrong perspectives corrected, I walk from a new and more solidified position of boldness in Christ Jesus. I am thankful that God used the trials of this life to correct my thinking and to make me stronger. There are so many women who stay in cycles of wrong thinking and because of that operate from a low-level of self-image. The low level of self-image causes these women to make the same poor choices over and over again, but the Lord has preserved me, and I am truly thankful.

I am thankful for rest!

Sometimes, we fell to realize that while God is doing great work in us through the trials and tribulations of life that there is a season of rest that takes place afterward. Just like in the natural when we go for a surgery or procedure. There is a season of rest for healing to fully take place. This is a place that God desires for us to reside in, and it is a place that I can say that I enjoy.

It doesn’t mean that life circumstances will not come up against me. It just means those circumstances cannot have my peace, nor my Biblical and sound perspective. I am thankful that I abide in a place of rest, and thus I can make healthy decisions from a place of rest.

I am thankful to still have a healthy expectation in the Lord after all I have been through!

Many give up on the Lord after not seeing things take place that they have wanted or expected within a certain time-frame. However, I’ve been blessed to desire the Lord above what he can give me. As a matter of fact, the things that I desire from him are a by-product of my intimate relationship with him. It was not my idea to desire to be married, but his:

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. – Psalms 37:4

I was just a regular girl with regular desires. I wanted a boyfriend when I was younger just for fun like others. I had no desire to live a consecrated life to the Lord for his glory. Neither would I have signed up for this on my own knowing the attacks that I would face, but God placed the desire within me as a result of seeking the Lord and delighting in him.

God chose to save me, and he sowed seeds of the Word of God into my heart. These seeds caused me to desire to seek him. As I sought him he began to place a desire in me more and more for his will. Because the Lord started this good work in me; I trust him to finish it (Philippians 1:6). Therefore I rest my expectation in the Lord. I am thoroughly impressed with what the Lord has done thus far and have an expectation for what he will continue to accomplish. I’m counting my blessings!

What are some of the things that God has done in your life? What are some blessings that you can begin to thank God for that will re-position your focus on the Goodness of The Lord rather than life circumstances? Please, feel free to share.

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Don’t Stop Seeking The Lord

This is an admonition to myself as much as anyone else. It is in our nature to stray away from seeking God when things are going well. There is a clear example seen in the life of King Asa. Asa was a king of Judah. He was one that God said did right in the eyes of the Lord.
 
He had been zealous for the Lord tearing down Asherah poles (poles representing a false god), and other places of idol worship during his time. He was so zealous that he even demoted his grandmother because she still worshipped Asherah, and he decreed it the law of the land that all residents of Judah were to worship the Lord the true and living God.
 
Because of his devout heart toward seeking the Lord, God gave him rest from all of his enemies for 35 years. For 35 years he did not have to fight any wars. However, during the 36th year, the Israelite army begin to prepare to go to war against Asa.
 
Asa, at that point, made an agreement with an army who became his ally. The agreement with the allying army caused the Israelite army to back off. After all of this had taken place, a prophet named Hanani came to Asa with the below message.

“Because you relied on the king of Aram and not on the Lord your God, the army of the king of Aram has escaped from your hand. Were not the Cushites and Libyans a mighty army with great numbers of chariots and horsemen? Yet when you relied on the Lord, he delivered them into your hand. For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. You have done a foolish thing, and from now on you will be at war.” –  2 Chronicles 16:7-9 

Asa became so angry at the prophet that he placed him in jail. According to the word of the Lord he had to endure war throughout the remaining of his reign. He also ended up with a foot disease.

What is the point of this all? The point is that we need to remember to seek the Lord. We need to be consistently in the practice of seeking the Lord first. This should be our daily habit. Asa had an extensive time-frame where everything was going well, and somehow that time frame tempted him not to seek the Lord anymore.

