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Are You Ready to Date Quiz & Discussion Series Finale:

This is the final blog in our series, “Are You Read to Date Quiz & Discussion.” Please, review the previous blogs in this series to take advantage of the information. This series was done to introduce my latest book, Patterns of the Heart Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse. The book helps people who desire godly relationships to ask the right questions during the dating and pre-dating stage. Asking and observing patterns related to these questions will help determine who is suitable and who is not. The quiz was designed to help a person to see if they are ready to date now or if they should wait some time while allowing the Lord to work in them to bring about the maturity, resolve, and the whole approach to life needed to build a solid relationship. Below are the last three questions in the quiz broken down.

Question #7
Do you have an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ?

  1. Yes, 81%
  2. No, 19%

I was a bit grieved to see that 19% of those who took the quiz do not have a relationship with God. My sincere prayers go out to all who do not know the Lord. Especially, during a season like we are in now with the Coveid-19 crisis. I’m so glad and thankful that my faith, trust, and hope for my future is founded upon the Lord. He is our solid foundation. Whatever is built on him will be stable, grow, and flourish.

As mentioned, in my first book, “The Single Christian Woman’s Guide,” everything begins and ends with the Lord. Our identity, which is how we view ourselves comes from God–if we are to view ourselves from a healthy manner. Many rush to the idea of simply getting into a relationship hoping it will help them to feel accepted, valuable, or to give them purpose. This may work temporarily, but if we place our worth on people who are fickle and who often change their minds, what stability will we have about our worth when those things are taken away. Our stability, clarity, and purpose for our future cannot be based on a circumstance. It has to be founded on the Lord.

It’s almost like chasing a high. A high only lasts for so long, and then a person will have to get high again. However, those who allow the Lord to fill every void will be full. They will be satisfied. They will not make choices for a relationship out of desperation, but out of the wisdom that comes from God. I invite anyone who doesn’t know the Lord to try him today. God is more than a religion. He is the Sovereign God of the whole world and he desires to have a relationship with each of us. Try him for yourself and see. Pray to Him in sincerity and humility. If you believe in your heart that Jesus is the Son of God and died on the cross for your sins; and confess it with your mouth, you will be saved according to scripture.

That’s only step number one. Step number two is to live the rest of your life in pursuit of him praying, reading the Bible and growing in knowledge about who he is. Connect with a church that teaches the Word of God and operates in love. I promise when you seek God for yourself.
Out of the healthy view of ourselves comes our purpose and passion. Without those two things, we will not be able to properly operate in healthy relationships. Without them, we invite instability. Marriage is also to point back to Christ. Without Christ we have nothing. Without Christ, we cease to properly exist. It’s God, who breathed into us his breath in the beginning that enables us to live. We must learn to walk with him and submit to him daily.

Question #8
Are you secure in your identity in Christ?

  1. Yes, 80%
  2. No, 20%

Becoming secure in our identity in Christ is the foundation of a healthy individual. Healthy individuals make healthy marriage partners. I recently spoke with a married woman who complained about her husband but could not see any contribution from herself to the problems they were having in their marriage. She consistently deflected about what he was not doing and his behavior. It’s easy to allow a partner to distract us from taking responsibility for our personal growth and development. Sometimes, it’s easier to get caught up in a relationship than to take responsibility because that means looking at ourselves saying, you know, I am a bit of a mess, but God still loves me. Or wow, I understand why Jesus had to die for me, I’m a bit much. Lord, have mercy on me. We begin to accept God’s grace and mercy for ourselves, thus we show that same mercy to ourselves and others. People who are harsh, mean, and judgmental have forgotten this. They are probably on some self-righteous trip looking at everyone else but themselves.

