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Single Women & Men: You’re Responsible for Guarding Your Own Heart!

Recently, I was watching an episode of the OWN television show, “Ready to Love.” There is a woman on there named Melinda who was crushing hard on a brotha named Aaron. The premise of the show is for the contestants on the show to get to know each other and hopefully walk away with love.

The ladies eliminated most of the men leaving behind 3 brothas, one of them being Aaron. Melinda liked Aaron from day one and they have talked, texted, face-timed, but Aaron was never shown on the show professing his affection solely for Melinda aside from all of the other girls.

Melinda prematurely mentioned to the other ladies while they were out painting that she has already had sex with Aaron in her mind. She laid claim to this man publicly without him laying claim to her. That’s a no-no. She was moving ahead of herself and not guarding her heart. When we call a relationship prematurely, not allowing the man to lead with clarity that he wants just us; we fail to guard our hearts, and we set ourselves up to be disappointed. A man should declare publicly that you are his girl. It should not be a secret thing only between the two of you.

Later, Melinda is shown snapping on Aaron, when Aaron shares that he isn’t interested in her. Yes, Aaron led her on to a degree, flirting, face-timing, and sending text messages that made Melinda think there was more there, but Melinda did not take her responsibility to protect her own heart seriously. Due to her lust and infatuation, she felled to see the signs everyone seen all along and that was that Aaron just wasn’t that into her.

 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. – Proverbs 4:23

Ms. Melinda did not guard her own heart. Instead, she projected the fault toward Aaron. Yes, he had some fault, but we cannot throw ourselves at men as women and expect them to fix our lack of love. Melinda shared as she walked away hurt that she wanted someone to love her for her. In order for her to get someone who loves her for her; she has to love herself for her. That means that she has to protect herself for her own personal sanity. 

It becomes unattractive when we lose control of our discernment and self-preservation to lust, infatuation, and fantasy. Fantasy isn’t real, and what we fantasize about may never come to pass. Thus, when the fantasy blows up in our face, we are left disappointed. It’s better to remain sober. There is a time and place for everything under the sun. The time to fantasize is not before we get the man, but afterward.

After we get the man (meaning husband), we can turn some of our would be fantasies into reality. Until then, we need to be sober. Guard our hearts, and ready ourselves for love by choosing wisely. It isn’t a wise choice to want a man who doesn’t want us. We are worth more. We have to woman up and move on. There will be a man out there who will value us as we value ourselves–maybe even more. It may take us being single and becoming more in tune with our value and our worth first before we meet this type of man. Whatever, you do, don’t neglect to guard your heart.

The same goes for the brothas. Single men, you need to guard your heart as well. Deal with potentials at the reality at hand and not at the wishful thinking of a fantasy. If a girl is showing you she isn’t feeling you move on. I will say that sometimes a woman will be feeling a brotha, but the brotha doesn’t know how to approach the woman. For example, if you meet a girl on social media, and you exchange numbers with her; then call her and have a conversation with her first. Let her know you get her and she gets you first before you start sending good morning beautiful text messages every day.

If no strong foundation is being built through mental connection and communication, all that’s left is an emotional connection or a lust built connection. Please, note that emotions and lust aren’t enough to build a sustainable relationship. Emotional connections and lust connections take a potential relationship up fast which normally results in going down fast. Learn to guard your heart, work on your communication skills so you can present yourself to a woman beyond an emotional fantasy of stroking her eagle about her looks and physical beauty. Be real, open, and transparent showcasing who you are mentally and spiritually, and the emotional and physical connection will grow organically at a more sober and steadied pace.

Women of God, Do you guard your heart when a guy pursues you? Men of God, do you guard your heart when you pursue a woman? Men of God, do you send good morning beautiful text messages without building a firm foundation with the woman via conversation?

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How Do You Deal With Your Insecurities?

Acts 17:5-8 Tells the story of some Jews who had become jealous of the acceptance and fame of Paul & Silas. Their message of Christ had been growing in acceptance and many prominent Jew and Greek men and women began to accept and believe in the message.

Thus, the Jews stored up a commotion dragging a gentleman, who had hosted Paul and Silas in his home out to face the people. His name was Jason.

