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Our Generation’s Fight for Intimacy & Vulnerability Part II

6 Things You Can Do Now to Fulfill the Need for Intimacy & Vunerability

Single believers aren’t alone in the quest for genuine relationships where we can be vulnerable. Our generation at large is feeling the longing for connectivity. Believers, I believe feel the tug more often because we are so peculiar. It takes a bit more for us to connect intimately due to our Biblical value system. The wait, in turn, ends up being longer for a spouse in many cases and if we wait for a spouse to become vulnerable with someone; we can easily develop a fear of intimacy or vulnerability. It’s that vulnerability however that produces the greatest intimacy. When I say intimacy in this article, I am not talking about sex, but about a strong intimate connection and sense of belonging and acceptance.

Don’t wait until you are in a relationship to practice being vulnerable.
Being vulnerable can be scary especially if you’ve had a background of being rejected. I’ve learned to thank God for those situations of  “rejection.” Simply because I trust God to orchestrate my life so that his perfect will will be done. That is what I desire, and therefore I’ve learned through tests and trials to trust God for that. Thus, what appears to be rejection, I don’t really look at as rejection anymore, but God’s leading and guiding.

Because of that foundation, I am not afraid to seek out godly friendships with both guys and girls. Having godly friendships now gives us a place to be vulnerable. This is something that we can currently practice while waiting to meet the right spouse. Being vulnerable with the right people will help you to get past the anxiety of vulnerability and to see the benefits of close connection that vulnerability provide. It will also help you to sharpen your communication skills. So many people get into relationships without knowing how to communicate and may even run from confronting important things and being vulnerable when necessary.

Don’t only practice vulnerability when it appears to make you look good
Don’t only practice vulnerability when it appears to make you look good, but be honest about your mistakes and feelings when necessary. Being vulnerable in the hard places births maturity and helps you to be vulnerable next time. Who knows, maybe you will discover grace in your friendship in a new way. This should bring you closer. 

You will not be able to be open/vulnerable with everyone
Just like you will not be able to be intimate with everyone because vulnerability brings intimacy; you have to be careful who you decide to be vulnerable with. When seeking out godly friendships; we need to make sure that the friendships are trustworthy before being vulnerable. There is nothing worse than bearing your soul to someone who simply doesn’t care about you. This type of person would use it against you. 

Only be vulnerable according to your personality and your peace
This involves knowing yourself. If you simply are an introvert and do not feel comfortable talking with strangers to attempt friendship; perhaps you may want to find another way to show yourself friendly. The Bible is clear: Those who have friends must show themselves friendly (Proverbs 18:24). You may need to work a little harder at stepping out and communicating with people you do not know, but until then practice smiling more and simply being friendly and enjoying life. Hopefully, your extension of friendship and friendliness will come out by accident. When it does; that’s a good thing because that’s really you. It’s the real us that draws other like minded people to us. Not a facade of what we think we should be.

Only be vulnerable according to your level of faith & trust in God
There is a scripture in the Bible that says whatsoever is not of faith is sin (Romans 14:23). If you are seeking godly friendships out of faith that God will lead you to the right one(s); it’s cool. If you are seeking godly friendships out of voids, neediness, and lack of trust in God, it’s sin. Sin is missing the mark. You set yourself up to fell this way.

One of the ways you can be sure you are operating out of faith is that during your seek, you aren’t ready to quit just because someone isn’t interested in you in any type of way. When you’ve entrusted your life and your future over to God; it’s cool if it works, and if it doesn’t because God’s got you. When you live in trust in God, you trust him to open the right doors and close the wrongs ones.

You can actually become thankful for the closed doors or those not interested. If you find that your faith is small in this area, you may need to take a step back and do a deep-dive with God asking him to cleanse and purify your heart while strengthening your faith with the Word of God. God may put you in a deliverance process when you bring this to him and it will be uncomfortable, but go with God’s flow so you can be free.

