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What Type of A Woman Are You? Are You Someone Who Defies Negative Stereotypes or Someone Who Perpetrates Negative Stereotypes?

Being a woman is so much fun! From defining our own styles, to finding our voices, being heard and respected to helping other women and young girls who are coming along on their journey to womanhood. Being a woman can be so rewarding, but on the other hand there can be many distractions from what a woman’s identity should encompass. Below are just some examples of womanhood that I have noticed in popular culture and media where often images and stereotypes are presented to females to choose their identity as such. Are we as women defining who we are by who God says we are or are we just becoming another stereotype?

The Disrespectful Woman:
I’ve noticed that the clothes that are coming out for young girls and young women are getting more inappropriate. There are disrespectful messages on the t-shirts that refer to other women as the b-word, and references to women wearing the shirts as boy-toys and other inappropriate prideful and vain messages. The dresses are getting tighter, shorter, and more revealing. The language of women promoted in popular reality television shows is that of women who disrespect others talking down and at people in inappropriate ways.

All of these things speak to how a woman wishes to be treated because the reality is the way that a woman treats herself and treats others is how other people will feel is an appropriate way to treat her. There is nothing worse for a woman than a woman who disrespects herself. If a woman doesn’t know what is appropriate behavior for herself, she will not be able to show others how to treat her in an appropriate manner.

Furthermore, because of many of the negative images in popular culture that reference Black women, some people of other nationalities believe negative behavior is a norm for us. Therefore, when some Asians open up their beauty supply stores, and clothing stores in our communities, the music that is played is disrespectful toward women. I have complained on several occasions regarding this and gotten the music to be changed at places where I shop. It’s time for Black women and women as a whole to defy the stereotypes. No, we do not all call one another the b-word. No, we do not all go to the club and drop it like it is hot. That ain’t nobodies’ business but our husbands.

The Woman Who Follows the Wind or The Woman of Faith:
Not very long ago, there was huge media attention centered around the idea that Black women weren’t getting married. I recently had a discussion with a woman who is very well-cultured and she feels that Black women are the lest desirable women to Black men in this country of the U.S.A. largely due to the many negative stereotypes that plague Black women such as the angry Black woman or the loud Black woman. She wanted me to write a blog on this, but I shared with her that I did not agree with that notion of Black women being the lest desirable because all Black women do not fit those stereotypes. I will say that yes, there are issues in our culture where many women do fit negative stereotypes, but all African-American women should not be defined by those women.

What she did share was that every time she traveled outside of the country she was treated like a superstar because of the dark color of her skin. She shared that many men in other nations love and admire the Black woman. Those who were not familiar with the negative stereotypes of Black women in this country were able to see the positive attributes about that beautiful Black woman without judging her by negative stereotypes dismissing her before she even had a chance. The woman who follows the wind of what is popular or what the studies are showing will dismiss herself from God’s blessing before it even reaches her because she has gotten out of faith and into the wind. For every lie spoken there is a truth that dispels it. Do you represent that truth or the stereotype that the lie is based on? This is why Christian websites and blogs that promote positive images of Black marriages and successful relationships are so important because they build our faith beyond what we see and hear.

I Got a Big-Butt/Selfie Culture Woman:
This woman is all about the appearance. She bases her worth on how many likes she gets on her Instagram and Facebook pictures that she posts. There isn’t very much emphasis placed on herself outside of her physical beauty. She fits the notion of popular culture that has told young Black girls for years that your worth is derived from how you appear physically especially if you have a big exterior. Many of the most popular female role models in entertainment promote this idea from Nikki Minaj, Kim Kardashian, Jennifer Lopez, and now Iggy Azalea. Looking at these examples of women, it can be easy to believe the lie that this type of a woman is powerful, when in reality a woman who promotes her physical attributes above what is on the inside limits herself and causes others to view her in a demeaning way. A woman may get a man with a big behind, but it will take more than that to keep a man.

If a woman or young girl is not connected to God or more positive examples she can easily confuse her worth with just her outward appearance and how guys respond to that while ignoring all of the other things that make her beautiful.

The Bible talks about how the Lord beautifies those that are his with salvation i. The more we submit ourselves to God, the more we will began to see the other beautiful things God has put into us as women besides just our physical exterior. If a woman’s physical exterior is all that she works on and feels that she is worth, than she will attract a guy who feels that is all she is good for. The Bible tells us women to adorn ourselves in modest apparel with humility and sobriety. In other words, God is not opposed to women being confident and feeling physically attractive, but he doesn’t want us to get stuck on that as if that’s all that matters. He wants us to adore ourselves with humility and work on our inner selves that will in turn point others back to him. Our beauty is not given to us as women just to be there, but God has a purpose in it, and that purpose is to point others to him. That’s why God addresses in scripture how holy women of old adorned themselves in a godly manner (1 Peter 3:5).

Desperate Church-Girl:
This is how unfortunately, many church girls are expected to be by some desperately waiting around for a man any man. Looking and watching the new guys who come into the church competing with other girls in the church for his attention. Divisive, Jealous, naive, and ready to do whatever just to have a man. Unfortunately, there are some girls like this who feel their greatest accomplishment in life will be to just get a man. There is nothing wrong with having a natural desire for a man as a woman, but I don’t see God in any of the behavior mentioned above for the desperate church-girl. She seems more like someone who is immature and unlearned in the Lord, who has made an idol out of the idea of having a man. That is a dangerous place to be in as a woman. That woman would seem to be unproductive as it relates to her purpose and goals in life. She needs to get before the Lord and get his vision for her life. She needs to get God’s heart at work in her so that he can mature her into what he has called her to be and use her as an instrument to love her sisters and brothers in Christ instead of competing with them and putting them down. I have seen God bless some of these women with mature godly men to cover them and to help them grow. Other women, have gone through unnecessary circumstances because of their immaturity in this area.

Godly Virtuous Woman:
This woman is a woman of vision. She understands that without a vision people perish ii, so she spends regular time in God’s presence praying, fasting, and reading the word to catch the vision that God has for her life. She is a woman of humility. She patiently listens and follows the instruction of those who are older and wiser when appropriate. She has a sense of worth that only comes from God which breeds faith on the inside of her that she cannot allow herself to put up with anything.

She isn’t sitting around desperate for a man, but she is busy with the work that God has placed in her hands right now in this time and season. She isn’t opposed to a man, but she has entrusted that desire to God, and will welcome it in the time that God has ordained. She is very attractive and it is obvious, but she places the greater emphasis on godliness and presenting herself in a manner that is acceptable to God. Like Proverbs she is clothed in strengthiii and in her tongue is the law of kindnessiv. She is a graceful woman, who builds others up instead of tearing them down. Her character causes her to stand out and have favor wherever she goes. Her reputation precedes her and it shows that she is not perfect but humble and willing enough to get things right.

As women, we have so many choices thrown at us on a regular basis telling us who we are, or who we should be, but there is one who made us from the rib of a man with purpose, beauty, honor, strength and all of his backing behind us to be all that he has called us to be and that is God himself. With all of the choices presented to us, I have found God’s way to be the best way.

i For the LORD taketh pleasure in his people: he will beautify the meek with salvation. Psalms 149:4 (KJV)

ii Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he. Proverbs 28:19

iii Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. Proverbs 31:25

iv She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. Proverbs 31:26

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