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Are You Ready to Date Quiz & Discussion Series Pt. 1

Many of you have been rocking with me for many years. It’s something to believe that this blog will be turning 8 years old later this year. I recently did a poll of my email subscribers to find out how they are currently viewing their singleness and the figures were really good. Below, I’ll share each question and the results at the start of this series. Then, I’ll share why each question shows the importance of holding the proper perspective. The proper perspectives on each question will allow one to know if s/he is ready to date yet or if s/he is currently still in process.

This poll is for those who would like to date with a whole mindset meaning having their perspectives lined up with what God says. Thus, dating would not be motivated by fear, control, rejection, or any of the issues we can sometimes use dating to cover up. This isn’t to say that a person cannot get married and have a successful marriage if they don’t have the correct answer to each of these because God’s grace is sufficient for our weaknesses and he’s committed to our process.

I believe there are those God has called apart to be an example of doing dating and marriage from a whole mindset. Most people don’t do it because it is hard and requires sacrifice and humility. Most people prefer the easy way of doing things. While the easy way works out okay in the beginning; it often gets harder with time. The bottom line is we all will have to go through something, but through following the wisdom of God, some hardships can be avoided.

Let’s go through the singleness perception poll to gain a personal view of whether we are ready to date or not. If yes, is the answer. Purchase my latest book: Patterns of the Heart: Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse. This book will help you to practice discernment during your dating/pre-dating process. The book is currently available at all major online retailers.

Question #1
What are you most likely to do when a guy approaches you in public?

  1. Stop and converse if attracted, 80%
  2. Freeze up with fear, 20%
  3. Ignore him and keep going, 0%

As women, we can limit ourselves to our expectations, which often are to meet a guy in a safe and secure communal environment such as a church. The reality is our potential spouse may be anywhere and with the wrong mindset, we could be blocking ourselves out. The question then becomes if I may meet my potential spouse anywhere; how can I protect myself in discerning if a guy is good for me? These types of questions are answered in the new book, “Patterns of the Heart: Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse.” As a free bonus for purchasing the book and providing a screen-shot of the receipt to me via email; I’ll provide a question we can ask guys that we meet in public to help us weed out guys who would only waste our time. We are too valuable to give just anyone our romantic attention.

Question # 2
Do you feel confident in communication with a person of the opposite sex?

  1. Yes, 80%
  2. No, 20 %

Single believers are blessed with time that married people often do not have. We should use this time to enjoy our lives, relationship with God, and to develop ourselves in every aspect of our lives. So, you’ve learned that you aren’t the best communicator. Join a professional development group that helps you to communicate. Join unisex ministries at church or visit unisex ministries at other churches. Many women may be afraid to communicate with a man they are interested in due to religion. The Black church has taught Proverbs 18:21 so wrongly that many women are afraid to be themselves.

Do you know that being yourself naturally makes you more comfortable with talking with the opposite sex because being yourself makes you more comfortable with expressing yourself with confidence? Thus, if you are a friendly person, be friendly to everyone including men—even if you’re interested in a man. As long as you aren’t overdoing it seeking to control, manipulate, or force something that isn’t there. You should be trusting God in all of your interactions. We’ll discuss this further in the next question. Smile, laugh, cry, be authentically you. Side-note: Sometimes, when we aren’t supposed to form a relationship with a person, it will be more difficult to connect with them. That could be God keeping a door closed that we aren’t supposed to open.

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Regret Acting as Condemnation During Grief:

Sometimes, when we lose someone due to death, we begin to internalize and blame ourselves. The regret that we feel can easily turn into thoughts of condemnation, but condemnation is not of God. It is of the devil.

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. – John 3:17 (NIV)

Condemnation brings with it a feeling of unworthiness, not feeling good enough, and condemnation to a particular lifestyle that seeks to assign us to one status in life. Usually, that status is one of constantly seeking retribution for our regret. Instead, of living a life of grace toward ourselves; we go down a path of self-destruction punishing ourselves.

This is a trap for those who are grieving that Satan often tries to get us caught up in. I’m so thankful that I have a relationship with the Lord, who promises to lead and guide us into all truth. Condemnation is not truth. It’s a lie.

