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Why Walking in Purpose Feels Like a Hike (Guest Post):

By: Joy Osahon (Author, Empowerment Speaker, Faith Blogger)

Walking in your purpose is an exciting journey that positions you in spaces and grants you the opportunities that you probably would not have imagined. It is a refreshing journey that can produce invaluable fruits in your life but oftentimes the journey itself can feel more like a hike. Typically, when you go on a hike, you are excited and pumped up at the beginning but that changes once you find yourself tripping over the rocks, losing your balance, here and there, and your body becoming overly tired after putting in several miles. Similar to an actual hike, walking in your purpose can feel the same way. It does feel the same way and what many people do not discuss is that similar feelings experienced are not always a sign for you to throw in the towel. In reality, the reason why walking in your purpose can often feel like a hike is because it is meant to produce the following 3 things:

Character / Resiliency/Greater Impact
Walking in purpose feels like a hike. It is not meant to destroy you but to build you up despite how cliché’ that may sound. Character building is essential when it comes to your purpose. So, when your character is filled with arrogance, pride, and hate, your purpose will not
operate to its fullest potential. It is important to add that character building is not always caused by doing something wrong. God may need you to become wiser in certain areas and sometimes the best way for that to happen is to put you under pressure. No matter how tough things may be or feel, God’s promise found in Jeremiah 29:11 is a strong reminder of that:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm
you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (NIV)

All of which is meant to build up your resiliency. Hence why walking in your purpose is not for the faint of heart. Becoming resilient is not an easy process and it can be very painful and draining. Thankfully, it is not an experience that lasts forever. In the end, you can become wiser, stronger, and more faithful with what God has called you to do; if you choose to stay the course. Even though hiking in your purpose can be difficult, there is still hope that can be found once you tap into God for the power and strength that you need to keep going. 2 Corinthians 12:9 is a great reminder of what it means to be weak in God’s eyes:

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me”. (NIV)

Not only is the “hike” in your purpose shaping your character and making you more resilient; it is positioning you to be of a greater impact to many. I have a personal philosophy that I came up with and live by and that is, “Everything you are going through is someone’s ‘How-To’ Book”. The only way to be a person’s “How-To” book is to get from point A to point Z or in other words, overcoming something. If walking in your purpose was just a smooth or problem-free walk, your journey will not benefit anyone else other than yourself.

Since purpose is not about you and more about how someone can positively benefit from your gift(s), it is essential that you understand that the hardships you have faced or currently are facing are not in vain. It is really in the hiking of your purpose that invaluable lessons are learned, books are being birthed, webinars are created, businesses are being launched, passions are being ignited, ideas are being curated, and individuals are genuinely being served and appropriately loved in a healthy manner. As you can see, having knowledge of your purpose and just casually walking in it is not enough. It is really in the “hiking” experience that a wiser, more knowledgeable, resilient, and influential you is being created. So, embrace the hike.

This Is Not Your “Typical Finding Your Purpose” Book mission is to challenge and shift the conversation and perspective around purpose and the reality of it. So, if you are ready to view purpose from a lense that will transform you into the person that God has called you to be, then take a plunge into this book. Book can be purchased on Amazon: https://amzn.to/3jIJ8fa

Joy Osahon, Author, Speaker, and Faith Blogger
 What makes Joy different from other bloggers and  speakers is that she believes that the best way for women to live their best life is from the inside-out. That is why Joy boldly speaks on topics such as faith, dating/relationships, self-esteem, career, and much more. Joy continuously strives to create a community filled with boldness, healing, growth, and authenticity with hopes that women will begin to live their best life no matter what season of life they are in. Visit her blog at https://www.speakwithjoy.net/ Also, follow her on Instagram @speakwithjoy

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Thoughts on Black is King

Recently, Beyonce dropped a video album, “Black is King.” Before it even came out videos were popping up on YouTube accusing her of comparing Black people being kings to Jesus Christ being the king due to Kanye West’s album. Other accusations went out as well. I watched the film this past Sunday and it did not appear that she was trying to take away from Jesus Christ being the King of Kings. She simply associated Black people with being kings and royal because we are children of God. I do not believe that it is sin for Black people to see themselves as something positive such as a king or a queen. We are made in the image of God and we do take on royalty as we’ve been adopted into the family of God.

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. – 1 Peter 2:9

However, I will say there was a lyric where she said we are the living word. I’m not sure if she was saying that Jesus was Black because Jesus is the Word that was made flesh or perhaps, she was saying that we are a living representation of God’s word that was spoken in the Bible. Her meaning was unclear.

