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The Importance of Wholeness Before Entering a Relationship – Part I

Wholeness is a very important thing to have in our lives prior to entering into a relationship, but before we share key points on why it’s so important, we have to first define what wholeness is. Wholeness has a lot to do with how we see things. When we see things properly, we can prevent ourselves from having crippling perspectives that cause us to become stagnant in life.
 
Often, negative experiences and circumstance are what cause us to have perspectives that aren’t appropriately balanced. For example, the woman who proclaims that all men are out to use her and discard her probably has an imbalanced perspective. Why? Because she has discounted all of the men out there who are willing to love, protect, and honor her for who she is.
 
Out of the wrong perspectives grow other things such as pessimism, fear, a cold-shoulder, or being excessively guarded––all because an improper perspective was not dealt with. When we become whole individuals, there is a settling, rest, and peace in truly balanced perspectives.  We are healthy in our thinking about ourselves, and others which results in healthy actions and decisions made for every area of our lives. Even the Bible discusses how important wholeness is to prosper in life.

Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in “good health”, another term for wholeness, just as your soul prospers. – 3 John 1:2

The above scripture provides a very important key to wholeness; wholeness happens from our inside first, and then it manifests outwardly into every area of our lives. This means that outward circumstances should not affect our wholeness or good health, but our wholeness or good health within ourselves should affect our outward circumstances.

Side note: Our soul is our mind, will, and emotions. When we are whole in these, we will be whole regardless of what life throws at us. Many people have not come to an inward resolve about their personal wholeness in how they see themselves and others. Thus, when entering into a relationship, many people make unnecessary mistakes that could have been avoided had they only been whole.

Wholeness is important for an individual to be settled within his/her-self

When we are settled in who we are, we’ve simply fully accepted ourselves. This doesn’t mean we’ve become complacent not seeking to grow. It does mean that we understand that as God created us; we are worthy of the best. We do not have to compromise who we are to fit someone else’s approval in order to have a relationship. We are firm on our standard even when it means being alone for a season. When dating, we will meet people who simply don’t hold our standard, and we are okay with not continuing the relationship any further because we can foresee the unnecessary conflict that will ensue if we compromise who we are. We realize that at some point we will regret that we’ve settled into something that we are not, just to have a relationship, and thus we consider it not worth it to do so.

Click here to view more about my book on wholeness.
Stay tuned for next week’s part II on the importance of wholeness before entering a relationship.

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Learn to Recognize the Counsel of Fear:

The only way we will not make decisions based off of our fears in life is if we learn to recognize when fear is speaking to us. Fear has a voice. It urges us to make decisions based on fear of the unknown, the future, or the way things have been.

There will be times where we will have to push through and past fear making choices in spite of the feelings and ideas of fear. There will be other times where we will be required to walk in a whole new direction ignoring the voice of fear altogether.

Recently, I was on the phone with one of my sisters in the Lord sharing with her how fear tried to counsel me into speaking with a gentleman that I in the past did not feel was a good match for me. We briefly had a conversation that showed me he was not ready for a woman like me. He still had many old-school ideas of the woman being under a man instead of walking with a man side by side to help him and partake in a mutually satisfying relationship.

I decided no, and he did too. A year later, we ran into each other at a conference, and I could tell he thought I was cute in person. We had only met over social media and on the phone before. I was honored to meet him as well because I grew up listening to his music. He is an artist. I got a text message from him later the next week, and the thought crossed my mind again of whether I should consider him or not.

I prayed about it and considered why we did not pursue anything further before and was settled with that. However, the next morning, I awakened and strange thoughts of fear were in my mind. Thoughts like, “You are getting older, who knows how much longer you will have to wait, You don’t want to be in the same position several years down the line.” Immediately, I recognized those thoughts as the counsel of fear.

