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Moving from Grief, Loss, and Trauma to Triumph:

By Dr. Sarah Williams, LPC, NCC

You Look Pretty
I opened my eyes and realized that it was 6 a.m. I had allowed myself a few hours of sleep between 3 a.m. and 6 p.m. and yes, I felt guilty for closing my eyes even briefly. My role as wife to the man I married and loved for years now needed me to be his caregiver. I look outside and see what appears to be normalcy for everyone else, but in my house, although there are children here it is complete silence. It was like an evil daily vigil. I don’t wake them, instead, I walk to the doorway of the room where my husband slept. I would wait at the door and watch for the rise and fall of his chest. Is there a breath? Will he open his eyes today? Or will I have to face his death? I had to endure the impending reality that I am watching him pass away―slowly―daily.

Most days I sit next to him and watch him, mixtures of love, fear, grief, and anger all at once. The lively active man that was Active Duty Navy, and a leader in government; these two careers took him away from us constantly. He was finally home. However, this time he could not enjoy us nor pour into us. The Cancer was winning the battle and I hated the whole thought of it. How could it be? I eventually got to a point that I was finished with asking why, but resolved to wonder when? I wondered, when was he going to finally leave us for good?

Our life was filled with goodbyes, some sweet and some bitter. I resented his commitment to everything else, only to realize he was gone so much so that he could provide the life that gave me the ability to stay at home if I chose. All of the perks were at my disposal to enjoy because of his commitment to his careers. Now I was angry at me too for not realizing that his love was one of providing and not of presence. In November of 2015, he took his final journey with a bittersweet farewell.

His last words to me were, “you look pretty”. The truth was, I did look pretty. My husband needed to see me look as normal as possible. On that last day, I put on a good front with nice clothes, hair, perfume, and red lipstick. I faked my way through it, but inside my soul was so broken. It was a big charade. There was nothing pretty about what I felt, the hole in my heart, and the anguish of the sound of my children screaming in my head. It is a sound that will haunt me for the rest of my life. I looked pretty to help him transition, he needed to see me as an assurance that I will be okay. I was anything but okay.

Plastic Smiling 
Living through the trauma associated with grief is a unique experience for each person. By definition, trauma is essentially an emotional response to a distressing event. Grief is correlated with trauma. I experienced what is known as Complicated Grief, meaning the loss is debilitating and distressful even after several months or years. There is a process of grief, or what is known as The Stages of Grief. The anticipated stages of grief are: 1. Isolation/Denial, 2. Anger, 3. Bargaining, 4. Depression, and 5. Acceptance. However, my process was a complex mixture of sadness, anger, raging, depression, and “plastic smiling” my way through the process. Sadly, I watched my adolescent twins go through the same jigsaw-maze of emotions. Mad, sad, acting out, and fighting with each other, while getting good grades and faking happy with their friends.

From Trauma to Triumph
All species grieve, and all can heal as well. My journey is a continuous one. However, I find peace and healing by working with others in processing their pain. I meet weekly with individuals, groups, and families that all need help. Through my work as a public speaker and licensed psychotherapist with a specialty in grief, stress, and trauma: my pain has a purpose. Yes, I am a widow, but not in an ordinary sense. My current status is that of a survivor of loss, trauma, and grief. While I navigate the new journey, I devote myself to aiding others as a licensed psychotherapist, creator and host of “Dr. Sarah After Dark” which is a mental health awareness TV show, and Covenant Way Clinical Counseling, a private counseling practice in Virginia. I Speak to large groups, facilitate workshops, and consult on the topic of grief. My advice to others is to first and foremost, locate a trusted therapist to guide you in the healing process. A second step is to allow yourself time and patience. Nurture yourself, and don’t rush the process. Lastly, finding your passion and source of joy in whatever form that works for you. Each day of the journey brings the needed change to move along from pain, trauma, grief, and loss to triumph.

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What it Means to Lament:

To Lament means to mourn or grieve something that has been lost. In the Bible, the book of Lamentations was written because of the deportation and exile of the Jews from their land. The Jews had been taken as captives in Babylon. They longed for the old days.

