Disappointment is inevitable when we have hope. Everyone will experience disappointment. The idea is not to avoid hope to avoid disappointment but to process disappointment well. The Bible says hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life (Proverbs 13:12.)

Even the Bible acknowledges the relationship between hope and disappointment and the inevitability of heart-sickness as a result of not experiencing the longing we’d hoped for, but it doesn’t stop there. The second part reminds us of the possibility of what we are longing for and when the possibility is fulfilled it will be a gift that keeps on giving.

The whole thought of the scripture provides the hope that we need to continue hoping and believing after experiencing disappointment. If you’ve ever asked yourself should you continue to have an expectation of hope after experiencing disappointment; the answer is yes you should.

How do you normally process disappointment? Self-awareness is an important tool that allows us to become aware of areas of weakness in our lives as well as strength. Becoming aware of how we process disappointment can help us to make tweaks where necessary to ensure processing disappointment in a healthy way that results in continued hope.

Recently, I’d experienced a disappointment and initially, I thought that it would help to talk out the disappointment with a friend until I realized that talking with my friend about the disappointment made me upset. I found that some of my friends aren’t comfortable with discussing my disappointments and instead of listening and allowing me to process my thoughts; one of my friends continued to change the subject, I guess, to take my mind off of the disappointment and that made me more upset.

Why? Because I need to process the disappointment to view it in a healthy way. Changing the subject was not helpful for me. This experience taught me that I need to process my thoughts first before bringing someone into it or perhaps to process it with a professional, who is trained to listen instead of a friend who is uncomfortable with seeing me disappointed.

Something else I realized is that processing the disappointment allows us to move on. It’s like when someone dies and we have a funeral. The funeral is to allow the living to process the transition of the one who died. Why? Because the living has a responsibility to continue on living. Without the processing of the transition of the loved one no longer being alive; it can be very difficult to move on with hope. However, when the death is processed and burial has taken place it provides somewhat of an ending that allows for closure and the future hope of the living.

Processing our disappointment allows us to move on to hopefully see the tree of life the scripture speaks about in the process of having our hope deferred and then finally coming to believe again. What are some ways you process disappointment?

I have to share this lesson that I’ve noticed when it comes to waiting to have sex. God’s honest truth is that we need to stay true to ourselves. There is so much judgment and shame when it comes to singles, women, and the right time to have sex or not.

We all have been watching Season 12 of Married at First Sight which has been heart-droppingly sad to watch. Mainly, because of the pain that Paige is allowing herself to be dragged through. There is a judgment that says one is darned if she does and darned if she doesn’t when it comes to sex. What do I mean by this? I mean there will always be those who talk, gossip, disagree or have something down-right ugly to say whether we wait or not, so we may as well stay true to ourselves and wait to reap the benefits of those that wait. The most important thing is if your conviction is to wait for sex; honey! You need to simply do that.

We watched Iris get dragged during Season 9 of Married at First Sight for not having sex with Keith and now on Season 12 Paige is being dragged and called stupid for having sex with her husband every night while he makes it clear to the world he doesn’t want her. In the eyes of others, there will always be this, “darned if you do and darned if you don’t response.” However, each of us has to live with the consequences and benefits of our own actions.

Thus, we should never allow the opinions and critiques of others to persuade us to turn aside from our heart-felt and God-given convictions. This season of Married at First Sight is so educational on so many levels, but I simply want to point out that Paige is living with the consequences of being with a man sexually she did not know and did not have a genuine commitment from outside of the process of Married at First Sight. Well, Married at First Sight is for a set time period then the decision is made. The time on the show should be a period to learn if the other party is trust-worthy so the parties can decide if they can build together or not.

Iris on Season 9 took the time to attempt to get to know her partner and to see if they could mesh well. Thankfully, she did not sleep with him because, in the end, they found that they were going in two separate directions. Iris saved herself from being bonded to Keith emotionally through the hormone released during sex called Oxytocin. Oxytocin is known as the bonding hormone. It causes couples to feel bonded together whether they have a strong foundation for their relationship or not.

Iris did not have to worry about getting pregnant by a guy who did not want her or having to co-parent a child with a guy who doesn’t care for her like that. She did not have to worry about getting an STD either. She can move on and heal more easily with no strings attached. These are the benefits of staying true to yourself.
On the other hand, Paige is very much so attached to Chris. She constantly shares how confused she is which is natural when sex is bought into the picture too soon. It clouds one from sound judgment. This is why we see her continuing to try to win Chris’s affection by constantly giving herself to him with no protection. She leaves herself vulnerable to have a child potentially with someone who doesn’t care for her. She left herself open to possibly getting an STD which is likely with Chris’ record with women. Finally, all of the energy Paige has invested into Chris and the already failed relationship should be re-invested into herself. She needs to level-up and get some higher self-esteem about herself.