Those thoughts stemmed from a pull from the enemy to get me to think of my future from a position of fear and perceived lack. When we make choices out of fear we only settle. We should make choices out of fullness and surety that we want to move forward. God will give us peace when he is counseling us. God does not speak like fear. God speaks the language of more than enough.

This is why we have to be familiar with the wisdom of God; so we will not follow the counsel of fear. Anything that seeks to lead us by fear is not God. God does not give us a spirit of fear. He gives us love, power, and a sound mind.

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Sharing My Journey: How I came to Resolve as A Single Woman Over 30

Three years ago, I started chronicling my journey as a single woman via video blogs. I started at age 33. Now, at age 35, I am more resolved than I’ve ever been before. In the most, recent video blog, I cover a few perspectives that helped to get me to that place of resolve. If you’ve been following my blogs on Intercession For A Generation, much of this will be a review for you.

No Longer Looking at Myself from a Perspective of Lack

One of Satan’s greatest strategies against those who seek to honor God in their singleness is to cause us to believe the lie that we are missing something. He will show us all of our friends, associates, and others who have disobeyed God in areas where we have taken a stand and how blessed they are.  Then he wants us to look back at ourselves to see that we are without a relationship or loving spouse.

This breeds the lie that it isn’t worth it to obey God and that we need to modify who we are to compromise like others to be blessed from God. It is, however, a lie produced by fear.

Romans 8:15 discusses how we have been adopted as sons of God and thus are no longer slaves to fear. Fear of what? Fear of lack and doing without? When we look at what we are doing to glorify God as work that has not paid off; we operate out of fear.

When we look at what we’ve done for the glory of God out of submission to Christ as his son; we operate out of expectation of our inheritance in Christ. We will not be blessed with a spouse because of our work for Christ, but our inheritance in Christ as sons.

Further, we aren’t sons because we are good, but because God adopted us. This is the proper perspective that frees us of the perspective of worry, lack, and fear, and it gives God the proper glory due to his name.

Competition Becomes Defeated With the Proper Perspective

Competition no longer becomes an issue when we understand that no one receives from God because they are good, but because God is good, and God adopts us as his children not the other way around.

A Greater Resolve to Obey God During the Hard Times
I mention a scripture in the video where many of Jesus’ follower’s turned away from him during a hard time. Jesus discerned them pointing out that they were only seeking him for what they could get from him. The hard times that we go through in Christ show us what’s in our hearts. Are we seeking God for what we can get from him? Are we only seeking God because we want a spouse? Those that seek God for what He can do for them only do not remain. Those that seek God for who He is; receive his power and grace to obey through the hard times because they have learned to love him.

Suffering is a prerequisite in the kingdom of God before inheritance. It actually proves we are ready for it. It proves we want the God who gives it more than the gift. Examine yourself as to where you are in this process. The Lord will correct anywhere where we may be off if we come to him.

“From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.” – John 6:66

“If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.” – John 14:15 

“Now if we are children, then we are heirs-heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory” –  Romans 8:17

Resolved to Enjoy My Life Right Now
We have to keep our focus on Jesus to enjoy life right now. Focusing on what everyone else is doing, and what everyone else has to say will cause us to long for the future so much so that we despise today. This will cause us to begin making desperate choices to change our today into something else God may not be calling us to just yet. Do you trust God to lead you, guide you, and to get you ready for the inheritance that he has for you, or do you out of fear feel like you better work for it or else you will lose your chance? 

Enjoying today is not a place of complacency or fear so we should not worry about losing out. This place actually provides greater clarity for what we are supposed to be doing now. It makes us more productive. Operating out of fear for the future causes us to lose time trying to work for something God already intends to give us. Seek God on this and allow him to settle you.

Watch the video below to listen to the Word of God taught in such a way as to settle you. God loves us so much that he would have me go through the same thing that many other Christian women go through while giving me his word to teach and settle our hearts toward the Lord:

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Why Does God Allow Disasters & Heartache That Man Experiences On Earth?