In our lives, we mourn or grieve loss when we lose someone we love, or maybe even when we become sick and lose a sense of freedom and independence. We have to depend on others and ask for help. We may be the type who are ashamed or afraid of asking for help because we don’t want to be seen as a burden. These are things that our elders deal with as they develop into old age.
The Word of God cautions us to remember God in the days of our youth. This getting to know God in our youth, I believe helps with lamenting as we approach old age because it gives us a firm foundation to draw on as we lament.

To lament is to bring our complaints, grief, and confusing despondency to the Lord. Lamenting is a form of bringing the things that we grapple with to God—those things that we cannot control―those losses that cannot be recovered.

Examples of lamenting found in scripture are below:

“Why is light given to those in misery,
     and life to the bitter of soul,
 to those who long for death that does not come,
     who search for it more than for hidden treasure, – Job 3:20-21
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
     Why are you so far from saving me,
     so far from my cries of anguish? – Psalms 22:1

The above shows Job being vulnerable about his pain to God even to the point of sharing that he longed for death more than life. Lamenting is a form of being acquainted with our pain in a vulnerable way. This vulnerability is shown before someone of whom we feel has the power and authority to help us. Jesus, himself, uttered the words above mentioned in Psalms 22 while on the cross dying for us. King David prophesied about Jesus’ experience 100s of years before it happened. The point is there is nothing wrong with lamenting. It’s a healthy way to deal with forms of grief and excessive pain. Even Jesus modeled this.

Trust
Lamenting is a type of expression of prayer toward the one who we trust. That is God. The children of Israel lamented to God after losing their promised land. They had to live years without dwelling in their promised land, but at the appointed time, they were restored to their land. Somewhere in our memory as human beings; our minds go back to the idea of God’s promises and his ways working for us. We go to him in the utter nakedness of how we feel regarding our loss and we trust him to handle it. I learned that at the heart of lamenting; there lies a trust in God. Many will look at those who are lamenting as though they are complainers or doing something wrong, but this is something built into us as humans and it’s okay. 

God’s Character
Finally, at the heart of lamenting, there is the idea that God is good and that God is just. We don’t lament because we don’t believe God is good, but because we do believe God is good. I’ll be honest, some lamenting sounds like complaining and thus we can be judgmental of those who lament around us.

We can judge people who are in a state of lamenting as not trusting God, or not being people who are of depth in God, but the reality is people who are lamenting the loss of their loved ones, independence, freedom, etc. aren’t doing so because they aren’t strong believers in God’s goodness, but they are thoroughly convinced that the character of God is good, and that is why they don’t understand why God allows things that aren’t so good to occur in our lives. These are honest questions and God can handle them because his character is good. The thing is we may not understand why everything happens the way that it happens and that’s okay. Somethings we will not understand until later when God chooses to reveal it.

In the meantime, go ahead on through your process of grief including lamenting your most vulnerable expressions of pain to God knowing that He is good, and He is trustworthy and He is the lifter of the hung down head.

It’s okay to lament.

But you, LORD, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high. – Psalms 3:3

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Enduring the Single Mother Struggle (Book Review)

I met Damika Davis at a speaking engagement. We both were speaking to students about their future. Damika is an author who started a foundation that helps single mothers pursue their own businesses. Her book, “Enduring the Single Mother Struggle” empowers single moms to stand firm in their identity, purpose, and right to an awesome future. Some of the nuggets she shares with single moms are below:

Danika acknowledged the temptation to quit
Danika discussed the challenge of facing each day as a single mom and sometimes wanting to just quit. However, quitting isn’t a choice when there are children dependent on their mom. This struggle causes moms to be tempted with looking for ways to get out of single motherhood such as relocating or seeking a new relationship. She shares that single mothers will have to shift their focus from how hard it is. Instead, she shared that the focus of a single mother should be on God and being responsible for taking care of her children. That includes working until God opens up other options.

She quickly moves the reader toward hope
The deed has been done. However, the single mother has become single rather through divorce, out of wedlock pregnancy, or losing a partner to death. The mother will have to embrace who she is as she moves forward in hope toward her future. “Shine like the stars in the universe and use what you have,” says Danika. She again, stresses the importance of the reader knowing who she is by saying, “When we know who we are; our children will not find it hard to discover who they are.”

A strong condemnation for punishing your child for the regret of being with their father
She says women should resist being the bitter woman who keeps the children away from the father in an attempt to punish and control the situation.

