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Two Ways for Those Struggling w/Sexual Sin to Become Free:

Are you a single person or even a married person struggling with sexual sins such as pornography, masturbation, air humping, or fantasy lust? You aren’t the first one and you will not be the last one who’s struggled with those things. We all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.
We’re all in the same boat; some way or somehow when it comes to missing the mark, but we have hope through Jesus Christ. Just because you’re a Christian doesn’t mean that you will not struggle with sexual sin. The good news is that we overcome sexual sin through Jesus Christ. I’ve struggled with each one of those things, and I’ve overcome. Below are some of the things that have helped me and I believe they’ll be sure to help you as well.

Pursue God more than you Pursue Freedom from Sexual Sin
Having a heart that truly wants to honor God causes us to do all that we can to overcome sexual sin. We set up crazy boundaries like getting rid of our computers and electronic devices, not watching television at all, and not talking to the opposite sex on the phone after 9 p.m. That’s good and cool, and eventually may be helpful, but it isn’t enough.

We can obsess over trying to do the right thing so much that it could cause us to stumble and do the wrong things because we’re putting too much emphasis on our strength. The reality is our strength isn’t enough to keep us from sexual sin. Neither is our strength enough to keep us in right standing with God.

However, feeding a greater desire for intimacy with God will help to calm our sexual hormones because we’ll be able to be more aware of God’s grace that is available to us. That grace will produce humility, gratitude, and a greater appreciation for what we are afforded in Christ, and that will make us want to obey God. I remember when God shared with me saying, “I did not need that crutch”, which was a form of sexual sin. It was like he’d just taken it away. Sometimes, God allows us to struggle longer with a thing because we’re turning to idols for deliverance whether it’s our gimmicks, ministers, or what have you.

Not that there is anything wrong with doing what we can do and utilizing ministers, but remember God is a jealous God and wants us to know Him for ourselves. Others are limited in what they can provide, but God can provide all that we need and he wants to show that off in a relationship with Him. In response to God’s goodness; we receive his grace to obey. See scripture below:

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing, and perfect will. – Romans 12:1-2

I also personally believe that the more time that we spend with the Lord; the more convicted we are regarding our sin and the lesser power our sin has over us. See Psalms 15 that discusses what those who hang out with the Lord do. It isn’t because they’re perfect, but they’re in pursuit of the one who is perfect. Side note: Pursuing God is more than attending church. It’s a personal norm that is practiced at home and throughout the day. It’s acknowledging him in all our ways.

Seek his will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take. – Proverbs 3:6 (NLT)

Prayer is a large part of this. Sometimes, our life of seeking God has become so weak that we become more vulnerable to temptation. The Word of God shares that we ought to pray that we do not enter into temptation. Humans have a proneness to sin and we have to intentionally strengthen our heart for the Lord through prayer and following his voice.


“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” – Matthew 26:41
God does not condemn you. God’s whole covenant toward man is structured in a way as not to condemn. This is one of the first representations of God’s covenant toward mankind.

For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. There is no condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus. – John 3:17
The Holy Spirit will lead you out of the darkness of sexual sin. You have to allow him to lead you. That means you have to push past the feeling of condemnation to continue to believe God through the experience of your sexual sin. Condemnation will make you run away from God, but running to God is the only way you will experience freedom. Don’t believe the lie that you are condemned because of your weakness, but rather believe the truth that God has grace specially reserved for your weakness. That grace is not only giving you mercy for your wrong, but it also empowers you to do what is right.

It will release the chain of bondage that may have been opened up in your life because of a vice. You may have had a legitimate need or concern that you looked to lust to provide the resolve for; instead of trusting and believing in God and his wisdom to provide for you.

A vice is an illegitimate way to meet a legitimate need.

The above quote was mentioned in my first book, “The Single Christian Woman’s Guide.” This book is useful to men as well. Continue to do what is in your power, but realize your deliverance will not come from you; it will come from God. Learning to depend on the Lord through the guidance of his Holy Spirit will be the major determining factor to your sure freedom from sexual bondage.
The Word of God is a cleansing agent that washing us from the dirt that we sometimes get into. Below are some scriptures to meditate on as the Lord ministers to you to free you from your weak flesh:

So, I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. – Galatians 5:16

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.  For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so, he condemned sin in the flesh, so that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. – Romans 8:1-4

So he said to me, “This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: ‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the Lord Almighty. – Zechariah 4:6

This is what the LORD says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the LORD. – Jeremiah 17:5

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. – Jeremiah 17:7

The above scripture means that as long as we look to ourselves, flesh, or our means to be free; we’ll be in a self-defeating cycle, but when we become mature enough to look to the Lord; we will overcome.

