I was emailed an article by one of my close friends. My friend’s message read, “This article makes me so mad.” I knew I was in for something then. I read the article at the following link: http://www.xojane.com/sex/true-love-waits-pledge?utm_source=yourtango&utm_medium=mainlink&utm_medium=syndication
The next day, I noticed the same article in my Facebook news feed on a blog that I enjoy following. That is when I knew I had to write a response to the article.
The first thing that I noticed wrong with the article is that the author is allowing other people to think for her instead of thinking for herself. It’s OK when you are a child to be controlled in a sense to be guided by the hand into a certain direction. However, when a person grows into maturity that person needs to become solid in his own belief system for himself. That is a part of maturity. If at ten years old, a girl is taught that only girls should save sex for marriage and not boys she isn’t expected to question it, but as an older adult, that same girl should pick up the Bible and read for herself what it says about being sexually pure until marriage. If she would have done that she would have found that the Bible is not bias toward women only teaching for women to be abstinent until marriage, but it also teaches the same for men.
The Bible clearly says:
But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband (1 Corinthians 7:2, NIV).
I first found out about waiting until marriage to have sex at approximately 5 years of age myself. I remember my parents had a black board writing down the various things that we should stay away from i.e. oudji boards, pre-marital sex, necromancy and such of which I knew nothing about. At the time my demeanor was whatever I want to go to sleep Lol.
When I became older I opened up the Bible for myself and found that waiting until marriage to have sex wasn’t just something that the preacher said. It was something that God wanted us to do (1 Thessalonians 4:3[i], 1 Corinthians 6:18[ii]).
What the writer is leaving out is the fact that she waited until marriage and was spared from some of the heartache that she could have experienced from giving her body completely away to someone who may not have had good intentions toward her.
Now she is in a safe and secure marriage commitment where her husband honors her, nourishes her, cares for her and seeks for her safety. That is clear from the blog that she wrote. Many people wish they had that, but many are not able to attain that because our culture today has become more sex crazed than love and commitment crazed and that is a great benefit that she has gotten through waiting until marriage.
The reality is when a person chooses to obey God or to fear God, whether they understand why or not that person will be preserved from certain things, and that person will reap certain benefits.
On the contrary, when a person chooses to knowingly disobey God and not to fear God, which means to place what he says above all else that person will have to endure some hard things and the sad thing is sometimes people never escape from those hard things (Isaiah 1:19-20[iii]).
When I first made the choice to wait until marriage to have sex. I did not have a big support system behind me. As a matter of fact, when I was older my dad had my brothers and I watch a special that promoted using a condom if sex was a choice before marriage, and my mom did not know what to tell me. My dad did eventually bring up what he called the 3F club meaning to Find her, Freak her, and to Forget her. At that time, my self-esteem was so low, I did not care about a 3F club. I was more concerned with being wanted by a guy. I wasn’t going to church because I wasn’t raised in the church. What I did have was the fear of the Lord and a personal relationship with God himself. I looked into God’s word for myself and found out what his will was even though I did not understand why, I chose to be obedient.
It wasn’t until I was older, that I noticed the benefits of my decision. I am one of the most focused people that I know. I have learned to find my identity for myself and not based on how guys see me or if they want sex from me. I don’t have to worry about any STDs because I ain’t giving it up, nor do I have to focus on being a single mother because I haven’t made any babies.
The bible tells us that when we allow ourselves to play with sexual immorality that we are doing ourselves a disservice. It clearly states when you practice sexually immorality you sin against yourself. Hence, intense and unnecessary heartbreak, and STDs among other things.
Through depending on other people and their opinions of what God’s word teaches us about sex, the author has left the facts out about what God’s word teaches as it relates to sex and she has done the very same thing that she accuses church people of and that is to teach personal opinion as the Word of God.
God’s word teaches that sex is a good thing. It was actually created by God who created our bodies in such a detailed and thoughtful manner. It is the Bible that says that a man should allow his wife’s breast to satisfy him and to rejoice with the wife of his youth.
“A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love..” (Proverbs 5:19, NIV)
It is the Bible that encourages sex to overflow only between the husband and wife not to be shared with anyone else. In other words, sex between a married couple should be like a well that never ends and always satisfies. It should not be shared with anyone else.
“Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.” (Proverbs 5:15-18, NIV)
The bible doesn’t only teach that a woman should get with her husband, but it also teaches that a man should get down with his wife. The both of them should be satisfied in God’s eyes. (1 Corinthians 7:3[iv])
It is ignorant people who make married people feel ashamed to have sex, not God nor the church as a whole. God’s word says that there is nothing dirty or unclean about the marriage bed. (Hebrews 13:4[v]) The author should have been having sex to enjoy her husband all along.
The woman who wrote this article sounds very imbalanced and somewhat bitter toward those who probably had her best interest at heart. So what! They may not have communicated it in the best way. That is why as an adult you study God’s word for yourself. I’m sure the woman who authored this article isn’t perfect either.
Instead of being bitter and angry toward those who attempted to teach her she, should be thankful that an interest was taken in her and that she has a healthy marriage at this point. The dissatisfaction and confusion the author experienced cannot be blamed on the fact that she waited to have sex, but the confusion and lack of understanding that she endured.
Another important point about the article is when the author makes a statement diminishing the judgment of God toward the sins of pre-marital sex and adultery implying that one cannot go to hell for such things. The author has no authority to speak on whether a person will go to hell for such things or not because she is not God and doesn’t have the authority to judge.
God has the authority to judge and his judgments are clearly written in his word. I would not dare take a chance on what she says versus what God says.
On the questions for how far is too far to go while dating, when a person develops a relationship with God, the Holy Spirit will lead and guide us into all truth. A believer does not have to ask when she is dating if a man should touch her breast among other things. She would have a relationship with the Spirit of the Lord who will lead her.
Other people should not be blamed for a failed responsibility to learn and grow in God for one’s-self. The flesh is written all over this article and it can be taken as very offensive. My last thoughts for anyone facing a similar situation is to learn, grow, and to mature in Christ.
The one thing that I can agree with the author on is that it is a personal decision whether to obey God’s word in waiting until marriage or not, and God even though he is God, does not force us to obey him. He gives us a choice, but with that choice comes either benefits or consequences, and whatever choice we make we have to be willing to live with them.
[i] It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; (1 Thessalonians 4:3, KJV)
[ii] Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. (1 Corinthians 6:18, NIV)
[iii] If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the good things of the land: 20 but if you resist and rebel,
you will be devoured by the sword.” For the mouth of the Lord has spoken. ( Isaiah 1:19-20, NIV)
[iv] The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:3, NIV)
[v] Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. (Hebrews 13:4, KJV)
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