Once, he became content not seeking the Lord he started to exhibit traits that were not in line with the Lord such as jailing a prophet for speaking God’s heart. The more we seek the Lord, the more we become like him and exhibit his characteristics rather than our own fleshly characteristics.

The opposite becomes true when we do not seek the Lord. We in turn exhibit ungodly and worldly characteristics.  We need to be careful not to walk in pride and simply ride the tide of good times with the Lord, but we need to remember to maintain a consistency of seeking God. In doing so, we will be well equipped for those bad times that sometimes catch us by surprise. We will also continue to make room in our lives to continually see the glory of the Lord displayed within our lives personally. That is what God wanted to do with King Asa, and that is what God wants to do with us.

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The Intimidation of A Woman of Standard:

An Honest Conversation on the Intimidation of a Woman of Standard

Recently, I watched the season finale of “Growing Up Hip-Hop.” It is a show starring Romeo Miller, Master P’s son, Angela Simmons, Reverend Run’s daughter, and many other music industry young
people.
 
It was interesting to watch the development of Angela, who represented abstinence until marriage for a while until meeting a man that she became engaged to and had her first child with. One could only wonder if all of the pressure that a woman of standard deals with got to Angela influencing her
decision to go ahead and give in.
 
The season finale of Season 3 showed Little Bow Wow, who Angela had some sort of dating
​relationship with in the past. He asked Angela questions alluding to the idea that he believed she was settling with her current fiance’.
 
Could Bow Wow’s thought be true? Could Angela have been influenced by the pressure that often
causes fears and poor choices to come to the surface in a woman of standard? Just in case my readers are dealing with similar issues, I’ve compiled a brief list of things women of standard deal with and
​how to handle them properly while we go through them.
 
Fear of Being Alone:
 
One of the fears that women of God deal with is the fear of being alone. Women of standard often
hear things like what Bow Wow shared with Angela on their reunion lunch. He used an analogy
​telling her that he always used to tell her when they talked in the past that she needed to open her
FedEx box. How many women of standard have heard the same things, and felt that it could possibly be true after being passed up and looked over so many times because of not giving it up.
 
I would encourage those women to change their perspectives and to view the men passing them up as protection from God instead of rejection because of God’s standard in their lives. A woman in those
​shoes allows herself to be preserved for a man who will honor and respect her for her standard instead of put her down for it.

The Challenge of a Woman of Standard is Too Much for Some Men:
Bow Wow went on to share with Angela that no one would want to marry her without sampling her
FedEx box. He went on saying, “that stuff is hard not having sex until marriage.” It isn’t something
that many men can fathom themselves complying with for any length of time to pursue a girl and get the goods later after marriage. It makes some men feel as though they have to be perfect, serious,
devout, and if they are not then it isn’t worth trying. So, the girl again gets passed up.

This is where women of standard have to continue to stand unwavering because her standard is taking her somewhere. Her standard is separating the men from the boys for her, and reserving her only for
the men.

A few things: Women naturally mature quicker than boys. We grow taller earlier and such by nature.
In many cases, this is true when it comes to development in other ways such as socially, and
spiritually in general. This means that there has to be a level of patience within a woman of standard
to be able to forbear in whatever state she is in rather waiting on a mature man of God as she
continues to develop with God or in a marriage. While the woman waits she has to remain secure in
​her worth.

Distracting Ourselves from the Pain:
Being honest, there will be some pain when a woman of God has a standard. Everyone will not agree nor understand our standard, but we still will need to maintain it. One of the ways that we can
continue to do so is to distract ourselves from the pain of loneliness, misunderstanding, and feeling
rejected. If our pain is not properly dealt with it can produce negative emotions that cause us to make poor choices and to end up dealing with things such as condemnation instead of the love and
redemptive power of Christ within us.