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Helpful Financial Tips for COVID-19 Crisis

Morning, maybe you’re laid off or know someone who is laid off due to COVID-19, or maybe you’re at home with pay but have a lot of extra time on your hands. Below, I’ve gathered a few tips to help financially and with peace of mind regarding the COVID-19 pandemic.

Take advantage of Work from Home Jobs:
Many companies hire people to work from the comfort of their own homes. Some of these companies have not been affected by COVID-19 such as customer service, content creation, and other jobs that can be done from home. If you have the skills and the time, consider taking advantage of a work from home job. If you’re off with pay; you’ll have extra income to devote toward that side hustle that you’ve been trying to get off of the ground.

If you have no income, you’ll be able to have money to continue coming in to take care of your essentials. You can work from home until you find the job you want or maybe working from home will become the job you want. Take a look at the link below to utilize reputable work from home job opportunities: Click here

Concerned about Keeping Your Mortgage Up? Request a Forbearance:
If you’re off without pay, you may be concerned about your mortgage payment or even your rent payment. You can have some peace knowing that FHA, FannieMae, and Freddiemac have instructed their mortgage services to delay receiving payment during the COVID-19 crisis for homeowners affected by the crisis. This means that if you’re a homeowner, who cannot pay your mortgage, you can simply call your mortgage servicer, and request a forbearance. A forbearance is a delayed payment or drastically reduced payment because of a reputable hardship. Its purpose is to give the homeowner more time to figure out their financial situation without having to worry about foreclosure or eviction.

Buildings with loans backed by FHA, FannieMae, and FreddieMac are also encouraging landlords not to evict renters who cannot pay at this time. They will give the landlord a forbearance if he is unable to collect the rent to pay the mortgage on the building insured by one of the three housing insurers. Talk with your landlord to see if this is an option for you. Let them know you are having trouble and see what agreements you all can come to. Also, see if your state has any rental assistance programs.

The norm for a forbearance due to COVID is 6 months. After 6 months the homeowner can be re-evaluated for an additional 6-month forbearance lasting up to 12 months. After the agreed-upon term; you will have to begin making payments again so use the forbearance time to look for employment to be gainfully employed by the end of the forbearance so you can work with your lender to become current again.

Note: Any delay of acceptance of payment is only temporary and meant to give you time to begin paying again rather it’s for rent or mortgage. Use this time wisely to earn and stack up income.

Consider a High-yield Savings Account
COVID-19 is a reminder that as the adage goes, stuff happens. One of the most important reasons to establish a saving plan is because we often have no idea when emergencies will happen. Cars break down, tires wear out, Water-heaters burst or furnaces stop working. Instances of emergency show us how faithful we’ve been with our money during times of harvest.

Have we put away for emergencies like we know we should do, or have we spent it just because we had it? I am a strong proponent of living underneath my means to save for the future and to accomplish things important to me. It could be something as simple as traveling twice a year. If that is a goal of mine, then saving intentionally will be a way to do it.

I encourage you to open up a high-yield online saving’s account to not only save but to earn interest on your savings. Since I switched to an online saving’s, I’ve been paid at least a few dollars per month for having savings in my account. Those few dollars add up. Pretty soon, it will be enough to pay for dinner on my vacation. I encourage you if you can put your stimulus funds into a savings account, and to commit to saving as close to 10% of your income as possible in a high-yield saving account. I recommend opening a saving that does not require a minimum balance and has no monthly payment. You can start by depositing your stimulus check into savings if your needs are already taken care of. Here is a list of high-yield saving’s accounts online: https://www.bankrate.com/banking/savings/rates/

Consider an Emergency Budget:
An emergency budget covers your bare essentials only such as food, shelter, and utilities. For a temporary season, you may have to cut the cable, gym, clothing, entertainment, and other subscriptions to re-purpose those funds toward the bare essentials.

If you had a high-paying job and now you’re underemployed or receiving less on unemployment, if you cut the additional expenses, at least you will have a roof over your head. Even if you’re on a forbearance plan with your mortgage because unemployment isn’t enough to cover your full mortgage payment, set aside a portion that you would have paid toward the mortgage in a separate savings account. For example, if your mortgage is normally $1,000 monthly, but with unemployment, you only have $500 a month left over after buying your bare essentials, deposit that $500/month into savings account as if your mortgage payment is $500.