Stay in expectation of the right one(s)
Continue to extend friendship and walk in God’s joy and favor. This is a benefit of going from broken to whole. When God processes you; he teaches you how to have joy in all situations because your joy comes from Christ and the knowledge of him. Stay firmly rooted in your identity in Christ. You will not be able to have healthy relationships without it. It is staying firm in our identity in Christ that keeps us in expectation. We know we have an inheritance in Christ. Part of that inheritance is knowing that we are fully loved and accepted in Christ (Ephesians 1:5-6). This mindset keeps me going in expectation. God’s word says to be joyful in hope. We can be joyful in celebrating what we know already belongs to us in Christ Jesus. God will do exceeding abundantly above all we could ask or think

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Our Generation’s Fight for Intimacy & Vulnerability

Last week, I talked about whether social media bought us closer or pushed us apart. During, the article the need for intimacy and appropriate vulnerability was highlighted. On Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs intimacy, friendship and belonging come in at #3. Our generation, I believe has had a unique experience concerning this need. We are the generation with 50% singles not necessarily because we want to be, but because many of us have to be. We simply have not met someone yet who meets the standard for our lives.

Let’s be thankful however for having a standard. I do believe that there are some benefits and perks to our generation in that knowledge is everywhere. There is really no excuse not to know something. Because knowledge is everywhere; we simply do not have to make the same mistakes our parents or their parents may have made. We can wait until someone has the same understanding and value system as us and then form the unbreakable bond of marriage.

Thus, the disclaimer that there is nothing wrong with being single. However, sometimes, we can get to an age and stage in life where we desire to settle down and to have a spouse and possibly a family. This is a dream that far too many have not been able to reach. There is a longing desire for intimacy and vulnerability that also at times daunts the believer who wants to also please God with his or her life.

From the outside looking in, some would think this is an easy fix, but it’s really an obstacle course that will require lots of faith. So, I recently released the Wholeness Action Plan book that I’ve been intentionally following to build healthy community which would lead to healthy friendships and hopefully a spouse.

However, my experience like many, has been good and disappointing, but because of an expectation of the good, I continue to press. Practically, we know that it’s easy to find someone to be intimate or vulnerable with as singles desiring marriage, but it’s not easy to find someone to be intimate and vulnerable with who also desires to please God.

Because of the above, I’ve had to pass up good men in hopes of a godly man and I’m sure brothers have had to do the same with some women, but the more discouraging part is being intentional with those who appear to be godly, but just aren’t interested.

I don’t know if religion has made some men feel it is unholy to talk to an attractive Christian woman, the brothers are pursuing someone else, or I’m simply not their type, but the consistent lack of welcoming to begin a friendship that can lead to whatever can easily cause anxiety and fear. This is part of the discomfort our generation faces in desiring intimacy and vulnerability that has gone unfulfilled.

I’ve come to the resolve however that I have to simply press through the anxiety. Anxiety is a form of fear that seeks to get us stuck. It seeks to cause us to stop moving by faith, but instead to begin putting forward protective mechanisms to avoid the fear and anxiety of things not panning out again.

I was recently encouraged to keep moving forward in faith showing myself friendly because one day the right person will respond who also wants to please God. I was reading a portion of my book from the chapter case studies from brokenness to wholeness & rest.

I shared how the woman with the issue of blood had spent all she had moving by faith from one doctor to the next and none of them panned out to her healing and wholeness. She could have failed to continue moving in faith when she had the opportunity to reach out to Jesus. She could have allowed anxiety to paralyze her saying to herself she wants to avoid the discomfort of not seeing what she expected to pane out once again, but she took a chance in faith and kept moving.

Jesus responded to her need healing her.

I want to encourage my fellow Millennials, Gen Xers and all of the above that there is someone out there qualified to respond to your need. However, you cannot allow anxiety to paralyze you from moving forward in faith. You have to press through the discomfort of anxiety by faith in God’s word.

God’s word is what allows you to remain at rest and settled in what he’s said concerning you. God’s word will do the work of keeping and protecting you until your God connection is made. None of those other doctors or healers worked for the woman because it wasn’t the connection God had set aside for her to answer her need.

If God has said he’s got someone for you; believe it. Continue in faith until you get the right response.

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Does Social Media Bring Us Closer Together?

