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Behaviors of The Broken Vs. The Whole – Part II (The Discomfort of Walking by Faith)

The Discomfort of Walking by Faith

Those with Broken Perspectives are Unwilling to be Uncomfortable in Trusting God

They refuse to live life in a place of trust that often requires the discomfort of not knowing. Because they choose not to trust God; they remain stuck in their current position until it is so uncomfortable that there is absolutely no other choice, but to listen to God or face destruction. 

We will not know the inner workings of everything, but we have enough to walk by faith. If you start to notice that you value comfort over walking by faith with the Lord, please know that you are exhibiting a behavior of someone who is broken. To some, It is easier not to deal with weaknesses and insecurities, than to face them with faith and trust in God.

We can hide them and mask them in making excuses because we want to be comfortable and aren’t willing to do the necessary work to take possession of what God has promised us through faith. Walking by faith will be uncomfortable many times.

You may not understand how the outcome will work itself out initially, but this is where those who are whole in their thinking proceed forward anyway by faith and in submission to the Word of God. It is that respect, submission, and reverence for the Lord and what He has said that eventually delivers us into the land of promise after all.

Those in the book of Numbers chapter 13 who made several excuses why they could not take the land of promise were broken in their thinking. The real truth was they did not have enough faith in God to deliver what he promised. They had placed their attention on the wrong thing. They were looking at the obstacles instead of looking at their God.

They Look at The Obstacles Instead of Looking at Their God

If we will be free in this area; we will have to find safe places to be transparent about our weaknesses so that they can be addressed with faith; instead of swept underneath the rug and disguised with excuses. We have to be willing to endure the discomfort of someone else knowing that we are not always strong, and we do not always have it altogether. In doing so, with the right type of people, we will become stronger, and the weight of carrying our weaknesses on our own will dissolve.

We will also have to place greater emphasis on what God has said in his word knowing that he isn’t a man who can lie nor the son of man to repent. Hopefully, in this process we also learn to cast those weaknesses on God as well allowing his strength to be enough for us. Our intimacy with God will grow, and the Holy Spirit will remind us of God’s word so that we are reassured that we aren’t alone.

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Behaviors of The Broken Vs. The Whole – Part I (Disbelief)

First, I want to introduce this six-part blog series by sharing that there are times when everyone will be broken and being broken does not always mean that a person is doing something wrong. Look at some of our greatest examples who were broken Job, and Jesus.

Job became broken because God bragged on him allowing Satan to try him, and like God said, Job endured without turning on the Lord. Jesus Christ, the Son of God, was broken, but it was a voluntary brokenness for a greater purpose to save us.

Brokenness can have a purpose if we have our perspectives in place. When we do not have our perspectives in place, those negative perspectives we hold can lodge themselves into our personalities causing us to exhibit behaviors of the broken.

Below are a few of those behaviors along with the appropriate view that one should hold in order to be free from broken perspectives and to walk in the perspectives of one who is whole in Christ.

Broken people with broken perspectives do not walk by faith

Instead of walking by faith; broken people abide in disbelief. They look at things based on face value and that is it. A person content to be broken will not exert any effort to train themselves to walk by faith. It isn’t always easy to walk by faith because walking by faith deals with moving in a forward motion despite what is seen with the natural eye. Faith means believing God when circumstances appear contradictory.

​Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. – Hebrews 11:1

The children of Israel had just come from checking out the land of Canaan. There was a majority who believed they could not have the land of Canaan even though God promised it to them because of how it appeared. There was a minority of those who went with them to scout out the land who believed God would give it to them no matter how it appeared (Numbers 13 & 14).

Those who desire to be whole will need to allow God’s process within them to cause them to believe God no matter what the circumstance appears to be. Those who desire wholeness will have to be intentional about addressing every fear with the Word of God consistently to build faith.