This will help to keep you in a mindset of paying your mortgage/rent and it will give you leverage to negotiate with when your forbearance is over. You may be able to do a repayment plan, get a partial claim, which is like a loan to cover your arrears from your mortgage that you’d pay off after you pay your primary loan. Thus, the $500 you’ve saved monthly can be utilized for emergencies in the future and may not need to go toward the mortgage at all. For more in-depth knowledge regarding mortgages contact your local HUD-approved housing counseling agency at the link: Click here

For information about rental contact your local legal aid office.

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How Seeing Domestic Violence as a Child Affected Me as an Adult:

I grew up in what I thought was a pretty loving home until I saw my father, who’s a preacher, hit my mother at the age of seven years old for the first time. It was a consistent image that would be ever-present in front of me until I was 17 years old. At that age, my mom got the courage to get a divorce. Having endured the turmoil accompanied by my parents’ tumultuous relationship, as a child, I often held an unfortunate ringside seat to the dysfunction that swarms the homes of children living amid parents whose relationships are thwarted with domestic violence.

However, between the ages of 7-17 years old, my mom left my father a total of eight times
before walking away completely. She would flee for safety. During those times, additional caregivers stepped in and they would count me out. They didn’t know how to connect with a child who had been the witness of domestic violence, and who had been removed from her home, her safety net, and other siblings. As a result, I was withdrawn.

My mom was treated with empathy; while I felt ignored. It was these experiences that laid seed in my soul to act out as a cry for help. This dysfunction not only crept into my teenage years but as an adult. I developed coping mechanisms that would cause me to self-medicate in a variety of ways including drinking, smoking, addiction to sex, walking away from the church, and various toxic relationships. All of these behaviors resulted in additional trauma.

Despite the struggles, I found myself in my early 20s as a developing success story on the outside, while in my personal and professional life, I was met with roadblock after roadblock. The roadblocks revealed to me that while I had titles, accolades, and credentials there was a great part of me that needed much work. Further, the scars that I had as a child begin to show up in the most unexpected places. As I begin to forge full throttle into dealing with the roadblocks, it became evident that I needed to make some decisions and with those decisions change.

I was able to quickly identify myself in the statistics regarding kids that grow up in domestic violence homes. According to Dr. Sandra A. Graham-Bermann, professor of Psychology and Psychiatry of University of Michigan:
 “The impact of Childhood Domestic Violence can be lifelong in terms of physical and mental health problems, such as anxiety, depression, and traumatic stress, difficulty in relationships with others, academic and employment failures, and trouble parenting.”If I hadn’t taken a stand to face myself and my demons, then the above as it pertains to traumatic stress, difficulty in relationships with others to name a few would’ve been my end story. God still loved me and had a place for me. God knew His purpose and calling was greater for me. What looked like a place of death, turned into an opportunity to face that broken little girl resulting in ending the negative cycle.

I am now using the pains of my past to bring advocacy and awareness, facilitate healing and wholeness, and to hopefully prevent others from going through what I’d been through. I refused to let this generational curse continue. It was my goal to make it stop with me. After acknowledging the trauma and its effects, I took the needed steps to realign my life to maintain wholeness through extensive counseling and understanding the correct theology of the Word.

After what seemed like much tousling, many lessons, and bruised beyond human error, I decided to get better by doing the work to heal. In that healing, I realized that everything that has transpired in my life; good and bad, have been intentional for the Kingdom of Heaven. My talents, passions, career moves, and innate abilities were being orchestrated for my life purpose. I am now a woman of great faith, happily married wife, and bonus mom to two adult daughters.

My book shares the effects of growing up in a home with domestic violence, along with overcoming the barriers of not repeating the cycle. It gives hope to children and adults that have experienced trauma in these environments that you can rewrite your story. You’ll see my passion in advocacy towards providing resources to help and heal children and adults exposed to domestic violence. Purchase book at: tiffanymensah.com or  “Forgotten: Living in the Shadows of Domestic Violence”

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Don’t Settle for Negative Thinking:

At age 13, a young girl was finishing up the 8th grade. Earlier in the year, she learned of a camp that seemed like a lot of fun. The camp was for at-risk, low-income students whose parents had never attended college. The camp meant that she would have to spend her summer on a college campus about 30 miles away with other students with similar backgrounds. She said to herself, “Yep, I fit that mold. We’re poor, no one had gone near a college in my family and how many risks do you want me to name for this application?” The girl went into the principal’s office after getting recommendations from some teachers and told him her desire. After all, she needed his signature & recommendation to attend the camp. He was very familiar with the camp and listened to her explain why she ‘fit the mold.’ He allowed her to plead her case and then he rejected her. That’s right. Her principal told her that he would not recommend her for the camp.