God created us in his image
This is a very common question that many men bring up, and it has been answered in the word of God. God gave this responsibility over to man. God gave every man free will. In addition to a free will, God gave man dominion over everything concerning the earth. That’s every living creature, vegetation, skies, seas, everything within the earth realm has been given over to the dominion of man.

The Bible is also clear that we were made in God’s image and likeness. That means that we are to reflect God in the earth. If we aren’t clear on how to do that; we have an example of that in Jesus Christ, yet not only Jesus Christ, but others in the scripture who have understood this mantle and taken it on well.

One of the way’s God expresses his image is to preserve life
Noah is one of the early people who understood that mantle well to reflect the image and dominion of God in the earth as a man. We see that through the story of the flood, Noah allowed himself to be used as an instrument to preserve life. Not only was he used to preserve the lives of his wife, sons, and their wives, but all living creatures on the earth. The earth was subjected to destruction because of the evil of man. The innocent animals were subjected to destruction because of the evil of man, but God found one man willing to be used as an instrument to preserve life, and thus a pair of every living thing that man had been given dominion over was preserved through one man’s obedience.

Your obedience is attached to preserving someone else’s life
The scripture talks about how the earth was subjected to decay by the will of the one who subjected it in the hope that the sons of God would come into the revelation of who they are and experience God’s intended glory (See Romans 8:19-21).

What are the scriptures saying? They are saying that mankind has the authority to stop the earthquakes, mass shootings, drive-by shootings, and all of the ill things that we experience. How? By coming into the revelation of who we are and what we are to do here. Jesus Christ is referenced in scripture as the last Adam. Adam, meaning man (See 1 Corinthians 15:22). After the first Adam, in the Garden of Eden, gave away the authority he’d been given to the serpent through deception; God had to send himself as a man to gain that authority back as a man—exampling to man how we ought to walk out our authority.

We ought to obey God when it is hard, tough, and sometimes doesn’t make any sense, and in doing so, someone else’s life will be saved. With Jesus, all men have a chance at salvation. With Noah, the human race was preserved through the judgment of God on sin and evil. What will be your story? In what ways is God challenging you to obey him, so that someone else’s life will be preserved? Let’s walk worthy of the calling of God in Christ Jesus.

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. – Ephesians 4:1

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Single Women & Men: You’re Responsible for Guarding Your Own Heart!

Recently, I was watching an episode of the OWN television show, “Ready to Love.” There is a woman on there named Melinda who was crushing hard on a brotha named Aaron. The premise of the show is for the contestants on the show to get to know each other and hopefully walk away with love.

The ladies eliminated most of the men leaving behind 3 brothas, one of them being Aaron. Melinda liked Aaron from day one and they have talked, texted, face-timed, but Aaron was never shown on the show professing his affection solely for Melinda aside from all of the other girls.

Melinda prematurely mentioned to the other ladies while they were out painting that she has already had sex with Aaron in her mind. She laid claim to this man publicly without him laying claim to her. That’s a no-no. She was moving ahead of herself and not guarding her heart. When we call a relationship prematurely, not allowing the man to lead with clarity that he wants just us; we fail to guard our hearts, and we set ourselves up to be disappointed. A man should declare publicly that you are his girl. It should not be a secret thing only between the two of you.

Later, Melinda is shown snapping on Aaron, when Aaron shares that he isn’t interested in her. Yes, Aaron led her on to a degree, flirting, face-timing, and sending text messages that made Melinda think there was more there, but Melinda did not take her responsibility to protect her own heart seriously. Due to her lust and infatuation, she felled to see the signs everyone seen all along and that was that Aaron just wasn’t that into her.

 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. – Proverbs 4:23

Ms. Melinda did not guard her own heart. Instead, she projected the fault toward Aaron. Yes, he had some fault, but we cannot throw ourselves at men as women and expect them to fix our lack of love. Melinda shared as she walked away hurt that she wanted someone to love her for her. In order for her to get someone who loves her for her; she has to love herself for her. That means that she has to protect herself for her own personal sanity. 