The Importance of a Support System as well as Self-care
Do you know who your support system is? If you do not, you need to establish one, Danika shares. These people should be trust-worthy people who will tell you the truth and hold you accountable. They can be friends, family, church members etc.
“Strive for a balance of time with your children, time for exercise to stay healthy, time for rest, and time to build a relationship with somebody other than your children.” All of these things contribute to self-care and a more balanced single mom who often gives of herself in overwhelming ways.

There is still hope for Genuine Love
Probably one of my favorite parts is when she encouraged single moms not to settle because they had kids. She reminded single mothers that they are still worthy of God’s best also. She shares how if a man loves you he will love you with all you come with including your children. She shares great tips on dating and observing the character of a man.

The women who read this book are encouraged to continue to grow and to continue to live. Danika makes it crystal clear that life is not over because one has become a single-mother, but life is just beginning in a new way. She encourages new mothers to be up for the challenge. She even includes words of wisdom and advice from other single mothers in the back of the book. There are self-reflection questions to help assess where one is at in her single mother journey.

Danika has lived through being a single mother and is now engaged to be married. She is an example that single-motherhood can be done well as we’ve seen on many occasions. To be a part of a support group for single parents visit: https://www.singleandparenting.org/startagroup/howitworks

To purchase Dannika’s book visit: https://www.amazon.com/Enduring-Single-Mother-Struggle-Damika/dp/0985590017

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Why It’s Important to Celebrate Imperfect Fathers:

It seems that the culture places men on a pedal stool to a degree when it comes to fatherhood. Men are expected to be perfect or they are only considered effective if they’re more on the perfect side. Case and point, recently with the TI conversation about his daughter’s pap-smear appointments. Many were ready to throw TI under the bus because he has a level of fear that he’s been operating in by seeking to control his daughter and his daughter’s sexuality. Yes, I agree that it is a bit overboard, but at least TI is there.

At least, he did not leave. At least, he realizes a need for his daughter to be protected even though that isn’t the best way to go about. At least, he is trying. I’ve never experienced anything like what TI and his daughter are going through, but I did grow up with a controlling father who did things out of fear, and he was a good dad. I turned out amazing not because he was perfect, but because he was there.
Too often in culture, we act as if kids can only turn out well if they’ve grown up in a home similar to Joel Osteen or others that we assume had perfect childhoods, but God can use the imperfections of our fathers to demonstrate his grace, power of redemption and sustainability, and his great love.

I am so extremely thankful for the fact that the Lord allowed me to grow up with my father and all of his imperfections as well as strong suits. When we look at our parents through the eyes of honor being thankful for the fact that they are there, they’ve stepped up to the challenge, and they are willing to learn and grow to some degree; we without realizing it encourage them to be better.

The opposite is beating them down about their imperfections and throwing them away because they do not meet our pedal stool expectations. The reality is none of us can be a pedal stool. We all need the grace to be ourselves as we grow. If TI is at a point of control to attempt to protect his daughter right now; then that’s where he is at. He should not be condemned for not fathering in a way that we expect him to. He is only human and has to grow and develop himself.

When God deals with us, he doesn’t throw us away until we get over our weaknesses. He used Joshua when Joshua was afraid. How did God do that? He encouraged Joshua to be strong and to have good courage despite the frightful circumstance of having to lead the children of Israel to the land of Canaan. Joshua took on the opportunity. He stepped up to the challenge. He may have made some mistakes along the way, but he ultimately did it. He did it through Christ.

This is how we all overcome through leaning on Christ and not ourselves, nor our record of perfectionism and self-righteousness. Finally, when we only focus on the bad of a person and the fact they did not meet our standard for them; we can make them feel like a failure in our eyes and that may make a person want to distance themselves from us. I know I would not want to be around someone who only pointed out my weaknesses.

Something my dad shared with me a few years before he passed was that he could always see the respect that I had for him. That meant a lot to me because I’d always tried to carry myself in that way. It’s important to make sure we are appreciating and honoring our fathers right where they are and this will encourage them to do better.

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The Movie 12 Bridge’s Correlation w/American Culture & Why You Should See It:

Last week I saw a pre-screening for the new film 12 Bridges. I would give the film 5 out of 5 stars. We’ve been having some really good films lately that mirror the climate of American culture as it relates to how civilians view police officers. For example, Black & Blue looked at the idea of a Black police officer having to choose between her people, her morals, and members of her police department.