Of course, her heart was broken. She was confident that she would get his blessing. She received a blessing, however, it looked nothing as she had hoped.

She wanted to make the excuse that “The man was just trying to keep a sista down”, but her principal was Black. Thus, she thought to say that he was just mean and unfair but knew that to be untrue. She searched for reason after reason as to why he would deny her the desire and then he gave her his. He said, “Eureka, you’re setting the standard too low.”

Err? Say what? What do you mean, Mr. principal man? What standard & what does too low mean if I fit the requirements? That was my reaction. Although I was a minority (black & female), a product of a low-income family, considered myself at-risk due to my chaotic environment, and no one in my immediate family had ever gone to college (or finished high school) I was a straight-A student. I’d been in the gifted and talented program since first grade and was a current co-captain of my basketball and track teams. My principal sat in front of me behind his desk and recited all of these things to me. I was still focusing on the fact that he said no. Then, he took things in another direction. He began to explain to me that he had a different summer program that he wanted me to attend. He told me that there was only one student from my school district who could attend and he wanted me to be that student.

I thought to myself, “There’s no way that this could be fun. I won’t know anyone, they won’t look like me, people will be weird, & blah-blah-blah!” Regardless of all of the negatives, I thought of, I accepted. I chose to spend two months of my summer at a university that was about four hours away from home. It would be the farthest and longest that I had ever been away from home at that time. It would also be the first time I had ever been on a college campus. The camp was attended by my state’s best and brightest students. We lived in the dorms on a college schedule, had job duties, and went to class on the schedule.

I, now, had a new standard. I now fit a different mold. Just as David sent someone to “carry” or move Mephibosheth (2 Samuel 4:4; 9) out of Lode bar, God sent my principal to guide me out of my generational “Lodebar Experience.” My thinking had become “lame” and crippled my ability to see farther. I became the first person in my immediate family to graduate high school and go on to become the first person in many generations to attend and graduate college. I was the curse breaker. What if I had refused? I know you’re probably asking: What’s the point of this story? I’ll tell you. 

Many of us allow only the familiar world around us―our environment, past, socioeconomic status, and/or familial history to set the standard for us. Some of us are ignorant of the fact that this world is such a huge place and our current reality does not have to be our forever reality! We set our bars and standards as low as the minimum requires and never raise them past our comfort zone. If it’s familiar, it seems right. It’s that train of thought that limits our success, life, future, and God. 

God does not want us to set limits based on familiarity or what we may see around us. His plans are way bigger than that. 

Jeremiah 29:11 says: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
God used my junior high principal to show me that my bar had been set too low and that my standards were not high enough. I was setting my standard on my minimum (the negatives) instead of my maximum (the positives). I was setting my bar as low as I could see (past exposure + current environment), instead of as high as I could imagine (hopes, dreams, vision). And God sets our reach, standard, and bar even higher! He strategically places people in our lives to expose us to our higher calling. He empowers us to prosper. He puts people in our paths to point us in the direction that He wants us to go. 
Here is the challenge: It’s up to us to accept or deny. It’s up to us if we’re going to follow His lead.

 Have you set your bar or standards too low? Have you allowed what you see, what you’re used to, what your family accomplished, or what some hater told you were not to be your standard? The Word of God gives us a standard. Which one will you choose? 

In my book, A Fancy Tale of Yesterdays, I share a woman’s journey through negative thinking, negative experiences, and generational strongholds. These things are critical in how we see ourselves, other people, God and His purpose for our lives. To purchase, visit bit.ly/EurekaLIce or email EurekaMomentNow@gmail.com for a signed copy.

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Are You Ready to Date Quiz & Discussion Series Finale:

This is the final blog in our series, “Are You Read to Date Quiz & Discussion.” Please, review the previous blogs in this series to take advantage of the information. This series was done to introduce my latest book, Patterns of the Heart Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse. The book helps people who desire godly relationships to ask the right questions during the dating and pre-dating stage. Asking and observing patterns related to these questions will help determine who is suitable and who is not. The quiz was designed to help a person to see if they are ready to date now or if they should wait some time while allowing the Lord to work in them to bring about the maturity, resolve, and the whole approach to life needed to build a solid relationship. Below are the last three questions in the quiz broken down.