God wants everyone who is wrestling with this lie of condemnation to know they have a future, even if there was wrong done regarding the loved one who passed, God’s grace is already there to forgive. Further, some things we cannot prepare for as there is no manual on how to deal with the trauma of someone dying.

I remember struggling with regret and feeling as though I was being sucked into a hole of depression, lifelessness, or resolve to not go on living the full abundant life God gave to me through Jesus Christ. I had to constantly renew my mind by what God shared with me.

I regretted not being at the hospital every day due to moving, repairing my car to pass the state emissions’ test to avoid my driver’s license being suspended, and other things that placed a demand on my time. I regretted not being as vulnerable with my emotions, but trying to stay strong for my dad while he was in the hospital believing he would make it in case God saw fit for him to do so.
I regretted that my being strong was actually denial to avoid the trauma of what was really going on—the fact that my dad was being taken away from me and there was nothing I could do. I wanted to take responsibility though. I wanted to somehow save him.

I learned that trauma is an emotional response to a distressing situation. Trauma can sometimes paralyze us and trap us in anxiety. Somehow, things worked out where I was strong enough to be strong for others in my family who were breaking down. Perhaps, had I over-extended myself, even more, I may not have been in a place to restore others. This has been a thought that’s helped me to renew my mind from condemnation and regret to hope for my future along with the below truths God recently gave me.

Condemnation works with regret to get us to quit:
Did you know that regret in a lot of ways acts like condemnation? Condemnation is a tool the enemy uses to make us give up. Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t let regret make you decide to stop moving forward.

We have to remember who we are. We are God’s sons and daughters. Because we are God’s sons and daughters, we should always expect a future. That is part of our inheritance as sons and daughters of God. This should be a part of our foundation. A foundation holds the house up. For us to be held up; we have to go back, at various times in our lives, to our foundation―the understanding of who we are. Read Romans 8:1-17

Caption the below scripture in your mind:

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. – Galatians 5:5

Regret and condemnation are a pull from the enemy to get us to forget who we are and to get us in a place where we are working for acceptance, approval, and being good enough; instead of believing we are through Christ Jesus. We set ourselves in a cycle that we cannot get out of when we give in to regret acting as condemnation. We cannot do enough work to be acceptable, but we can believe we are.

Some ways to deal with regret can be to ask the Lord to help us to deal with the regret. We can ask the Lord to teach us how to view our regret and to help us to learn from it.
We need to commit ourselves to receive the grace and mercy God gives us:
There is a scripture in Romans that says where sin increased; graced increased the more. That means God has already calculated our missteps before we would make them. Thus, he’s made provision for those missteps, so we’d be able to continue in confidence regarding our covenant with God through Jesus Christ. The missteps we make do not disqualify us from God’s grace. If God does not disqualify us; why should we disqualify ourselves? Read Romans 5:20. Also, read the whole chapter of Romans 5.

There is no manual for dealing with the trauma of grief:
There is a very freeing scripture in the Bible that says sin is not imputed where there is no law. This means that sin is not counted against us as sin where there is no law. There is literally, no law in how to deal with the trauma of grief. Trauma, again, is our emotional response to a distressing circumstance. Everyone is different. Some people may be able to handle being in a traumatic situation, such as watching someone they are close to dying for a long period. Whereas, someone else may have to take breaks from watching their loved one die due to the pain of the trauma.
In those moments, we have to give ourselves grace knowing God isn’t holding it against us for being human. It’s human to hurt or possibly break down when we see someone we love hurt and we cannot do anything about it to stop it. There is no law against how we deal with it. Often, we don’t even know how we’ll deal with it until we’re placed in that situation. From the situation, we learn and grow how to do things the next time. Give yourself a break and don’t hold it against yourself because God doesn’t.

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10 Principles of Powerful Women by R.C. Blakes:

It’s a new day for women who know who they are. Recently, I attended a conference that featured Pastor R.C. Blakes. He encourages women nationally and internationally with his teachings of Queenology. Queenology is an intentional way that women carry themselves. These women as he teaches are self-aware, self-mastered, self-sufficient, self-projected, and self-actualized. Women who carry themselves by the standard of being queens find themselves doing so through the foundation of their relationship with God.