Self-rejected people easily reject others. A person who has not accepted who she is in Christ will be hard to live with and should study Ephesians, Psalms 139, and Philippians praying and asking God to cause them to accept their identity in Christ. I learned this by going through various trials and tribulations. Those trials can bring us to such a low place that we are ready to hear and receive all God has for us. When we are prideful and not willing to look at ourselves; it can be hard for God and others to get through to us. The Wholeness Action Plan book can help with this process because it will not be easy, but it is possible.

Question #9
Do you believe you are worth it?

  1. Yes, 79%
  2. Still working on it, 21%

If you are not settled on your value and worth; you should not be dating. Study the above and allow yourself the freedom of wholeness before pursuing a relationship. Feel free to read my book, “Patterns of the Heart: Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse” to ask yourself the questions at the beginning of the book that addresses wholeness and allow the Holy Spirit to process you until you begin to see and value yourself as he sees you.

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How are You Doing Regarding the Corona-Virus?

This past week has been like a movie out of the blue a world-wide emergency hit our home soil. Initially, when I’d heard of Corona, I thought it would be like the Swine flu. We’d hear about it for a little while and then it would fade away. However, this pandemic appears to be hitting much differently than the Swine flu. Businesses and the personal livelihood of people and industries have been affected yet in this, I remain thankful because God is faithful and still good.

I can think of a few promises from God that make my soul rejoice even in the middle of uncertainty:
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. – James 1:2-4

I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread. – Psalms 37:5
For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. – 2 Corinthians 5:1

It’s awesome to know that chaos can be going on all around us, but we have a sureness that we’ll be okay no matter how things pan out. Isn’t that awesome to know? This is why I cannot allow myself to be worried about something like this because my faith is anchored on God’s word.

This doesn’t prevent me from showing concern for others or practicing wisdom in following the instruction given by authority though. We should still do what is in our power to do to help our fellow neighbors. For example, the homeless shelters in our area were requesting additional funds to help keep the vulnerable homeless population safe. That is an opportunity to be a blessing and show the love of Christ to others during this time where we all are facing Corona together.

Let’s count our blessings continuing in the spirit of thankfulness toward the living God as we face Corona. I’ll start by sharing some blessings below as a result of Corona and anyone else willing can feel free to share in the comments below. Keeping a mindset of thankfulness helps us to maintain balance and stability during difficult circumstances.

Blessings:

  1. I have slowed down some staying at home more. This has helped me to see the importance of having my margin time for additional rest, reading, and more quiet time with the Lord.
  2. I did not have to facilitate a workshop last weekend, but I got that additional weekend to myself.
  3. I’m able to work from home remotely with no interruption in my employment.
  4. Working from home is causing me to save money in gas and staying in has allowed me to save money in my budget that otherwise would have been allotted toward eating out or hanging out.
  5. I got some cheap flights for the remainder of the year.
  6. Americans may be receiving a stimulus check.
  7. I get to attend four virtual conferences for the price of one due to Corona.

You see, even when things don’t look good and aren’t comfortable to us; God still works in those things to reveal his goodness. Truthfully, anything that draws us closer to God is good. Anything that reveals the character of God is good. I love to see his character and glory on display. Think about the plagues in Egypt and how they revealed God’s glory again and again. Despite the stubbornness of heart that the Pharaoh displayed; he and his people had to bow—submitting to God that he indeed was God. Pharaoh had no choice but to succumb to God’s will.

Our hearts at times can become hardened due to the cares as well as the business of this life, and we can easily forget God becoming stubborn in our way, but God’s goodness allows circumstance that stops us in our tracks getting our attention.

While God may not have caused this virus; he’s certainly using it for our good. I cannot wait to see and hear of the good stories that came out of the Corona-virus pandemic. Be encouraged while counting your blessings and being a blessing to others. Something good will come out of this and God will always be glorified.

This would be a good time to get to know the Lord if you do not already know him. The gift of salvation is free to everyone who believes in Jesus. Read Romans 10:9 and confess it with your mouth while believing in your heart. Pray genuinely to God for salvation and begin to get to know him.