Question #7
Do you have an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ?

  1. Yes, 81%
  2. No, 19%

I was a bit grieved to see that 19% of those who took the quiz do not have a relationship with God. My sincere prayers go out to all who do not know the Lord. Especially, during a season like we are in now with the Coveid-19 crisis. I’m so glad and thankful that my faith, trust, and hope for my future is founded upon the Lord. He is our solid foundation. Whatever is built on him will be stable, grow, and flourish.

As mentioned, in my first book, “The Single Christian Woman’s Guide,” everything begins and ends with the Lord. Our identity, which is how we view ourselves comes from God–if we are to view ourselves from a healthy manner. Many rush to the idea of simply getting into a relationship hoping it will help them to feel accepted, valuable, or to give them purpose. This may work temporarily, but if we place our worth on people who are fickle and who often change their minds, what stability will we have about our worth when those things are taken away. Our stability, clarity, and purpose for our future cannot be based on a circumstance. It has to be founded on the Lord.

It’s almost like chasing a high. A high only lasts for so long, and then a person will have to get high again. However, those who allow the Lord to fill every void will be full. They will be satisfied. They will not make choices for a relationship out of desperation, but out of the wisdom that comes from God. I invite anyone who doesn’t know the Lord to try him today. God is more than a religion. He is the Sovereign God of the whole world and he desires to have a relationship with each of us. Try him for yourself and see. Pray to Him in sincerity and humility. If you believe in your heart that Jesus is the Son of God and died on the cross for your sins; and confess it with your mouth, you will be saved according to scripture.

That’s only step number one. Step number two is to live the rest of your life in pursuit of him praying, reading the Bible and growing in knowledge about who he is. Connect with a church that teaches the Word of God and operates in love. I promise when you seek God for yourself.
Out of the healthy view of ourselves comes our purpose and passion. Without those two things, we will not be able to properly operate in healthy relationships. Without them, we invite instability. Marriage is also to point back to Christ. Without Christ we have nothing. Without Christ, we cease to properly exist. It’s God, who breathed into us his breath in the beginning that enables us to live. We must learn to walk with him and submit to him daily.

Question #8
Are you secure in your identity in Christ?

  1. Yes, 80%
  2. No, 20%

Becoming secure in our identity in Christ is the foundation of a healthy individual. Healthy individuals make healthy marriage partners. I recently spoke with a married woman who complained about her husband but could not see any contribution from herself to the problems they were having in their marriage. She consistently deflected about what he was not doing and his behavior. It’s easy to allow a partner to distract us from taking responsibility for our personal growth and development. Sometimes, it’s easier to get caught up in a relationship than to take responsibility because that means looking at ourselves saying, you know, I am a bit of a mess, but God still loves me. Or wow, I understand why Jesus had to die for me, I’m a bit much. Lord, have mercy on me. We begin to accept God’s grace and mercy for ourselves, thus we show that same mercy to ourselves and others. People who are harsh, mean, and judgmental have forgotten this. They are probably on some self-righteous trip looking at everyone else but themselves.

Self-rejected people easily reject others. A person who has not accepted who she is in Christ will be hard to live with and should study Ephesians, Psalms 139, and Philippians praying and asking God to cause them to accept their identity in Christ. I learned this by going through various trials and tribulations. Those trials can bring us to such a low place that we are ready to hear and receive all God has for us. When we are prideful and not willing to look at ourselves; it can be hard for God and others to get through to us. The Wholeness Action Plan book can help with this process because it will not be easy, but it is possible.

Question #9
Do you believe you are worth it?

  1. Yes, 79%
  2. Still working on it, 21%

If you are not settled on your value and worth; you should not be dating. Study the above and allow yourself the freedom of wholeness before pursuing a relationship. Feel free to read my book, “Patterns of the Heart: Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse” to ask yourself the questions at the beginning of the book that addresses wholeness and allow the Holy Spirit to process you until you begin to see and value yourself as he sees you.

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How are You Doing Regarding the Corona-Virus?

This past week has been like a movie out of the blue a world-wide emergency hit our home soil. Initially, when I’d heard of Corona, I thought it would be like the Swine flu. We’d hear about it for a little while and then it would fade away. However, this pandemic appears to be hitting much differently than the Swine flu. Businesses and the personal livelihood of people and industries have been affected yet in this, I remain thankful because God is faithful and still good.