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Be Bold During the Wait

Did you know that wholeness is a prerequisite for dating God’s way and marrying God’s way? When we embrace who we are–fully, embracing ourselves and our standard by God, we can proceed forward in a bold manner that brings freedom to our footsteps.​Bold: (of a person, action, or idea) showing an ability to take risks; confident and courageous (Google Definition).There is a confident bent or settling into ourselves that has to take place prior to marriage, healthy dating or courtship. That settling is best maximized when the below is firmly in place.

A sold out attitude of trust in the Lord

Come what may, our trust should be at rest in the Lord. This is something that is often anchored during trials, challenges, and opposition in life. Every time God brings us out, and every time God gives us peace despite challenges, our roots grow deeper, and we become steadfast and unmovable.

This is why we cannot despise challenges, but we must face them head-on with the strength God provides through his presence and word. This sold out trust will cause us to rest from anxiety, and questions of approval or not from others. We will be sound, Girl, chill, confident in who we are and willing to take risks.

A community that supports God’s vision for your life
This is a very important factor in being bold in the wait because we all need others.

​Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up. – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Jimdre West, the 34-year-old, male virgin of Worth The Wait blog has a new community available for believers to keep us encouraged during our wait. It’s the WaitUp App. This app provides inspirational and encouraging daily notifications to your phone.

​It also has blogs, encouraging video, and events. Last month the ministry app hosted a Kings & Queens speed dating event. They have mentioned that they will be providing more opportunities for community as well. You will want to stay plugged into what they have going on. Go to your app store and download the free WaitUp app today, and follow them on social media @WaitUp.

Propelling Faith:

With the deep-rooted trust in the Lord in place and the strong community, you should only be moving forward. Propelling faith does not allow us to be stuck. Things that used to get you bent out of shape, should barely faze you in this place. As a matter of fact, that propelling faith should obliterate what attempts to stop you. Don’t forget, we are to be mountain moving people. All it takes is just a little bit of faith. With this faith, you will wake up in a whole new world sort of speak because things will shift suddenly on your behalf for your good. Are you ready to be bold in the wait? Like our Facebook page, and share your best bold face selfie.

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3 Things I love About Michelle Williams’ Journey to The Ring

Her Transparency

I’ve been following Michelle for years. I can remember reading articles with her being transparent sharing how she would sometimes feel awkward or lonely watching others holding hands and being booed up while she remained single. If you periodically have those feelings, it’s okay. You are not alone. Everyone has those feelings. Just move past your feelings into faith and hope. Her singleness seemed to last quite some time while fellow band members Kelly and Beyonce met their loves and married earlier.

Michelle’s story of recently sharing her engagement at age 37 just goes to show you it doesn’t matter what age you meet the special someone and become engaged; The important part is that we press through our feelings of when, can it happen for us, are we good enough, or will we always be alone, and look forward to our future. Michelle never gave up. She continued to live her life walking out her purpose. This included releasing albums, holding a standard, and encouraging others, and it came true for her.

Her Encouragement in How to Place Our Focus

Michelle wrote on her Instagram account not to focus on finding love so much that it depresses us. Instead, she encouraged those who want love; to do what’s in their power to prepare for it. Michelle was simply attending a Christian conference when she met Chad. They cordially talked and after Chad was encouraged by a friend to pursue her; they began texting. It will happen at the right time, and we do not have to force nor belabor over the idea of meeting the right one. We simply have to be ready and whole enough to take him on when he shows up.

She was also asked in an interview of whether she felt a pressure to find someone as equally successful as she is and she responded with the below answer:

 “I think it’s dating someone who is doing their thing intheir field. It doesn’t have to be another artist. It doesn’t have to be same tax bracket. Same tax bracket is great. But it’s so much more than that. Do they bring stability to your life? Do they bring security to your life? How are they pushing you [to be] a better person? Are they helping you deepen your faith or are they distracting you from it? Anything that’s distracting you away from whatever was making you successful might not be cool. You might not be equally yoked. Faith is important to me. Can we pray together?”(Refinery 29 Interview)

It’s important to be similarly focused knowing what you want, and holding firm to your God-given standard so you will know how to choose wisely.