I’m not going to give away 12 Bridges because that would be unethical, but I will share some of my thoughts on it. It is a very suspenseful and unpredictable film that will have the viewers on the edge of their seats with every twist of the plot.
I love how the movie opened up with the reading of the below scripture:

For the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. – Romans 13:4 (NIV)

When and how is this scripture applicable? Does the scripture mean that everything that everyone does in authority is correct? Does the scripture mean that God is in agreement with all that those in authority do?

Those questions have been raised in today’s American culture as it relates to many of the headlines we’ve seen regarding deaths of innocent Black civilians by police officers. The film is about far more than what we’ve seen in our headlines, but it provides a mirror on how we should respond to corruption in leadership? Should we turn a blind eye or should we hold accountable those in authority?

The film shows a very handsome, educated, heart-felt and well-meaning Black man played as the leading role by Chadwick Boseman. His character holds a strong conviction to get to the bottom of what’s going on in New York City by shutting down 21 bridges in order to solve a crime that resulted in the death of 7 police officers.

I also feel that Chadwick’s role mirrors African-American culture that shows over and over again how Afro-Americans who held strong convictions, often inspired by a relationship with God, have held America to a high standard as it relates to the morale of this country. Chadwick’s character does that very well. He is one who the film show’s in the beginning as very acquainted with injustice, hardship, and loss. Thus, he carries that strong conviction with him throughout his career. He, in essence, became the perfect person for the job through his experiences coming up.

You’ll have to watch the film when it comes out on November 22nd to know in full what I am talking about. Then you can come back and read this article again and say awe to yourself. What do you think the above scriptures mean? What would be your answer to the questions above? Comment below:

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Beware of Distractions:

The Bible warns against us allowing the cares of this life to choke the Word of God out of us. Thus, rendering us unable to produce the fruit in our lives that God has planted. There has been a lot of distractions in the daily media that can be used to choke the Word of God out of us if we aren’t careful in guarding ourselves against distractions.

Some of the main distractions I’ve noticed have been racism, sexism, and an overall religious spirit. There is this woke mentality where even believers are questioning truths about Jesus Christ due to the gospel in America being preached with racist ideas.

Jesus’ name was used on one of the ships carrying slaves from Africa. It is referenced as “The Jesus Ship” or the Jesus ship of Lubeck. This is a classic example of taking God’s name in vain. God’s Word is clear that God will not hold guiltless anyone who takes his name in vain (Exodus 20:7). We have to trust God enough to judge those who use his name for something that does not represent his character. This is why we have to get to know God for ourselves.

Also, the name Jesus was a common named during ancient times. Just because someone uses the name Jesus doesn’t mean they are referencing Jesus Christ of the Bible.  The Word of God was used to promote Black slaves in America to obey their masters, and Biblical principles such as anti-abortion and working are over-emphasized over the value of loving our neighbors in the Republican party which often identifies as Christian. If one isn’t firmly rooted in Christ and his Word for himself; how can he stand to continuing to trust in Christ?

It has been my personal prayer that the Lord would raise a standard against the false teaching and false ideology of anti-Christ being promoted in the Black community. The spirit of anti-Christ has attempted to, like a python, wrap itself in Black culture to choke out the word of God. However, this attack is a greater call for us as believers to do our diligence in studying the Word of God for ourselves and being open to learning about apologetics.

Finally, a Bible teacher and speaker whom I just recently became familiar with through his book, “Why Believe the Bible”, has spoken out against another teacher carrying the gospel simply because she is a woman. What type of foolishness? It’s simply a distraction. One distraction is to get Afro-Americans to devalue themselves and distance themselves from Christ; while the other is to get women to devalue themselves and become stagnant and bound up in not using our purpose to glorify Christ.

The final word on both of the above-mentioned distractions is that salvation is for all men including Whites, Blacks, Jews, and all gentiles. It’s God’s will that all men would be saved. This is clearly stated in the Word of God, and shown throughout the genealogy of God’s chosen people, the Jews. The Jews were not chosen because they were special, but because they were small (Deuteronomy 7:7.) They were chosen to be a figurative example of God’s commitment to his people. A greater covenant than what’s been shown to the Jews is currently available to all men through Jesus Christ. A good book recommendation to read up on these things is, “Every People and Nation: A Biblical theology of race” by Daniel Hays.

