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Perfectionism is A Religious Trap – Part II

Perfectionism is a trap. It causes us to depend on our works for salvation and acceptance with God when Jesus already made the way for salvation, and Jesus already accepted us into the beloved.

To the praise of the glory of His grace, wherein He hath made us accepted in His Beloved. –  Ephesians 1:6

He has already committed to perfecting the things that concern us. We have to genuinely look to Him and trust in him to do what he said.

Being confident of this very thing, that He who hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. – Philippians 1:6

Resting in our acceptance from Christ also lightens the burden to appear perfect or acceptable to men. When we make a mistake, we can more easily own our mistake because it doesn’t affect our acceptance with God. At that point, we are free from the fear of humiliation. Mistakes cannot be held over our heads in the same way; when we know who we are in Christ.

It provides a natural humility as we look to the Lord and not to ourselves. This does not mean that we can willfully sin or take for granted God’s grace expecting him to overlook it. God knows the intents of our hearts, and he will judge us by them.

“I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.” – Jeremiah 17:10

What the Lord has done for us as far as salvation, justification, and acceptance in Christ is so deep that it can be easily misunderstood or taken in the wrong way. If you ever feel yourself drifting into taking Christ’s work for you for granted and seeking your own way; reading, meditating on, and listening to scriptures from the old testament will help with providing sobriety reminding you to fear the Lord. The fear and wrath of God are clearly seen in the old testament.

The old testament increases my fear of God. That’s one of the main reasons I like reading the old testament. God is the same today, yesterday, and forever. His wrath is being halted only through Jesus Christ the spotless lamb and sacrifice for our sins. Anything outside of Christ will guarantee God’s wrath. 

This is why we cannot be prideful and look to our own works, or to holding up an image of perfectionism based on works. There is only one who is perfect and spotless and that is Jesus Christ the one who is worthy to open the book of life and judge the world. Let’s not discount his work for us by trusting our own works outside of him.

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Perfectionism is a Religious Trap:

Perfectionism is a Trap That Keeps Us in a Works-Based Gospel

The Bible says to be holy as I (God) am holy (1 Peter 1:16).  It also says to be perfect as I am  Perfect (Matthew 5:48). These scriptures point to us abiding in Christ.  He is the one who is holy not us. This is why Christ imputed his righteousness to us meaning he added righteousness to our account. We are only righteous through him. You see it is all about leaning on him because without him we can do nothing. We can only be holy or perfect through abiding in Christ.

See the below scripture:

Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. – John 15:4

The above scriptures about perfectionism and holiness have been taught in such a way as to attempt to accomplish the goal of holiness and perfectionism on our own by works, and that is simply pride and lack of understanding. We cannot accomplish this by works, but by abiding in Christ.

When we focus on perfectionism, we focus on trying to become good enough to reach perfection through works. That’s the old way. That’s the law. The law was too much of a burden for man to fulfill. This is why Jesus Christ fulfilled the law and through abiding in Christ we fulfill the law.

This makes enjoying the benefits of the gospel attainable to every man. This is why Isaiah prophesied saying to come and buy bread with no money.

“Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost.” – Isaiah 55:1

This not having to work for perfection, but resting into perfection through abiding in Christ removes the burden of perfection and the burden of condemnation when we do not attain to perfection in our weak fleshy attempts.

It doesn’t matter how hard we try, we have to humble ourselves and realize our own righteousness is as filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6). We cannot attain to God’s standard outside of Him. This is why God points us to himself when he requires holiness and perfection of us.

Be careful not to enter back into bondage through a spirit of religion. Remember at the core of a religious spirit is to take the focus and glory off of Jesus Christ and to place it on the self-righteous who gloat in their own works.

Jesus spoke about such people who love to add false burdens on others:

They pile heavy burdens on people’s shoulders and won’t lift a finger to help. – Matt 23:4 Contemporary Version

They could help men and remove the burdens through teaching and operating out of the revelation from God’s word instead of leaning to the wisdom of their own minds.