How are you doing with the Corona-virus? What are some blessings you can share as a result of Corona? Are there any challenges that you would like to pray regarding due to Corona?

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Are You Ready to Date Quiz Pt. 5: Not Everyone Will Get Married

godly man

This is part four of a Six-part series about our current view of singleness at this stage in life. This is inspired by my latest book, Patterns of the Heart: Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse. Consider taking the quiz at the link in the bottom and continue to follow this series to find out more insight on what the quiz means.

Question # 6

Did God show you if he has a spouse for you? If yes, how so?

  1. Yes, in my spirit, 40 %
  2. Yes, through a prophet, 0%
  3. Yes through a and b, 20%
  4. No, 40%

Not everyone will get married. I think some people who don’t pay attention to my writings but follow me briefly on social media assume that I teach that everyone will get married. That’s not true nor is it Biblical. The Bible is clear and common sense is clear that not everyone will get married, but to those God has personally made a promise concerning marriage; God’s word will not come back void. I am one of those women.

Because I am one of those women, I’ve been fought hard in holding fast to God’s ways to embrace that promise; thus, I have been transparent with my journey to encourage other women letting them know that we can believe God and we do not have to take down from the things God’s given us to get the man he’s promised us. Some of those things are being not being unequally yoked, and not having sex outside of marriage. Stand firm in your identity in Christ and continue to believe God for what he has promised you. If marriage isn’t something God has dealt with you about and you still desire it; ask the Lord to show you if he has that for you.

I’ve met a woman before who simply doesn’t desire marriage. She is cool on all of that, and that is fine. I don’t force an idea of marriage on people at all, but I do encourage those God has promised it to not to settle or compromise for anything less than God’s promise.

For there are different reasons why men cannot marry: some, because they were born that way; others, because men made them that way; and others do not marry for the sake of the Kingdom of heaven. Let him who can accept this teaching do so.”

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Are You Ready to Date Quiz Pt. 4: Your Current Perspective During Waiting

This is part four of a Six-part series about our current view of singleness at this stage in life. This is inspired by my latest book, Patterns of the Heart: Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse. Consider taking the quiz at the link in the bottom and continue to follow this series to find out more insight on what the quiz means.

Question #5
How do you most see yourself at this stage in life as a single person?

  1. Resting in God with hope for the future, 67%
  2. Wishing for a situation to change to begin enjoying life, 17%
  3. Having to work to attain God’s promise in fear that you may not attain it, 8%
  4. Hoping to feel approved as a woman by becoming a wife, 8%

It’s a good thing to look at our progress. It actually shows us that we are going somewhere. When our perspectives shift to that which lines up with what God says about us; we know we’ve moved from one place to the next. It gives us hope and something to look forward to. If we’ve chosen a. we should be living every day in expectation of the goodness of God. We are in a position where we’ve learned to trust God beyond how things feel and appear. This will be very needful for our futures and still applicable to those of us who will be married later. We will not just be able to leave the marriage immediately if we think it doesn’t feel or look right. We will have to endure through more processes knowing that we are still going somewhere. This is all a part of our maturity as people. Those who chose b, c, and d are still in process, but at least you know there is an end to those harmful perspectives and the end is rest in God.

Reference my first book, “The Single Christian Woman’s Guide,” if you’re waiting for your situation of singleness to change. I discussed in that book what to do as a single person in waiting for a godly spouse and how we are to live our lives valuing the gift of singleness. Part of valuing our singleness will be taking advantage of our growing deeper in our intimate relationship with the Lord, and using our time to walk out our purpose, learn who we are and develop in our personal growth as well as our passions that were given to us by God for a greater purpose.

