Blog

6 Lessons We Can Learn From Michelle Obama’s Book “Becoming” – Part II

No Matter How Great We Are; We Need the Right Relationships With Others to Help Bring it Out

Michelle knew what her passions were. She wanted to help people, but she did not want to do it in the traditional path of being an attorney despite having her law degree. It was through the relationships with the right people that favor came into her life and she was set on a course that would take her far. Through the relationship that her mother had with someone, she was introduced to an employer at a popular school in Chicago, who referred her to someone, who referred her to Valerie Jarrett. This set Michelle up to work for City Hall in Chicago and form a strong relationship with Valerie learning the ins and outs of politics. She became a mentor to Michelle and would later serve as a senior advisor to her husband as President Barack Obama. Let’s pray that the Lord would lead us to the right relationships in our lives.

Learn to Take Opposition in Stride

Michelle talked about how Barack had to choose more than once between family and politics. He had to miss voting on an important bill within congress due to his daughter being sick. The media, as well as many leaders in the Black community, talked about him for days. They accused Barack of not being Black. They separated him from the struggle of African Americans because of his Harvard Degree. They spoke about him as if he did not care. Michelle mentioned that she was more upset about this than Barack. Barack seemed to take it in stride, she said. It was like he’d been built for it. He was determined and focused on helping the same community that rejected and separated him. Had they quit, many would not know of him today. Let’s learn to take it in stride like Barack when others misunderstand our good intentions. Let’s expect not to always be understood, but be at peace with who we are and our good intentions anyway.

Don’t be Focused on Too Many Things At Once

Barack had agreed to a book deal and was given an advance in the amount of approximately $40,000. However, by the time the deadline came for him to produce the book; he only had a couple of chapters done. He was given a demand to pay the advance back. He had been busy with several endeavors at one time, and that is what caused him not to finish the book on time. However, he came up with an awesome plan. He would rent a cabin for a specified amount of time where he would have no distractions from his normal life. He would be able to complete his book. He completed the book, released it, and therefore was able to pay back his first publisher. The lesson is to not focus on so many things at one time that we end up becoming less productive then intended. Sometimes, it’s better to focus on one or two things than 5 or 6 things.

I’m actually still listening to the audio book and learning some awesome lessons from the Obamas lives. I, in particular, like another lesson that she shared about an aha moment she had as it relates to setting boundaries and taking care of herself. There was an incident where she had been staying up late and not eating so she could eat with her husband when he got back from Springfield. After going to counseling, she found that was unhealthy for her and a possible source of her frustration regarding her husband’s job in politics. You’ll have to read the book to get the full insight. This is definitely a book that all should read. There are so many life lessons that Michelle shares so transparently.

0

6 Things We Can Learn From Michelle Obama’s Book, “Becoming” – Part I

If we are determined in our thinking to do something, We will accomplish what we are determined to do:

Her father had  Multiple Sclerosis. He did not allow that to stop him at accomplishing great things in life. He continued to move forward not complaining about the disease that he had, but he was a conqueror in spite of the disease. He was still able to get up and go to work and maintain paying for his children’s college along with his wife. They, together, pushed their children to go farther than they ever have and it paid off.

Don’t despise small beginnings

Briefly, I discussed the family’s small beginnings, and how they were cooped up in a small apartment in Chicago’s South Shore neighborhood. However, they were faithful in the little things. When Michelle complained to her mother that she wasn’t learning in her class; her mother raised hell getting Michelle into a class that would allow her to flourish.

Michelle became friends with Santita Jackson, Jesse Jackson’s daughter. It was through this friendship that Michelle was able to get an inside look at what it meant to be in politics, and what it meant to even run for the presidency. I’m sure at the time, she was not aware that she would one day be the 1st lady. However, God allows small situations in our lives to prepare us for the great future that he has for us.