He begins the talk sharing how many women have a broken consciousness where they aren’t aware of who they are. Women were made to have dominion also in the beginning, but most do not know it. He shared how the world hates a woman who knows who she is―getting out of the bed in the morning with confidence. It was refreshing to hear a man build women up to embrace the full abundant life that Christ died for us to have; instead of simply waiting for a man to come into our lives.

Some of the 10 principles are below along with the full recording at the bottom of the article:
Powerful Women Conquer their Emotions
Powerful women do not walk around with their thermostat open for anyone to turn them up or down. He who has no rule over his spirit is like a city without walls (Proverbs 25:28.) He also shared the quote, “The brilliant emotional person will be the servant to the idiot who has control of his life.” There are men out there who draw women in emotionally to use them for their advantage. Women who will conquer their emotions will have to set a limit for themselves and when she feels herself getting close to her limit she will have to self-correct. Also, women who conquer their emotions will have to study women who thrive in high-pressure environments. There should be at least one woman within our circle that we can study. If there isn’t, we will need a new circle. Finally, he shared on emotions, “When your emotions are undisclosed, you own your power and dictate what happens around you.”
Powerful Women are Students of the way Men Think
He began this with scripture from 1 John 4:1 that says not to believe every spirit, but to test the spirits to see whether they are from God. We should not just believe a man off top, but we need to gather data on a date instead of allowing ourselves to be intoxicated with the romance of being out with a man. Men, according to Pastor Blakes operate in 3 ways to hook a woman:

  1. Calculated Conversation
  2. Intentionally becomes a woman’s emotional addiction
  3. Avoids commitment

He made it a point to share that not all men operate in this way, but in general the above is the game.

A Powerful Woman Values Financial Independence
He shared a shocking study that poverty is a woman’s issue. You’ll have to listen to the audio below to find out more details on why that is. Instead of waiting for a night and shining armor; he encouraged women to maximize their abilities sharing a story about a woman who had been married and financially kept by her husband. This woman had experienced several nice things that her husband paid for. One day her husband left her deciding he wanted a younger woman. That married woman had to deal with herself and learn how to become self-sufficient. She became a millionaire starting her own business. This can happen for any woman who shares the required determination and applies it by studying and doing what is necessary to become successful.

Visit Pastor R.C. Blakes website for more content and materials:https://www.rcblakes.com/ 

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Doing Anger Well:

Doing anger well is when we’re angry and we choose not to sin while expressing our anger. This is indeed possible or else God’s word would not have said to be angry and do not sin.

What are some of the ways that we express our anger while sinning? Getting outside of character cursing or belittling someone instead of getting to the root of the problem. Also, acting in rage which could lead to more serious things like murder.

The idea is to use anger to our advantage. Chip Dodd, Author and Psychologist shares in his book, Patterns of the Heart that anger reveals our passions and what’s important to us. In other words, we aren’t angry just for the sake of being angry, but there are deeper concerns that we have that need to be addressed or heard. Our frustration shown in anger is simply a manifestation of not dealing with the deeper issue.

For example, recently I’d taken my mom to a doctor’s appointment and when we’d gotten there, we were greeted with the news that she was not on the schedule. We were also asked questions that made me feel interrogated as though, I just walked into the office with my mom without following the established protocol.

I became upset and was visibly angry. I shared my concern of how I felt that they made a mistake and would not acknowledge it, but acted as if they were doing my mom a favor to squeeze her in and the kicker was that the scheduler lied saying I’d cancelled before-hand and cancelled the appointment. Thus, the manager of the facility tried to scold me as if I was the one lying.

I did not curse or belittle the woman whom I felt interrogated me as though I was lying. I simply stayed focused on the main grievance. Everything else is a distraction. After, I felt I did not get anywhere with her, I asked for her bosses’ info to write a letter. I was angry.

Finally, the woman came back and apologized saying she’d thought about what I’d said. The apology came after I showed her the call-log from the conversations I’d had with the scheduler. Even though I was right regarding the situation, had I acted out of character, the main issue would have never been resolved. Instead, I would have created an even bigger issue.

Thus, doing anger well, is a challenge of discipline and self-control to deal with the underlying issue at hand and get that resolved in order to put the anger to rest. When viewing anger as Chip Dodd says, it causes us to look at anger in a more positive way when used correctly; it can lead to greater understanding and more connected relationships.