To be honest, I try to stay away from videos of people accusing other people of things whom they do not know and have not met. In our culture, there is a tendency to abuse celebrities as if they aren’t people. Just like I would not want someone to gossip about me; I try to practice the same thing regarding public figures and other people—because we all are just people.

Secondly, the accusations against celebrities on YouTube normally do not have any proof they are simply based on appearance and speculation.  The meaning of speculation is to form a theory or conjecture without firm evidence (Google Definition.) I was not trained to accept accusations about people without evidence. Being one who has been trained in media, we were trained to look up at least 2-3 reputable sources before reporting information.

Even the Bible says to not accept a charge against an elder except on the evidence of 2-3 witnesses. The Bible also cautions us of our tendency to judge by appearance; while God judges by the heart.

But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” – 1 Samuel 16:7

God gets down to the meat and the heart of the person and the matter. This is the way that I desire to go. I am a person who values getting to the depth of things and not judging simply by the surface. In doing so, I have to rely on the Holy Spirit and the Word of God because it isn’t in my nature to judge according to the heart of a person or the matter. It’s simply easier to judge by appearance and that is what so much of us do.

Another scripture reminding us not to judge by appearance:

Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.” – John 7:24

Art is subjective to the viewer. One person may see one thing and another may see something else. It’s okay to say this is my opinion. I perceive what the art is showing to be such and such. That creates a healthy dialogue, but it is totally different when we say this is what the artist meant without consulting or considering the artist who made it. It can be prideful to try to explain someone else’s work without consulting them. It can also be disrespectful.

A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle. – Proverbs 18:19

In our ignorance, we shut ourselves out of being in a position to share the gospel with the subjects of our gossip because we’ve already offended them through our disrespect. If God ever positioned us to be in relationship with the celebrities we’ve talked about; they would not have any respect for anything we have to share including the gospel because we’ve already messed up our creditability through gossip. It’s better to say I’m not comfortable with their art or I did not understand it or simply ask what was meant than to assume their meaning behind a particular thing.

I remember in the past watching a video about the Illuminati and how they would say if you see an album cover with one eye covered; that means that person has been initiated into the Illuminati. I ran into one of my favorite gospel rappers at a conference who had recently released an album with one eye covered. I went up to him and asked him if there was any particular meaning, he meant to imply with his last album cover. He said, “no, why do you ask?” I said because I’d seen a video sharing that when one eye is covered that means the artist has been initiated into the Illuminati. He was like aww Nah. I’m not affiliated with that.

It’s really simple to respect people in humility treating them like human beings rather famous or not, but as I shared earlier; we tend to abuse celebrities saying things about them we’d never say to their faces. We have to keep a clear conscious in dealing with all people including celebrities because Christ loves them too and died for them also. His will is for all men to be saved including celebrities. When we cast meaning on their art without proof putting them into hell, satanism, and blasphemy without proof; we’ve already condemned them in our minds.

Now, there is something called media semiotics where many artists and media creatives study other ancient cultures including the Bible and they borrow from those cultures making it their own for creative purposes. A good example of this is the film, “The Fog.”

In the fog, there is dialogue borrowed from the Bible. The purpose is to have an unfamiliar language said in a voice that appears scary to the audience. The film was somewhat of a scary film. They borrowed the below:

“This is the inscription that was written: mene, mene, tekel, parsin. – Daniel 5:25

The above scripture comes from a story in the Book of Daniel where a new king in Babylon had taken the holy instruments from God’s temple and used them as unholy. He had a party with the instruments that were to be used to minister to the Lord only. Defiling God’s instruments earned him a direct judgment from God. God sent a hand to write the above words on the wall. The king did not know how to interpret the words and he was scared. Daniel was summoned who interpreted them as saying that the king’s actions had been weighed in the balances of heaven and he has been found lacking. Thus, the judgment was to come.

That was the original scriptural meaning of the use of those words. However, they were used in the film, “The Fog.” To infer curiosity and fear. It appears foreign to those who do not know the Bible. Media semiotics is simply borrowing from various cultures and creating your own meaning for them.

Another example of this can be seen in the days of the week: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. The names of the days of the week have come from various ancient gods that we do not worship in America. However, because the names of the days of the week were borrowed from various gods doesn’t mean that everyone who says, Happy Tuesday is referencing a god. This is why it is so important to judge righteously and not by appearance.