Giving ourselves to those who value us just as much as we value ourselves when we are at our best provides a level of security and safety that we innately desire as women. This is what we can expect to experience when not only waiting until marriage to have sex but being healthy and whole enough to choose a partner willing to give this to us in marriage.

The point of comparing Iris & Paige is that they were two women in similar predicaments, who made two different choices. They both got dragged for their choices and they both had to live with the consequences or benefits of their choices just like us.

There is a scripture that says all people will have to suffer something. That is the nature of being in this fallen world, but the scripture goes on to share that it is better to suffer for righteousness’s sake than not. Suffering for righteousness will reap rewards reserved for the righteous. So, yes it will be hard at times. People will talk no matter the decision we make. But it’s better to make the right decision and suffer the scoffs of those who lack understanding and yet remain safe in the practice of God’s commandments. 

For it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.- 1 Peter 3:17
The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes. – Psalms 19:8

If we genuinely stay true to ourselves, our God, our value, and worth, we will one day attract and experience the genuine love and care that we all desire.

It’s our responsibility as women to guard our hearts while getting to know a guy before going all-in:
It’s our responsibility as women to guard our hearts while getting to know a guy not going all in, but instead practicing discernment. I know Paige was put into a unique situation by being married at first sight to a stranger, but the reality is still true that Chris is a stranger. With strangers, we hope for the best and judge behavior by looking out for our best interests. This is called practicing discernment. Discernment must be practiced when getting to know someone for a relationship instead of going all in. When we go all-in in the beginning without getting to know someone; we experience more hardship than we may have had to. We are harshly awakened to the reality of our lack of judgment with the sudden pain that is a result of us missing the clear red flags that were so clearly before us had we taken the time to look letting time reveal the mystery of who our potential love interest is.

Just because a guy says Jesus, he’s a Christian, or something churchy doesn’t mean he is a good match:
We’ve gotten to a place with some single women where the standard is just extremely low. Paige got so excited saying, yes and exclaiming how this relationship is God putting her together with Chris all because Chris said something religious. That is a low standard. Just because someone mentions religion doesn’t mean they are a good match or a good witness of that religion. Chris has a religious background and is deep in the church, but that doesn’t mean God’s character is deep in him. Simply put, Chris is immature. He needs to go through several trials and tribulations before coming to the maturity to take on a wife. He’d been going back and forth between his ex that he was engaged to 3 months before the show and the idea of being with Paige. Recently, we found out that not long before Married at First Sight he slept with his ex again and now she is pregnant. Paige has been bought into the middle of all of this unfairly knowing what she was getting herself into. Chris is what the Bible calls double-minded. A double-minded person is a dishonest person who is constantly between two opinions or choices not making up their mind for a particular path. The Bible goes on to say, “let not that man receive anything from God.” The Bible also says that every good and perfect gift comes from God. This lets us know it isn’t God putting this couple together, but man. If it were God, he would have waited until Chris was ready.

The Bible says that a double-minded man is unstable in all of his ways. This perfectly describes Chris. His life right now is unstable and he bought a stranger into his instability. Ladies, when a man is unstable, double-minded, and cannot decide if he really wants you or other women; leave him alone. He is not ready. Further, sometimes guys will stay with the girl they really don’t want because they think it’s the right thing to do. This creates more hurt for the girl, in this case, Paige later on down the line as she may have invested more into the relationship holding out for the hope of the man’s misleading signals. Chris is clearly sharing with us the audience on his video confessions that he feels trapped with Paige. He also shared how he did not feel that she was attractive to him. Why is he being dishonest with himself and staying? Paige would do well to look at this man’s actions and not just listen to his words that do not add up.

Your only purpose in life is not marriage:
Paige has said again and again her only purpose in life is to get married and have kids. Marriage is honorable and so is raising children, but that cannot be our only purpose in life because we aren’t married from the womb to the tomb. There is in-between time and sometimes lots of in-between time. Will we avoid walking in purpose before marriage or if our marriage partner dies leaving us widowed? No.

We have to get rid of this imbalanced idea that we aren’t walking in purpose or really living our lives until we are married. This backward thinking causes many women to look past red-flags that should be caught at the gate just to be married. We don’t want to be miserably married; we want to be wisely married to someone who compliments who we are. This takes growth and maturity. It takes self-awareness and self-discovery of ourselves and our purposes before marriage not just after marriage.

Thankfully, many Millennials are wising up and deciding to marry later after they’ve done some work on themselves and grown, so they will not bring unnecessary baggage into their marriage relationship. This is frowned on by some who pressure Christians and especially Christian women to simply marry without teaching them to practice proper discernment to choose a worthy partner. Many women and men put off their purpose or never discover their purpose because they allow the wrong relationships to distract them. I believe Paige is in a learning process like many other women and she will have to pay attention to what is going on to avoid dealing with a similar situation in the future. We don’t just want to be married. We want marriages that last.