The insecurities of the Jews were shown through their action. They were no longer on top. They were no longer the authorities of utmost importance with the hot word of the day. Because someone else was being used by God in that way, they became jealous and insecure.

They had been getting their worth from their positions as Jewish religious leaders instead of from intimately knowing and learning God. This created a war inside of them that caused them to lash out at the targets Paul and Silas who were no longer accessible, so they moved on to the next target–the host Jason.

Have you ever gotten your worth from what you’ve done only to see someone else do it better? Maybe God can be using the other person as a mirror in your life to show you yourself and your need to find your security and worth in Christ and what he says about you instead of how others accept or perceive you.

Have you ever found yourself so insecure regarding someone else’s talent or skill given by God that you sought to bring the other person down, gossiping, pointing the finger, and simply looking for faults in that person? We’ve all probably been tempted to feel this way before.

The Jews in the story sought to put someone else in bondage because of their bondage of insecurity. That is an unhealthy pattern of our weak flesh when we are insecure. Instead of projecting our insecurities on others, we should plain and simply give them to God allowing him to heal, restore, speak over, and settle us in how he made us. Unnecessary commotions and riots caused like the one above signal an inner riot where we need our own personal worth affirmed by God himself once again. 

What are some things that you put into practice when you recognize your insecurities are spilling out unto others?  Do you feel that you, like the Jews, in the above mentioned passage of scripture, have to be the center-point of attention? Are you willing to humble yourself and appear lesser for the sake of the kingdom of God?

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Hard Conversations: Let’s Talk Divorce Part I (Commentary on Christon Gray’s Recent Interview)

Recently, I viewed a couple of videos online that bought into public view one of the hard topics in the body of Christ and that is divorce. Christon Gray and Datin have been public this year on the personal divorces they’ve experienced.

Next week, we can discuss more regarding Datin’s divorce. However, this week I’d like to briefly discuss Christon Gray’s divorce and new marriage. Christon had some indiscretions that he confessed to during an interview with Sway from Sway in the Morning. He met his current wife while he was still married to his first wife. He made some decisions and mistakes that were contrary to scripture or and sound doctrine due to his immaturity and brokenness that he had inside. 

He briefly discussed how he went to therapy to get help with a sex addiction as he attempted to right his wrongs. He and his first wife have moved on from the first marriage and any mistakes done, and Christon is starting from a new slate with his new wife.

The new wife, his previous wife, Christon, and child are trying to make things work from where they stand in relation to one another right now. One could only wonder within themselves how can they make it work after such a big mess? How can life continue on as normal after divorce especially when Christon is a Christian?

First, I’d like to say, I’m proud of Christon for going public with his situation and owning his part in the divorce and the work toward wholeness as he tries again in his new marriage. We have to be careful as believers not to put people in a box when it comes to sin condemning them to their mistakes for the rest of their lives. Healing and mercy is supposed to begin after confession and repentance.

​Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. – James 5:16 (NIV)

People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy. – Proverbs 28:13 (NLT)

The standard the word of God has against divorce is very high. It takes very strongly committed people who utilize the grace of God in their lives along with wisdom to avoid it. Those who tend to fall into divorce are generally judged harshly. We treat them as if divorce is the unpardonable sin. I can understand it because divorce is hard to wrap our minds around, but divorce is not the unpardonable sin.

When we are confused as to how we should view a hard situation. We should always look to Jesus for clarity by searching his Word.

There was a very similar situation in the Bible where a woman was caught in the act of adultery–an act that is a justification for divorce. Jesus brought clarity to the perception of those who immediately wanted to pick up their stones and condemn by doing the following:

1.    He placed the accusers in the position of the offender asking them to cast the first stone
       if they can look at themselves and find that they are without sin.

2.    Jesus asked the woman to go and sin no more.

How impactful could the body of Christ be if we learned to look at people through the eyes of not seeking to condemn them, but to empower and raise them up when they fall into sin–even sins that we look at more harshly like divorce?

​Brethren, if a man is overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such a one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. – Galatians 6:1 (KJV)

Jesus did not justify the woman’s sin by calling her accusers off of her and telling her to sin no more. He acknowledged that she did wrong and that everyone does wrong to some extent. We all fall short. I think sometimes we feel as though if we do not judge people harshly, we are justifying their sin, but there is a way to acknowledge sin as sin without condemning and judging harshly. It starts with considering ourselves and that we all need Jesus.