Ignoring a Problem Can Cause the Problem to Get Worse

Michelle shared the hard lesson she witnessed in her father of his unyieldingness to get the medical help needed to treat his M.S. The family watched it get worse and worse while her father said he’d be okay. He had not trusted doctors like others in her family that she mentioned in the book. This could partially have been in part due to incidents like the Tuskegee institute experimentation done on Blacks where Syphilis was unknowingly injected into Black participants of a medical study. However, the lesson is to seek help anyway when something requires help beyond our scope. By the time, her father had gotten to the hospital by ambulance, things had gotten worse. So, worse that he further began to deteriorate and die by a heart attack. Had he gone to the hospital earlier; any health issue he had may have been monitored and treated saving his life.

0

I’m Leaving The Fear of Man in 2018:

I was leaving the house of one of my mentors when she shared that I had a fear of men. She explained how the fear of men is a trap because it holds a person back from their full potential. She used the example of a class of students and a child in the class avoids raising his hand to answer a question because he doesn’t want to be looked at as the smarty pants in the group. I had complained to her briefly about some of the harsh judgments in the body of Christ relating to single Christian women. I wanted to know if she’d been through it because her testimony is very similar to mine except that she is now married.

Her response was that I need to get to the point where I did not care. She suggested going deeper into God and seeking him on what I needed to do to be free from that. I had not realized that before her insight. In my mind, I had previously interpreted my response to what other believers said about me being a Christian single as trying to do things humility. I thought it was wise to consider the point of view of other believers just in case I was in need of correction. 

However, it was clear to my mentor that I needed not to consider the point of view of the Christians who made me second guess myself, my intentions, or my worthiness as a single believer. It was obvious to her that I have a unique calling and way of expressing myself that pleases God; therefore, I needed not to worry about pleasing man.

​Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety. – Proverbs 29:25

I had this conversation with my mentor on last year in 2018. Since that conversation, I’ve challenged myself as well as prayed about not allowing myself to succumb to the expectation of what some expect me to be as a single Christian woman.

Instead, I’ve challenged myself to be authentically myself no matter what it costs. Where it costs rejection of some; there will be acceptance among others. God promises to supply my needs, so I don’t have to bargain any part of my identity to be accepted among men not even Christian/churchmen and women.

I’m currently listening to Michelle Obama’s book “Becoming” where she shares about overcoming other people’s expectation of her. She shared how she met with an advisor who was to help her get into her desired school–Princeton. The advisor shared that she did not think that Michelle was Princeton material. This stuck with Michelle so much so that she decided to no longer meet with that advisor. She decided to ask someone else who knew her better to write a letter of recommendation to help her to get to her desired goal.

She was successful simply by shifting who she allowed into her personal dream. She invited someone in who would value her and what she had to offer instead of pre-judging her to only be capable of a faulty expectation that would prove not good enough. Michelle provides a valuable key to overcoming the fear of man. That is to continue to pursue anyway what you know you are worthy of. Block out the voices of those that are negative and clueless. People will always judge others based on how they appear instead of what the truth of a person’s heart and actions prove. Move forward with the encouragement of those who are genuinely for you.

I’ve left the fear of men in 2018. I plan to continue to only entertain perspectives that are in line with what God is speaking over me. I plan to receive from others who genuinely care about me closing the door to those who speak and judge by appearance and presumption.

0

What is Your Decree & Expectation in 2019?

Welcome to 2019! Prayer is one of the ways that we build our faith. I want to challenge you to listen for the Lord as you seek him in prayer to give you something specifically for you to believe for in this year. If what God gives you is attached to a scripture, rehearse that scripture and that word over and over again in your mind. This will help you should you meet challenges that look like things will not pan out.

I challenge you to believe and act toward your decree in faith. A decree is a word that comes out from an authority. This means it has power and expectation behind it. Setting our expectation for the new year can and will keep us moving in faith.

My personal decree for myself is below:

I believe this is my year of exceeding blessings. With every corner, turn, and shift of this year, I will see exceeding blessings on my behalf. Back in 2015, I had begun entering into a season of trial and tribulation that prepared me for this year. I had asked the Lord that year why were so many things happening at one time–one right after the other. This year I will see a response to that prayer in that I will see layers of good things happening one after the other. This is my decree. Just as God gave Job double for what he endured. I am expecting double.