I can think of a few promises from God that make my soul rejoice even in the middle of uncertainty:
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. – James 1:2-4

I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread. – Psalms 37:5
For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. – 2 Corinthians 5:1

It’s awesome to know that chaos can be going on all around us, but we have a sureness that we’ll be okay no matter how things pan out. Isn’t that awesome to know? This is why I cannot allow myself to be worried about something like this because my faith is anchored on God’s word.

This doesn’t prevent me from showing concern for others or practicing wisdom in following the instruction given by authority though. We should still do what is in our power to do to help our fellow neighbors. For example, the homeless shelters in our area were requesting additional funds to help keep the vulnerable homeless population safe. That is an opportunity to be a blessing and show the love of Christ to others during this time where we all are facing Corona together.

Let’s count our blessings continuing in the spirit of thankfulness toward the living God as we face Corona. I’ll start by sharing some blessings below as a result of Corona and anyone else willing can feel free to share in the comments below. Keeping a mindset of thankfulness helps us to maintain balance and stability during difficult circumstances.

Blessings:

  1. I have slowed down some staying at home more. This has helped me to see the importance of having my margin time for additional rest, reading, and more quiet time with the Lord.
  2. I did not have to facilitate a workshop last weekend, but I got that additional weekend to myself.
  3. I’m able to work from home remotely with no interruption in my employment.
  4. Working from home is causing me to save money in gas and staying in has allowed me to save money in my budget that otherwise would have been allotted toward eating out or hanging out.
  5. I got some cheap flights for the remainder of the year.
  6. Americans may be receiving a stimulus check.
  7. I get to attend four virtual conferences for the price of one due to Corona.

You see, even when things don’t look good and aren’t comfortable to us; God still works in those things to reveal his goodness. Truthfully, anything that draws us closer to God is good. Anything that reveals the character of God is good. I love to see his character and glory on display. Think about the plagues in Egypt and how they revealed God’s glory again and again. Despite the stubbornness of heart that the Pharaoh displayed; he and his people had to bow—submitting to God that he indeed was God. Pharaoh had no choice but to succumb to God’s will.

Our hearts at times can become hardened due to the cares as well as the business of this life, and we can easily forget God becoming stubborn in our way, but God’s goodness allows circumstance that stops us in our tracks getting our attention.

While God may not have caused this virus; he’s certainly using it for our good. I cannot wait to see and hear of the good stories that came out of the Corona-virus pandemic. Be encouraged while counting your blessings and being a blessing to others. Something good will come out of this and God will always be glorified.

This would be a good time to get to know the Lord if you do not already know him. The gift of salvation is free to everyone who believes in Jesus. Read Romans 10:9 and confess it with your mouth while believing in your heart. Pray genuinely to God for salvation and begin to get to know him.

How are you doing with the Corona-virus? What are some blessings you can share as a result of Corona? Are there any challenges that you would like to pray regarding due to Corona?

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Are You Ready to Date Quiz Pt. 5: Not Everyone Will Get Married

godly man

This is part four of a Six-part series about our current view of singleness at this stage in life. This is inspired by my latest book, Patterns of the Heart: Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse. Consider taking the quiz at the link in the bottom and continue to follow this series to find out more insight on what the quiz means.

Question # 6

Did God show you if he has a spouse for you? If yes, how so?

  1. Yes, in my spirit, 40 %
  2. Yes, through a prophet, 0%
  3. Yes through a and b, 20%
  4. No, 40%

Not everyone will get married. I think some people who don’t pay attention to my writings but follow me briefly on social media assume that I teach that everyone will get married. That’s not true nor is it Biblical. The Bible is clear and common sense is clear that not everyone will get married, but to those God has personally made a promise concerning marriage; God’s word will not come back void. I am one of those women.

Because I am one of those women, I’ve been fought hard in holding fast to God’s ways to embrace that promise; thus, I have been transparent with my journey to encourage other women letting them know that we can believe God and we do not have to take down from the things God’s given us to get the man he’s promised us. Some of those things are being not being unequally yoked, and not having sex outside of marriage. Stand firm in your identity in Christ and continue to believe God for what he has promised you. If marriage isn’t something God has dealt with you about and you still desire it; ask the Lord to show you if he has that for you.