In some aspects, social media does bring us closer together by allowing us to keep up with our high school and college friends that we would not have otherwise been able to keep up with, and connecting us with new people through groups and mutual friends. However, in some ways, social media can also cause us to take each other for granted.

So, recently I’ve been on this 21-day social media fast where I have not gotten on social media except through Hootsuite to post to my blog. Thus, I’ve missed all of my real friends’ and families’ highlights online. Not seeing the highlights of my friends and family on a regular makes me legitimately miss them.

I’ve found myself texting and calling my friends and siblings more since I was no longer keeping up with them on social media. It’s as if seeing the highlights regularly create the illusion that I’ve kept in contact with that friend because I know what’s going on via social media, but social media is so limited and only shows the highlights.

It doesn’t necessarily show the deep things of the heart such as how a person is really feeling or doing. That could be why extremely genuine appearing posts normally garner the most likes because genuineness is not something we’re used to getting from social media. Did we really participate in checking up on and supporting our friends and relatives by simply giving them a like?

I actually have a brief blog series coming up about how our generation longs for and faces the challenge of vulnerability—meaning a safe place to let our hair down and just simply be us. Stay tuned for the upcoming series with some pointers on how to get that vulnerability and genuine intimacy that we need in the weeks to come.

Other things I’ve noticed since being off social media: There is no pull to compete with anyone or to get something done on a particular timeline such as being married or reaching a height within a career. Not focusing so much on others allows us to appropriately focus on ourselves and focus on others in a more intimate and easy to connect fashion.

When building a relationship in real life as opposed to social media; it isn’t just to connect around similar interests, but to connect with the actual person for who he or she is. Social media has gotten really big with business networking and sometimes you cannot tell whether a person is really with you or just networking around business purposes.

I’ve enjoyed my social media fast so much so that it is almost tempting to continue until the end of the year, but if I did that I’d miss out on some of the really good things social media has to offer such as various local events that I otherwise would not have heard of. You know a girl has to go out and have some fun every now and then.

The goal isn’t to get off of social media, but to utilize it in such a way to build stronger valuable connections. This may simply require more boundaries when signing back on such as un-following distracting accounts, and limiting scrolling time to a particular specified time. This will allow for more specificity in how social media is used.

It may also allow us to miss some of the highlights of friends and family causing us to want to check in with them more in person rather than following the illusion that their good because we’ve seen them on social media.

Have you ever done a social media fast? How did it make you feel? Did you feel more connected to people in real life? Share your thoughts below in the comments:

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ONE WORD: RESOLUTE

Have you ever heard someone say, “It was when I got to the point of believing I would never get married, that’s when my spouse came.” I’ve heard that quite a few times, and personally I don’t believe we have to get to a point of disbelieving God. I believe that if God said He is going to do something; we should consider it done and simply began to rest in him.

Our response should be resolute meaning that there is a settling, rest, and resolve within us where we simply believe God and that settles it. Last week, I wrote about how there are Christian blogs and messages all over social media feeding the idolatry of getting to the next place in life which for many is marriage. Many of the people following these blogs, social media trends, and what I call the wind have no resolve about themselves and what God has promised them. Resolve is something birthed out of intimacy with Christ. It’s also confirmed by others who walk intimately with the Lord.

God is not a God of gimmicks. We cannot snap our fingers 3 times and click our heels and become a perfect being to attract a perfect spouse.  As a matter of fact, if our only motivation to become better people is to get a spouse; then there is idolatry already involved.

As believers, we should be transformed daily by the renewing of our mind into the image and glory of Christ (2 Corinthians 3:18), not seeking to be transformed purely to get a spouse. I pray against the idolatry of ambition that takes us away from intimacy with Christ, and I pray for the intimacy with God in our lives that would cause us to be resolute in all that God has promised.

Resolute: admirably purposeful, determined, and unwavering.

Resolute comes from the word resolve. We should be so at rest and at peace in Christ concerning all that He has said that we are resolved with the issue of marriage and any other issues that God has spoken on. When we are resolved we walk in a place of rest and peace instead of dis-ease trying to figure out the next thing. We have to be intentional about guarding that peace.