How does a good girl go bad? The main way a good girl goes bad is to allow unbelief to take root in her heart. This normally happens through focusing on the wrong thing. Every single Christian woman who has attempted to honor God during her season of waiting for a godly spouse has asked herself the question is it really worth it to continue doing the right thing while being left in waiting while others veer off the path and are soon after in what appears to be a successful marriage.

I always remind others as well as myself that yes, it is worth it. It’s also worth it to protect how we value giving our lives as an offering to God even in waiting for a spouse; we have to be careful what we focus on. Focusing on the wrong thing can cause us to fret.

Recently, I learned that to fret means the below:

1. To eat or gnaw into or corrode. To corrode means to destroy or damage slowly. Destroy or weaken gradually.
2.  Fret comes from the Old English word freton which means to devour like an animal. When you fret over something, it consumes your thoughts.
3.  For example: If you tell your mother not to fret about you while you go off to war, you’re telling her not to worry about you too much. (Vocabulary.com)

What is being corroded when a good girl goes bad? And what is being corroded when we fret? Our faith and trust in God, his goodness, and the worthiness of the process of suffering involved with obeying God and his way. When people allow their faith and trust in God and his way to be corroded; they resign to disbelief, bitterness, coldness of heart, pride and they begin to emulate the wicked. This is how so many good girls and guys turn bad not realizing that this is simply a part of the process of walking with God―to view the wicked seemingly prospering while obeying God in spite of allowing this process to develop Godly character w/I us.

Single Christian women and men aren’t the first to experience discouragement at seeing the wicked prosper. Asaph, the writer of the 73rd Psalm addresses these very same feelings when he says the below:

Surely in vain, I have kept my heart pure
     and have washed my hands in innocence.
 All day long I have been afflicted,
     and every morning brings new punishments. – Psalms 73:13-14

This is nothing new as there is nothing new under the sun. This is a challenge that many believers have faced for many years. You’re not alone if you’ve ever felt this way. Asaph was going through a challenge where he had been watching the prosperity of the wicked. However, he concluded that the prosperity of the wicked was not their end. God instead caused the wicked to go through things to humble them bringing them to the reality of God’s truth.

King David also addresses this saying in Psalms 37 that we should not fret ourselves because of evildoers nor be envious of them because they will soon be cut off and will wither like a dying plant. Instead, David encourages us to trust in the Lord and continue to do good. This is where he adds the famous scripture and promise from God to the righteous below:

Take delight in the Lord,
     and he will give you the desires of your heart. – Psalms 37:4

That word delight in the Strong’s dictionary means: To be soft, be delicate, be dainty. To be happy about, take exquisite delight. To make merry over, make sport. Delight also has a verb meaning: to be soft, pliable, effeminate, or luxurious delight.

I find it interesting that us guarding our hearts and allowing ourselves to remain soft and pliable to the Lord is what it truly means to take delight in the Lord and of course that leads to joy in the Lord which is our strength. Even more interesting is the association with delight as a verb to mean effeminate which is a metaphor, I believe to show the softness, safety, and security that a woman values and desires from her husband. I believe the Lord is sharing with us that with God as our Lord we should be so secure, safe, soft, and open to God’s faithfulness in fulfilling His promises to us and taking care of all necessary business.

Further, the opposite of delighting in the Lord and allowing ourselves to fret is to have a hardened and bitter heart against the Lord which leads to evil and emulation of the wicked. Look at the below scripture from Asaph as he was tested in this very same way:

When my heart was grieved
     and my spirit embittered,
 I was senseless and ignorant;
     I was a brute beast before you. – Psalms 73:22-23

David likewise warns sharing that fretting only leads to sin:

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
     do not fret—it leads only to evil.
 For those who are evil will be destroyed,
     but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land. – Psalms 37:8-9

Instead of fretting, we should focus on the faithfulness of our God. We should read the entire Psalms 37 and 73 to see the whole conclusion of the matter. We should meditate on scriptures like the below and prioritize the testimonies of others who have walked similar paths and overcome through God’s grace:

The blameless spend their days under the Lord’s care,
     and their inheritance will endure forever.
 In times of disaster they will not wither;
     in days of famine, they will enjoy plenty. – Psalms 37:18-19

In meditating on scriptures like the above and keeping our hearts clear of bitterness and unbelief, we will avoid being good girls who turn bad and we will experience and see the goodness of God in our lives for ourselves.

The Bible reminds us that we ought to guard our hearts diligently because it is the well-spring of our lives (Proverbs 4:23.) From our hearts, we produce joy, gratefulness, perspective for life, bitterness, anger and more. Our actions and reactions to things will be dependent on what we allow to get into our hearts. This is why it is so vital for us to guard our hearts.