Her Encouragement of Wholeness
​
In the middle of being purposeful in using our gifts and talents for the glory of the Lord. There’s this thing called self-care. When Michelle was asked about her self-care regime in a Refinery 29 interview late 2017, she shared the below:

“Yes. I know myself and I know I like my alone time. I light my candles, music, just really basic things. And then I also treat myself once a week to something that says I love myself. Whether it’s getting an ice cream sandwich or ‘girl you know you ain’t shaved your legs. Shave your legs!’ Stuff like that so you don’t neglect you. We are in an industry where we care for people. We have to have energy to give to people. So what can I do that just gives something to myself for a little bit?”

More from this interview can be found at the link: Click here

​Finally, Her victory in experiencing being pursued and captured by a genuine man of God, Chad Johnson, is simply awesome, to say the least. Her story just reminds those of us who are still waiting that there is still hope for us no matter how long it may take. I think I can maintain hope until the end! How about you?

More on Michelle’s engagement can be found in the exclusive interview she did with People Magazine at the link: Click here

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Perfectionism is A Religious Trap – Part II

Perfectionism is a trap. It causes us to depend on our works for salvation and acceptance with God when Jesus already made the way for salvation, and Jesus already accepted us into the beloved.

To the praise of the glory of His grace, wherein He hath made us accepted in His Beloved. –  Ephesians 1:6

He has already committed to perfecting the things that concern us. We have to genuinely look to Him and trust in him to do what he said.

Being confident of this very thing, that He who hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. – Philippians 1:6

Resting in our acceptance from Christ also lightens the burden to appear perfect or acceptable to men. When we make a mistake, we can more easily own our mistake because it doesn’t affect our acceptance with God. At that point, we are free from the fear of humiliation. Mistakes cannot be held over our heads in the same way; when we know who we are in Christ.

It provides a natural humility as we look to the Lord and not to ourselves. This does not mean that we can willfully sin or take for granted God’s grace expecting him to overlook it. God knows the intents of our hearts, and he will judge us by them.

“I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.” – Jeremiah 17:10

What the Lord has done for us as far as salvation, justification, and acceptance in Christ is so deep that it can be easily misunderstood or taken in the wrong way. If you ever feel yourself drifting into taking Christ’s work for you for granted and seeking your own way; reading, meditating on, and listening to scriptures from the old testament will help with providing sobriety reminding you to fear the Lord. The fear and wrath of God are clearly seen in the old testament.

The old testament increases my fear of God. That’s one of the main reasons I like reading the old testament. God is the same today, yesterday, and forever. His wrath is being halted only through Jesus Christ the spotless lamb and sacrifice for our sins. Anything outside of Christ will guarantee God’s wrath. 

This is why we cannot be prideful and look to our own works, or to holding up an image of perfectionism based on works. There is only one who is perfect and spotless and that is Jesus Christ the one who is worthy to open the book of life and judge the world. Let’s not discount his work for us by trusting our own works outside of him.

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Perfectionism is a Religious Trap:

Perfectionism is a Trap That Keeps Us in a Works-Based Gospel

The Bible says to be holy as I (God) am holy (1 Peter 1:16).  It also says to be perfect as I am  Perfect (Matthew 5:48). These scriptures point to us abiding in Christ.  He is the one who is holy not us. This is why Christ imputed his righteousness to us meaning he added righteousness to our account. We are only righteous through him. You see it is all about leaning on him because without him we can do nothing. We can only be holy or perfect through abiding in Christ.

See the below scripture:

Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. – John 15:4

The above scriptures about perfectionism and holiness have been taught in such a way as to attempt to accomplish the goal of holiness and perfectionism on our own by works, and that is simply pride and lack of understanding. We cannot accomplish this by works, but by abiding in Christ.

When we focus on perfectionism, we focus on trying to become good enough to reach perfection through works. That’s the old way. That’s the law. The law was too much of a burden for man to fulfill. This is why Jesus Christ fulfilled the law and through abiding in Christ we fulfill the law.