The second lie is simply ignorant especially for a Bible teacher or scholar. There is no special placement with God for being male or female. That means nothing to God. That’s why the Bible says there is no male or female in Christ (Galatians 3:28). There have been a few confusing scriptures when taken at face value however, but all we have to do is study it out to get the understanding. For example, women will be saved through child-bearing.

Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety. – I Tim 2:15

At face value, it appears that the scripture is saying women cannot be saved unless they have babies, but that leaves a lot of women out. Some women are infertile, others have not married and never will marry. How will they have babies in a God-honoring way? Well, that isn’t what the scripture is saying. When studied, in context, the letter is written from Paul to Timothy instructing him on how to respond to the false doctrine that had infiltrated the church at Ephesus that Timothy was given charge over.

There was a false god called Artemis. She was known for fertility and child-birth among other things. All of her devotees were women called, priestesses. They were infiltrating the Ephesian church putting fear in Christian women about not getting through childbirth safely if they chose not to worship her. That word saved in the Greek means: to save, keep safe and sound, to rescue from danger or destruction. Those who interpreted the scripture may have made the understanding clearer by using the word safe through child-bearing instead of saved. Safe is a word more similar to the Greek meaning of saved as we know it in the English language.

The Bible confirms the presence of worship for Artemis in Acts 19:23-41. There was a riot that started due to Blacksmiths and tradesmen being afraid that Paul’s ministry would put them out of business for making and selling the Artemis idols.

Looking up definitions of words, studying the historical contexts in Bible dictionaries, commentaries, and other reputable sources allows us to get a greater understanding of what the scripture is saying rather than taking someone’s word for it who has not studied. Unfortunately, some Christian teachers place their on biases in teachings relating to the scripture.

However, The Word of God will always confirm it’s meaning. It is better to believe and fear God and his Word than man. Don’t allow yourself to be distracted by the cares of this life, but instead, study to show yourself approved unto God a workman who doesn’t need to be ashamed rightly dividing the Word of truth. My point is that you need to know God for yourself. You need to know what he says about you for yourself. You need to know that God values and loves you for yourself. Don’t believe the lies, and don’t allow yourself to be distracted.

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Christian Hip-Hop’s Response to Kanye West’s New Album:

First, I watched the “Jesus is King” documentary, which was essentially a performance of songs edited together. I could feel the presence of the Lord while viewing the film and listening to the lyrics. Many have had their eyes on Kanye since his release last week of the “Jesus is King” album along with the film. I’m digging the album thus far with my favorite track being, “We Have Everything We Need.”


​There’s been controversy as usual when a public figure decides to declare Christ. Many condemn in an attempt to verify if the person is really saved or not instead of allowing the person to simply live out their new life as a Christian allowing God to reveal the wheat from the tare in the end. The hope should always be for all men to be saved as God has clearly outlined as His will in 2 Peter 3:9.
There has been more positive response however in the Christian Hip-hop world starting with Da’Truth, who shared the below on his Instagram:

Lecrae Responded to Da’truth’s post with the below:

I like the balance of accountability that Da’truth brings in his statement with the balance of God’s grace bought in Lecrae’s statement. Both responses are important. Are gospel/Christian artists creating what they feel will be more acceptable to the culture or are they creating what God has placed on their hearts to share? Da’Truth’s question could be a great heart check question; while Lecrae balances the statement by admonishing us to remember God’s grace over any feeling of condemnation. As God’s people, we are to grasp the truth and do better with it, not wallow in condemnation because of our lack of grasping that truth sooner.

Eshon Burgundy warned the body of Christ on his Instagram account by posting a video stating, in short, that believers should watch and pray not rushing to make Kanye’ a leader immediately as it’s too soon to tell what his motives truly are. While Ruslan shared the below scripture as a response to Eshon saying in essence that at this point it doesn’t matter what his motives are because the gospel is being preached:

It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. 16 The latter do so out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. 17 The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains. 18 But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this, I rejoice.
Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, Philippians 1:15-18

Dee-1 is rooting for Kanye’ and his lifestyle change as a Christian. These have all been positive and well-balanced responses to Kanye’s new album and proclamation as a believer. What’s going through your mind as you view all of this? Leave your comments below.