Remaining resolved and focusing on things that would strengthen our resolve is one way to guard our peace. Not walking in a place of resolve also robs us of enjoying today.

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It’s Okay To Desire Marriage & Still Enjoy Your Right Now

I was recently talking with a friend and sis in Christ about how there is so much pressure on social media to get to your next place in life that it makes it difficult to enjoy right now. Women are running after the latest fad to become a wife so they can be found. Everyone is trying to level up to their next boss status making it big and successful, but what about the people who are plowing their field right now and remaining faithful?
Truthfully, it’s hard to keep focused and remain faithful when everything else is telling you that where you are at right now isn’t good enough. People may not always see our faithfulness in a big way because God’s timing hasn’t caught up to his promise yet in our lives, but I do not believe that means that we should panic and try to skip our now for the next big thing.

My Bible says not to despise the day of small beginnings. It says that if we are faithful in little things we will be made faithful in much. Is the body of Christ adopting the standards of the world that has to see it all to believe it is truth? What happened to walking by faith and being thankful with where God has currently placed us to work and to grow and to be an example to someone else that it is possible to remain faithful to God where we are?
If everyone gets married right away; how will people know that God can keep a single woman or man for his glory and his purpose? Are we really hearing, submitting to, and following the Spirit of the living God for our lives? Do we have that channel of communication open where we can hear God in an undistracted manner–without the distraction of pressure from others that seek to tell us where we need to be in life?

Yes, I do desire to be married one day, but I refuse to not enjoy my today worried about when and how tomorrow will happen. I know it will happen because God has promised it. Neither do I have to be worried about preparing to be a wife because I am the bride of Christ. There is much preparation learned on a day to day of walking with the Lord. Also, the Word says those whom the Lord calls he qualifies. God will qualify those he has called to be wives and husbands. When fear and anxiety are the motivation for preparation; it may not be preparation, but idolatry.

Don’t miss the enjoyment of today by trying to overcompensate for tomorrow. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Get wisdom, get knowledge, but don’t allow the wisdom, knowledge, or assumptions of others to cause you to avoid hearing and knowing God for yourself. Don’t allow it to become a stumbling block to you causing you to become weary or anxious. Sometimes, we need to leave our trust in the Lord and simply enjoy life.

The Bible says to eat, drink, and be merry is our inheritance for our labor. If you’ve been faithful, walking out God’s word and have not seen God’s promise yet; don’t focus on it so much. Focus on enjoying life and continuing to build up your faith in Christ by nurturing yourself in the Lord. There are some things only God will be able to provide. There is some comfort only the Holy Spirit will be able to give you.

Keep being you. Keep being consistent. Keep doing the things that make you smile. Go to the spa. Get your nails done. Keep your hair cute. Rock your cute outfits. Travel from time to time, and be intentional with making godly friendships with both women and men. One day you will be pleasantly surprised that you’ve graduated from one place of grace and glory to another when God’s time meets up with his promise for you and you will have enjoyed the ride.
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I don’t believe it’s God’s will for us to always be fighting for our worth and value as single believers. Some of the fights we enter into can be avoided by simply not focusing on things that will distract. Be led by the Spirit and you will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh including anxiety, weariness, doubt, fear, and unbelief. Keep your joy in the Lord. It’s the joy of the Lord that he’s given you right now that will be your strength. God has also given us peace. We have to guard our peace and guard our hearts. A large part of doing so is enjoying our today.

Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin, to see the
​plumb line in Zerubbabel’s hand.” – Zecharaiah 4:10

“If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities. – Luke 16:10 (NLT)

It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God. –
2 Corinthians 3:5

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. – Matthew 6:34

So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun. – Ecclesiastics 8:15 (NIV)

So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. – Galatians 5:16 (NIV)

Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” – Nehemiah 8:10 (NIV)

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. – John 14:27 (NIV)

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Michelle Williams’ YouVersion Plan: “Anxiety & Depression Finding Hope…”

Michelle Williams Has a New Bible Plan on YouVersion

So, this weekend an alert popped up on my Google stories showing that Michelle Williams has a new Bible plan, “Anxiety & Depression: Finding Hope with Michelle Williams.” I was anxious to check it out noting how Michelle Williams has been an advocate for mental and emotional health. I did the day one devotion and here is what I found:

The plan is packed with short and powerful nuggets to shift our mindsets from anxiety to freedom, trust, and rest in the Lord. Day one rehearsed the below scripture:

​Blessed be God–
he heard me praying.
He proved he’s on my side;
I’ve thrown my lot in with him.
Now I’m jumping for joy,
and shouting and singing my thanks to him. – Psalms 28:6-7 (MSG)

Her focus on day 1 was looking to the Lord for our joy and strength. I love the part in scripture that says, “I’ve thrown my lot in with him.” This means I’ve signed up to take the risk of following and walking with God. Risk infers that we do not necessarily know the outcome. Hence, this is how anxiety arises by not knowing and worrying about what we do not know, but because we are taking the risk of trusting in the Lord; we know that the outcome will be good because God is good and God is faithful.
Another scripture she mentions on day 1 is the below scripture:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

The above scripture spoke to the Israelites just as they were about to go into bondage to the kingdom of Babylon for 70 years. God did not want his people to worry that things would be the same forever. He wanted them to have a sure hope and future in what he said, planned, and promised to them. 

Sometimes, when we’ve been in the same situation for so long; it can seem as if things will never change or never get better. That’s when we are challenged to either believe our circumstances or to believe what God has said. Joshua 1:8 says to meditate on God’s word day and night and not allow it to depart from our mouths this is how we will make our way prosperous and have good success. This is the time to apply that scripture.
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I encourage you to begin and complete Michelle’s Bible plan on the YouVersion Bible App. It has so many nuggets that will cause you to think on more and more nuggets from God’s word until you are finally free of any and all oppression from the anxiety and fear that seeks to rob us of God’s blessing of peace and promise for our lives.

Let’s start by embracing the two principles from day one:

1.) Let’s take the risk of putting all of our trust in the Lord believing God for a good outcome.
2.) Let’s choose to continue to believe God no matter what it looks like realizing that things will not always be the same as they appear today. Things will get better.

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New KB Documentary Drifting & Sneak Peak into Q&A

Recently, I attended a screening and intimate Q&A with KB as we watched his new short film drifting. The documentary is based on his song art of drifting. The film features KB & Joseph Solomon as they discuss the responsibility the believer has to hold true to the faith by producing fruit (consistent works that confirm our faith in God.)

The film warns against losing fear for God and using God in a capitalistic way to only make money off of being a believer instead of truly living as a believer. KB spoke of some brothers he’d been on the road with who were frequenting strip clubs and cheating on their spouses. It grieved KB’s heart and caused him to wonder how they drifted so far.

It caused a greater fear to grow in his heart to not allow himself to drift away from the foundation he has in Christ and the heart to seek to please God.  KB shared the below quote:
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“I do need to ask myself: Do I simply want Jesus, or do I just want what Jesus can do for me through my career?”

KB warned about having the right community around who has the same mission and goal to honor Christ with his music and career. He shared a greater need for us as believers to decrease our dependence on money, and to bridle some of our desires for things to avoid debt. This will put ministers in a greater position to continue to speak the truth rather it poses risk to decrease financial contributions or sales. In doing so, believers will be bold in teaching and preaching the truth with or without the financial support of others.
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Kb also mentioned the importance of dealing with sin referencing a passage in 1 Corinthians 5 where Paul admonished the Corinthian church to excommunicate a brother giving him over to Satan so that he would later be saved. See scriptures below:

For I verily, as absent in body, but present in spirit, have judged already, as though I were present, concerning him that hath so done this deed, In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when ye are gathered together, and my spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ,
To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus. Your glorying is not good. Know ye not that a little leaven leaveneth the whole lump? – 1 Corinthians 5:3-6

The above scriptures are telling of Apostle Paul responding to sexual immorality in the church that was being overlooked by church leaders. Paul was instructing them to deal with the sin or else it would get worse.