This makes enjoying the benefits of the gospel attainable to every man. This is why Isaiah prophesied saying to come and buy bread with no money.

“Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost.” – Isaiah 55:1

This not having to work for perfection, but resting into perfection through abiding in Christ removes the burden of perfection and the burden of condemnation when we do not attain to perfection in our weak fleshy attempts.

It doesn’t matter how hard we try, we have to humble ourselves and realize our own righteousness is as filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6). We cannot attain to God’s standard outside of Him. This is why God points us to himself when he requires holiness and perfection of us.

Be careful not to enter back into bondage through a spirit of religion. Remember at the core of a religious spirit is to take the focus and glory off of Jesus Christ and to place it on the self-righteous who gloat in their own works.

Jesus spoke about such people who love to add false burdens on others:

They pile heavy burdens on people’s shoulders and won’t lift a finger to help. – Matt 23:4 Contemporary Version

They could help men and remove the burdens through teaching and operating out of the revelation from God’s word instead of leaning to the wisdom of their own minds.

The wisdom of God looks like the below:

But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. – James 3:17

Pure meaning no hidden motive, unadulterated, unmixed. It just is so. It’s just the truth.

Peaceable, not causing strife. 

Gentle and easily entreated: There is a grace in enacted this that makes it plausible to attain. Not a heavy burden or an impossible task.

Full of mercy: compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm.

Good fruits: This is not a gospel of doing what you want and God will just overlook it. It is a gospel that will always show some fruit that a person has been abiding in Christ. There should be some forward motion in Christ.

Without partiality: This gospel is for everybody not just certain people who can attain a level of work and being successful at the law on their own. No partiality.

Without hypocrisy: Those who do walk in pride and self-righteousness are hypocrites because they cannot keep themselves from all sin on their own. They got some stuff in their closet too.

Those who walk in perfectionism follow wisdom that is the very opposite of the above. They often become successful at what is considered the big sins, and lord it over others to uplift themselves without examining their hearts for other sins like pride. 

They lack mercy and seek to condemn others while lifting themselves. Perfectionism is a form of self-worship when one is doing well, and a form of self-condemnation when one notices he or she isn’t doing well. It’s a works-based salvation and acceptance system. This isn’t how the kingdom of God operates. See part II next week when we discuss perfectionism as a trap.

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Hard Conversations: Let’s Talk Divorce Part II

​Last week we talked about Christon Gray’s situation and how we should view those who have become divorced not in a sense of condemnation, but in a sense of empowering them to overcome divorce considering ourselves. This week we will look at Datin’s situation which is the exact opposite. In Datin’s situation, he was cheated on and had a Biblical ground through no fault of his own except as he said, “Not following the leading of the Holy Spirit” when he was courting his former wife. He shared how he felt that he had to save his former wife during their courtship process even though he was warned of this idea.

First, let’s look at what the Bible says about divorce:

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’and said, ‘For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. – Matthew 19:4-11 

“Marriage is the institution of God. Divorce is the institution of man”

Marriage is the institution of God. Divorce is the institution of man because of the hardness of man’s heart. What God was saying is that he never instituted divorce, but man did i.e. Moses. Because marriage is a picture of Christ and the church; it is a commitment no matter what. Many times this often includes staying committed even after sexual immorality. The Bible doesn’t say we have to divorce through sexual immorality. It says it’s okay to divorce because of sexual immorality.

That is how committed God is to us. Sexual immorality in marriage is a picture of idolatry or having another God aside from God. God has experienced that plenty of times with us and stayed. We have a choice. Even in adultery, a marriage can be restored, but both parties have to be willing. What happens with many is the hearts become hardened, and it seems impossible to continue unless both parties depend on the grace of God together to make it work.