We can in a sense allow the faults of others to remind us of our need for Christ. This is where Jesus Christ comes in providing clarity along with his grace. The Bible says where there is much sin; there is much grace (Romans 5:20.)

This is a picture of the gospel over again. The woman caught in the sin of adultery is a picture of the gospel over again. Christon Gray and his situation is a picture of the gospel over again. It is very messy, but Christ died for the messy parts of us.

Do you find that you tend to judge those who are divorced more harshly condemning them to that sin for the rest of their lives? Comment below

Watch the video interview below of Christon Gray and his new wife:

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Defense Mechanisms in the Personality That Push Others Away:

Sometimes when we have un-dealt with insecurities or anxieties, we attempt to protect ourselves with defense mechanisms. I’ve seen this in some people who are close to me, and even in myself. Some people joke around more than normal when they are anxious as a defense mechanism. Sometimes, the joking may even seem annoying because it doesn’t seem to fit the situation. Others will project attention on the other person–normally in an accusatory way.

For example, a person who feels insecure in a particular area may attempt to belittle another person’s knowledge base or experience in that area if the other person appears to have it together. This takes the attention off of the person accusing and places it on the other person in conversation. In doing so, the projector feels that he has successfully protected himself, yet he remains clueless or insecure in his ability to resolve his own insecurity.

Another example is being sarcastic. The sarcastic person simply says things out of the blue that may or may not make sense and may be offensive. It also distracts from him or herself. Below I will share some things that I believe will help those who fall into defense mechanisms to protect their personalities:

Consider that you may be prideful

A prideful person is always looking to be perfect and have it all together, but the reality is that we all need help sometimes. Even God says that He gives grace to the humble. This means that it is okay to humble ourselves sharing that we may not know something or we may not have it altogether. When we practice humility allowing ourselves to be vulnerable; we gain wisdom instead of shame. The prideful person pretends to have it together and falls on his fanny.

When pride comes, then comes shame, but with humility comes wisdom. – Proverbs 11:2 (NHEB)

Return to Your Foundation in Christ at All Times 

One foundational truth that is key is the fact that we are fully accepted and fully loved. This is shown in Ephesians 1 where God discusses how he has adopted us and accepted us into the Beloved body of Christ. We are God’s beloved. We will need to often return to our foundation in order to hold up in life. When you think about a foundation, think about a house that is built on a foundation so that it can withstand any storm. God built the fact that we are fully accepted and fully loved into our DNA as believers in Christ. We should return to this often. This means that even if we make a mistake, don’t impress people, or don’t do something right, we are still loved–because God’s love is unconditional. We cannot earn it.

Having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will,  to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved. – Ephesians 1:5-6

Trust the Community That God Gives You

If God has set you up with people who love you like him and tell you the truth; you are in a place of safety. Don’t run from this safety. Accept it. Be vulnerable with this safety trusting God to love you through these people. When your community makes a mistake forgive them and keep on going. God places people in families and communities to ensure that we are healthy. You cannot do this on your own, but with each of these tools; you will be able to overcome your coping mechanisms and begin to depend and act more from your identity in Christ.

Often those used to fighting and defending themselves also fight their communities as well instead of embracing them. When your community sees your defense mechanism; they may point it out in love. If they do so, don’t fight them. Just submit what you’ve been shown to the Lord and ask him to give you the wisdom to overcome your defense mechanism. Ask him to show you in his Word where you can build yourself up in your insecurities until they fall away completely. Your community is there to sharpen you. The more you run away from them and fight them; the more you will remain the same. God will have to use life to humble you and teach you what you could have learned in godly community.

God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land. – Psalms 68:6

Finally, Don’t React from Fear, but Faith

Don’t assume the negative. Fear and personal insecurities often cause many to assume the negative about how they are perceived by people without even having proof for the negative. This is a trick of the enemy. Remember Satan is the father of lies. He will use your insecurities to lie to you and make you believe you don’t fit anywhere or you have to work to fit. Remember your foundation. You are already accepted. Always fight the lies of the enemy with the Word of God. When he tells you; you don’t fit. Say to yourself you are already accepted. God’s word warns us to keep God’s Armour on in Ephesians 6, so we can fight the darts and irritations of the enemy. Satan wants to steal our peace with fear, but God wants to cast fear out with his perfect love. Study God’s perfect love for you. Resist the lies of the enemy.