I’ve met a woman before who simply doesn’t desire marriage. She is cool on all of that, and that is fine. I don’t force an idea of marriage on people at all, but I do encourage those God has promised it to not to settle or compromise for anything less than God’s promise.

For there are different reasons why men cannot marry: some, because they were born that way; others, because men made them that way; and others do not marry for the sake of the Kingdom of heaven. Let him who can accept this teaching do so.”

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Are You Ready to Date Quiz Pt. 4: Your Current Perspective During Waiting

This is part four of a Six-part series about our current view of singleness at this stage in life. This is inspired by my latest book, Patterns of the Heart: Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse. Consider taking the quiz at the link in the bottom and continue to follow this series to find out more insight on what the quiz means.

Question #5
How do you most see yourself at this stage in life as a single person?

  1. Resting in God with hope for the future, 67%
  2. Wishing for a situation to change to begin enjoying life, 17%
  3. Having to work to attain God’s promise in fear that you may not attain it, 8%
  4. Hoping to feel approved as a woman by becoming a wife, 8%

It’s a good thing to look at our progress. It actually shows us that we are going somewhere. When our perspectives shift to that which lines up with what God says about us; we know we’ve moved from one place to the next. It gives us hope and something to look forward to. If we’ve chosen a. we should be living every day in expectation of the goodness of God. We are in a position where we’ve learned to trust God beyond how things feel and appear. This will be very needful for our futures and still applicable to those of us who will be married later. We will not just be able to leave the marriage immediately if we think it doesn’t feel or look right. We will have to endure through more processes knowing that we are still going somewhere. This is all a part of our maturity as people. Those who chose b, c, and d are still in process, but at least you know there is an end to those harmful perspectives and the end is rest in God.

Reference my first book, “The Single Christian Woman’s Guide,” if you’re waiting for your situation of singleness to change. I discussed in that book what to do as a single person in waiting for a godly spouse and how we are to live our lives valuing the gift of singleness. Part of valuing our singleness will be taking advantage of our growing deeper in our intimate relationship with the Lord, and using our time to walk out our purpose, learn who we are and develop in our personal growth as well as our passions that were given to us by God for a greater purpose.

Reference my second book, “The Wholeness Action Plan,” if you’ve chosen letter c. This book helps us to maintain a healthy image of ourselves, and how God sees us even through hard circumstances. Sometimes, when a hard circumstance comes or disappointment is experienced, we assume we weren’t good enough and we begin to make unhealthy choices for ourselves. We may even take on perfectionism to work harder next time for what we are supposed to be trusting God for. Things that are outside of our control, we have to trust God for. That could include meeting a suitable spouse, healing, or other things that would otherwise be impossible. I share how we do not work for the things God’s promised us, but we rest into the things God’s promised us. God made clear in his Word that those who would not enter God’s rest, would not enter into his promises. The Wholeness Action Plan is a book that causes God’s people to rest. As singles, we have to get to a place where we are settled on the who and what God says we are.

Finally, If you’ve chosen the letter d, I want to encourage you to know that you have nothing to prove. When you know you are fully accepted and fully loved; you have nothing to prove. There is no amount of work, accomplishment or anything that can be done to make you worthy of love and acceptance. That is something that every human being is born with. The sooner we all have an understanding of our value in that way; the more empowered we’ll feel in making a healthy choice to choose wisely. A mindset that feels there is something to prove based on being in a relationship or not; may belong to a person willing to compromise to show an appearance of grasping real love. We should not want to live by the acceptance of others based on appearances. We should be so whole within that we simply will only settle for real love no matter how it looks.

The reality in this day and time is it will often look like being single for a longer period of time until someone genuinely suitable comes along, and that is okay. I’d like to encourage you to remain in God’s process as a single person and allow him to teach you how to accept yourself fully. Utilize the resources presented on this website and continue to grow.

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Are You Ready to Date Quiz & Discussion Part 3: Have You Fully Embraced Yourself?

Continuing from last week, this is part 3 out of 5 for our are you ready to date quiz and discussion. This discussion is in relation to the new book, “Patterns of the Heart: Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse.” Take a look at question # 4 below and it’s explanation. Leave your comments or take the quiz yourself at the end of this article.

Question # 4
Have you embraced yourself for who you are allowing yourself to feel like an asset to yourself and others?