The wisdom of God looks like the below:

But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. – James 3:17

Pure meaning no hidden motive, unadulterated, unmixed. It just is so. It’s just the truth.

Peaceable, not causing strife. 

Gentle and easily entreated: There is a grace in enacted this that makes it plausible to attain. Not a heavy burden or an impossible task.

Full of mercy: compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm.

Good fruits: This is not a gospel of doing what you want and God will just overlook it. It is a gospel that will always show some fruit that a person has been abiding in Christ. There should be some forward motion in Christ.

Without partiality: This gospel is for everybody not just certain people who can attain a level of work and being successful at the law on their own. No partiality.

Without hypocrisy: Those who do walk in pride and self-righteousness are hypocrites because they cannot keep themselves from all sin on their own. They got some stuff in their closet too.

Those who walk in perfectionism follow wisdom that is the very opposite of the above. They often become successful at what is considered the big sins, and lord it over others to uplift themselves without examining their hearts for other sins like pride. 

They lack mercy and seek to condemn others while lifting themselves. Perfectionism is a form of self-worship when one is doing well, and a form of self-condemnation when one notices he or she isn’t doing well. It’s a works-based salvation and acceptance system. This isn’t how the kingdom of God operates. See part II next week when we discuss perfectionism as a trap.

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Hard Conversations: Let’s Talk Divorce Part II

​Last week we talked about Christon Gray’s situation and how we should view those who have become divorced not in a sense of condemnation, but in a sense of empowering them to overcome divorce considering ourselves. This week we will look at Datin’s situation which is the exact opposite. In Datin’s situation, he was cheated on and had a Biblical ground through no fault of his own except as he said, “Not following the leading of the Holy Spirit” when he was courting his former wife. He shared how he felt that he had to save his former wife during their courtship process even though he was warned of this idea.

First, let’s look at what the Bible says about divorce:

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’and said, ‘For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. – Matthew 19:4-11 

“Marriage is the institution of God. Divorce is the institution of man”

Marriage is the institution of God. Divorce is the institution of man because of the hardness of man’s heart. What God was saying is that he never instituted divorce, but man did i.e. Moses. Because marriage is a picture of Christ and the church; it is a commitment no matter what. Many times this often includes staying committed even after sexual immorality. The Bible doesn’t say we have to divorce through sexual immorality. It says it’s okay to divorce because of sexual immorality.

That is how committed God is to us. Sexual immorality in marriage is a picture of idolatry or having another God aside from God. God has experienced that plenty of times with us and stayed. We have a choice. Even in adultery, a marriage can be restored, but both parties have to be willing. What happens with many is the hearts become hardened, and it seems impossible to continue unless both parties depend on the grace of God together to make it work.

Because we are human and become hard through various experiences; we do not have the capability to endure through anything without God’s grace. We have to allow God’s grace to empower us to grow and mature through the covenant that we’ve committed ourselves to. Some will be willing to do this, and others will not. This is why Moses allowed divorce in the old testament.
What does all of this mean? It means that marriage is very serious and for those who are mature enough and whole enough to commit themselves to one partner. It also means that there will be some hard times during marriage of which we will have to remain committed. However, because everyone isn’t willing to deal with the hard things that can come with marriage; many will divorce.

Some pointers to take from Datin’s testimony and interview below:

  • There is life after divorce.
  • It’s important to acknowledge our part in the relationship’s failure so as not to repeat the same mistake, but to learn from it.
  • Don’t get stuck in trying to hold onto a relationship that both parties no longer want.
  • God will give you the grace to move on, heal, and forgive.
  • Don’t move ahead of God and his peace when choosing a spouse.

See Datin’s interview below. Note, he discusses his divorce at 20:00.

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Recap of First Comes Contentment Than Marriage:

Approximately, two weeks ago, some blogging friends and I did a live discussion on contentment. We discussed what contentment is, how to become content and some of the benefits of contentment.