Faith should cause you to walk into a situation with confidence knowing you are accepted and loved. Faith should cause you to walk from a standpoint of knowing who you are instead of allowing the perceptions of others to cause you to doubt. Remember the scripture says whatever is not of faith is sin (missing the mark, Romans 14:23). We open ourselves to err when we aren’t operating out of faith.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. – 1 John 4:18

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. – 1 Tim 1:7

Satan wants you to push others away because he wants to isolate and destroy you, but Christ came that you might have life and that more abundantly. Live your full abundant life!

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Forming Habits for Healthy Emotional Management – Part II

Repressed Emotions
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Continuing on key points learned from Joyce’s book on managing our emotions; she discusses repressed emotions:

“People who repress pain and never learn to deal with it properly eventually explode or implode, and neither one is a good choice.”

I personally believe that some of the mental illness and depression that we see stems from repressed emotions and people not knowing how to deal with painful or shameful things that have happened to them. Joyce compared repressed emotions to something stinky in the fridge. If what is stinking isn’t found and dealt with, it will cause more problems and only get bigger.

Joyce shared a story about missionaries that she knew who recounted to her regarding a tribe in Indonesia called the Fayu tribe. This particular tribe sings songs made up on the spot to release negative things that have happened to them. They have a set time to mourn via singing their mourning songs. Once that time is up; life is back to normal as before. These people are known to have little to no depressive psychological disorders because they have processes for releasing negative events and emotions in non-threatening and non-harmful ways.

Dealing with Repressed Emotions is not to be confused with Rumination:
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Rumination is when we constantly go over negative thoughts that cause negative feelings and emotions. See the definition below:

​”Rumination refers to the tendency to repetitively think about the causes, situational factors, and consequences of one’s negative emotional experience (Nolen-Hoeksema, 1991). Basically, rumination means that you continuously think about the various aspects of situations that are upsetting.” – Psychology Today

We have to find positive ways to deal with negative circumstances and afterward let it go not picking it back up again. This is why it’s so important that we be careful with what we allow ourselves to think on. We have to like the scriptures teach think on things that are good, true and of a good report (Philippians 4:8).

Joyce shares many helpful tips in her book about emotions including how to deal with various personality types of others. She shares several examples of how her husband Dave’s personality is different than hers and how she’s learned to deal with that in a manner where she doesn’t attempt to change him.

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Forming Habits for Healthy Emotional Management – Part 1

We all have situations from time to time that causes us to go up and down in our emotions. It could be a life circumstance or often something that we did not deal with and in some cases, no reason at all that our emotions go up or down.

I’ve been listening to the audiobook from Joyce Meyer entitled, “Living Beyond Your Feelings, Controlling Your Emotions So They Don’t Control You.” In her book, she shares several insightful and key points that provide a strong foundation for controlling our emotions in any given circumstance. Below, I’ve compiled some of the points she’s made that stand out to me.

Don’t Sit in Negative Thoughts nor share with People Who Would Cause You To Sit in Negative Thoughts:

Joyce shares that when we talk about the negative circumstances too much or with the wrong people; that gets our emotions out of wack; we make ourselves feel worse. Instead, she shares that we should talk about it with God or a trusted minister, or counselor when we can no longer handle it on our own. She talked about an example of David in the Bible who went through many hard circumstances that caused him to feel several negative emotions. She said that instead of complaining as many of us do; David simply shared all of what he was feeling with the Lord. She used the scripture reference below:

O LORD, how long will you forget me? Forever?
    How long will you look the other way?
 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
    with sorrow in my heart every day?
    How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
Turn and answer me, O LORD my God!
    Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
    Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.
But I trust in your unfailing love.
    I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the LORD
    because he is good to me. – Psalms 13

Joyce points out that we do not have to deny our emotions. We just do not need to let them control our decisions. She shares how in the above, David did not deny how he felt, but he petitioned God for his grace entrusting himself into God’s hands.