Give your burdens, negative thoughts and emotions to the Lord in prayer. Exchange them for what
God says about you. Surround yourself with those who agree with God’s plan for your life, and limit your dealings with those who do not. Be willing to endure whatever hardships the Lord allows
keeping a praise in your heart and on your lips for what God is doing within you. Any suffering
​endured will only produce more character within you

“And not only this but [with joy] let us exult in our sufferings and rejoice in our hardships, knowing
that hardship (distress, pressure, trouble) produces patient endurance;  and endurance, proven
character (spiritual maturity); and proven character, hope and confident assurance [of eternal
salvation].  Such hope [in God’s promises] never disappoints us, because God’s love has been
abundantly poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” 
Romans 5:3-4

Continue to enjoy your life, and whatever you do, do not settle for anything below the standard God
​has set for you in his word. Allow God to constantly change and secure your perspectives as he heals you from the wounds incurred along the way.

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Don’t Allow Covetousness to Prevent you from Enjoying Your Life

DEALING WITH COVETOUSNESS

WHAT IS COVETOUSNESS:

Covetousness is defined as “eagerly desirous of possessions. (dictionary.com)” This is almost an anxiety or unrest concerning what we desire. It is also defined as “inordinately or wrongly desirous of wealth or possessions; greedy.” Meaning, there is a right way and a wrong way to desire things, and the covetous way is the wrong way.

Covetousness almost always leads to a spirit of in-contentment, and unthankfulness for what we have because we are focusing on what others have.

COVETOUSNESS EASILY SEEPS IN AND STEALS OUR CONTENTMENT.

We could be coasting along life just fine and content, and all it takes is a scroll of the social media news-feed to take our attention off of the joy that we have in Christ to what we feel we are missing. However, before the click of the mouse, we did not feel like we were missing anything. Covetousness and in-contentment normally have its roots in what we are focusing on.

This is why the Bible makes important the point of what we allow our eyes to focus on by saying the below:​

“The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness.” Matthew 6:22

In other words, we will go in the direction of what we choose to focus on. If we focus on healthy things we will be healthy. If we focus on unhealthy things, we will begin to manifest deception, darkness, and confusion. Deception, darkness, and confusion are the things that cause us to stumble.

WHAT CAN WE DO TO STOP IT?
​
We can get a guard for our eyes. Meaning, intentionally choosing not to focus on the things that will cause us to compare ourselves to others, or to desire what others have. This can mean unfollowing or blocking people on social media.

When we shift our focus off of what it isn’t currently our season to have right now; we are better able to enjoy life. For example, as a single woman, it isn’t my season to be sexually active. Therefore, I am specific with setting parameters against certain television shows, movies, or songs that may cause me to become anxious for a season of marital love-making.

We can also become thankful for what we do have. There are going to be some things in our lives that we get to enjoy that other’s that we may be covetous toward will not be able to enjoy. For example, I have the luxury of much peace and quiet because I live alone.

Whereas, a married person with a house full of kids or a spouse has to bargain for personal quiet time. Being thankful for what we have allows us to enjoy our current season. It helps us to avoid the “what about me?” attitude that comes up when we compare our lives to others.

Covetousness always produces distracting questions that work to get our thinking off track. When our thinking is off track; our actions will be off track.

Finally, during our personal prayer time, we can pray specifically for those that we may be tempted to be covetous toward. I often pray for exes and those that I am tempted to be covetous of when they come to mind. I do not pray according to the flesh, but according to the love of God in my heart toward them and God’s word. This helps to alleviate any awkward feeling toward them I may be tempted to have, and it is also a Biblical principal that protects our heart.

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; – Matthew 5:44

This helps especially in the scenarios where someone may have done us wrong and were blessed with something that we wanted instead of seeming to pay a penalty for doing us wrong.

Scenarios like the above can be very easy temptations for us to become covetous and begin to compare ourselves, but God gives us wisdom, so we do not have to get caught up in the snares set before us. Don’t allow the trap of covetousness to derail your life. Be intentional on what you allow yourself to focus on. Be thankful, and pray for all men including those who have offended you.

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