It becomes unattractive when we lose control of our discernment and self-preservation to lust, infatuation, and fantasy. Fantasy isn’t real, and what we fantasize about may never come to pass. Thus, when the fantasy blows up in our face, we are left disappointed. It’s better to remain sober. There is a time and place for everything under the sun. The time to fantasize is not before we get the man, but afterward.

After we get the man (meaning husband), we can turn some of our would be fantasies into reality. Until then, we need to be sober. Guard our hearts, and ready ourselves for love by choosing wisely. It isn’t a wise choice to want a man who doesn’t want us. We are worth more. We have to woman up and move on. There will be a man out there who will value us as we value ourselves–maybe even more. It may take us being single and becoming more in tune with our value and our worth first before we meet this type of man. Whatever, you do, don’t neglect to guard your heart.

The same goes for the brothas. Single men, you need to guard your heart as well. Deal with potentials at the reality at hand and not at the wishful thinking of a fantasy. If a girl is showing you she isn’t feeling you move on. I will say that sometimes a woman will be feeling a brotha, but the brotha doesn’t know how to approach the woman. For example, if you meet a girl on social media, and you exchange numbers with her; then call her and have a conversation with her first. Let her know you get her and she gets you first before you start sending good morning beautiful text messages every day.

If no strong foundation is being built through mental connection and communication, all that’s left is an emotional connection or a lust built connection. Please, note that emotions and lust aren’t enough to build a sustainable relationship. Emotional connections and lust connections take a potential relationship up fast which normally results in going down fast. Learn to guard your heart, work on your communication skills so you can present yourself to a woman beyond an emotional fantasy of stroking her eagle about her looks and physical beauty. Be real, open, and transparent showcasing who you are mentally and spiritually, and the emotional and physical connection will grow organically at a more sober and steadied pace.

Women of God, Do you guard your heart when a guy pursues you? Men of God, do you guard your heart when you pursue a woman? Men of God, do you send good morning beautiful text messages without building a firm foundation with the woman via conversation?

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How Do You Deal With Your Insecurities?

Acts 17:5-8 Tells the story of some Jews who had become jealous of the acceptance and fame of Paul & Silas. Their message of Christ had been growing in acceptance and many prominent Jew and Greek men and women began to accept and believe in the message.

Thus, the Jews stored up a commotion dragging a gentleman, who had hosted Paul and Silas in his home out to face the people. His name was Jason.

The insecurities of the Jews were shown through their action. They were no longer on top. They were no longer the authorities of utmost importance with the hot word of the day. Because someone else was being used by God in that way, they became jealous and insecure.

They had been getting their worth from their positions as Jewish religious leaders instead of from intimately knowing and learning God. This created a war inside of them that caused them to lash out at the targets Paul and Silas who were no longer accessible, so they moved on to the next target–the host Jason.

Have you ever gotten your worth from what you’ve done only to see someone else do it better? Maybe God can be using the other person as a mirror in your life to show you yourself and your need to find your security and worth in Christ and what he says about you instead of how others accept or perceive you.

Have you ever found yourself so insecure regarding someone else’s talent or skill given by God that you sought to bring the other person down, gossiping, pointing the finger, and simply looking for faults in that person? We’ve all probably been tempted to feel this way before.

The Jews in the story sought to put someone else in bondage because of their bondage of insecurity. That is an unhealthy pattern of our weak flesh when we are insecure. Instead of projecting our insecurities on others, we should plain and simply give them to God allowing him to heal, restore, speak over, and settle us in how he made us. Unnecessary commotions and riots caused like the one above signal an inner riot where we need our own personal worth affirmed by God himself once again. 