Finally, the Bible gives us wisdom in sharing the below:”In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. – Ephesians 4:6
We should not allow too much time to pass before we deal with that underlying issue. We should seek to get it resolved before we can ponder on that anger too much allowing it to grow into more than it needs to.

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5 Questions about Mental Health Answered by Licensed Psycho Therapist

Mental health is one of those topics that is difficult for the common man to understand without proper training from an expert. Thankfully, in today’s society the topic of mental health is becoming more normalized and less stigmatized so that we can all live at our optimum health mentally. Here’s a brief interview asking 5 questions about Mental health answered to get us started learning about the topic with Psycho-Therapist Donzell Lampkins, MSW, LCSW.

How does mental illness normally occur? 

Several factors can contribute to a mental illness such as a person’s genetic makeup, temperament, environment, or social situation. Trauma, certain substances/medications, as well as medical conditions can contribute to a mental illness developing overtime. Other times, the cause is unknown, which can be difficult to accept.

questions about mental health

Can mental illness happen to anyone?

Absolutely! Mental illness doesn’t discriminate. In fact, according to NAMI, 1 in 5 U.S. adults experience mental illness each year. We all experience life so we are all susceptible to mental illness. However, we can decrease our risk by building our mental strength through developing healthy coping mechanisms, utilizing our support system, and practicing gratitude and a positive/growth mindset.

How can we help ourselves, friends, and family be healthy in this area?

The best thing we can do is acknowledge our emotions, be transparent, check on each other, seek help and encourage our loved ones to seek help.

questions about mental health

Is unforgiveness an open door to mental illness? 

I don’t know that there is direct causation, but there are correlations between unforgiveness, bitterness, and resentment with mental illness. It’s important to resolve our emotions regarding people or things that have harmed us. Forgiveness is choosing to let go of the negative emotions associated with the offense. Nonetheless, it’s not forgetting or pardoning a person for their actions. When we choose not to forgive, we’re consciously holding on to the negative emotions, which can cause a mental illness to develop due to the duration of symptoms. This results in a difficulty reducing symptoms and the negative impact on our ability to function in important areas of our life such as social relationships.

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Are there levels of mental illness?

Yes, there are. Clinically speaking. There are different types of mental illnesses with varying levels of severity ranging from mild to severe. Some mental illnesses are life long and require medication in conjunction with evidence-based therapy. Different therapeutic treatment modalities have been clinically proven to effectively treat various mental illnesses so it’s important to understand what your needs are from a therapist. 

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Just Mercy:

I went into watching Just Mercy expecting the setting of the film to be during the 1960s, but I was surprised to find out that the leading story of attorney Bryan Stevenson assisting an innocent man, Walter McMillan, in escaping death row played out in real life during the late 1980s and early 1990s. I searched my memory banks and could not remember hearing of his story at all.
Bryan Stevenson is the real-life author and attorney who dedicated his life toward freeing inmates wrongfully convicted on death row, and other serious issues related to ending mass incarceration and working toward stopping the placement of children as young as 13 and 14 in the adult population and on death row.

Just Mercy shows a young Bryan, played by Michael B. Jordan, who has graduated from Harvard and dedicated his life to serving the poor and incarcerated, at no cost through his Equal Justice Imitative. The film follows three men who are in cells near each other. Each with a sentence to die on death row.

For every nine people executed on death-row; there is at least one person found exonerated.   Bryan has some very strong convictions regarding justice and mercy.  He shares that the opposite of poverty is justice and the opposite of hopelessness is justice. He reminds me of Dr. King with statements such as:

“All men possess a right to dignity no matter what they have done.”
“A thief is not just a thief, a liar, not just a liar, or a murderer, just a murderer.”

He takes the idea of justice seriously not just fighting for Blacks to be free, but all men. He, however, recognizes the clear and unjust treatment of many African Americans as depicted in the film. The evidence against Mr. Walter was clearly fabricated. You will have to watch the film to see the blatant injustice and the stirring call to justice that Bryan’s character, Michael portrays. The film ends with Michael giving a brief speech sharing how everyone needs justice, grace, and mercy.

Jamie Foxx, in an interview, shared wise words that his grandmother told him in an interview about the film. His grandmother’s lesson was that a Black man can never make the same mistake as a White man. He was taught this at a young age to avoid having the idea that if he did make a mistake, he’d receive the same sentence as a White man.