Because we are human and become hard through various experiences; we do not have the capability to endure through anything without God’s grace. We have to allow God’s grace to empower us to grow and mature through the covenant that we’ve committed ourselves to. Some will be willing to do this, and others will not. This is why Moses allowed divorce in the old testament.
What does all of this mean? It means that marriage is very serious and for those who are mature enough and whole enough to commit themselves to one partner. It also means that there will be some hard times during marriage of which we will have to remain committed. However, because everyone isn’t willing to deal with the hard things that can come with marriage; many will divorce.

Some pointers to take from Datin’s testimony and interview below:

  • There is life after divorce.
  • It’s important to acknowledge our part in the relationship’s failure so as not to repeat the same mistake, but to learn from it.
  • Don’t get stuck in trying to hold onto a relationship that both parties no longer want.
  • God will give you the grace to move on, heal, and forgive.
  • Don’t move ahead of God and his peace when choosing a spouse.

See Datin’s interview below. Note, he discusses his divorce at 20:00.

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Recap of First Comes Contentment Than Marriage:

Approximately, two weeks ago, some blogging friends and I did a live discussion on contentment. We discussed what contentment is, how to become content and some of the benefits of contentment.

Lisa Gordon shared that contentment is a place of peace and being happy and full of joy with where you are in spite of what you have and what you do not have. It’s also enjoying the moment. She mentioned how sometimes we want something so bad, that we cannot enjoy the moments of what we already have.

I shared how it is a place of rest, and how some think that abiding in a place of rest isn’t doing anything, but that is not true. Abiding in a place of rest is abiding in a place of total trust in God regarding every area of our lives. When we are in that place of rest we do not allow ourselves to be distracted. We do not compare ourselves to others, and if we catch ourselves comparing ourselves to others, we bring ourselves back with the Word of God.

Finally, in that place of rest and contentment, we relinquish the right to control the how and the when marriage and courtship will happen.

Tatianah talked about how contentment is having that peace for where you are at, and being satisfied with that. It means to be satisfied with our portion. Sometimes, we get to comparing ourselves, and we forget what God said. If he said he would provide a spouse, kids etc. Then he will do that for us because he is faithful, and we have to remember that.

Kristen shared a definition of internal satisfaction. Contentment doesn’t mean everything in your life is perfect. She said when you are content, you have an internal satisfaction that does not put demands on your external situations. She mentioned how she had a moment where she just felt really okay with her life. This happened after a ridiculous season of warfare. She no longer felt a need to put a demand on the Lord, for example, she wants to be married by 33. Why? She learned to be content like Apostle Paul in the below scripture:

I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. – Philippians 4:13-14

Another point from Kristen that stood out to me was the fact that whether we are single or married, we are still women. Our singleness does not take away from our womanhood and femininity. This is a very important key to remember because there have been times where being a single woman has been a battle of our worth or worthiness as a woman to be treated like ladies. Rather we are single or married, our worthiness to be treated like ladies and more importantly to carry ourselves like ladies still stands.

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When Friendships Turn Into Situationships Part III (Balance)

Don’t get me wrong! God does send men into the lives of women who are still single and waiting on him to act as brothers. Brothers encourage, protect, and affirm similar to what a father does except the brothers are more on our level because we are from the same generation.

However, when God sends a brother, there will not be a pull toward intimate desires that should be reserved for marriage. There will automatically be boundaries in place to seek to please God because of the nature of the brother and sister relationship. Our commitment to the Lord in the area of purity should not be consistently confronted in a friendship.

If by chance the relationship with a friend matures into more than a brother/sister friendly relationship; there should be clear boundaries and intentions set in place to provide direction on how the relationship will proceed forward. Grey area when it comes to this type of a scenario will lead to confusion and more often than not compromise.

As women, we have those desires where we want to nurture, touch, and playfully flirt. That is a natural part of being an adult woman, but it should be reserved for our husbands. If we give those things to every man that we feel a pull toward, we will be confused in what we want or what God wants for us. We can easily fall for the idea of being intimate with whoever is present rather than being choosy about being intimate specifically with our husbands.