Finally on releasing negative thoughts Joyce shares:

​”I believe it was spiritually and even physically healthy for David to express to God how he really felt. It was a way of releasing his negative feelings so they could not harm his inner man while he was waiting for God’s deliverance.”

Next week, will be part II of forming healthy habits to manage your emotions.

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Our Generation’s Fight for Intimacy & Vulnerability Part II

6 Things You Can Do Now to Fulfill the Need for Intimacy & Vunerability

Single believers aren’t alone in the quest for genuine relationships where we can be vulnerable. Our generation at large is feeling the longing for connectivity. Believers, I believe feel the tug more often because we are so peculiar. It takes a bit more for us to connect intimately due to our Biblical value system. The wait, in turn, ends up being longer for a spouse in many cases and if we wait for a spouse to become vulnerable with someone; we can easily develop a fear of intimacy or vulnerability. It’s that vulnerability however that produces the greatest intimacy. When I say intimacy in this article, I am not talking about sex, but about a strong intimate connection and sense of belonging and acceptance.

Don’t wait until you are in a relationship to practice being vulnerable.
Being vulnerable can be scary especially if you’ve had a background of being rejected. I’ve learned to thank God for those situations of  “rejection.” Simply because I trust God to orchestrate my life so that his perfect will will be done. That is what I desire, and therefore I’ve learned through tests and trials to trust God for that. Thus, what appears to be rejection, I don’t really look at as rejection anymore, but God’s leading and guiding.

Because of that foundation, I am not afraid to seek out godly friendships with both guys and girls. Having godly friendships now gives us a place to be vulnerable. This is something that we can currently practice while waiting to meet the right spouse. Being vulnerable with the right people will help you to get past the anxiety of vulnerability and to see the benefits of close connection that vulnerability provide. It will also help you to sharpen your communication skills. So many people get into relationships without knowing how to communicate and may even run from confronting important things and being vulnerable when necessary.

Don’t only practice vulnerability when it appears to make you look good
Don’t only practice vulnerability when it appears to make you look good, but be honest about your mistakes and feelings when necessary. Being vulnerable in the hard places births maturity and helps you to be vulnerable next time. Who knows, maybe you will discover grace in your friendship in a new way. This should bring you closer. 

You will not be able to be open/vulnerable with everyone
Just like you will not be able to be intimate with everyone because vulnerability brings intimacy; you have to be careful who you decide to be vulnerable with. When seeking out godly friendships; we need to make sure that the friendships are trustworthy before being vulnerable. There is nothing worse than bearing your soul to someone who simply doesn’t care about you. This type of person would use it against you. 

Only be vulnerable according to your personality and your peace
This involves knowing yourself. If you simply are an introvert and do not feel comfortable talking with strangers to attempt friendship; perhaps you may want to find another way to show yourself friendly. The Bible is clear: Those who have friends must show themselves friendly (Proverbs 18:24). You may need to work a little harder at stepping out and communicating with people you do not know, but until then practice smiling more and simply being friendly and enjoying life. Hopefully, your extension of friendship and friendliness will come out by accident. When it does; that’s a good thing because that’s really you. It’s the real us that draws other like minded people to us. Not a facade of what we think we should be.

Only be vulnerable according to your level of faith & trust in God
There is a scripture in the Bible that says whatsoever is not of faith is sin (Romans 14:23). If you are seeking godly friendships out of faith that God will lead you to the right one(s); it’s cool. If you are seeking godly friendships out of voids, neediness, and lack of trust in God, it’s sin. Sin is missing the mark. You set yourself up to fell this way.

One of the ways you can be sure you are operating out of faith is that during your seek, you aren’t ready to quit just because someone isn’t interested in you in any type of way. When you’ve entrusted your life and your future over to God; it’s cool if it works, and if it doesn’t because God’s got you. When you live in trust in God, you trust him to open the right doors and close the wrongs ones.

You can actually become thankful for the closed doors or those not interested. If you find that your faith is small in this area, you may need to take a step back and do a deep-dive with God asking him to cleanse and purify your heart while strengthening your faith with the Word of God. God may put you in a deliverance process when you bring this to him and it will be uncomfortable, but go with God’s flow so you can be free.