Reference my second book, “The Wholeness Action Plan,” if you’ve chosen letter c. This book helps us to maintain a healthy image of ourselves, and how God sees us even through hard circumstances. Sometimes, when a hard circumstance comes or disappointment is experienced, we assume we weren’t good enough and we begin to make unhealthy choices for ourselves. We may even take on perfectionism to work harder next time for what we are supposed to be trusting God for. Things that are outside of our control, we have to trust God for. That could include meeting a suitable spouse, healing, or other things that would otherwise be impossible. I share how we do not work for the things God’s promised us, but we rest into the things God’s promised us. God made clear in his Word that those who would not enter God’s rest, would not enter into his promises. The Wholeness Action Plan is a book that causes God’s people to rest. As singles, we have to get to a place where we are settled on the who and what God says we are.

Finally, If you’ve chosen the letter d, I want to encourage you to know that you have nothing to prove. When you know you are fully accepted and fully loved; you have nothing to prove. There is no amount of work, accomplishment or anything that can be done to make you worthy of love and acceptance. That is something that every human being is born with. The sooner we all have an understanding of our value in that way; the more empowered we’ll feel in making a healthy choice to choose wisely. A mindset that feels there is something to prove based on being in a relationship or not; may belong to a person willing to compromise to show an appearance of grasping real love. We should not want to live by the acceptance of others based on appearances. We should be so whole within that we simply will only settle for real love no matter how it looks.

The reality in this day and time is it will often look like being single for a longer period of time until someone genuinely suitable comes along, and that is okay. I’d like to encourage you to remain in God’s process as a single person and allow him to teach you how to accept yourself fully. Utilize the resources presented on this website and continue to grow.

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Are You Ready to Date Quiz & Discussion Part 3: Have You Fully Embraced Yourself?

Continuing from last week, this is part 3 out of 5 for our are you ready to date quiz and discussion. This discussion is in relation to the new book, “Patterns of the Heart: Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse.” Take a look at question # 4 below and it’s explanation. Leave your comments or take the quiz yourself at the end of this article.

Question # 4
Have you embraced yourself for who you are allowing yourself to feel like an asset to yourself and others?

  1. Yes, 67%
  2. Still Struggling with This, 22 %
  3. No, 11%

Let’s be real. We all struggle with various perspectives concerning ourselves and sometimes it takes us a while to accept them. Something I’ve learned more and more as I’ve gotten older is to continue to accept myself over and over again. That means whenever a question arises about who I am whether it’s something I need to take personal responsibility on saying I was wrong or if it’s good but may annoy other people. I have a commitment to myself to accept myself based on God’s acceptance of me, and his intentional development of how he wants me to be for his purpose.

For example, I have somewhat of a deep view of things. I don’t look at a lot of things for face value. I enjoy going beneath the surface seeing things others may not see. I look for the good in every situation. I’m solution-oriented. I don’t like to hear negativity or complaining from others for the sake of being negative or complaining. I’m the type that looks to reshape the conversation. I ask questions like how can we get to the bottom of this to address the real issue. I’ve found that everyone doesn’t like that. Some people just want to complain and dump on others. Don’t get me wrong sometimes we have to vent, but sometimes venting just for venting’s sake can lead to feeling negative and gloomy.

If I’m going to deal with certain things I want to work through it to get to the positive aspects. Everyone isn’t always ready for that and I’ve gotten push back and snapped on. In those moments, I’ve had to still say to myself, it’s okay. You are the way you are for a purpose. You do not have to change who you are to fit in with everyone. Continue to be you.

And God saw everything that he had made and, behold, it was very good. – Genesis 1:31

The Greek word for good is tob. It means: Good, pleasant, agreeable, excellent, rich, valuable in estimation, appropriate, and becoming. (Strong-Lite Dictionary)

Without the basic estimation of who we are and our value; we place ourselves at risk for instability in dating relationships. We can become easily moved by the opposition of those who just weren’t meant for us. Everyone isn’t meant for us. This is why God told Adam that he needed a suitable partner. Someone, who would complement how God made him. Also, someone who would not set him off course from his God-given purpose. Our suitable partner will not be perfect. We see that Eve was not perfect, but immediately began making mistakes in her partnership with Adam, but she was suitable enough to remain committed to him and who God called Adam to be. This is why we need to be resolved in accepting ourselves before entering a relationship.