Lisa Gordon shared that contentment is a place of peace and being happy and full of joy with where you are in spite of what you have and what you do not have. It’s also enjoying the moment. She mentioned how sometimes we want something so bad, that we cannot enjoy the moments of what we already have.

I shared how it is a place of rest, and how some think that abiding in a place of rest isn’t doing anything, but that is not true. Abiding in a place of rest is abiding in a place of total trust in God regarding every area of our lives. When we are in that place of rest we do not allow ourselves to be distracted. We do not compare ourselves to others, and if we catch ourselves comparing ourselves to others, we bring ourselves back with the Word of God.

Finally, in that place of rest and contentment, we relinquish the right to control the how and the when marriage and courtship will happen.

Tatianah talked about how contentment is having that peace for where you are at, and being satisfied with that. It means to be satisfied with our portion. Sometimes, we get to comparing ourselves, and we forget what God said. If he said he would provide a spouse, kids etc. Then he will do that for us because he is faithful, and we have to remember that.

Kristen shared a definition of internal satisfaction. Contentment doesn’t mean everything in your life is perfect. She said when you are content, you have an internal satisfaction that does not put demands on your external situations. She mentioned how she had a moment where she just felt really okay with her life. This happened after a ridiculous season of warfare. She no longer felt a need to put a demand on the Lord, for example, she wants to be married by 33. Why? She learned to be content like Apostle Paul in the below scripture:

I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. – Philippians 4:13-14

Another point from Kristen that stood out to me was the fact that whether we are single or married, we are still women. Our singleness does not take away from our womanhood and femininity. This is a very important key to remember because there have been times where being a single woman has been a battle of our worth or worthiness as a woman to be treated like ladies. Rather we are single or married, our worthiness to be treated like ladies and more importantly to carry ourselves like ladies still stands.

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When Friendships Turn Into Situationships Part III (Balance)

Don’t get me wrong! God does send men into the lives of women who are still single and waiting on him to act as brothers. Brothers encourage, protect, and affirm similar to what a father does except the brothers are more on our level because we are from the same generation.

However, when God sends a brother, there will not be a pull toward intimate desires that should be reserved for marriage. There will automatically be boundaries in place to seek to please God because of the nature of the brother and sister relationship. Our commitment to the Lord in the area of purity should not be consistently confronted in a friendship.

If by chance the relationship with a friend matures into more than a brother/sister friendly relationship; there should be clear boundaries and intentions set in place to provide direction on how the relationship will proceed forward. Grey area when it comes to this type of a scenario will lead to confusion and more often than not compromise.

As women, we have those desires where we want to nurture, touch, and playfully flirt. That is a natural part of being an adult woman, but it should be reserved for our husbands. If we give those things to every man that we feel a pull toward, we will be confused in what we want or what God wants for us. We can easily fall for the idea of being intimate with whoever is present rather than being choosy about being intimate specifically with our husbands.

The mindset of holding out for our husbands when it comes to relationship stuff such as flirting or playful touching feels awkward as an adult woman to hold out on, but if we look at it as an investment for our future, we’ll be more willing to hold out. Truthfully, it’s an investment in our present as well because it teaches us discipline. It also prevents distraction that would take us away from pursuing God and what he wants.

Guarding those natural affections for intimacy that we have are a part of guarding our hearts. One day we will be able to be intimate with the right person, and now we will continue to be preserved from the wrong ones.

The below scripture speaks to a young man sharing how he should view women older than him, and women similar in age to him:

Treat older women as you would your mother, and treat younger women with all purity as you would your own sisters. 1 Timothy 5:2

If we take a lesson from 1 Timothy, we can treat our brothers in the Lord the same as brothers. If it goes further than that we should allow the man to lead that, but make sure ladies that you seek the Lord and discern the brother’s consecration to the Lord. If his consecration isn’t right, he will lead you straight into sin. We have a responsibility as women to guard our hearts.