The history of criminal justice in this country clearly shows that there is a problem and that Jamie’s grandmother was correct. Hopefully, this film can tug the heartstrings of those in power to make changes that will treat all people with justice and dignity as Stevenson calls for.

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Possessing the Promises of God in Humility

I’m going into the new year like #humility. Yes, humility is something that prepares us for more. Read my book, “The Wholeness Action Plan” where I discuss how humbling circumstances prepare us for more. The Bible says the below about humility:

Before destruction, the heart of a man is haughty, And before honor is humility. – Proverbs 18:12

Life, itself, will cause us to walk in humility, but please know that God doesn’t waste any of the things we’ve gone through that has caused greater humility in our lives. God uses it to promote us and give us more. I have to remind myself of this and I was reminded in my quiet time reading and meditating on God’s word.

Caleb, in Joshua 14, recalls the story of himself being a bold young man of the age of 40 with convictions that the Lord would be faithful to his promise of giving Israel the land of Canaan and all the land He’d promised. Because of Caleb’s conviction, he was outnumbered in his belief. He did not judge his belief based on how things appeared but on God’s character.
Caleb had to live with this conviction 45 more years before he had seen it come to pass. Can you imagine being in the minority of believing God in spite of what things look like and for four and a half decades appearing like a fool before others who did not see God’s promise come to pass?

Finally, at the correct time, after the previous generation had died off, as God prophesied in Deuteronomy 1:35-36 saying

“No one from this evil generation shall see the good land I swore to give your ancestors, except Caleb son of Jephunneh. He will see it, and I will give him and his descendants the land he set his feet on because he followed the Lord wholeheartedly. – Deuteronomy 1:35-36

Not even Moses was allowed to enter into the promised land. Caleb and Joshua both had ample opportunity to give up on believing God through 45 years of not yet seeing the promise, losing relatives and mentors, and believing God without physical proof of his promise. However, Caleb and Joshua continued to believe. Caleb has been spoken of on more than one occasion of following God wholeheartedly. Trusting God throughout all of those years and experiencing various losses only humbled Caleb more causing him to realize even more that his one true hope would and could not be anything but the Lord.

Because of his trust in God; it was as if Caleb had lost no time. He shared that his strength at age 85 was just as it was at the age of 40 years old when his faith was first shown in such a public way. God promises in his Word to renew our youth like eagles by satisfying our desires with good things.

Who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle. – Psalms 103:5

Don’t forget that it’s God’s will to work in us both to will and do of his good pleasure. That includes causing us to desire what He desires for us and trusting him to fulfill it. So, at 85 years old, Caleb was blessed by Joshua and given the land of Hebron, which was formerly called Kadesh-Barnea. The story closes out again sharing how Caleb inherited the land along with his descendants every since because he followed the Lord wholeheartedly. It takes humility to follow the Lord wholeheartedly especially in a culture with those who do not believe and mock at others for their belief. Through it all, Caleb was full of the goodness of God not concerning himself with unbelief. His decision not only caused him to have an inheritance, but his whole family line—through his act of faith, belief, humility, and obedience to following the Lord. What have you been believing God for with strong conviction to bless not only yourself but your whole family line? Are you willing to humble yourself in staying in faith no matter what things look like?

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Faith or Denial

Can I be real about some of the things that tempt us to turn away from the living God? There is this battle of questioning that we can sometimes experience after a loss. We may ask ourselves have we been walking in faith or denial?

Namely, this applies to when we are believing God for something in faith that does not happen. What do we do and what do we believe when we’ve believed God for something that it’s become clear to us just isn’t going to happen? Should we turn away from God and believe His Word isn’t true? Should we question whether God loves us because maybe He’s done what we were believing for someone else, but not us?

These are normal questions that come up in the human experience of life. In this life, we face serious and very real difficulties where we lose something. Yes, I said it, and it’s okay to realize that we’ve lost something whether a loved one, loss of use of our fully functioning due to illness, or other things, but life and faith isn’t over at our point of loss.

In the over-spiritualized name it and claim it culture, we sometimes live in denial of what’s really going on. Yes, I believe in living in faith, but I also believe in walking in humility in the circumstance that I am in.