The scripture speaks about these things in Romans 14. He warns us to not judge one another based on our convictions. One person has a conviction not to eat meat that is also offered to idols; while another says that God made all meat and thus, he eats all meat. God accepts both of them. Similarly, some people may love Beyonce’s music; while another feels it is a sin to enjoy her music. I don’t think we should fight with one another and accuse one another of not being saved if one listens to her song or if another does not. I do believe it is wisdom to guard our spirits from any music that is contrary to the Word of God.

I believe the greater focus should be on building ourselves up in God’s Word so that we can think and be discerning for ourselves. Understanding what the Word of God says should be the greater emphasis. Many believers don’t know that God is opposed to divination in the form of psychics, tarot cards, horoscopes, and zodiac signs, astral-projection, witchcraft, contacting the dead through necromancy, mediums, spirit guides, and worship of our ancestors. Some of these themes were seen in the film, which is in total opposition to God’s Word.

The above are clear sins laid out in Deuteronomy 18 in the scripture. It’s a form of idolatry because access to other spirits called familiar spirits are the gateway rather than the Spirit of God. We have access to know the future and in some cases to receive messages from our loved ones who have passed on through Christ and the Spirit of God only. Anything else is idolatry and God is opposed to it.

Finally, from what I’ve seen in the media, it appears that Beyonce made her visual album to share positive images of Black people and Black culture. She mentioned she wants us to see us from a position of royalty rather than less than. That is noble. It is a good thing. However, I would add  while that is good; there is a greater importance to see ourselves from our identity in Christ

For while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. – 1 Timothy 4:8

As Black people, we’ve dealt with the challenge for years of fully embracing ourselves due to racism in this country and even in the church. I think it is valuable and honorable what Beyonce is trying to do with her film. She encouraged Black women to embrace their beauty and not to believe the lie that we’d be alone because we are Black. However, we have to remember that it isn’t enough to simply build ourselves up naturally. We cannot afford to hide ourselves in pride or our own strength. We have to build ourselves up on God’s Word. That is what will keep us sound when the challenges of life come.

Building ourselves up simply after natural things alone is like a woman who becomes scorned by men, so she decides to only focus on building her career and becoming successful. When her career gets taken away; she has nothing left. However, the woman who builds her identity on what God has said about her in his Word will always have the strength to continue forward in life because she isn’t founded on natural and temporary things only, but she is founded on what is eternal the Word of God.

I completely believe in embracing our Blackness, but not without trusting in the Lord. We need more people who love being Black as God made us and being found as a true worshipper of Christ. We can have those who trust in the Lord, but who do not draw strength from the flesh, but we cannot have those who draw strength only from fleshy things—it’s simply dangerous and it will cause our hearts to turn from the Lord.

This is what the LORD says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the LORD. That person will be like a bush in the wastelands; they will not see prosperity when it comes. They will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. “But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. – Jeremiah 17:5-7

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One Way to Stay Sane During Remote Work & Quarantine:

Many of us are working from home, taking care of kids or elders, running businesses among other things during quarantine and it seems like our responsibilities have increased. All of our responsibilities have meshed together and in that, we can easily forget to get our proper rest. We have to purpose to get the necessary rest our mind and bodies need.

Rest is so important and comes with so many benefits. When we rest, we allow our bodies to heal themselves. We protect our mental and emotional health and become more creative due to proper rest. The Center for Disease Control recommends 7 hours or more of sleep per night for adults 18 and up. However, in the culture, there is a glorification of no sleep or limited sleep. There’s almost an expected badge of honor for not properly taking care of ourselves due to being productive or busy.

Believe me, I’m all for working and productivity, but the truth be told, there is a time for it. There is a time for work and a time for rest. God modeled this by creating the world in 6 days and on the 7th day resting. This is part of the importance of obeying the Sabbath day, which is a day of rest. It allows us to rest from our work, have the necessary quiet time, and to remember the Lord.

Prioritizing rest consistently within our schedules allows us to be more creative, impactful, and purposeful when we do work. We don’t have to work so long when we are rested because we don’t make as many careless mistakes. Our bodies also become more resistant to diseases that thrive in restless bodies like heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and more.

As a creative, I’ve experienced being overwhelmed by being over-committed to more than I could handle at one time. During those times, I can remember getting sick more. I remember one time I could not shake what I thought was a cold. I’d lost my voice and everything. When I visited the doctor, I found out I had an upper respiratory infection. I had to go on antibiotics to finally shake it. That was years ago. I’ve never become sick like that again since my schedule has been re-adjusted and I’ve prioritized rest.