The above is simply an example of owning who I am. I realized the things God’s invested in me are good and purposeful. Thus, I carry myself like I am good and purposeful. Where I fall short, I address it. Similar to Adam and Even in the garden. God made men and women and called them good, not bad.

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Are You Ready to Date Part II: Fear & Control or Faith

Continuing from last week, we are reviewing a quiz inspired by my new book, Patterns of the Heart. The quiz helps those who participate in it to see if they are truly ready to date or if they need to still do some individual work as a single person. Last week, we looked at questions 1-2. This week we will look at question number three below. Remember, the book, Patterns of the Heart was written for those who are ready to date. It is packed with questions we can ask during the dating and talking stage to see if we should move forward with a suitor or not.

Question # 3
Do you operate out of fear and control or faith when communicating with the opposite sex?

  1. I operate out of faith, 40%
  2. I operate out of fear and control, 20%
  3. Other, 40%

The above is very important to know when we are communicating with the opposite sex to form a romantic relationship. If we’re operating out of fear and control; we may not be resolved yet in the belief that we are good enough for a romantic relationship. We may still have a broken perspective in that area where we are subconsciously trying to prove to ourselves that we are good enough. We may be motivated by fear of not having what we genuinely desire. Thus, control can come into play causing us to attempt to force a relationship to work that just isn’t it.

This can be seen when only one party is showing interest in the relationship, but the interested party doesn’t take the clue that the other person isn’t interested and continues to press, pursue, or give clues of interest. The other party may take advantage of the weakness of the one acting out of control or fear to get what he/she can. This is an unhealthy imbalance that should be resolved before attempting to get into a relationship.

The person operating out of fear will need to continue to be processed by God allowing the Holy Spirit to teach him/her through trials, tribulations, and circumstances in life that God has him/her no matter what. Thus, there is no need to fear. Once trust is fully grown in this area and a person has fully embraced him/herself; they will be ready to react in a healthy manner when communicating and attempting to build relationships with the opposite sex. The person who deals healthily with attempting to build a relationship with the opposite sex; will not seek to control or force a relationship because he/she is busy trusting in the Lord to lead and guide them to the right relationship.

He will have enough self-respect to know when a relationship isn’t it and when someone isn’t serious about him. He’ll walk away waiting for better knowing that he is worth it.

The blessing of the Lord makes rich, and he adds no sorrow with it. – Proverbs 10:22

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Are You Ready to Date Quiz & Discussion Series Pt. 1

Many of you have been rocking with me for many years. It’s something to believe that this blog will be turning 8 years old later this year. I recently did a poll of my email subscribers to find out how they are currently viewing their singleness and the figures were really good. Below, I’ll share each question and the results at the start of this series. Then, I’ll share why each question shows the importance of holding the proper perspective. The proper perspectives on each question will allow one to know if s/he is ready to date yet or if s/he is currently still in process.

This poll is for those who would like to date with a whole mindset meaning having their perspectives lined up with what God says. Thus, dating would not be motivated by fear, control, rejection, or any of the issues we can sometimes use dating to cover up. This isn’t to say that a person cannot get married and have a successful marriage if they don’t have the correct answer to each of these because God’s grace is sufficient for our weaknesses and he’s committed to our process.

I believe there are those God has called apart to be an example of doing dating and marriage from a whole mindset. Most people don’t do it because it is hard and requires sacrifice and humility. Most people prefer the easy way of doing things. While the easy way works out okay in the beginning; it often gets harder with time. The bottom line is we all will have to go through something, but through following the wisdom of God, some hardships can be avoided.

Let’s go through the singleness perception poll to gain a personal view of whether we are ready to date or not. If yes, is the answer. Purchase my latest book: Patterns of the Heart: Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse. This book will help you to practice discernment during your dating/pre-dating process. The book is currently available at all major online retailers.