The reality is God wants us to walk in faith, but sometimes we have to walk in a lower place of humility on our way to seeing what faith will produce in our lives. Faith, biblically defined, is the substance of what we hope for and the evidence of things unseen.

In other words, we can have hope, and believe God for a thing, but there is still an element of the unknown to our faith. We aren’t guaranteed that a thing will happen unless God specifically spoke on it. The unseen is just that unseen. We don’t know. There is a humility that is produced within us that comes from the unknown and the crushing of things not happening as we expected.

What we do know is that we are to live our lives trusting in God, depending and relying on God. In this trust, dependence and relying on God, what’s unseen will be manifested. It could be healing, stewardship over something greater than we imagined, or a disappointment. Things may go in a totally different direction than what we were believing for. It’s okay to admit and say that we don’t know, are disheveled, or confused when we are.

God forbid, those who once were believers would begin to turn their hearts against the Lord in hardness of heart because they named and claimed something where God said no. God’s promises are yes and amen. These are things he has promised personally. He promised Joseph personally that he would be in a position of authority over his brothers and He bought it to pass. Things God has not promised specifically to us; He can say no on―whether we name and claim it or not.

God watches over what He’s promised to perform it. That’s his Word. Anything else is unseen and unknown. I myself walked in denial believing God until the end to heal my father when God had already revealed that he would not live any further. Of course, I continued to believe in case the Lord changed his mind as he did with Hezekiah. God’s word stood however and I had to submit to it.

When God says no. We have to submit to it in humility continuing to believe in the Lord. We have to believe that all things work together for our good and that something good will come out of it. I recently heard an awesome message taught by Michael Todd on fading faith for those who’ve experienced loss while trying to believe. He shared how those people needed a personal tangible touch from God. That has been a personal prayer I’d shared with the Lord after my real loss.

I can say that I’ve experienced the Lord walking with me and reassuring me of his presence during this time in such a real way. I believe that it’s helped me not to walk in denial of how I feel, or what I’ve experienced that allows me to continue to walk in faith.

Don’t allow anyone to make you feel ashamed, unspiritual, or lacking in faith for being real about the genuine loss you’ve experienced. God cares about your loss and how you feel. Most importantly, God cares about how we see him because this determines if we’ll be able to believe in him. God isn’t afraid of your honesty as you express the real emotions of your loss. If you feel frustrated, let down, or confused, let God know. Reach out to him so you too can continue to walk in faith over denying him.

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Freedom from the Prison of Regret

Regret is to feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over something that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity (Google Dictionary). Dealing with regret successfully will require the application of the main points provided in my book, “The Wholeness Action Plan.”

The Wholeness Action Plan was written as a book to share how to get through hard circumstances in life that may have occurred either within or outside of our control. Some of the main points covered in the book that can assist with overcoming regret are below:

Make a choice
With regret, we have to also make a choice. We have to choose not to punish ourselves for what has already been done. Our constant replaying of an incident that led to regret or grief will only continue to make us feel sad about what has happened and what we did not do that we wish we could have done. We cannot go back into the past and change the past, but we do have the hope of changing and impacting our future. Placing ourselves in a prison of blame and bondage only makes us forget that we have a future. God has not condemned us for being human. We have to make a choice not to condemn ourselves.
Regret is another form of worrying that leads to condemnation. God is clear in his Word that His intentions are not to condemn the world, but that the world through Him would have life and that more abundantly (John 3:17, John 10:10). There is still a hopeful future for you despite the regret. Choose to use regret to learn from it. Apply what you’ve learned to your healthy and bright future. The worry of regret will not change things.

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? – Luke 12:25 (NIV)
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11

Choose to forgive
We are supposed to love others as we love ourselves, right? Well, if this is true, and we’re required to forgive others; we have to also forgive ourselves. Maybe we regret that we did not do something that we should have done or maybe we did not have information in a moment of crisis that we have now. Or perhaps, we were too weak or full of anxiety to act in a crisis and we shut down. Whatever the regret is we have to choose to forgive ourselves for it. We also need to bring the area of weakness to God so He can give us strength in that area to do better next time. Life is full of challenges, situations, and experiences where we will make mistakes and we will not perform our best. Some situations we will simply just not know what to do until we get there and that’s okay. Give yourself a break. Let yourself breathe. Commit to forgiving yourself anytime the thought of regret comes up. Remind yourself that you’ve forgiven yourself and you are only moving forward from this point. File the experience as a lesson learned for the next time you face a similar challenge.