Naturally speaking of our hearts, it’s the center of life for our bodies. Our heart has the responsibility to work with our lungs to provide life-giving oxygen to our blood. The oxygenated blood travels back to the heart from the lungs and is pushed to the rest of the organs in our body providing vital nutrients.

This process allows all of our organs to function resulting in a healthy functioning body. When this flow of blood from our hearts to our organs is interrupted by things such as clogged arteries or high cholesterol the life flow that naturally takes place in our bodies becomes interrupted and sickness in our bodies is produced.

Heart failure due to such things can cause death. It’s the same thing with our lives. Our emotional, mental, and spiritual health can be threatened if we allow the natural flow of our hearts to be interrupted. If we fill up on the wrong things: negative thinking, talking, false doctrine, ungodliness, it will eventually affect our hearts.

Further, this is why it’s so vital that we guard our hearts because our very life depends upon it. The Bible discusses the armor of God in Ephesians 6 sharing about specific tools God has given us to assist us in guarding our hearts and continuing to stand. The breastplate of righteousness is worn over our chest which protects the vital organ of the heart. We must be careful to keep this on along with the other tools provided. Righteousness in our actions is to continue to remain in alignment with the righteousness God has given to us through his son Jesus Christ.

If we allow ourselves to meditate on the wrong things; the wrong actions become one easy step away and cycles of sin and unrighteousness are produced. This is how many end up in unrighteousness because they failed to guard their hearts. Be aware of what you listen to, the conversations you absorb, and what you gravitate to in your heart. Check contrary thoughts immediately with the Word of God. Set boundaries and learn to speak up regarding boundaries when inappropriate conversations are bought to you of gossip and doubt. You are too valuable. What God has invested in you is too valuable. Remember it’s God’s will that you have life and life overflowing. Shut down anything that seeks to produce death in your life.

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Begin Saving Early
Traveling on a budget is the key to meeting your travel goals. You can do whatever you want as it relates to traveling and goals as long as you plan for it. If you want to go on a trip, you’ll need to begin planning early to make sure you can afford all of the costs of the trip. Setting up automatic savings that come out of your paycheck before taxes can be an easy way to do that. The money can be set up to go into a separate savings account. By the time, you get ready to book your trip, you would already have the money in the bank to pay for it.

This is something I began doing when I received my last raise in August of 2019. I allocated that raise amount of 3% of my paycheck each month to go into a separate bank account just for vacations. When I got ready to travel, I already had the funds on hand that would cover the trip. The trip was not covered because I am rich, but because I simply planned for it. I make a modest income working for a non-profit, but because I am specific with my income; I can do more with it.

Book Your Flights Early on Using Google’s Flight Search Tool
If you visit Google’s search engine and type in flights; it should pull up a search cue where you can add the dates you’d like to travel. It will compare all airlines that provide their information showing the prices for those dates. You can also track those dates by getting an email alert when the prices go down or up. Based on this information, you can book the most affordable rate. This also works for comparing hotels also.

Stick With One Particular Hotel Brand for Points and Discounts While Traveling on a Budget
Many businesses, including hotels, have reward programs where if you book with them regularly, you’ll earn points and even free nights at a hotel. This year for my birthday, I was able to spend a night at a nice elegant hotel for $50 bucks. The points paid for the majority of the stay. Take advantage of these programs when planning your travel. I normally stick with Marriott Bonvoy. I utilized their points program to pay for the $50 stay.

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Book Parking for Travel to the Airport in Advance

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When it’s time to return home, you will be picked up at the airport and taken directly back to your vehicle. In my experience, Park ‘N Fly takes the stress off of traveling and trying to figure out where to park. They currently have a 50% off sale in select cities. Click the link to see if your city is included. There’s nothing like saving on parking while traveling on a budget.

Create an Itinerary Before You Go
An itinerary is a one-sheet document that you can add what you’ve scheduled for your trip. You’d include your plane information with confirmation and time of flights, restaurants you’ve researched and planned to visit museums and other activities. You’d also need to include addresses for your hotel, restaurants, and activities. Include telephone numbers for those you may need to call; such as the number to the hotel and rental car company. I’d hate to be in the middle of nowhere looking for pertinent information. I normally have everything listed on the itinerary.

Take a Good Book With You
While going to bed early, if that’s your thing, you may want to dive into a book. You may also want to read while you’re on the plane. A book can be a break away from the norm and it seems to pair perfectly with a solo trip. I have certain books I only read while traveling. I get to have fun and get a little mental stimulation.

Plan Plan Plan
Do your research before you go. You want to use your time to have fun and enjoy while on vacation not trying to figure out something you should have planned for beforehand.

Learn more savings and travel tips here.