Question #1
What are you most likely to do when a guy approaches you in public?

  1. Stop and converse if attracted, 80%
  2. Freeze up with fear, 20%
  3. Ignore him and keep going, 0%

As women, we can limit ourselves to our expectations, which often are to meet a guy in a safe and secure communal environment such as a church. The reality is our potential spouse may be anywhere and with the wrong mindset, we could be blocking ourselves out. The question then becomes if I may meet my potential spouse anywhere; how can I protect myself in discerning if a guy is good for me? These types of questions are answered in the new book, “Patterns of the Heart: Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse.” As a free bonus for purchasing the book and providing a screen-shot of the receipt to me via email; I’ll provide a question we can ask guys that we meet in public to help us weed out guys who would only waste our time. We are too valuable to give just anyone our romantic attention.

Question # 2
Do you feel confident in communication with a person of the opposite sex?

  1. Yes, 80%
  2. No, 20 %

Single believers are blessed with time that married people often do not have. We should use this time to enjoy our lives, relationship with God, and to develop ourselves in every aspect of our lives. So, you’ve learned that you aren’t the best communicator. Join a professional development group that helps you to communicate. Join unisex ministries at church or visit unisex ministries at other churches. Many women may be afraid to communicate with a man they are interested in due to religion. The Black church has taught Proverbs 18:21 so wrongly that many women are afraid to be themselves.

Do you know that being yourself naturally makes you more comfortable with talking with the opposite sex because being yourself makes you more comfortable with expressing yourself with confidence? Thus, if you are a friendly person, be friendly to everyone including men—even if you’re interested in a man. As long as you aren’t overdoing it seeking to control, manipulate, or force something that isn’t there. You should be trusting God in all of your interactions. We’ll discuss this further in the next question. Smile, laugh, cry, be authentically you. Side-note: Sometimes, when we aren’t supposed to form a relationship with a person, it will be more difficult to connect with them. That could be God keeping a door closed that we aren’t supposed to open.

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Regret Acting as Condemnation During Grief:

Sometimes, when we lose someone due to death, we begin to internalize and blame ourselves. The regret that we feel can easily turn into thoughts of condemnation, but condemnation is not of God. It is of the devil.

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. – John 3:17 (NIV)

Condemnation brings with it a feeling of unworthiness, not feeling good enough, and condemnation to a particular lifestyle that seeks to assign us to one status in life. Usually, that status is one of constantly seeking retribution for our regret. Instead, of living a life of grace toward ourselves; we go down a path of self-destruction punishing ourselves.

This is a trap for those who are grieving that Satan often tries to get us caught up in. I’m so thankful that I have a relationship with the Lord, who promises to lead and guide us into all truth. Condemnation is not truth. It’s a lie.

God wants everyone who is wrestling with this lie of condemnation to know they have a future, even if there was wrong done regarding the loved one who passed, God’s grace is already there to forgive. Further, some things we cannot prepare for as there is no manual on how to deal with the trauma of someone dying.

I remember struggling with regret and feeling as though I was being sucked into a hole of depression, lifelessness, or resolve to not go on living the full abundant life God gave to me through Jesus Christ. I had to constantly renew my mind by what God shared with me.

I regretted not being at the hospital every day due to moving, repairing my car to pass the state emissions’ test to avoid my driver’s license being suspended, and other things that placed a demand on my time. I regretted not being as vulnerable with my emotions, but trying to stay strong for my dad while he was in the hospital believing he would make it in case God saw fit for him to do so.
I regretted that my being strong was actually denial to avoid the trauma of what was really going on—the fact that my dad was being taken away from me and there was nothing I could do. I wanted to take responsibility though. I wanted to somehow save him.