Whatever I put my hands to will prosper. In addition to my decree, I’ve been taking some steps of faith working on things behind the scenes. This word propels me to continue to move forward. You see faith without works is dead. We have to also move by faith because we believe. I will be sharing my testimonies on social media as the year goes on.


​I’ve been made ready for this year!

Final encouragement: Don’t despise small beginnings. If the steps you are taking are small or people cannot see them; That’s okay. All of the most successful people in life started out doing something small consistently and that is what allowed them the capacity to handle the big things. Keep going!

0

2018 Has Been a Year of Victory

Learned how to Receive
I have been thankful all year round. This year has been a reminder of my personal worth. Sometimes, in life, we can get so busy running from one thing to the next serving others, taking care of business, and such that we lose sight of what’s really important. We are really important–each and every last one of us. We have to be willing to take some intentional time and appreciate that.
 
Self Care
I set boundaries this year and did not feel bad about it. If I was not immediately available, I let others know when I would be available. I asked for prayer when needed. I asked for help when needed from friends like when I needed some pictures taken for a magazine feature and my friend was able to assist in that area.
 
Victory with my Hormones
 I’ve always had crazy battles with my hormones as a single woman, but I can honestly say that this year has not been that bad. Thank the Lord! It’s like God has given me a new grace to wait. Everything has been more settled and stable on this year.
 
Placed within Godly Community
It’s hard when a person is serious about God and somewhat mature to find community because many pre-judge that person to not need community, to be stuck up, a know-it-all, or prude. However, this year I was able to meet and re-unite with some people who had faced similar challenges and we’ve been a support to one another. No matter how much someone loves God or has a measure of wisdom; we all need community. We all need to be accepted and feel loved among others. This has helped to settle some struggles and battles within me.
 
Maintained Proper Perspectives More Easily
I’ve omitted a lot of unnecessary information from blogs, and accounts on social media that focus on a perspective that does not edify me. Some blogs are Christian, but accusatory in nature. I simply omitted that and willfully focused on what God says about me. This along with the self-care has helped me to enjoy the right perspective about who I am and how God sees me.
 
Overcame Fear
I decided to live this year. Not just get by, but to step out and do somethings for myself. I went on a few trips doing things that interest me. I met one of my favorite authors, rode a camel for my first time. Took plenty of Snapchat pics with cute filters, and was committed to not entertaining anyone not ready for me. As a matter of fact, I’ve been single all year not dating anyone and I did not feel bad about that in the least. I’ve face my fears with faith in expectation of a bright future.

0

The Importance of Wholeness Before Entering Into a Relationship – Part II

Lack of wholeness produces instability

Remember wholeness deals with our souls, meaning our—mind, will, and emotions. There is a scripture that shares that a double-minded man is unstable in all of his ways (James 1:8.) The opposite of wholeness is to be broken, divided, fractured, or unstable. A double-minded person wavers in their mind. One moment she may accept herself, the next moment she does not. One moment, she may believe she is worthy of the best, the next moment she is ready to settle for less.

She is unsettled on who she is. Her instability in how she sees herself attracts instability. Because she has not resolved how she sees herself; she opens the door for others in dating to tell her who she is, and what she should put up with. This is how a lot of women and men get caught up in toxic relationships. They were broken, unstable, and unresolved in what they felt they were worth. It would do a person well to get to the root of what is causing such instability and deal with that prior to entering into a relationship. If it is childhood issues, address those issues. If it’s a need for forgiveness, do the necessary work to forgive.

People who have not resolved to become whole settle for what’s available right now instead of what is appropriate

Wholeness lays the foundation for who we are without another person. We learn our identity, likes, dislikes, tolerances, skills, purpose, gifts, and talents. This sets a foundation in who will complement who we are and who will not. It’s best to choose a mate based on whether a person is heading in a similar direction as ourselves. Many instead choose a mate based on how they feel, and what they want. If the person makes them feel good, it’s a go when what’s really important may not be considered. A whole person learns to implement self-control over his emotions and how he feels for what’s more important and will make the most difference for the long-term.

