Because many men aren’t trained on how to be the head, control seems to be a default misconception for many men. Control is the idea that women need to be put in their place, or forced to submit instead of being drawn into submission through love and respect.
A woman is wooed by love and kindness. This cannot be superficial. It has to be real. Real love requires a mutual respect. There cannot be a mindset of control or dominance over her. The Bible is clear that both man and woman together are to have dominion over the earth.
Husbands and wives are supposed to submit to one another.
This mutual submission implies a mutual respect that sets the tone for the woman to submit to the man. Mutual respect says I value your opinion, wisdom, insight, and all that you have to offer. Mutual respect says I respect you as a whole person––that is mind, emotions, and will, not just for the physical features.
When a man loves a woman wholly meaning not just to be a trophy to make him look good according to the flesh, but for all that she brings to the table, that woman will open up and share everything she has with that man. She will at that point willingly submit because she is impressed by the brotha’s genuineness to love her instead of attempt to use her and discard her.
Remember that the man is the one who sets the structure for how the relationship will go. The woman responds to it. In response to God’s love, we were drawn to God through Christ. In response to God’s love for us, we submit our bodies to God a living sacrifice exclusive and acceptable unto God. Isn’t this what you want as a man? That is the example that Jesus set for himself and his bride, the church. A man in interacting with his woman should follow the same example.
If you have to manipulate and control a woman into wanting to be with you or doing what you say; you set the tone for her to respond just as manipulative and controlling as you have been.
I covered this one in another blog series. It is important for a man to provide for his family, and I am not diminishing that role, but simply providing financially only is not enough. Being a man means to be responsible for. That means that the man will be held responsible for his household. The man will have to not only provide financially for his family, but he will need to provide spiritual guidance, wisdom, direction, and in short be there for his household. This requires communication, understanding, and consistent growth. There has to be a humility in a man to continue to learn and grow so that he is able to handle all of the responsibility given to him as a man.
Worshipping the man above God
Some men expect women to give up their devotion to God, and replace that with devotion only to him as the man. Some men seem to think that God should hold a temporary place of affection in a woman’s heart until he shows up. Yes, even men who label themselves Christian and attend church consistently hold this view.
Please, know that the opposite of this view is not imbalance. Keeping God first in our lives does not mean that we will be having prayer instead of fixing breakfast for our hungry family, or running to conferences while our houses are in disarray or shouting instead of making love to our husbands. Keeping God first is a heart condition. It is a character trait and a way of life.
It simply means not intentionally going against the commands of God. This actually works to the benefit of a man of God because a woman who does this has good character and will most likely be loyal. When a woman relinquishes her identity in Christ to become whatever her new god, the man says, that is a dangerous situation. Any woman who allows this is not whole. A person who isn’t whole can become capable of nearly any type of behavior. Prepare for problems if this is your relationship.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21
Then God said, "Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." - Genesis 1:26