I learned that trauma is an emotional response to a distressing situation. Trauma can sometimes paralyze us and trap us in anxiety. Somehow, things worked out where I was strong enough to be strong for others in my family who were breaking down. Perhaps, had I over-extended myself, even more, I may not have been in a place to restore others. This has been a thought that’s helped me to renew my mind from condemnation and regret to hope for my future along with the below truths God recently gave me.

Condemnation works with regret to get us to quit:
Did you know that regret in a lot of ways acts like condemnation? Condemnation is a tool the enemy uses to make us give up. Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t let regret make you decide to stop moving forward.

We have to remember who we are. We are God’s sons and daughters. Because we are God’s sons and daughters, we should always expect a future. That is part of our inheritance as sons and daughters of God. This should be a part of our foundation. A foundation holds the house up. For us to be held up; we have to go back, at various times in our lives, to our foundation―the understanding of who we are. Read Romans 8:1-17

Caption the below scripture in your mind:

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. – Galatians 5:5

Regret and condemnation are a pull from the enemy to get us to forget who we are and to get us in a place where we are working for acceptance, approval, and being good enough; instead of believing we are through Christ Jesus. We set ourselves in a cycle that we cannot get out of when we give in to regret acting as condemnation. We cannot do enough work to be acceptable, but we can believe we are.

Some ways to deal with regret can be to ask the Lord to help us to deal with the regret. We can ask the Lord to teach us how to view our regret and to help us to learn from it.
We need to commit ourselves to receive the grace and mercy God gives us:
There is a scripture in Romans that says where sin increased; graced increased the more. That means God has already calculated our missteps before we would make them. Thus, he’s made provision for those missteps, so we’d be able to continue in confidence regarding our covenant with God through Jesus Christ. The missteps we make do not disqualify us from God’s grace. If God does not disqualify us; why should we disqualify ourselves? Read Romans 5:20. Also, read the whole chapter of Romans 5.

There is no manual for dealing with the trauma of grief:
There is a very freeing scripture in the Bible that says sin is not imputed where there is no law. This means that sin is not counted against us as sin where there is no law. There is literally, no law in how to deal with the trauma of grief. Trauma, again, is our emotional response to a distressing circumstance. Everyone is different. Some people may be able to handle being in a traumatic situation, such as watching someone they are close to dying for a long period. Whereas, someone else may have to take breaks from watching their loved one die due to the pain of the trauma.
In those moments, we have to give ourselves grace knowing God isn’t holding it against us for being human. It’s human to hurt or possibly break down when we see someone we love hurt and we cannot do anything about it to stop it. There is no law against how we deal with it. Often, we don’t even know how we’ll deal with it until we’re placed in that situation. From the situation, we learn and grow how to do things the next time. Give yourself a break and don’t hold it against yourself because God doesn’t.

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10 Principles of Powerful Women by R.C. Blakes:

It’s a new day for women who know who they are. Recently, I attended a conference that featured Pastor R.C. Blakes. He encourages women nationally and internationally with his teachings of Queenology. Queenology is an intentional way that women carry themselves. These women as he teaches are self-aware, self-mastered, self-sufficient, self-projected, and self-actualized. Women who carry themselves by the standard of being queens find themselves doing so through the foundation of their relationship with God.

He begins the talk sharing how many women have a broken consciousness where they aren’t aware of who they are. Women were made to have dominion also in the beginning, but most do not know it. He shared how the world hates a woman who knows who she is―getting out of the bed in the morning with confidence. It was refreshing to hear a man build women up to embrace the full abundant life that Christ died for us to have; instead of simply waiting for a man to come into our lives.