Stay in expectation of the right one(s)
Continue to extend friendship and walk in God’s joy and favor. This is a benefit of going from broken to whole. When God processes you; he teaches you how to have joy in all situations because your joy comes from Christ and the knowledge of him. Stay firmly rooted in your identity in Christ. You will not be able to have healthy relationships without it. It is staying firm in our identity in Christ that keeps us in expectation. We know we have an inheritance in Christ. Part of that inheritance is knowing that we are fully loved and accepted in Christ (Ephesians 1:5-6). This mindset keeps me going in expectation. God’s word says to be joyful in hope. We can be joyful in celebrating what we know already belongs to us in Christ Jesus. God will do exceeding abundantly above all we could ask or think

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Our Generation’s Fight for Intimacy & Vulnerability

Last week, I talked about whether social media bought us closer or pushed us apart. During, the article the need for intimacy and appropriate vulnerability was highlighted. On Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs intimacy, friendship and belonging come in at #3. Our generation, I believe has had a unique experience concerning this need. We are the generation with 50% singles not necessarily because we want to be, but because many of us have to be. We simply have not met someone yet who meets the standard for our lives.

Let’s be thankful however for having a standard. I do believe that there are some benefits and perks to our generation in that knowledge is everywhere. There is really no excuse not to know something. Because knowledge is everywhere; we simply do not have to make the same mistakes our parents or their parents may have made. We can wait until someone has the same understanding and value system as us and then form the unbreakable bond of marriage.

Thus, the disclaimer that there is nothing wrong with being single. However, sometimes, we can get to an age and stage in life where we desire to settle down and to have a spouse and possibly a family. This is a dream that far too many have not been able to reach. There is a longing desire for intimacy and vulnerability that also at times daunts the believer who wants to also please God with his or her life.

From the outside looking in, some would think this is an easy fix, but it’s really an obstacle course that will require lots of faith. So, I recently released the Wholeness Action Plan book that I’ve been intentionally following to build healthy community which would lead to healthy friendships and hopefully a spouse.

However, my experience like many, has been good and disappointing, but because of an expectation of the good, I continue to press. Practically, we know that it’s easy to find someone to be intimate or vulnerable with as singles desiring marriage, but it’s not easy to find someone to be intimate and vulnerable with who also desires to please God.

Because of the above, I’ve had to pass up good men in hopes of a godly man and I’m sure brothers have had to do the same with some women, but the more discouraging part is being intentional with those who appear to be godly, but just aren’t interested.

I don’t know if religion has made some men feel it is unholy to talk to an attractive Christian woman, the brothers are pursuing someone else, or I’m simply not their type, but the consistent lack of welcoming to begin a friendship that can lead to whatever can easily cause anxiety and fear. This is part of the discomfort our generation faces in desiring intimacy and vulnerability that has gone unfulfilled.

I’ve come to the resolve however that I have to simply press through the anxiety. Anxiety is a form of fear that seeks to get us stuck. It seeks to cause us to stop moving by faith, but instead to begin putting forward protective mechanisms to avoid the fear and anxiety of things not panning out again.

I was recently encouraged to keep moving forward in faith showing myself friendly because one day the right person will respond who also wants to please God. I was reading a portion of my book from the chapter case studies from brokenness to wholeness & rest.

I shared how the woman with the issue of blood had spent all she had moving by faith from one doctor to the next and none of them panned out to her healing and wholeness. She could have failed to continue moving in faith when she had the opportunity to reach out to Jesus. She could have allowed anxiety to paralyze her saying to herself she wants to avoid the discomfort of not seeing what she expected to pane out once again, but she took a chance in faith and kept moving.

Jesus responded to her need healing her.

I want to encourage my fellow Millennials, Gen Xers and all of the above that there is someone out there qualified to respond to your need. However, you cannot allow anxiety to paralyze you from moving forward in faith. You have to press through the discomfort of anxiety by faith in God’s word.

God’s word is what allows you to remain at rest and settled in what he’s said concerning you. God’s word will do the work of keeping and protecting you until your God connection is made. None of those other doctors or healers worked for the woman because it wasn’t the connection God had set aside for her to answer her need.

If God has said he’s got someone for you; believe it. Continue in faith until you get the right response.

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Does Social Media Bring Us Closer Together?