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When Friendship Turns Into A Situationship – Part II (Boundaries)

​Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. James 1:13-14

We can become tempted by our own desires. We can become drawn away by our own desires. This is why it is so important to maintain boundaries when dealing with the opposite sex even in the form of friends—because friends can awaken desires within us and if we follow those desires we can be drawn away.

So, an old friend of mine that I used to meet up with sometimes and play chess with came back into my life. We started chatting here and there as friends after he called my job regarding some business. I kept up with him regarding that business, but of course, there is an attraction between the two of us. However, we had already somewhat flirted with the attraction in the past which resulted in us not talking for some years due to the consecration mismatch issue.

Anywho, we were simply catching up as friends with a game of chess recently. The brotha had a new hairstyle, and it made me really consider touching his hair, but knowing myself, it’s hard for me to just touch a guy’s hair without rubbing his head.

So, I used to rub guys hair/head as a norm until one day when I was 22 a co-worker asked me to stop. He said it turned him on. I had no idea at the time. I was just being friendly. Due to that experience, I had not rubbed a brotha’s head in years, and the desire to do so had gone away as I had decided to reserve that for my husband.

The chess game with a friend bought up those desires that I had not thought of for so long. After it was over, I shared with the brotha over the phone how I wanted to touch his head. He said I should have. He further went into how he would have just touched my head and etc. I knew I had made the right decision to maintain self-control and not cross the boundary of friendship.

However, I began to ask myself, “Why am I in this situation?” I began to think, “I don’t have to be tempted with this situation.” There would have been nowhere for the friendship to escalate to except fornication. Here I am whole and free. I was not trying to end up in bondage. All cycles start with decisions. I was making a decision to be free.

​It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. – Galatians 5:1

I had to set some boundaries. Any type of a relationship without boundaries could lead anywhere. I need to have a clear marker of definition for what every relationship is rather friendship or an actual relationship. There should be no lack of clarity in this area. Lack of clarity for where a relationship is going can derail destiny. It’s like trying to reach a destination without an address. It is confusion. I had to call the brotha and ask him to lay off the hello beautiful text messages. Had I allowed our undefined relationship to go on, I would have begun to feed a natural desire that I have in me as a woman to be affirmed and cherished by a man, but the man is not my husband neither can he be. I had to recognize the situation for what it was a setup for a situationship. 

The Bible says not to awaken love before it’s time. That means there is an appointed time for me to experience those intimate things that I desire with my husband. The friendship with the attractive guy who was starting to send me good morning beautiful text messages highlighted a desire in my life that is not yet fulfilled. It placed me in a position to focus on the desire being fulfilled rather than focusing on the Lord and what he wants. It would have very easily have drawn me away had I allowed it to continue.

This may seem like a small thing, but the scripture also says it’s the small foxes that spoil the vine. In essence, I had to make a choice to continue to guard my consecration to the Lord and my focus. I contacted one of my accountability sisters to let her know what was going on and what I was going to do about it. She agreed to follow up with me and make sure that I dealt with it

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When Friendship Turns Into a Situation-ship: (Part I)

Can mutually attractive people of the opposite sex be just friends?​

As women, there are some guys that there is just a natural chemistry or kinship with. Those types of guys are easy to talk to and super friendly. They just make you feel mad comfortable. They are also attractive and they may find us attractive as well. However, due to underdevelopment in key areas such as purity and consecration, we quickly confine a brother to the friend zone.

Could this be a trap waiting to happen by being friends with someone of the opposite sex who is all of that, and yet still struggling to maintain consistency in the area of consecration or even worse, content with the lack of consecration to the Lord?

If it is okay to be friends with this type of a situation, how can boundaries be maintained to ensure the relationship remains as just friends? I am still learning, growing, and being tested in this area myself, but what I do believe is that we can either consciously or unconsciously use a person under the title as a friend to fill voids as singles that only God should be filling at the time.

When we open ourselves up to these sort of experiences; we, in turn, open ourselves up to be distracted. We distract ourselves from things like wholeness, undivided attention toward the Lord, and who we are in Christ, what we are called to do, and those we are called to walk with, in this season of our lives.