Some of the 10 principles are below along with the full recording at the bottom of the article:
Powerful Women Conquer their Emotions
Powerful women do not walk around with their thermostat open for anyone to turn them up or down. He who has no rule over his spirit is like a city without walls (Proverbs 25:28.) He also shared the quote, “The brilliant emotional person will be the servant to the idiot who has control of his life.” There are men out there who draw women in emotionally to use them for their advantage. Women who will conquer their emotions will have to set a limit for themselves and when she feels herself getting close to her limit she will have to self-correct. Also, women who conquer their emotions will have to study women who thrive in high-pressure environments. There should be at least one woman within our circle that we can study. If there isn’t, we will need a new circle. Finally, he shared on emotions, “When your emotions are undisclosed, you own your power and dictate what happens around you.”
Powerful Women are Students of the way Men Think
He began this with scripture from 1 John 4:1 that says not to believe every spirit, but to test the spirits to see whether they are from God. We should not just believe a man off top, but we need to gather data on a date instead of allowing ourselves to be intoxicated with the romance of being out with a man. Men, according to Pastor Blakes operate in 3 ways to hook a woman:

  1. Calculated Conversation
  2. Intentionally becomes a woman’s emotional addiction
  3. Avoids commitment

He made it a point to share that not all men operate in this way, but in general the above is the game.

A Powerful Woman Values Financial Independence
He shared a shocking study that poverty is a woman’s issue. You’ll have to listen to the audio below to find out more details on why that is. Instead of waiting for a night and shining armor; he encouraged women to maximize their abilities sharing a story about a woman who had been married and financially kept by her husband. This woman had experienced several nice things that her husband paid for. One day her husband left her deciding he wanted a younger woman. That married woman had to deal with herself and learn how to become self-sufficient. She became a millionaire starting her own business. This can happen for any woman who shares the required determination and applies it by studying and doing what is necessary to become successful.

Visit Pastor R.C. Blakes website for more content and materials:https://www.rcblakes.com/ 

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Doing Anger Well:

Doing anger well is when we’re angry and we choose not to sin while expressing our anger. This is indeed possible or else God’s word would not have said to be angry and do not sin.

What are some of the ways that we express our anger while sinning? Getting outside of character cursing or belittling someone instead of getting to the root of the problem. Also, acting in rage which could lead to more serious things like murder.

The idea is to use anger to our advantage. Chip Dodd, Author and Psychologist shares in his book, Patterns of the Heart that anger reveals our passions and what’s important to us. In other words, we aren’t angry just for the sake of being angry, but there are deeper concerns that we have that need to be addressed or heard. Our frustration shown in anger is simply a manifestation of not dealing with the deeper issue.

For example, recently I’d taken my mom to a doctor’s appointment and when we’d gotten there, we were greeted with the news that she was not on the schedule. We were also asked questions that made me feel interrogated as though, I just walked into the office with my mom without following the established protocol.

I became upset and was visibly angry. I shared my concern of how I felt that they made a mistake and would not acknowledge it, but acted as if they were doing my mom a favor to squeeze her in and the kicker was that the scheduler lied saying I’d cancelled before-hand and cancelled the appointment. Thus, the manager of the facility tried to scold me as if I was the one lying.

I did not curse or belittle the woman whom I felt interrogated me as though I was lying. I simply stayed focused on the main grievance. Everything else is a distraction. After, I felt I did not get anywhere with her, I asked for her bosses’ info to write a letter. I was angry.

Finally, the woman came back and apologized saying she’d thought about what I’d said. The apology came after I showed her the call-log from the conversations I’d had with the scheduler. Even though I was right regarding the situation, had I acted out of character, the main issue would have never been resolved. Instead, I would have created an even bigger issue.

Thus, doing anger well, is a challenge of discipline and self-control to deal with the underlying issue at hand and get that resolved in order to put the anger to rest. When viewing anger as Chip Dodd says, it causes us to look at anger in a more positive way when used correctly; it can lead to greater understanding and more connected relationships.

Finally, the Bible gives us wisdom in sharing the below:”In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. – Ephesians 4:6
We should not allow too much time to pass before we deal with that underlying issue. We should seek to get it resolved before we can ponder on that anger too much allowing it to grow into more than it needs to.

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