I’ve personally seen members in my family who’ve struggled with mental illness become triggered in their mental illness when the proper rest was lacking, and I’ve also watched the same family heal when proper rest was restored with a safe and consistent routine that allows for stability and rest. Rest is just as important as work. Without the two, we will become sick, less sharp mentally, emotionally, and it will be harder to hear the Lord due to a lack of quietness in our spirits.

When we lack rest and constantly run, run, and run some more, we experience a lack of peace, quietness, reflection, and stillness that awakens us to creativity, ideas, and a unique passion to tackle life in the most committed, engaging, and joyful way. Commit to rest today. Commit to being the best you. Choose one day out of the week where you will not do any work except for a relaxing passion project.

Our phones can help us to prioritize rest. There are helpful apps that can remind us to go to bed at the same time each night and to turn off our electronics at a certain time. I use the Rally Health app. There are so many others out there. Once we develop a routine of rest, we will, in turn, develop a routine of success in every area of our lives.

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Simplifying the Cares Act for Student Loans:

Many Millennials are facing student loan debt. As you may already know by now; the government has enacted a mandatory deferment on all Federal student loans from March 13th, 2020  – September 30th, 2020.
That means people holding Federal student loans do not have to make a principal or interest payment until October of 2020 unless the Cares Act becomes extended. The credit status of the loan will continue to report as it had been reported in March during the duration of the deferment.

If your income has been affected; this gives you time to look for employment. If not, this can be a time where you can add extra money toward your payment because you will not have to pay interest. That will allow you to knock down some of the principal. You can also call your loan servicer to ask for a re-calculation if you were on an income-based repayment plan and your income was affected.

If your student loan account was delinquent before the Cares Act; this can be an opportunity for you to add the extra interest that you would have been paying to the delinquency amount to bring it current. For those who were on a loan rehabilitation plan where you are required to make 9 payments in 9 consecutive months; the deferred payment months will continue to count towards eligibility for the program as if payments were made even though you are not required to pay until October.

This Cares Act does not affect Private Loans that aren’t owned by the government. You can contact your private loan servicer to see if they are offering any remedies if you’ve experienced hardship due to Covid-19. One method you can use to convince your private loan holder to offer you something helpful can be to share with them that you have a right to consolidate your private loans into one Federal loan and it seems that is your only option. In that case, they may be persuaded to work with you.

The Below are resource links to guide you to find out more information about the Cares Act:

Department of Education: https://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ope/caresact.html
Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB): https://www.consumerfinance.gov/about-us/blog/what-you-need-to-know-about-student-loans-and-coronavirus-pandemic/
CFPB Credit Reporting Guidelines: https://www.consumerfinance.gov/about-us/newsroom/cfpb-issues-credit-reporting-guidance-during-covid-19-pandemic/
SLBA (Student Loan Borrower Assistance: https://www.studentloanborrowerassistance.org/help-for-private-student-loan-borrowers-during-covid-19-crisis/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+studentloanborrowerassistance%2FyPwH+%28Student+Loan+Borrower+Assistance%29
Forbes Article on Private Loans: https://www.forbes.com/sites/adamminsky/2020/05/19/student-loan-servicers-are-dinging-credit-reports-for-the-cares-act-forbearance/#66a9da8d65fa

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Fellow Entrepreneurs: Keep Building

During this season, I’d been seeking the Lord about my business and ministry more often than usual. I’d been asking God what He wanted me to do. Does He want me to continue or do something else? I believe God’s response to me was to keep going.
Intercession for A Generation was started on a word from the Lord. God told me to put up the website in 2013. I discussed it with my friend, who is also one of my prayer partners. She encouraged me to obey the Lord and provided me with some practical steps to get started. Not long afterward, the site was up.

7 years later, I’ve had some progress, but doing this type of work doesn’t always allow us to see the fruit produced in the lives of others because of my obedience. I know God can move in seasons with things including ministry, so I wanted to make sure I was still in line with his will. Perhaps, it was a season for me to do something else instead, but God is saying otherwise, so I will keep going.
I think it is only normal at some point to question if we should continue in an endeavor after having done it for so long and still, everything seems almost the same. Where is the progress? Is God still with me? Maybe I missed it? This can be normal when we’re building as entrepreneurs who use our businesses as ministries to others.