What are some things that you put into practice when you recognize your insecurities are spilling out unto others?  Do you feel that you, like the Jews, in the above mentioned passage of scripture, have to be the center-point of attention? Are you willing to humble yourself and appear lesser for the sake of the kingdom of God?

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Hard Conversations: Let’s Talk Divorce Part I (Commentary on Christon Gray’s Recent Interview)

Recently, I viewed a couple of videos online that bought into public view one of the hard topics in the body of Christ and that is divorce. Christon Gray and Datin have been public this year on the personal divorces they’ve experienced.

Next week, we can discuss more regarding Datin’s divorce. However, this week I’d like to briefly discuss Christon Gray’s divorce and new marriage. Christon had some indiscretions that he confessed to during an interview with Sway from Sway in the Morning. He met his current wife while he was still married to his first wife. He made some decisions and mistakes that were contrary to scripture or and sound doctrine due to his immaturity and brokenness that he had inside. 

He briefly discussed how he went to therapy to get help with a sex addiction as he attempted to right his wrongs. He and his first wife have moved on from the first marriage and any mistakes done, and Christon is starting from a new slate with his new wife.

The new wife, his previous wife, Christon, and child are trying to make things work from where they stand in relation to one another right now. One could only wonder within themselves how can they make it work after such a big mess? How can life continue on as normal after divorce especially when Christon is a Christian?

First, I’d like to say, I’m proud of Christon for going public with his situation and owning his part in the divorce and the work toward wholeness as he tries again in his new marriage. We have to be careful as believers not to put people in a box when it comes to sin condemning them to their mistakes for the rest of their lives. Healing and mercy is supposed to begin after confession and repentance.

​Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. – James 5:16 (NIV)

People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy. – Proverbs 28:13 (NLT)

The standard the word of God has against divorce is very high. It takes very strongly committed people who utilize the grace of God in their lives along with wisdom to avoid it. Those who tend to fall into divorce are generally judged harshly. We treat them as if divorce is the unpardonable sin. I can understand it because divorce is hard to wrap our minds around, but divorce is not the unpardonable sin.

When we are confused as to how we should view a hard situation. We should always look to Jesus for clarity by searching his Word.

There was a very similar situation in the Bible where a woman was caught in the act of adultery–an act that is a justification for divorce. Jesus brought clarity to the perception of those who immediately wanted to pick up their stones and condemn by doing the following:

1.    He placed the accusers in the position of the offender asking them to cast the first stone
       if they can look at themselves and find that they are without sin.

2.    Jesus asked the woman to go and sin no more.

How impactful could the body of Christ be if we learned to look at people through the eyes of not seeking to condemn them, but to empower and raise them up when they fall into sin–even sins that we look at more harshly like divorce?

​Brethren, if a man is overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such a one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. – Galatians 6:1 (KJV)

Jesus did not justify the woman’s sin by calling her accusers off of her and telling her to sin no more. He acknowledged that she did wrong and that everyone does wrong to some extent. We all fall short. I think sometimes we feel as though if we do not judge people harshly, we are justifying their sin, but there is a way to acknowledge sin as sin without condemning and judging harshly. It starts with considering ourselves and that we all need Jesus.

We can in a sense allow the faults of others to remind us of our need for Christ. This is where Jesus Christ comes in providing clarity along with his grace. The Bible says where there is much sin; there is much grace (Romans 5:20.)

This is a picture of the gospel over again. The woman caught in the sin of adultery is a picture of the gospel over again. Christon Gray and his situation is a picture of the gospel over again. It is very messy, but Christ died for the messy parts of us.

Do you find that you tend to judge those who are divorced more harshly condemning them to that sin for the rest of their lives? Comment below

Watch the video interview below of Christon Gray and his new wife:

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Defense Mechanisms in the Personality That Push Others Away:

Sometimes when we have un-dealt with insecurities or anxieties, we attempt to protect ourselves with defense mechanisms. I’ve seen this in some people who are close to me, and even in myself. Some people joke around more than normal when they are anxious as a defense mechanism. Sometimes, the joking may even seem annoying because it doesn’t seem to fit the situation. Others will project attention on the other person–normally in an accusatory way.