The mindset of holding out for our husbands when it comes to relationship stuff such as flirting or playful touching feels awkward as an adult woman to hold out on, but if we look at it as an investment for our future, we’ll be more willing to hold out. Truthfully, it’s an investment in our present as well because it teaches us discipline. It also prevents distraction that would take us away from pursuing God and what he wants.

Guarding those natural affections for intimacy that we have are a part of guarding our hearts. One day we will be able to be intimate with the right person, and now we will continue to be preserved from the wrong ones.

The below scripture speaks to a young man sharing how he should view women older than him, and women similar in age to him:

Treat older women as you would your mother, and treat younger women with all purity as you would your own sisters. 1 Timothy 5:2

If we take a lesson from 1 Timothy, we can treat our brothers in the Lord the same as brothers. If it goes further than that we should allow the man to lead that, but make sure ladies that you seek the Lord and discern the brother’s consecration to the Lord. If his consecration isn’t right, he will lead you straight into sin. We have a responsibility as women to guard our hearts.

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When Friendship Turns Into A Situationship – Part II (Boundaries)

​Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. James 1:13-14

We can become tempted by our own desires. We can become drawn away by our own desires. This is why it is so important to maintain boundaries when dealing with the opposite sex even in the form of friends—because friends can awaken desires within us and if we follow those desires we can be drawn away.

So, an old friend of mine that I used to meet up with sometimes and play chess with came back into my life. We started chatting here and there as friends after he called my job regarding some business. I kept up with him regarding that business, but of course, there is an attraction between the two of us. However, we had already somewhat flirted with the attraction in the past which resulted in us not talking for some years due to the consecration mismatch issue.

Anywho, we were simply catching up as friends with a game of chess recently. The brotha had a new hairstyle, and it made me really consider touching his hair, but knowing myself, it’s hard for me to just touch a guy’s hair without rubbing his head.

So, I used to rub guys hair/head as a norm until one day when I was 22 a co-worker asked me to stop. He said it turned him on. I had no idea at the time. I was just being friendly. Due to that experience, I had not rubbed a brotha’s head in years, and the desire to do so had gone away as I had decided to reserve that for my husband.

The chess game with a friend bought up those desires that I had not thought of for so long. After it was over, I shared with the brotha over the phone how I wanted to touch his head. He said I should have. He further went into how he would have just touched my head and etc. I knew I had made the right decision to maintain self-control and not cross the boundary of friendship.

However, I began to ask myself, “Why am I in this situation?” I began to think, “I don’t have to be tempted with this situation.” There would have been nowhere for the friendship to escalate to except fornication. Here I am whole and free. I was not trying to end up in bondage. All cycles start with decisions. I was making a decision to be free.

​It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. – Galatians 5:1

I had to set some boundaries. Any type of a relationship without boundaries could lead anywhere. I need to have a clear marker of definition for what every relationship is rather friendship or an actual relationship. There should be no lack of clarity in this area. Lack of clarity for where a relationship is going can derail destiny. It’s like trying to reach a destination without an address. It is confusion. I had to call the brotha and ask him to lay off the hello beautiful text messages. Had I allowed our undefined relationship to go on, I would have begun to feed a natural desire that I have in me as a woman to be affirmed and cherished by a man, but the man is not my husband neither can he be. I had to recognize the situation for what it was a setup for a situationship. 

The Bible says not to awaken love before it’s time. That means there is an appointed time for me to experience those intimate things that I desire with my husband. The friendship with the attractive guy who was starting to send me good morning beautiful text messages highlighted a desire in my life that is not yet fulfilled. It placed me in a position to focus on the desire being fulfilled rather than focusing on the Lord and what he wants. It would have very easily have drawn me away had I allowed it to continue.

This may seem like a small thing, but the scripture also says it’s the small foxes that spoil the vine. In essence, I had to make a choice to continue to guard my consecration to the Lord and my focus. I contacted one of my accountability sisters to let her know what was going on and what I was going to do about it. She agreed to follow up with me and make sure that I dealt with it

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