Take Responsibility
Finally, taking responsibility is the humility within us to admit we were wrong, we fell short, or maybe we dropped the ball. Again, it’s okay, because we are human, but apply what was learned from this experience to the next opportunity.
You are worth it. You are loved, and worthy of living your life in more than regret. Be free from the prison of regret to move forward and live.

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How God uses the Legacy of Our Ancestors to Draw Us Near to Him:

What is your legacy or family story? How has God used it to draw you closer to him? Sometimes the best preachers aren’t preachers at all, but they are relatives who live their lives in realness trusting in the Lord. The Bible speaks about how we are living epistles read of men. I have a blessed legacy to follow. My dad was a real father. He did not attend church regularly, but he believed in the Lord. He listened to church on the radio mostly and watched it on television, and the Lord was with him.

I was reminded of this during my current Bible reading in the book of Joshua. Joshua had lost his close mentor, Moses. He was in a position where he now had to move forward with God and the purpose at hand while still processing his grief.

God spoke to him in the middle of grief saying, “Moses, my servant is dead. Therefore, the time has come for you to lead these people, the Israelites, across the Jordan River into the land I am giving them. The purpose and the plan God had for his people did not stop. It feels that way sometimes when we lose a loved one. We just want to stop, but God’s voice instructs Joshua to keep going and in doing so, to lead the people to also keep going.

Not only does God encourage Joshua to keep going, but he ministers to him as he leads him. I thought it was interesting how reminiscent God’s dealing with Joshua was of his dealing with Moses—almost like a memorial from God saying I know it hurts, but I will be with you as I was with your mentor Moses. He reminds Joshua of this not only by his words but by having him to cross over a river, Jordan. Similar to how Moses crossed over the Red Sea with the Israelites. The comfort that must have been to Joshua and Israel. It was like going down memory lane with God as if God was saying, I got you like I had Moses.

Again, God does the same when He appeared to Joshua as the Lord of hosts of the army of heaven. Like, He did with Moses, He asked Joshua to take off his shoes because he was on holy ground. Moses was told the same thing when God appeared to him through a burning bush.

Now when Joshua was near Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him with a drawn sword in his hand. Joshua went up to him and asked, “Are you for us or our enemies?”
“Neither,” he replied, “but as commander of the army of the Lord I have now come.” Then Joshua fell facedown to the ground in reverence, and asked him, “What message does my Lord[a] have for his servant?” The commander of the Lord’s army replied, “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy.” And Joshua did so. – Joshua 5:13-15

All of this was God saying, I am here with you for the rest of the journey. Just because Moses is gone doesn’t mean I left you; neither does it mean, I no longer have a purpose for you. God was with Joshua. Not only was God with Joshua, but God was exalting Joshua before the people. To exalt means to raise up. Joshua was being raised above his grief. He was being raised up as one chosen by God still in the middle of grief. He was being raised up as a sign that God had not forsaken Israel. It is refreshing to me how God so carefully did this with Joshua through the reminders of how he’d dealt with his mentor Moses.

God uses our ancestors to ingrain His way into our hearts and minds. Even so, God commanded Joshua to choose 12 men, representing the twelve tribes of Israel, to grab a stone from the Jordan river and make a memorial where they decided to stay that night. Afterward, the new generation of men was commanded to be circumcised—another sign God had given their ancestor Abraham regarding the covenant of promise to make him a great nation. Although, these great men had passed; their legacy was still living strong in the earth through their descendants because of the work of the Lord. God does the very same thing today. What can you remember about your ancestors that remind you to remember the Lord and his faithfulness to you and your generation?

God uses our ancestors to draw us near to us. He tells the story of the gospel with every life submitted to him again and again. He reminds us that even though our loved ones are no longer with us—He is with us, and our loved ones’ lives continue to serve a purpose as they rest with him. This has been something I’ve recently taken comfort in. I believe it was one of Tony Evan’s daughters who shared in so many words that leaving a legacy is not always about money, but about what that life still speaks even though its currently gone.

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