We can easily establish an emotional soul-tie with a friend by allowing the friend to fill the void that God would have filled until our husband is sent. Even though, there was never the title of a boyfriend; if a friend acts like, or crosses boundaries like they are a boyfriend, the same sort of a break up required in an actual dating relationship will be required with a friend of the opposite sex.

This is why I believe it is wisdom to keep this sort of a situation-ship posing as a friendship at bay. I believe that the would-be friend needs to be kept at arm’s length. That means there are levels of intimacy that the friend is not allowed to enter into.  If the thought of setting boundaries like a dating relationship comes up; then it is probably a distraction.

On the other hand, if the person is just attractive and he or she isn’t lacking in consecration but has the character and consecration to match one’s own; this person can be a friend, and the friend should already have a decent foundation with appropriate boundaries in that case which would prevent any type of confusion. God is not the author of confusion. Satan is the author of confusion. Our own lusts also author confusion in our lives.

Finally, us not being honest with ourselves about our own lusts and desires produces confusion. This confusion leads to us justifying why we allow our desires to be awakened before the appropriate time with the wrong person(s) and thus sin is produced in our lives again.

Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. – James – 1:15

Next week, I will share part II of this discussion where I was tempted with an old friend who came back into my life.

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A Deeper Look at Identity through Jesus Christ:

Being a believer is a process where the believer goes from glory to glory. We go from one place of maturity to a greater place of maturity, one place of knowledge to a greater place of knowledge and wisdom. We are cleansed and made more into the image of Christ through Christ’s word.Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. – John 17:17Everyone doesn’t like it when we grow. Some people like us more when we stay in the same place. To some, acceptance is contingent upon if all parties are at the same level. When one party decides to grow and embrace even more of their identity in Christ, a separation due to competition is often produced. This is what Jesus dealt with in John 5. He was stopped by the religious people who confronted Jesus due to him healing a man on the Sabbath day. Let’s look at how Jesus held fast to his identity when others were offended by it.

We can be bold in who we are as long as we depend on the Lord


Jesus Christ did not fall back from his identity one bit. As a matter of fact, when he was confronted by the religious people; he gave them a greater lesson on who he was. He said, yes, both I and my father work on the Sabbath. This was Jesus’ way of letting them know that he was equal with God, and because he is equal with God he is not going to back down. He was bold in who he was because his identity came from his heavenly father.

We should be well acquainted with our purpose and walk in it boldly
Jesus was well aware of his purpose. He laid out that he had some specific tasks given to him by the Father. Some of these tasks included judgment, raising the dead, and healing on the Sabbath day and any day he otherwise pleased. Jesus was making a bold statement that his identity did not come from acceptance with men, but from the Father himself. Just as Jesus, our head and example, our identity also doesn’t come from acceptance with men, but from the Father.

We should not seek the praise of men but from God
There are many who are insecure, who seek to identify with someone greater than them. They seek to gain the praise of someone greater than them. The religious, who confronted Jesus compared themselves to Jesus. Seeking to belittle Jesus, they wanted Jesus to seek their acceptance and their praise. This is something that they also practiced with one another, but Jesus would not take part.

“I do not accept glory from human beings,  but I know you. I know that you do not have the love of God in your hearts. I have come in my Father’s name, and you do not accept me; but if someone else comes in his own name, you will accept him. – John 5:41-42

Just as Jesus would not modify his identity and purpose for the praise of men, we ought not to modify our identity and purpose for the praise of men. We ought to allow pleasing God to be our motivation for who we are and what we do. This doesn’t mean that God will not use people after his heart to affirm our reputations before others and to ourselves.

God will always have someone else who has his heart to affirm us
Even though Jesus is equal with God, he pointed out also that he does not testify of himself, but John the Baptist was sent before him to testify of him. There is an authenticity displayed when other reputable people affirm who we are. It provides a safe place where we can be affirmed by those who aren’t comparing themselves to us but instead love us for who we are because they also get their identity from God and not others.