For example, a person who feels insecure in a particular area may attempt to belittle another person’s knowledge base or experience in that area if the other person appears to have it together. This takes the attention off of the person accusing and places it on the other person in conversation. In doing so, the projector feels that he has successfully protected himself, yet he remains clueless or insecure in his ability to resolve his own insecurity.

Another example is being sarcastic. The sarcastic person simply says things out of the blue that may or may not make sense and may be offensive. It also distracts from him or herself. Below I will share some things that I believe will help those who fall into defense mechanisms to protect their personalities:

Consider that you may be prideful

A prideful person is always looking to be perfect and have it all together, but the reality is that we all need help sometimes. Even God says that He gives grace to the humble. This means that it is okay to humble ourselves sharing that we may not know something or we may not have it altogether. When we practice humility allowing ourselves to be vulnerable; we gain wisdom instead of shame. The prideful person pretends to have it together and falls on his fanny.

When pride comes, then comes shame, but with humility comes wisdom. – Proverbs 11:2 (NHEB)

Return to Your Foundation in Christ at All Times 

One foundational truth that is key is the fact that we are fully accepted and fully loved. This is shown in Ephesians 1 where God discusses how he has adopted us and accepted us into the Beloved body of Christ. We are God’s beloved. We will need to often return to our foundation in order to hold up in life. When you think about a foundation, think about a house that is built on a foundation so that it can withstand any storm. God built the fact that we are fully accepted and fully loved into our DNA as believers in Christ. We should return to this often. This means that even if we make a mistake, don’t impress people, or don’t do something right, we are still loved–because God’s love is unconditional. We cannot earn it.

Having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will,  to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved. – Ephesians 1:5-6

Trust the Community That God Gives You

If God has set you up with people who love you like him and tell you the truth; you are in a place of safety. Don’t run from this safety. Accept it. Be vulnerable with this safety trusting God to love you through these people. When your community makes a mistake forgive them and keep on going. God places people in families and communities to ensure that we are healthy. You cannot do this on your own, but with each of these tools; you will be able to overcome your coping mechanisms and begin to depend and act more from your identity in Christ.

Often those used to fighting and defending themselves also fight their communities as well instead of embracing them. When your community sees your defense mechanism; they may point it out in love. If they do so, don’t fight them. Just submit what you’ve been shown to the Lord and ask him to give you the wisdom to overcome your defense mechanism. Ask him to show you in his Word where you can build yourself up in your insecurities until they fall away completely. Your community is there to sharpen you. The more you run away from them and fight them; the more you will remain the same. God will have to use life to humble you and teach you what you could have learned in godly community.

God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land. – Psalms 68:6

Finally, Don’t React from Fear, but Faith

Don’t assume the negative. Fear and personal insecurities often cause many to assume the negative about how they are perceived by people without even having proof for the negative. This is a trick of the enemy. Remember Satan is the father of lies. He will use your insecurities to lie to you and make you believe you don’t fit anywhere or you have to work to fit. Remember your foundation. You are already accepted. Always fight the lies of the enemy with the Word of God. When he tells you; you don’t fit. Say to yourself you are already accepted. God’s word warns us to keep God’s Armour on in Ephesians 6, so we can fight the darts and irritations of the enemy. Satan wants to steal our peace with fear, but God wants to cast fear out with his perfect love. Study God’s perfect love for you. Resist the lies of the enemy.

Faith should cause you to walk into a situation with confidence knowing you are accepted and loved. Faith should cause you to walk from a standpoint of knowing who you are instead of allowing the perceptions of others to cause you to doubt. Remember the scripture says whatever is not of faith is sin (missing the mark, Romans 14:23). We open ourselves to err when we aren’t operating out of faith.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. – 1 John 4:18

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. – 1 Tim 1:7

Satan wants you to push others away because he wants to isolate and destroy you, but Christ came that you might have life and that more abundantly. Live your full abundant life!

