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Dating Vs. Waiting Part V: The Lost Art of Friendship between the Sexes

It often seems like everything has become about sex or romance when dealing with the opposite sex. It has become so hard to find a simple friend—someone to listen to you, understand you, and share in the similar experiences of life with no hidden motive or agenda.

These types of experiences make for the best relationships as the common building blocks of friendship are the main ingredients necessary to have a romantic relationship that will last. Those building blocks include communication, trust, unconditional love, commonalities, respect, and commitment.

Satan has done a good job of making it the norm to only identify with someone of the opposite sex in a dating scenario or a romantic scenario. While a date or courtship at some point in time may have its place. This is a highly unhealthy way to view every new person who comes into our lives. I know it’s hard to deal sometimes because some of these rare dudes just be off the chain! Like, where did he come from? And for the fellas—I guess they could be really feeling a sister at times, and that romantic thing is hard to break out of.

However, if the ending is continuously confusion and separation between the sexes in the body of Christ or compromise and sin; then we have to try something different.

Treat younger menas brothers,older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. 1 Timothy 5:1-2

Imagine what it would be like if women did not just have each other, but they also had men of God walking along side them holding up the banner of the gospel of Jesus Christ in word and deed loving one another in purity and in truth. Imagine the body of Christ on one accord as singles, both men and women. Imagine what our marriages will look like after being on one accord in Christ as singles. It would look like strength. It would look like unity. It would look beautiful.

We underestimate the power of unity and walking together. The Bible says that it is a pleasant thing for God’s people to dwell together in unity[i]. It is painful to my heart to see how the body of Christ has become so separate when it comes to single men and women. I can remember seasons of my life where I was separated from godly examples of the opposite sex and how hard that was on my faith in God in being assured that I was not alone as a woman walking with Christ.

So many women and men of God feel isolated. Although, in some cases separation is necessary, such as: If I notice an immature guy trying to get close to me; I will keep him at a reasonable distance because I don’t want to walk in my flesh. I will hang out with him in a group setting though where he cannot focus all of his immaturity in my direction. However, the point is simple. Friendship between the sexes in many cases has become a lost art.

Below I have prepared some pointers to help to get this art back in a manner that will bring us closer to God instead of push us further away from him:

  • Pray about everything: If you feel like you are lacking a godly friendship with the opposite sex, then pray about it asking God to bring someone into your life to be a friend to you. It may take a while, but don’t get discouraged. God will eventually send someone.
  • Realize that most likely whoever God sends into your life as a friend will not be attractive to you initially. Normally, the friends that God sends are viewed as sisters and brothers in Christ only.
  • If feelings do eventually arise and the other person does not feel the same; respect that. Also, be honest and let the person know that you aren’t interested if you aren’t interested in anything further. It’s okay.
  • Try not to focus on a relationship. Just enjoy the company of a believer of the opposite sex in non compromising environments such as groups or a phone conversation here and there not every day and all the time.
  • Have boundaries in place to avoid an inappropriate emotional connection. The more guys and girls talk; the more emotions get stirred. That is why boundaries of space and time are necessary.
  • Boundaries of space and time also help both parties to seek the Lord and hear from him clearly in cases where the friendship does turn into a romantic relationship. Normally, God will give parties peace to proceed or he may simply tell the parties that they are for each other. Acknowledge God in all of your ways and let him direct your path (Proverbs 3:5).
  • Realize that even though we may attempt to befriend a person; that person may not be in a position where they can handle being friends with someone of the opposite sex. Some believers have spent most of their single life sowing to the flesh and thus haven’t yet learned to train their flesh to desire purity. Therefore, their friendship could become a stumbling block and thus that person may withdraw altogether until he works out his purity issue. That’s actually cool and honorable for him to do so.
  • Be honest with yourself whether you can handle a friendship with someone of the opposite sex. If something is becoming a distraction for you, and you start to become fleshly and no longer can maintain a single mind for pleasing the Lord; you may need to cut that friendship off. It may not be a friendship that is ordained by God. God is not the author of confusion.
  • Certain intimate things should not be shared with opposite sex friends: Let the Holy Spirit lead you and use common sense.
  • There is some communication that is only appropriate for a spouse or an accountability partner of the same sex. We don’t call our opposite sex friends to get prayer for lust.
  • I’ve found that a lot of my guy friendships are seasonal: God has bought men into my life for specific seasons to show me that I was not alone in walking with God and then when that season was up, the men and I weren’t as close. I’ve become cool with trusting God in the way that he has me to deal with men. It’s okay not to have a whole lot of guy friends all the time. Right now, I have two. One in Ohio, and another who is local. God has recently answered my prayers in saving some of the men in my family so I can feel a bit more covered now in that sense.
  • I often find myself praying about the men who come into my life. I will ask the Lord why is he here? What do you think of him? How am I to respond to him? Am I supposed to just pray for this person, be a friend, or exit left? God will normally make the men who come into my life expose themselves showing their intentions whether good or bad, warn me, or give me peace about a particular friendship.

That’s my wisdom for healthy friendships between the opposite sex. Hopefully, this has been helpful to you. Feel free to comment, share, and like the post. Also, I am available by email if you click the mail icon in the upper right corner for those who’d like to talk more. Don’t forget to follow me on social media for more great posts!

[i]How good and pleasant it is
    when God’s people live together in unity! Psalms 133:1
 (NIV)

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