How interesting that all of this testing of Jesus’ identity took place on the Sabbath day. I do believe that God wants us to rest in our identities in Christ just as Jesus rested. Those who opposed Jesus did so because they were insecure within themselves. Often times when people are insecure within themselves; they latch on to a religious spirit. They extract their identity from self-righteousness and policing others according to the standard that they set for themselves.

This is what they sought to do with Jesus. They compared Jesus to themselves, declared him guilty or unworthy to do what he was doing, and thus sought to control him by convincing him he was in the wrong.

Yes, the commandment of resting on the Sabbath day was valid for men, but God was not under that rule because he is God. Jesus was actually giving the religious leaders insight to how God works—when we rest, God works.

“When We Rest God Works.”

Those who are insecure are ruled by a spirit of fear. They consistently modify themselves to feel accepted even to the point of trying to do what God is supposed to do. Those religious men should have been at rest. What they were telling Jesus to do; they should have been doing. Instead, they became busybodies meddling in what did not concern them.

We all can be tempted with an insecure spirit. We all can be tempted to grasp our identity from people, religious self-righteousness, or comparing ourselves to others, but that only introduces a cycle of confusion and control. Let’s take a lesson from Jesus, and find our identity in that intimate place of seeking the Lord and resting in what God gives us.

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WHAT IS YOUR MOTIVATION?

Is it to compete with your neighbor and go further than they have? Is it to prove to the naysayers that they are indeed just naysayers? I’ve found that there is a perversion of motivation that as believers, we need to guard ourselves against. That is the motivation to do things for the wrong reason.

Many are holding ideas of doing big things and establishing a name for themselves, and that’s all good when we are in our lane getting what God ordained for us and doing what God ordained for us.

It is my prayer the motivation for myself would be to maintain the mindset of doing what I do out of obedience for the Lord and for the glory of the Lord. I believe that when this is the motivation that we are unstoppable. One, because God will be behind us, and if God is for us nothing and no one can stand against us.

Two, we will stay connected to God in an undistracted way and be in a position to receive and heed his wisdom as he directs us through the path he has ordained for us. Yes, that is correct, each person has a path that includes their very own individual purpose just like the prophet Jeremiah had a path preordained for him to be a prophet to the nation. It’s only when we allow ourselves to be distracted, that we lose sight of that path and allow a perversion of what God has called us to do.

Please, don’t fall into the trap of doing things for the wrong reason. Please, don’t fall into the trap of doing things for social media likes, sales alone, the admiration of man, or to keep up with your neighbors, when God has given you your own path to walk for his glory.

If you have to get off of social media, or unfollow people, do what you have to do to maintain the integrity of doing what you are called to do for the right reason. The Bible discusses three manifestations of the spirit of the world. They are the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, which the scripture goes on to say that these things are not from the Father in heaven, but from this world (1 John 2:16).

Some will disagree with me, but I believe that some of the women empowerment ideas that are held to are manifestations of the pride of life. An example of such an idea is, “Bougie.” Bougie people live outside of their means to appear to be in a class that they are not.

Bougie people normally aren’t secure in their identity in Christ, and thus use status to cover that up. Many single women are finding identity in their accomplishments alone, and not in their identity in Christ.

While there is nothing wrong with aspiring to be in an upper class, to boast in these things, I feel is wrong and leads to vanity.

It is a dangerous thing to gather our worth from what we have accomplished. Yes, there is a general respect that comes with accomplishments, but I feel that our culture has gone into prideful boasting about its accomplishments. The Bible warns against vain boasting sharing what we should boast in if we are to boast and that is in the Lord.

But let the one who boasts boast about this: that they have the understanding to know me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice, and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight, declares the Lord. – Jeremiah 9:24

When we boast in ourselves, we take the attention off of Jesus, and the work that God is doing in our lives, and we place it on ourselves. Those who get caught up in trying to keep up an image of perfection, flawlessness, and always winning do not usually fail well. Failure in many aspects is a normal part of life. Without failure at something, many solutions would not have been discovered.