During my devotion time with the Lord last week; I just so happened to be in the book of Haggai, which gave me the answer I needed. Haggai was a prophet in the old testament, who’s name means festive. That is just how the Israelites were living at the time. The Israelites had recently gotten from under the Babylonian bondage and lived under King Darius. Every Israelite minded their own business in their own homes. They became selfish dealing with only their individual needs while leaving the temple of God in ruins.

God had previously dealt with them about rebuilding the temple, but because the Israelites faced opposition from those around them; they stopped the work. They became lackadaisical only seeking what made them comfortable.

God sent the prophet Haggai to his people to get them out of that slump and to put fire to flame causing them to go back into completing the work of building the temple. The below scripture was clear in its message that the Israelites in this scenario needed to simply work:

But now be strong, Zerubbabel,’ declares the Lord. ‘Be strong, Joshua son of Jozadak, the high priest. Be strong, all you people of the land,’ declares the Lord, ‘and work. For I am with you,’ declares the Lord Almighty. – Haggai 2:4

Not only did God command the Israelites to work, but He planted a seed within them of what to expect upon completion. He shared that once complete the glory that was previously experienced in the former temple would be nothing in comparison to what will be experienced in the new temple. I think we can have a tendency to get complacent and think to ourselves, “well God used me back then or I’ve had some good times with the Lord.” However, God is setting an expectation that our good times we’ve had with the Lord aren’t all there is. God is saying this isn’t all there is. There is more that He has for us and that is why we have to keep building. DON’T BE DISCOURAGED! CONTINUE THE WORK GOD HAS CALLED YOU TO NO MATTER WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE NOW. GOD IS WITH YOU. KEEP GOING!

Watch video snippet below re-interating the encouraging word:

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Does God Want Us to Put Up With Abuse?

Have you ever been involved in an altercation that seemed so unnecessary as if someone was striving with you without cause? Of course, you have, and if you have not, you eventually will. This is just an inevitable part of life. Some misunderstandings naturally occur, and sometimes others simply take out what is going on with them on you because you’re the nearest target. Or perhaps, they’ve taken out things on you in the past and you have not spoken up about it, but you simply went to your prayer closet and prayed for the individual.

Thus, in the person’s mind, who abused you; you are a likely candidate to take frustrations out on because you will not stand up for yourself and thus you appear to be a superhuman who can weather any normally unwelcome attacks. This is abuse and a misuse of treating someone in a way we’d like ourselves to be treated.

So, what should we do? Should we embrace the abuse in hopes that the person will change? Should we offer ourselves to endure more abuse or should we back away, regather and recoup our sense of pride and respect as a human being?

When we read scriptures like the below; I think we can misinterpret it to mean that God wants us to simply put up with abuse. As an older person, I cannot be sure that is what that scripture means:

But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. – Matthew 5:39-40

Also
You have heard that it was said, “Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. That you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. – Matthew 5:44-45

First, I don’t believe the Word of God is saying that we should simply put up with abusive behavior. I do believe God is requiring us to have a level of endurance and patience with people who have become hard to deal with as He has done as our heavenly father. He has not cut us off due to our bad behavior, yet allows us mercy in allowing his sun to shine on us daily despite whether we have earned it or not.

Being able to endure, show mercy, and have patience with a person who is hard to deal with will require our expectation to be realistic realizing that it is going to take some signing up for—some endurance, and some commitment not to simply leave our neighbor due to where they are at.
Have you dealt with such a rude person, but you knew it wasn’t that they were just rude, but it was because they were simply immature? Misunderstandings are inevitable with those who are immature. Some things the immature just will not be able to perceive because they’re too immature. We have to be willing to some degree to endure the process with them to foster healthy relationships that bring God glory.

Putting up with abuse isn’t the point. Enduring through the process of healing is. This process is for situations where this is possible. If you are in fear of your life due to an abuser who threatens your life or well-being; Then yes, please leave that situation. This blog post is for people who endure what feels like unnecessary attacks by others for seeming no reason, and the attacks come from people that are placed in our lives by God for relationships such as in-laws, family, and genuine friends, yet these people feel like enemies. It could be anyone that God has placed in our lives to show his love to despite the ugly part of them. We all have an ugly part to us that God chose to love into something beautiful.

However, to do this, we have to build ourselves up in our inner man. See 1 Peter 3:1-5.

