I am no expert in the least concerning this topic as I have never been in a courting relationship with anyone. However, in my experience, dating isn’t necessarily serious initially. It is either to meet up and have fun, get to know someone, or just hang out for the sake of hanging out. Not to say that one is better than the other, but when seriously desiring marriage there comes a time when dating just for the sake of dating just isn’t enough. It often leads to confusion, rejection, and disappointment after a while.
Courting to my understanding is much more intentional. Courting to me carries a seriousness of both parties being sincerely interested in one another for marriage. Both parties normally have spent enough time together in non-compromising environments around family and friends to notice that there is some serious potential for those involved toward marriage.
In some cases, I have heard that there were men and women in similar environments such as church or whatever the case, and the Lord spoke to one or both parties that they were for one another and based on that they began to investigate through prayer and courting.
Courtship is normally practiced by the mature who have grown tired of the games that often come with dating. That isn’t to say that there can be no successful relationships developed from dating or that courtship is the only way to go.
Below are some ideals that I have found online that differ dating from courting:
Dating
- Trying one another out seeing where it goes
- Not necessarily in a position to be married just having fun
- Seeking pleasure for the moment
- Often doesn’t avoid compromising situations. Spends time in private a lot. Whatever happens happens. What had happened was…
- May be done in secret. Often a person dating will not share significant other w/accountability if they know it isn’t God. Often just passes time with.
- Uses a person in dating to fill voids that God should fill. I.e. insecurity, child-hood pain, lack of finances, abandonment, loneliness.
- Places high emphasis on physical/emotional intimacy
Courting
- Already has an intuition of seriousness toward a possible marriage commitment. Has spent enough time together to validate this
- In a position to be married emotionally, spiritually, socially, and financially.
- Seeking to please God in the relationship as well as prior to taking on the relationship
- Is careful to avoid compromising situations, spends time in public and around family and friends. Careful to protect one another’s virtue
- Is done with accountability. Considers family and friends as well as godly leadership.
- Depends on the Lord to fill voids. Practices walking in wholeness through intimacy with God.
- Places less emphasis on physical/emotional intimacy to actually get to know the person.
Courtship implies a need to wait until there is someone who appears worthy of us in a serious manner. Thus, it leans more toward the paradigm of waiting and trusting God. Waiting and trusting God takes discipline which is also a significant part of courtship. Discipline is the ability to forego what we want now for later with a specific purpose in mind. That purpose in courting would be getting to know the individual that we believe God has placed us together with for the end result of marriage. Not to say that every courtship will end in marriage as I’ve heard of some courtships that did not lead to marriage, but were pursued with the intent to lead to marriage.
Dating leans more toward getting something to happen right away which often comes with all of the pressures of the world such as having to have someone by a certain age, fitting in, not wanting to appear alone or unable to get someone. If we allow pleasing God to be at the foundation of everything that we do, we will be able to avoid a lot of the mess experienced through dating, and cruise right on to the courtship with the spouse God has for us as we wait patiently for it.
All the while, allowing ourselves to be developed into God’s best to be ready for God’s best when it presents itself. Good partners don’t grow on trees. They are developed through circumstances of life that produce patience, character, and discipline. That is what it takes not to just date around, but to wait for someone worth courting.
As mentioned before, I have never experienced courting for myself; therefore, my knowledge of courting is highly limited. For more information on courting seek out godly mentors who have walked that path even if it’s only examples on social media. At least that can provide a paradigm for courting. Examples that I have noted online include Heather and Cornelius Lindsey. Cornelius has an excellent video on courting shared below. Also, an article link to a young Christian couple who were friends is below. They decided to court, and are now married. They also have a YouTube channel called, “Worth the Wait” There names are Brandon and Sherita Taylor. There may also be other examples of people from church. Don’t ever be afraid to ask questions of people who have walked the path that you are looking to take.
See supplemental video below:
Links for more on courting:
http://www.essence.com/2014/12/30/why-we-chose-christian-courtship
http://www.heatherllindsey.com/2012/05/making-your-relationship-work-101-gods.html#.Vgrkq5faTIU
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