It’s important to be whole to prevent entering a relationship based on a deficiency alone

It used to be that many women would jump at the idea of marriage out of a perceived need of getting out of their parent’s house. They just wanted something different. They felt like they could not do it on their own, and so having a man to assist with that was a primary option. However, marriage is something deeper to consider than a personal gain or want. It’s a covenant that will require much responsibility. It isn’t fair to ones-self or someone else to get with someone only for the purpose of getting something from them.

What happens when we are tired of what they have to give us or there is a job loss and things become uncomfortable. A whole person avoids this scenario. She does not get with a gentleman to pay her bills, or because she is lonely, and he’s the only guy available. A whole person considers a match that matches who he or she is as a person. He looks for complementary purposes, mutual respect, a mutual attraction and so forth and so on. A whole person also considers what she can bring to the table instead of what she can get. A relationship built on a deficiency alone will find it difficult to stand the test of time.

It’s important to be whole to avoid codependent relationships

Don’t get me wrong we all need someone, but a co-dependent relationship is when we are with someone not because they are good for us, but simply because they meet a need that we have. In essence, the other person becomes our vice for coping with life instead of learning how to cope with life as a healthy individual. A healthy individual coping with life realizes that she needs help, and encouragement sometimes, but she also is diligent at getting wisdom and applying principles that will help her to not only be a taker from others but an asset to others as well as to herself. She has learned the value of investing in herself as well as in others. This places her in a position of not being prime game for someone who may seek to abuse her knowing that she will come back because she feels she cannot make it on her own. Co-dependent relationships can become very draining and sometimes destructive.

Mental Health America shared the below quote on their website regarding co-dependent relationships:

“It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.”

For more on wholeness, visit my website for information on, “The Wholeness Action Plan Book“

0

The Importance of Wholeness Before Entering a Relationship – Part I

Wholeness is a very important thing to have in our lives prior to entering into a relationship, but before we share key points on why it’s so important, we have to first define what wholeness is. Wholeness has a lot to do with how we see things. When we see things properly, we can prevent ourselves from having crippling perspectives that cause us to become stagnant in life.
 
Often, negative experiences and circumstance are what cause us to have perspectives that aren’t appropriately balanced. For example, the woman who proclaims that all men are out to use her and discard her probably has an imbalanced perspective. Why? Because she has discounted all of the men out there who are willing to love, protect, and honor her for who she is.
 
Out of the wrong perspectives grow other things such as pessimism, fear, a cold-shoulder, or being excessively guarded––all because an improper perspective was not dealt with. When we become whole individuals, there is a settling, rest, and peace in truly balanced perspectives.  We are healthy in our thinking about ourselves, and others which results in healthy actions and decisions made for every area of our lives. Even the Bible discusses how important wholeness is to prosper in life.

Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in “good health”, another term for wholeness, just as your soul prospers. – 3 John 1:2

The above scripture provides a very important key to wholeness; wholeness happens from our inside first, and then it manifests outwardly into every area of our lives. This means that outward circumstances should not affect our wholeness or good health, but our wholeness or good health within ourselves should affect our outward circumstances.

Side note: Our soul is our mind, will, and emotions. When we are whole in these, we will be whole regardless of what life throws at us. Many people have not come to an inward resolve about their personal wholeness in how they see themselves and others. Thus, when entering into a relationship, many people make unnecessary mistakes that could have been avoided had they only been whole.

Wholeness is important for an individual to be settled within his/her-self

When we are settled in who we are, we’ve simply fully accepted ourselves. This doesn’t mean we’ve become complacent not seeking to grow. It does mean that we understand that as God created us; we are worthy of the best. We do not have to compromise who we are to fit someone else’s approval in order to have a relationship. We are firm on our standard even when it means being alone for a season. When dating, we will meet people who simply don’t hold our standard, and we are okay with not continuing the relationship any further because we can foresee the unnecessary conflict that will ensue if we compromise who we are. We realize that at some point we will regret that we’ve settled into something that we are not, just to have a relationship, and thus we consider it not worth it to do so.