The scriptures discuss a relationship between two people in a marriage. The woman is a believer and the man is not. However, they are in a life-long covenant before God. Thus, they are tied together but because of their differing beliefs, there will be inevitable conflict. This will be a drain on the woman testing her patience. She has two options:

  1. Berate her husband due to her disappointment with where he is at.
  2. Remain gentle in spirit and love allowing her patience and consistent respect for him despite his weakness to convict him of her God―drawing him to the truth.

We have all probably done both because we are human. We try to be patient, endure, cover, and respect that person who seems impossible to deal with, and other times, we simply aren’t in the mood to put up with what we see as unnecessary abuse.

God provides a secret in this scripture on how to deal with such a situation. He tells the woman to attend to herself by saying when he shares that she should adorn herself. To adorn means to put on or to dress. God wants us to dress our spirit-man in the things that make us healthy. The scripture is clear that it isn’t referencing outward adornment as in makeup or dazzling hairstyles. It means her spirit. God wants us to know that our spirit is important too. He isn’t only trying to use us to win someone else to him, but he wants us healthy as well. It’s of more value to God for us to be healthy than to be shriveled up due to the abuse of someone else (See vs. 4).

Adorning: An apt and harmonious arrangement or constitution, order, government. Ornament, decoration, adornment i.e. the arrangement of the stars, “the heavenly hosts, as the ornament of the heavens (Thayer Definition.)

That’s pretty deep that the word for adorning in the Greek Thayer dictionary means a peaceful arrangement in essence. God wants our spirits to be in a peaceful order—undisturbed by others. It’s only when we’re in that state that we can genuinely endure the process of a relationship that is in its rough edges. We can only do this while we’re built up. If we aren’t built up in a moment, we may need to step away to avoid unnecessary escalation.

For example:

“This is not a good time to talk, can we reschedule this?”

“I have not eaten today; can we discuss this after dinner?

The above examples are someone giving themselves the time and space to recuperate or build up their strength to have the endurance to face the other person without stepping into a realm of cursing them out or being evil and spiteful toward them.

Further, God warns the husband in the scenario to practice patience and wisdom when dealing with his wife. The idea of praying for our enemies and blessing them is not a one-sided thing. God is at work on both sides (vs.7.)

The bible says something about how blessing our enemies, praying for them, and being kind to them will allow us to reap coals of hot burning fire over their heads. This is said to be a practice in Egypt of repentance, which is to have a change of heart and mind or to turn away. Eventually, the one that we are enduring with by not cutting him/her off or canceling him/her due to their rude behavior will become convicted of our consistency in love and commitment toward them and they will change. I will say this is a hard one to walk out, but with the help of the Holy Spirit; all things are possible. I’m walking this out personally in my life and I pray that others will do the same.

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A Robotic Mentality of Marriage Instead of a Human Mentality:

Routines are good because they can help us to practice discipline, but routines can be harmful when the importance of a routine takes precedence over intimacy and genuine mental and emotional connection in a marriage. Being robotic in a sense where work becomes more important than seeing that there is something wrong with your spouse can become an issue. Resentment can become a natural reaction and a wedge of separation is formed.

Take, for example, a couple who normally goes to church on Sunday. The husband takes the trash out every Tuesday, kisses his wife, and everything seems fine. The wife is taken care of financially, talks all day to her husband, cooks, and everything is fine. Let’s say the man breaks the routine and doesn’t want to talk so much. Maybe, he starts to withdraw and even picks up some bad habits that aren’t characteristic of a Christian and not what the godly wife expects.

If the woman condemns him for his actions of breaking the routine that she expected instead of fighting alongside him against the root cause of the issue; that man may feel as though he is in his marriage alone and he may withdraw even more. Meanwhile, the wife attempts to garner support from others sharing that her husband is no good based on his actions in the current moment of the struggle rather than the character of the man she chose to marry and love. She fights more so for the routine to be re-installed than for the husband that she says she loves. This can be a serious issue in a marriage.

The Bible shares the below about a foolish woman:

A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands. – Proverbs 14:1

In the scenario above, the woman has an opportunity to apply wisdom. It will be uncomfortable, and it will expose some insecurities she may have, but if the man is a genuine godly brother and she a genuine godly sister, the both of them will grow stronger together because of the wisdom applied that would cause them to fight alongside one another rather than fight one another. The woman in the scenario; however, is fighting for the comfort of her robotic routine rather than the freedom of her spouse.

Sadly, some women have a fairytale―all about me attitude, when it comes to marriage. This attitude requires the man to only perform for her. When the man shows weakness; he is put down, disrespected, verbally abused, and almost discarded.