KB referenced an encounter where he and other church leaders had to apply the principle when dealing with a brother who was intentionally preying on women in the church using his knowledge of the Word of God to seduce women.
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When KB was asked about the questions he would like his community to ask him to ensure that he isn’t drifting he shared the below:

1. How are your eyes? (This ensuring accountability in avoiding lust)
2. Are you fighting against your inclination to value other women’s bodies over your wife?
3. He needs someone to ask him about his history on Instagram and/or his time on social media?
4. Do you feel like you are in a winter where it is dry and cold and you don’t know where God is etc.?

What season are you in?
Question #1 emphasized the below scripture:

The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.
But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness! – Matthew 6:22 (KJV)

This inferring that what you focus on will direct your whole body. People get caught up in sin for focusing on the wrong things. Finally, he shared that as we see others drift that we should go deeper into God and as we do; we will begin to see revival.

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A Barrier to Hearing God is a Hardened Heart

A Barrier to Hearing God is a Hardened Heart

When we think of a hardened heart, we think hard, impliable, and impossible to get through to. We think of someone who is mean and stubborn, but someone with a hardened heart may not always manifest it in a big way. Someone with a hardened heart could show it in what one of my former pastors used to call silent rebellion.

Silent rebellion is simply following our own way without making a big fuss. Jonah was one who had a hardened heart. He was one who sought his own way despite knowing the instruction of the Lord. Clearly, he had his own agenda that he wanted to see done instead of God’s will. Some say that the Ninevites were arch enemies to Israel who were very violent to the point of skinning Israelites alive. Nahum 3:1-4 warns of the utter violence and lawlessness of Nineveh.

Nineveh was the land that Jonah was told by God to preach to when Jonah intentionally went in the opposite direction. He did this because he allowed his heart to become hard, stuck, and set on his way in spite of what God said.

I think we can all allow our hearts to become hardened at times when it comes to making life decisions. We all can exalt our opinion above others including God’s voice. This is why God warns in his Word not to harden our hearts when God speaks.

As it has been said: “Today if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts, as you did in the rebellion.” – Hebrews 3:15

It’s sort of embarrassing to admit that we at times can have hardened hearts that cause us to rebel against God’s voice, but it’s reality. It’s a part of man’s proneness to stray away from God. However, being aware of this proneness to stray; urges us to humble ourselves and ask God for grace in this area. His grace will cause us to trust him more and to respond in faith and obedience toward his voice instead of hardness and rebellion. 

Even I’ve been guilty of this. When I renewed my car insurance for liability only, instead of full coverage, when the Lord told me to add full coverage. Part of the reason, I did not add the full coverage was because I was comfortable with doing it my way instead of allowing myself to be pliable to do it God’s way. I thought my way was more cost-effective, but in the end, God’s way was.

In what ways could God be speaking to you that you are ignoring in hardness or stubbornness of heart?

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Don’t Just Desire Marriage, Desire God’s Standard for Marriage!

Don’t Just Desire Marriage, Desire God’s Standard for Marriage

Marriage is clearly a good thing to desire, but it cannot become a greater desire in our lives than living to please God. If we do allow the desire for marriage to become greater than our desire to please God, it becomes an idol in our lives. Idols are only counterfeits for the real thing. This means that when we worship idols of any kind we set ourselves up to invite counterfeit replicas of the real thing into our lives.

God has more for us his daughters than counterfeits. God’s word says that he has come to give us life and that more abundantly. God’s word also says the below promising us all things needed:

He that spared not His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? – Romans 8:32

The above scripture promises us all things needed including godly marriage for those God has placed that desire in. We can have that if we believe that. Somehow many women have failed to believe that is for them, and that they can experience marriage God’s way and so they settle. We settle against God’s command not to be unequally yoked together with an unbeliever.

We’ve looked to marriage as an idol to heal us from the pain that is causing us to make the poor choice of choosing an unbeliever in the first place. Often that pain comes from a sense of lack. We lack love from a potential spouse. We lack loving ourselves, and we may not be properly receiving the love of God at that moment.

Proof that God loves us isn’t an easy care-free life. It’s a life of overcoming. It’s his grace making our paths straight when we so easily get off track. It’s many things and people that God has placed in our lives. Sometimes, we have to pray for God to open our eyes and cause us to see what we really do have instead of focusing on what we lack.