Humility plays an important role in keeping our motivation in check. There was a dispute between the followers of John and the followers of Jesus. The followers of John were sharing with John the Baptiste that Jesus was also baptizing and many of John’s followers were going over to follow Jesus and leaving off following John.

John the Baptiste was cool with that because he understood his calling. His calling was to be a forerunner for Christ. He responded to his disciples by saying the below:

Picture

When we have the right perspective of ourselves, and our purpose within God’s plan, we will more easily walk at a steady pace where we are sensitive to what God wants above what people want.

People are fickle. They often rally behind what appears will succeed. They may even go as far as to ignore, not take seriously, or put down what looks unique and unsuccessful. That’s why pleasing people cannot be our motivation, but pleasing God should be.

But Jesus didn’t entrust himself to them because he knew human nature. John 2:24

Even Jesus, being aware of the nature of man, did not entrust his value, identity, or worth over to a man. We are to do the same allowing God to be our motivation.

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3 main ways, You’ll Know You’ve Met the One – Part II

Do You Fully Love & Accept Yourself ?

​Singles are often encouraged to lower their standards to prove they are good enough to have somebody. I did this before. I was tired of everywhere I turned having to fight for peace and rest giving explanations to others on why I was still single and not dating. I tried to make it work with a guy who was not on my level, but he was saved.

Of course, I could not be myself all the way. I had to be quiet more about what I saw in his life that was simply out of order for a man who was pursuing a woman of God as not to appear as a nag.

There is no way our relationship would have worked without him coming up on his own. I would have had to operate outside of my role as a woman to be in a relationship with him. I would have had to do both my role and his to a large degree because he did not understand who he was and what his role was and if he did he was operating in rebellion which is another animal.

If you have to modify, change, or lower yourself away from your identity in Christ, it’s not it. If you do not know your identity in Christ, you should not be dating.

Instead, seek the Lord and see what he is saying to you.

I had been seeing myself too low due to the warfare I faced as a single woman over the years and some other things in me that needed to be dealt with.

Instead of seeking to make a relationship work that isn’t for you, seek the Lord and see what he is saying. God may want to do some additional work within you that you aren’t aware of even needing.

Whatever the word of the Lord is over your life, submit to that. God is committed to making us whole before joining us with someone else. It doesn’t mean that you have to be perfect before meeting an appropriate person. It means that you have to be healthy enough to still be who God wants you to be even while being joined to another person.

Maybe, it isn’t time to seek a relationship. Maybe God wants you focused on something else.

When we are married, we will be more vulnerable than we have ever been before, and thus we will be more open to being hurt more than we have ever been before. We all have heard it before, it’s those closest to us who hurt us the most. God wants us to be able to still be good after going through various things with our future spouses.

This is why it is so important to be whole when dating someone. Only when we are whole we will make healthy choices for ourselves without bending who we are to make something work with someone who doesn’t have God’s best interest for us.

If you are experiencing signs that you are doing it on your own; don’t be rebellious. Humble yourself and be willing to let it go. Begin to allow healing to take place until you come to a healthy place and make your relationship choices out of that healthy place.

I recently read an article about a popular comedian, Leslie Jones, who tweeted that she does not feel optimistic about finding a marriage partner for the future because men aren’t noticing that she is working out.

She made the comment that because of that she just may die alone. Her statement reveals a broader issue of how she feels about herself. It appears she isn’t in a healthy enough state about how she perceives herself to date at the present time.

She needs to fall in love with herself to the point where she doesn’t care if any men are noticing her because she notices herself. At that point, she will be whole enough to be noticed by someone who shares the same value for her that she holds for herself. It doesn’t matter what age we are whether 50 or 30. Age is not a requirement for readiness for courtship and marriage. Wholeness is a requirement. Wholeness includes seeing ourselves the right way.

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