Click here to view more about my book on wholeness.
Stay tuned for next week’s part II on the importance of wholeness before entering a relationship.

0

Learn to Recognize the Counsel of Fear:

The only way we will not make decisions based off of our fears in life is if we learn to recognize when fear is speaking to us. Fear has a voice. It urges us to make decisions based on fear of the unknown, the future, or the way things have been.

There will be times where we will have to push through and past fear making choices in spite of the feelings and ideas of fear. There will be other times where we will be required to walk in a whole new direction ignoring the voice of fear altogether.

Recently, I was on the phone with one of my sisters in the Lord sharing with her how fear tried to counsel me into speaking with a gentleman that I in the past did not feel was a good match for me. We briefly had a conversation that showed me he was not ready for a woman like me. He still had many old-school ideas of the woman being under a man instead of walking with a man side by side to help him and partake in a mutually satisfying relationship.

I decided no, and he did too. A year later, we ran into each other at a conference, and I could tell he thought I was cute in person. We had only met over social media and on the phone before. I was honored to meet him as well because I grew up listening to his music. He is an artist. I got a text message from him later the next week, and the thought crossed my mind again of whether I should consider him or not.

I prayed about it and considered why we did not pursue anything further before and was settled with that. However, the next morning, I awakened and strange thoughts of fear were in my mind. Thoughts like, “You are getting older, who knows how much longer you will have to wait, You don’t want to be in the same position several years down the line.” Immediately, I recognized those thoughts as the counsel of fear.

Those thoughts stemmed from a pull from the enemy to get me to think of my future from a position of fear and perceived lack. When we make choices out of fear we only settle. We should make choices out of fullness and surety that we want to move forward. God will give us peace when he is counseling us. God does not speak like fear. God speaks the language of more than enough.

This is why we have to be familiar with the wisdom of God; so we will not follow the counsel of fear. Anything that seeks to lead us by fear is not God. God does not give us a spirit of fear. He gives us love, power, and a sound mind.

0

Sharing My Journey: How I came to Resolve as A Single Woman Over 30

Three years ago, I started chronicling my journey as a single woman via video blogs. I started at age 33. Now, at age 35, I am more resolved than I’ve ever been before. In the most, recent video blog, I cover a few perspectives that helped to get me to that place of resolve. If you’ve been following my blogs on Intercession For A Generation, much of this will be a review for you.

No Longer Looking at Myself from a Perspective of Lack

One of Satan’s greatest strategies against those who seek to honor God in their singleness is to cause us to believe the lie that we are missing something. He will show us all of our friends, associates, and others who have disobeyed God in areas where we have taken a stand and how blessed they are.  Then he wants us to look back at ourselves to see that we are without a relationship or loving spouse.

This breeds the lie that it isn’t worth it to obey God and that we need to modify who we are to compromise like others to be blessed from God. It is, however, a lie produced by fear.

Romans 8:15 discusses how we have been adopted as sons of God and thus are no longer slaves to fear. Fear of what? Fear of lack and doing without? When we look at what we are doing to glorify God as work that has not paid off; we operate out of fear.

When we look at what we’ve done for the glory of God out of submission to Christ as his son; we operate out of expectation of our inheritance in Christ. We will not be blessed with a spouse because of our work for Christ, but our inheritance in Christ as sons.

Further, we aren’t sons because we are good, but because God adopted us. This is the proper perspective that frees us of the perspective of worry, lack, and fear, and it gives God the proper glory due to his name.

Competition Becomes Defeated With the Proper Perspective

Competition no longer becomes an issue when we understand that no one receives from God because they are good, but because God is good, and God adopts us as his children not the other way around.