She sees him as her robot instead of a human. Humans have weaknesses, run into roadblocks, and sometimes get overwhelmed and discouraged. Sometimes they need their spouse to show genuine concern for what’s going on with them.

Likewise, some men want to only use their wives sexually as a coping mechanism to get through without showing concern for her emotionally. She is more than a sex object, but a whole human being.

I didn’t even mention how having children can amplify the situation. The routine of robotism can cause a couple to forget the genuine need of one another to simply be. That is to be safe, heard, valued, and comforted with knowing they get one another and are there for one another.

Continued robotic routine with the man and woman only performing for one another to keep the peace, can begin to eat away at true intimacy and emotional and mental connection. Eventually, the couple may become cold and hard wondering how they got there.

This is a real issue. The couple will have to realize it took time to get like this and it will take time to get out of this. Humility will be required for both parties to come together and communicate with respect. A third-party counselor can help to mediate this. If the spars at one another have gotten too harsh for peace; brief separation may be required while each person takes responsibility in working on him and her selves.

“Self-righteousness will not hold a marriage together. There’s going to have to be some humility from both parties.”

Don’t do marriage alone. Allow wise and mature people in enough to build you up and tell you both the truth. Check out resources at Build a Better Us Ministry as they provide education and workshops around this topic.

Tests in your marriage can bring you together in a stronger way if you have the proper wisdom to navigate it. Here wisdom from the Word of God below

See the parable in Luke 11:39 when Jesus and his disciples are questioned by the religious leaders on why they do not wash their hands before eating.

Jesus’ response was to share with the religious leader that it isn’t about the routine of washing the hands or washing the outside of a cup, but the inside of the cup. In other words, Jesus was saying they were focused on the wrong thing.

They want to have an appearance of cleanliness, but where it counts which is the inside of a person, the inner man of the heart, that is neglected. The Bible says that it’s the inner man where various sins are birthed out (See Matthew 15:16-20).

When a couple focuses on a robotic routine instead of tending to the inner man of themselves and the spouse; they focus on the wrong things leaving themselves vulnerable for an attack on their marriage.

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The Difference Between Walking in Fear or Boldness Toward God

Have you ever been in a place where you feared condemnation because you came face to face with your weaknesses and frailties as a man or woman? What did you do? Did you begin to believe the lies of the enemy that told you that you weren’t enough or that you did not measure up?
God provided a way for us to be bold and confident in dealing with him even while confronting our weaknesses. That way is to be acquainted with his love.

Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God. And we have known and believed the love that God has to us. God is love, and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God and God in him. 1 John 4:15-16

Herein is our love made perfect (complete or mature) that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as he is so are we in this world. 1 John 4:17
There is no fear in love, but perfect (complete, full-grown, or mature) love casts out fear: because fear has torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

The above scriptures say a whole lot. The main point is first knowing and believing God’s love for us. This is one of the main areas we get attacked in especially if/when we fall into sin. Condemnation and the lies of the enemy set in to blind us from the truth of God’s love toward us. This is a rabbit-hole many fall down when they are only acquainted with God according to laws, rules, and religion, and not being acquainted with the fact that God loves them despite their weaknesses.

God knew about every one of our weaknesses before we would come to Christ and he has already made provision to heal us and to deliver us. Part of that deliverance will come from the humility of realizing God’s commitment to us is not contingent upon our works or performance. It’s contingent upon his decision before the foundation of the world to love us.

Have you ever heard the term, “I’m a mess, yet he still loves me?”

The acceptance, love, worth, and value that God offers us while we’re still in the process of coming to maturity produces humility that draws us to the Lord. That humility makes us want to seek him and love him back in keeping his commandments and becoming more acquainted with him.

We love him because he first loved us. – 1 John 4:19

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. – Romans 12:1

Becoming more acquainted with God’s love and mercy toward us allows us to worship God in a more meaningful way—not just singing songs, but offering our bodies to him, allowing our discomfort in denying ourselves to be turned to the comfort of knowing and walking with him.
This is why it is so important to become acquainted with God’s love in maturity. Immaturity regarding God’s love will have us going in the same circles and cycles of sin again and again. Those stuck in cycles may be depending on fear and trying to hold things together due to fear instead of resting in the bold understanding of God’s love and commitment to us.