  1. Yes, 67%
  2. Still Struggling with This, 22 %
  3. No, 11%

Let’s be real. We all struggle with various perspectives concerning ourselves and sometimes it takes us a while to accept them. Something I’ve learned more and more as I’ve gotten older is to continue to accept myself over and over again. That means whenever a question arises about who I am whether it’s something I need to take personal responsibility on saying I was wrong or if it’s good but may annoy other people. I have a commitment to myself to accept myself based on God’s acceptance of me, and his intentional development of how he wants me to be for his purpose.

For example, I have somewhat of a deep view of things. I don’t look at a lot of things for face value. I enjoy going beneath the surface seeing things others may not see. I look for the good in every situation. I’m solution-oriented. I don’t like to hear negativity or complaining from others for the sake of being negative or complaining. I’m the type that looks to reshape the conversation. I ask questions like how can we get to the bottom of this to address the real issue. I’ve found that everyone doesn’t like that. Some people just want to complain and dump on others. Don’t get me wrong sometimes we have to vent, but sometimes venting just for venting’s sake can lead to feeling negative and gloomy.

If I’m going to deal with certain things I want to work through it to get to the positive aspects. Everyone isn’t always ready for that and I’ve gotten push back and snapped on. In those moments, I’ve had to still say to myself, it’s okay. You are the way you are for a purpose. You do not have to change who you are to fit in with everyone. Continue to be you.

And God saw everything that he had made and, behold, it was very good. – Genesis 1:31

The Greek word for good is tob. It means: Good, pleasant, agreeable, excellent, rich, valuable in estimation, appropriate, and becoming. (Strong-Lite Dictionary)

Without the basic estimation of who we are and our value; we place ourselves at risk for instability in dating relationships. We can become easily moved by the opposition of those who just weren’t meant for us. Everyone isn’t meant for us. This is why God told Adam that he needed a suitable partner. Someone, who would complement how God made him. Also, someone who would not set him off course from his God-given purpose. Our suitable partner will not be perfect. We see that Eve was not perfect, but immediately began making mistakes in her partnership with Adam, but she was suitable enough to remain committed to him and who God called Adam to be. This is why we need to be resolved in accepting ourselves before entering a relationship.

The above is simply an example of owning who I am. I realized the things God’s invested in me are good and purposeful. Thus, I carry myself like I am good and purposeful. Where I fall short, I address it. Similar to Adam and Even in the garden. God made men and women and called them good, not bad.

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Are You Ready to Date Part II: Fear & Control or Faith

Continuing from last week, we are reviewing a quiz inspired by my new book, Patterns of the Heart. The quiz helps those who participate in it to see if they are truly ready to date or if they need to still do some individual work as a single person. Last week, we looked at questions 1-2. This week we will look at question number three below. Remember, the book, Patterns of the Heart was written for those who are ready to date. It is packed with questions we can ask during the dating and talking stage to see if we should move forward with a suitor or not.

Question # 3
Do you operate out of fear and control or faith when communicating with the opposite sex?

  1. I operate out of faith, 40%
  2. I operate out of fear and control, 20%
  3. Other, 40%

The above is very important to know when we are communicating with the opposite sex to form a romantic relationship. If we’re operating out of fear and control; we may not be resolved yet in the belief that we are good enough for a romantic relationship. We may still have a broken perspective in that area where we are subconsciously trying to prove to ourselves that we are good enough. We may be motivated by fear of not having what we genuinely desire. Thus, control can come into play causing us to attempt to force a relationship to work that just isn’t it.

This can be seen when only one party is showing interest in the relationship, but the interested party doesn’t take the clue that the other person isn’t interested and continues to press, pursue, or give clues of interest. The other party may take advantage of the weakness of the one acting out of control or fear to get what he/she can. This is an unhealthy imbalance that should be resolved before attempting to get into a relationship.

The person operating out of fear will need to continue to be processed by God allowing the Holy Spirit to teach him/her through trials, tribulations, and circumstances in life that God has him/her no matter what. Thus, there is no need to fear. Once trust is fully grown in this area and a person has fully embraced him/herself; they will be ready to react in a healthy manner when communicating and attempting to build relationships with the opposite sex. The person who deals healthily with attempting to build a relationship with the opposite sex; will not seek to control or force a relationship because he/she is busy trusting in the Lord to lead and guide them to the right relationship.

He will have enough self-respect to know when a relationship isn’t it and when someone isn’t serious about him. He’ll walk away waiting for better knowing that he is worth it.

The blessing of the Lord makes rich, and he adds no sorrow with it. – Proverbs 10:22

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