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A Daily Trust in the Lord:

We should not just be trusting God for one thing, but trusting in the Lord should be our daily lifestyle. I believe one of the things God has been dealing with me about is a daily trust in the Lord. Daily trust in the Lord is one of the benefits of resting in God. Resting in God is birthed through journeying through various trials and tribulations and coming out as victorious. This is our inheritance in Christ Jesus.

God’s word provides specific encouragement in enduring through daily life challenges by faith. This restful faith ensures that everything God has promised us will come to pass. We should not be anxious about what God’s promised but instead live in a daily trust. We should not become angry, resentful or rebellious because God’s promise hasn’t come to pass yet.

But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord, a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. – 2 Peter 3:8

The above scripture reminds us that God and humans do not think on the same wavelength as it pertains to time. God is extraordinarily patient when it comes to his promise to return to earth and judge the world. Why? Because he is waiting for other people to come into the kingdom of God. That’s his purpose in being so patient. He wants to make sure everyone he died to save will come to him and receive his salvation.

However, the same chapter in 2 Peter warns against those turning away from God in rebellion as if God’s promise is no longer relevant to them because things have been the same for so long. God wants us to know even though things may be the same for a long time; His word is still true and his promise still stands. We will discover his promise one day in daily faith or if we fall away as the rebellious; we will discover his promise one day in judgment and wrath. We have a choice. What will your decision be?

I’m choosing to continue to rest in daily faith and trust toward the Lord. When we are in this place, we will notice that things that happen that may have been seen as negative or disappointing by others will not affect us as much. Not because we are superhuman, but because our trust has become more firmly rooted in Christ Jesus. This is an amazing place to live in.

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I Agree w/Erica Campbell on Masturbation:

Recently, Erica Campbell has been very vocal about her views on masturbation. She shared her view on the Breakfast Club asking the question where does God go during masturbation:

“I know some churches say for the brothas. ‘It’ll keep you from slipping up. Go ahead and handle yourself. I’ve heard some women say, ‘I take care of myself before I go out on a date…”

She went on to share the beauty of approaching everything that we do from a position of purity within our hearts:

“I think about purity and purity happens before the actual action of whatever you do. Whatever you watch, whatever you listen to, whatever you do with yourself. Your mind being in a place of purity is very crucial. But I think in our society today, everything is sexualized. You could be selling chicken and there will be a pair of boobs there. It’s just everywhere. So, I think guarding your mind and guarding your thoughts and treating sex and sexuality as something beautiful that God created that’s supposed to be beautiful and otherworldly and you come together with somebody and your lives come together. It’s not so cheap.”

Finally, she shared that she just doesn’t have to masturbate as she has a fine handsome husband to be sexual with. I just have to say, I love what she shared. Erica has always given me hope in the arena of love and relationships. I adore the relationship she has with her Hubs.

In one article that I read she shared that she doesn’t know what it’s like for the singles, but she has her husband. Well, as a woman, who is currently single. I wanted to show my agreement with the idea of not participating in masturbation as well. Masturbation is something that I’ve shared that I’ve been free from since the age of 12. However, that doesn’t mean that I’ve never been sexually tempted. I’ve simply gotten to a point where I know I don’t have to give in to it.

Most times when single believers are tempted toward an act of masturbation or any type of sexual impurity; it isn’t because of the act itself, but a deeper underlying issue. A single believer may feel unwanted, rejected, unloved or angry at God for allowing him/her to be single for so long with such a high standard of waiting for marriage to have sex. To fill a void or desire to feel loved; a person may participate in a sexual impurity whether it is masturbation, pornography, air-humping or fantasying. It’s just a real thing that single believers will have to overcome.

Once, the underlying issue is dealt with, it honestly becomes easier to wait in a place of purity to experience sex in the right way—the way God has ordained for it to happen between a husband and wife. The problem comes up when a person doesn’t believe s/he can be free from sexual impurity and so s/he makes excuses to continue in sin. Humility in consistently seeking the Lord about the issue that caused the sexual impurity along with humility in inviting others in who can help with correction, accountability, and encouragement in purity will assist in dealing with the underlying issue. Seeing ourselves as God sees us will resolve any issues within how we value ourselves or the lack thereof. The more secure we are in the Lord; the more sexually pure we will be.

We also have to learn to value getting to know God intimately over self-pleasure. The Bible warns that in the last days people will become lovers of pleasure more than lovers of God.