That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love. May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passes knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. – Ephesians 3:17-19

Christianity is not the survival of the fittest. It’s the thriving of those who learn to rest in God’s love. The survival of the fittest concept means some make it and some don’t based on their own merits. It means some are cut out for this and some aren’t, but God made a way that everyone who believes in him would overcome no matter what their strengths and weaknesses are.

We become acquainted with God’s love through dwelling in God, who is love. See verse 16 again in 1 John 4. Whatever you do, seek to dwell in God. Pray that he would reveal himself to you and his great love toward you. Always believe in God and his word no matter what twists and turns life takes you on. Remember that God is for you always and never against you.

Love meaning: brotherly love, affection, goodwill, love, benevolence. Love feasts (Thayer Definition.)

The above description of love is how God sees us. His thoughts toward us surround the idea of dear affection, goodwill, and benevolence. When we are assured of this we can walk in confidence and boldness toward God according to the scriptures.

Boldness:Freedom in speaking, unreservedness in speech. Openly, frankly, without concealment. Without ambiguity or circumlocution. Without the use of figures and comparisons. Free and fearless confidence, cheerful courage, boldness, assurance. The deportment by which one becomes conspicuous or secures publicity (Thayer definition.)

The opposite of boldness is fear and torment. A fearful and tormented person is always afraid of doing something wrong, not being accepted, and not being good enough. The fearful person is afraid of punishment and hesitant in living a bold life stepping out in firm faith and belief in God. God’s will for us in life is not to walk in fear, but boldness toward him. We should know God and know that he is for us. We should be people well acquainted with his love.

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The Non-Existence of Dating…

From personal experience, dating God’s way often means long periods of not dating at all. When was the last time you’ve been on a date? Be honest. There is nothing to be ashamed of if you have not dated in a while. I used to be ashamed of not having gone on a date in a long time. I used to even question myself if I was worthy of being courted, pursued, or finely dined. As an older person, who’s been there and done that; I realize I don’t want it unless it’s with someone that I can potentially see a future with.

I’m 37 years old. I date with purpose when I date. I desire real genuine love and commitment, and I strongly believe that is out there for me in God’s timing. I had to learn to wait for what’s right over right now. It can be discouraging as a woman with standards not being asked out by men who share the same values. As a Christian, I don’t want to be unequally yoked. I only want to marry another Christian, so I only date other Christians, but there’s the thing of Christian men not approaching Christian women. As a Christian woman, who’s primarily approached by none Christian men; it can be a temptation to try to fix a man or missionary date a man, but when you’re mature and you’ve been there and done that; it’s no longer an option.

Probably the greatest issue that our generation faces is bringing men and women together of like minds and values to build together. The first and foundational part of building a healthy relationship is to have similar values. The core values are the things that are less typical of changing. They hold everything else up built upon them. Core values are your strong personal convictions such as your faith, your morals, and attitudes around family, money, social norms, and the treatment of others.

Once the values are in place, other less important aspects of a potential partner can be considered like how much money a person makes, how big or small their belly is, or their height. These things can be compromised on, but core values must be agreed upon. The Bible says, “How can two walk together except they are agreed? (Amos 3:3)”

Don’t feel like you’re doing yourself a disservice by not having gone on a date, but rather be open to communicate with various men you meet whether in the church, at an event, in the grocery store, or whatever venue. Just be open to communicate with him to find out what their values look like. When you are whole, content, and self-loving enough to pass up on what doesn’t align with your core values; you’re ready to truly date with a purpose. You’re equipped with patience to wait as long as it takes because you embody being a woman or man of God who knows s/he’s worth it.

For the ladies, I have a game-plan that you can use when going throughout your day and a man approaches you. You can ask him a question that will begin to show you pieces of his heart. This question also leads to more questions where you can either connect with him further or back up and gracefully let him know you aren’t the one for him. I believe we all have a match if the Lord wills. Everyone simply just isn’t for us, and it’s okay to recognize that and gracefully keep it moving.

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Patterns of the Heart: Conversations

This blog post is a video of an interview that I did with Camille of Purely Bacherlorette on my latest book, “Patterns of the Heart: Discernment in Choosing a Potential Spouse.” I share regarding my journey as a 37-year-old virgin and single Christian woman, and how I learned to accept myself, overcame brokenness due to my household upbringing, and how I learned to appreciate God’s grace even more and how appreciating God’s grace even more is a good prerequisite to getting into a marriage relationship. Finally, we cover pretty much all of the questions in the book briefly along with other nuggets.

Watch the full interview below:

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