A Greater Resolve to Obey God During the Hard Times
I mention a scripture in the video where many of Jesus’ follower’s turned away from him during a hard time. Jesus discerned them pointing out that they were only seeking him for what they could get from him. The hard times that we go through in Christ show us what’s in our hearts. Are we seeking God for what we can get from him? Are we only seeking God because we want a spouse? Those that seek God for what He can do for them only do not remain. Those that seek God for who He is; receive his power and grace to obey through the hard times because they have learned to love him.

Suffering is a prerequisite in the kingdom of God before inheritance. It actually proves we are ready for it. It proves we want the God who gives it more than the gift. Examine yourself as to where you are in this process. The Lord will correct anywhere where we may be off if we come to him.

“From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.” – John 6:66

“If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.” – John 14:15 

“Now if we are children, then we are heirs-heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory” –  Romans 8:17

Resolved to Enjoy My Life Right Now
We have to keep our focus on Jesus to enjoy life right now. Focusing on what everyone else is doing, and what everyone else has to say will cause us to long for the future so much so that we despise today. This will cause us to begin making desperate choices to change our today into something else God may not be calling us to just yet. Do you trust God to lead you, guide you, and to get you ready for the inheritance that he has for you, or do you out of fear feel like you better work for it or else you will lose your chance? 

Enjoying today is not a place of complacency or fear so we should not worry about losing out. This place actually provides greater clarity for what we are supposed to be doing now. It makes us more productive. Operating out of fear for the future causes us to lose time trying to work for something God already intends to give us. Seek God on this and allow him to settle you.

Watch the video below to listen to the Word of God taught in such a way as to settle you. God loves us so much that he would have me go through the same thing that many other Christian women go through while giving me his word to teach and settle our hearts toward the Lord:

0

Why Does God Allow Disasters & Heartache That Man Experiences On Earth?

God created us in his image
This is a very common question that many men bring up, and it has been answered in the word of God. God gave this responsibility over to man. God gave every man free will. In addition to a free will, God gave man dominion over everything concerning the earth. That’s every living creature, vegetation, skies, seas, everything within the earth realm has been given over to the dominion of man.

The Bible is also clear that we were made in God’s image and likeness. That means that we are to reflect God in the earth. If we aren’t clear on how to do that; we have an example of that in Jesus Christ, yet not only Jesus Christ, but others in the scripture who have understood this mantle and taken it on well.

One of the way’s God expresses his image is to preserve life
Noah is one of the early people who understood that mantle well to reflect the image and dominion of God in the earth as a man. We see that through the story of the flood, Noah allowed himself to be used as an instrument to preserve life. Not only was he used to preserve the lives of his wife, sons, and their wives, but all living creatures on the earth. The earth was subjected to destruction because of the evil of man. The innocent animals were subjected to destruction because of the evil of man, but God found one man willing to be used as an instrument to preserve life, and thus a pair of every living thing that man had been given dominion over was preserved through one man’s obedience.

Your obedience is attached to preserving someone else’s life
The scripture talks about how the earth was subjected to decay by the will of the one who subjected it in the hope that the sons of God would come into the revelation of who they are and experience God’s intended glory (See Romans 8:19-21).

What are the scriptures saying? They are saying that mankind has the authority to stop the earthquakes, mass shootings, drive-by shootings, and all of the ill things that we experience. How? By coming into the revelation of who we are and what we are to do here. Jesus Christ is referenced in scripture as the last Adam. Adam, meaning man (See 1 Corinthians 15:22). After the first Adam, in the Garden of Eden, gave away the authority he’d been given to the serpent through deception; God had to send himself as a man to gain that authority back as a man—exampling to man how we ought to walk out our authority.

We ought to obey God when it is hard, tough, and sometimes doesn’t make any sense, and in doing so, someone else’s life will be saved. With Jesus, all men have a chance at salvation. With Noah, the human race was preserved through the judgment of God on sin and evil. What will be your story? In what ways is God challenging you to obey him, so that someone else’s life will be preserved? Let’s walk worthy of the calling of God in Christ Jesus.

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. – Ephesians 4:1

0