In some aspects, social media does bring us closer together by allowing us to keep up with our high school and college friends that we would not have otherwise been able to keep up with, and connecting us with new people through groups and mutual friends. However, in some ways, social media can also cause us to take each other for granted.

So, recently I’ve been on this 21-day social media fast where I have not gotten on social media except through Hootsuite to post to my blog. Thus, I’ve missed all of my real friends’ and families’ highlights online. Not seeing the highlights of my friends and family on a regular makes me legitimately miss them.

I’ve found myself texting and calling my friends and siblings more since I was no longer keeping up with them on social media. It’s as if seeing the highlights regularly create the illusion that I’ve kept in contact with that friend because I know what’s going on via social media, but social media is so limited and only shows the highlights.

It doesn’t necessarily show the deep things of the heart such as how a person is really feeling or doing. That could be why extremely genuine appearing posts normally garner the most likes because genuineness is not something we’re used to getting from social media. Did we really participate in checking up on and supporting our friends and relatives by simply giving them a like?

I actually have a brief blog series coming up about how our generation longs for and faces the challenge of vulnerability—meaning a safe place to let our hair down and just simply be us. Stay tuned for the upcoming series with some pointers on how to get that vulnerability and genuine intimacy that we need in the weeks to come.

Other things I’ve noticed since being off social media: There is no pull to compete with anyone or to get something done on a particular timeline such as being married or reaching a height within a career. Not focusing so much on others allows us to appropriately focus on ourselves and focus on others in a more intimate and easy to connect fashion.

When building a relationship in real life as opposed to social media; it isn’t just to connect around similar interests, but to connect with the actual person for who he or she is. Social media has gotten really big with business networking and sometimes you cannot tell whether a person is really with you or just networking around business purposes.

I’ve enjoyed my social media fast so much so that it is almost tempting to continue until the end of the year, but if I did that I’d miss out on some of the really good things social media has to offer such as various local events that I otherwise would not have heard of. You know a girl has to go out and have some fun every now and then.

The goal isn’t to get off of social media, but to utilize it in such a way to build stronger valuable connections. This may simply require more boundaries when signing back on such as un-following distracting accounts, and limiting scrolling time to a particular specified time. This will allow for more specificity in how social media is used.

It may also allow us to miss some of the highlights of friends and family causing us to want to check in with them more in person rather than following the illusion that their good because we’ve seen them on social media.

Have you ever done a social media fast? How did it make you feel? Did you feel more connected to people in real life? Share your thoughts below in the comments:

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ONE WORD: RESOLUTE

Have you ever heard someone say, “It was when I got to the point of believing I would never get married, that’s when my spouse came.” I’ve heard that quite a few times, and personally I don’t believe we have to get to a point of disbelieving God. I believe that if God said He is going to do something; we should consider it done and simply began to rest in him.

Our response should be resolute meaning that there is a settling, rest, and resolve within us where we simply believe God and that settles it. Last week, I wrote about how there are Christian blogs and messages all over social media feeding the idolatry of getting to the next place in life which for many is marriage. Many of the people following these blogs, social media trends, and what I call the wind have no resolve about themselves and what God has promised them. Resolve is something birthed out of intimacy with Christ. It’s also confirmed by others who walk intimately with the Lord.

God is not a God of gimmicks. We cannot snap our fingers 3 times and click our heels and become a perfect being to attract a perfect spouse.  As a matter of fact, if our only motivation to become better people is to get a spouse; then there is idolatry already involved.

As believers, we should be transformed daily by the renewing of our mind into the image and glory of Christ (2 Corinthians 3:18), not seeking to be transformed purely to get a spouse. I pray against the idolatry of ambition that takes us away from intimacy with Christ, and I pray for the intimacy with God in our lives that would cause us to be resolute in all that God has promised.

Resolute: admirably purposeful, determined, and unwavering.

Resolute comes from the word resolve. We should be so at rest and at peace in Christ concerning all that He has said that we are resolved with the issue of marriage and any other issues that God has spoken on. When we are resolved we walk in a place of rest and peace instead of dis-ease trying to figure out the next thing. We have to be intentional about guarding that peace.

Remaining resolved and focusing on things that would strengthen our resolve is one way to guard our peace. Not walking in a place of resolve also robs us of enjoying today.

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