When we view anything as an idol; that idol becomes our lesson of how much we genuinely need God. The idol becomes our lesson on how much we genuinely need to submit to doing things God’s way. There is a scripture that confirms this. See below:

When you cry out for help, let your collection of idols save you! The wind will carry all of them off, a mere breath will blow them away. But whoever takes refuge in me will inherit the land and possess my holy mountain.” – Isaiah 57:13

God will remove his hand of protection enough for those trusting in idols to see that the idol is insufficient to heal, deliver, and sustain, but those who trust in the Lord will inherit the promises of God.

Could your idolatry of marriage be a trust issue? Is there something that occurred in your life and heart that caused you to lose your trust in God? What can you do to restore that trust in him? Believe me, sis! I’ve been there before myself. I remember being at a point in my life where I was so broken that it became a strain for me to trust God concerning the area of an appropriate spouse. At that point, a counterfeit was sent into my life, but the awesome thing is God was with me throughout every disappointment and experience.

It was awesome! I cannot lie to anyone about my walk, the only reason that I overcame was because of God being with me. I remember a prophet coming to my job and affirming me where I needed to be affirmed about who I was and why I was not allowed to be with just any guy. Then the prophet said and now Satan is going to try to get you to have sex. Sure enough, that is what my counterfeit wanted, but I made sure those boundaries were strong as the Lord allowed him to be removed out of my life.

You see, God will protect us because we are his and we are highly valuable. We have to cooperate with the Lord, however. When we operate out of rebellion seeking to make things work with a counterfeit despite God’s warning, we are setting ourselves up for more pain. No one in this world will escape dealing with some type of pain. It is better to go through with God than against God.

This post is to help you evaluate where you are in your decision for a lifelong partner. Again, there is nothing wrong with desiring that, but we have to make sure we desire to please God first meaning we aren’t letting down God’s standard for us just to have a man. 

We should be using our single time wisely by enjoying it, growing and learning about ourselves, being made firm in our identity and purpose, and simply enjoying intimate fellowship with the Lord. This will provide for us the stability and discernment to choose a suitable match for us. We can then, choose someone who has been doing the same thing in his singleness and two whole people can get together for the glory of God.

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Introduction to The Wholeness Action Plan Video

Introduction to The Wholeness Action Plan – Video

The video is a brief introduction to “The Wholeness Action Plan.” I begin discussing how we as believers often walk around carrying things that make us broken. We fail to access the transparency needed to begin healing and trust in God by ignoring there is a problem in the first place.

Further, I discuss how there are many benefits to someone who is broken, and how God uses brokenness to our benefit as believers.

​For the High and Exalted One, who lives forever, whose name is holy, says this: “I live in a high and holy place, and with the oppressed and lowly of spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and revive the heart of the oppressed. – Isaiah 57:5 (CSB)

The above scripture points to one of the most beneficial uses of brokenness by God and that is to cause dependence on him. God doesn’t necessarily cause brokenness, but when brokenness comes, God shows up. There is a special intimacy with God that is attained in broken places. This is when we begin to see God and we begin to recognize our need for him. We tend to appreciate him more in this place than when things are going well.

I dismantle the lie that we have to do something wrong to end up in a broken place. Often, it is the case that many have not done anything wrong, but God has allowed them to suffer for his own glory.

If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. – 1 Peter 4:14

Many believers are persecuted and spoken of in a demeaning manner as if they have been in sin and that is why they are going through brokenness. That is not always true. Many of our great leaders have experienced brokenness without doing anything wrong. Take Martin Luther King Jr., who was jailed as an innocent man among many other things, Nelson Mandela, who was also jailed as an innocent man who fought apartheid, and of course, the greatest, Jesus Christ, who knew no sin, but became sin for us.
Many have suffered brokenness to bring God glory and effect unusual change. Don’t underestimate those who are broken and who suffer.

Further points covered in the video include brokenness as an indicator of promotion when nothing is done wrong to induce it. I discuss the fight to maintain the right mindset during this type of a circumstance. Please, view the video below and leave your comments or order the book at www.holyneckswirl.com

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