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Forming Habits for Healthy Emotional Management – Part II

Repressed Emotions
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Continuing on key points learned from Joyce’s book on managing our emotions; she discusses repressed emotions:

“People who repress pain and never learn to deal with it properly eventually explode or implode, and neither one is a good choice.”

I personally believe that some of the mental illness and depression that we see stems from repressed emotions and people not knowing how to deal with painful or shameful things that have happened to them. Joyce compared repressed emotions to something stinky in the fridge. If what is stinking isn’t found and dealt with, it will cause more problems and only get bigger.

Joyce shared a story about missionaries that she knew who recounted to her regarding a tribe in Indonesia called the Fayu tribe. This particular tribe sings songs made up on the spot to release negative things that have happened to them. They have a set time to mourn via singing their mourning songs. Once that time is up; life is back to normal as before. These people are known to have little to no depressive psychological disorders because they have processes for releasing negative events and emotions in non-threatening and non-harmful ways.

Dealing with Repressed Emotions is not to be confused with Rumination:
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Rumination is when we constantly go over negative thoughts that cause negative feelings and emotions. See the definition below:

​”Rumination refers to the tendency to repetitively think about the causes, situational factors, and consequences of one’s negative emotional experience (Nolen-Hoeksema, 1991). Basically, rumination means that you continuously think about the various aspects of situations that are upsetting.” – Psychology Today

We have to find positive ways to deal with negative circumstances and afterward let it go not picking it back up again. This is why it’s so important that we be careful with what we allow ourselves to think on. We have to like the scriptures teach think on things that are good, true and of a good report (Philippians 4:8).

Joyce shares many helpful tips in her book about emotions including how to deal with various personality types of others. She shares several examples of how her husband Dave’s personality is different than hers and how she’s learned to deal with that in a manner where she doesn’t attempt to change him.

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Forming Habits for Healthy Emotional Management – Part 1

We all have situations from time to time that causes us to go up and down in our emotions. It could be a life circumstance or often something that we did not deal with and in some cases, no reason at all that our emotions go up or down.

I’ve been listening to the audiobook from Joyce Meyer entitled, “Living Beyond Your Feelings, Controlling Your Emotions So They Don’t Control You.” In her book, she shares several insightful and key points that provide a strong foundation for controlling our emotions in any given circumstance. Below, I’ve compiled some of the points she’s made that stand out to me.

Don’t Sit in Negative Thoughts nor share with People Who Would Cause You To Sit in Negative Thoughts:

Joyce shares that when we talk about the negative circumstances too much or with the wrong people; that gets our emotions out of wack; we make ourselves feel worse. Instead, she shares that we should talk about it with God or a trusted minister, or counselor when we can no longer handle it on our own. She talked about an example of David in the Bible who went through many hard circumstances that caused him to feel several negative emotions. She said that instead of complaining as many of us do; David simply shared all of what he was feeling with the Lord. She used the scripture reference below:

O LORD, how long will you forget me? Forever?
    How long will you look the other way?
 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
    with sorrow in my heart every day?
    How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
Turn and answer me, O LORD my God!
    Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
    Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.
But I trust in your unfailing love.
    I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the LORD
    because he is good to me. – Psalms 13

Joyce points out that we do not have to deny our emotions. We just do not need to let them control our decisions. She shares how in the above, David did not deny how he felt, but he petitioned God for his grace entrusting himself into God’s hands.

Finally on releasing negative thoughts Joyce shares:

​”I believe it was spiritually and even physically healthy for David to express to God how he really felt. It was a way of releasing his negative feelings so they could not harm his inner man while he was waiting for God’s deliverance.”

Next week, will be part II of forming healthy habits to manage your emotions.

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