They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. 2 Timothy 3:4 (NLT)

The Word of God shares that the pure in heart are those who hang out with the Lord. If we value this hanging out in the presence of the Lord more than having our flesh temporarily satisfied; we will also overcome the lusts of this world.

A psalm of David. LORD, who may dwell in your sacred tent? Who may live on your holy mountain? He who walks with integrity and practices righteousness, who speaks the truth from his heart, He who walks uprightly, And works righteousness, And speaks the truth in his heart; Psalms 15:1-2

If we continue to read in the above chapter, there is a level of purity and un-mixture that we can get to in Christ. When we are struggling in our flesh it doesn’t seem that way, but it is possible and our reward for walking in obedience to God is more of his presence. There is a greater longing, fear, and sensitivity that comes on us in that place. It makes us want to resist our flesh and continue to fight the urge to satisfy our flesh in impure ways.

That’s something we have to guard against. Masturbation and sexual impurity cannot become an idol in our lives that we are looking to for acceptance, worth, value, or comfort more than God. That’s idolatry. It’s a perverted form of what God created to glorify himself. God created sex inside of marriage to bond the husband and wife to one another, not to bond us more with trying to please ourselves. The Word of God also warns against a self-seeking and wicked culture:

Above all, you must understand that in the last days scoffers will come, scoffing and following their own evil desires. – 2 Peter 3:3

Scoffers are those who despise the law, boundaries, or authority for their own selfish gain. God’s way is not like that. God tells us to submit ourselves to the process of being a living sacrifice holy and acceptable to him which is our reasonable service:

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. – Romans 12:1-2

Finally, condemnation will keep believers in sexual sin. Condemnation is from Satan. It is used to make us feel as though we aren’t good enough to do things God’s way. We may be tempted to believe that holiness and purity are only for certain people because we may continue to mess up. However, the Word of God also says that a righteous man falls seven times, and seven times gets back up again. You have to keep seeking God to be free, putting up boundaries, and placing yourself in environments with godly community that will help you to overcome this area. God’s grace is available for those struggling with sexual sin. The Lord can keep us from falling in this area.

I am a personal witness. I’ve been delivered from fantasy lust for some years now. I remember God sharing with me one day saying, “You don’t need that crutch.” It was something I was using to still feel desired and wanted even though it seemed as though I was unwanted. I remember praying to the Lord saying, “I wish I was better for you. I wish I was stronger for you.” The devil will try to make you believe you aren’t good enough for God because you struggle with sexual impurity when the reality is you just need to be delivered from whatever is driving you to find comfort in the sin outside of God.

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Remember Your Why:

I believe God is in the process of promoting many of his people. I’m seeing peaks of some of what’s to come in my life, and it is awesome. In the excitement of promotion and new experiences, I personally believe its important to remember why I began. This is integral to maintaining character within the new space.

I am thankful that God allows reminders along our path to cause us to look straight up to him. Looking at the Lord is the ultimate reminder of why. I’m currently studying on people in the Bible who built altars to the Lord wherever they went. Altars to the Lord weren’t just something in the Bible that was for the local assembly of what we would call the church today, but it was for every situation, decision, and place where God’s people were.

We operate in the same way as a King David, who built an altar to the Lord on a threshing floor, which was an unfamiliar place for worship, and yet a necessary place of worship to save lives. In the story, where King David built the altar on the threshing floor he was acting in a place of worship to the Lord, but also a place of intercession for Israel. Israel was in the middle of judgment because David had erred in numbering God’s people.

David had gotten a little off in his position of promotion as the king, but God bought him back to his why by reminding him to build an altar. That altar is that intimate place of worship, fellowship, and raw communion with the Lord. Let’s seek the Lord to help us to continue to have a pure heart in remembering why we are being promoted. Let’s remember our dreams to intercede for others in a position that would bring God glory. Let’s remember that even though there are benefits and favor for us that the benefits and favor aren’t our total motivation.

Let’s not forget Matthew 6:33 has been our roadmap up until this point and it will continue to lead us on the right path. Let’s remember our why.
Read 1 Chronicle 21 to learn of David numbering the people and being corrected by God and told to build an altar.

Have you sensed or seen promotion anywhere in your life? How have you prepared your heart for promotion? Has God worked with you to prepare your heart for promotion?

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